Florida Girls (2019) s01e03 Episode Script
Sunday Chunky Sunday
1 That's right, that's right What up tonight, trying to catch these vibes Hold up, move to the side Give me my room while I catch my vibe [ALARM BEEPING.]
[SIGHS.]
It's here.
It's finally here! Wake up, bitch.
It's Chunky Sunday! [LAUGHS.]
Sunday Chunky Sunday Sunday, Chunky Sunday Get up! It's Chunky Sunday, bitches! Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Ha! Y'all ready to go fuck up some ribs and get our twerk on? Dude, I'm so stoked for this barbecue.
I'm-a smoke all the flavored blunts.
Peach, grape, white grape, blue.
- Why are you so dressed up? - Do you have court? KAITLIN: No, you can't wear that to Chunky Sunday.
I can barely see your ass.
You look ridiculous.
Oh, I'm not going with y'all.
[SCOFFS.]
Wait, what? Harold invited me to a fancy Tampa business owner's luncheon at the airport Marriott.
Tampa fucking Bay.
Airport fucking Marriott.
He even bought me this new dress.
You look like a really expensive prostitute.
KAITLIN: No, no! Don't compliment her.
She's a traitor.
She's ruining the most important day of the month for some chump who doesn't take her seriously.
Has he even called you his girlfriend yet? Oh, of course.
Yeah, absolutely.
Mm, right.
So, you're ditching us for an 80-year-old who doesn't claim you.
Awesome.
No, I'm ditching y'all for a lifetime of wealth and leisure.
See, I think Harold's bringing me around all his bougie business friends as a test.
And I'm-a ace that shit.
Remember when we waitressed at The Pearl? Ugh, God, I hated that place.
Everyone was so mean and stuck-up.
Exactly.
Everyone was so unhappy all the time and asking to see the manager.
So, I'm thinking, all I have to do is act like I'm too good for everything, and all Harold's friends will think I'm super classy.
"Excuse me, miss, I asked for my dressing on the side.
"Would you please remake my field greens?" Bam! And to top it all off: Ba-bam! - A new Coach bag.
- Tight.
Wait, but why are there Gs all over it? A'ight fine, it's a Goach bag.
Come on, Jay.
We can't go to Chunky Sunday without you.
- What? Why not? - Uh, because it's a black barbecue, and you're our only black friend.
[CHUCKLES.]
: But What? I'm black, too.
You're barely black, Shelby.
I'm half-black, and we'll be fine.
I'll just, um you know, I'll play up my black half.
There's got to be something I can wear that'll make me look more black.
[QUIETLY.]
: Please don't leave us with her.
Jay, come on.
You know I love black people parties.
They're so much more fun and loose than white people parties.
So just go.
You'll be fine.
You don't need me.
Yes, we do.
[GROANS.]
You don't get it.
You couldn't.
Look at me.
I'm a white woman who lives in a mobile home.
I mean, black people see me, and-and they just assume I'm another racist Florida redneck.
But when I'm with you, suddenly, I'm a cool white woman of the people.
ERICA: I'm white, and I live in a mobile home, and no one thinks I'm a redneck.
Yes, they do.
You're just too brain-dead to notice.
Kaitlin, I'm so sorry that you are a white woman.
I'm sure that must be a very hard life.
But you don't need me.
Y'all will fit in fine.
SHELBY [MUFFLED.]
: Jay, can I borrow this? Or is it is it too much? It's too much.
Okay.
Y'all are acting so problematic today.
KAITLIN: Randi? Hello? Open up! Why do we need my mom to come with us? Because you don't look black, Shelby.
You look like you just got back from the frickin' Bahamas.
- I think the braids are dope.
- [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Bang on the door one more time, and you're gonna lose that hand.
We need you to come with us right now.
It's an emergency.
- Oh, God, what happened? - SHELBY: No, Mom, it's fine.
Kaitlin just doesn't think I look black enough Shut up, Shelby.
Jayla ditched us, so we need a black person to come to Chunky Sunday with us.
Go get ready, and hurry up.
I don't want to miss the ribs.
What are you talking about? You don't need a black person.
Just go.
- You'll be fine.
- No, we won't.
We're gonna look like a couple of rednecks hanging out with Rachel Dolezal.
We need a real black person.
Come on, Randi.
Please? I've never missed a Chunky Sunday ever.
Not even when my dad died.
So, you're desperate, huh? Well, I mean, I would love to help you girls out, but I was just about to dig that stump up.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's rotted, and spiders have nested in it, and the spiders are getting in the house.
I mean, so you can see the predicament I'm in.
