Gamer's Guide To Pretty Much Everything (2015) s01e03 Episode Script
The Puddin' Party
Here's your order, and here's your check.
- Uh how's my crab burger? - Mmm.
Really good.
You're gonna love it.
We are 60 bucks closer to going to Game-Con.
I just sold an autographed pair of my gaming underpants.
Ew.
Who would buy those? Well, you can check another item off my bucket list.
You know this makes us undie buddies.
- We're brief bros! We're tighty - No, no, no.
We're none of those things.
Let me add my tips.
I got nine bucks.
But that includes this five-dollar bill from that cheap fisherman.
Five dollars is a great tip.
Why do you call him cheap? That's why.
I still can't believe we're going to go to Game-Con.
The biggest gaming convention in the world! I wonder how Wendell did with his kissing booth.
Comin' through! The money-back guarantee was a bad idea.
[tablet chimes, pony sounds.]
Yes! I got a puddin' pony bonus, which means I'm goin' to Tapioca Town.
Whoo! Uh, whatcha playin'? Only the hottest new game on the digital market.
Puddin' Party.
Dude, that game is for babies and soccer moms! You want me to get you a diaper and/or a minivan? Mom already rocks a minivan, and I gave up diapers over a year ago.
Okay, Franklin, that's what you call a casual game.
And we have our pro cards now.
If you play it, you play it alone.
In your bathroom.
Behind the shower curtain.
- With the windows shut.
- Shield your shame, boy! The only shame I feel is when Nana Butterscotch catches me eating out of her puddin' pot.
Oh, boy.
Okay, that's it! You are not getting this back until we wash the filthy casual out of you.
All right, guys, let's go deposit this money in our Pay Buddy account.
Don't even think about it.
You disgust me.
Pfff.
This game is so dumb! All you do is match three puddings? Oh, double bonus.
That's pretty cool.
Uh, little busy, hon.
[title music.]
1x03 - The Puddin' Party Fetal pig dissection day is awesome.
- Check out this red stretchy thing.
- Stop stretching on the intestines! I promised myself I wouldn't lose my lunch this year.
Its guts are so stretchy.
I wonder how far they can I told you not to stretch it! I told you! Oh, what happened to you? You look like you haven't slept in days.
- You've got some serious robe gap.
- Yeah.
- How about a little courtesy cinch? - I'm feeling fine, guys.
I'm ready to dive right into this pig.
Here comes the horking.
[shrieks.]
Gamers, here's how to tell there's something wrong with your teammate.
He falls asleep on a fetal pig for two hours, he blows off gaming practice, and he loses interest in the things he loves.
How did you even get in there? It's the curse of narrow butt syndrome.
Hey, Franklin.
The Wendell I know would've made a whole series of Twine videos entitled "Butt Struggles.
" [gaming sounds.]
Wendell? [hisses.]
The light, the light! Wendell, what the heck is wrong with you? - You've been missing gaming practice.
- I've been sick.
My aunt died.
I have scabies.
My grandma ate my homework! - What were you doing with your phone? - Phone? What phone? I don't have a phone.
You're a phone! Nana Butterscotch loves you.
Now who wants puddin'? - Puddin' Party! - That's right.
I play it, and I love it! I'm already up to level 273.
Who am I hurting, huh?! Who am I hurting?! You're hurting yourself.
You're losing control of your life, and ignoring your friends.
Friends I don't need friends.
I've got Nana Butterscotch.
She doesn't judge me like you.
Now get out! I'm going to the bathroom.
- Is that a litter box? - I said get out.
[hisses.]
Whoa! Ew! Whoa! Guys, Wendell's hooked on Puddin' Party, and it's bad.
Look.
[both.]
Ew! - Why is he using a litter box? - And why did you take a picture of it? That's the problem with Puddin' Party.
For some it's the party that never ends.
[sighs.]
Well, you play it.
How come you don't have a problem? Because I've got willpower and self-control.
I'm a man.
Plus my Mommy won't let me buy any extra lives! Wait.
You have to buy extra lives? But Wendell's been playing for days.
That must've cost him a fortune.
- Where'd he get that kind of money? - That is a mystery.
[text alerts chiming.]
It's a Pay Buddy alert.
Someone withdrew all the Game-Con money from our account! - I wonder who that was! - Huh.
