GLOW (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

1 - [typewriter clacking.]
- [people speaking indistinctly on radio.]
[knocking on door.]
Oh.
You were supposed to drop the dog off on Tuesday.
- This is getting ridiculous.
- I've been busy.
- Can I have Lenny, please? - No, you can't.
- Why not? - Because he's dead.
He got hit by a car, a Saab, and I just didn't have time to call you.
I'm sorry.
I know this is probably devastating for you.
I mean, I've had a week, so, I've kind of moved through it.
But, uh, I have the number of the woman that hit him, if you wanna call her and cry.
Do you wanna call her and cry? I don't want you to cry here.
[dog yips, whimpers.]
[Carolyn.]
Hey, boy.
Oh.
- You belong in an asylum.
- You'd love that, wouldn't you? Just me all chained up and drooling and and lobotomized with my balls cut off.
You never had any balls to begin with.
I did before I married you! But there's one ball you can't castrate.
That's the mind! - [typewriter clacking.]
- [Sam.]
Those balls are just balls.
A man's true ball is the mind.
[upbeat music playing.]
Ronnie takes out his pen signs the picture.
And he says, "It's a good thing Bonzo is a Democrat, otherwise he'd have won the nomination.
" [crowd laughing.]
You're you're hilarious.
Ladies, hi.
I see you've met Sebastian Howard, our producer.
Uh, "Bash," please.
Just know that he's the one writing your checks, so, be nice.
I don't like to talk about money, okay? I'm a patron of the arts.
And wrestling is an art, despite my mother's opinion, which is wrong.
[Sam.]
I thought you were in Peru.
Yeah, I I I came back early.
Loving the casting! Even Miss Serious over here.
[chuckles.]
So, what moves have you guys learned? We've been learning to fall on our backs without hurting ourselves.
And pain faces.
What what about powerbombs? Or DDTs? Salty's famous for his DDTs.
Where is Salty, by the way? Yeah, yeah, Bash, Salty didn't work out.
Cherry's our new wrestling coach now.
Um does she have any wrestling experience? Um I'm right here.
Yeah.
All right, anyway, fans are gonna tune in for the moves, but they're not gonna stay tuned in unless we give them what, ladies? - Blood.
- Tits! - Storytelling.
Storytelling.
- Oh.
Now, I know it's exciting to be in the midst of a big-shot producer, but I have something even shinier A script.
Hot off the Xerox.
I only made ten copies, so, we have to share 'em.
And I'm just gonna cast as we go along, starting with Ruth.
Yes! Anything you need.
Uh, yeah.
I need you to read stage directions.
"The year is 1999.
Nuclear war has reduced the Earth to a smoking ruin.
Lost tribes of women wander the land scavenging for water, food and an even scarcer resource, men.
[women cheer.]
For the privilege of breeding with civilization's last male specimen, women wrestle for domination.
- [Bash grunts.]
- Welcome to the ultimate catfight.
Welcome to the world of GLOW.
" [women cheering.]
I'm sorry, Madame, but there is a woman outside.
She says she wants to wrestle for a night with the Specimen.
"Suddenly, a wall collapses, and in strides the Leather Virgin, a nomadic road warrior whose tough-as-nails persona conceals a deep well of passion and virginity.
" Are you the keeper of the Specimen? [Tammé.]
I am.
Who are you? That's no concern of yours.
The only thing you need to know is that I am ready to fight.
[Tammé.]
We'll see about that.
Ogress! "Ogress, a giant half-cyborg, half-woman, enters.
" Uh-oh.
Me Ogress.
You die now.
All right, now the next part's just wrestling.
- Yeah.
- [Sam.]
Wrestle, wrestle, wrestle.
Then cut to commercial, and then act two.
[Ruth.]
"Interior, underground bunker.
" What? [Debbie.]
The Over-Madames have lied to you.
Men are real.
We can restore the world to the way it was before the war and women's lib.
- [in raspy voice.]
Men? Who needs men? - [in raspy voice.]
We are lesbian mutants.
- [Dawn.]
We worship only - [Dawn and Stacey.]
the Goddess! Wail, wail, wail.
[Sam.]
Oh, come on.
You want the job? Wail in agony.
Okay.
Um [wails.]
[Arthie.]
The men never died.
She harvests them for food.
[Debbie.]
Who? - Koontar, the Man-Eater - [Sam.]
"Kunt-tar.
" - "Kuntar.
" - Kunt - Kuntar.
Yeah.
- Yes.
