Gilmore Girls s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on Gilmore Girls.
Independence Inn.
Michel speaking.
I fixed the peach sauce.
- I wanna take a bath in that sauce.
- I will make more.
Let Michel look at your French paper before you go.
- Excuse me.
- That'd be great.
- What's going on? - Open it.
- I'm gonna be in a Britney Spears video? - You're going to Chilton! Sorry.
I told Mom you're changing schools.
- Was she thrilled? - The party's on Friday.
I got the invoice for your enrollment fee.
You did it, babe.
You got in.
Wow, that is a lot of zeros behind that five.
- Hi, Mom.
- Lorelai.
My goodness, this is a surprise.
- So, you need money.
- It's not for me.
It's for Rory.
Since we are now financially involved in your life I want to be actively involved in your life.
Ms.
Gilmore, I'm Headmaster Charleston.
Mom, what are you doing here? I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school.
She is my daughter.
And I decide how we live, not you.
I'm allowed to pay for it but not set foot on the premises.
- I just wanna get the rules straight.
- Oh, boy.
- So this whole plaid skirt thing, my idea? - My day sucked, too.
- Dinner was lovely, Emily.
- Mira does make a perfect cassoulet.
- Who's Mira? - Our cook.
- I thought the cook was Heidi.
- No, we let Heidi go months ago.
She had a problem closing things.
The door, the refrigerator The liquor bottle.
- Then it was Trina, then Sophia.
- I liked Sophia.
- You did not.
- I didn't? - She was the one who sang.
- That's right.
Terrible woman.
And after Sophia, we had Anton.
That's right.
Anton was the one that I liked.
I'm sorry.
Dad, how do you mix up Anton and Sophia? - What do you mean? - One is a man and one is a woman.
- And your point being - That one is a man and one is a woman.
I have a lot to do in a day, Lorelai.
I don't have time to keep up with the multitudes of people that your mother employs.
But one is a man and one is a woman.
- The dinner was so wonderful, Mira.
- It's Sarah.
I'm sorry.
Mom, her name is Sarah.
I thought she said Mira.
Grandma, these plates are really pretty.
Thank you, Rory.
They were your great-grandmother's.
- Lorelai I.
- I thought mom was the first.
Not in the name.
No, but in so many other things, I was a regular trailblazer.
Just finishing your thought, Mom.
Lorelai I was my mother.
She was an extremely accomplished equestrian a distinguished patron of the arts and she was also world-famous for her masquerade balls.
She was quite a woman, my mother.
Yes, she was.
Mira, come cut the cake, please.
Yes, and why don't you bring Sarah out here with you? So, Lorelai, how are things at that charming little inn of yours? They're still charming and little.
We're crossing our fingers it doesn't assert itself and become rude and large.
Mom's having a huge wedding there this week.
- Really? - Yeah.
There's people coming from all over the country.
- Isn't that nice? - Yeah.
- Rory, how's Chilton? - Okay, done with me now.
I'm sorry, was there more to the story? - Rory has to pick a team sport to play.
- It's a requirement.
"Physical fitness is as important as intellectual fitness.
" - So says Plato, and so say I.
- What sport are you going to pick? I'm not sure.
I'm not really the athletic type.
I told her she should go out for the debating team.
- That's not a sport.
- It is, the way the Gilmores play.
- So, what are your choices? - God, there are a thousand of them.
Basketball, lacrosse, swimming, track, golf.
- Golf? - Yeah.
Your grandfather is a golf player.
He plays every week at the club.
He could teach you to play like a pro.
He could take you there on Sunday.
It's perfect.
It's not something you can teach in an afternoon.
That's okay.
Rory can pick something else.
Why should she? She needs to learn a sport, and Richard can teach her a sport.
You can use your mother's old golf clubs.
They're gathering dust along with the rest of her potential.
Okay.
Mom, could I maybe talk to you for a minute? - We're having dessert.
- I know, but I'd like to talk to you fast before the sugar sets in and makes me crazy.
- You are the oddest person.
- Too easy.
What is so important that can't wait for cake? Keep moving.
This is as far as I can go, unless I bore my way through the wall.
- Don't do this, Mom.
- Do what? - Force Rory and Dad to go golfing.
- I'm not forcing anybody.
You're manipulating the situation, giving no one a way out.
That's force.
Look it up.
I'm trying to help your daughter get an education.
- Thanks, she'll find another sport.
