Family Reunion (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

1 I want y'all to meet my family They're coming down south To stay with me - Big Moz - Do you love me? - Yep - I'm Cocoa Jade in the house, I've got a lot to say I'm a big sis Can't-miss renegade - Call me Shaka now - Hey I'm the I'm the chief rocker now Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me - Little mommy, I'm Ami - Hey Singing loud and having fun It's Family Reunion Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Mm.
Looking good, girl.
It's time for the Beyoncé strut.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Beyoncé.
Ooh.
Mommy, you look pretty.
Oh.
Why, thank you, Blue Ivy.
I'm on my way to the DMV to get my new Georgia driver's license.
I'll see you later.
Oh, paparazzi! Paparazzi, no pictures, please! I said no pictures! What happened? The Georgia humidity.
I walked out looking "Crazy in Love" and came back just looking crazy.
I wouldn't put a ring on it.
Shaka, Mazzi, get out here.
I thought you were gonna do your hair.
I thought you wanted to sleep in our bed tonight.
I'm good.
Whoa.
Beautiful.
I'm in love.
- You're the best, Dad! - Yeah! - Dude, the red one's mine.
- Slow down.
The red one's mine.
Actually, I meant don't get excited because the red one's mine.
What about me? Fine.
You can borrow it, but be careful.
- You ready? - Let's roll.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ami, what are you doing? I'm about to smoke these fools.
Oh, no, you're not.
Step out of the vehicle, please.
Babe, chill out.
When I was a kid, I rode these all the time.
Yeah, but they're going so fast.
It's too dangerous.
Relax, it's perfectly safe.
They're wearing seat belts and protective gear.
You know how bad our trip down here was.
I figured these would help them forget the craziness.
Moz, you can't buy the kids' forgiveness without buying something for their mom, too.
Ami, be careful! Well, I guess she is having fun.
I'm just - If you curl it - Don't.
- Don't.
- If you let me curl it - Don't touch my hair.
- I can curl it.
Okay.
Sorry.
Kids, hurry up.
We have to leave for Vacation Bible School in 15 minutes.
I hope you been studying.
- You need to teach me how you do that.
- It's a gift, baby.
Why do we have to waste a week of our summer at church? All kids need to learn the basic instructions before leaving Earth.
B-I-B-L-E.
That is an acronym for Bible.
Oh.
God really did think of everything.
You know, I went to Vacation Bible School every summer growing up.
Really? Was it fun? Not nearly as much fun as watching y'all go.
Now, that's some real black-girl magic.
Oh, M'Dear, you don't have to walk us all the way in.
Shaka, hold my purse.
Why am I holding her purse? M'Dear never lets anyone touch her purse.
Jade, what's happening? Welcome to Vacation Bible School.
I am your teacher, First Lady Amelia.
Oh, no.
Please, no.
Who is ready to play Jesus' favorite game? What? I thought Jesus didn't play.
I'm ready, First Lady, ma'am.
I been training mighty hard, and I'm finna beat you this time.
"Finna," Elvis? "Finna"? 'Scuse me, ma'am.
I meant "fixing to.
" Elvis, my sweet, dear, butterbean-head Elvis.
I have forgotten more of the Bible than you will ever know.
That is why I am the undisputed Bible-verse Champion of the world Knockout! The woman can't send a text, but she got a sound-effects app? Yeah.
She thought emoji was a rap group.
Will somebody please explain the rules to the newbies? You pick a theme from a hat and quote a Bible verse that applies.
If you get it right, you advance to the next round.
And if you get it wrong? You get blasted in the face with whipped cream.
Defeat never tasted so sweet.
And what happens if we stump you? Nothing.
Because that means it's the end of days.
But in the unlikely event that it does happen, yes, you can spray me.
Oh, cool! I am so in.
And I got an itchy spray finger.
Mm.
Oh.
All right, then.
Who is ready for a word whoopin'? I came to win.
All right.
- "Love.
" - Easy.
"Love each other as I have loved you.
" Excellent.
Who else knows a verse about love? Shaka? "God is love"? Oh.
Nice job, Shaka.
You just proved that God takes care of babies and fools.
I'm not a baby.
Jade.
Granddaughter of a pastor, I'm sure you know a verse.
Okay.
Gimme a second.
Oh, you had ten.
Five already gone.
Four, three "Love is not love which alters when an alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove.
" That was beautiful, but it was not biblical.
But it's Shakespeare, which is just as profound.
I like Shakespeare.
To spray or not to spray? That is the question.
Spray her! - Spray her! Spray her! - No.
The people have spoken! Oh, I can't believe how much smack M'Dear talked.
She is so doggone cocky.
The undefeated Bible-verse champ? Yeah.
I still have dried-up whipped cream behind my ears.
Gross.
I wish I had a photographic memory.