Just got an idea.
If you girls dig the stump up for me, then I can go to the barbecue, and you got your black person.
No.
We're not doing that.
No.
Forget it.
[STRAINING.]
[YELLS.]
[PANTING.]
Let's go.
Get in the car.
Now! I get mad booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got mad booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, get mad booty Get mad, I got booty, get mad booty, get mad Yes! I love Chunky Sunday so much.
I know.
And I feel like I'm really fitting in.
Mm, smell them peach blunts.
I'm gonna find me a peach blunt.
Ooh, good call, good call.
Okay, then we'll hit the ribs, and then get on that dance floor.
Randi, I hope you like twerking, 'cause - Dude.
- RANDI: Hey, lady, how you doing? What are you doing? - You got to stick by us.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That ain't part of the deal.
[LAUGHS.]
You said come with y'all.
All right.
Okay.
I've always wanted to learn Spades.
Deal me in, ladies.
Sorry, honey, game's full.
All right, Wanda, your bid.
RANDI: Let's see [WHISPERS.]
: You guys, you guys.
Did you see that? They won't let me play 'cause they think I'm just some racist redneck.
Or maybe it's because Spades is a four-person game - and you're a fifth person.
- Don't be an idiot, Erica.
Take a look around.
Everyone's staring at us.
- What? No, they're not.
- Dude, relax.
You're with me.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, no, no.
God.
I wonder if they have any light beer.
- KAITLIN: Oh, my God.
- Do y'all got any light beer? Stop.
Stop it.
Yeah, don't worry, fool, it's all about the hustle Look, I know they want to modify the menu, but to get rid of the Neighborhood Nachos? That's ridiculous.
[LAUGHS.]
Good seeing you ladies.
Hey, there he is.
Arnie.
Hope it's not crummy.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Arnie owns three Krispy Kremes.
Nice to meet you.
This is my girlfriend Lisa.
- Hi.
- Hi.
And this is, uh, my friend Jayla.
Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
These sliders are overcooked.
Did y'all notice that? I was just thinking that.
Oh, my bun's a little burnt, too.
I hate this burger.
- Excuse me, miss? - CATERER: Yes, ma'am? These sliders are unacceptable.
Would you please bring us a fresh tray? Sorry, we were just told we're 86'd on the sliders.
Oh, well in that case, can I speak to your manager? Todd.
I mean, they're burnt.
Jaylandra? Juicy J! Yo, it's me, Lil' Hazy.
Man, I ain't seen you since we were spitting in people's drinks at Mugs 'N Jugs.
Look at you all dressed up.
No more tube tops and coochie cutters for you, huh, girl? You know, I was just thinking about that time we got baked at Crystal Meth's grandma's crib, and that girl with the teeth fuck Shiny D's boyfriend.
So nasty.
[JAYLA SHUDDERS.]
Mm.
You know who would love this food? Our good friend, Jaylandra! She's probably my best friend.
We watched Black Panther together.
It's my favorite movie.
All right.
Let's hurry up and eat.
We got to get back to your mom.
I'm getting a lot of weird looks.
Yeah, probably 'cause you're yelling really loud while everyone's trying to eat.
Erica's right.
Dude, you're the only one being weird.
We're totally fine.
I think everyone can finally tell I'm half-black.
Oh, my God.
Did you see that? I don't even know her, and she totally acknowledged me.
I'm gonna go dance.
Oh, God, no.
She dances whiter than all of us.
Now I get two hours of good sleep Bossy, do bossy things Shelby! Stop snapping your fingers.
[SIGHS.]
ERICA: At least she's having fun.
Let's go dance.
All right, but we have to spread out.
We can't just be one big white clump - in the middle of the dance floor.
- Excuse me.
Have y'all seen a cell phone? Uh, I don't think so.
I left it right here a minute ago.
- Dude, did you take her phone? - What? No.
Hey, ain't you the girl that stole the microwave from the ghetto store? Who, me? Yeah, that was me.
Girl, did you take my phone? It's okay if you did.
Just give it back.
No, I-I swear I didn't take it.
What's going on, Cindy? This girl just took my phone.
EARL: Didn't you just swipe a hot sauce from the grill? Yeah, that was me.
Sorry about that.
But I swear I didn't take her phone.
[QUIETLY.]
: Great.
Well, now they hate us.
So thanks.
Randi! Shelby? Oh, yeah Ooh, and I got to get rich on a Thursday TODD: And we were so poor back then, if someone left half a beer at the bar, we'd drink it.
But Juicy J, she was next-level with that shit.