- Why should she? She doesn't wanna go, and Dad doesn't wanna take her.
He doesn't know what he wants.
He'd cut his hair at the butcher's, if I let him.
Just let it go, please.
Well, isn't this interesting? - You're afraid.
- Of what? That Rory will enjoy the club and have a good time without you.
- That's crazy.
- I agree.
- I'm not afraid.
- Then let her go.
- She won't enjoy it, Mom.
- Why don't we just let Rory decide? Because she's the sweetest kid in the whole world.
She won't say she doesn't wanna go to avoid hurting your feelings.
I'm sure you could give her some coaching to get her over that.
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
Believe it or not, this is not about you.
Of course it's about me.
If Rory goes and has a good time without you, then I win.
Okay, Bob Barker.
Rory knocks herself out all week at Chilton.
The weekends are the only time she has to unwind and have fun.
- With you.
- I'm there.
So let me get this straight.
There's no way that Rory could possibly enjoy a weekend day with her grandfather.
You're just gonna twist it all around.
You know your daughter so well that you don't even have to ask her opinion.
She'd be miserable, and you'd know it.
I'm so setting myself up here.
But, yes, she would be miserable.
- That sounds a little controlling to me.
- I walked right into that.
Interesting, isn't it, you being the one who's controlling? - I am not being - According to you I was the only one in the family with that gift.
I never said that! I guess you and I are more alike than you thought, aren't we? You win.
Thank you.
- Did you get blind-sided? I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.
- I tried to stop it, I swear.
- I know.
- Maybe it won't be that bad.
- Maybe it won't.
- Maybe I'll like it.
- Maybe you will.
- Maybe you could come with me.
- Is there a You're Crazy team? - 'Cause they'd make you captain.
- Please.
I love you.
I would take a bullet for you.
But I'd rather stick a sharp thing in my ear than go to the club.
Fine.
I'd rather slide down a banister of razorblades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
- I got it.
- Don't stop me, I'm on a roll.
I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you.
I'd rather surgically alter my face to look like the mad rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe? Would you? Thanks.
I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you.
You'll walk down here, over the bridge with the swans floating by and the music playing.
What are they doing with those purple flowers? Just decorating the bridge.
I didn't want purple flowers.
I wanted pink.
And I wanted blue.
So I thought violet would be a nice compromise.
- But we paid for pink flowers.
- And the blue flowers.
You did not pay for anything.
I told her to decorate with violet flowers.
It's nice of her to try to take the heat for me, but it's unnecessary.
If you don't like it, buy your own flowers.
Yes.
I thought so.
Now, go away.
My Advil is wearing off.
- Their father spoiled them.
- They're just excited.
They're spoiled.
And they won't move away.
- Now, disaster list.
What if it rains? - We'll put up tents.
- What if it's too windy? - We'll secure everything and put extra hairspray in everybody's hair.
Too hot? Umbrellas and fans that won't cause any damage because of the things that have been secured and hair that's been sprayed.
- So I have nothing to worry about? - No.
- There must be something.
- Listen, I have everything under control.
Go to your room and have a fabulous bubble bath.
I'll send up some wine and a masseuse who bears a remarkable resemblance to Antonio Banderas.
- How remarkable? - Get ready to applaud.
This is my favorite place in the whole world.
Could you send Maury up to Room 12 in about 20 minutes? Thanks.
- So, any problems? - With the wedding or my life? One guess.
And I'll give you a hint: It's not your life.
- Do you stage these events to torture me? - Yes.
- Job well done.
- Okay, let's start again.
Any problems? Guests are checked in, baskets are given out and 200,000 tons of Jordan almonds have been delivered.
- Okay, good.
Did Rory call? - No.
She's golfing all day with my father, and I'm half-expecting this big, "Save me!" call to come in.
You don't care at all, do you? To me you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon.
Forget it.
Have the grooms arrived? Their plane was due at 7:30.
They should be here.
- Maybe they made a run for it.
- Somebody got stood up at prom.
- Oh, dear.
- What? - Are those - No, it would be too Schmoopies! weird.
You kept this from me on purpose.
It's like a really snooty Doublemint commercial.
Just let me know when the midgets and clowns arrive.
No.
You have to get them all settled in.
- I'm not talking to them.
- Yes, you are.
I'm not talking to them nicely.
It's after 8:00.
She should be here already.
She'll be here.
You're supposed to tee off at your designated time.
You pay good money to that place.
You'll tee off when you tee off.
