Foreign Exchange (2004) s01e03 Episode Script

1
(upbeat pop music)
(light music)
(splashing)
(birds cawing)
- Australia.
I can't believe I'm really here.
- Yeah, well, you are.
- My days in Galway, my
nights in Perth, it's perfect.
- Now look, you can't
do all the traveling.
I mean, I'd like to see Ireland, too.
Look, I discovered the portal,
I should call the shots.
Hannah, are you listening?
Hannah?
- Hannah?
Hannah?
Hannah?
- Mm-hmm?
- Hannah?
- Shh.
- Hannah!
(students giggling)
Silence!
Now, Miss O'Flaherty, where were we?
Oh, yes, I believe you were shushing me.
- Oh, is that where we were?
(upbeat music)
- Would you describe your relationship
with my dad as intoxicating?
- Excuse me?
- Or is it simply unimpeachable?
- What are you reading?
"The Trouble With Men".
I'm not sure you should be reading that.
(whistling)
- Wow, what's the big occasion?
- The big occasion is a family meal.
You've heard of those, right?
- Yeah, they're those things
where everyone sits around
with nothing to say while
I miss the footy on the TV.
- Exactly, and we're having one at seven.
- Why?
- Family bonding, you know, togetherness.
- All right, who's been at my stuff?
Whoever it was better tell me now!
You're only making it worse for yourself.
- Wayne, why is it every
time you lose something,
we get the blame?
- How did you know I
was missing something?
It was you, wasn't it?
- No, you said you had something missing.
- No, I didn't!
- Alright, fellas!
- All I said was who's been at my--
- That's enough.
Wayne, what are you missing?
- My King High.
- You're what?
- It's my aftershave.
- (laughs) What do you
need aftershave for?
- Never you mind.
- It's not like you shave or anything.
- That's my business.
Point is, it's mine and now
it's gone and I want it back!
Get it?
What have you done with it?
- Nothing.
- I know you've got it!
- Break it up, you two!
- I haven't touched your stupid Kung Fu.
- King High!
- Stop it!
I won't have you fighting in my--
(crashing)
- Kitchen.
- Mom, I'm sorry.
It was an accident.
- Yeah and it was his fault.
- What is wrong with you two?
Look at what you've done!
- What's this?
- This is the trouble with men.
(school bell ringing)
(crowd chattering)
- They move quicker for that sports bell
than they do for the fire alarm.
So, Hannah, you've been
upsetting Ms. Langan.
- I didn't mean to, Miss Murphy.
- She may be a little strict,
but she's a good teacher
and we're happy to have her here.
Falling asleep in her
class on her first day
might not be the best way to show it.
- Sorry, Miss Murphy.
- Why were you asleep at
nine o'clock in the morning?
- I--
- [Miss Murphy] Yes?
- I didn't go to bed early enough.
- Well, that's just too bad, Hannah.
We can't have you falling
asleep in class, now, can we?
What sort of example would that set?
No, we'll have to think of something
so that you're tired enough to
go to sleep on time tonight.
- But, Miss
- But, Miss what?
- Actually, that was it.
I didn't think you were
gonna let me get any further.
- Seamus, our caretaker's,
been complaining
about being overworked.
So you could help him with a
little job that needs doing.
- What little job?
- Do you have any idea
how much trouble Jackie
went to before you both ruined everything?
- A lot.
- Probably a lot.
- Probably?
Definitely.
- Alright, definitely a lot.
- And do you know why she
went to all that trouble?
- She was hungry?
- Because she is tired
of all this fighting.
She just wants you both to get along
and this is what she gets in return.
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- It is Jackie you
should be apologizing to.
I don't think this is the best time,
so here is how it's going to be.
You two are going to stay out of her way
for the rest of the afternoon
and at seven o'clock
this evening I want you both sitting down
to dinner the best of friends.
- Oh, Craig, can't we just--
- Best of friends.
(comical music)
- Mr. McCracken, I'm not sure if
I'm the right person for the job.
Um, by the way, what is the job?
- Plumbing trouble.
- Who cares?
Nobody uses this bathroom.
- Is that right?
And this wouldn't be where you lot
dump your porridge, would it?
- (laughs) You know about that?
- Of course, I know.