She would hole herself up in the kitchen eating all the leftover scraps out the bus trays.
- [STRAINS.]
: Stop - Old bread, half a shrimp.
I can still see you like a little rat in the kitchen, gnawing on a chicken bone.
[MAKES CHEWING SOUNDS.]
We were all, "Juicy J, put that bone down!" [LAUGHS.]
Anyway, uh, you needed to talk to me about something? [HOARSE.]
: Uh, the sliders were a little overcooked, but don't-don't worry about it.
Dope, dope, dope.
Find me if you want me to smoke you out later.
I got you Um So that was Todd.
Mm.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Man, we've all gone through some lean times, haven't we? [CHUCKLES.]
I remember my first job, bussing tables at Applebee's.
When the janitor would call in sick, my boss would say, "Guess what, Harold.
You're our janitor tonight.
" [LAUGHTER.]
Craziest part is, uh, I worked my way up, and I bought that Applebee's.
And I can't wait to watch my girl Jayla buy her own Mugs 'N Jugs one day.
- [LAUGHS.]
- LISA: I remember my first job as a flight attendant.
Ugh, the pilot forced me to stay in the cockpit.
He blocked the door.
[CHUCKLES.]
It was awful.
[LISA LAUGHS.]
Look, I hear y'all, and I'm sorry if I ever stole something from y'all in the past, but I didn't take her phone.
Are any of these your phone? No, but that proves you're a thief.
Let me check your pockets.
I already told you I didn't take it.
[SCOFFS.]
I mean, who'd this trick-ass bitch even come here with, right? Not me.
No, I came with that black lady over there playing Spades.
Can't really see her she's there.
So, yeah, we're obviously cool with each other - He's got a gun! Get down! - [OTHERS YELL.]
Down! - You thought this was a gun? - [OTHERS MURMURING.]
Oh, my God.
That's not a gun.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, God.
False alarm.
It wasn't a gun.
It was it was a spatula.
Everybody, calm down! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call my friend Jayla.
She's black.
She'll vouch for me.
JAYLA [OVER PHONE.]
: You have reached Damn it.
Okay, her phone's off.
It's fine.
It's totally fine.
I'm gonna go get her.
Okay.
Wait, is that your phone? CINDY: Oh, my God.
It is.
[LAUGHS.]
: Baby took your damn phone.
Girl, I'm sorry.
I was tripping.
Nah, it's all good.
I do steal a lot, so I get it.
And I totally would've taken your phone if I had the chance.
Hard work, taking no days off I'm a boss I am so glad you came.
I never have fun at these things.
- [GIGGLES.]
- STEVE: Harold.
- It's good to see you.
- Hey, man, how are you? Uh, Steve owns an Applebee's in Miami.
- Ah.
- This is my girlfriend, Jayla.
[EXHALES.]
: Hi! I'm his girlfriend, Jayla.
[LAUGHS.]
- How's business? - I heard corporate is discontinuing the Neighborhood Nachos.
Don't remind me.
You know, they have some nerve Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.
I have to use the ladies' room.
[LAUGHS.]
- Move! [YELLS.]
- Oh, there you are.
Thank God! Get your ass out of here.
You boogie to the right, then you boogie to the left Bunny hop, then bend yo knees, do a slide, no time for rest One more slide and then you shimmy Looking good, girl.
[LAUGHS.]
Get it, Becky.
What? Becky? I-I I'm-I'm not a Becky.
I'm not white.
Uh, my mom's black.
Yeah, and my daddy's George Washington.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah, one time - Take a break - Take a break - Rev it up - Rev it up - Then make it shake.
What the hell are you doing here?! Dude, Erica started a full-on race war at Chunky Sunday.
You need to get down there now and tell everyone I'm not racist so we can twerk and have a bomb-ass Sunday - like we always do.
- This is all in your head.
Nobody thinks you're a racist redneck.
Why would they? I mean, you sound hella ignorant right now, but you ain't racist.
Right? No, of course not.
You're my best friend, and I would die for you.
And, honestly, I like black people better than white people.
They're cooler, they have better barbecues, they dance better.
I love James Harden and Nicki Minaj.
God, I love Nicki Minaj so much.
And I was super sad when Prince died.
Um, okay Wow.
You're right.
I'm definitely not racist.
Oh, my God, I feel so much better.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
All right, good.
Now get the hell out of here before somebody sees me talking to a two-dollar hoe in the bathroom.
Yeah, I could see that.
- Yeah.
- [GRUNTS.]
Okay, bye.
Thank you.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Hey, Harold is looking for you.
- Hey.
Oh, my boyfriend is so protective.
