Fired on Mars (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[Elevator bell dings]
Beautiful day, huh?
Every day above ground
is a beautiful day.
You got that right.
[Elevator bell dings]
Well, this is me.
See you tomorrow!
And, also, I love you.
We've been riding this
elevator every day
for the past six years,
and every day,
I've wanted to tell you
that I love you.
Jesus Christ, Doug,
get it together!
[Gulps]
[Exhales]
[Elevator bell dings]
[Low rumbling]
[Explosion]
[Uplifting music plays]
♪
[Explosions]
♪
[People screaming]
♪
Darren: I gotta say I'm very
disappointed here, Jeff.
I mean, think about
how this reflects on us!
We set you up with a new job
and then you nuke the place?
Whoosh!
Strike one hundred.
Next stop
tank-town.
Not that the tank is
a punitive instrument, Darren.
But in this case we do think
it would be best
to put some space between you
and the rest of the colony.
Yeah, we're thinking
a year or two.
Minimum.
[Monitor beeping]
What do you have to say
for yourself?
Well, first, obviously,
I'm as shocked a as you are.
That's the truth.
I mean, who could have imagined
something like
this actually even
Ma'am?
Jaxton is awake.
Oh, thank God.
Send him in.
Guy's got a pair of wrecking
balls between his legs, huh?
He saved what?
Must've been a dozen lives?
Just imagine the carnage
if he hadn't been there
There he is!
The man of the hour.
The hero of Mars!
Have a seat, buddy.
You earned it.
Jeff here was just about
to tell us
exactly how he managed
to nearly murder
and destroy an entire,
crucial department.
Isn't that right, Jeff?
Stop, stop.
You got it all wrong.
I'm no hero.
Uh, Jax?
[Chuckles]
You bump your head
or something, bud?
Jax: It was my fault.
I must've forgot to turn off
the nitrous yesterday
Sometimes I turn on the gas
to keep things on an even keel.
"It's like playing jazz."
I just feel it out and
I don't know.
You okay, man?
Uh, yeah, I'm okay,
except for the fact that the
Well, then. Jeff, it looks like
we owe you an apology.
Hey Jeff, why don't you
go lie down for a bit, okay?
But actually, fellas
No buts, pal.
You need to rest.
Nothing's more important
than your health.
Hey, but, if you can just
give me a minute,
I-I think I can shed
some light on
♪
Oh, God, what did I do?
♪
[Buzzing]
Phew, okay
Ugh, this is all out of order.
You're not using
Jaxton's system.
Oh. O-Okay.
I'm not sure he fully
explained this step?
But But if you give me
a quick refresher,
I think I might have a
I'm on the receiving end
of the system,
not the refreshing end, Jeff.
And in case you haven't noticed,
we are dangerously behind here.
You do know that our advocacy
and promotion of personal
well-being is literally
the only thing
stopping half of this colony
from killing themselves?
Yes, o-of course.
Fuck-ups like these
have huge consequences, Jeff.
Right.
Huge!
O-Okay.
Get my water ready
for Dream Circle.
Copy.
Now, did you want that
with lemon or without?
Yeah, Jeff, I actually want the
water without lemon this time.
Thank you for asking.
Let's skip the antioxidants
and the flavonoids
and let the inflammation
run rampant
through my entire weakened,
critically injured body.
So you do want it
with lemon water?
[Echoing]
LEMON WATER NOW!
Yes, ma'am.
Now, I know this has been
a intensely traumatic week,
but let's do our best
to remember the reason
we're all here.
Dreams.
I'll go first.
[Rattling]
I have a dream
that we make all the cafeteria
tables into chalkboards
and we put little cups
of colored chalk around.
Doodling is a natural
stress-reliever.
And I know I could sure use
a stress-reliever
right about now.
[All muttering agreement]
Marcus, would you like
to go next?
Oh, I have a dream
that my eyebrows magically
grow back overnight
after that freak
Jaxton burned them off.
[Chuckling]
C'mon, Marcus.
I don't think that's right.
I know it's hard, but please,
let's keep it positive.
"Positive"
positive.
I have a dream
that Jeff is as successful
a presence
as I just know
he's gonna be.
Because I never
want to go back to working
with that freak motherfucker
ever again.
I mean, he's so toxic.
He was literally
gaslighting us with gas!
Okay, people, okay.
The elephant in the room
Jaxton.
Let's just say, I've been
working very closely
with Darren on this,
and we found a much
more suitable place for him.
A tank.
A sleep tank, actually.
[Low rumbling]
I don't quite understand
the science of it all,
but the bottom line is
[Heartbeat]
he's gonna be in there
a long, long time.
Years.
If he can survive that long
without kissing Reagan's ass.
[Laughter echoing]
♪
[Pounding]
♪
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Blender whirring]
Hey Mario. Hey, man.
Hey, I don't know
if you actually heard me,
but I ordered a smoothie,
not some loosey-goosey
puddle of piss.
Let's thicken her up with some
bananas please, okay, Chief?
