Foursome (2016) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Foursome" So, big surprise, Alec is still repelling my prospects, but, silver lining, my foursome is totally squad goals.
They've been having my back in a major way.
Example: Courtney's been around more.
I'm going with it's because she's a pal, and not because there's obvious tension between she and my brother.
Even Josh is covering for me.
He's finally starting to see me as a real person, which is stellar, because "real person" is one step closer to "potential girlfriend.
" Hola, clase.
all: Hola, Professor Tarr.
Okay, okay.
Now as you know, today is partner quiz day.
What you may not know is that I'm terrified of miniature horses.
Absolutely terrified.
[mariachi music.]
Now we have a couple who are going first.
Artura and Jesús.
They have picked husband and wife grocery shopping.
Okay! Huh? Now remember your tenses, take in your titles, take in your surroundings as well.
Okay, guys, ready? Let's go.
Empezar! [applause.]
Come on! [applause continues.]
Um [speaks Spanish.]
Good.
Good effort.
[speaks Spanish.]
Uh-huh.
[speaks Spanish.]
Ahh, steak.
I gave up steak.
I've given up steak.
Um [both speaking Spanish.]
[class gasps and chatters.]
Uh, I need a glass of wine.
Wow.
I did not expect that brother twist.
The jealousy! Whoa! What? He's not even in this class.
Oh, I'm everywhere, Hermanita.
Ah! Did the, "Hermanita.
" - [chuckles.]
- [groans.]
Wow, this is better than "Jane the Virgin.
" [speaks Spanish.]
Good job! [applause.]
- Whoa.
- No, you're good.
- Whoa! Okay.
- [speaks Spanish.]
- Okay.
- [speaks Spanish.]
Okay, okay.
She's gone, okay.
Whoa.
Where's the fire? Oh, no, no.
No fire.
I'm just headed to the bathroom.
Oh, well, I won't stop you.
To check my lip gloss, not to, you know, actually use it.
I know I'm not a mirror, but it looks nice from here.
I mean, it's, you know, it's on your lips.
It's not all over your face.
Oh, yeah, thanks.
Alec: Someone talking to my sister? [laughs.]
- Got ya! - Ah, you did, yeah.
Yo, your faces.
Yo, like I'd be worried about Josh.
No, I know you'd never be DTF with JV.
Varsity only.
Can I get an amen? - JV second string! - [laughs.]
[chanting.]
Freshman bedtime! [clapping rhythmically.]
Freshman bed Court? Courtney! Baby, baby, Courtney! Babe! Babe! Babe! both: Oh, no.
What's wrong? My brother is the worst.
Oh, goodie.
Something new and exciting.
Alec is out of control.
- He showed up in my class today.
- Again? Now Alec is going extra insane because my mom's out of town, and then he embarrassed me in front of Josh and Josh went along with it.
God, I am so sick of guys.
Andie, really? You wouldn't be sick of them if you had none, you greedy bitch.
Kota, is there something you want to talk about? Um, I'm going through a little bit of a dry spell, and, um, I'm finding it very difficult to accept, okay? Really? That sounds like we need a guys-free night.
And this is perfect 'cause my mom's out of town, so we can totally have a slumber party! Okay, yes, super.
I'm in.
Oh, not me.
What? Why? Um, because, you know, my mom, you know, doesn't like me to sleep out and she just, like, always likes to know where I'm at, and, you know, she's, like, really overprotective.
- Hello? - And she thinks I have - an allergy to down comforters - Hi, Mrs.
Hillenshine.
Is it okay if Imogen sleeps over tonight? Awesome.
Thank you.
Okay.
I've never been to a co-ed sleepover before.
Alec lives with you, and what if he, like, sleepwalks and then has, like, a wet dream inside of me? "Well, Imogen's pregnant.
" I don't think that's how it works, no.
I don't think that's how that works.
And I know the tricks people play on each other at sleepovers and I want no part of it! Now listen to me.
I've had a lousy day and I need my friends all of my friends, Imogen to come over tonight and do facemasks and giggles.
It's gonna be a fun night, damn it! I mean, I already said yes.
I mean, I'm free as a bird, so Great.
Okay, um, you guys, I got no reply to my Scratch on ManKitty, and, um, no response to my three Stubble - oh, my God! - What? What What's happened? There is someone 20 feet away - from me on ManKitty.