He's my boyfriend now.
He just said it out there.
Well, he said I'm his girlfriend, which means he my boyfriend.
Look at me, rambling on about my boyfriend.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
And at least Harold has the decency to take off his wedding ring around you.
I keep telling Arnie, "If you're gonna introduce me as your girlfriend, take off your damn wedding ring.
" We don't want the whole world knowing that we're dating married guys, right? [CHUCKLES.]
Anyway, I'll see you out there.
He's married? Someone better move Bitch, I'm coming through Can you excuse us, please? Are you married? Listen [CHUCKLES.]
You stupid coward! For months, you've been wasting my damn time! Do you know how embarrassing that is? Screw this place, and screw you! WOMAN: Ooh! Guess what.
I ain't like y'all! I don't own some wack-ass chain restaurant, and I ain't some dumb-ass flight attendant! Girl, I am so sorry.
I don't know why I dragged you into this.
You cute.
You fine.
But the rest of y'all, I don't like y'all.
Standing around all damn day complaining about everything.
This Marriott is lit.
And those sliders was bomb as hell.
And screw those tiny-ass purses with no straps on 'em.
Holding 'em all day like a bunch of fools.
Juicy J! Yeah! Yo, what are you doing here? What's wrong? You were right.
Harold never took me seriously.
He's married.
I was just his beautiful side piece.
What the hell are you doing sitting here? We got to go key his car, man.
I thought of that.
But after a car goes through the valet, I don't know what happens to it.
Oh, yeah.
Me, either.
Uh, w-well, can I at least go spit in his face? Nah.
I already did that.
You want to go twerk? Yeah.
Hey, what's up? Why are you over here by yourself? Why are you asking? Because I'm your mother and I want to make sure you all right.
Okay, fine, I need five bucks.
They said I was cutting clubs and then playing them.
Can you believe that? - Were you? - Of course not.
I was hiding them.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Come on.
What's going on? I don't know.
Sometimes it's hard being half-black.
You know, 'cause 'cause half my family is black, but I never feel like I'm part of your group.
Oh, my God.
I can't even hear this tragic mulatto mess.
Aw, poor little half-white girl.
- Oh, my God.
- Come on.
You should thank God that you are not part of my group.
'Cause you know what happens to my group? I got thrown in jail for falling asleep in the library.
A security guard tackled me at the Gap because the woman forgot to take the sensor off my shirt.
I just heard a white girl thought a black man's spatula was a gun.
Okay, okay, okay.
Never mind.
I get it.
Here.
Thank you, baby.
But hey, don't worry about being part of my group.
You got your own group.
Those dumb-ass shady friends of yours.
[RANDI LAUGHS.]
I'm back in! Throw that thing like a tantrum Know you want to put it on me, heard you think I'm handsome Sit it on my lap Hey, what's going on? [CHUCKLING.]
Am I getting weird looks, or is this still just all in my head? - That ain't in your head.
- Damn it.
Ugh, I knew it.
I told you, Jay.
Black people always just assume I'm another Florida racist.
Oh, that ain't it.
Nobody thought you were racist until you accused Earl of having a gun.
He reached into his apron and pulled out a metal object.
Spatulas are metal, guns are metal.
God, Jay, can you please clear this up for us? Yeah, I didn't know you had done all that.
I'm starting to think that maybe you might just be racist.
KAITLIN: Wait, but no.
No.
What about all that stuff I was saying earlier about James Harden and Nicki Minaj and how black people are really cool? Yeah, all that was kind of racist, too.
I was just trying to get you out of the Marriott.
So, what are you saying? I really am just another racist redneck? - And I'm not, right? - Nah, you're cool.
Tight.
So, does this mean I have to leave? What? No.
If we made a big deal about you acting like that, we'd never hang out with white people again.
Wait, most white people act like this? Oh, so I'm fine, then.
That's the wrong takeaway.
SHELBY: Hey.
- What are you doing here? - KAITLIN: There you are! We're all together, and it's Chunky Sunday.
[LAUGHS.]
Let's go twerk.
- Yeah! - [LAUGHS.]
Yeah! Hey.
I am so sorry about her, girl.
She not usually like that.
Actually, she is.
You want to go twerk? Twerk, twerk, twerk Twerk, girl, let me see what you got Twerk, girl, booty rocking the yard Twerk, girl, you on top of the shelf Twerk, girl, put that thang on my belt, hey Twerk, twerk, pop it like a lolly Twerk, twerk, all up on your body Twerk, twerk, shawty kinda naughty, gettin' loose You know that caboose bigger than the trolly
[SIGHS.]