"Nympho Phoebe, Mutant Maude and the Sexecutioner come to a closed door.
" It's a dead end.
- Or a trap.
- [gasps.]
[Ruth.]
"Boom! A massive explosion shakes the walls of the Uterus Cave.
In walks Koontar.
" "Kuntar.
" Okay.
"Kuntar, a vision of hideousness.
" Oh, yeah, you do it.
You do Kuntar.
Oh.
Uh Come on, come on, come on.
Okay, okay.
I am Kuntar! Good God.
She's even more disgusting than they described her.
- Oh, sorry, where is that? - Oh, it's right here where I'm ad-libbing.
Oh, come on.
Stick to the script.
Actually, know what? Maybe we should take a break.
- We're almost at the end.
- I have a big monologue coming up.
- I could use a break.
- Me, too.
Oh.
All right, all right.
Let's take five.
[Rhonda.]
Do it right.
[women chattering.]
So, all right, what did you think, Bashy? And you can be honest with me.
There is so much about this that's working.
A lot.
Well, you hired me to, you know, do a different kind of wrestling show.
- So, I, you know - Mission accomplished.
[Bash sighs.]
You know what? Let's take the rest of the day off.
- Have some drinks.
- Drinks? I Yeah, let's not Let's have a welcome party.
You know? We're all new.
Let's get to know each other.
Who wants to go to Malibu? Huh? - [women.]
I do! - I can take one more in the chopper.
- [Jenny.]
I could go.
I could go.
- Debbie.
My new friend.
Hey.
[women sigh.]
- [Bash.]
Let's fly, all right? - [Jenny.]
Go have fun.
Hey, hey, Florian! We're throwing a party! Yeah, I got 20 people headed your way, okay? That's my butler.
He gets nervous when I don't give him notice! I can't hear you, but I agree! Oh! Hey, Sam.
Sam, so, how important is it that we all go to this party? 'Cause I was thinking it might be a better use of my time to go home and work on my lines.
You know, see if I can get off-book by tomorrow? You don't wanna suck up to the producer like your pal Debbie? Trying to keep a safe distance from my pal Debbie.
- It's a party.
Don't overthink it.
- Last time I went to a party with Debbie, I got drunk and slept with her husband.
Well, lucky for you, he's not invited this time.
- [Jenny.]
Melrose, can we all fit? - Oh, no, are you kidding? Guys, I've had ten strippers and a baby pool in this puppy.
Cram your asses in here! [women whooping.]
[Melrose.]
Come on, get in.
I'll ride with you.
- [sighs.]
You don't have to.
- I know.
It's that one, right? Yeah.
[Cherry.]
Hey.
Where was my part? What do you mean? In your jerk-off space opera.
You didn't write me a part.
It's a post-nuke dystopia, thank you.
I trained these girls all fucking week.
I watched tapes, I broke down moves.
- I wanna be on camera, Sam.
It's my turn.
- Can we not do this now? Fine.
We'll do it on the way there.
[Sam.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
What are you doing? [Justine.]
There wasn't room in the limo, and I don't have a car.
Also, may I say that script was your best work since Blood Disco? It has the surrealist quality of your early works like Oedipussy, Venus in Chains, Gina the Machina, but with a more subversive message about the limitations of feminism and nuclear power.
Get in.
She gets it.
I heard a voice say "Tonight by the wood You will find something unique [robot.]
Hello, ladies.
Welcome to the party.
[in robotic voice.]
Thank you.
Oh.
You guys are here.
Oh, my goodness.
That is a real Lichtenstein.
Couch made by Picasso.
That one I I made up.
The bowls are made of crystal.
Real crystal, not like my mom's glass, - but she's like, "It's crystal.
" - What about the robot? Yeah, there's a robot, you know? Ah, there is a robot.
It's What are these? [chuckles.]
Oh, it nodded.
I love it.
Hello! [Melrose gasps.]
There are drugs in the fuckin' robot.
[Bash.]
So, not just caviar, but also fancy mustards or pâté.
- [Sheila.]
Beef stew? - We sell that.
- Pork? Venison? - Yep.
Mm-hmm.
- Chicken of the sea.
- We sell canned foods, so Anything canned under the sun.
That was almost the Howard Foods slogan.
My idea.
I liked it.
Mother, not so much.
Lucky Charms, anyone? I would love some.
My parents never let me eat sugary cereals as a kid.
- [Florian.]
Oh.
Have as many as you like.
- Mm, mm.
Thank you.
So, this is your butler guy? [Bash.]
