Fisk (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
Taken
[BIRDS TWITTER, DOG BARKS]
[CROCKERY CLANKS]
[CLANKING CONTINUES]
[ARTIE WHIMPERS]
- [BLENDER WHIRRS]
- May, I'm doing juice.
Do you want juice?
- What?
- Juice? Do you want juice?
No. And don't use the
juicer, you'll wake Helen.
What?!
[BENDER WHIRRS LOUDLY]
Morning, Helen.
How was your weekend?
Yeah. Good, thanks.
- What did you get up to?
- Um
Made some pretty good soup.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
- Brought the leftovers for lunch.
- Good for you.
Is that all?
I don't know, do you have
any questions for me about my weekend?
No. I don't think so.
Alright, then.
What was that about?
Maybe she wanted some of your soup.
Maybe. It's pretty good soup.
RAYMOND: Hey, Fisk, you busy?
Ooh, I feel like
that's a trick question.
If I say no,
you'll wonder why I'm not busy.
If I say yes, you'll think I'm rude,
'cause I'm kind of saying,
"Get out of my office,"
- "I'm busy."
- You finished?
- Yep.
- There's a Popovitch
coming in at 11:00.
I want you to take it.
- A whatavitch?
- Popovitch.
Might want to hide your purse.
Purse?
I'm not an old woman.
Who says 'purse'?
Raymond, I need you to hide my purse.
There's a Popovitch coming in.
GEORGE: Don't really
know about the social
- One of each
- Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey.
Don't look now
but I think there's a clown
in reception.
Is it someone's birthday?
I said don't look now.
That's Eileen Popovitch.
She's your 11 o'clock.
Is she circus folk?
Fun.
Hi.
Alright. Miss Popovitch,
So, I do understand
Unfortunate
ly.
I
Sorry, I think you accidentally
dropped the spoon into your
- Purse.
- Pardon?
Never mind.
What I was saying, the problem is
I can't grant you power of attorney
without your mother being present.
- But she's demented.
- Right.
And is that
why you want this authority?
So that you can make decisions
about her health and wellbeing?
No, no. I need to make the decisions
about money.
She can't be trusted.
- She's demented.
- OK. Well,
whether your mother is
demented or has dementia,
which I believe
is the preferred way of saying it,
I can't do anything
We
I'm sorry. We need to
That's my
That's my diary. So
Did you want to make
another appointment?
Yes. Let's make another appointment.
- Yeah.
- And then you can give me
power of attorney.
We'll get your mother in
and you can just help yourself
to some
Free stationery items
to go with your free teaspoon.
- Hey.
- Hello, Helen.
Hello, Roz.
- How's your morning been?
- Good, thanks.
Sorry, did you want
to use the microwave?
No, no. I'm just saying hello,
having a friendly chat.
There's nothing wrong with that,
is there?
No.
Sorry. I just thought we'd already
had our chat this morning,
remember in reception
about the soup and the
Weekend and stuff.
There's no statute of limitations
on friendly chitchat, Helen.
Put a cover on that
before you put it in the microwave.
Will do.
Good morning, fine sir.
I am looking
for one Ms Helen Tudor-Fisk.
Nice office.
I'm just going to uh
Pop a few of these down.
I'm doing a festival nearby.
You might want to come.
Yeah. Have one for yourself.
Tell your friends, um
'Cause we need ticket sales to go up
as well a little bit.
Hey, there's a guy called William
in reception to see you.
He says he knows you.
Oh, not William Ford?
- He just said William.
- Handsome black guy?
- I don't know.
- You don't know if he's black
- or you don't know if he's handsome?
- Both.
I don't see colour, or handsome.
Do you see age?
How old do you reckon he was?
Pretty old. I reckon maybe, like,
- 40?
- Wow. That's so old.
- Did he seem up himself?
- Yes. Definitely.
He called me "fine sir".
[UNDER HER BREATH] Shit.
Fisk, I just met your
ex-husband in reception.
He's quite the good-looking rooster.
Mmm
Helen.
Nah. Nah.
Come on. Out of here.
OK.
A little Friendly hug?
Why are you here? What do you want?
Oh, God. That's my boss. Get over here.
It's lovely to see you, too, Helen.
I'm actually here
for the literary festival.
I have some complimentary passes.
Oh, please. As if. No.
Quickly, what do you need?
I was going through a few things,
and I found this,
I ordered it for your
birthday last year,
- but, well, you know
- Then you left me,
for an older woman. I remember.
To be fair, Hels,
you're an older woman.
Oh, h I'm not 63.
God, you two are like Harold and Maude.
Oh, that's showing your age.
Oh, here it is.
Oh OK. Well, now I feel bad.
- That is really nice.
- It is, isn't it?
Hey, can we get a coffee?
There's a few things,
- I need to talk to you about.
- No. I can't.
Hels, please, can we get a coffee?
- I just want to get a coffee.
- I can't. I'm banned.