One mystery at a time, guys! I'm here for the Puddin' Pals party! Where do I sign up for the free lives?! Okay, Wendell, Wendell, this is an intervention, okay? Come on.
Take a seat.
Man what's going on? You're not a Puddin' Pal.
I want my Nana! Calm down, calm down.
She's right here.
Not my dried-up old craggly faced Nana.
- I want my sweet Nana Butterscotch.
- Give Give me that.
Wendell, buddy.
We're here because we care about you.
So we're all gonna go around the room and each say one thing that we love about you.
I'll go first.
You are so - Uh, Ashley, why don't you go first? - Okay.
Wendel I'd just like to say you stole our Game-Con money, you thief! [shrieks.]
Ashley, Ashley.
Sit, sit.
You know what? She's right.
I did take the money.
But you three still cared enough to come down here to help me.
[sniffles.]
There's just one thing I have left to say.
See ya, suckers! [laughter.]
I locked the doors.
How is this supposed to make me stop playing Puddin' Party? Every time you reach for your phone to play, I'm gonna hit this button and you're gonna feel a slight tingle.
[zap!.]
Ow, dude! That is not a slight tingle! - Are you sure this collar is safe? - If it wasn't safe, they wouldn't use it to train wild bears.
[grunting.]
I didn't even reach for it that time! - Yeah, but you were thinking about it.
- Give me that! - I can't feed myself any more of this.
- Tough taquitos! You agreed to eat pudding until you want nothing to do with that pudding game ever again.
Right.
I'll try.
I can't.
I shouldn't have eaten so much of this.
Oh, no.
The little baby doesn't feel so good? Which one did you like? The chocolate? [stomach rumbling.]
- Ohh - Or the banana cream? [rumbling.]
Or could it be the tapioca? [big rumbling.]
Well, apparently it was the tapioca.
All right, Wendell, you're not crying and shaking as much, so I'd say you're doing great.
In fact, you're doing so great, that we've arranged for a little surprise.
Nana Butterscotch? I've always wanted to meet you! These people have been so mean to me.
[sobbing.]
Go to Nana, Wendell.
She has something for you.
[sobbing.]
Nana Why, Nana, why?! Hey, guys, I wanna thank you for helping me get my life back on track.
We're all proud of you.
You hit bottom not sleeping, not bathing, having to go to the bathroom in a litter box.
I've always used a litter box.
I've got four sisters and one bathroom.
My Dad has to shave in the bird bath.
Now that Billy's given me this job, I'm gonna make all our money back and get our team to Game-Con.
- Cool.
Have you gotten any tips? - Five dollars and 42 cents.
- Forty-two cents.
- Way to go, Wendell.
Hey, we'll get our money back in no time! [chuckles.]
We're never getting our money back.
Wendell really punched the pooch on this one.
Well, I cleaned all the Puddin' Party stuff out of his room.
Look at all this junk he spends our money on.
Puddin' Party dolls, Puddin' Party crayons, Puddin' Party bubble bath? [scoffs.]
It's so lame! Yeah.
Totally lame.
I'll just put this stuff in my backpack, and throw it all away later when you guys aren't around.
Check this out.
A Puddin' Party tournament! Ha! How desperate do you have to be to go to that?! I know.
Wait, listen.
"First prize wins 1,000 bucks.
" [uproarious laughter.]
That would be enough to get us to Game-Con.
I know! Lame.
Wait.
That'd be enough to get us to Game-Con.
[gasps.]
And only one of us has played enough Puddin' Party to win that tournament.
Hey, guys, thanks again.
Now remember, if we wanna get to Game-Con, we've gotta ease Wendell back into the Puddin' Party so we can win the thousand bucks.
Oh! Here comes Wendell! Be cool.
Hey, cool, we're just being Wendell.
- You guys done with your gator tots? - Uh we just ate 'em, but we won't be done with 'em for a week.
Am I right? [forced laughter.]
Good times with good friends.
[stilted.]
Hey, Ashley, what is that you are reading? It's the Puddin' Party flyer we were just talking about! Remember the whole tricking Wendell thing? [chuckles.]
Oh, I get it.
This is a test.
But you don't have to worry.
- I will never play that game again.
- Okay, don't say never.
No one says never anymore.
The new "never" is "one more time.
