Five Bedrooms (2019) s01e03 Episode Script

- I had hoped this conversation
would've played out
with us in opposite roles.
I'm leaving.
- You know, this one won't last,
you don't like people, Heather.
Hey!
- Oh shit.
- Are you leaving
me for that bloke?
- For Christ's sake, Cole,
he's 15 years younger than me.
- He's jumping fences for you.
- Might I be able
to introduce to you
Kevin Daniel Richard Fitzsong,
otherwise known as Simmo.
We gotta lift you up
[crowd cheering]
- I think you might have your
eye on someone else, any?
- No.
[dogs barking]
[pots clanging]
- [Heather] Are you sleeping,
because I don't know how
anyone can sleep in here.
Someone's going to the toilet
every hour on the hour.
And if they're not
going to toilet,
it's the shower.
- [Ben] I knew it
was gonna change me
moving into this place and I was counting on it.
[bright music]
A couple of months in,
we were all rubbing
off on each other.
Everyone bringing something different to the table.
I was covering the
painting and look,
I've done work like this before,
but on a place of your own,
it's a whole
different experience.
- You all right?
It is better than sea mist.
- Duck and go away, mate.
Plus keeping Simmo in the house.
Well, that kicked me
into my unofficial
house role, matchmaker.
- Ainsley Peregrine Finnigan,
actually, perfect timing.
I was just gonna
head down to the bar
if you want to keep
old Simmo company.
- Actually mate, I'm
off to the turfs today.
- True?
- Ah, that's a shame.
- [Ben] Even visitors just
being around the house
seemed to make everyone
better, more grown-up.
You feeling all right in
the guts or something?
- Yeah, just doing a cleanse.
- Good on you, mate.
I didn't want to
sound like a wanker,
but life was finally
back on track.
And with my living
situation so good.
I was just about ready to
tackle the other stuff.
[belching]
Finally.
- I can't live with him
and neither can Harry.
- Really?
- Well
Look, for me,
and this is by no
means my main concern,
but I do have to bring
up his lack of pants.
- Ben's not wearing pants,
he's doing nudie runs.
- He's doing nudie strolls,
leisurely, nudie strolls.
- Well, I mean,
sometimes he has a towel,
just not fastened
properly or at all.
- He's not parading per se,
it's more nudity in transit.
- Yeah, just to clarify,
we talking like
full-frontal tackle out?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Any pattern to it, any in
a particular days or times?
- Every day.
- All the time.
- And for me, it's the painting.
I mean, he swore he'd have
it finished by Tuesday,
a fortnight ago.
And you know, we didn't
even ask him to do it.
And do you know about
the skin checks?
- What skin checks?
- He's sending his
mates to see me at work.
I'm a surgeon, I
don't do skin checks,
but sometimes I'm
finishing a shift
and finding half his football
mates wanting moles examined.
- We need an
intervention immediately.
- Maybe we can, you
know, drop a few hints.
- No, I'm thinking
a full ultimatum.
Lift your game or you're out.
- I just don't want
him to feel ambushed.
- You don't even
have to be there.
- Let me handle it.
When I get my voice,
more men change
on a molecular level.
You three go to work.
[energetic music]
By the time you
get back tonight,
Ben will be a different
person, trust me.
[soft music]
- Sweet, one of them for me?
- No both mine, here you go.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Ben, We need to have a chat.
- Everything all right?
- You're rubbing people
up the wrong way.
- What?
Who?
- Everyone.
- Well, even Harry?
- Well not as much as Liz,
but the two of them are
driving the charge here.
You've been sending your
mates to Harry's hospital
for free skin checks.
- Oh, he asked me to.
- Break that down for me.
- Harry was under me and
Simmo about sun smarts.
Which is fair enough.
He'd asked us when
we last had checks,
which was never, and
yeah, he said come in.
- And did you extend
that invitation?
- I did tell Buckets, yeah, 'cause he's red as a rooster
most of us and Dez,
and Scotty, shit.
- Skin checks is not
even what Harry does.
Harry is the big shot who cuts the cancers out.
The free skin check offer, that was just a favor for you.
- Really?
Shit.
You might want to look awayI'm just, I'm not wearing much.
- Seriously?