Oh, of course you are.
Did you suggest there should be a limit
of three takeaways per customer?
No. But that should
absolutely be the rule
especially during busy periods.
Ooh, I know, did you suggest
to the barista that it's easier
- to froth and talk at the same time?
- No, but again,
that's not an unreasonable suggestion.
You know I'm not saying
you can't chat to customers,
but just keep the line moving,
talk and froth, people,
- talk and froth.
- Oh, I know.
- Did you tell him that his
- Hey. Hey.
Could you just get us some takeaways?
- Yeah. OK.
- Thank you.
Oh, hey, I don't
I don't have my wallet.
There you go. Use my money.
It's your favourite.
- I'll pay you back.
- Ooh, I bet.
I think it would be a
terrific way to cut through.
People love videos on the internet.
Yeah, I'm not sure people
love probate law videos.
Maybe if we did a cat video or?
Ray, I was just saying
I think Gruber & Gruber should do
- a promotional video.
- Maybe with a cat in it?
Won't be doing anything
for Gruber & Gruber.
Just found out we can't
trade under that name,
while you're suspended.
Can you get on to that, George?
Knock one of those Grubers off
for me, mate?
- Oh, no.
- You'll need a ladder.
And you might want to start
with the second one.
Other it would be "& Gruber",
which would look ridiculous.
Yeah. I know.
I know. I know. It's our dream.
I-I want shared custody of Arthur.
OK. It's 'Artie'.
And how would that work?
- You live in Sydney.
- Well, six months on,
- six months off.
- [CHUCKLES]
Oh, my God, you're serious?
You just took him.
We never discussed it.
Yeah. He's my dog.
You can't be content
with just taking the house,
and my self esteem?
You don't get it. I'm an artist,
- he's my muse.
- Well, he's a pretty shit muse.
You haven't written anything
for 10 years.
Hurtful.
Alright,
there hasn't been another novel, but,
I've been doing a lot of poetry,
there's been some journaling,
I'm doing a lot of talks
at the library.
- Wow. All inspired by my dog?
- Our dog.
I bought him, remember?
For me. You bought him for me.
With my money.
Have you still got my wallet?
Oh
Sorry, I forgot.
Can I get the receipt for
I can claim it. It's a business
Gentle. Gentle.
Is that a butterknife?
[CLANG!]
- Hello, Helen.
- Oh, hello, Roz.
How's the weather out there?
It's very good, thanks.
And how is the weather with you?
What does that mean?
Have you chipped that?
Only exterior.
Yeah, but why do I have to do chitchat,
every time I pass her in the office?
- It's a tiny office.
- MAY: It's polite.
- It's what people do, Helen.
- Well, sorry, mate,
I don't have that much chitchat.
- Yeah. Course you do.
- Nah.
You could ask,
how'd you sleep last night?
- Or, what's on for the weekend or
- Bored.
Have you got any suggestions, Graham?
Did you know,
that many European countries
enjoy their main meal of the day
at lunchtime?
No. No. That's not chitchat.
That's a fun fact.
I think that's more just a fact, May.
You see it's got to be casual,
like, "Ooh, um"
"I notice you're drinking Earl Grey tea,
how delicious."
"But, have you tried French Earl Grey?"
"'Cause it's a little more subtle."
- See?
- OK. Let me try again.
Did you know that wombat poo
- is square?
- No. Stop.
See, you can't start with
"did you know",
because that's not chit
Is their poo really square?
Guys, I'm actually quite tired.
Do you mind if I go to bed?
Oh, yeah, of course.
Actually,
you do look very tired, sweetie.
You should go to bed.
It's just, you're on my bed
'cause I'm sleeping on your sofa.
Which is very kind of you.
But it means you have to
Get out of my room,
and I'm sending you to bed.
Ah, go to bed.
- Be like toddlers.
- Go on.
Ready? Go.
Good boy.
Come on in. Let me show you around.
Here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Whether you're looking for a will
or a Helen
Helen?
Morning Roz.
- Did you sleep well?
- Get out of my shot.
Keep moving. I'm working.
Keep walking. Go. Go. Go. Out.
I slept very well, thank you.
Morning, George. Always good to chat.
Start again.
Here.
Don't look at yourself, Roz,
look at the barrel, down the barrel.
Is that there or there?
I think it's there.
Alright, I've just got
a couple of teas for you there.
If you need a spoon, there's probably,
one in your bag from last time.
And I might just take that back
to reception, I think, Mrs Popovitch.
No, no. Finders keepers.
Yep. Yep.
Well, I find it, I'm keeping it.
OK. Hide that.
What are these?
Who put these here?
The old guy, the "fine sir" guy,
- asked if he could put them there.
- Oh, no way.
That's not happening.
- [WHISPERS] Helen.
- Yeah.
Can you frisk Mrs Popovitch?
I think she's got the lucky
waving cat in her pocket.
No. I'm not going to cavity search
an old woman.