" Like, say Saturday the 19th 3:00 at the Civic Center.
Yeah.
That's a great, totally random idea! [scoffs.]
Sorry.
Not interested.
I'm on the straight and narrow.
Listen up, you sad sack of hammers.
You took our money, and now you're gonna win it back.
You have one talent, and this is it, so it's time to put it up, pal! No, I am not going to do it! There's nothing that you can say or do that will change my [hisses.]
One more time couldn't hurt.
All right, look at this.
It's just kids.
This is gonna be a piece of cake.
Right, Wendell? Uh, Wendell? He tried making a run for it in the parking lot, - but I got him.
- Take this thing off of me.
I'm not a dog.
And where's that sausage treat you promised me? All right, Wendell, we just need you to bring everything you got one last time - and then you can retire forever.
Come on.
- Hey, guys.
- Here to register a child? - Uh, yes, his name is Wendell Ruckus, and he is totally potty-trained.
If you have a litter box.
Hello there, Wendell.
When we take our juice break, what flavor would you like, little fella? [chuckles.]
Excuse me! I'm 14 years old, man! I'll take a sunny berry blast.
- And I may need help with the straw! - Okay He gets cranky when he skips his nap.
Okay, Puddin' players, [chuckles.]
let's get ready to stir it up! [buzzer sounds.]
What's wrong with him? He's not even looking at the game! Wendell was pathetic.
He was a shell of his former self, and that prize money was as good as gone.
Why? Because we broke him like this fragile piggy bank.
Okay, the point is, we broke Wendell! And now, we had to figure out how to fix him.
[piggy bank shatters.]
Oh, really?! [buzzer sounds.]
Okay, Puddin' players, that's the end of round one, and it looks like our leader is little Tina Kelly.
Huh? Whoo, Tina! Eeeeh! I did it, I did it! I wrecked all those scrubs! - We're never gonna get to Game-Con.
- This is embarrassing.
Can I get a little help with this straw? These are plain corn doodlers.
I wanted cheddar.
Get it right, Deborah! That's it! I know how to get Wendell back.
Uh, excuse me.
Tina? Hi.
I just wanted to say good luck.
I don't need good luck.
I'm the best player here.
Well, uh, that's not what the gamer over there said.
- That walking zit bag? - That's the one.
He also said you're an overrated try-hard.
- Whatever that means.
- What?! Hold my doodlers, Deborah.
So I hear you're throwin' mad shade, grandpa.
- I'm sorry.
Who are - I'm Tina, and I'm this many years old, and I'm gonna crush you like the cockroach you are! Gamers, one thing you should know about Wendell is he feeds on trash talk.
You see, he's a classic troll.
And you never troll a troll.
Look, [chuckles.]
I don't know what your deal is My deal is pointin' out posers.
And I'm lookin' at a big one right now.
Poser.
See, if anyone can get inside Wendell's head, it was Tina.
And if she pushed him all the way to full berserker mode, he'd be unstoppable.
[baby talk.]
Oh, is the big, dumb baby gonna cry? [sound of crying echoing.]
Game on.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah! Poser, poser, scared little poser.
Missed me.
Too slow.
Nice try, try-hard.
[mocking laughter.]
[roaring.]
You, sir, are a genius! Oh, wow! What a comeback, huh? We have our winner, Wendell Ruckus, everybody! [all cheering.]
Eat a bag of rocks, Tina! Eat a bag of rocks indeed.
[chuckles.]
[sobbing.]
He beat me, Mommy.
That old man beat me.
- You did it, you did it! - Heck, yeah, I did it! 'Cause this is a Ruckus party, and there ain't no party like a Ruckus party.
Oh, and here to present you with your $1,000 grand prize is none other than Nana Butterscotch, everybody.
Congratulations, sweet boy.
Come give Nana Butterscotch a hug! [yelling.]
Nooo!! Ugh.
[grunts.]
Uh hey, fun tournament.
Just really, really fun.
I'll go ahead and take this.
Thanks for meeting me.
Now, I may look like a bad boy, but I've always been lacking in the talking of trash.
You don't look like a bad boy.
- You look like a shaved rat.
- Hey! That was hurtful.
Why would you call me Oh, you're good.
Franklin, this is the girl you hired to help you with your trash talk? She's just a kid.
What does she know? I know you're 100% zombie proof, 'cause you ain't got no brains! [gasps.]