- Look, what you've
done is you've just
- Sorry, you're
sitting on my towel.
Cheers.
What were you saying?
- You put Harry in a situation
where he's finishing his
workday with a front-row seat
to half the asses
on your footie
- Honestly, I thought I
was doing him a favor.
Drumming up some business.
I'll tell them to lay off, what else was there?
- Sorry, I've just
gone a bit blank.
- [Ben] You all right?
- Yup, terrific.
- Well listen, thanks for telling me face to face.
Might just need a
little bit of that too.
- If you could just
avoid touching it,
it should clear up
of its own accord.
- It just really looked
like it was getting bigger.
- Well, pimples tend to do that,
but it's nothing to worry about.
- Cheers Doc, thanks.
- I'm so sorry, Cynthia,
I can assure you
what have been happening.
That will absolutely
be the last of them.
- Actually there's one
- Heather told me I might've
been a bit of a dickhead.
- Look, really, I
should have been
clearer about the process.
- No no, see, don't
you apologize.
I'm the one who sent you a
dozen asses to check out.
You're just too much of a giver.
We've all noticed it.
You got to learn to say,
"Look, I'd love to help you,
but I can't, it's me time,
"it's Hauser time."
- I'm extremely unlikely
to use that phrase.
- In your own words,
but just promise me
you'll say it, all right?
- Deal.
- Now I do have this
one spot on my arm.
[Harry laughs loudly]
I actually do.
- Okay, and when did
you first notice this?
Was it days, weeks?
- Last year before Christmas?
At first, I thought I'd just
been bitten by something,
but it kept changing.
- Okay, Ben, this
does look abnormal.
- Abnormal, what like cancer?
- We can't be sure of anything
until I see the
biopsy results, okay?
[soft instrumental music]
Hi Janine, I'm gonna need
you to run something down
to pathology for me shortly.
- Ben, Ben?
- Not here.
- How did Heather go, success?
- Well, not in any
way that's apparent
to the naked eye, no.
- Okay, well, we'll do the
group intervention then tonight.
What?
Why are you so
worried about him?
- I'm not.
- Well, you realize
that he would not show
this level of
consideration towards you.
- Well, actually I'm
not sure that's true.
I think he's quite
considerate in his own
[laughing] misguided
sort of way.
- Oh my God.
- What?
- You're having one of
your episodes, aren't you?
The heavy Ben.
- No.
- Jesus Christ.
- No, no.
Please don't say
anything to Heather.
- So you admit it.
- I do not, I am
simply asking you
to keep your
terribly misconstrued
assumptions to yourself.
- There's no shame in it, Aines.
He's a very attractive unit.
Lizzie knows where
you're coming from.
- I can assure you I'm not.
And you know what,
you're absolutely right.
We should confront him
tonight, group intervention.
Enough's enough.
- I'm drawing up an agenda.
- And in your case,
the tumor area
is already over two millimeters,
which places the cancer
definitely in stage two.
And when we get into
surgery, I'll be able to see
if it's gone further
to stage three.
- Surgery?
- As soon as possible,
I'm hoping tomorrow.
- It's not
life-threatening though?
- We'll know more after surgery,
but you don't have
any other symptoms.
- So what am I
I have to do like chemo or?
- Again, once we've
removed the tumor,
once we've done the mapping,
we'll be able to
determine that, okay?
- Okay.
- [Harry] I know it's
a lot to take in.
- Yeah.
- And what about your next
of kin, is that your mother?
- Yes, I suppose, no,
actually it'd probably
be my daughter, right?
- I wasn't aware that
you had a daughter.
- I haven't seen her
for just over two years,
she's 11 actually 12, fuck, Mia.
- Okay.
- I shared her half
the time with her mom.
But not since I went to jail.
- Right.
- Sorry, I was working
up to telling you like,
mate, I was barely in there.
I got done for pot and
it wasn't even mine
but it was kind of the last
straw for my ex, Rebecca.
- So you've had no contact
with her at all then.
- No Becs, thought
it was easier,
for everyone while I was
inside, which is fair enough.
[tense chuckling]
I've been working towards
getting in touch with her,
you know, but I wanted to get
myself properly set up first.
Get the hassle, you
know, then actually go.
Do you think I
should call 'em now?