Cavity search?
It's not in her prison pocket.
Alright.
OK
Finders keepers.
Sure. Knock yourself out.
You can have all those.
Now, Mrs Popovitch,
have you agreed to grant your daughter
power of attorney?
- Yes. She has.
- No. I haven't.
OK. Now, she's just said she hasn't.
She doesn't understand.
- Let me tell her.
- OK.
I'm getting power of attorney today,
Mother, remember?
We agreed.
OK.
Do you understand what
power of attorney means,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- Yes. I do.
She wants my money
because she's addicted to the eBay.
Do you know what eBay is?
It's the devil's department store.
Don't say that about eBay.
I'll let
Oh, no. No.
No. No. No. No.
Can't have that. That's my phone.
I like the dog.
Well,
you know what? You can have the dog.
I don't care about that bit.
There you go.
Finders keepers.
- Is that your dog?
- Yeah. That's my dog.
Best dog in the world. That's Artie.
I used to have a dog.
- Aww
- No
She didn't. OK.
Eileen, do you have
a medical certificate,
- that says your mother has dementia?
- Yes.
OK. Well, can I see that?
No. She ate it.
- I didn't.
- You did, Mother.
You just don't remember.
OK. Let's just stop for a minute.
Can I ask your mother a question?
Do you know what day it is today,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- No, she doesn't.
OK. I'm not asking Just, let's
- Let her answer.
- Tuesday.
Good, OK. Now,
was that just a lucky guess?
- Yes.
- OK.
She thinks every day is Tuesday.
Do you make many conference calls,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- Mm-hm.
Alright.
Calling lots of people?
Pope Francis.
Is he a good friend?
- Mmm.
- Yes.
Let's have a look, Roz.
Come on in.
Let me show you around.
Need a will?
You've come to the right place.
Here at Gruber & Associates
we specialise in wills and probate.
And this, right here,
is our 'state of the
heart' meeting room.
And, yes, you heard me right.
I said "state of the heart"
Jesus Roz, I've got motion sickness.
Well, I had to film it myself.
Yeah. I'm glad you're keeping busy.
But the problem is you can't
be the face of the company.
- Fine, then you do it.
- I can't do it either.
Our whole angle is the mature lady.
It has to be a woman.
Ask Fisk to do it.
Helen can not be the face.
Why not? She's a woman,
she's got a face.
Raymond, she always looks unhappy.
She never smiles.
No, I think it's just that thing,
what's it called?
Angry lady face.
- You mean bitchy resting face.
- Exactly.
Yeah. What you're doing now.
Your hair looks beautiful in this,
by the way.
It does.
That's your invoice.
Invoice. Yes.
Put it in the post.
We enjoy getting post.
No.
Ray said they can't leave
without paying the bill.
They're not all
Where's the other one gone?
No. No. No. No. No.
Mrs Popovitch,
I'm going to take that from you.
Just make her take it.
Come on. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
That doesn't go
No. Don't take the elephant.
George, she needs to
She needs to pay that
before she leaves.
No.
- No!
- Actually
Don't take the furniture.
OK?
No. No. No.
- Really?
- I like these.
- Do you?
- Finders keepers.
Do you want to give me a hand?
Or are you protecting the pamphlets?
Yeah. I had to protect this area.
You couldn't protect me from the
Darrell Lea ladies?
Whoa
I really don't want
to be on camera, Roz.
Oh, well, I don't want you
to be on camera either.
But, by the time I jazz it up
with some music and graphics
we'll hardly notice you.
So Here, try and have a read.
Try selling it to me.
Here we go. And
Action.
At Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Whether you need to make a will
- or you've lost a loved one
- Alright. Let me stop you.
What is, I mean, you look
angry or is it annoyed?
Roz, it's just It's just my face.
It's just my face.
Try smiling.
Add some teeth.
Take the teeth away.
No, now you just look constipated.
Well, I eat a lot of cheese, Roz.
So
That's what happens.
[PHONE RINGS]
May? Graham?
Hang on, shh, shh. I can't
Graham, tell May to shush,
I can't hear you. What are you saying?
When?
No. How long ago?
Jesus Christ. OK.
Graham, are you crying?
OK. Just calm down. Take a breath.
Yeah. I'm leaving the office now.
Alright? Just
Hang on. I'll call you back.
My portrait can stay up.
It doesn't say I'm partner.
Ray
Can I go, please? I have to
Oh, hi, Roz.
How is your afternoon going?
How's the weather outside?
Are you drinking tea?
Is that Earl Grey tea?
Have you tried French Earl Grey tea?
I believe it's a little more
subtle and therefore delicious
- Fisk.
- Yeah.
Are you having a stroke? No.
- Do you know, many European
- George.
- I think she's stroking out.
- No, I'm not. I'm chatting.
You're really not. What's the problem?
Can I please leave early?
I have a family emergency.
- Yes. Go. Please.
- Thank you. Thank you.
