Gates (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

1 It appears we've been tagged again, Miss Hunter.
This Clam is certainly persistent.
Clam! That is so cool.
It's wicked! See? Already breeding insurrection.
If we don't nip this in the bud, then we'll be facing disciplinary meltdown.
Interesting font.
The way it leaps off the fence.
You could call it art.
Art? This is a primary school, not a jazz club.
In my school, it will be treated as vandalism.
Say hello to my all-seeing-eye! So, er Boyfriend.
I assume you mean by that just a friend who happens to be a boy? It means I'm dating him.
Like a play date? With a friend who just happens to be a boy.
Who could just as easily be a girl.
But I'M a girl.
What kind of girl dates another girl? No, not going there.
Erm Don't you think you're maybe a little bit young? But Millie Smethurst is dating Alex and she's not nine till May.
Right.
OK.
So erm, so who's the lucky guy? Sorry.
It's a secret.
I promised I wouldn't tell you before our first date.
See you later! Throughout history, bad men have tried to control other people's lives.
Now, who can tell me who this is? Oh.
This? Oh, dear! We do have a lot to learn.
Oops! Sarah.
You won't believe what Chloe just said.
Oh, I think I would.
Children are like the truth, aren't they, Mark? In fact, in many ways, Zack is like my bible.
She told me she's dating.
Oh, my God! Who's she going out with? It's not Zack? Oh, tell me it's Zack! Of course I am! As long as it's Zack.
Don't you think it's a bit advanced? I mean, they are still just nine.
You can't fight destiny, Mark.
Have we tried To go the furthest In every single race we ran? Can we reach the highest summit? Yes, we CLAM! I know it's fantastic that Zack's ready to start grappling with adult emotions, but isn't he a little on the young side? Aiden, we discussed this! How he's crying out for some feminine energy.
Mark's happy about all this? Zack and Chloe dating? Oh, you know men.
He's doing the whole protective thing.
"Don't touch my little girl.
Grr!" But this is Zack we're talking about.
He's bound to come round.
Of course he is.
I had a boyfriend when I was nine.
He bought me fudge.
I made him read out the stories in Jackie and do all the voices.
It's harmless.
What I don't get is, why keep it a secret? I'm her dad.
I tell her about my day, she tells me about hers.
It's our thing.
Like Total Wipeout.
It's fine.
I get it.
Suddenly, she's not Daddy's little girl any more.
It's OK.
In fact, it's actually rather sweet.
I promise you, this will be over in a week.
Hels It's probably a nice kid from a nice family Babe.
Maybe we'll even end up making some new friends.
Hels Bells! Guess what? We're going to be related! Come on, Clam.
Home time.
Seize the moment.
I will find you.
My school, my rules.
Ha! This is so great, isn't it? I mean, I'm just so pleased for the little guy! I mean, I'm his mother, I love the little sod to bits, but, you know, he CAN be a bit of a quirky one.
You know he collects roadkill? Roadkill? How weird is that? But the kiddie shrink thinks he'll grow out of it.
Either that or he's a complete psycho! Eeeeeeh! Eeeeeeh! Eeeeeeh! Eeeeeeh! Eeeeeeh! Eeeeeeh! Joke! Anyway, he's totally stoked about the big date tomorrow.
Date? I'll just, I'll get that.
You got many busy roads round here? No, not really.
Why? No reason.
So, Sam.
Yup.
You and Chloe.
Yup.
Going out.
Yup.
Dating.
Yup.
Together.
You and Chloe.
My daughter.
So what are your intentions? How do you see this thing panning out? There's a dead sparrow over here.
Afternoon.
Hello! We must stop meeting like this.
You came here Yes! Of course I did.
Got me! Mark not in? Busy with a big lorry? No, no, he's just out back.
I could call him No, no, no, no need! Fine, fine.
Well, here's Zack.
For Chloe? Did we arrange to? Didn't we? Sarah said that now Chloe and Zack are dating Who's dating? Chloe and Zack.
Very cute.
Well, probably not serious.
Certainly no need to make any kind of fuss.
Well, I thought Chloe was going out with Sam? Well, she is.
Isn't that right, Chloe? Well, Chloe? Sorry, Zack.