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Flor is my secret weapon.
We met in third grade.
Now he works for me.
I got plastic forks from Gelson's.
So, we don't have to run the dishwasher.
- Genius.
Genius.
- [Florian.]
Yeah.
- [new-wave music playing.]
- [women chattering.]
I know this sounds needy, but can you please never leave me alone at this party? - It that an "Asteroids" in a house? - We have "Caterpillar" in the master bath.
I have to use the restroom.
Whiskey goes in the punch And rum also goes in the punch And we are out of pineapple rings Oh, thank God.
Alcohol.
[over speakers.]
All right Are you having fun? Just 'cause we're at a party doesn't mean we're at all okay.
Talk to me again, I'll throw you through the window.
All right - Seems like you could use a drink.
- Yeah, fill me up, Flor.
Especially that final scene when you realize the meat grinder is in her vagina and the rapist starts to [chuckling.]
Oh, man.
It was perfect.
So poetic, political, and just [inhales sharply.]
punk rock, man.
Okay, we get it.
You love his movies.
Oh, you're the director.
Come in.
[sighs.]
Oh, my God! Finally! Did you get lost? Too stubborn to ask for directions like my dad? Where's Bash? Oh, he took Kuntar aside to speak privately.
- [singsong.]
You know what that means.
- Fuck.
[over speakers.]
I believe the time is right [Jenny laughing.]
This is my first Hollywood party.
Too afraid to let you in I pushed you away Now it's [music playing indistinctly.]
Are you tripping? We're appreciating this piece of art.
Oh, yeah.
I like art that tells you exactly what it is.
- Can you give us a little alone time? - Oh, don't mind me.
I'm just hiding from Debbie.
I'll go.
So, what is this, the old Malibu ambush? You gonna ply me with some drinks and tell me you don't like my vision? Sam, I hired you to direct a wrestling show.
Which I came up with.
It was my idea.
It was the seed of an idea.
- I'm I'm trying to elevate the form.
- And that is so bitchin', but can you maybe also not do that? When I said I wanted something different, I meant the way "Ms.
Pac-Man" is different from "Pac-Man.
" As in, almost the exact same thing, but with a bow in her hair.
Not set in the desert after a nuclear war.
Oh, okay.
So, I see, you don't want story.
The Iron Sheik.
Right? What's his story? Where does he come from? - I don't even know who that is.
- He's a fucking wrestler.
Okay? It doesn't matter.
He just wears a head scarf and hates America.
That's all he has to do.
Bottom line, your ideas are just too complicated.
We need to simplify.
Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
That's what we're doing here.
Gorgeous ladies wrestling.
Okay.
All due respect.
All right, you hired me because I'm a professional.
I know how to do this.
I've made eight films, two of which are taught in colleges.
I'm not some 25-year-old child who thinks he knows everything.
I need a drink.
- Try the punch.
- [Sam.]
I'm not 12! Where are the drugs, robot? How does it refill itself? Boop, boop, boop, boop.
Yes! - Rhonda, down here.
- Where are they? Do you see any baggies? - [Melrose.]
No, there's gotta be a - Ahem.
Hey! What? No, we're not molesting your robot.
- What? - It kissed me, I didn't kiss it.
I got something even better for you to fondle.
- Who likes glittery things? - Holy shit.
- Is that a Bob Mackie gown? - [Bash.]
Uh, yeah.
Why do you think my parties are so legendary? - We drink, we smoke - Yes.
we dance, we get naked, then we put on these awesome costumes and the cycle repeats itself.
Why don't you tell the ladies there's a costume closet on the second floor? [Melrose squeals.]
[Melrose.]
You guys! Costume party! Get naked! [women whooping and laughing.]
Now, this I can get used to.
Play around.
Try on anything.
Okay? Maybe these could help inspire you in your wrestling personas.
[Rhonda.]
Ooh.
[Bash.]
That's right.
Your wrestling personas.
[Tammé.]
And would Madame Xenothrob, - the slaver-pimp, wear fur? - Is that what the fur's telling you? - Go with what feels right.
- Yes.
- Look, I'm a beekeeper.
- Hmm.
[laughs.]
[Bash.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why so Friday the 13th, huh? I'm a heel.
I'm the evil Ogress.
I gotta find something to scare the kids.
No, no, no.
Kids are gonna love you.
You're not a serial killer.
Look at this face, huh? Look at that smile.
You're smiling all the time.
No, we need We need bright colors, fun.
Oh, here.
Here, try this on.
Here.
I got this after I dropped acid and hiked up Machu Picchu.
Here we go.
I really thought I was gonna like this.
I thought I was gonna like "Oh, Bob Mackie! I need that.
" But I don't even know who this is.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- [Melrose.]
It's a stranger.
We just gotta strip you down to your essence here.
Naked already? [sighs.]
Wow.
You see me.
[slurring.]
I am raising a baby with someone I can't even talk to.
And if I leave him, where do I live? Do I live here with you? [chuckles.]
Why am I feeling guilty about leaving that asshole? And he's What's the word? Stupid.
He is so stupid.
Flor when you cheat on your wife don't admit everything to her.
Lie.
Lie to her, Flor.
Flor, I'm gonna sit down on the floor.
[clears throat.]
I feel like I'm losing my mind every 20 minutes.
Twenty minutes is about as long as I can possibly pretend that everything's okay.
And I don't have anybody to talk to about it.
Except you.
Oh.
Here.
This is for when you start puking.
These carpets are really expensive.
Okay.
[sighs.]
Hey, uh, can you help me with something? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
[Florian.]
I'd have Mike fly her home, but he's on a beer run.
Is your hair a dance floor? Let's get you off the dance floor.
- [Florian.]
What's her address? - Hey.
- [Ruth.]
It's 3025 Linda Vista in Pasadena.
- [quietly.]
She's not my friend.
Okay.
You're not my friend.
[engine starts.]
[mouthing.]
[clears throat.]
Am I good? [Sheila.]
Yeah.
[Bash.]
Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! [women cheering.]
Yes! Yes! Glorified, get in here.
Get in here.
Get in here.
[women laughing and whooping.]
Whoa, a gun.
Cool.
What the fuck is this? Costumes, characters.
You look ridiculous.
This is my new character, Sam.
I'm not a pimp.
I'm a queen.
- We're exploring some ideas.
- We don't need new ideas.
I have ideas.
Sam, your ideas are so complicated.
Okay? Check this chick out, right? - Me? - [Bash.]
This is clear.
She's a sexy party girl.
And she's a rip-off of Madonna, who is so huge right now.
- What? - And this one.
- [squeals.]
- [Bash.]
She walks into the ring, there's no backstory, there's no dialogue about where she came from.
Look.
What's the first thing that jumps out at you? - Her eyes! - Aw! Bingo.
She's Oriental.
You're a jock, you're an Arab, you're a big black girl.
The fuck you say? It's not a judgment.
It's just what I and the entire world see with our eyes.
And in wrestling, that is the foundation upon which we need to build.
- But I'm Indian, not Arab.
- I'm Cambodian.
Backstory.
Wrestling is not about backstory.
It's about type.
And your type is Intelligent and whimsical? No.
No.
Terrorist or genie or some sort of other evil Arab.
- You mean stereotypes.
- Yes! Bingo! Exactly! Here, look.
Don't take that gun.
- Take the gun.
- Don't take the gun.
Uh which one of you's in charge? [Ruth sputters.]
Did somebody call a meeting? Oh, yes! Here we go, perfect.
Uh I don't know, farmer's daughter, girl next door.
- No, I'm Kuntar, a vision of hideousness.
- See? There is no world where people look at her and see hideous or evil.
- She's apple pie and ice cream.
- I didn't take this job to be bossed around by some wannabe producer who takes fake phone calls at the Polo Lounge.
Those calls were real.
And you took this job because no one else would hire you.
Who are you now, Robert Evans? You haven't done this before.
- You haven't done anything.
- GLOW is my idea! So what? Ideas are cheap.
Everyone's got ideas.
Your idiot butler probably has ten Oscar-winning ideas.
- I do.
- Leave my butler out of this.
- Florian kicks ass! - Hey, what the fuck? - [grunts.]
- [robot crackling.]
Aah! Don't get it wet! - Whew.
- [Florian.]
It's fine.
It's fine.
[Bash.]
Shit.
[robot.]
Hola.
¿Cómoestá? Mi casa es sucasa.
[robot speaks in distorted voice.]
Mi casa es sucasa.
Spanish.
- [robot zaps, powers down.]
- [Ruth.]
Ooh! - I hope you're fucking happy.
- [Sam.]
Buy another one.
Tell your mommy to take it out of your allowance.
I'm done.
[Ruth.]
Hey.
- Hey.
Sam! - [clears throat.]
- [groans.]
- Wait! Wait! You're leaving? Why? You got notes for me, too? No, I just don't want the show to fall apart.