Do you have any plans
for this evening, Roz?
- Go.
- Yep.
To the left.
Drop it.
May, it's me. What's happening?
I couldn't understand a word
Graham said.
I'm so sorry, Helen.
He said he was only going
to be half an hour.
Oh, my God, have you got me on speaker?
One of you speak at a time,
I can't
- May, you talk.
- He said he was only
going to be in town
for a couple of days
and he wanted to take Artie for a walk.
- It was William.
- She knows it was William.
He was wearing a checked shirt.
No. I would have said plaid.
- He looked very handsome.
I don't care what he was wearing.
Just, what time was it?
When did he take him?
- Oh, about three hours ago.
- Four hours ago.
OK. It's fine. It's fine.
I know where he's going to be.
No. I think it was more like three,
Helen.
Helen?
Oh, I think she's dropped out.
You'll have to call her back.
Here we go.
Now, Akiko, your poetry,
has been made into a film,
can you speak to that experience?
The film was a dialogue,
between a mother, and her unborn child.
WOMAN: Helen, Helen.
- Helen.
- My poems,
- were used as
- Helen.
the thoughts of the foetus.
Helen.
What a beautiful idea.
Go on.
- Helen.
- Sorry, I
- Helen.
- Yes?
- We got in for free.
- Did you? Good.
No, I lost my train of thought.
Take a moment,
while I turn to William.
William, your book
has won a lot of awards.
Was it 14 in total?
It was actually 15, Lindy,
if you include the FUBA,
the Favourite Ukrainian Book Award.
[AFFECTS ACCENT] Apparently
I'm very popular in the Ukraine.
[LAUGHTER]
[MOCK LAUGHS]
I think we've just found
the promo for our podcast.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry, Madam, we'll
do questions at the end.
William, could you talk
about the, uh, the process?
Madam, could you please
put your hand down?
Where's my dog?
Quite the existential question.
But as I am
this session's interlocutor,
- what I would like to know is
- William.
Where's my dog?
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Shh.
- You shoosh.
Valerie, have we called security?
He's my dog. Where is he?
- I want him back.
- It's still Tuesday, Helen.
I know. Well done,
Mrs Popovitch, it is Tuesday.
- Madam.
- Yeah. Alright.
Valerie, is it?
HOST: I might take this
- opportunity to,
- I want my dog back.
continue the conversation.
Yeah. Alright. Well, you go first.
Perhaps to help us reset,
I might ask Akiko if you would
improvise
one of your famous haikus for us?
He's a dog thief.
Why don't you put that in your podcast?
Arsehole.
Not you, Lindy.
Not you, Akiko.
Just you.
I'm going, Valerie. God.
- Ready.
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Shoosh.
Oh, shoosh off.
Oh, we are in for a real treat,
everyone.
Disruption
Thunder-faced woman
Shouting, crazy,
"Where's my dog?"
Lady, please.
Get out.
- Fine.
- [APPLAUSE]
So accurate.
Artie. Artie.
It's my dog.
Did you want the milk?
- No. Thanks.
- No.
Would you like some honey, sweetie?
No. I'm fine.
Oh, I'm so sorry about Artie, Helen.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
He had a good life.
He's not dead, Graham.
- GEORGE: Hey, Helen.
- Hey, webmaster.
Roz asked me to film that video
with you today.
Yeah. Fine. Whatever.
Just come and get me when you're ready.
[ON VIDEO] Losing a loved
one, is always difficult.
They can be stolen away without warning.
And when that happens
it can be hard to find the energy
to do anything but be sad.
And that's where Gruber
& Associates can help.
We take care of business,
so you can take time to grieve.
Now, imagine when I
put some music on that.
Something in a minor key.
Play it again, George.
- Hello, I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk.
- [HUMS IN THE BACKGROUND]
And here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Is it going to be music
or annoying humming?
And what about the cat?
I thought you said there
was going to be a cat.
Hey, Helen, Popovitch alert.
Popovitch alert. Come quickly.
I can't leave the station.
Oh, my favourite.
- Finders keepers.
- Oh, Mrs Popovitch.
I'm going to take that. Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Helen.
- It's Wednesday.
- I know.
I found something for you.
OK.
She's got a strong grip.
Are we taking the cactus?
- Yes.
- OK. We're taking the cactus.
What? [GASPS]
It's Artie.
- Oh, oh, oh
- And a lovely stool.
I found them at the festival.
Oooh. Hey, Artie.
- Finders keepers.
- Finders keepers.
Finders keepers.
Hello.
How are you?
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
Hello. I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk.
And here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Losing a loved one is always difficult.
They can be stolen away without warning.
And when that happens,
it can be hard to find the
energy to do anything but be sad.
And that's where Gruber
& Associates can help.
[UPLIFTING PIANO MUSIC]
We take care of business,
so you can take time to grieve.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]
Miaow.