For as long as this school's existed,
hundreds of little tykes
like you have been pouring
their porridge down the
toilet every morning.
There must be a thousand
gallons of porridge
in these pipes, and now it wants out.
- Out?
- Fermenting sugar and
grain in these quantities?
This bathroom is a time
bomb just waiting to go off.
Wait here while I check it out.
(dramatic music)
(both coughing)
It's a lot worse than I thought.
- Porridge really doesn't
age well, does it?
- Listen to me carefully.
I want you to go to the
storeroom and get me Old Red.
- Old Red?
- A plunger, a very special plunger.
You'll know her when you see her.
Hurry, girl!
- Meredith.
How's Mom?
- Not good.
But Wayne's the one you
should be worried about.
He's blaming you for
taking his aftershave.
- Meredith, I didn't take his aftershave.
- It's okay, Brett, I understand.
It's all here in black and white.
- What is?
- You took it for Hannah, didn't you?
- Who?
- Your Irish girlfriend.
- She's not my girlfriend.
- Typical male, you want to
make an effort for Hannah,
but you're too proud to let her know.
So rather than buy aftershave
yourself you borrow Wayne's.
- She's not my girlfriend
and I'm not trying to impress anyone.
Even if I was I wouldn't do it
by wearing Wayne's stupid Kung Fu.
- King High.
- Whatever.
Listen Meredith, thanks for understanding,
but you don't understand, alright?
I'm just gonna stay out of Wayne's way
and be the perfect son.
So that in years to come,
Mom might forgive me
for destroying her cheesecake.
- I found my--
(grunting)
(bottle crashing)
You moron!
- It was an accident, alright?
- Dead man!
King High!
Come back here!
I'm so gonna murder you!
You're so dead!
Run, but you can't hide, moron!
(comical music)
(whooshing)
(suspenseful music)
(girls chattering)
(girls chattering)
- Is there something wrong?
(magical music)
Well?
- Sorry?
- Is there something wrong with it
or do you always look at walls like that?
- Um, that's a, um, that's
a very good question.
- Are you waiting for someone?
- Uh, yeah, actually, um, I am.
- Who?
- Who?
- Who are you waiting for?
- Um, as a matter of fact, I'm
waiting--
- Brett?
- [Brett] Hannah!
- What are you doing here?
- I should have known he
was one of your friends.
- He's not my friend.
- Nice to see you, too.
- Well, if he's not a friend
what's he doing here, then?
- He's
New and he's lost.
Here, let me help you find your way.
- Whoever he is, keep him on a leash.
Will you?
- Who is she?
- Tara, my roommate.
- You reckon you could um,
you know, introduce me to her?
Properly.
- Do you have any idea how much trouble
I could get into just by your being here?
- I'm sorry, but staying
home was not an option.
I broke Wayne's Kung Fu and
things were about to get ugly.
- What?
- Long story.
- I don't wanna know.
Why are you here?
- See Ireland, of course.
- You know, you can't just drop in
and wander around
whenever you feel like it.
- Why not?
- In case you haven't
noticed, this is a school
and trespassers will be arrested.
Now I'm in enough trouble
as it is without having
to deal with you, so, come on!
- Whoa, whoa, where we going?
- To get you out of the way while
I finish the job I'm supposed to do.
- (laughs) Is that why
you're dressed like that?
- Yes and I thank you to keep
any comments to yourself.
- I wasn't gonna say a word.
Honest!
(rock music)
- [Wayne] You seen him?
- Who?
- Brett!
When I find him I'm gonna
Actually I don't know what I'm gonna do,
but it's gonna be nasty.
- Where is he?
- Chased him down to his
room but he shoved through.
(laughs) Disappeared out the window.
- Males don't disappear,
Wayne, they run away.
- What?
- A boy in love is a crazy creature.
- You're off your tree.
- Am I?
Brett's gone.
Why would he stick around
to be bullied by you
when he could be in the arms
of the girl that he loves?
- What?
- Brett's run away and it's your fault.
(tense music)
- Look, if it's all too difficult now,
why don't we just go
back down to the sauna
and I'll go back through the portal?
- There's a whole girls' sports team
taking showers down there.
- They're still down there?
Guys only take like two
minutes in the shower.
- And that's why they smell.
Okay, the girls' showers will
be empty in about 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, you're gonna stay here!
If anyone asks, you're, you're waiting
to collect a parcel to take to town.
- Okay, um, who from?
- What?
- Who am I waiting for?
To give me the parcel?
Look, if we're going to
go to all this trouble
to invent an excuse, we
should make it foolproof.
- If anyone asks, which they
won't, just say it's from me!
- Okay, fine.
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Do guys really smell?
(rock music)
(crowd chattering)
- Hey, you don't really
think he nicked off, do you?
- Oh, that's so sweet, Wayne.
You're really worried about him.
- I'm not worried about Brett.
But if he really has run away and Dad
and Jackie find out then
they're gonna murder me.
If they got that upset over
a salmon mousse and a cheesecake.
Oh man, they're gonna kill me!
(light music)
- Oh, don't worry about me.
Take your sweet time, missy.
How was your holiday?
- Sorry, Mr. McCracken.
- Oh, no problem, it gave me a chance
to write that novel I'd always planned.
- I brought Old Red.
- Well, that's something, I suppose.
After you.
(dramatic music)
(light jazz music)
(girls groaning)
- These are the best abs exercises ever!
- This is agony!
- Abs are the one set of muscles
that need constant attention.
Miss two days and it's hello, flab.
You're unbelievable,
spying on us like that!
- I wasn't I just heard the music and--
- What are you doing here, anyway?
- Um, I'm waiting for Hannah.
But I'm going--
- Hang on a minute.
Just how do you know Hannah?
- It's a long story.
- I have time.
- Um, well, it just
happened like lightning.
- What did?
- Eh?
- Excuse me!
Are you a student here?
- Uh, no, not exactly.
- Then may I ask what you're doing?
- That's exactly what I
was asking, Ms. Langan.
- Shouldn't you be on
your way to study, Tara?
Girls!
- [Girls] Yes, Ms. Langan.
- Yes?
- Um, well, I'm waiting for a parcel.
- Shouldn't you be at the office?
- The office?
- I'd have thought that's
the appropriate place
to receive a parcel.
- Um, well, you see, it's a
special kind of personal pickup.
- From whom, exactly?
- Actually, it's from Hannah.
- Oh, Hannah O'Flaherty?
- Yeah, yeah, Hannah O'Flaherty.
You know her?
- Indeed, I do.
In fact, I think it might be
a good idea if we go and find her.
- Uh, that's not necessary.
- Oh, I think it is.
Come along.
(toilet gurgling)
- Eww!
- This is an even bigger
job than I imagined.
- That is disgusting!
I'm never eating porridge again.
- We need more firepower.
Stay here.
I'm going to get Big Bertha.
Good day, Ms. Langan.
- Miss O'Flaherty!
I believe this belongs to you.
- Everything alright, Ms. Langan?
- Well, it would appear
that Miss O'Flaherty
has brought an uninvited
friend to the school.
- Hannah, is this true?
- Look, this is all just a silly mix-up.
There's a perfectly good explanation.
Isn't there, Hannah?
(comical music)
- Right, yeah.
This is Brett and he's Australian.
- Yes?
- And he's--
- Yes?
- He's, he's an exchange student.
- Yeah, I mean, I am.
- Really, with which school?
- Uh, it's in Perth, western Australia.
You wouldn't have heard of it.
- Which school here?
- Oh, one of the trade schools in town.
The thing is he's looking
for work experience
as part of his studies in Australia.
And well, I thought it
would be a good idea,
since Mr. McCracken is so overworked,
if, if he helped out here.
- What?
- It's a nice thought, Hannah,
but we just can't afford it.
- Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
He'll do it for free.
- What?
- Well, if it's alright
with Mr. McCracken.
Ms. Langan.
- Alright?
It's absolutely marvelous!
Let's start you off on
two half-days a week.
How does that sound?
- It's better than three.
- What trades are you studying, exactly?
Carpentry, plumbing, electrics?
- Oh, you know, bits and pieces.
- And all-rounder, that's
exactly what we need.
And where will you be staying?
- Uh, the hostel.
- Which hostel would that be?
- The uh, the one down the road.
- You don't mean O'Houlihan's?
- I think it's near there.
- As long as you're settled.
Now, let's get you to work.
- Today?
- This is your lucky break, my boy.