Really? You? Team Pariah? You still want the show to happen? - Yes.
- Why? It's all I have right now.
Oh, God.
Sam, you're the director.
You're the one with the vision.
We respect you.
We need you.
- But maybe Bash is right, too.
- No, he's n I just I just mean Maybe your script is too complicated.
[sighs.]
I'm a homewrecker.
I wrecked someone's home.
Yeah.
You did.
But I don't get to play any of these characters if there's no show.
Goddamnit.
[sighs.]
I'm not easy to work with.
I know that.
[scoffs.]
I'm cranky, and I don't take criticism well, and I don't like being told what to do.
Is that an apology? Apologies, compromise not my bag.
As my ex-wife will tell you.
I just don't get it.
I mean why'd you hire me if you don't like my work? What are you talking about, Sam? Your fucking movies are hysterical.
They're not comedies.
Oh.
I'll tell you what.
We'll do it your way.
All right? I'll make your show.
I'll listen.
I'll [mutters.]
compromise.
- In return - You can't have Florian.
- Okay? He's too valuable to me.
- I don't want your fucking butler.
I want you to read my script.
The one from this morning? No.
No, another one.
I've been trying to get it made for years.
Nobody gets it and no one wants to pay for it.
I don't need to read it.
I'll make it.
You should read it.
It's pretty fucking wild.
There's, like, time travel, Oedipal shit Sam, look at me.
You make GLOW, I will make any crazy time-travel sex-romp movie you want.
What's it called? Mothers and Lovers.
Don't say anything.
I don't want notes.
It's a great title.
Sam, I love it.
It's deep.
[in Chinese accent.]
I am one who is cute like panda.
I'm in danger.
Help me.
Save me.
[laughs.]
Trick you! Because I am fast like dragon! [grunts.]
I am Fortune Cookie and Asian.
[Bash whistles.]
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yep, definitely.
[in growling voice.]
I'm Beirut, the Mad Bomber.
[growls.]
I will destroy your American way of living.
You know what? Let's let's add the gun back in.
[in normal voice.]
So expected.
[in raspy voice.]
I'm Scab, and I'm your worst nightmare.
I'll gut your Gucci and blast your Beemer.
Die, yuppie scum! [cackles.]
I got chills.
Yeah, you would.
Hi, I'm Melrose.
I'm a bad, bad girl who likes to party, party, party.
[in gruff voice.]
And Daddy's been a bad, bad boy! [growls.]
Come here, Daddy! I think, uh I should pull back on the dominatrix thing.
Yeah, just a tad.
I'm Sheila.
Anything to add? No, I I think it's pretty clear.
They call me Machu Picchu, the Peruvian Fortress.
Strong and proud.
I'm a good guy.
- [Sam.]
Girl.
- I'm a good girl.
I'm Ju [scoffs.]
What is it? [Sam.]
Junkchain.
I'm Junkchain, and I bring the pain.
Peace.
- I'm Ethel.
- I'm Edna.
[both.]
And we're the Beat Down Biddies.
You want a piece of me? I got moles older than you.
Oh, yeah, I'll come at you.
I'm like a good fiber cereal.
I'll make you shit your pants! Y'all stupid for going to work every day and paying taxes.
[scoffs.]
I let the government pay for all of my shit, and I lives like a queen.
A Welfare Queen.
[laughs.]
This is like half my brain, half your brain.
She's our masterpiece.
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you, because I was looking at my beaker full of a science experiment.
And earlier, I was doing algebra because I'm Britannica the Smartest Woman in the World.
[Sam.]
Throw those on for a second.
- Yeah, that sells it.
- [Bash.]
Now it makes sense.
I can't see.
[chuckles.]
I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America.
I'm Liberty Belle.
[whispers.]
Can I please do this character? [in Southern drawl.]
Because I'm a two-time Olympic medalist who loves America.
I'm Liberty Belle.
I'm the athlete.
Those are my actual medals.
She seemed more all-American.
Just We're We got a different part for you.
It's a big juicy part.
Why don't I believe you? I am Vicky Viking.
Yes.
Men walk in fear through these city streets.
For it is there you may meet me.
And though I am only moderately attractive I am desperate.
And there's nothing more dangerous than a desperate woman.
And there is no woman more desperate than the Homewrecker.
It's not working.
Yeah.
Did you want me to push it further, or? [Sam.]
No, it's just - I don't know.
The whole thing's - [Bash.]
Yeah, it's like - I mean, who is she? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Help us out, Ruth.
Um Who do you think you are?