[CROCKERY CLANKS]
[CLANKING CONTINUES]
[ARTIE WHIMPERS]
- [BLENDER WHIRRS]
- May, I'm doing juice.
Do you want juice?
- What?
- Juice? Do you want juice?
No. And don't use the
juicer, you'll wake Helen.
What?!
[BENDER WHIRRS LOUDLY]
Morning, Helen.
How was your weekend?
Yeah. Good, thanks.
- What did you get up to?
- Um
Made some pretty good soup.
- That's nice.
- Yeah.
- Brought the leftovers for lunch.
- Good for you.
Is that all?
I don't know, do you have
any questions for me about my weekend?
No. I don't think so.
Alright, then.
What was that about?
Maybe she wanted some of your soup.
Maybe. It's pretty good soup.
RAYMOND: Hey, Fisk, you busy?
Ooh, I feel like
that's a trick question.
If I say no,
you'll wonder why I'm not busy.
If I say yes, you'll think I'm rude,
'cause I'm kind of saying,
"Get out of my office,"
- "I'm busy."
- You finished?
- Yep.
- There's a Popovitch
coming in at 11:00.
I want you to take it.
- A whatavitch?
- Popovitch.
Might want to hide your purse.
Purse?
I'm not an old woman.
Who says 'purse'?
Raymond, I need you to hide my purse.
There's a Popovitch coming in.
GEORGE: Don't really
know about the social
- One of each
- Yeah.
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey.
Don't look now
but I think there's a clown
in reception.
Is it someone's birthday?
I said don't look now.
That's Eileen Popovitch.
She's your 11 o'clock.
Is she circus folk?
Fun.
Hi.
Alright. Miss Popovitch,
So, I do understand
Unfortunate
ly.
I
Sorry, I think you accidentally
dropped the spoon into your
- Purse.
- Pardon?
Never mind.
What I was saying, the problem is
I can't grant you power of attorney
without your mother being present.
- But she's demented.
- Right.
And is that
why you want this authority?
So that you can make decisions
about her health and wellbeing?
No, no. I need to make the decisions
about money.
She can't be trusted.
- She's demented.
- OK. Well,
whether your mother is
demented or has dementia,
which I believe
is the preferred way of saying it,
I can't do anything
We
I'm sorry. We need to
That's my
That's my diary. So
Did you want to make
another appointment?
Yes. Let's make another appointment.
- Yeah.
- And then you can give me
power of attorney.
We'll get your mother in
and you can just help yourself
to some
Free stationery items
to go with your free teaspoon.
- Hey.
- Hello, Helen.
Hello, Roz.
- How's your morning been?
- Good, thanks.
Sorry, did you want
to use the microwave?
No, no. I'm just saying hello,
having a friendly chat.
There's nothing wrong with that,
is there?
No.
Sorry. I just thought we'd already
had our chat this morning,
remember in reception
about the soup and the
Weekend and stuff.
There's no statute of limitations
on friendly chitchat, Helen.
Put a cover on that
before you put it in the microwave.
Will do.
Good morning, fine sir.
I am looking
for one Ms Helen Tudor-Fisk.
Nice office.
I'm just going to uh
Pop a few of these down.
I'm doing a festival nearby.
You might want to come.
Yeah. Have one for yourself.
Tell your friends, um
'Cause we need ticket sales to go up
as well a little bit.
Hey, there's a guy called William
in reception to see you.
He says he knows you.
Oh, not William Ford?
- He just said William.
- Handsome black guy?
- I don't know.
- You don't know if he's black
- or you don't know if he's handsome?
- Both.
I don't see colour, or handsome.
Do you see age?
How old do you reckon he was?
Pretty old. I reckon maybe, like,
- 40?
- Wow. That's so old.
- Did he seem up himself?
- Yes. Definitely.
He called me "fine sir".
[UNDER HER BREATH] Shit.
Fisk, I just met your
ex-husband in reception.
He's quite the good-looking rooster.
Mmm
Helen.
Nah. Nah.
Come on. Out of here.
OK.
A little Friendly hug?
Why are you here? What do you want?
Oh, God. That's my boss. Get over here.
It's lovely to see you, too, Helen.
I'm actually here
for the literary festival.
I have some complimentary passes.
Oh, please. As if. No.
Quickly, what do you need?
I was going through a few things,
and I found this,
I ordered it for your
birthday last year,
- but, well, you know
- Then you left me,
for an older woman. I remember.
To be fair, Hels,
you're an older woman.
Oh, h I'm not 63.
God, you two are like Harold and Maude.
Oh, that's showing your age.
Oh, here it is.
Oh OK. Well, now I feel bad.
- That is really nice.
- It is, isn't it?
Hey, can we get a coffee?
There's a few things,
- I need to talk to you about.
- No. I can't.
Hels, please, can we get a coffee?
- I just want to get a coffee.
- I can't. I'm banned.
Oh, of course you are.
Did you suggest there should be a limit
of three takeaways per customer?