Ooh, you are good.
- Uh how's my crab burger? - Mmm.
Really good.
You're gonna love it.
We are 60 bucks closer to going to Game-Con.
I just sold an autographed pair of my gaming underpants.
Ew.
Who would buy those? Well, you can check another item off my bucket list.
You know this makes us undie buddies.
- We're brief bros! We're tighty - No, no, no.
We're none of those things.
Let me add my tips.
I got nine bucks.
But that includes this five-dollar bill from that cheap fisherman.
Five dollars is a great tip.
Why do you call him cheap? That's why.
I still can't believe we're going to go to Game-Con.
The biggest gaming convention in the world! I wonder how Wendell did with his kissing booth.
Comin' through! The money-back guarantee was a bad idea.
[tablet chimes, pony sounds.]
Yes! I got a puddin' pony bonus, which means I'm goin' to Tapioca Town.
Whoo! Uh, whatcha playin'? Only the hottest new game on the digital market.
Puddin' Party.
Dude, that game is for babies and soccer moms! You want me to get you a diaper and/or a minivan? Mom already rocks a minivan, and I gave up diapers over a year ago.
Okay, Franklin, that's what you call a casual game.
And we have our pro cards now.
If you play it, you play it alone.
In your bathroom.
Behind the shower curtain.
- With the windows shut.
- Shield your shame, boy! The only shame I feel is when Nana Butterscotch catches me eating out of her puddin' pot.
Oh, boy.
Okay, that's it! You are not getting this back until we wash the filthy casual out of you.
All right, guys, let's go deposit this money in our Pay Buddy account.
Don't even think about it.
You disgust me.
Pfff.
This game is so dumb! All you do is match three puddings? Oh, double bonus.
That's pretty cool.
Uh, little busy, hon.
[title music.]
1x03 - The Puddin' Party Fetal pig dissection day is awesome.
- Check out this red stretchy thing.
- Stop stretching on the intestines! I promised myself I wouldn't lose my lunch this year.
Its guts are so stretchy.
I wonder how far they can I told you not to stretch it! I told you! Oh, what happened to you? You look like you haven't slept in days.
- You've got some serious robe gap.
- Yeah.
- How about a little courtesy cinch? - I'm feeling fine, guys.
I'm ready to dive right into this pig.
Here comes the horking.
[shrieks.]
Gamers, here's how to tell there's something wrong with your teammate.
He falls asleep on a fetal pig for two hours, he blows off gaming practice, and he loses interest in the things he loves.
How did you even get in there? It's the curse of narrow butt syndrome.
Hey, Franklin.
The Wendell I know would've made a whole series of Twine videos entitled "Butt Struggles.
" [gaming sounds.]
Wendell? [hisses.]
The light, the light! Wendell, what the heck is wrong with you? - You've been missing gaming practice.
- I've been sick.
My aunt died.
I have scabies.
My grandma ate my homework! - What were you doing with your phone? - Phone? What phone? I don't have a phone.
You're a phone! Nana Butterscotch loves you.
Now who wants puddin'? - Puddin' Party! - That's right.
I play it, and I love it! I'm already up to level 273.
Who am I hurting, huh?! Who am I hurting?! You're hurting yourself.
You're losing control of your life, and ignoring your friends.
Friends I don't need friends.
I've got Nana Butterscotch.
She doesn't judge me like you.
Now get out! I'm going to the bathroom.
- Is that a litter box? - I said get out.
[hisses.]
Whoa! Ew! Whoa! Guys, Wendell's hooked on Puddin' Party, and it's bad.
Look.
[both.]
Ew! - Why is he using a litter box? - And why did you take a picture of it? That's the problem with Puddin' Party.
For some it's the party that never ends.
[sighs.]
Well, you play it.
How come you don't have a problem? Because I've got willpower and self-control.
I'm a man.
Plus my Mommy won't let me buy any extra lives! Wait.
You have to buy extra lives? But Wendell's been playing for days.
That must've cost him a fortune.
- Where'd he get that kind of money? - That is a mystery.
[text alerts chiming.]
It's a Pay Buddy alert.
Someone withdrew all the Game-Con money from our account! - I wonder who that was! - Huh.