It's here.
It's finally here! Wake up, bitch.
It's Chunky Sunday! [LAUGHS.]
Sunday Chunky Sunday Sunday, Chunky Sunday Get up! It's Chunky Sunday, bitches! Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Ha! Y'all ready to go fuck up some ribs and get our twerk on? Dude, I'm so stoked for this barbecue.
I'm-a smoke all the flavored blunts.
Peach, grape, white grape, blue.
- Why are you so dressed up? - Do you have court? KAITLIN: No, you can't wear that to Chunky Sunday.
I can barely see your ass.
You look ridiculous.
Oh, I'm not going with y'all.
[SCOFFS.]
Wait, what? Harold invited me to a fancy Tampa business owner's luncheon at the airport Marriott.
Tampa fucking Bay.
Airport fucking Marriott.
He even bought me this new dress.
You look like a really expensive prostitute.
KAITLIN: No, no! Don't compliment her.
She's a traitor.
She's ruining the most important day of the month for some chump who doesn't take her seriously.
Has he even called you his girlfriend yet? Oh, of course.
Yeah, absolutely.
Mm, right.
So, you're ditching us for an 80-year-old who doesn't claim you.
Awesome.
No, I'm ditching y'all for a lifetime of wealth and leisure.
See, I think Harold's bringing me around all his bougie business friends as a test.
And I'm-a ace that shit.
Remember when we waitressed at The Pearl? Ugh, God, I hated that place.
Everyone was so mean and stuck-up.
Exactly.
Everyone was so unhappy all the time and asking to see the manager.
So, I'm thinking, all I have to do is act like I'm too good for everything, and all Harold's friends will think I'm super classy.
"Excuse me, miss, I asked for my dressing on the side.
"Would you please remake my field greens?" Bam! And to top it all off: Ba-bam! - A new Coach bag.
- Tight.
Wait, but why are there Gs all over it? A'ight fine, it's a Goach bag.
Come on, Jay.
We can't go to Chunky Sunday without you.
- What? Why not? - Uh, because it's a black barbecue, and you're our only black friend.
[CHUCKLES.]
: But What? I'm black, too.
You're barely black, Shelby.
I'm half-black, and we'll be fine.
I'll just, um you know, I'll play up my black half.
There's got to be something I can wear that'll make me look more black.
[QUIETLY.]
: Please don't leave us with her.
Jay, come on.
You know I love black people parties.
They're so much more fun and loose than white people parties.
So just go.
You'll be fine.
You don't need me.
Yes, we do.
[GROANS.]
You don't get it.
You couldn't.
Look at me.
I'm a white woman who lives in a mobile home.
I mean, black people see me, and-and they just assume I'm another racist Florida redneck.
But when I'm with you, suddenly, I'm a cool white woman of the people.
ERICA: I'm white, and I live in a mobile home, and no one thinks I'm a redneck.
Yes, they do.
You're just too brain-dead to notice.
Kaitlin, I'm so sorry that you are a white woman.
I'm sure that must be a very hard life.
But you don't need me.
Y'all will fit in fine.
SHELBY [MUFFLED.]
: Jay, can I borrow this? Or is it is it too much? It's too much.
Okay.
Y'all are acting so problematic today.
KAITLIN: Randi? Hello? Open up! Why do we need my mom to come with us? Because you don't look black, Shelby.
You look like you just got back from the frickin' Bahamas.
- I think the braids are dope.
- [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Bang on the door one more time, and you're gonna lose that hand.
We need you to come with us right now.
It's an emergency.
- Oh, God, what happened? - SHELBY: No, Mom, it's fine.
Kaitlin just doesn't think I look black enough Shut up, Shelby.
Jayla ditched us, so we need a black person to come to Chunky Sunday with us.
Go get ready, and hurry up.
I don't want to miss the ribs.
What are you talking about? You don't need a black person.
Just go.
- You'll be fine.
- No, we won't.
We're gonna look like a couple of rednecks hanging out with Rachel Dolezal.
We need a real black person.
Come on, Randi.
Please? I've never missed a Chunky Sunday ever.
Not even when my dad died.
So, you're desperate, huh? Well, I mean, I would love to help you girls out, but I was just about to dig that stump up.
Yeah, I mean, you know, it's rotted, and spiders have nested in it, and the spiders are getting in the house.
I mean, so you can see the predicament I'm in.
Just got an idea.
If you girls dig the stump up for me, then I can go to the barbecue, and you got your black person.
No.
We're not doing that.
No.
Forget it.
[STRAINING.]
[YELLS.]