I'm already going out with Sam.
Right! SAM and Chloe! OK.
Total misunderstanding.
Mea culpa.
Well, actually, Sarah culpa, but that's fantastic news.
I mean, not not that Chloe isn't a great catch.
For Sam.
Not Zack Beer? Yes.
Please.
Definitely.
Unless you're opening some Pinot? No, Zack.
Our Samurai sword discussion applies to ALL blades.
Glad we sorted out that little misunderstanding.
Wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea about who's dating who.
Oh! It's fine, it's fine.
I mean, I'm not exactly happy about it.
Oh, why would you be? I totally agree.
Relationships! All that pain, compromise, the endless conversations about nothing.
They're kids.
Yes.
They need their freedom.
Exactly.
Like I said to Sarah.
Zack should be out more - living a bit.
You know? Bassoon! Korfball.
Junior UN.
Proper boy's stuff.
Someone cried himself to sleep last night.
We're talking about? Zack.
Yeah, I had to comfort one very disappointed little man.
Die Die! God, he hides it so well.
Yeah.
Die, die, die! You talkin' to me?! You can't handle the truth! Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom! So the act of revolution has a long and glorious past.
From the guillotine to the Arab Spring, people have resisted the jackboot by working together.
Right, that's break time.
So homework is to come up with more anti-surveillance ideas in your work books.
Gold stars are available for any of you who can think of original acts of insurrection.
Zack, if the next world out of your mouth is going to be Molotov, I'd like you to put your hand down now.
Right, OK.
Off you go.
A-ha.
Chloe Sam.
Together, we get Clam.
Yes? That's actually not how you spell Chloe.
I am well aware of that.
But we're still struggling with our longer words, aren't we, Samuel? Yup.
Are you going to tell us why on earth you did it? Well? I love her.
Awww! How cute is that? So, we'll have to tell Mr Gould about this? Course, it'll make any kind of dating out of the question.
I think I'm going to keep this between us.
This is youthful exuberance, nothing more.
But, Samuel, I don't take it lightly.
You're going to have to clean off all the graffiti and then you're going to have to write the name of your inamorata 100 times THIS time using the traditional spelling.
You're quite sure you didn't know anything about the graffiti? No, honestly, I didn't.
Good.
But I like it.
I know you know.
You know.
I know.
Everybody knows.
The whole world knows.
So why don't you just tell me? Tell you what? What we all know.
Who is Clam? I don't know.
Who is Clam? He's won, Mark.
Clam is the ultimate romantic gesture.
He's shouting it from the rooftops.
He loves her! He's vandalised the school.
He's a bad influence.
He's a rogue.
A rogue? Quite sure he's not a varlet too? Or maybe a scallywag? Look, we can't just ignore this.
We don't have any choice.
Try and put a stop to this now, and we make him forbidden fruit.
He becomes her first bad boy.
Seriously? The bad boy thing? Is that not a bit old? You think my parents wanted me to marry a builder's labourer? Come on, your mum and dad love me.
Dad offered to buy me a car if I dumped you.
What?! Really? Yes.
The point is - the more they tried to stop me, the more I wanted you.
So, what, we just go along with it? Yes.
What kind of car? MX5 convertible.
Hey, Marco.
Check this out.
The three of us have been putting our heads together.
Half-term hols.
And you're showing me a tent because? That's a yurt.
Thought we could try a little glamping.
Glamping? It's basically one big room.
We eat together, we laugh together, we sleep together.
So we'll see you after chess club.
Big date! Come on, Sammy.
CAN we go in the yurt, Dad? Erm Oh, God.
Erm Chloe, why don't you sit down for a second, yeah? Right, Chloe.
I am really glad that Sam's your friend.
Boyfriend.
Yeah.
But don't you think you should be friends with lots of boys? I am.
But I'm dating Sam.
The whole dead animal thing.
It's bit creepy.
No? And his mum's a complete psycho.
Anyway, the point is I'm just not sure that Sam is ready for a one-to-one relationship.
But you can't date two people at the same time.
I know that, I'm just not sure that Sam gets it.
But he told me he loves me.
I know, I know.
But the point is that I have seen Sam with other girls.
And, er they seemed very friendly.