One mystery at a time, guys! I'm here for the Puddin' Pals party! Where do I sign up for the free lives?! Okay, Wendell, Wendell, this is an intervention, okay? Come on.
Take a seat.
Man what's going on? You're not a Puddin' Pal.
I want my Nana! Calm down, calm down.
She's right here.
Not my dried-up old craggly faced Nana.
- I want my sweet Nana Butterscotch.
- Give Give me that.
Wendell, buddy.
We're here because we care about you.
So we're all gonna go around the room and each say one thing that we love about you.
I'll go first.
You are so - Uh, Ashley, why don't you go first? - Okay.
Wendel I'd just like to say you stole our Game-Con money, you thief! [shrieks.]
Ashley, Ashley.
Sit, sit.
You know what? She's right.
I did take the money.
But you three still cared enough to come down here to help me.
[sniffles.]
There's just one thing I have left to say.
See ya, suckers! [laughter.]
I locked the doors.
How is this supposed to make me stop playing Puddin' Party? Every time you reach for your phone to play, I'm gonna hit this button and you're gonna feel a slight tingle.
[zap!.]
Ow, dude! That is not a slight tingle! - Are you sure this collar is safe? - If it wasn't safe, they wouldn't use it to train wild bears.
[grunting.]
I didn't even reach for it that time! - Yeah, but you were thinking about it.
- Give me that! - I can't feed myself any more of this.
- Tough taquitos! You agreed to eat pudding until you want nothing to do with that pudding game ever again.
Right.
I'll try.
I can't.
I shouldn't have eaten so much of this.
Oh, no.
The little baby doesn't feel so good? Which one did you like? The chocolate? [stomach rumbling.]
- Ohh - Or the banana cream? [rumbling.]
Or could it be the tapioca? [big rumbling.]
Well, apparently it was the tapioca.
All right, Wendell, you're not crying and shaking as much, so I'd say you're doing great.
In fact, you're doing so great, that we've arranged for a little surprise.
Nana Butterscotch? I've always wanted to meet you! These people have been so mean to me.
[sobbing.]
Go to Nana, Wendell.
She has something for you.
[sobbing.]
Nana Why, Nana, why?! Hey, guys, I wanna thank you for helping me get my life back on track.
We're all proud of you.
You hit bottom not sleeping, not bathing, having to go to the bathroom in a litter box.
I've always used a litter box.
I've got four sisters and one bathroom.
My Dad has to shave in the bird bath.
Now that Billy's given me this job, I'm gonna make all our money back and get our team to Game-Con.
- Cool.
Have you gotten any tips? - Five dollars and 42 cents.
- Forty-two cents.
- Way to go, Wendell.
Hey, we'll get our money back in no time! [chuckles.]
We're never getting our money back.
Wendell really punched the pooch on this one.
Well, I cleaned all the Puddin' Party stuff out of his room.
Look at all this junk he spends our money on.
Puddin' Party dolls, Puddin' Party crayons, Puddin' Party bubble bath? [scoffs.]
It's so lame! Yeah.
Totally lame.
I'll just put this stuff in my backpack, and throw it all away later when you guys aren't around.
Check this out.
A Puddin' Party tournament! Ha! How desperate do you have to be to go to that?! I know.
Wait, listen.
"First prize wins 1,000 bucks.
" [uproarious laughter.]
That would be enough to get us to Game-Con.
I know! Lame.
Wait.
That'd be enough to get us to Game-Con.
[gasps.]
And only one of us has played enough Puddin' Party to win that tournament.
Hey, guys, thanks again.
Now remember, if we wanna get to Game-Con, we've gotta ease Wendell back into the Puddin' Party so we can win the thousand bucks.
Oh! Here comes Wendell! Be cool.
Hey, cool, we're just being Wendell.
- You guys done with your gator tots? - Uh we just ate 'em, but we won't be done with 'em for a week.
Am I right? [forced laughter.]
Good times with good friends.
[stilted.]
Hey, Ashley, what is that you are reading? It's the Puddin' Party flyer we were just talking about! Remember the whole tricking Wendell thing? [chuckles.]
Oh, I get it.
This is a test.
But you don't have to worry.
- I will never play that game again.
- Okay, don't say never.
No one says never anymore.
The new "never" is "one more time.
" Like, say Saturday the 19th 3:00 at the Civic Center.
Yeah.