[PANTING.]
Let's go.
Get in the car.
Now! I get mad booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got mad booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, booty, get mad booty Get mad booty, booty, get mad booty I got booty, get mad booty Get mad, I got booty, get mad booty, get mad Yes! I love Chunky Sunday so much.
I know.
And I feel like I'm really fitting in.
Mm, smell them peach blunts.
I'm gonna find me a peach blunt.
Ooh, good call, good call.
Okay, then we'll hit the ribs, and then get on that dance floor.
Randi, I hope you like twerking, 'cause - Dude.
- RANDI: Hey, lady, how you doing? What are you doing? - You got to stick by us.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That ain't part of the deal.
[LAUGHS.]
You said come with y'all.
All right.
Okay.
I've always wanted to learn Spades.
Deal me in, ladies.
Sorry, honey, game's full.
All right, Wanda, your bid.
RANDI: Let's see [WHISPERS.]
: You guys, you guys.
Did you see that? They won't let me play 'cause they think I'm just some racist redneck.
Or maybe it's because Spades is a four-person game - and you're a fifth person.
- Don't be an idiot, Erica.
Take a look around.
Everyone's staring at us.
- What? No, they're not.
- Dude, relax.
You're with me.
[GRUNTS.]
Oh, no, no.
God.
I wonder if they have any light beer.
- KAITLIN: Oh, my God.
- Do y'all got any light beer? Stop.
Stop it.
Yeah, don't worry, fool, it's all about the hustle Look, I know they want to modify the menu, but to get rid of the Neighborhood Nachos? That's ridiculous.
[LAUGHS.]
Good seeing you ladies.
Hey, there he is.
Arnie.
Hope it's not crummy.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
Arnie owns three Krispy Kremes.
Nice to meet you.
This is my girlfriend Lisa.
- Hi.
- Hi.
And this is, uh, my friend Jayla.
Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
These sliders are overcooked.
Did y'all notice that? I was just thinking that.
Oh, my bun's a little burnt, too.
I hate this burger.
- Excuse me, miss? - CATERER: Yes, ma'am? These sliders are unacceptable.
Would you please bring us a fresh tray? Sorry, we were just told we're 86'd on the sliders.
Oh, well in that case, can I speak to your manager? Todd.
I mean, they're burnt.
Jaylandra? Juicy J! Yo, it's me, Lil' Hazy.
Man, I ain't seen you since we were spitting in people's drinks at Mugs 'N Jugs.
Look at you all dressed up.
No more tube tops and coochie cutters for you, huh, girl? You know, I was just thinking about that time we got baked at Crystal Meth's grandma's crib, and that girl with the teeth fuck Shiny D's boyfriend.
So nasty.
[JAYLA SHUDDERS.]
Mm.
You know who would love this food? Our good friend, Jaylandra! She's probably my best friend.
We watched Black Panther together.
It's my favorite movie.
All right.
Let's hurry up and eat.
We got to get back to your mom.
I'm getting a lot of weird looks.
Yeah, probably 'cause you're yelling really loud while everyone's trying to eat.
Erica's right.
Dude, you're the only one being weird.
We're totally fine.
I think everyone can finally tell I'm half-black.
Oh, my God.
Did you see that? I don't even know her, and she totally acknowledged me.
I'm gonna go dance.
Oh, God, no.
She dances whiter than all of us.
Now I get two hours of good sleep Bossy, do bossy things Shelby! Stop snapping your fingers.
[SIGHS.]
ERICA: At least she's having fun.
Let's go dance.
All right, but we have to spread out.
We can't just be one big white clump - in the middle of the dance floor.
- Excuse me.
Have y'all seen a cell phone? Uh, I don't think so.
I left it right here a minute ago.
- Dude, did you take her phone? - What? No.
Hey, ain't you the girl that stole the microwave from the ghetto store? Who, me? Yeah, that was me.
Girl, did you take my phone? It's okay if you did.
Just give it back.
No, I-I swear I didn't take it.
What's going on, Cindy? This girl just took my phone.
EARL: Didn't you just swipe a hot sauce from the grill? Yeah, that was me.
Sorry about that.
But I swear I didn't take her phone.
[QUIETLY.]
: Great.
Well, now they hate us.
So thanks.
Randi! Shelby? Oh, yeah Ooh, and I got to get rich on a Thursday TODD: And we were so poor back then, if someone left half a beer at the bar, we'd drink it.
But Juicy J, she was next-level with that shit.
She would hole herself up in the kitchen eating all the leftover scraps out the bus trays.
- [STRAINS.]
: Stop - Old bread, half a shrimp.
I can still see you like a little rat in the kitchen, gnawing on a chicken bone.
[MAKES CHEWING SOUNDS.]
We were all, "Juicy J, put that bone down!" [LAUGHS.]
Anyway, uh, you needed to talk to me about something? [HOARSE.]
: Uh, the sliders were a little overcooked, but don't-don't worry about it.
Dope, dope, dope.
Find me if you want me to smoke you out later.
I got you Um So that was Todd.
Mm.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Man, we've all gone through some lean times, haven't we? [CHUCKLES.]
I remember my first job, bussing tables at Applebee's.
When the janitor would call in sick, my boss would say, "Guess what, Harold.
You're our janitor tonight.
" [LAUGHTER.]
Craziest part is, uh, I worked my way up, and I bought that Applebee's.
And I can't wait to watch my girl Jayla buy her own Mugs 'N Jugs one day.
- [LAUGHS.]
- LISA: I remember my first job as a flight attendant.
Ugh, the pilot forced me to stay in the cockpit.
He blocked the door.
[CHUCKLES.]
It was awful.
[LISA LAUGHS.]
Look, I hear y'all, and I'm sorry if I ever stole something from y'all in the past, but I didn't take her phone.
Are any of these your phone? No, but that proves you're a thief.
Let me check your pockets.
I already told you I didn't take it.
[SCOFFS.]
I mean, who'd this trick-ass bitch even come here with, right? Not me.
No, I came with that black lady over there playing Spades.
Can't really see her she's there.
So, yeah, we're obviously cool with each other - He's got a gun! Get down! - [OTHERS YELL.]
Down! - You thought this was a gun? - [OTHERS MURMURING.]
Oh, my God.
That's not a gun.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, God.
False alarm.
It wasn't a gun.
It was it was a spatula.
Everybody, calm down! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call my friend Jayla.
She's black.
She'll vouch for me.
JAYLA [OVER PHONE.]
: You have reached Damn it.
Okay, her phone's off.
It's fine.
It's totally fine.
I'm gonna go get her.
Okay.
Wait, is that your phone? CINDY: Oh, my God.
It is.
[LAUGHS.]
: Baby took your damn phone.
Girl, I'm sorry.
I was tripping.
Nah, it's all good.
I do steal a lot, so I get it.
And I totally would've taken your phone if I had the chance.
Hard work, taking no days off I'm a boss I am so glad you came.
I never have fun at these things.
- [GIGGLES.]
- STEVE: Harold.
- It's good to see you.
- Hey, man, how are you? Uh, Steve owns an Applebee's in Miami.
- Ah.
- This is my girlfriend, Jayla.
[EXHALES.]
: Hi! I'm his girlfriend, Jayla.
[LAUGHS.]
- How's business? - I heard corporate is discontinuing the Neighborhood Nachos.
Don't remind me.
You know, they have some nerve Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.
I have to use the ladies' room.
[LAUGHS.]
- Move! [YELLS.]
- Oh, there you are.
Thank God! Get your ass out of here.
You boogie to the right, then you boogie to the left Bunny hop, then bend yo knees, do a slide, no time for rest One more slide and then you shimmy Looking good, girl.
[LAUGHS.]
Get it, Becky.
What? Becky? I-I I'm-I'm not a Becky.
I'm not white.
Uh, my mom's black.
Yeah, and my daddy's George Washington.
[LAUGHS.]
- Yeah, one time - Take a break - Take a break - Rev it up - Rev it up - Then make it shake.
What the hell are you doing here?! Dude, Erica started a full-on race war at Chunky Sunday.
You need to get down there now and tell everyone I'm not racist so we can twerk and have a bomb-ass Sunday - like we always do.
- This is all in your head.
Nobody thinks you're a racist redneck.
Why would they? I mean, you sound hella ignorant right now, but you ain't racist.
Right? No, of course not.
You're my best friend, and I would die for you.
And, honestly, I like black people better than white people.
They're cooler, they have better barbecues, they dance better.
I love James Harden and Nicki Minaj.
God, I love Nicki Minaj so much.
And I was super sad when Prince died.
Um, okay Wow.
You're right.
I'm definitely not racist.
Oh, my God, I feel so much better.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
All right, good.
Now get the hell out of here before somebody sees me talking to a two-dollar hoe in the bathroom.
Yeah, I could see that.
- Yeah.
- [GRUNTS.]
Okay, bye.
Thank you.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- Hey, Harold is looking for you.
- Hey.
Oh, my boyfriend is so protective.
He's my boyfriend now.
He just said it out there.
Well, he said I'm his girlfriend, which means he my boyfriend.
Look at me, rambling on about my boyfriend.
Oh, I'm so happy for you.
And at least Harold has the decency to take off his wedding ring around you.
I keep telling Arnie, "If you're gonna introduce me as your girlfriend, take off your damn wedding ring.
" We don't want the whole world knowing that we're dating married guys, right? [CHUCKLES.]
Anyway, I'll see you out there.
He's married? Someone better move Bitch, I'm coming through Can you excuse us, please? Are you married? Listen [CHUCKLES.]
You stupid coward! For months, you've been wasting my damn time! Do you know how embarrassing that is? Screw this place, and screw you! WOMAN: Ooh! Guess what.
I ain't like y'all! I don't own some wack-ass chain restaurant, and I ain't some dumb-ass flight attendant! Girl, I am so sorry.
I don't know why I dragged you into this.
You cute.
You fine.
But the rest of y'all, I don't like y'all.
Standing around all damn day complaining about everything.
This Marriott is lit.
And those sliders was bomb as hell.
And screw those tiny-ass purses with no straps on 'em.
Holding 'em all day like a bunch of fools.
Juicy J! Yeah! Yo, what are you doing here? What's wrong? You were right.
Harold never took me seriously.
He's married.
I was just his beautiful side piece.
What the hell are you doing sitting here? We got to go key his car, man.
I thought of that.
But after a car goes through the valet, I don't know what happens to it.
Oh, yeah.
Me, either.
Uh, w-well, can I at least go spit in his face? Nah.
I already did that.
You want to go twerk? Yeah.
Hey, what's up? Why are you over here by yourself? Why are you asking? Because I'm your mother and I want to make sure you all right.
Okay, fine, I need five bucks.
They said I was cutting clubs and then playing them.
Can you believe that? - Were you? - Of course not.
I was hiding them.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay.
Come on.
What's going on? I don't know.
Sometimes it's hard being half-black.
You know, 'cause 'cause half my family is black, but I never feel like I'm part of your group.
Oh, my God.
I can't even hear this tragic mulatto mess.
Aw, poor little half-white girl.
- Oh, my God.
- Come on.
You should thank God that you are not part of my group.
'Cause you know what happens to my group? I got thrown in jail for falling asleep in the library.
A security guard tackled me at the Gap because the woman forgot to take the sensor off my shirt.
I just heard a white girl thought a black man's spatula was a gun.
Okay, okay, okay.
Never mind.
I get it.
Here.
Thank you, baby.
But hey, don't worry about being part of my group.
You got your own group.
Those dumb-ass shady friends of yours.
[RANDI LAUGHS.]
I'm back in! Throw that thing like a tantrum Know you want to put it on me, heard you think I'm handsome Sit it on my lap Hey, what's going on? [CHUCKLING.]
Am I getting weird looks, or is this still just all in my head? - That ain't in your head.
- Damn it.
Ugh, I knew it.
I told you, Jay.
Black people always just assume I'm another Florida racist.
Oh, that ain't it.
Nobody thought you were racist until you accused Earl of having a gun.
He reached into his apron and pulled out a metal object.
Spatulas are metal, guns are metal.
God, Jay, can you please clear this up for us? Yeah, I didn't know you had done all that.
I'm starting to think that maybe you might just be racist.
KAITLIN: Wait, but no.
No.
What about all that stuff I was saying earlier about James Harden and Nicki Minaj and how black people are really cool? Yeah, all that was kind of racist, too.
I was just trying to get you out of the Marriott.
So, what are you saying? I really am just another racist redneck? - And I'm not, right? - Nah, you're cool.
Tight.
So, does this mean I have to leave? What? No.
If we made a big deal about you acting like that, we'd never hang out with white people again.
Wait, most white people act like this? Oh, so I'm fine, then.
That's the wrong takeaway.
SHELBY: Hey.
- What are you doing here? - KAITLIN: There you are! We're all together, and it's Chunky Sunday.
[LAUGHS.]
Let's go twerk.
- Yeah! - [LAUGHS.]
Yeah! Hey.
I am so sorry about her, girl.
She not usually like that.
Actually, she is.
You want to go twerk? Twerk, twerk, twerk Twerk, girl, let me see what you got Twerk, girl, booty rocking the yard Twerk, girl, you on top of the shelf Twerk, girl, put that thang on my belt, hey Twerk, twerk, pop it like a lolly Twerk, twerk, all up on your body Twerk, twerk, shawty kinda naughty, gettin' loose You know that caboose bigger than the trolly