No. But that should
absolutely be the rule
especially during busy periods.
Ooh, I know, did you suggest
to the barista that it's easier
- to froth and talk at the same time?
- No, but again,
that's not an unreasonable suggestion.
You know I'm not saying
you can't chat to customers,
but just keep the line moving,
talk and froth, people,
- talk and froth.
- Oh, I know.
- Did you tell him that his
- Hey. Hey.
Could you just get us some takeaways?
- Yeah. OK.
- Thank you.
Oh, hey, I don't
I don't have my wallet.
There you go. Use my money.
It's your favourite.
- I'll pay you back.
- Ooh, I bet.
I think it would be a
terrific way to cut through.
People love videos on the internet.
Yeah, I'm not sure people
love probate law videos.
Maybe if we did a cat video or?
Ray, I was just saying
I think Gruber & Gruber should do
- a promotional video.
- Maybe with a cat in it?
Won't be doing anything
for Gruber & Gruber.
Just found out we can't
trade under that name,
while you're suspended.
Can you get on to that, George?
Knock one of those Grubers off
for me, mate?
- Oh, no.
- You'll need a ladder.
And you might want to start
with the second one.
Other it would be "& Gruber",
which would look ridiculous.
Yeah. I know.
I know. I know. It's our dream.
I-I want shared custody of Arthur.
OK. It's 'Artie'.
And how would that work?
- You live in Sydney.
- Well, six months on,
- six months off.
- [CHUCKLES]
Oh, my God, you're serious?
You just took him.
We never discussed it.
Yeah. He's my dog.
You can't be content
with just taking the house,
and my self esteem?
You don't get it. I'm an artist,
- he's my muse.
- Well, he's a pretty shit muse.
You haven't written anything
for 10 years.
Hurtful.
Alright,
there hasn't been another novel, but,
I've been doing a lot of poetry,
there's been some journaling,
I'm doing a lot of talks
at the library.
- Wow. All inspired by my dog?
- Our dog.
I bought him, remember?
For me. You bought him for me.
With my money.
Have you still got my wallet?
Oh
Sorry, I forgot.
Can I get the receipt for
I can claim it. It's a business
Gentle. Gentle.
Is that a butterknife?
[CLANG!]
- Hello, Helen.
- Oh, hello, Roz.
How's the weather out there?
It's very good, thanks.
And how is the weather with you?
What does that mean?
Have you chipped that?
Only exterior.
Yeah, but why do I have to do chitchat,
every time I pass her in the office?
- It's a tiny office.
- MAY: It's polite.
- It's what people do, Helen.
- Well, sorry, mate,
I don't have that much chitchat.
- Yeah. Course you do.
- Nah.
You could ask,
how'd you sleep last night?
- Or, what's on for the weekend or
- Bored.
Have you got any suggestions, Graham?
Did you know,
that many European countries
enjoy their main meal of the day
at lunchtime?
No. No. That's not chitchat.
That's a fun fact.
I think that's more just a fact, May.
You see it's got to be casual,
like, "Ooh, um"
"I notice you're drinking Earl Grey tea,
how delicious."
"But, have you tried French Earl Grey?"
"'Cause it's a little more subtle."
- See?
- OK. Let me try again.
Did you know that wombat poo
- is square?
- No. Stop.
See, you can't start with
"did you know",
because that's not chit
Is their poo really square?
Guys, I'm actually quite tired.
Do you mind if I go to bed?
Oh, yeah, of course.
Actually,
you do look very tired, sweetie.
You should go to bed.
It's just, you're on my bed
'cause I'm sleeping on your sofa.
Which is very kind of you.
But it means you have to
Get out of my room,
and I'm sending you to bed.
Ah, go to bed.
- Be like toddlers.
- Go on.
Ready? Go.
Good boy.
Come on in. Let me show you around.
Here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Whether you're looking for a will
or a Helen
Helen?
Morning Roz.
- Did you sleep well?
- Get out of my shot.
Keep moving. I'm working.
Keep walking. Go. Go. Go. Out.
I slept very well, thank you.
Morning, George. Always good to chat.
Start again.
Here.
Don't look at yourself, Roz,
look at the barrel, down the barrel.
Is that there or there?
I think it's there.
Alright, I've just got
a couple of teas for you there.
If you need a spoon, there's probably,
one in your bag from last time.
And I might just take that back
to reception, I think, Mrs Popovitch.
No, no. Finders keepers.
Yep. Yep.
Well, I find it, I'm keeping it.
OK. Hide that.
What are these?
Who put these here?
The old guy, the "fine sir" guy,
- asked if he could put them there.
- Oh, no way.
That's not happening.
- [WHISPERS] Helen.
- Yeah.
Can you frisk Mrs Popovitch?
I think she's got the lucky
waving cat in her pocket.
No. I'm not going to cavity search
an old woman.
Cavity search?
It's not in her prison pocket.
Alright.
OK
Finders keepers.