That's a great, totally random idea! [scoffs.]
Sorry.
Not interested.
I'm on the straight and narrow.
Listen up, you sad sack of hammers.
You took our money, and now you're gonna win it back.
You have one talent, and this is it, so it's time to put it up, pal! No, I am not going to do it! There's nothing that you can say or do that will change my [hisses.]
One more time couldn't hurt.
All right, look at this.
It's just kids.
This is gonna be a piece of cake.
Right, Wendell? Uh, Wendell? He tried making a run for it in the parking lot, - but I got him.
- Take this thing off of me.
I'm not a dog.
And where's that sausage treat you promised me? All right, Wendell, we just need you to bring everything you got one last time - and then you can retire forever.
Come on.
- Hey, guys.
- Here to register a child? - Uh, yes, his name is Wendell Ruckus, and he is totally potty-trained.
If you have a litter box.
Hello there, Wendell.
When we take our juice break, what flavor would you like, little fella? [chuckles.]
Excuse me! I'm 14 years old, man! I'll take a sunny berry blast.
- And I may need help with the straw! - Okay He gets cranky when he skips his nap.
Okay, Puddin' players, [chuckles.]
let's get ready to stir it up! [buzzer sounds.]
What's wrong with him? He's not even looking at the game! Wendell was pathetic.
He was a shell of his former self, and that prize money was as good as gone.
Why? Because we broke him like this fragile piggy bank.
Okay, the point is, we broke Wendell! And now, we had to figure out how to fix him.
[piggy bank shatters.]
Oh, really?! [buzzer sounds.]
Okay, Puddin' players, that's the end of round one, and it looks like our leader is little Tina Kelly.
Huh? Whoo, Tina! Eeeeh! I did it, I did it! I wrecked all those scrubs! - We're never gonna get to Game-Con.
- This is embarrassing.
Can I get a little help with this straw? These are plain corn doodlers.
I wanted cheddar.
Get it right, Deborah! That's it! I know how to get Wendell back.
Uh, excuse me.
Tina? Hi.
I just wanted to say good luck.
I don't need good luck.
I'm the best player here.
Well, uh, that's not what the gamer over there said.
- That walking zit bag? - That's the one.
He also said you're an overrated try-hard.
- Whatever that means.
- What?! Hold my doodlers, Deborah.
So I hear you're throwin' mad shade, grandpa.
- I'm sorry.
Who are - I'm Tina, and I'm this many years old, and I'm gonna crush you like the cockroach you are! Gamers, one thing you should know about Wendell is he feeds on trash talk.
You see, he's a classic troll.
And you never troll a troll.
Look, [chuckles.]
I don't know what your deal is My deal is pointin' out posers.
And I'm lookin' at a big one right now.
Poser.
See, if anyone can get inside Wendell's head, it was Tina.
And if she pushed him all the way to full berserker mode, he'd be unstoppable.
[baby talk.]
Oh, is the big, dumb baby gonna cry? [sound of crying echoing.]
Game on.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah! Poser, poser, scared little poser.
Missed me.
Too slow.
Nice try, try-hard.
[mocking laughter.]
[roaring.]
You, sir, are a genius! Oh, wow! What a comeback, huh? We have our winner, Wendell Ruckus, everybody! [all cheering.]
Eat a bag of rocks, Tina! Eat a bag of rocks indeed.
[chuckles.]
[sobbing.]
He beat me, Mommy.
That old man beat me.
- You did it, you did it! - Heck, yeah, I did it! 'Cause this is a Ruckus party, and there ain't no party like a Ruckus party.
Oh, and here to present you with your $1,000 grand prize is none other than Nana Butterscotch, everybody.
Congratulations, sweet boy.
Come give Nana Butterscotch a hug! [yelling.]
Nooo!! Ugh.
[grunts.]
Uh hey, fun tournament.
Just really, really fun.
I'll go ahead and take this.
Thanks for meeting me.
Now, I may look like a bad boy, but I've always been lacking in the talking of trash.
You don't look like a bad boy.
- You look like a shaved rat.
- Hey! That was hurtful.
Why would you call me Oh, you're good.
Franklin, this is the girl you hired to help you with your trash talk? She's just a kid.
What does she know? I know you're 100% zombie proof, 'cause you ain't got no brains! [gasps.]
Ooh, you are good.