- Oh look, that's up to you.
I probably would.
- Yeah, yeah, no,
I'll go and see her.
- Yeah.
[tense music]
[Ben laughs loudly]
- It's funny just seeing you
at work with all the bells
and whistles, you actually
look like a real doctor.
- I am a real doctor, Ben.
[both chuckling]
- [Rebecca] Where?
- Just up the street a
bit, look to your right.
- Sorry, but it's not fair
on us, especially Mia.
- Yeah, I know.
- If you do want
to see her again
and that is something
we can work towards.
But just turning
up out of the blue,
that's not what we agreed on.
- Becky, I'm not
asking for anything.
I mean, of course,
I want to see her,
but that's not why I'm here.
I just wanted to
let you know that
I've got to have an
operation tomorrow.
- Well, what kind of operation?
- Well, it's for cancer.
It's skin cancer on
my arm and hopefully,
it hasn't spread and
he's gonna cut it out
and see where we're at.
- What, how long have you known?
- I just found out.
- This is emergency surgery.
- I just think they like to
get on top of this stuff quick.
- Wait, is there anything
I can do to help?
Do you need anything?
- No, no, the doctor just said
I should tell next of kin.
- So you want me to tell Mia?
- Well, Becca, I've got no
expectations, especially,
you know, after everything
I've put you both through.
It's just real annoying that
I'm seeing you like this,
because actually, I've been
going through a good patch.
I'm in a new place,
it's really nice.
- Is it?
- Yeah, yeah, actually, I
reckon you'd really like it.
I'm working towards getting
you around to see it.
Maybe like a month or something.
- [Mia] Mom, Brett is leaving.
- She showed up?
- I'm sorry, I have to go
pay for the violin teacher.
- Go, go, go.
- Where is that, the operation?
- The Edwin.
- All right, I'm just gonna
have to see how it goes
with telling Mia.
- Whatever you reckon,
go, I'll text you.
[soft music]
- [Heather] There were
extenuating circumstances.
His business was
right up in my face.
- [Heather] I'm
sorry but a penis
is not an extenuating
circumstance.
- [Heather] I beg to differ.
- Honestly, I think
you really, perfect.
Okay, as you can see,
Heather's intervention
has failed on every level.
- Not on the Harry
level, I nailed that one.
- Every aspect bar one.
The Ben situation
has degenerated,
so we are going to confront him.
The four of us
right here tonight.
- Wait, if I could
suggest an alternative.
- What?
- I just don't think
tonight's a good time.
- Harry, we were united on this.
- I know, I'm just
concerned that
Four on one's a bit much.
- Have you been
speaking with her?
- No, it's--
- Shh, shh, shh.
- Okay, don't worry,
I'm just gonna do it.
- Hey, well Liz.
- Ben, there has been some
discord about the framing
of what I'm about to say.
I personally think that you
are strong enough to hear it.
- I wanted to flag
something with the house.
At my work, we have the
system for coworker feedback
where every few months we fill
out an anonymous feedback.
- For the love of God.
- What we do is we
write down some concerns
that we might be having
with a colleague,
deliver them confidentially.
And I just thought it
might be a good idea
to consider for the house.
Now that we're a
couple of months in.
- Or we could do
it down the track.
- Oh no, I'm, I'm
thinking tonight.
No time like the present.
I'll get some pens and paper.
- I've got nothing
to say about anyone.
[soft music]
[knocking on door]
Yep.
- Hi, how did you go?
Did you see your daughter?
- Yeah, well not, not close up,
but she looks like
she's growing heaps.
- Will she be coming tomorrow?
- Well that's a bit of a juggle,
I think probably better
that she doesn't.
I really don't want her to
see me like that, anyway
- Look, Ben, just about
telling the others,
it'll be very obvious
you've had an operation.
- Alum left a special
feedback box in the kitchen.
So just pop your
thoughts in there
and we'll share
them tomorrow night.
I think it's gonna
be very constructive.
- You sure you don't
want me to say something?
- It's all right, I'll
tell them in my own way.
It'd be pretty
innings, wouldn't it?
The few decades have been
a rat bag and then
- Hey, many more
decades of rat bagging.
[Ben laughing]
- Excuse me.