- Is that what you're wearing? - Yes.
- What's wrong with what I'm wearing? - Nothing.
It's fine.
- This whole thing is absurd.
- She's your granddaughter.
She's a 16-year-old who would rather be at the mall.
Show her all around the club, especially the rose garden.
- I am not a guide.
- Make sure you take her to lunch - and have her get dessert.
- No one said anything about lunch.
I hope Lorelai's clubs are still in good shape.
Emily, you are not listening to me.
I will teach her to golf, as promised by you but lunch is out of the question.
You have to eat, so you'll eat together.
Do you have sunscreen? - She's here.
- 8:30.
We must remember to buy her a watch.
Richard, so help me God, you will be sweet to this girl and make this a memorable day for her.
It's the first time we can show our granddaughter off at the club.
And it means a great deal to my happiness and yours that this day go well.
Are we clear? - Rory, hello! - Sorry I'm late.
Nonsense, you're right on time.
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Nice to see you.
- This is a perfect day for golfing, isn't it? - It's cooler at 8:00.
Am I dressed okay? I didn't have any of those short pant things.
Actually, there is something missing.
Wait a minute.
Here we go.
- Now you look just like Tiger Woods.
- That's some hat.
Okay, off you go, you two.
- Have a wonderful time.
- We will.
You bet.
Is it hard to become a member here? Everyone has to go through a thorough screening process.
- Kind of like the FBI? - We're much more thorough than that.
- Wow.
- Yes.
Do you know the merger of Forscape and DSS - happened right here on this lawn? - Really? International finance will never be the same and all because of a lost golfing bet.
- That's crazy.
- That's high finance.
Here we are.
What do you know about golf? That it's a good walk spoiled.
Your driver is the most powerful club in your bag and as such, it can be your most valuable asset or your greatest liability.
To wield it properly requires a precise combination of confidence and humility.
- Confidence and humility.
Got it.
- There you are.
That's a pretty good natural grip.
Now line the toe of your left foot up with the ball.
That's right.
Drop this shoulder a little bit.
Now, keeping your left arm firm, draw the club back and swing it cleanly through the ball.
I'm betting that was wrong.
There are no rights and wrongs to the learning process.
Try that again.
I'm betting that was wrong.
These are blueberries.
I ordered strawberries.
- I know - I did.
I wrote it down, I got a copy.
- Sookie, listen.
- Yeah.
"Mushrooms, melon" - "endive, peaches, kiwi.
" - Excuse me, crazy lady.
I should make some kiwi ice cream.
- Sookie! Listen.
- What? I know you ordered strawberries, but they weren't any good.
Instead of selling you substandard strawberries I brought you blueberries.
I must make strawberry shortcake for 200 people so I think I'll need strawberries.
- Use the blueberries.
- To make what? - Blueberry shortcake.
- There's no such thing.
The world was flat until someone took a boat trip.
- Can I see these strawberries? - No.
- Just one? - No.
How about a Polaroid? Coffee.
Sookie, can I take some of this cake home to Rory? She's gonna need a special treat tonight.
She's spending the entire day with my father, golfing at the club.
No.
- Take the blueberries! - No! The whole thing was masterminded by my mother.
One minute we're having an excruciating family dinner and the next minute she's manipulated my kid to spend her Sunday with my father at the country club.
I can't talk about it anymore.
It's making me too upset.
- Tell me something happy.
- I can't make the strawberry shortcake.
You suck at this game.
The battle for soup versus salad is raging in the other room.
Come quick and settle it, please.
I'm running out of French curse words that they won't understand.
- Soup it's gonna be.
- You always have a salad - before a traditional meal.
- Why are you making a scene? - It's my party.
- Just 'cause It's been 45 minutes of "soup or salad.
" I can't do it anymore.
Get me a cab.
I'm going to go far away now, and never come back.
How about if the guests get a choice of soup or salad? That will work.
- Choice of soup or salad.
- Got it.
- It's so weird.
- Which one is which? I think the one on the right is Matt.
No, that's the one on the left.
The one on the right is Mark.
- That's very impressive.
- I'm very good at observing people learning their tics and traits, the sound of their voices.
It's a gift.
- That one has a Post-it on its back.
- Then that's Mark.
The one on the right is Matt.
- Take that off of him.
- I will not.
We can't all call everyone "sweetie" and get away with it.