Who? Who have you seen him with? Erm Her.
Chloe Chloe! There's a story I like to tell the children.
Smashing.
Well, maybe now's not the time.
Once upon a time, there was a ship, and it had cats for sailors and a dog for a captain.
Why? Well, that's what everyone asked because, what with being a dog, he wasn't a very good captain.
He lacked the basics, like navigation and man management.
Er Cat management.
I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to answer with complete honesty.
OK? Of course.
Are you having a breakdown? Is she sick? I mean, she didn't look sick earlier, did she, Sammy? Nope.
No, no.
No she's not sick.
She just doesn't want to come.
All got a bit much.
Why? Well, I think that maybe she's just a little bit tired and suddenly changed her mind.
Why? That's her prerogative.
As a woman.
They are unpredictable.
That's just what they do.
Why? That's the million-dollar question, Sam.
They are unique.
In fact, they they will rip out your heart while it's still beating and they will grind it into the dirt.
Why? Look, she's just changed her mind.
OK? OK.
So we'll do it another time? Mmm? Sure, Marco.
Another time.
Come on, Sammy.
Look, the game changed, I was the one on the pitch, I made the call.
We had the team talk.
We'd agreed the strategy.
You should have come back to the technical area.
She showed me the yurt and I panicked.
And told Chloe that Sam was cheating on her? Well, yes, put like that, I admit it sounds a bit extreme.
Our daughter is crying.
She is heartbroken.
Thanks to you.
Get changed.
What? We're going on a date.
This is nice, isn't it? So, how's your hamburger, Sam? Oh, it's great.
Really juicy.
Sammy loves his burgers.
How's yours, Chloe? Mmm.
Looks lovely.
Nice and tender.
So did you park all right, yeah? No problem.
We just drove it straight in there.
Us too, actually.
Nice surprise cos sometimes it's a bit of a nightmare with the truck and the multi-storey around the corners.
It's not really a talking point, is it? Can we go and get some ice-cream? Yes, absolutely.
It's your date.
You Listen, you just pretend we're not here.
Can I? It's all-you-can-eat, darl'.
So the only thing stopping you is your gag reflex.
So what made the little minx change her mind? Oh, you know, erm just all those emotions flying round.
Up one minute, down the next.
I'm just so pleased for him.
You know, Chloe's she's such a great kid.
I mean, the little guy.
He's not the best.
Socially, you know.
But, it's just so cute, isn't it? Look.
Yeah.
It is, isn't it? Sure.
Yeah.
You can't fight love! All right, babe? So how's it going? Great.
I'm glad you made a mistake about Sam seeing all those other girls.
What other girls, Chloe? Back at school, Dad thought he'd seen Sam with lots of other girls.
So that's why I was crying and didn't want to come.
Mm That's not quite what I said, is it? Yes, you did! Don't you remember? You said he was creepy.
No, I didn't.
Why would I say that? And you said that's because his mum is a complete psycho.
What IS a psycho? Right.
Erm, no, no, there must be some misunderstanding.
Come on, Sam.
Mark? Mia Mia.
Please.
Mia.
I'm sorry.
I overreacted because well, because she's my daughter and it was all a bit of a shock, and I've I've been an idiot.
I don't think you're a psycho.
Why would I think that? Who'd think that? Look, I would really love it if you both stayed cos we're actually having a really lovely time and we haven't had any ice-cream yet, and it's all-you-can-eat and I can actually eat quite a lot.
It's true.
He can.
Want to prove it? 'Well, if they're covered in red paint, then that must mean that they are broken, so' Yes, yes, no, I know they're broken.
My point is that by failing to catch the miscreant, they were clearly unfit for purpose.
'Well, I don't see how we are liable for that, sir.
' I do not wish to have to quote the Consumer Credit Act to you, but it clearly states Excuse me Yes? Oh, dear.
Are they all broken? Yes, they're ALL broken.
And this idiot from Outer Halifax clearly has no idea about customer service.
What a dreadful shame.
Hello? Hello? Hello! Sam! Hey, Sam! Dad! Don't! What, I thought you two were in love? We were.
But now we're both in love with someone else.
Oh.
So who are you in love with now, then? Oh, my God!