I could learn the whole Bible tonight.
Well, I just downloaded a Bible-verse app on my phone to study so she won't embarrass me tomorrow.
Revenge.
Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.
M'Dear says "Come on down for dinner, losers.
" Okay, okay.
Oh.
We have to get her.
I wish we could use your phone in class.
Maybe we can.
How? Repeat what you hear.
"For it is the vengeance of the Lord.
Take vengeance upon her.
" Oh, my God.
Are we doing this? Oh, yeah, we're doing this.
The undisputed Bible-verse champion Of the world is going down.
Knockout! Whatcha doing, Erykah Badu? Putting together a first-aid kit for our kids, who, because of you, will probably be needing lots of first aid.
Cocoa, you're overreacting.
No, you're underreacting.
Babe, I can't believe you bought our kids go-karts.
I had a go-kart when I was a kid and I turned out fine.
Some would say "foine.
" Somebody other than your mama? Come on, the kids are just having fun.
Stop coddling them so much.
Well, honey, if I don't protect them, you'll have them bungee jumping off the Washington Monument.
I would not.
That - Is that a thing? Do they offer that? - See? See? No, there you go.
Honey, our kids aren't as tough as you are.
Yes, they are, and giving them some space will make them tougher.
Let the kids be kids.
Didn't you see how much fun they were having? In a few years, they'll be worrying about paying rent and gas prices and bad hair days.
- That was totally unrelated.
- Mm-hmm.
That was not Nope.
Okay, fine.
Now that you've put it that way, they can ride.
Great, because Ami's kart should be arriving any minute now.
Wait.
Moz! Missed! "Yea should do so in the land, whither yea goes to possess it.
" Amen.
No.
You said "yea" instead of "ye.
" But I was so close! God is in the details.
Oh, I want that belt so bad! But you can't beat me! I quote like a butterfly and recite like a bee.
Did Jesus really say that? You know, I should spray you just for asking! Okay, Jade, you want some of this? I'm no match for the champ, but I'll do my best.
"Grace.
" Um.
Okay.
"But to each one of us, grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.
" Yes! Go, Jade.
You got this.
Oh.
Okay, granddaughter.
"My grace is sufficient for you.
" "Joy.
" "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
" Uh-oh, Sister Amelia.
Your turn.
I know it's my turn.
"Rejoice in the Lord always.
Again, I say rejoice!" "And the people piped with pipes and rejoiced with great joy.
" "Rejoice in the Lord and be glad.
" Ooh! Someone's feeling the heat! - Five, four, three, two - The joy! Sit down! "The joy The joy I feel, the world didn't give it to me.
" That's not a Bible verse! It's a Shirley Caesar song! Elvis! Ooh.
She messed up! Y'all see that? She messed up! All right, class dismissed! No, you're not getting away that easy.
Spray her! Spray her! Spray her! Spray her! No! I used to change your diapers! And I thank you.
But God is in the details.
Oh! Knockout! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
My post of M'Dear getting sprayed already has 150 hits.
You want me to make it 151? How on earth did you memorize all that overnight? God blessed me with a photographic memory.
Oh, well, I'm impressed.
Tell you what.
At Sunday service, each class is presenting what they've done this week.
We should do this in front of the congregation.
Any time, any verse.
Oh, and tell me what you're making for dinner tonight, because I'm not cooking.
I'll be busy training for my rematch.
Mm-hmm! You make that belt look good.
Boy, bye.
Oh.
You're not ready for all this yet? It's okay.
I'm a patient man.
Girl, stop flirting with me.
Go, Ami! That's my baby girl! - I'm not letting you beat me! - Me, either! You're not gonna win this, Dad! I'm crazy, baby! Here we go! - Is everybody okay? - I'm good.
I banged up my wrist.
- Rub some dirt on it.
- And my knee hurts a little.
Save some dirt for your sister.
I trust you won't tell anyone about this, especially your mother.
Oh, no, we won't tell Mom.
Yeah, we know how she gets.
Exactly.
If she finds out we crashed, we won't be able to ride anymore.
We can keep a secret.
Yeah, we never told anyone about that time Mazzi put Mr.
Bubbles in the Jacuzzi.
- What? - What? I don't know, Jade.
I been lying to Mom, lying to our class, and now you want me to lie in front of the entire church? Man, I feel like a politician.
We're not lying.
We're creating new avenues for success.
Yeah, by lying! Did you hear that? All clear.
Shaka, stop being so scared.
We'll be fine.
Remember, "No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
" Hmm.
The Bible has some cool sayings.
I know.
It's pretty inspirational.
Maybe one day, we'll really learn it.
I can't believe we just said that.
I'm done.
Can I be excused? Of course, sweet pea.
Can you put your bowl in the sink, please? Honey, why are you limping? Uh, she's not limping.