Go with me here, but let's say Mark walks into a hotel room and he sees his wife naked, but it's not his wife it's his naked sister-in-law, and he has sex with her.
- Would that be cheating? - My head hurts.
- I think no.
- Really? Lucky.
If you ask me, this union belongs on a public access station.
It's against the laws of nature, and just this short of completely obscene.
You won't be giving the wedding toast.
- How did everything work out? - Do you have children? - A daughter.
- Do you hate her? - No.
- Not ever? I wasn't wildly fond of her during labor.
That was the high point for me.
- I can't believe I hit the ball.
- It's quite impressive.
- It landed in the water.
- Yes, but the splash was quite impressive.
This place is so beautiful.
I could see just coming here to think or read but that defeats the purpose of the holes with the flags in them.
There is something rather serene about walking around here.
- Do you come here every week? - No.
When I can.
I'm often working on the weekends.
- Bummer.
- Isn't it? Hi, Richard.
- Can I ask you a question? - Go ahead.
- What do you do? - I'm the Executive Vice President of the Gehrman-Driscoll Insurance Corporation.
- Wow.
- Yes.
And as Executive Vice President, what do you do? It's a very big company, one of the largest in the United States.
I have a myriad of duties which would bore you greatly to hear about.
Okay.
- I oversee our international division.
- That sounds important.
It rates a parking spot.
- Do you get to travel a lot? - Quite a bit.
Lucky.
- I suspect you have a yen for travel.
- I'm up to my ears in yens.
- Any particular place you'd like to go? - Hundreds of places: Paris, Rome, London, Prague, Istanbul, Fez.
- Have you ever been to Fez? - I can't say that I have.
I wanna go to Fez.
I think traveling, for a young girl, is a very important thing.
Your mother never got a chance to travel much.
- I know.
She talks about that all the time.
- She does? We've got a deal.
When I graduate from high school we're gonna go backpacking through Europe together.
You know, do the whole hostel thing.
- I just hope it really happens.
- We'll just have to make sure that it does.
- You look wonderful.
- Aren't you sweet? Is Emily here? No, I'm taking my granddaughter for a round of golf.
- We must get together.
- Absolutely.
The most odious woman alive.
- We'll meet back here in 40 minutes? - Okay.
And then, if you like, we can get some lunch.
- That would be great.
- Fine.
- Cool.
- Yes.
And I'm telling him, "I've been coming here" "for 20 years, my young friend, and for 20 years, that cart" "Number 43, has been my golf cart.
" - He should have known that.
- Everybody knows it.
- Did he give you the cart? - Damn right he gave me the cart.
You should have never had to ask, because he should have known that.
- Hello, gentlemen.
- Richard, good to see you.
- I heard about your golf cart.
Too bad.
- I'm still angry about it.
Who was that young lady I saw you on the golf course with? - That is my granddaughter.
- Really? She's lovely.
Lorelai's girl.
You're lucky.
My granddaughter looks like she just fell off a potato truck.
My granddaughter would never be caught here.
It might get in the way of her time spent at the tattoo parlor or getting something pierced, or doing whatever she does while she runs wild through the streets like a rabid dog.
- Cut her off.
That'll get her attention.
- I can help you with the litigation.
Actually, Rory just started Chilton.
- Really? - Damn fine school.
She said she wanted to learn golf.
I think she's taken to it quite well.
Yeah, just as long as she's not taken with a certain golf cart.
- I'm writing a letter to the board.
- I wish you would.
Listen to me.
She took the house and I'm against it.
She deserved it, putting up with that tramp all those years.
Last Christmas, he bought them both the same bracelet.
She should have shot him like his first wife did.
I love Janie.
Is she out yet? Gloria, hi.
Good game? - Not bad.
You? - I just came for the steam.
We must get together and play sometime soon.
- Next week? - I'll call you.
The most odious woman alive.
Okay, I need more tulle here.
I need the feeling of a major tutu, okay? Gary, the ribbons go on the chairs, not on the trees.
Oh, great.
Where do you want the swans? - Do you know where the pond is? - Nope.
- You know that little road you came up? - Nope.
Do you know how to say "big help" in Chinese? - Nope.
- Michel! This is 20 swans? Sure.
Why not? You screeched? I need you to show him where to put the swans.
Absolutely not.
I can't leave.
I've got a major tulle festival going on out here.
- I will never go near those filthy birds.
- Why? - I hate the swans.
- These particular swans? No, all swans.
I was attacked by a band of swans in the Luxembourg Gardens when I was a boy.