[soft music]
- [Ben] I don't know what it
was, just seeing Mia again,
or the house, or the cancer,
Yeah that's my love
but turns out I had
a fair bit to say.
There they go
Does she know
Dear Aines, love our
chats, but truth be told,
I tend to dance
around the deep stuff.
Right now I'm
feeling very present
and I want you to know that
you are one of the kindest,
most generous people
I've ever met.
You just sprinkle joy
everywhere you go.
And I know you give
yourself a hard time,
but compared to me, you
are basically perfect.
I am searching high
I'm searching
low in the night ♪
Before I met you, Aines,
I wasn't in a good place.
I've caused a lot
of pain to people
I should have been
looking out for.
Don't wanna cry but
I break that way ♪
I'm not sure if this
is what we're supposed
to be writing, it might have
gone a bit off track here,
but what I want to
say is you Aines,
you change people's
lives for the better.
You've changed my life
and I adore you, love Ben.
If she ran away,
come back home ♪
PS, got a bit of the
old Spanish dancer
having surgery today, no-fuss,
just wanted to let you know
Harry's got the dates anyway.
Have a good day.
[ducks quacking]
- [Aines] Thank you for
meeting me Ellie, and offside.
- Is this about
the Ben situation.
- There is no situation,
but I would appreciate your
discretion and assistance
as I resolve it privately.
When you had your
dalliance with him,
how did you turn your
feelings off so quickly?
- I never really turned
them on in the first place.
- Huh, was that a preemptive
strategy of some sort?
- No, just a gut reaction to
the fact that he's a debacle.
- Right.
- You just need to dig into
the negatives, Ainslie.
- Yes.
- I mean I could list them
for you if it would help.
- Probably would be
quite helpful, yes.
- Okay, well, apart
from the physical.
- Are there physical, negative?
- Pay attention.
Okay, one, wet boots
smell like death.
- I haven't noticed.
- Two, inability to
dispose a dental floss.
- Hence the perfect teeth.
- You're actually
finding yourself here.
Do you realize that line?
Okay, three, singing
on the toilet.
Four, [spitting].
- Oh, I'm not getting
the hang of these, am I?
- You just gotta feel it.
- Four, sometimes he
laughs a bit too loud.
- We'll try again.
- Four, it's bad when
he gets me coffee.
- He makes bad coffee.
- No, it's pretty good.
[soft music]
- [Ben] Dear Heather, I
know you had your wobbles
moving into the house, but
geeze, I love living with you.
You, me, the couch, take
away, watching the tape,
doesn't get any
better than that.
You talk yourself
down and I laugh.
But I hope you know that's
'cause you're such a crackup
not because it's true.
You're smart and you're kind
and you light up every room.
I see you Heather and
I like what I see.
PS just on a personal
note, got a bit of cancer.
Having an operation today.
Harry can tell you all the
rest and whatnot, cheers.
[rapid music]
- We'll play it by ear,
but [music drowning out speech]
sorts of procedures so I might
be keeping an eye on you.
- You cheated, you
wrote a letter.
- What a roller
coaster, bit to cover.
I'm gonna start with,
you've got cancer.
I mean that's your
opening line, Ben.
"I've got cancer."
It's not your fucking PS.
- See, I knew
you'd be like this.
- You haven't seen
anything yet, mate.
Heather in time of sickness,
that's a special
strain of heather.
It's both comforting and
terrifying at the same time.
Okay, Harry, what do we got?
- Stage two melanoma on his arm.
We're having to excise it today,
do some lymph node mapping,
make sure it hasn't spread.
- Hello,.
- Becca.
Beccs, these are my housemates.
Harry, Heather, this is Becks.
- I decided in the end with
Mia that it probably wasn't
a good idea to--
- Yeah, I get it, I get it.
- Wasn't a good idea to keep
something like this from her.
She insisted on coming in so.
- She's here.
- I'm sorry, who?
- I think we should, give
you some space, yeah.
- I'll bring her in but
but actually haven't
said the word cancer.
I just said there was
something wrong with you,
just when she comes in--
- Oh yeah, of course, of course.
[laughs softly]
Thanks, Beck.
[soft music]
All right.
- [Becca] Heya, honey.
[soft chuckling]
- Hey dad.
- Have a look at
you, you look so
You look so grown up.
- You look exactly the same.
- Okay if you could keep
relaxed Zen face as I tell you.
That's Ben's daughter.
Yes, he has a daughter, I
didn't know either, okay?
Very good and now if you
could maintain that expression
as I add, they haven't been
in contact for some time
since Ben went to jail
for possession of pot.
Did you find my magazine?
- No, no.
- Wait, ex-wife.
- These are new.
Couple extra holes in your ears.
How long have they been there?
- Dunno, a year, I think.
- They're pretty fancy.
- Where have you been?
- Well, I was up north
and I thought about
you every day.
- You can call me.
- May, I'm sorry, there's no
excuse for that, is there?
- Do you have cancer?
- What did mom tell you?
- She said you banged
your arm at work,
but if it was a bang at work
I don't think you'd
need an operation.
I'm not stupid.
- I know that, you've
been running rings
around me since you
were two years old.
- Do you still live
in the caravan?
- The caravan?
No actually, I'm
in a big joint now.
Five bedrooms, pool,
and a yard, whole bit.
It's actually, have
to have a word, see if
we can't get you over
for a visit, maybe.
- Did you know
mom's having a baby?
- Eh?
- With Richard?
- No, she, I didn't
know that, that's great.
[soft music]
Yay.
[voice speaking
faintly on intercom]
- So you're renting
a place with Ben?
- Well, actually we've
purchased it, haven't we?
- Yes.
- As an investment that we
live in, a live-in investment
type situation.
- I never thought Ben would
be in a position to buy,
let alone invest.
- You know Ben is really,
I'd say he's the backbone
of the house,
wouldn't you Heather?
- Oh yeah, absolutely.
He's the linchpin, the Mr,
Fix it, the house mascot.
- I can't imagine
what he said about me.
- Not all that much.
- No, he's been very
respectful and discreet.
- Very discreet.
- Oh, I'm so sorry,
that's my cue.
It was lovely to
meet you, Rebecca.
- I want you to give
Richard heaps of lip.
Don't give him a
free ride, all right?
- Mia honey, it's time to go.
- I'll see you, kiddo.
- See you.
- Do you know what time
you'll be discharged tomorrow?
- No, but I'll text
you when I get out.
- No, I'll pick you up.
Need to see this
new life of yours.
- Well no, the just,
the house is not ready
and you know, I wanted
to have it perfect
before you and Mia--
- You need a lift, just
say thank you and shut up.
House will be ready.
[soft music]
- Okay.
See you, Mia.
- See you.
[machines beeping]
[Ben breathing softly]
- How are you feeling, Ben?
- Good, yeah.
[chuckling]
- [Woman] Ben, if could
get you to count backwards.
- Geeze, you look good, Hauser.
You should wear that more.
- Scrubs?
- I don't know if it's
the drugs talking,
but I'm telling you,
for a gentleman looking
for another gentleman
and I saw you in
- [Woman] He's out.
- Just look, I believe
you didn't say anything.
- Well, he chose to put it in
his house feedback letters.
God knows why.
Possibly a very Ben combination
of modesty, bashfulness
and sheer idiocy.
You knew about the kid, yeah?
- Mia, yeah, of course,
he loves her to bits.
When he got done, honestly
he was taking the fall
for the whole team.
No one knew you
could go to jail.
- I'm sorry, jail?
- We'll explain later,
right now we've got to figure
out how to get this house
looking vaguely presentable
because the mother
of his child--
- The mother of Ben's child.
- Is gonna be here
at 10:00 AM tomorrow
and I've got a feeling
maybe she's softening
her attitude to Ben.
And if I came here as a
mother, I'd be concerned.
I am concerned.
- I haven't even
started on the bedroom.
- Forget about the bedroom.
So can we get the hallway
and the living area
and then we'll just get
rid of all this crap.
- I'll give the boys a ring.
Burkey's got an
industrial fan we can use.
Might be tight, but I
reckon we can get it.
- Oh my God.
- Okay.
- I can't read
all of the handwriting
but what I can read
- [Man] Any chance
you can swing by
- Beautiful.
- Anytime, mate, soon
as you can, really.
[soft music]
- [Ben] Dear Lizzie.
