F*%#Ing Adelaide (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

1
GIRL: Eli?
SONG: ♪Get out, get out
♪Off you go
♪You don't want to stay ♪♪
(KNOCKS) Eli!
♪If you love ♪♪
Eli, can you and Kitty come out
so I can say goodbye?
Because I've got to go.
♪..single day
(SONG CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Eli, I've got to go.
Kitty?
Bye, Emma.
Bye, Kitty. I love you.
Eli?
For when you come out.
I'm writing you a message, Eli.
He's fine.
You've got to go. They'll be fine.
MAN: Where's the sugar?
WOMAN: Just a minute.
Oh, fuck.
Hang on. Yeah, hang on just one sec.
OK, how's that?
WOMAN: Uh, we can see
the top of your head and a wall.
"We"? Who's there with you?
Michael Schaaf from DFAT's here.
He has some questions
around our scheme proposal.
Uh, OK.
Maybe I'm just going to
turn the video off.
Mum!
It's OK, if just angle it.
Hey, listen, guys,
can I just call you back in a second?
The deadline is Tuesday.
(URINATES)
We have Michael here until
Um, OK.
Well, what if we just
push this one more day?
Our bags are packed, so
No.
(SPLASH!)
Uh, guys, I'm gonna have to
call you back. I think you've frozen.
Yeah, we can hear you.
Can you hear me?
(DOOR OPENS)
Can you actually stop working
and come out and help
the rest of us?
Can you just give me
one fucking second?!
BOY: Mum?!
WOMAN: (ON TABLET) We can hear you.
Fuck.
I heard if you submerge it
in rice
Can I submerge Mum in rice?
That's going to take a lot of rice.
You saw what she did
the other night, right?
Rather than just explain to me
why she doesn't want
some ugly statue burnt,
she just douses the entire
fire and walks off.
See, douse and walk away -
that's her thing.
Mm. I think you should talk to her.
We can't avoid her all day.
I can definitely try.
We don't have to leave tomorrow,
babe. We can stay.
I can't work here, Toby.
OK, well then Cleo and I
can go out for the afternoon,
so you can get out of the toilet
and spend some time with Maude.
I like it in here.
I think you should probably
talk to her, babe.
You know, otherwise
you're going to just leave
and things are just going to be
unresolved again.
That's no way to say goodbye.
OK, yes, I can do that.
Thanks.
An afternoon.
SONG: ♪Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck
♪No, no, yep, no
♪Mum!
No, no, yep
♪No, no, yep, no
♪Mum!
♪Now
Yeah. ♪♪
(MUTTERS) Oh, for God's sake.
Was that your family
I just heard leave?
Yeah.
You all packed, then?
Yeah, we got the shipping company
coming tomorrow.
Get all my stuff out of your hair
once and for all.
Hallelujah.
Eli!
Hey, I thought that maybe
you and I could crack open
some of those old photo albums
and just take one last look-see
before all of this goes.
Kitty!
(RINGS BELL) Where is everyone?
I thought maybe that you and I
could spend a bit of time together
before we head back.
What, reminiscing
over crappy old photographs?
OK.
Why don't we just sit and talk?
So, all the photos are in here.
My God.
There is a whole lifetime of stuff.
When was the last time
you were in here?
Yeah, well, you know,
a lot of life lived.
And I tend to keep a hold of things.
You never know when
one of my refugee families
might need some extra blankets
or a a boogie board.
You know that you shouldn't keep
photos out here, Mum.
They'll get all damp and mouldy.
They are fine.
They have been fine
for quite a while, Emma.
I don't think we can get up there.
Well, they didn't get
up there by themselves.
Maybe we should wait
till Toby's back.
How did they get up there
in the first place?
Well, I had a ladder.
Not that old wooden ladder?
Mm-hm. The very one.
Mum, I burnt that in the bonfire.
Mmm.
I mean, that was
a really shitty ladder, Mum,
but you let me burn your only ladder?
I don't know, you were having
so much fun,
didn't seem right to stop you.
OK, so, how did you think that
we were going to get up there?
Maybe Kitty can come and climb up.
You know, she's young and nimble.
Where's Kitty?
I don't I don't know, Mum.
But I think that it is
entirely reasonable
for you and I to be able
to work together,
just the two of us,
and find a way get up there,
get the photos down, reminisce
and have a good time, OK?
OK.
Right.
Why can't you just trust me
that this will work?
Alright! Alright.
Here, give me that.
What?
That one there. That.
That crate there.
Can you empty it out?
Put it down there.
You know, I have built housing
and water systems
for whole communities, Mum,
so I think that you could just
trust me a little.
I think you put them up here
deliberately.
You know me,
I don't like to look back much.
Well, maybe having a look
through them will be good.
One more?
Please.
Oh, my God.
You're welcome.
You know, they could be
in those boxes over there.