- So? So that means I don't recognize this name.
It's, like, "Doctor Saltzman.
" I don't know.
This person is totally Clark Kenting.
That means they have a fake name.
I mean, I have one too.
I mean, I'm Jaguar Tinsel.
Look, I know everyone at Brayer's ManKitty alias, which means this guy is a stranger.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God.
Which means he is still in the closet! No, uh, wait.
I thought that was a bad thing.
No, he likes to hook up with the closeted high schoolers.
Oh, my holy grail! Joe Herman.
No way! Like, Joe Herman? The swimmer Joe Herman? He's gay? That is right.
[gasps.]
I'm gonna message him right now.
[typing clacks.]
Ah! Look.
Instant reply.
Ha! The date is on.
See, my date with him isn't till 10:00.
So what I'm gonna do is, you know, hang around with you guys, drink all of your brother's booze, and then later on, let the doctor check my temperature.
Perfect.
So we're all in.
Wait.
Where is Courtney? Courtney? We gonna talk about what happened? Nothing happened.
You know, last night, when we I don't know what you mean.
Look, Courtney, please.
I'm not happy about this either, okay? I just I think we just need to both just say it out loud.
I can't.
I won't.
- Please go.
- Fine, fine.
I'll say it.
I'll say it.
Uh, here we go.
Uh, last night, we I, uh, I slipped [echos.]
Into your butt! [all gasp.]
Well, it was dark! She was lubed up! - I didn't know where I was going! - You can tell the difference! Okay, I feel so bad, baby.
I should have let you bidet, huh? Yeah, a gentlemen always lets his woman bidet.
Shh! I'm late for ass.
[gasps.]
I mean class.
Bye, Court! I love you, babe! [rock music.]
[screams.]
[door opens.]
- Hey, you guys.
- Weird.
I was literally just asking where you were.
Anyway, we're having a girls' night at my place tonight.
You in? Uh, girls' night means no boys, right? Like, no Alec or whatever? Yeah, no Alec.
He's a boy.
Yeah, definitely.
And he's being so annoying today.
He totally embarrassed me in front of Jo Ring! Ring! Hello? - Who is it? - Wrong number.
- Yeah, wrong number, yeah.
- Wrong number, yeah.
- Wrong number.
- I hate that.
Yeah, so annoying.
Anyway, what's going on with you and my brother? [laughs.]
Nothing.
You know, we're fine.
Hmm.
I don't want to talk about it, okay? Courtney, chill out.
I'll just tell him to go sleep at Josh's tonight.
And if he's still there by the time you get here, I'll I'll just sneak you in the back door.
Front door! Front door only.
Okay.
So it's on? Girls' night! - [weakly.]
Woo-hoo.
- [weakly.]
Yay.
I'm a boy, but I'll be there.
[rock music.]
- Oh.
- Pay attention, man.
- I'm playing alone here.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I must have been distracted by the cheerleader doing the splits while eyeballing your balls.
Mmm.
She's so hot! Yo, why aren't you tapping that, man? [mouthing silently.]
I want you.
I mean, she's really hot, man, but she's, you know, probably high maintenance or something.
- You hanging out with Courtney? - Whoa.
Wait.
Why you mentioning Courtney? Did she say something? You know, man, I don't know what's going on with her lately.
- She's probably all hormoned up.
- All right, I didn't I don't know what she's talking about lately.
I didn't talk to Courtney, no.
You seem you seem pretty pretty tweaky.
- You all right? - Yeah.
I mean, no, yeah.
I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
I just I think I'm on chick overload lately, man.
You know, between my mom, Andie, Courtney, I need a break, you know? Oh, yo, that's right! My mom's out of town, dog.
You should come over tonight.
We can game it up.
Boys' night! Boys' night! - Andie gonna be there? - I don't know.
Who cares? If she is, we can lock her in her room or send her to our Mormon neighbor's house.
Cool, man.
Yeah, I'll be over at 10:00.
I'll get my brother to get us some beer or something.
Alec.
Oh, that's that's gross, man.
I'll catch you later.
Oh, nice boner.
[giggles.]
Party animal All night till the sun comes up Alec: Beer! Josh: Pizza! Alec: Man pants! Josh: Video games! Alec: Karen! [record scratch.]