[Becca yelping]
I've never known anyone
who's such a gun
in so many ways.
[people chattering]
- What is happening?
- It's for Ben, sorry
your room is the biggest,
need it for storage.
- Read this.
[people chattering]
- [Ben] You're a crack
lawyer, you do Pilates,
your posture's incredible
and you smell so
damn good always.
You are so excellent at so much.
It sounds wankey, but you
inspire me to do better
in my own life.
Anyway, I'm bloody
proud to live with you.
PS, I've got cancer.
Don't stress, it's bad, but
not too bad, and Harry's on it.
- Firstly, I would
like to withdraw
the housemate thing
feedback letter for Ben.
Secondly, give me a paintbrush.
- And when you've done
now if you can help me
cart in, that'd be great.
[energetic music]
Aw, beautiful, Ains.
Gold, I love it, love it.
- Oh hi, is it, is that high?
- Aww, yeah, no.
It's a good start.
Might just grab
- Water please.
[crowd chattering]
[energetic music]
- Harry, how is he?
How'd it go?
- Oh, um
- Shush, shush!
- Well, we did quite
a wide excitation
around the melanoma
site and performed
a biopsy of the
Sentinel lymph nodes--
- Just, is Ben gonna make it?
- He'll be fine, the
spread is contained.
[all cheering]
He will have to be
vigilant going forward.
- Get that into you, mate.
[crowd chattering]
- So this is why you wanted
me to go easy on him?
Harry, can I just remind
you that one of your roles
in this relationship
is to operate
the Liz, you're being
a total bitch alarm?
- I acknowledge that, I do
want to sound said alarm,
but it was tricky.
- In such cases could
I ask that you sound
the Liz, you're
being a total bitch
discreet early warning system?
- Noted.
- Does it hurt?
- It's a bit stingy when
the painkillers wear down.
But nothing too crazy.
Hey, um
Hear you're having another kid.
- She told you.
- Yeah.
- Listen, I was gonna say
obviously when I was
a bit further on it
and introduce you to
Richard, of course.
- I'm thrilled for you, Beck.
I know you wanted
to have another one
and you're an awesome mom.
- Ben, the last time we
spoke I said some things.
- I deserved it.
- No, I made you think that
Mia would be better off
without you and I
hate myself for that.
- Honestly, you don't have
to explain anything to me.
- I just don't know whether
I've made the right decisions.
- Beck, of course you did.
You made the best decisions.
I should have been
around and I wasn't.
That's on me, but
I'm here now, Beck
and I want to be in her life.
[soft music]
- Really?
- Yeah.
- This one, how
many people put in?
- You just have to understand,
it's a bit of a wreck
right now, but--
- I would strongly
advise seeing it now.
Hi, I'm Ainsley, lovely to
meet you, you're welcome.
- Oh, Ainsley's the mastermind
behind the whole idea.
- Not technically true.
- I wouldn't say mastermind.
- Neither would I.
- She saved my life.
- [Heather] I'm pretty
sure that was Harry.
- It was a team effort.
[both laughing]
[soft music]
- [Ben] Hey, g'day, mate.
- Hi.
- Simmo, is
- It's all in a duck
egg, mate, perfect time.
- Any particular room
you want to see first?
- I want to see it all.
- After you.
Told you it was nice.
- Wow, art's beautiful, Ben.
- You like it?
- [Becca] Is that, I
don't like the meat grill.
- [Ben] Yeah, yup.
- No, that's a massive
negative right there.
- The meat grill?
- No, the ex-wife, that he
neglected to tell us about
on top of the child he
didn't tell us about
and the jail sentence
he also omitted, and how
many negatives do you need?
- I'm just not sure
that I respond well
to the digging for
negatives theory.
It's almost like it has
the opposite effect.
- Jesus.
- I think I might
be better placed
just avoiding him for a bit.
- You live with him.
- But I think you'll be
surprised by how much
I can limit my exposure
to him to almost nothing.
I genuinely enjoy
spending time in my room
and I can keep very odd
hours when I have to.
- Let me know how that goes.
- I will, actually no.
There'll be nothing to report
and we will never need
to speak about this again
to anyone ever.
[fast music]
Oh, thank you.