Thank you.
You're putting Jax
in the tank?
We sure are!
But the tank's
a killing machine!
Well, actually,
we fixed it!
And really, there wasn't
anything wrong with it at all.
In all the hustle and bustle
of getting your
unconscious body in there,
we forgot to flush out
your bowels.
So you were just choking on that
stuff for weeks and weeks.
But I think there's been
a mistake, y'know?
I think Jax took responsibility
for something
that actually was completely
an accident, maybe.
I-I don't know,
it could have been something
that had nothing
to do with him.
I just don't know.
Well, thank you, Mario.
Thank you so much.
Why are you even worrying
about this stuff?
You're the Dreamspiration
guy now.
You don't got time to fret
about Jax.
Guy's a total flunky.
A dud.
He's all cashed out.
He's got no edge.
Not like you.
Look at you!
You're a young, virile executive
with a head full of dreams
and a dick
full of lead, baby!
You got your whole life
ahead of you.
You look great, Jeff,
by the way.
You You smell like shit,
but you look great.
[Echoing] Guy's a dud.
He's all cashed out.
He's got no edge.
Jax: and every
victorious soldier
has one thing in common
an edge.
Shit, if things
really went south,
I got enough plutonium
to bring this whole place
down around us like
[Imitates explosion]
♪
See, the thing is,
some ancient grains she likes,
some ancient grains
she does not like.
Quinoa, that's a yes.
Millet, that's a yes.
Barley, that's a yes.
Buckwheat, that's a no.
Right. Yeah.
Jax: Now let me ask you something.
You got any tips
for the tank?
Ah, l-listen, Jax, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.
See, I really think there
might be
another path forward
on all of this.
You know how you were
telling me you had
"enough plutonium to bring
this whole place down"?
Mmmmmmm.
"Dirt on everybody."
Y-Your necklace thing.
U-Um
Jax!
The shark tooth USB drive?
It It's the only thing
around your neck?
Oh, this.
Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.
No way, man.
Th That's
That's for my peeps.
Yeah, I-I'd never use it
on myself.
It would be selfish.
Sometimes you
gotta be selfish.
No way, amigo.
Only assholes are selfish.
If you were in trouble?
Sure.
I-I'd deploy the nukes.
But no
not for ol' Jax.
I've got a date
with the tank.
I know it's gonna be
pretty wet in there.
Pretty dark, too.
But lord knows I've spent plenty
of time in the shadows.
Hey, easy there, bud.
Here, how about we have another
round before we hit the road?
[Muffled humming]
Dreamland ♪
There let my dreams ♪
Take it easy.
[Snoring]
COME trueeeee ♪
Good boy. That's it.
Whoa!
[Belches]
Oh, shit!
You're okay, old friend,
you're okay.
[Exhales, snorts]
[Snoring]
♪
[Cheers and applause]
Unless you've been living under
a rock for the past few years,
you know the name
Junior Ellis.
Commercials, magazines,
television appearances,
and the new face
of Brian's Beef Barn,
located right off of exit 27
in downtown Fort Lauderdale.
Folks, little Junior Ellis
is living large.
[Cheers and applause]
What the f?
Jax?
Jax: Turn it off.
[Gasps]
I-I was just trying to
TURN IT OFF.
NOW!
I Sorry, uh
Give me that!
I-I'm sorry. I-I was just trying
to get the dirt to save you.
To save my peep.
The only dirt I got
is on myself.
On that 350-pound,
chipmunk-cheeked loser.
I-I don't know about that,
Jax, I mean, I
I thought it was kind of cool.
Sure, you
you might have been a little
on the husky side, but
I changed my name the day
I turned twelve.
The last 30 years?
They've been about
changing everything else.
It's been
a difficult journey.
But I'll tell you what.
When I met you,
I realized something.
I don't always gotta walk
that road alone.
Sure it sucks I hit a multi-year
detour with this tank stuff.
But, hey, at least I got to
make a good buddy first.
A best buddy.
I love you, man.
Oh, o-okay.
Well, I love you, to
[Sobbing]
♪
[Rainstick rattling]
Man: I have a dream.
A little gong
right by the door.
Just give it a ring.
Y'know, you don't always
gotta ring it hard.
Just give it
a little "Bong."
There's something
I-I gotta say to everyone.
A-A
Dream.
No. Not a dream.
Not a dream?
A fib, actually.
That I told.
Technically an omission.
And, well
Uh
I'm the one who caused the
explosion event at your party.
Sorry, Jeff, are you
making a joke or?
It's It's just
sometimes hard to know.
I-I'm not making a joke.
I caused the explosion.
Ha, ha, Jeff.
Goddamn it, w-w-will you
listen to me?
Jax had nothing to do with it.
I was just worried about
your birthday, Reagan.
I didn't want everyone
to be disappointed.
A-And the truth is,
I actually think
there's a path forward
where we can all come together
and instead of punishing people,
I believe that we can focus
on getting things back on track,
y'know,
to how they were
you know, b-before
the explosion.