What do you want to do with Karen? I don't know.
both: Boys' night! [both laugh.]
Party animal Andie: Face masks! Courtney: "Cosmo"! Dakota: Nail polish! [chainsaw buzzes.]
- [record scratch.]
- Chainsaw! all: Girls' night! [cheering.]
Party animal All night till the sun comes up Party animal [grunts.]
Boys' night! Aah! [overlapping chatter.]
[bleep.]
.
[dramatic western music.]
[wind howling.]
That a tumbleweed? We're having a girls' night.
Leave.
We are having a dude chill.
No one wants you here, you frickin' tampon.
Alec, I texted you to sleep at Josh's.
Oh, well, I have your number blocked.
Okay, well, there are more of us, Alec.
Oh, hey, that's a good point.
You know, maybe I'll call Mom and tell her just how many of you there are.
Alec, just just let 'em hang out with us.
No, no, Josh, let me finish.
Let me finish.
Remember her rule, little sister.
More than two makes a party.
Okay, well, you know, I better be getting home 'cause I don't want to stick around and get, you know, slapped with a fish or whatever.
- Okay, bye! - I'll give you a ride.
No, no, baby, baby, don't go.
Um, listen.
- Don't manhandle me, Alec! - I'm sorry.
Uh, I know I told you I wouldn't bring up.
You are bringing it up right now.
Like, literally right now, Alec, you're bringing it up.
- Mm-hmm, I know.
- Ugh! - Let's go! - No, no, no, no, no! We'll play you for the living room.
- Us four against you two.
- Mm-hmm.
And I'll play referee because I'm the best at everything and I just feel like picking teams would just be so unfair.
[sighs.]
Well, thank God I Googled some helpful hints.
[rock music fanfare.]
Rule number one for sleepover success: stay awake.
- Ugh! - Oh, wow.
Tonight's about to get real weird.
We pick the game.
Are You Nervous? And we pick Imogen.
[scoffs.]
Fine.
Rule number two for sleepover success: layer up.
Limited access to your brassiere.
No one wants to see your brassiere.
I do.
Game on, Imogen.
[stopwatch ticking.]
It's kind of hot, don't you think? Is it is it getting hot in here, Imogen? Do you feel kind of hot, Imogen? [suspenseful music.]
- I'm nervous! - Yes! Mark it on the board, Dakota.
- First point, gentlemen.
- I already did.
I mean, as soon as y'all picked Imogen, I already knew to automatically give y'all a point.
Imogen, are you sure you want to do that? Those make you kind of crazy.
Yes, I'm sure, Andie.
I'm not gonna be the first person to fall asleep.
Rule number three for sleepover success: charge yourself like a battery.
People fear energy.
[grunts.]
She's got a point.
She's definitely scaring me.
All right, girls, you're up.
We choose Flip Cup! Courtney, WTF? We're playing against two dudes.
You should've chose, like, Shopping Insanity or something.
[scoffs.]
A of all, that's sexist.
And B of all, I'm in college.
I major in all things beer.
I have a drinking problem.
[laughs.]
Big mistake, ladies.
Andie, beer, kitchen, now.
I can I can help you carry those.
Oh, no, you don't have to.
I can get it.
I mean, unless you want to.
- Oh.
- Whatever you want.
Whatever I want is that an offer? - Mm, yes.
- Andie! Beer! Now! Classic rules: two people per team, six cups, three beers.
Hmm, sorry, Imogen.
Oh, no, it's cool.
I'm just gonna lay here and play Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board by myself.
Ahh.
Light as a feather, stiff as a board, light as a feather, stiff as a board - That's weird.
- I'm uncomfortable.
Okay, everybody, lock eyes.
[tense music.]
Longer Longer Longer Longer - Come on! - Dakota, seriously [overlapping shouting.]
O-okay, go! Come on, Andie, let's go, go, go.
No, drink, Josh, drink! - All right, all right.
- Chug, chug, chug.
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Yes! Flip! [all shouting.]
Okay, really gentle, like you're massaging it [indistinct chatter.]
- Go, go, go! - Go, go, go, go, flip! Oh, God.
Just pick it up.
Andie, you suck at so many things.
- Boom! - [laughs.]
- [indistinct chatter.]
- Yeah! Uh-oh, Josh, looks like we're catching up.