No one forgets that.
Oh, no, not being attacked by a band of swans.
Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feathery, 'NSync fiasco? - This is not funny.
- No, I'm sorry.
It's not funny at all.
Oh, my God.
Come on, you have to admit that's a little funny.
Hey, Pepe Le Pew, you want to give me a hand with this? No.
Listen, it's Drella or the swans.
So either one beast of terror or another? - What is he babbling about? - Don't - He's afraid of the swans.
- Thank you.
Of course he is.
He's French.
- Okay, I'll take you to the pond.
- Thank you.
But stay far away from me.
Can't stand the talk.
Love to watch the walk.
She caught him in the pool house with the tennis pro not the riding instructor.
I had no idea.
That committee of yours is not looking at people as much as you think.
Why would they? From what you've told me they're all involved in one nefarious activity after another.
- It's a conspiracy.
- It's Peyton Place.
- Is there more? - Can you handle it? I'll steel myself.
Okay, Mr.
Neville likes all things frilly.
Good God, he's my broker.
I don't think one will affect the other.
- Mind if we barge in? - Look who's here.
Rory, this is Julian Johnson and Edward James.
- Call me Ed.
- You can call me Ed, too.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Would you care to join us? If Rory doesn't mind us intruding on her time with her grandfather.
- No, that's fine.
- Great.
- So, we hear you're attending Chilton.
- I just started.
- That's a hard school.
- Yes, sir.
- Rory is an excellent student.
- Really? That's got me beat.
She's going to Fez someday.
Fez? What the hell is in Fez? That's for her to find out.
Interesting hat.
I went golfing with my grandfather today.
Did you know golf courses are an environmental blight because of the chemicals used to keep the grass green? Actually, I did.
Bad joke.
Sorry.
My God.
This day, the swans, the tulle, my head.
I need the largest cheeseburger in the world.
Let's break a record, mister.
So, the wedding is a nightmare.
We got these 10 boxes of creepy larvae that are supposed to swarm into butterflies on the wedding day.
They swarmed a little early.
What's with the hat? Grandma gave it to me.
- That's just mean.
- It's not that bad.
- Do you want a mirror? - I'm taking it off.
- So, Rory's golfing adventure.
Tell me.
- It was fine.
I brought you some of Sookie's chocolate cake to make you feel better.
It really wasn't that bad.
You're the sweetest kid in the whole world.
Where on earth did you get that from? Luke, am I mistaken, or did the sign on the door say "open"? - So where were we? - Me golfing.
- Right.
Go.
- Okay.
By the end of the day I could even hit the ball.
Sometimes it wasn't my ball, but the intentions were good.
Good intentions and no physical exertion whatsoever is what the game of golf was built on.
So did you order? I'm not hungry.
I had a big lunch at the club.
With all the other devastators of our land.
Luke, I'm really sorry.
I didn't know.
- You had a big lunch at the club? - Yeah, it was quite good.
- Quite? What's with the "quite"? - What do you mean? You don't ever say "quite.
" - I've said "quite" plenty of times.
- Whatever.
Besides the "quite good" lunch you had, what else happened? Nothing.
We played.
I met his friends.
I took a steam.
- You took a steam? - Yeah.
I sweated out all my toxins, and I stole a towel.
- Sounds like you really had a good time.
- I did.
Really? - Okay, new word now.
- Sorry.
I'm just surprised.
- I thought you were gonna be bored.
- I was kind of surprised, too.
I don't know, it was pretty there.
And Grandpa and I talked a lot.
- You talked? Really? - You're doing it again.
Sorry.
You talked? - We talked about Fez.
- And he thought it was a hat.
I told him about our backpacking trip, and he thought it was a great idea.
So you really had fun? That's great.
That is really, really great.
- I thought you were starving.
- Things change.
Move on.
Does this hat really look bad on me? No, I think it looks kind of cute.
It's your wedding day.
Feel each other.
Use the thumping of your heart as a metronome.
Let passion be your choreographer.
Be as light on your toes as you are in your hearts.
Oh, no, darling.
Let me show you how it's done.
Again? You know, in some countries, if you dance this close you're cheating on your wife.
- You're next.
- Take your time.
- My God, you've good handwriting.
- Thank you.
You did not get that from me.
Your fabulous flair you got from me.
- I also got my deviated septum from you.
- Hey, focus on the flair.
It's for you.