Well, thank you, Jeff. Wow.
You know, I do my best to
make sure this is a safe space.
A space of tolerance for people
to speak and exist
without judgment or stigma.
But when people take
advantage of my trust,
the safe space is obliterated.
You make me sick, and luckily,
I won't have to see
your lying face anymore.
You've been transferred.
Transferred to the tank.
[Laughing maniacally]
Oh, my God, babe.
Did they say how long?
Um, a few years.
More than a few, actually.
Oh, my God, Jeff
Oh.
This is all so sudden.
Yeah.
Fuck!
I mean, I feel like things
were really starting
to get so good
between us.
Like we were, I don't know, rekindling.
I mean, at least
you'll be up here soon.
Oh. Right.
So you can, I don't know,
visit me.
Just tap on the glass
or something.
Jeffy
And then who knows, y'know?
Maybe 10 years from now,
you're walking down that hallway
and you come around
the corner and there I am.
I would love that.
How did this happen?
How did it come to this?
♪
No need to be precious.
Our boy's an old pro.
Just don't go dying on us
this time, 'kay, bud?
[Echoing] Good night!
[Chuckles]
Oh, he's out, he's out, okay.
The playground is officially
open. Who wants to go first?
Time to give this son of a bitch
a run for his money.
[Laughs]
You know what, honey?
I've been thinking about this
whole Mars thing, and, uh
I don't want to go.
That's fine.
It was just a thought.
Yeah, I mean,
why would I go to Mars?
When you really think about it,
we have everything here.
A beautiful home.
The sunset, the breeze
and you.
Papa, Papa!
What is it, Etienne?
Tilly wants to open
her presents.
[Dog barks]
[Laughs]
Hannah: Banjo!
Get out of here!
[All laughing]
Banjo!
You're silly!
What about Papa's present?
The kids picked something
out just for you, Jeff.
Up here, Papa!
[Eerie music plays]
♪
Wait, what?
♪
W-What's going on here?
♪
Wait.
Whoa.
W-W No, no!
[Banging]
[Alarm blaring]
Jax.
That's what happens to people
who fuck with my peeps.
[Phone chiming]
Jeff: Ha-Hannah!
Oh
Hey, boo!
- No
- I'm free!
Yep, i-it's like a miracle
or something.
I-It's unbelievable!
Wow
What happened?
Well, I was in there and it was
filling up with water,
and then you know what?
It doesn't matter.
The tank's destroyed.
Gone.
I mean, it's it's over!
It's really fucking over!
Jeff
I know! Yeah!
And hey, listen, I saw something
when I was in there,
and, I, uh
I'm just
Well, I wanted to say
I'm so damn happy
to have you in my life.
And I know that these past
few months have been hard,
but I'm gonna
make it up to you
And they don't
have another tub?
Tank!
Like, in the back somewhere?
I-I was imprisoned
in a tank!
And no, I don't think
they have another one.
But Hannah?
Okay, what's going on?
Listen, Jeff
I need to tell you something.
Hann?
I'm not coming to Mars.
♪
[Wind whistling]
♪
Jeff: A frontier town on the
edge of the known universe.
A blank slate of red dirt,
the biggest volcano
in the solar system,
and ice.
Lots and lots of ice.
One day, it'd become
a thriving petri dish
of aerobic life-forms.
But for now, it was just us.
This was where
we'd planted our flag.
This was where we would write
our next chapter.
♪
[Grunting]
♪
Hey, uh,
I wanted to say thanks.
For what you did.
For me, y'know,
to the tank.
You're good
to your peeps.
And I didn't even think
I was a peep anymore,
to tell you the truth.
Not sure I know
what you're talking about.
Yeah, okay, well,
I'll see you around.
W-What do you got there?
This?
It's just building supplies.
Uh, what are you building?
A man.
Oh, like a
like a little robot dude or?
No.
Me.
♪
A man decides after
seventeen years ♪
That what he goes there for ♪
Is to unlock the door ♪
While those around him
criticize and sleep ♪
♪
Yes, most people derive meaning
from their jobs.
But what if I told you
my job is me?
I'm my own life's work!
♪
But we're never gonna survive
unless ♪
Nihao.
My name is Jeff.
Wo jiao Jeff.
No, we're never gonna survive
unless we are a little ♪
Crazy ♪
Crazy are the people
walking through my head ♪
One of them's got a gun ♪
To shoot the other one ♪
And yet together they were
friends at school ♪
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
The fire went out when
we first took the pill ♪
They'll be back, be back,
be back, be back ♪
Woo zhàngfu yu dào máfanle,
woo xuyào qu kàn yisheng.
Fuck!
♪
But we're never gonna survive
unless we get a little crazy ♪
But we're never gonna survive
unless we are a little ♪
Crazy ♪
No, no, we'll never survive ♪
Unless we get a little bit ♪
A man decides, oh,
long after seventeen years ♪
Oh, darling ♪
In a sky full of people,
only some want to fly ♪
Isn't that crazy? ♪