She's trying to do your Beyoncé strut.
Get it, girl! Yeah! All right.
Well, we'll work on it.
Mazzi, stop playing with your food.
Use your right hand.
I'm full.
Wait a minute.
What is going on here? You guys got hurt on those go-karts, didn't you? Uh, what go-karts? Yes.
We were drifting like The Rock in Fast and Furious 6.
Mm-hmm.
Well, guess who's furious now.
Uh, Tyrese? I will talk to you about this after church.
You better pray God sends forgiveness to my heart.
Come on, Ami.
Check on you first.
Hoo, I don't know about you, but I feel much better now that the truth is out.
You know what snitches get? Stitches? No, worse.
Dishes.
But my arm hurts.
Use your feet.
Church, I'd like you to introduce you to the new, undisputed Bible-verse champion, my granddaughter Jade.
We thought it would be fun to have a rematch.
Amen? Amen! Turn to your neighbor and say, "Neighbor.
" Neighbor.
"Let's watch Jade shine.
" Let's watch Jade shine.
Oh.
Good luck, sweet girl.
Thank you.
Oh.
You're not gonna need this.
Okay.
"Truth.
" This is one of my favorites.
Amen.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
" All right, all right.
Your turn.
Uh "God so loved the world " Woo! Now that's the truth, y'all.
- It is.
- That's the truth.
She got you on that one, Sister Amelia.
Yes, she did.
Pick another.
"Honoring my elders.
" I honor you, M'Dear.
Aww.
Oh, thank you.
But can you give us an actual verse with that? "Jesus wept for God, that the Father " "My cup runneth over.
Amazing grace.
" "Jesus, save me.
" Meet Him halfway.
Church I have a confession to make.
Yes, she does.
Speak, child.
Speak.
Moving to Columbus hasn't been easy.
Well My whole life has been turned upside down.
Upside down Yes.
I said upside down.
Upside down Upside down? Upside down I've made some mistakes but but anybody here who hasn't made a mistake, cast the first rock! Stone! Oh, we know what she meant.
Let Him use you, Jade.
Sit down, Elvis.
I cheated.
I didn't earn this belt.
I let the Devil get me off my path, but I rebuke that demon right now! I rebuke him! Woo! Rebuke that demon, sister.
Rebuke him! Rebuke him! I know, I know the Lord has forgiven me.
Yes, He has.
But what about you, M'Dear? Forgive my wayward child! Yeah! Hug your grandbaby! Praise the Lord That hurts, M'Dear.
I know.
You gonna praise Him Praise the Lord Praise Him Praise Him We gonna praise Him Praise the Lord Praise the Lord His voice Upside down That was a powerful word you had today, Jade.
Powerful word.
Mm-hmm.
It's a shame your grandpa's out of town and missed it.
- Maybe you've got a calling.
- Mm, I don't know about all that.
I don't even get why we have to memorize Bible verses.
Ooh, I used to say the very same thing to my grandmother.
They had Bibles back then? Boy, hush.
I know you kids think I'm strict with all the rules and the chores and Bible school, but these are the things that prepare you for life.
She's right.
One of the reasons I've been so successful is because I'm very disciplined, thanks to M'Dear.
I don't like it but I get it.
Good.
So after you clean the bathrooms, you and your little accomplice can memorize the Lord's Prayer, the Apostle's Creed, and the Ten Commandments by next Friday.
Mom? Dad? Don't Mom me.
I'm gonna let this happen because A, you need it, and B, I got a hair appointment.
Thank God.
Was that out loud? One day, I'm going to study hard and win that belt.
And one more thing.
Because you cheated, I am still the undisputed Bible-verse champion of the world! - Do me! Do me! - Ah! - Me, too! - And me! And me, and me! Me, too! You still mad? Of course I'm mad.
You let our kids get hurt and tried to hide it from me.
I'm sorry.
That was wrong, and I have to say, with all honesty it was Ami's idea.
Okay, okay.
It was my idea.
I hate being wrong.
Look, honey, you're not wrong.
I understand what you were trying to do.
The kids need the kind of confidence that comes from real-life adventures, away from screens and VR goggles.
I promise, I won't break our family.
You better not.
I've worked really hard to get them here.
I know.
I was next to you every step of the way.
You were passed out on the floor.
Next to you.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, fine.
I agree our kids should be kids and get out into the world.
By the way, I love your hair.
Oh.
Thank you.
Feel like my fabulous self again.
Ooh.
Work it.
Can I get a Beyoncé strut? Sure.
Oh.
Strut, girl, strut.
Mm, mm.
Are you hurt? - Did you drive one of the go-karts? - What go-karts? Okay, fine.
I might've had a little accident with a tree.
Oh, Cocoa! The red one's mine! Girl, don't you limp away from me! What are you What?