He says he's your father although why he'd volunteer that freely, I don't know.
- My father? - Yes.
- Are you sure? - Please just take the phone.
Thank you.
Dad? Yeah, it's Lorelai.
Who else calls you "dad"? Yeah, she's right here.
Hold on.
It's for you.
Thanks.
Hello? Hey, Grandpa.
That's great.
Jackie wants Samuel Barber, John Cage, and Philip Glass and Jessica wants Shania Twain's I Feel Like a Woman.
- I'm not a jukebox.
- Oh, please.
You think I started playing the harp 'cause I thought it would make me cool? Finally get me in with the in-crowd? Maybe I'd make for some great happy-hour conversation.
No, all right? The music drives me, lady.
I will play what I feel, and you will love it.
- I'll give you an extra $100.
- You just got yourself a jukebox.
Yeah, I'd love to see it.
No, if you want to.
Sure.
That sounds good.
Yeah.
Should I leave you two alone? - I think I want to change my hair.
- Really? - I think it looks quite good.
- You're funny.
- Do you want something to drink? - Yeah, water.
- So, you talked to Grandpa today? - What? - Grandpa, he called? - Yeah.
Anything wrong? No, he just found this book we were talking about.
- And he just called to tell you? - Yeah.
Why? Nothing.
It's just weird.
He doesn't call the inn that much.
Or ever, actually.
- He knew that I was looking for it, so - Oh, sure.
- What book is it? - Mencken's Chrestomathy.
- Oh, that one.
- Yeah.
Cinnamon is stuck under our front porch again.
Can I borrow some vegetable oil and a shoehorn? - I'll get it.
- I'm calling him and calling him and I go around the porch and this big orange tush is just staring me in the face.
I hate when that happens.
Yeah.
He must have been meowing for an hour but Morey was playing some Thelonious on the Steinway and when Morey plays, I go into this trance where all I can see is blue, and moon, and stars.
Never mind, sugar.
Play me home, baby! Bye.
Oh, God! It's killing me! - Babbette didn't take her oil.
- Keep it.
Christmas is early this year.
You know what I was thinking? That Madonna and Sean Penn should get remarried? Besides that.
I was thinking your golfing expedition should totally count as a dinner.
- What do you mean? - I can get us out of dinner at the grandparents' on Friday.
Maybe we could grab a movie.
- That's okay.
- It's no big deal, really.
No.
It's just gonna get Grandma all freaked out.
I can handle those freak-outs.
I've done that.
I have to get the book from Grandpa anyway.
Let's just go.
- All right, if you really want to.
- I do.
Okay, fine.
- Is that my sweater? - What? - You're wearing my sweater.
- So? No, it's okay.
It's just I thought I asked you to at least ask before you borrow my stuff.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
It's not too much for a simple "Can I borrow it, Mom?" is it? No, it's not.
Jeez, lighten up.
It's my favorite sweater, too.
- Since when? - Since always.
- This is not your favorite sweater.
- Yes, it is.
Now it's gonna be stretched out, like everything you borrow.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about that you take my sweaters wear them, and stretch them out.
I couldn't possibly stretch them out.
Your boobs are way bigger than mine.
- That is not true.
- Yes, it is.
- Your boobs are totally bigger than mine.
- You're crazy! - Do you want to measure? - What? I'm serious.
Why don't you go get the measuring tape now? I am not going to measure my boobs.
Because you know that you are totally bigger.
- I'm going inside.
- Fine.
- Don't measure.
We'll just compare bras.
- Stop it.
I'll stop it when you quit stealing my stuff! You're cracked! You're bigger! "Your boobs are bigger than mine"? I'm a mental case.
So apologize.
I was too mad and stupid to apologize last night and she was gone before I got up this morning.
- What is wrong with me? - You're very possessive of your sweaters.
I understand.
If somebody breathes too hard on my paring knife I'm like a crazy spider monkey.
It's not about the sweater.
It's about the golfing thing and the liking-it thing.
She had fun, Sookie, just like my mother said she would.
- Yeah, that's gotta hurt.
- She should have fun.
I want her to have a good relationship with her grandparents.
Just because I don't doesn't mean she shouldn't, right? So then, why was I trying to get her out of Friday night dinner? Am I trying to undermine their relationship? - You weren't.
- I was.
- Yes, you were.
- Yes, I'm 4 years old.
- You're jealous.
- I'm not jealous.
You are.
You're jealous 'cause they like Rory better than you.