- Hey, she's gone.
- Yeah.
- How'd you go?
- Ah, well she reckons Mia
can start with a visit.
Maybe like a swim or
something on a hot day
and then work up
to staying over.
- There you go, better than
a kick in the pants, eh?
- Thank you.
- Oh no, your mates
did the heavy lifting,
Simmo especially.
I just barked a few orders
and paid the pieces.
- I don't know, Simmo said
you were pretty unstoppable.
He said, "Mate, you
should see that woman
"on her hands and knees."
- He's an absolute idiot
but a jewel at the
[people speaking
faintly in other room]
- Righty-O, I'm gonna
pop painkiller in 10.
Then let's get onto
this housemate feedback.
- [Liz] What?
I would strongly advise no.
- I'm starting to
think maybe this system
isn't even applicable
to a living situation.
- Personally I don't
think everyone's had time.
- Well hang on, at
at least get my one
for Harry, did two
drafts to that one.
- Ah, I just
- Right on top.
There you go, mate.
- I'm sorry, I honestly
can't read this handwriting.
- It's not that bad.
- Dear Harry, when I say
I am glad to know you,
to live with you,
it's an undergarment.
- Statement, understatement,
understatement.
- Because you saved my life.
Or at least I hope you're
gonna save my life,
writing this before the op.
But if anything goes
wrong, two things.
Firstly, no hard feelings,
I'm sure you did your best.
Secondly, your mom.
I really hope you can tell
her the truth soon
'cause I don't think
she'll be as stressed
as you think she'll be.
Your mom's a classic and
she loves you and so do I.
So would everyone, 'cause
you're an incredible man.
Lots of love, your brother Ben.
- Read that one, it's a thesis.
- That's no, sorry,
I think that's a--
- No, no, that's an
unrelated document.
- To the council?
- Yeah, sure,
now I really want to.
- No, no, no,
let him have it,
have it, have it.
But just know that a
lot of water has gone
under the bridge
since I wrote that.
- Items for Ben,
item one, flatulence,
it's all in capitals too.
Ben, I know your mates
laugh at your farts,
but a fart released in
an open building site
is very, very different
to a closed-in room.
Please consider that.
Fair enough, Liz.
- Okay, second thoughts.
- No, no, no, wait!
Item two, there's a
difference in function between
a tea towel and a
serviette, is it?
- Yep, generally best not to
wipe your face on a tea towel.
- Dually noted, three,
if you could separate
social media time with toilet
time, it would be appreciated.
I don't ever remember
mixing those two.
- Ben, Ben, whenever you
go into that bathroom,
we each get 57 social
media notifications.
Please know that as
far as I'm concerned,
every single one of those
likes is deeply tainted.
- [Ben] Okay, four.
- Despite all of that
I find myself feeling
a surprising amount
of warmth towards you
and I am extremely
glad that you're okay.
[soft music]
Now, I would have liked
to have known about
the existence of your condition
and indeed your daughter,
maybe even your criminal record.
But now that I do I
sincerely hope that
everything works out.
- Nice, you caught yourself
off guard there, didn't you?
- Yes, I did.
[knocking on door]
- Yeah.
- Ben, about the incident
earlier, firstly you know,
just thank you, lovely
moment, lovely gesture.
I don't know where, yes,
but you know, delightful.
As surprises go.
- Well, I'll admit--
- Just let me, if I could.
Secondly, rest assured that
I do see it for what it was,
you know, just a
random unexplained
impulse triggered by,
you know, adrenaline
and anesthetic.
And I am in no way expecting
any kind of repeat performance.
- Oh, it wasn't a performance.
- Sorry, poor choice of words.
- And I am very open to the
idea of it happening again.
- Okay, you're confused.
You're overwhelmed.
You know, you've got a lot
of drugs in your system.
- I like you Heather,
I like you a lot.
Is that okay?
And I think I got
to kiss you again.
[soft rock music]
- We've been robbed.
- Hello, neighbor.
- An officer and a gentleman.
- Which part of we both
take this to our graves,
did you not understand?
- Still thinking about it, eh?
Aren't you?
- Surely four innocent people
shouldn't be penalized.
- What's the address?
- Is our house at risk?
- I'm so ashamed.
[upbeat music]