Oh, for fuck's sake, Mum!
Please, stop attacking me.
Oh, my God.
Hey, what is this?
Right, definitely
in those boxes over there.
I love this jacket.
Is there more of my stuff in here?
That is not your jacket.
What? This is definitely my jacket.
You are crazy, Emma Donaldson.
I've had that jacket for years.
No, I wore this very jacket
to my high school formal.
I don't know why you want
to push it.
Can we not just agree to
disagree on this one?
No, I would rather that we work out
how to agree to agree!
At my Year 12 formal
I wore this jacket
over a beautiful red skater dress.
Meredith loved it.
Or are you gonna deny that too?
That's when you were a lesbian.
You know, I loved it
when you were a lesbian -
you were so much fucking nicer.
I was never a lesbian, Mum.
Bi. I was always bi, Mum!
Or would you like to agree
to disagree about that too?!
Mum!
Can you come back!
SONG: ♪My leather jacket,
my leather jacket
♪My leather jacket ♪♪
Eli!
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Can it wait?
You remember that leather jacket
I had? Fuck off zips?
Um, yeah, of course.
Beautiful red.
Uh, yeah, sort of.
It was more of a black.
OK.
You remember it though, right?
I wore it to my formal.
I remember you leaving us soon
after. Hey, I'm on the toilet.
Look, I'm not trying to be difficult,
it's just
Can you please get off Grindr
for a second and think?
(PHONE CHIMES)
Not Grindr. Gumtree.
I'm getting heaps of sales
from all of our shit.
Em, do you ever feel like
you sort of just disappear
from the world a little
when you come back here?
Like, here we just kind of fade away
and the world keeps going on
without us?
SONG: ♪My leather jacket ♪♪
Alright. Yeah, but you remember
the jacket, right?
Black, right?
Fuck off zips?
Oh!
(LEATHER JACKET SONG CONTINUES)
(LAUGHS)
Dickhead.
Look what I found.
Oh, God, I remember that.
That was that charity drive,
and what's-his-name,
he got really drunk and emotional
and started crying.
Oh, from South Africa, yes.
Oh, look at you.
So serious.
Look at that seven-year-old's frown.
God, Eli wasn't even born yet.
God, I look so pregnant.
Ugh, skip.
I thought I looked beautiful
when I was pregnant.
He's in these photos.
OK, let's not.
Why did you even keep those?
Look at Eli and Kitty. They've got
a bit of the same handsomeness.
Skip. Skip. Skip.
(SIGHS)
There.
Oh, look at Eli. (SIGHS)
You know, at 14 he suddenly
sprouted height and charm.
(LAUGHS)
And Kitty.
I think that was her ninth.
And even though it was
her birthday party,
she gave everyone else presents.
Oh, God, I missed out on so much.
Yeah, it would've been nice to have
you around for these things.
Mum, it's probably stupid,
but I just always felt like
this would be the place
that I could come back to if
Oh, look at this!
Oh, what a party.
When was that?
Oh, I don't know.
You couldn't have been five.
And look at that.
No.
No, no, no, no.
That's my leather jacket!
No, no, no, no.
You know, Mum. No.
And there it is again.
No, no, no. See, no, no
That one's got a date stamped on it.
You know that I wore that jacket,
Mum. You know
So, you wore my jacket a few times.
It's OK.
No, this doesn't mean
that I didn't wear it
and that I didn't feel like
it was mine, so why
It's OK.
You could get a good price for
that jacket, Mum. It's vintage.
Well, I'm sure she'd rather sell it
than ever dream of
letting me have it.
If you loved it so much,
you should've taken it with you
when you left.
You never forgave me.
You didn't want me to stay, Mum.
You even told me to go.
You make me
so fucking angry sometimes.
Have you even asked
any of your children
how we still feel about all of this?!
Do you know how Kitty feels
about moving?
They are fine, Emma.
I'm fine.
Well, I'm not!
I mean, why now?
I actually don't even understand.
Why are you even fucking
selling the house!
(SMASH!)
Of all of the things that
you could do to this family
..this family that you say
you love so much.
You don't think
you never think that I have
..I have good reason for my choices.
Well, like what, Mum?
Tell me!
Geoff and I are still married.
Does that mean
What does that mean?
We never divorced.
But what does that mean?
So, he still owns half of it?
But he's still up in Perth, right?
Then we definitely need to
sell this house.
Whoo! (LAUGHS)
(PHONE CHIMES)
Looks like we're sticking around
Adelaide a bit longer, bub.
If that's alright with you?
Sure.
Don't text and skate, Dad.
I wouldn't worry about it, babe.
Look how peaceful and quiet
it is around here.
We've got the whole neighbourhood
to ourself, you know?
Don't even need to wear a helmet.
(SIREN BLARES)
Ooh, fucking Adelaide.
Captions by Red Bee Media -
Part of Ericsson
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation