Good Girls (2018) s01e03 Episode Script
Borderline
1 Previously on "Good Girls" - I handled the mortgage.
- How'd you do that? - This is a robbery.
- No, I'm turning you in.
- Boomer, please! - It is over! No, please! [SCREAMS.]
[SHOUTING.]
You can't leave me here forever.
There he is.
- [GRUNTS.]
- She's gonna cut his penis off.
- Ooh! - What are you doing? Texting a picture of your penis to my daughter.
- No.
- If you go to the cops, - so will I.
- Oh, hell no.
I mean, it was either you or my 11-year-old.
- You know? - Hostage peen.
- [LAUGHS.]
- We'll put the vroom, vroom, vroom back in your engine.
Do you think he's sleeping around? Your child bride wears very expensive underwear.
It was stupid.
Nancy and I are suing you for custody.
Eculizumab.
It improves renal function.
It's also 10 grand a month out of pocket.
- You're short.
- You're an idiot.
We're normal people.
How many Jujubes did Jen take from Sam? - 36.
- Kenny, go inside.
But your friend's helping me.
Maybe there's something you can help me out with.
- What's that? - You ladies got passports? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
He wants us to pick something up for him in Canada.
What? I thought we were done with this.
He says it's better if we don't know.
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, come on.
- Oh, guys, seriously? - Just say it.
Drugs.
Up our asses.
- What? - Oh, yeah.
Otherwise you gotta swallow the baggie, which frankly seems even more uncomfortable.
You know, I'd almost rather shove No, nuh-uh.
That's not gonna happen.
Oh, you'd rather just declare a kilo at customs? I don't wanna smuggle drugs at all.
Don't say "kilo.
" Okay, when are we supposed to do this? - Friday.
- Well, I can't Friday.
I have a home visit for my custody case.
So you're gonna tell the man with the crying skull tattoo that Friday doesn't work for you? Fine, but we have to be back in time for me to clean up and get all the drugs out of my cavities.
He didn't say it was drugs, you guys.
It It could be something else, okay? - Like what? - Guns? - How is that better? - Can't fit up your ass.
Mama? I had a nightmare.
- Same.
- I'm sorry, bubba.
- I'll come rub your back, okay? - Mmm-hmm.
You guys, he said if we do this, he'll forget about the money.
And we're done.
It's over.
What if we don't? That didn't seem like an option.
Come on, sweetie.
Let's go to bed.
You ever seen "Locked Up Abroad?" No.
Good.
[SLURPS.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Sadie.
Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie.
[GROANS.]
- Kids need sleep to grow.
- Oh, wah.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
So what do you think they're gonna ask - on this home visit thing? - I don't know.
No, but like, what do they wanna know? Just, like, if you're a good mom.
Hmm.
So I shouldn't speak to them in my wee little leprechaun voice, then? Do you think that would embarrass my favorite child? - Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
I just know your dad and Nancy are gonna be, like, - wearing slacks.
- His and hers Dockers.
Eww.
Totally.
- Nancy's planning a menu.
- Wait, they're serving food? Scones.
Like, a tea or something.
Since when are they 80 and British? Hey, don't worry.
I'm gonna totally slay this thing.
You better.
I like it here.
[KISSES.]
Hi Hey, uh, what do I owe this pleasure? $4,000 we owe.
The mortgage.
We're going to default again this month.
Wanna tell me how you paid for it last month? No, thank you.
So I'll pool everything together, open all new accounts in my name, and I'll start fresh.
- That's a great idea.
- Thank you.
I mean, it would be if it was possible.
I have good credit.
Yeah, I mean, you haven't had a job since high school in the DQ.
So Because I've been raising four children.
Trust me, if I was the guy handing out credit, I I mean, I would give you all the credit in the world.
Look, I'm I'm working on it.
Like, our sales are up, and I feel really good.
If you just You know, if you give me some time You look so skinny.
I was.
You look happy.
I was.
Well, I gave it 20 years.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
That bad, huh? You have no idea.
I also think we should cross the border at Windsor.
Their border patrol's super nice there.
How do you know? Let's just say I made a lot of "field trips" - to "Canada" in "high school.
" - Why am I not surprised? - Anybody else? - No, I'm cutting back.
Now's not the time.
So we have the passports and we have directions.
Now we just need a car.
I would say we could take mine, but it got the boot.
- How many tickets? - Six is apparently the cutoff.
Now we know.
Well, Stan needs ours for the kids.
I don't want a bunch of heroin in my car.
- I drive my kids in that car.
- Good point.
Could be residue.
- We should just borrow a car.
- Or we could just steal one.
Or we could borrow it and bring it back, Bonnie.
From who? "We've got Chevys.
We've got Fords.
- We've got Chryslers, too.
" - No.
"So come on down to Boland Motors" - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- [TOGETHER.]
"And we'll put the vroom, vroom, vroom back in your engine.
" I said, "no.
" [LE TIGRE'S "NANNY NANNY BOO BOO".]
[BEEPING.]
Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Which one should we take? Oh, Ken doll! Barbie's home! Yeah, that won't attract any attention at all.
We gotta keep it low-key.
If we were good people, we'd take a hybrid.
- Oh, but we're not.
- Ooh, responsive headlights.
Dork.
No, this is so helpful at night.
Hey, check it out, you guys.
Making it rain.
- Oh, whoops.
- [ALARMS BLARING.]
- I hit the panic.
- Well, stop hitting panic! - Oh, my God! - Turn them off! - Push the same button! - You push the buttons, then! - Don't - Oh, my God, Annie! - Come on! - Stop it! [SCREAMS.]
[ALARMS BLARING.]
Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo [SLURPS.]
You'll never get it I guess this just is too new So what? Here are your coupons.
Have a fine and frugal morning.
Saw you put in for a personal day.
Hey, your bites are almost gone.
We're doing inventory tomorrow.
I was hoping they'd get infected and eat your face off.
So you can't have the day off.
- Unless - Unless what? Tell me what you're doing tomorrow? It's personal.
That's why it's called a personal day.
Were you gonna hit a bank next? I mean, what, you think you're freaking "Oceans 11?" Well, guess what? The all-girl version of that movie is gonna suck.
Yeah.
'Cause we all know girls aren't funny.
Oh, Mr.
Petersen.
We haven't seen you around much.
Oh, I, uh, took a bit of a camping trip.
- We love camping.
- Oh, who doesn't? Hey, you should show them the pictures from your trip.
I didn't take any.
Oh, I'm sure you did.
Actually my hands were pretty tied up.
Huh, what about that one that you sent to my daughter? I'd love to see it.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't wanna hold up the line.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Come on through.
Hey, thanks again for tomorrow, by the way.
Really appreciate it.
'Cause I know God has a plan for me.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS.]
- And if I'm being honest - Look alive, baby.
- I'm up.
- It probably does not - involve tequila.
- Amen.
Amen.
Bless you, brother.
- God is good.
- ALL: All the time.
Truly God is good.
Is there anyone else who wants to testify today? Anybody at all? Right here.
I would.
- Brother Stan.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Hi, everybody.
Uh I know you all been praying for our little girl, Sara.
It's been a long, hard road, and um We just wanna say thank you 'cause we needed a miracle.
And, uh And we got one.
[CHATTER.]
Baby girl's doing much better now.
And, uh, that's 'cause the the money The money that we needed to help her just, um [LAUGHS.]
Now, you all know I'm skeptical, now.
You know, I'm skeptical, but, uh That cash just showed up.
It just appeared.
All right.
Other people wanna talk.
Um Uh, we've been coming here for a long time.
So I don't know if the person who did this for us is here today in this congregation, but I hope someday I'll get the chance to meet you to say thank you for saving my family.
All right, don't hog the mic.
[APPLAUSE.]
- The Lord is good.
- Amen.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- My, my, my, my.
It broke my heart.
I couldn't see your little girl so sick like that.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Sheila, are you for real? I don't want a bunch of attention.
Well, it's too late, you angel.
- Come here.
- No.
- Come here.
Come here.
- [LAUGHS.]
[APPLAUSE.]
Praise God.
Praise God! Amen.
Let the church say Amen.
Thank you.
You saved our baby.
Miracles do happen.
Let the church say Amen.
Amen.
The woman gave us 10 grand.
Oh, yeah? What does she get for 20? Oh, show me how I was supposed to do it.
Hmm? Show me.
No, she wants a piece, and you know it.
- Oh, come on.
- Yeah, since high school.
And she's so fake with that, "I don't want attention.
" - Bitch, please.
- Are you hearing - yourself right now? - And then you had to invite her over? What am I supposed to cook? Cook her spaghetti! What What is wrong with you, - is what I'm asking.
- Do not call me crazy.
Well, if the shoe fits.
Okay, I'll make this woman dinner.
And when she comes over here, if she wants another hug, I'm gonna give her one of those, too.
Okay, Ruby, she saved our kid's life.
- Stan - We couldn't.
Am I wrong? Come on, Ruby.
Am I wrong? No, you're not wrong.
You know, you need to have some fun on your girls' trip, 'cause you really need to chill.
[BOSCO & SPEAKERFOXXX'S "SHOOTER".]
Don't hold the wheel like that.
How am I holding it? Like you already have the drugs up your butt.
You're about to cross the border into Canada.
Please have your passports and all necessary documents ready Do they pull you over on the way in? Well, if they do, it's not like we have anything in the car.
Duh.
Please get out my face I brought Stan's gun.
- What? - What? Relax.
It's in my purse, and it's not loaded.
Why would you do that? I thought it was smart to bring protection.
We're committing a crime in a foreign country.
It's Canada! We're not meeting El Chapo in Guatemala here! - El Chapo's actually Mexico.
- Oh, Jesus, whatever.
[GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT.]
What are we doing, you guys? This is so crazy.
Yeah, it is.
What if we get caught? I mean, it's not like we have a choice, right? - There's always a choice.
- And then what? What happens when he shows up again? In front of our kids? Dude, it's never gonna end.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Unless we end it.
Tell me to turn around.
Please say it.
Please, please someone say it.
[HORN HONKS.]
[HORN HONKING.]
Passports, please.
Here you go.
Have a nice day.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Still think it's drugs? Worse.
Scrapbooking.
He said to go around the back.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[INDIGO GIRLS' "CLOSER TO FINE" PLAYS.]
I went to the doctor I went to the mountains I looked to the children [MUMBLING.]
[CLICKS.]
Damn.
What's your problem? We're not at Lilith Fair right now.
Mmm, but wouldn't you rather be? Mmm, tough call.
Damn, someone's in a mood.
Uh, going through something with Stan.
What, did he rub your feet too much? Been hugging on you too hard? Some woman at church took credit for the money.
Wait, for Sara? What, who? Some thirsty skank who's been after Stan for years.
[SCOFFS.]
Damn.
I mean, it's Stan.
It's not like she actually has any kind of in.
Yeah, but it's the fact that she has the nerve to think she does, and that's enough to bug.
I feel you.
Mmm.
Mmm-mmm.
All right.
This doesn't look good.
- So, what happened? - He doesn't have it.
What do you mean, he doesn't have it? He doesn't have the package for us.
He doesn't have it, or he won't give it to you? Why wouldn't he give it to me? [SIGHS.]
Maybe he wants to keep it - for himself.
- You think? [SIGHS.]
Canadians.
- What's his name? - Mike.
- Wait, what are you doing? - Handling it.
He really seemed like he didn't have Well, what does she think she's gonna do? These boxes, put one of them Half of them on the pallet, half of them on that pallet.
- And there's some - Hey.
- Beautiful day, eh? - Mmm.
Big Mike? Can I call you Big Mike? No, look, I already told your friend, I don't have No, no, I know.
She's so lame.
She's not the one to talk to about this, okay? I know you see us, you think, "Hey.
" You You think we're some low-hanging fruit, right? Little Little pay day, a side hustle for you? Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? [SIGHS.]
Hey, Mike.
Just Just humor me, okay? For a sec here? Do you have sisters? - Two.
- Okay, all right.
- Well, what do they do? - [LAUGHS.]
One's a receptionist, one's a teacher.
Okay, well they sound like really nice, normal people.
So just for a second, just picture them in our position, okay? They are terrified.
They're in way over their heads.
And they just need somebody to give them a break, okay? Otherwise they are totally screwed.
Don't you wanna give your sisters a break, Mike? You don't wanna screw your sisters.
I don't get it.
I thought we were connecting.
I mean, I was so nice.
All right, well, nice isn't gonna cut it.
BOTH: Whoa! Are you serious? Don't point that at me.
Relax.
I'm just gonna scare him a little.
- Damn, gangsta.
- Relax.
Who are you? I'll be right back.
[FUNKY MUSIC.]
- So, Mike, my friends - [GUNSHOT.]
- Oh, my god! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- Oh, my God! - You shot him! I didn't mean to! I thought you said it wasn't loaded! There must have been one in the chamber! - You shot me in the foot! - I'm so sorry! - Oh, Big Mike! - What can I do? Stay away from me.
Just stay away from me! Take what you came for and get out of here.
The box is in back that way.
- Okay, come on.
- Okay.
[WHIMPERING.]
Forgive me, Lord Jesus.
Have mercy on me.
I did not mean to shoot that man.
I pray to Thee for forgiveness for all my past transgressions.
It just needs a Band-Aid.
It was a graze.
In the foot.
He's being a baby.
He's gonna live.
May not walk again, but He's about to get the best free care - socialized medicine can buy.
- We should all be so lucky.
I shot a man.
Passports? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- Quick trip.
- Uh, yeah.
Just a little shopping.
Have all the receipts for your purchases? That should be everything.
Everything looks in order.
Pull on over to lane three.
- Is that the express lane? - Search and seizure.
Just need to verify your purchases, and you're good to go.
[DOG BARKS, POLICE RADIO CHATTER CRACKLES.]
- Hi, little baby! - Miss! Please do not engage the dog.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, Brian.
Box cutter.
- What's that? - Oh, Jesus.
- Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
- Give me.
Right there.
- Be cool.
- Mmm-hmm.
What did they say? I don't know.
Have a safe trip home.
Thank you for your patience.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
When I was younger, I was insane for fame In big letters up in lights That dog would have smelled drugs, right? - Yeah.
- So what is it? I've got something to say Get in there.
Come on.
I'm a little older, but Is it Is it on the inside? - I don't see anything.
- No, I don't think so.
- Guys - It's gotta be inside then.
It's wrapping paper.
It's just wrapping paper.
I want it I own it - What? - I want it This is it? Are we supposed to knock or something? [DOOR CLANGS.]
[DOOR RATTLING.]
Okay.
Okay.
[ODESZA'S "LA CIUDAD".]
Holy mother.
All right, ladies, this is gonna happen.
Hang on.
- Well, tell them we're at capacity, okay? - They don't wanna hear that.
I don't care if that's what they wanna hear or not.
It's gonna be happening.
Look at this place.
- We're already filled up.
- Excuse me.
- Hi.
Excuse me.
- We're moving double what we - did six months ago, and we're good.
- Excuse me.
I'm tired of dealing with him.
I don't wanna deal with him anymore.
- No, no, no, Hey, guys.
- I just need to know we're good.
If not, we renegotiate, okay? Start at 40 crates, go up only as needed.
- 40? - Yeah.
I need you to make a tally every 100,000.
No one's gonna show up at my house, no guys, no guns? I can find ten different guys to do what they do.
- I'll get on top of that.
- All right.
No, guys, in the back, let's keep it going.
Let's keep it going.
Yep, yep, yep.
It's all good.
Just make sure you keep an eye on your stacks.
It's all gotta be tight, tight, tight.
I want 100s here, 50s here.
Okay, separate them.
I don't want what happened last time, okay? No, I'm gonna need to hear you say it.
We're good.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- Can I get you anything else? - Oh, yeah.
We're gonna take another round of these pineapple margaritas, please? Extra strong this time.
And then we also want one of those fried onion things that has, like, the arms that stick out.
You know those? - Nachos! - Yes.
Nachos, and, um, uh, the, uh, poppers.
- Yeah.
Uh, jalapeño poppers.
- Two orders of those, please.
- She's a lightweight.
- Are we celebrating today, ladies? Oh, I would certainly say so.
Yeah.
- Uh, yeah.
- What's the special occasion? Oh, we just smuggled a bunch of counterfeit money over the Canadian border and escaped a violent street gang.
- And no drugs in our butts.
- No drugs in our butts! - Yay! - Yay, no drugs in our butts.
[LAUGHTER.]
Pretty special, huh? - I'll put that right in.
- Thank you.
- Oh, she hates us.
- No, I think she loves us.
Oh, my God.
How much money do you think that was? It was one bajillion dollars, actually.
I've never seen that much cash in my life.
I mean, fake money.
But yeah.
Well, I mean, it's real to somebody.
Yeah, but it's no longer our problem.
- Whoo! - So here's to going back - to normal life.
- Yes.
L'chaim to that.
Yeah, to normal life.
- [CLINKING.]
- Normal life.
[SLURPING.]
You okay? [SLURPING.]
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna, um, call the kids, though.
Oh, boy, that reminds me.
I We should probably get the check with the food just 'cause, like, you know, to be safe.
Oh, we have time.
You'll get home.
I know, it's just I, like, really need this to go well.
You know, like, it has to.
It's gonna go great.
You are a good mom.
Just chill.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks.
I shot a man.
- How are the kids? - Good, great.
When when are you coming back? I got a little bit of a situation here.
- Yeah, what's going on? - Well, um, It's, uh, it's the craziest thing.
We got hit.
I mean, I don't know how many cars, but we have a lot of police officers everywhere.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We'll come right now.
You guys, they know about the car.
Check, please! We'll dump it on the side of the road.
Let the cops do their job.
Yeah, I mean, they already know it's stolen.
No one suspects a thing.
Oh, hey, there's that empty parking lot off I-94.
You know, by the Chrysler plant? - Yep, that's perfect.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[BEEPING.]
Hold up.
You synched your phone? So? I mean, I wanted my music for the road trip.
So it has your name and all of your contacts in a car that was reported stolen.
- Okay, so we just unsynch it.
- How do I do that? - You can't.
- Oh, of course you can.
- Just - No, Dean borrowed my minivan, like, once, and it still asks me if I wanna connect to his pocket rocket.
- [BEEPS.]
- Look, there.
It's wiped.
Go ahead.
Restart the car.
Go ahead.
[ENGINE STOPS AND RESTARTS.]
[BEEPING.]
- Hmm.
- Yeah, hmm.
[BEEPING.]
Okay, you know, I'm thinking we may just have to reboot - the whole thing.
- What are you - What are you talking about? - The actual hard drive - of the actual car.
- What? What are you even talking about? I don't know, I'm just saying words that I've heard before.
- What now? - Well, we have to torch it.
- You wanna blow up a car? - We're not doing that.
Beth, it has my digital fingerprints on it! In the middle of rush hour traffic, - you wanna blow up a car.
- Do you have a better idea? [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
- You know, I just - Nope.
- I just wanna - Nuh-uh.
[SPLASHING.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello, did I lose you? Hello? Hello? Hi, it's Clare Davis.
I'm here for your custody evaluation.
Jesus, my God! Oh, my God! - Okay.
- It's almost 7:00.
Hi, hi, I'm so sorry.
I'm just running a little bit late.
I'm having a little bit of Car trouble.
Well, how far away are you? Not far! [SPLASHING.]
This is us at Six Flags.
My mom looks kind of weird because she just barfed.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I, uh, I always do after Big Blue, right? [LAUGHS.]
She still goes on it - with me anyway.
- Uh, hi.
I'm Annie.
I'm so, so, so sorry I, uh, am so late.
My day just got crazy.
Oh, how so? She does a lot of charity work.
With kids.
Yeah, I love kids.
You know, sick kids.
And healthy kids.
I mean, who doesn't love healthy kids? Wow, I can't stop saying "kids.
" What kind of children do you work with? - Mentally disabled.
- Cancer Kind.
Cancer and they are also mentally disabled, yeah.
So it's really sad.
Wow, yeah, uh, well, you must be exhausted.
Um, I'll make this quick.
I just have a few standard questions.
Shrimp? [SIGHS.]
- Kids just went down.
- Okay, good.
Now we got business.
Can we please do this tomorrow? Nope.
I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
She can come over for dinner.
Once, okay? Nope.
What more do you want from me? Your hands where I can see them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Seriously? Oh, yeah.
Babe, I'm legit so tired.
Yeah, but you just came back from a girls' trip.
Trust me, it was not relaxing.
Oh, you could just lie there.
- I was stupid.
- I know.
[CALM MUSIC.]
I love you.
I know.
Neatest homework packets.
What does that even mean, right? That means your daughter is one impressive young lady.
Okay, I just need to take a quick peek in your mom's bedroom, and then I am out of here.
- No, wait.
- Sweetie! - Oh, my God! - What happened? - Nothing.
- Okay, that doesn't look - like nothing.
- It's fine.
How long has this been bleeding like this? Since I made the shrimp.
Okay, how long did you leave her alone today? I have to get you a Band-Aid.
We don't have any.
I already looked.
If this is a latchkey situation, I'm gonna have to report it.
- It's totally not.
- Honey, it's okay, Sadie.
- She never leaves me alone.
- Sadie.
Normally, I don't.
But today I had to.
I had something really important come up, and I I just lost track of the time.
Because of the mentally disabled cancer kids? Sadie, I have to take you to a hospital.
I I think you need stitches.
Your car has the boot.
The boot.
Um I'm kind of in between vehicles at the moment.
Any chance you could give us a lift? Okay, come on, boo.
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.
- [CREAKING.]
Oh, ooh, your feet smell like you're a high school football player.
- Mmm-mmm.
- Hey, I love you so much.
You know that? I love you all the way to the moon and back.
[KISSES.]
Hey.
Good night, boo.
[KISSES.]
Hey, would you mind if I steal some cold cuts? Getting pretty tired of eating hotel vending machine for dinner.
Sure.
Thanks.
So, how many cars did they take? Oh, don't know yet.
Still doing intake.
Which, of course, I have to pay for.
What about insurance? Oh, even with a claim, we take a hit.
Oh.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS.]
It's not your fault.
Oh, this is a lifesaver.
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, so [CLEARS THROAT.]
I have been thinking about our little sitch.
And If we were smart, we would get back together.
[STAMMERS.]
Just hear me out.
Okay, so look.
I would totally wanna divorce my ass, too.
But in the end, I wouldn't.
I would not.
Why not? Why not? Because of the ancient rule of two.
- The ancient rule of two? - Yes.
Two houses, two mortgages, two two cable bills.
Okay.
Two water sewage garbage fees? I mean, that that that's craziness.
Wow, it is so romantic, the way you're wooing me right now, honestly.
I'm not wooing you.
I'm begging you not to leave me.
By way of sewage fees.
Well, I was gonna mention that you are the love of my life.
And that I wish everything could go back to the way it was.
Because I had no damn idea how good I had it until it was gone, but then I thought that sounded kind of cheesy, so I decided to focus on the cable bill, which kind of isn't really playing out like I thought it was gonna.
Look, I I know you hate me right now.
I don't hate you.
[SCOFFS.]
Good.
Look, I just I just don't think we have much of a choice.
There's always a choice.
[GIN WIGMORE'S "WRITTEN IN THE WATER".]
I was born by the devil I was left here to die I was held up for ransom under cold summer skies I was told not to love him I was told not to try [BANGING.]
'Til he said he'd be mine He will leave me for younger he will leave me to cry Cut the knife a little deeper Count the days I survived I will run to the river I will reach for the well Drown my sorrows in someone In the hope I leave this hell I was told not to love him I was told not to try I was lonely the only 'til he said he'd be mine He will leave me for younger he will leave me to cry Cut the knife a little deeper Count the days I survived Yeah it's written in the water Yeah it's everywhere I go Telling me that I should leave you Like I did two times before I'd be fine if I met you And you'd still have had to roam Give me one kiss for the road Now it's time I let you go I will run to the river I will won't be what you like Yeah, it's one kiss for the road And it's time I let you go Hey, I'm gonna call that fancy lawyer.
See if she can get us a do-over.
No shrimp this time.
I'm gonna go big.
Like crab legs.
- [BOTTLE OPENING.]
- [SNIFFS.]
I'm sorry.
I suck.
[SIGHS.]
Do you hear me? I I said I'm sorry.
I suck.
Where were you? I had to do something really, really important.
What's more important than me? [MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
There is literally nothing in my entire life that is more important to me than you.
I'm going to bed.
Tell me the Lord is good, now.
- He's good! - [APPLAUSE.]
He's good, I tell you.
The Lord is good.
Hey, man, is there anyone else who wants to testify this morning? Anybody? - I would.
- Ah.
- You would? - I would.
Sister Ruby.
Hello, everyone.
Um, I would just like to follow up on the other day.
To be totally honest, I am not feeling super good about it.
Sheila, you went above and beyond for our little girl.
I don't even know how you put together all that money.
You're still at the salon, right? I've saved here and there over the years.
Well, listen.
I realize that I reacted badly.
Because I have a hard time taking charity.
Pride is a sin, as we all know.
ALL: Amen.
So I would just like to say something that I should have said before.
Which is thank you.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Thank you for the money.
You're welcome.
And thank you for offering to drive the kids home from school when I'm at work.
And thanks for offering to babysit so that we can have a date night.
And offering to do the laundry and, oh, my God, the groceries.
- At Whole Foods, no less.
- Seriously? Because this woman This woman only buys - organic, people.
- [APPLAUSE.]
I don't even know what to say.
There's nothing to say.
But thank you.
Got it.
I know you do.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Praise the Lord.
God bless you, Sheila.
Sometimes our prayer simply needs to be "Lord Jesus, "help me to learn to be generous.
To labor and to not seek reward.
" - Let us all simply say - ALL: Amen.
[SHOPPING CARTS RATTLING.]
Well, look who's finally using the pen.
Yeah, it just felt a little crispy.
- Hmm, let me try.
- Uh, no, I'm sure it's fine.
- I mean - Let me see.
It's legit.
Good thing, 'cause customer's long gone.
Next time try checking before they leave the store.
Good pro tip.
Oh, uh, do anything fun on your day off? Just hung out with my kid.
Is that all? Is there something you wanna ask me? Just making conversation.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
Sadie.
Are you awake? You know the traditions is Jordans over a phone line, right? I only had pumps.
Fair enough.
So what'd you wanna talk to me about? [GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- How'd you do that? - This is a robbery.
- No, I'm turning you in.
- Boomer, please! - It is over! No, please! [SCREAMS.]
[SHOUTING.]
You can't leave me here forever.
There he is.
- [GRUNTS.]
- She's gonna cut his penis off.
- Ooh! - What are you doing? Texting a picture of your penis to my daughter.
- No.
- If you go to the cops, - so will I.
- Oh, hell no.
I mean, it was either you or my 11-year-old.
- You know? - Hostage peen.
- [LAUGHS.]
- We'll put the vroom, vroom, vroom back in your engine.
Do you think he's sleeping around? Your child bride wears very expensive underwear.
It was stupid.
Nancy and I are suing you for custody.
Eculizumab.
It improves renal function.
It's also 10 grand a month out of pocket.
- You're short.
- You're an idiot.
We're normal people.
How many Jujubes did Jen take from Sam? - 36.
- Kenny, go inside.
But your friend's helping me.
Maybe there's something you can help me out with.
- What's that? - You ladies got passports? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
He wants us to pick something up for him in Canada.
What? I thought we were done with this.
He says it's better if we don't know.
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, come on.
- Oh, guys, seriously? - Just say it.
Drugs.
Up our asses.
- What? - Oh, yeah.
Otherwise you gotta swallow the baggie, which frankly seems even more uncomfortable.
You know, I'd almost rather shove No, nuh-uh.
That's not gonna happen.
Oh, you'd rather just declare a kilo at customs? I don't wanna smuggle drugs at all.
Don't say "kilo.
" Okay, when are we supposed to do this? - Friday.
- Well, I can't Friday.
I have a home visit for my custody case.
So you're gonna tell the man with the crying skull tattoo that Friday doesn't work for you? Fine, but we have to be back in time for me to clean up and get all the drugs out of my cavities.
He didn't say it was drugs, you guys.
It It could be something else, okay? - Like what? - Guns? - How is that better? - Can't fit up your ass.
Mama? I had a nightmare.
- Same.
- I'm sorry, bubba.
- I'll come rub your back, okay? - Mmm-hmm.
You guys, he said if we do this, he'll forget about the money.
And we're done.
It's over.
What if we don't? That didn't seem like an option.
Come on, sweetie.
Let's go to bed.
You ever seen "Locked Up Abroad?" No.
Good.
[SLURPS.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Sadie.
Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie, Sadie.
[GROANS.]
- Kids need sleep to grow.
- Oh, wah.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
So what do you think they're gonna ask - on this home visit thing? - I don't know.
No, but like, what do they wanna know? Just, like, if you're a good mom.
Hmm.
So I shouldn't speak to them in my wee little leprechaun voice, then? Do you think that would embarrass my favorite child? - Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
I just know your dad and Nancy are gonna be, like, - wearing slacks.
- His and hers Dockers.
Eww.
Totally.
- Nancy's planning a menu.
- Wait, they're serving food? Scones.
Like, a tea or something.
Since when are they 80 and British? Hey, don't worry.
I'm gonna totally slay this thing.
You better.
I like it here.
[KISSES.]
Hi Hey, uh, what do I owe this pleasure? $4,000 we owe.
The mortgage.
We're going to default again this month.
Wanna tell me how you paid for it last month? No, thank you.
So I'll pool everything together, open all new accounts in my name, and I'll start fresh.
- That's a great idea.
- Thank you.
I mean, it would be if it was possible.
I have good credit.
Yeah, I mean, you haven't had a job since high school in the DQ.
So Because I've been raising four children.
Trust me, if I was the guy handing out credit, I I mean, I would give you all the credit in the world.
Look, I'm I'm working on it.
Like, our sales are up, and I feel really good.
If you just You know, if you give me some time You look so skinny.
I was.
You look happy.
I was.
Well, I gave it 20 years.
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
That bad, huh? You have no idea.
I also think we should cross the border at Windsor.
Their border patrol's super nice there.
How do you know? Let's just say I made a lot of "field trips" - to "Canada" in "high school.
" - Why am I not surprised? - Anybody else? - No, I'm cutting back.
Now's not the time.
So we have the passports and we have directions.
Now we just need a car.
I would say we could take mine, but it got the boot.
- How many tickets? - Six is apparently the cutoff.
Now we know.
Well, Stan needs ours for the kids.
I don't want a bunch of heroin in my car.
- I drive my kids in that car.
- Good point.
Could be residue.
- We should just borrow a car.
- Or we could just steal one.
Or we could borrow it and bring it back, Bonnie.
From who? "We've got Chevys.
We've got Fords.
- We've got Chryslers, too.
" - No.
"So come on down to Boland Motors" - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- [TOGETHER.]
"And we'll put the vroom, vroom, vroom back in your engine.
" I said, "no.
" [LE TIGRE'S "NANNY NANNY BOO BOO".]
[BEEPING.]
Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo Which one should we take? Oh, Ken doll! Barbie's home! Yeah, that won't attract any attention at all.
We gotta keep it low-key.
If we were good people, we'd take a hybrid.
- Oh, but we're not.
- Ooh, responsive headlights.
Dork.
No, this is so helpful at night.
Hey, check it out, you guys.
Making it rain.
- Oh, whoops.
- [ALARMS BLARING.]
- I hit the panic.
- Well, stop hitting panic! - Oh, my God! - Turn them off! - Push the same button! - You push the buttons, then! - Don't - Oh, my God, Annie! - Come on! - Stop it! [SCREAMS.]
[ALARMS BLARING.]
Nanny nanny nanny nanny boo boo [SLURPS.]
You'll never get it I guess this just is too new So what? Here are your coupons.
Have a fine and frugal morning.
Saw you put in for a personal day.
Hey, your bites are almost gone.
We're doing inventory tomorrow.
I was hoping they'd get infected and eat your face off.
So you can't have the day off.
- Unless - Unless what? Tell me what you're doing tomorrow? It's personal.
That's why it's called a personal day.
Were you gonna hit a bank next? I mean, what, you think you're freaking "Oceans 11?" Well, guess what? The all-girl version of that movie is gonna suck.
Yeah.
'Cause we all know girls aren't funny.
Oh, Mr.
Petersen.
We haven't seen you around much.
Oh, I, uh, took a bit of a camping trip.
- We love camping.
- Oh, who doesn't? Hey, you should show them the pictures from your trip.
I didn't take any.
Oh, I'm sure you did.
Actually my hands were pretty tied up.
Huh, what about that one that you sent to my daughter? I'd love to see it.
[CHUCKLES.]
I don't wanna hold up the line.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Come on through.
Hey, thanks again for tomorrow, by the way.
Really appreciate it.
'Cause I know God has a plan for me.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS.]
- And if I'm being honest - Look alive, baby.
- I'm up.
- It probably does not - involve tequila.
- Amen.
Amen.
Bless you, brother.
- God is good.
- ALL: All the time.
Truly God is good.
Is there anyone else who wants to testify today? Anybody at all? Right here.
I would.
- Brother Stan.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
Hi, everybody.
Uh I know you all been praying for our little girl, Sara.
It's been a long, hard road, and um We just wanna say thank you 'cause we needed a miracle.
And, uh And we got one.
[CHATTER.]
Baby girl's doing much better now.
And, uh, that's 'cause the the money The money that we needed to help her just, um [LAUGHS.]
Now, you all know I'm skeptical, now.
You know, I'm skeptical, but, uh That cash just showed up.
It just appeared.
All right.
Other people wanna talk.
Um Uh, we've been coming here for a long time.
So I don't know if the person who did this for us is here today in this congregation, but I hope someday I'll get the chance to meet you to say thank you for saving my family.
All right, don't hog the mic.
[APPLAUSE.]
- The Lord is good.
- Amen.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- My, my, my, my.
It broke my heart.
I couldn't see your little girl so sick like that.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Sheila, are you for real? I don't want a bunch of attention.
Well, it's too late, you angel.
- Come here.
- No.
- Come here.
Come here.
- [LAUGHS.]
[APPLAUSE.]
Praise God.
Praise God! Amen.
Let the church say Amen.
Thank you.
You saved our baby.
Miracles do happen.
Let the church say Amen.
Amen.
The woman gave us 10 grand.
Oh, yeah? What does she get for 20? Oh, show me how I was supposed to do it.
Hmm? Show me.
No, she wants a piece, and you know it.
- Oh, come on.
- Yeah, since high school.
And she's so fake with that, "I don't want attention.
" - Bitch, please.
- Are you hearing - yourself right now? - And then you had to invite her over? What am I supposed to cook? Cook her spaghetti! What What is wrong with you, - is what I'm asking.
- Do not call me crazy.
Well, if the shoe fits.
Okay, I'll make this woman dinner.
And when she comes over here, if she wants another hug, I'm gonna give her one of those, too.
Okay, Ruby, she saved our kid's life.
- Stan - We couldn't.
Am I wrong? Come on, Ruby.
Am I wrong? No, you're not wrong.
You know, you need to have some fun on your girls' trip, 'cause you really need to chill.
[BOSCO & SPEAKERFOXXX'S "SHOOTER".]
Don't hold the wheel like that.
How am I holding it? Like you already have the drugs up your butt.
You're about to cross the border into Canada.
Please have your passports and all necessary documents ready Do they pull you over on the way in? Well, if they do, it's not like we have anything in the car.
Duh.
Please get out my face I brought Stan's gun.
- What? - What? Relax.
It's in my purse, and it's not loaded.
Why would you do that? I thought it was smart to bring protection.
We're committing a crime in a foreign country.
It's Canada! We're not meeting El Chapo in Guatemala here! - El Chapo's actually Mexico.
- Oh, Jesus, whatever.
[GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT.]
What are we doing, you guys? This is so crazy.
Yeah, it is.
What if we get caught? I mean, it's not like we have a choice, right? - There's always a choice.
- And then what? What happens when he shows up again? In front of our kids? Dude, it's never gonna end.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
Unless we end it.
Tell me to turn around.
Please say it.
Please, please someone say it.
[HORN HONKS.]
[HORN HONKING.]
Passports, please.
Here you go.
Have a nice day.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Still think it's drugs? Worse.
Scrapbooking.
He said to go around the back.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[INDIGO GIRLS' "CLOSER TO FINE" PLAYS.]
I went to the doctor I went to the mountains I looked to the children [MUMBLING.]
[CLICKS.]
Damn.
What's your problem? We're not at Lilith Fair right now.
Mmm, but wouldn't you rather be? Mmm, tough call.
Damn, someone's in a mood.
Uh, going through something with Stan.
What, did he rub your feet too much? Been hugging on you too hard? Some woman at church took credit for the money.
Wait, for Sara? What, who? Some thirsty skank who's been after Stan for years.
[SCOFFS.]
Damn.
I mean, it's Stan.
It's not like she actually has any kind of in.
Yeah, but it's the fact that she has the nerve to think she does, and that's enough to bug.
I feel you.
Mmm.
Mmm-mmm.
All right.
This doesn't look good.
- So, what happened? - He doesn't have it.
What do you mean, he doesn't have it? He doesn't have the package for us.
He doesn't have it, or he won't give it to you? Why wouldn't he give it to me? [SIGHS.]
Maybe he wants to keep it - for himself.
- You think? [SIGHS.]
Canadians.
- What's his name? - Mike.
- Wait, what are you doing? - Handling it.
He really seemed like he didn't have Well, what does she think she's gonna do? These boxes, put one of them Half of them on the pallet, half of them on that pallet.
- And there's some - Hey.
- Beautiful day, eh? - Mmm.
Big Mike? Can I call you Big Mike? No, look, I already told your friend, I don't have No, no, I know.
She's so lame.
She's not the one to talk to about this, okay? I know you see us, you think, "Hey.
" You You think we're some low-hanging fruit, right? Little Little pay day, a side hustle for you? Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? [SIGHS.]
Hey, Mike.
Just Just humor me, okay? For a sec here? Do you have sisters? - Two.
- Okay, all right.
- Well, what do they do? - [LAUGHS.]
One's a receptionist, one's a teacher.
Okay, well they sound like really nice, normal people.
So just for a second, just picture them in our position, okay? They are terrified.
They're in way over their heads.
And they just need somebody to give them a break, okay? Otherwise they are totally screwed.
Don't you wanna give your sisters a break, Mike? You don't wanna screw your sisters.
I don't get it.
I thought we were connecting.
I mean, I was so nice.
All right, well, nice isn't gonna cut it.
BOTH: Whoa! Are you serious? Don't point that at me.
Relax.
I'm just gonna scare him a little.
- Damn, gangsta.
- Relax.
Who are you? I'll be right back.
[FUNKY MUSIC.]
- So, Mike, my friends - [GUNSHOT.]
- Oh, my god! - [SCREAMING.]
[BOTH SCREAMING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMING.]
- Oh, my God! - You shot him! I didn't mean to! I thought you said it wasn't loaded! There must have been one in the chamber! - You shot me in the foot! - I'm so sorry! - Oh, Big Mike! - What can I do? Stay away from me.
Just stay away from me! Take what you came for and get out of here.
The box is in back that way.
- Okay, come on.
- Okay.
[WHIMPERING.]
Forgive me, Lord Jesus.
Have mercy on me.
I did not mean to shoot that man.
I pray to Thee for forgiveness for all my past transgressions.
It just needs a Band-Aid.
It was a graze.
In the foot.
He's being a baby.
He's gonna live.
May not walk again, but He's about to get the best free care - socialized medicine can buy.
- We should all be so lucky.
I shot a man.
Passports? [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
- Quick trip.
- Uh, yeah.
Just a little shopping.
Have all the receipts for your purchases? That should be everything.
Everything looks in order.
Pull on over to lane three.
- Is that the express lane? - Search and seizure.
Just need to verify your purchases, and you're good to go.
[DOG BARKS, POLICE RADIO CHATTER CRACKLES.]
- Hi, little baby! - Miss! Please do not engage the dog.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey, Brian.
Box cutter.
- What's that? - Oh, Jesus.
- Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
- Give me.
Right there.
- Be cool.
- Mmm-hmm.
What did they say? I don't know.
Have a safe trip home.
Thank you for your patience.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
When I was younger, I was insane for fame In big letters up in lights That dog would have smelled drugs, right? - Yeah.
- So what is it? I've got something to say Get in there.
Come on.
I'm a little older, but Is it Is it on the inside? - I don't see anything.
- No, I don't think so.
- Guys - It's gotta be inside then.
It's wrapping paper.
It's just wrapping paper.
I want it I own it - What? - I want it This is it? Are we supposed to knock or something? [DOOR CLANGS.]
[DOOR RATTLING.]
Okay.
Okay.
[ODESZA'S "LA CIUDAD".]
Holy mother.
All right, ladies, this is gonna happen.
Hang on.
- Well, tell them we're at capacity, okay? - They don't wanna hear that.
I don't care if that's what they wanna hear or not.
It's gonna be happening.
Look at this place.
- We're already filled up.
- Excuse me.
- Hi.
Excuse me.
- We're moving double what we - did six months ago, and we're good.
- Excuse me.
I'm tired of dealing with him.
I don't wanna deal with him anymore.
- No, no, no, Hey, guys.
- I just need to know we're good.
If not, we renegotiate, okay? Start at 40 crates, go up only as needed.
- 40? - Yeah.
I need you to make a tally every 100,000.
No one's gonna show up at my house, no guys, no guns? I can find ten different guys to do what they do.
- I'll get on top of that.
- All right.
No, guys, in the back, let's keep it going.
Let's keep it going.
Yep, yep, yep.
It's all good.
Just make sure you keep an eye on your stacks.
It's all gotta be tight, tight, tight.
I want 100s here, 50s here.
Okay, separate them.
I don't want what happened last time, okay? No, I'm gonna need to hear you say it.
We're good.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- Can I get you anything else? - Oh, yeah.
We're gonna take another round of these pineapple margaritas, please? Extra strong this time.
And then we also want one of those fried onion things that has, like, the arms that stick out.
You know those? - Nachos! - Yes.
Nachos, and, um, uh, the, uh, poppers.
- Yeah.
Uh, jalapeño poppers.
- Two orders of those, please.
- She's a lightweight.
- Are we celebrating today, ladies? Oh, I would certainly say so.
Yeah.
- Uh, yeah.
- What's the special occasion? Oh, we just smuggled a bunch of counterfeit money over the Canadian border and escaped a violent street gang.
- And no drugs in our butts.
- No drugs in our butts! - Yay! - Yay, no drugs in our butts.
[LAUGHTER.]
Pretty special, huh? - I'll put that right in.
- Thank you.
- Oh, she hates us.
- No, I think she loves us.
Oh, my God.
How much money do you think that was? It was one bajillion dollars, actually.
I've never seen that much cash in my life.
I mean, fake money.
But yeah.
Well, I mean, it's real to somebody.
Yeah, but it's no longer our problem.
- Whoo! - So here's to going back - to normal life.
- Yes.
L'chaim to that.
Yeah, to normal life.
- [CLINKING.]
- Normal life.
[SLURPING.]
You okay? [SLURPING.]
Yeah.
I think I'm gonna, um, call the kids, though.
Oh, boy, that reminds me.
I We should probably get the check with the food just 'cause, like, you know, to be safe.
Oh, we have time.
You'll get home.
I know, it's just I, like, really need this to go well.
You know, like, it has to.
It's gonna go great.
You are a good mom.
Just chill.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks.
I shot a man.
- How are the kids? - Good, great.
When when are you coming back? I got a little bit of a situation here.
- Yeah, what's going on? - Well, um, It's, uh, it's the craziest thing.
We got hit.
I mean, I don't know how many cars, but we have a lot of police officers everywhere.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We'll come right now.
You guys, they know about the car.
Check, please! We'll dump it on the side of the road.
Let the cops do their job.
Yeah, I mean, they already know it's stolen.
No one suspects a thing.
Oh, hey, there's that empty parking lot off I-94.
You know, by the Chrysler plant? - Yep, that's perfect.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[BEEPING.]
Hold up.
You synched your phone? So? I mean, I wanted my music for the road trip.
So it has your name and all of your contacts in a car that was reported stolen.
- Okay, so we just unsynch it.
- How do I do that? - You can't.
- Oh, of course you can.
- Just - No, Dean borrowed my minivan, like, once, and it still asks me if I wanna connect to his pocket rocket.
- [BEEPS.]
- Look, there.
It's wiped.
Go ahead.
Restart the car.
Go ahead.
[ENGINE STOPS AND RESTARTS.]
[BEEPING.]
- Hmm.
- Yeah, hmm.
[BEEPING.]
Okay, you know, I'm thinking we may just have to reboot - the whole thing.
- What are you - What are you talking about? - The actual hard drive - of the actual car.
- What? What are you even talking about? I don't know, I'm just saying words that I've heard before.
- What now? - Well, we have to torch it.
- You wanna blow up a car? - We're not doing that.
Beth, it has my digital fingerprints on it! In the middle of rush hour traffic, - you wanna blow up a car.
- Do you have a better idea? [QUIRKY MUSIC.]
- You know, I just - Nope.
- I just wanna - Nuh-uh.
[SPLASHING.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[CELL PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello, did I lose you? Hello? Hello? Hi, it's Clare Davis.
I'm here for your custody evaluation.
Jesus, my God! Oh, my God! - Okay.
- It's almost 7:00.
Hi, hi, I'm so sorry.
I'm just running a little bit late.
I'm having a little bit of Car trouble.
Well, how far away are you? Not far! [SPLASHING.]
This is us at Six Flags.
My mom looks kind of weird because she just barfed.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, I, uh, I always do after Big Blue, right? [LAUGHS.]
She still goes on it - with me anyway.
- Uh, hi.
I'm Annie.
I'm so, so, so sorry I, uh, am so late.
My day just got crazy.
Oh, how so? She does a lot of charity work.
With kids.
Yeah, I love kids.
You know, sick kids.
And healthy kids.
I mean, who doesn't love healthy kids? Wow, I can't stop saying "kids.
" What kind of children do you work with? - Mentally disabled.
- Cancer Kind.
Cancer and they are also mentally disabled, yeah.
So it's really sad.
Wow, yeah, uh, well, you must be exhausted.
Um, I'll make this quick.
I just have a few standard questions.
Shrimp? [SIGHS.]
- Kids just went down.
- Okay, good.
Now we got business.
Can we please do this tomorrow? Nope.
I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
She can come over for dinner.
Once, okay? Nope.
What more do you want from me? Your hands where I can see them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Seriously? Oh, yeah.
Babe, I'm legit so tired.
Yeah, but you just came back from a girls' trip.
Trust me, it was not relaxing.
Oh, you could just lie there.
- I was stupid.
- I know.
[CALM MUSIC.]
I love you.
I know.
Neatest homework packets.
What does that even mean, right? That means your daughter is one impressive young lady.
Okay, I just need to take a quick peek in your mom's bedroom, and then I am out of here.
- No, wait.
- Sweetie! - Oh, my God! - What happened? - Nothing.
- Okay, that doesn't look - like nothing.
- It's fine.
How long has this been bleeding like this? Since I made the shrimp.
Okay, how long did you leave her alone today? I have to get you a Band-Aid.
We don't have any.
I already looked.
If this is a latchkey situation, I'm gonna have to report it.
- It's totally not.
- Honey, it's okay, Sadie.
- She never leaves me alone.
- Sadie.
Normally, I don't.
But today I had to.
I had something really important come up, and I I just lost track of the time.
Because of the mentally disabled cancer kids? Sadie, I have to take you to a hospital.
I I think you need stitches.
Your car has the boot.
The boot.
Um I'm kind of in between vehicles at the moment.
Any chance you could give us a lift? Okay, come on, boo.
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.
- [CREAKING.]
Oh, ooh, your feet smell like you're a high school football player.
- Mmm-mmm.
- Hey, I love you so much.
You know that? I love you all the way to the moon and back.
[KISSES.]
Hey.
Good night, boo.
[KISSES.]
Hey, would you mind if I steal some cold cuts? Getting pretty tired of eating hotel vending machine for dinner.
Sure.
Thanks.
So, how many cars did they take? Oh, don't know yet.
Still doing intake.
Which, of course, I have to pay for.
What about insurance? Oh, even with a claim, we take a hit.
Oh.
Sorry.
[LAUGHS.]
It's not your fault.
Oh, this is a lifesaver.
Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, so [CLEARS THROAT.]
I have been thinking about our little sitch.
And If we were smart, we would get back together.
[STAMMERS.]
Just hear me out.
Okay, so look.
I would totally wanna divorce my ass, too.
But in the end, I wouldn't.
I would not.
Why not? Why not? Because of the ancient rule of two.
- The ancient rule of two? - Yes.
Two houses, two mortgages, two two cable bills.
Okay.
Two water sewage garbage fees? I mean, that that that's craziness.
Wow, it is so romantic, the way you're wooing me right now, honestly.
I'm not wooing you.
I'm begging you not to leave me.
By way of sewage fees.
Well, I was gonna mention that you are the love of my life.
And that I wish everything could go back to the way it was.
Because I had no damn idea how good I had it until it was gone, but then I thought that sounded kind of cheesy, so I decided to focus on the cable bill, which kind of isn't really playing out like I thought it was gonna.
Look, I I know you hate me right now.
I don't hate you.
[SCOFFS.]
Good.
Look, I just I just don't think we have much of a choice.
There's always a choice.
[GIN WIGMORE'S "WRITTEN IN THE WATER".]
I was born by the devil I was left here to die I was held up for ransom under cold summer skies I was told not to love him I was told not to try [BANGING.]
'Til he said he'd be mine He will leave me for younger he will leave me to cry Cut the knife a little deeper Count the days I survived I will run to the river I will reach for the well Drown my sorrows in someone In the hope I leave this hell I was told not to love him I was told not to try I was lonely the only 'til he said he'd be mine He will leave me for younger he will leave me to cry Cut the knife a little deeper Count the days I survived Yeah it's written in the water Yeah it's everywhere I go Telling me that I should leave you Like I did two times before I'd be fine if I met you And you'd still have had to roam Give me one kiss for the road Now it's time I let you go I will run to the river I will won't be what you like Yeah, it's one kiss for the road And it's time I let you go Hey, I'm gonna call that fancy lawyer.
See if she can get us a do-over.
No shrimp this time.
I'm gonna go big.
Like crab legs.
- [BOTTLE OPENING.]
- [SNIFFS.]
I'm sorry.
I suck.
[SIGHS.]
Do you hear me? I I said I'm sorry.
I suck.
Where were you? I had to do something really, really important.
What's more important than me? [MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
There is literally nothing in my entire life that is more important to me than you.
I'm going to bed.
Tell me the Lord is good, now.
- He's good! - [APPLAUSE.]
He's good, I tell you.
The Lord is good.
Hey, man, is there anyone else who wants to testify this morning? Anybody? - I would.
- Ah.
- You would? - I would.
Sister Ruby.
Hello, everyone.
Um, I would just like to follow up on the other day.
To be totally honest, I am not feeling super good about it.
Sheila, you went above and beyond for our little girl.
I don't even know how you put together all that money.
You're still at the salon, right? I've saved here and there over the years.
Well, listen.
I realize that I reacted badly.
Because I have a hard time taking charity.
Pride is a sin, as we all know.
ALL: Amen.
So I would just like to say something that I should have said before.
Which is thank you.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Thank you for the money.
You're welcome.
And thank you for offering to drive the kids home from school when I'm at work.
And thanks for offering to babysit so that we can have a date night.
And offering to do the laundry and, oh, my God, the groceries.
- At Whole Foods, no less.
- Seriously? Because this woman This woman only buys - organic, people.
- [APPLAUSE.]
I don't even know what to say.
There's nothing to say.
But thank you.
Got it.
I know you do.
- [APPLAUSE.]
- Praise the Lord.
God bless you, Sheila.
Sometimes our prayer simply needs to be "Lord Jesus, "help me to learn to be generous.
To labor and to not seek reward.
" - Let us all simply say - ALL: Amen.
[SHOPPING CARTS RATTLING.]
Well, look who's finally using the pen.
Yeah, it just felt a little crispy.
- Hmm, let me try.
- Uh, no, I'm sure it's fine.
- I mean - Let me see.
It's legit.
Good thing, 'cause customer's long gone.
Next time try checking before they leave the store.
Good pro tip.
Oh, uh, do anything fun on your day off? Just hung out with my kid.
Is that all? Is there something you wanna ask me? Just making conversation.
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
Sadie.
Are you awake? You know the traditions is Jordans over a phone line, right? I only had pumps.
Fair enough.
So what'd you wanna talk to me about? [GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES.]