Guess it's whatever I want.
Now.
What are you talking about? Are you getting drunk off of half a beer? Put it down, Andie! - Alec - What, no, no, no, no.
Drunk girls are loose.
Go play Make Pretend with Imogen.
No, Alec, Alec, Alec It's cool, man.
It's us.
All right, it's better this happens here than at some party with random guys.
Fine, fine, but this is a one time only special, 'cause I am such a nice big brother.
Get it, girl! Unh! G-g-g-g-game on [rock music.]
Go! [overlapping chatter and cheers.]
- Come on, Courtney, yes! - Yes! - Aah! - Oh! Come on, Courtney.
Come on, Court, come on, Court.
Come on, Courtney! Really just get under the bottom of it.
Bounce with your knees, not your butt.
Oh, you gotta flip it from the bottom.
You touch the bottom.
- I slipped.
- Ugh! I'll just sneak you in the back door.
Get underneath the bottom of it, come on.
That's it! Okay, fine! Alec slipped it into my butt What? [groans.]
Courtney Guess what, you guys? I liked it.
[gasps.]
I really liked it.
You you did? Yeah.
I did.
Oh, my God, you're so hot right now.
[grunts.]
We forfeit.
Girls win.
Come here, baby.
[both moaning.]
Oh, my God, ew.
[romantic music swells.]
I love it when you tell me what to do.
Okay I hate to pull the referee card, guys, but it is my job to insist we finish this thing.
All right, so boys won Are You Nervous? And girls won Flip Cup.
So I suggest Foot Race.
Uh, no, Josh is obviously gonna win, and I've had a little too much to drink.
The rules are, you must run from outside your house to the bus stop, but Only in your undies.
- What? - Yeah, I'm game if you are.
I mean, yeah, yeah, that's that's cool, whatever.
All right.
Let's go.
Oh, my gosh.
- What are you doing? - You a favor! You're delusional.
He's not interested.
Well, I guess we have to find out, don't we.
Let's see your undies.
- No, stop - [gasps.]
Andie, is that a teal training bra? It was supposed to be a girls night.
Just go, just go change, okay? Okay.
[phone vibrating.]
Ooh oh.
Oh, hey, Joe Herman.
[chuckles.]
Holy grail! Foot race.
From here to that side and back.
The only rule is - There are no rules.
- [laughing.]
Hey! Cheater! Oh! Oh, my God, are you okay? Oh, ow.
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Even though tonight was supposed to be a girls night, it was actually, like, super fun.
Like, super fun.
I had I had a lot of fun.
Yeah, I had fun too.
I don't know if I'm saying this because I drank too much, but if I puke, it'll be totally worth it, right? Not that puking's fun, but tonight was fun, and did I mention I had fun? - Dude, do you need to puke? - No, I mean, I just probably shouldn't have drank on a school night, and Alec's making me fail Spanish as it is, and I just Andie, just just take a breath.
- Okay? - Right.
Sorry.
I'm glad that we didn't bro out tonight either, you know? You know, it's kind of cool that you and I are you know, becoming such Uh, f-friends.
Um, last one to the house has to buy a pizza.
I am gonna puke.
[quiet pop music.]
If you empty your soul Till all that's left is a hole Then fill it with hope and belief And wait till the stars Reveal the light from the dark And magic if you want to believe [laughs.]
Amateur.
And leave the ground beneath our feet You'll see Just follow me And we will float together at light speed [groans.]
[sighs.]
Damn it.
["Take Me Away" by Clooney.]
Hey! I'm out walking minding my business When a guy struts by What? Who the hell is this? Some a tall cool breeze Greek isle Adonis And I turn my feet I gotta get on this Stop right there 'cause I'm hitching a ride I got a fill of this town and I'm ready to fly You look like a boy who could show me the sights You got a first class ticket and a look in your eye You take me away You take me away And you blow my mind more than a little bit So damn fine love every minute So take me away yeah, take me away Show me something make it good I got a one way trip, boy, starting with you So let's go come on Take me away Let's go Come on I'll do what you say Let's go come on I don't know your name Let's go, yeah I want you anyway Hey! You're a dream You're a scene A for real Roman Holiday Jimmy Dean, Steve McQueen A fast getaway Cherry bomb, firecracker spark Gonna turn down the lights You can glow in the dark