Thank you for the hug.
See, I'm bad at advice talks.
Can we talk about soup? 'Cause I'm good with soup.
I'm sorry.
You're fine.
I'm all mixed-up.
I left that life: The club, my parents.
I ran from it as soon as I could.
It just never occurred to me that she might want it.
It occurred to my mother though.
God, I hate that she was right.
You don't know that Oh, my God.
Hey, watch it! Stock.
Are you okay? Look at you.
You're beautiful! I have to be more adult about this.
I mean, if the country club life is what she wants more power to her, right? You know, little white gloves and coming-out parties.
- That makes some girls happy, right? - Sure, yeah.
If they're on Prozac, absolutely.
I just never thought that I raised that kind of kid, you know? Not that there's anything wrong with kids like that.
I didn't think that was Rory.
Maybe it's not.
I don't know.
Am I obsessing? Sookie? Hello? Should I wear my strawberry costume to get your attention? No, I'm sorry.
You have a strawberry costume? - Unbelievable! - Jackson.
So this is what we've come to? You sneaking around behind my back buying somebody else's strawberries? - I was desperate! - You disgust me! - I needed the strawberries.
- Well, now you have them.
I hope you're happy together.
- Jackson, wait! - No! - Come on, Jackson! - No! - Jackson, we can talk about it.
- No! - Get back here! - Get away from me! Why are you following me? - Don't you follow me.
- Come on! Pardon me.
There you are.
We did it.
We sure did.
God, I feel wonderful! I'm so glad it turned out the way you wanted it to.
You have no idea.
They just told me they're going to share a condo in Tucson, Arizona.
That's hundreds of miles away.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Sister Sledge! Excuse me.
- Hey, stranger.
- Hey.
- Good turnout? - Yeah.
- Want something to drink? - Are you trying to make up? - No, I'm trying to hydrate you.
- I'm fine, thanks.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
A crazy, evil spirit obsessed with bra size took over my body.
- It happens.
- She's gone now.
Good to know.
I'm glad you're bonding with your grandparents.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
It's just weird for me, is all.
I just can't relate to it.
- You could if you tried.
- No.
We're too Too much has happened.
I'm glad you are, anyway.
I didn't mean to cut you off from them so completely, you know.
It just happened.
Not having them in my life just felt so right.
I just never thought I'm sorry.
I did not pay $500 for this dress so you could run around and mess it up.
Now you sit and be still.
Cross your legs.
You're a lady.
God, I must have had a million dresses like that when I was a kid.
- It doesn't really scream "you.
" - No.
I did all the screaming.
Thank you for not putting me in a dress like that.
You're welcome.
Of course, wearing those dresses Not all bad.
Oh, no.
They really fly up when you twirl around.
And if you're wearing that ruffled underwear, big crowd pleaser.
If it makes you feel better, I think I got a fungus from the steam room.
It does.
Thank you.
Oh, good.
You're here.
Hi, Grandma.
- My goodness.
What's that? - We brought dessert.
- Really? How thoughtful! What is it? - Blueberry shortcake.
- I've never heard of blueberry shortcake.
- It's a Stars Hollow specialty.
- Why is it already cut? - It's left over.
From the wedding.
At the inn.
I know where the wedding was.
Sorry.
You were just doing that staring thing.
- You brought us used dessert? - It's not used.
It's left over.
How nice.
I'll just put it in the kitchen next to my half-empty box of cheer.
She's in a good mood tonight.
Can I get you a drink? - White wine would be great.
- Coke.
Did Rory tell you all about the wonderful time she had at the club? - She sure did.
- Your father was simply flying all week.
- She really charmed him.
- Lf anybody could, it would be her.
In this age of MTV and 100 television channels who would have thought a girl could still get a thrill spending a simple afternoon with her grandfather? That wine would be real good right now.
I think we should consider getting her a membership at the club.
If she wants, sure.
To have a place to go where she can socialize.
That's very important to a young girl.
Now especially that the crack den has closed down on the corner all her really good friends are gone.
What do you think, should I pursue the career in comedy? It's just very interesting the way things turn out, isn't it? Oh, you're here.
- Lorelai.
- Dad.
Rory, I have a surprise.
Not only did I find that copy of Mencken's Chrestomathy we discussed I also found a first edition of his memoirs as well.
- You're kidding.
- It's in my office if you'd like to see them.
Oh, my God, I totally would.
I'd like to take a look at those myself.