Sure. Knock yourself out.
You can have all those.
Now, Mrs Popovitch,
have you agreed to grant your daughter
power of attorney?
- Yes. She has.
- No. I haven't.
OK. Now, she's just said she hasn't.
She doesn't understand.
- Let me tell her.
- OK.
I'm getting power of attorney today,
Mother, remember?
We agreed.
OK.
Do you understand what
power of attorney means,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- Yes. I do.
She wants my money
because she's addicted to the eBay.
Do you know what eBay is?
It's the devil's department store.
Don't say that about eBay.
I'll let
Oh, no. No.
No. No. No. No.
Can't have that. That's my phone.
I like the dog.
Well,
you know what? You can have the dog.
I don't care about that bit.
There you go.
Finders keepers.
- Is that your dog?
- Yeah. That's my dog.
Best dog in the world. That's Artie.
I used to have a dog.
- Aww
- No
She didn't. OK.
Eileen, do you have
a medical certificate,
- that says your mother has dementia?
- Yes.
OK. Well, can I see that?
No. She ate it.
- I didn't.
- You did, Mother.
You just don't remember.
OK. Let's just stop for a minute.
Can I ask your mother a question?
Do you know what day it is today,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- No, she doesn't.
OK. I'm not asking Just, let's
- Let her answer.
- Tuesday.
Good, OK. Now,
was that just a lucky guess?
- Yes.
- OK.
She thinks every day is Tuesday.
Do you make many conference calls,
- Mrs Popovitch?
- Mm-hm.
Alright.
Calling lots of people?
Pope Francis.
Is he a good friend?
- Mmm.
- Yes.
Let's have a look, Roz.
Come on in.
Let me show you around.
Need a will?
You've come to the right place.
Here at Gruber & Associates
we specialise in wills and probate.
And this, right here,
is our 'state of the
heart' meeting room.
And, yes, you heard me right.
I said "state of the heart"
Jesus Roz, I've got motion sickness.
Well, I had to film it myself.
Yeah. I'm glad you're keeping busy.
But the problem is you can't
be the face of the company.
- Fine, then you do it.
- I can't do it either.
Our whole angle is the mature lady.
It has to be a woman.
Ask Fisk to do it.
Helen can not be the face.
Why not? She's a woman,
she's got a face.
Raymond, she always looks unhappy.
She never smiles.
No, I think it's just that thing,
what's it called?
Angry lady face.
- You mean bitchy resting face.
- Exactly.
Yeah. What you're doing now.
Your hair looks beautiful in this,
by the way.
It does.
That's your invoice.
Invoice. Yes.
Put it in the post.
We enjoy getting post.
No.
Ray said they can't leave
without paying the bill.
They're not all
Where's the other one gone?
No. No. No. No. No.
Mrs Popovitch,
I'm going to take that from you.
Just make her take it.
Come on. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
That doesn't go
No. Don't take the elephant.
George, she needs to
She needs to pay that
before she leaves.
No.
- No!
- Actually
Don't take the furniture.
OK?
No. No. No.
- Really?
- I like these.
- Do you?
- Finders keepers.
Do you want to give me a hand?
Or are you protecting the pamphlets?
Yeah. I had to protect this area.
You couldn't protect me from the
Darrell Lea ladies?
Whoa
I really don't want
to be on camera, Roz.
Oh, well, I don't want you
to be on camera either.
But, by the time I jazz it up
with some music and graphics
we'll hardly notice you.
So Here, try and have a read.
Try selling it to me.
Here we go. And
Action.
At Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Whether you need to make a will
- or you've lost a loved one
- Alright. Let me stop you.
What is, I mean, you look
angry or is it annoyed?
Roz, it's just It's just my face.
It's just my face.
Try smiling.
Add some teeth.
Take the teeth away.
No, now you just look constipated.
Well, I eat a lot of cheese, Roz.
So
That's what happens.
[PHONE RINGS]
May? Graham?
Hang on, shh, shh. I can't
Graham, tell May to shush,
I can't hear you. What are you saying?
When?
No. How long ago?
Jesus Christ. OK.
Graham, are you crying?
OK. Just calm down. Take a breath.
Yeah. I'm leaving the office now.
Alright? Just
Hang on. I'll call you back.
My portrait can stay up.
It doesn't say I'm partner.
Ray
Can I go, please? I have to
Oh, hi, Roz.
How is your afternoon going?
How's the weather outside?
Are you drinking tea?
Is that Earl Grey tea?
Have you tried French Earl Grey tea?
I believe it's a little more
subtle and therefore delicious
- Fisk.
- Yeah.
Are you having a stroke? No.
- Do you know, many European
- George.
- I think she's stroking out.
- No, I'm not. I'm chatting.
You're really not. What's the problem?
Can I please leave early?
I have a family emergency.
- Yes. Go. Please.
- Thank you. Thank you.
Do you have any plans
for this evening, Roz?
- Go.