I'll teach you everything I know.
(groaning)
- What's going on?
- Nothing, we're just setting the table.
- That's what I mean.
What is going on?
- Craig, don't be so suspicious.
It's very good of them.
- So, where's Brett?
- I'm sorry, who?
(porridge squishing)
- You're going to really have
to get in there all the way, Brett.
- I'm trying!
- You know, I don't think
anyone has been down
that toilet since, let me see,
must have been around '76.
- Really?
- That's right, yeah,
it would have only been
my second year as a
fully fledged caretaker.
You know, indoor toilets were only brought
in to the school in the late '60s.
- Pass us over that bit of wire, will ya?
- Have you made any progress at all?
Stand back, while I take a look.
(toilet gurgling)
Blaze, we're going to need a
quarter inch spooning node.
Where am I gonna get one of those?
And even if I do, how am I gonna
stop those kids doing it again?
What are you doing?
I need that for--(door slamming)
- Library, the one sign at school
that is guaranteed to stop kids' entering.
- Nobody will ever go in there again.
- I think that wraps the job up nicely.
- I'm going to enjoy working with you.
(toilet gurgling)
- Which we can see here
clearly with an experiment
to show the reaction of
an acid with a metal.
In the flask we have hydrochloric acid.
An indicator gives it a yellow color
indicating that it is an acid.
- Can't bear to spend another second apart
from your mystery man, can you?
- He is not my mystery man.
- Yes, Miss O'Flaherty?
- I, I was just saying,
you've lifted the mystery, ma'am.
- Thank you, Hannah.
I'm pleased to see we've
communicated at last.
- Did you know Seamus was born here?
The McCracken family have been looking
after this place for hundreds of years.
- Don't I know it.
- He's a top bloke, we really hit it off.
- Oh, and I'm happy for both of you.
Then let's just get you out of here
so I never have to go through that again.
- It's too late for that.
Me and Seamus have got
big plans for this place.
- Are you crazy?
You can't take that job,
you'll never get away with it!
- It'll be a cinch.
It's the perfect cover for me
for whenever I want to come to Ireland.
- You don't mean that.
- Think, Hannah.
Now we can both get to the bottom
of this whole portal mystery.
Together.
- Well, there is that.
- And it was all your idea.
Brilliant!
- I guess it might work.
Now that I think about it.
- Hi there, Tara.
Yep, definitely likes me.
- You're wasting your time.
- You reckon you could, um, build me up
a little next time you see her?
You know, tell her what a good friend
I've always been to you.
- Go home, Brett.
- What time is it?
- Lunch time.
- Which means in Perth it's
Oh, no.
(sighing)
I'll see you soon.
- Wait a minute.
When do I get to come to Australia?
- Soon!
- [Hannah] How soon?
- Real soon!
(whooshing)
- Brett!
- I told him seven.
You heard me say seven, right?
- [Jackie] What's going on, guys?
- You better tell them.
- Tell them what?
- Well, it's about Brett.
- [Craig] Yeah?
- What about Brett?
- Maybe Meredith could
explain it a little better.
She's got a book.
- Oh, no, leave me out of this.
I'm only nine.
- Well, uh, he's, he's
- Am I late?
- He's home!
(laughs)
- Get off me!
Thanks, Wayne.
- I'm really pleased to see both
of you making such an effort.
I'm very proud of you both!
- So, Brett, where have
you been all afternoon?
- Nowhere much, just checked out this job.
- Really?
- What sort of job?
- Well, it's not really a job.
It's more like work experience.
- [Jackie] That's terrific!
- Well, it's a long summer.
I mean, you can't just surf all the time.
So I thought I'd try my
hand at a few extra skills.
- That's brilliant,
darling, I'm so impressed!
- So who are you working for?
- Well, I ran into the caretaker down
at the old school and he just needs
a hand for two, three half-days a week.
Well, to start with.
- You said he ran away.
- Don't blame me.
I don't even know if I
should be reading this thing.
(sighing)
(whooshing)
- Miss O'Flaherty.
- Ms. Langan.
Oh, Ms. Langan, wait!
- Busy now, Miss O'Flaherty.
(toilet gurgling)
(Ms. Langan screaming)
(dramatic music)
(light pop music)
(electronic jingle)