- Yep.
To the left.
Drop it.
May, it's me. What's happening?
I couldn't understand a word
Graham said.
I'm so sorry, Helen.
He said he was only going
to be half an hour.
Oh, my God, have you got me on speaker?
One of you speak at a time,
I can't
- May, you talk.
- He said he was only
going to be in town
for a couple of days
and he wanted to take Artie for a walk.
- It was William.
- She knows it was William.
He was wearing a checked shirt.
No. I would have said plaid.
- He looked very handsome.
I don't care what he was wearing.
Just, what time was it?
When did he take him?
- Oh, about three hours ago.
- Four hours ago.
OK. It's fine. It's fine.
I know where he's going to be.
No. I think it was more like three,
Helen.
Helen?
Oh, I think she's dropped out.
You'll have to call her back.
Here we go.
Now, Akiko, your poetry,
has been made into a film,
can you speak to that experience?
The film was a dialogue,
between a mother, and her unborn child.
WOMAN: Helen, Helen.
- Helen.
- My poems,
- were used as
- Helen.
the thoughts of the foetus.
Helen.
What a beautiful idea.
Go on.
- Helen.
- Sorry, I
- Helen.
- Yes?
- We got in for free.
- Did you? Good.
No, I lost my train of thought.
Take a moment,
while I turn to William.
William, your book
has won a lot of awards.
Was it 14 in total?
It was actually 15, Lindy,
if you include the FUBA,
the Favourite Ukrainian Book Award.
[AFFECTS ACCENT] Apparently
I'm very popular in the Ukraine.
[LAUGHTER]
[MOCK LAUGHS]
I think we've just found
the promo for our podcast.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry, Madam, we'll
do questions at the end.
William, could you talk
about the, uh, the process?
Madam, could you please
put your hand down?
Where's my dog?
Quite the existential question.
But as I am
this session's interlocutor,
- what I would like to know is
- William.
Where's my dog?
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Shh.
- You shoosh.
Valerie, have we called security?
He's my dog. Where is he?
- I want him back.
- It's still Tuesday, Helen.
I know. Well done,
Mrs Popovitch, it is Tuesday.
- Madam.
- Yeah. Alright.
Valerie, is it?
HOST: I might take this
- opportunity to,
- I want my dog back.
continue the conversation.
Yeah. Alright. Well, you go first.
Perhaps to help us reset,
I might ask Akiko if you would
improvise
one of your famous haikus for us?
He's a dog thief.
Why don't you put that in your podcast?
Arsehole.
Not you, Lindy.
Not you, Akiko.
Just you.
I'm going, Valerie. God.
- Ready.
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Shoosh.
Oh, shoosh off.
Oh, we are in for a real treat,
everyone.
Disruption
Thunder-faced woman
Shouting, crazy,
"Where's my dog?"
Lady, please.
Get out.
- Fine.
- [APPLAUSE]
So accurate.
Artie. Artie.
It's my dog.
Did you want the milk?
- No. Thanks.
- No.
Would you like some honey, sweetie?
No. I'm fine.
Oh, I'm so sorry about Artie, Helen.
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
He had a good life.
He's not dead, Graham.
- GEORGE: Hey, Helen.
- Hey, webmaster.
Roz asked me to film that video
with you today.
Yeah. Fine. Whatever.
Just come and get me when you're ready.
[ON VIDEO] Losing a loved
one, is always difficult.
They can be stolen away without warning.
And when that happens
it can be hard to find the energy
to do anything but be sad.
And that's where Gruber
& Associates can help.
We take care of business,
so you can take time to grieve.
Now, imagine when I
put some music on that.
Something in a minor key.
Play it again, George.
- Hello, I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk.
- [HUMS IN THE BACKGROUND]
And here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Is it going to be music
or annoying humming?
And what about the cat?
I thought you said there
was going to be a cat.
Hey, Helen, Popovitch alert.
Popovitch alert. Come quickly.
I can't leave the station.
Oh, my favourite.
- Finders keepers.
- Oh, Mrs Popovitch.
I'm going to take that. Thank you.
- Hello.
- Hello, Helen.
- It's Wednesday.
- I know.
I found something for you.
OK.
She's got a strong grip.
Are we taking the cactus?
- Yes.
- OK. We're taking the cactus.
What? [GASPS]
It's Artie.
- Oh, oh, oh
- And a lovely stool.
I found them at the festival.
Oooh. Hey, Artie.
- Finders keepers.
- Finders keepers.
Finders keepers.
Hello.
How are you?
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
Hello. I'm Helen Tudor-Fisk.
And here at Gruber & Associates,
we specialise in wills and probate.
Losing a loved one is always difficult.
They can be stolen away without warning.
And when that happens,
it can be hard to find the
energy to do anything but be sad.
And that's where Gruber
& Associates can help.
[UPLIFTING PIANO MUSIC]
We take care of business,
so you can take time to grieve.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]
Miaow.