Graves (2016) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Margaret: Previously on "Graves" I will be your goddamn president.
Reporter: News of former first daughter Olivia Graves' marriage dissolution has been confirmed.
Jeremy's coming home in a few days, which is to say I'm a nervous wreck.
FaceTime with Jeremy, no Treadwell, got it.
I need you to tell the old man that I'm gonna be staying at home with him and Mom for a little while.
We want you to run for Tom Udall's Senate seat.
Stop it.
- Annie.
- First Lady.
If you run for Senate, this is gonna be fun.
I haven't said yes yet.
Wolf: America's arcane detention and deportation policies can be traced back to the Graves administration.
How many of your parents came here illegally? Any of these undocumented workers, if they want to come out to my compound, they're more than welcome.
What have you done? (music playing) Well, Johnny went home on the 309 I'm coming back on the yellow line My train's coming down on the yellow line I don't fucking believe it.
President Graves.
Hi.
How many are there? Actually, 273 to be exact, sir, if you count the baby that was born at 4:00 A.
M.
this morning.
A baby? Yes, sir.
Boy or a girl? Oh, I have no idea, sir.
Oh.
You know, of course this probably couldn't have happened on a worse day.
Your son is arriving this afternoon.
You know, you say one thing, Isaiah, in the moment to make a point and then you Then it blows up.
I know.
I know.
It's really bad.
No, you're missing the point, Isaiah.
"The boisterous sea of liberty is never without a wave.
" Thomas Jefferson.
It's a good thing.
- Messy as hell.
- Yes, sir, but I assume Margaret's having a heart attack.
I'm gonna have a heart attack.
We have to fix this.
I'm way ahead of you.
Just got off the phone with the White House.
Buenos días, niños.
They sent Secretary Burns, Homeland Security, to talk to Richard.
- He lands in an hour.
- Inside.
I want you to get out a press release.
Spinning it which direction? This was planned.
That's the spin.
Right down to the refugee camp in our driveway.
And Richard Graves gave this interview because this is exactly what he wanted.
All that those oppressed people are asking for is to come to this country, work hard, and contribute.
And the Graves family will stand proudly by them because that is what we do.
Done.
Señor.
Mira.
Mr.
President, I'm gonna have to ask you to go back to the house.
Not gonna happen, Martin.
These folks are my guests.
Señor Presidente! Señor Presidente! - Whoa, whoa, back off.
- Hello.
- (speaking Spanish) - Yes, señor.
Gracias.
All right, easy now.
This is crazy.
- Hey, give me some love.
- Hey! Hey! Everybody back! Everybody back! Everyone back away! - Everybody back.
- Oh, my God! God damn it! I did not want this to happen.
Is everyone okay? (theme music playing) You're not firing your Secret Service detail.
The hell I'm not.
I just did.
They just drove off the property 10 minutes ago, ma'am.
Maggie, I need the shackles off.
- I just need them off.
- Jacob: It's his right to decline.
Nixon did it in '85.
Yeah, there were plenty of people that wanted to kill that psychopath.
Enough, Richard, please.
These people outside, this is a problem.
I understand why you did all this, honey, I do.
Your heart was in the right place, but I need you to focus, okay? Well, I didn't mean this to happen, Maggie.
It just happened.
But it needs to be fixed as quickly as possible.
As much for those people out there as for us.
And also Jeremy is coming home today.
It's a lot to handle.
Okay, what do you want me to do? We've set a meeting with the Secretary of Homeland Security.
- Oh, he's a little shit.
- He's expecting you.
Talk to him.
You have the best interests of these people in mind, honey.
I just need you to be back here before Jeremy arrives 'cause we're cooking a big family meal.
I want him to feel special.
Okay, okay.
You make sure he's here.
Yes, he will be.
No problem.
And he never should have given that interview, Isaiah.
You let that happen.
Yeah, he was so intimidating, ma'am.
The president of the United States intimidating, really? No, I know.
I tried You need to learn to pivot.
Direct him away from those cliffs he's so hell-bent on going over.
- Understand? - Yes, of course.
Pivot.
I'm so sorry.
This is bullshit.
Ramona, make sure they have enough water.
Of course, Mrs.
Graves.
The story's leaked, Maggie.
CNN will go with it top of the hour.
- Good.
- Olivia: Mother! I have 14 new Google alerts.
Yeah, hop aboard the Olivia Graves train to public humiliation.
Next stop, Italy.
Do you see them, Mother? Do you see them? And I'm sorry, why are there Mexicans literally all over the fucking place? Actually, honey, your father's invited a few hundred undocumented immigrants over for asylum.
Coffee? Wait, I'm so what are you talking about? I need you to help Ramona feed those needy people.
We're all pitching in just like we always do.
Being charitable.
We're gonna need to up your meds, Mother.
There's no way I'm going out there.
Oh, yes, you are, Olivia.
And put on anything else.
Start with a bra.
They get amnesty.
The president appreciates your gesture.
Truly, sir.
A temporary work visa, the least you can do.
It's not gonna happen, sir.
The president respects you and your legacy, so it is with the utmost highest regards For God's sake, Burns, we're talking a couple of hundred people here.
A symbolic gesture.
There was a baby born on my property.
It what the hell was it? Oh, it was a boy, sir.
Yeah, they named him Graves.
Little Graves Martinez.
Did you hear that, Burns? Mr.
Graves, sir, I'm here on behalf of the White House to formally request that you quietly ask your houseguests to vacate your property.
Or I've been assured, though it is not the president's desire, that Immigration and Customs Enforcement will be forced to execute deportation notices.
You tell that asshole in the Oval Office to kiss my ass.
- Here you go.
- Gracias.
You're welcome.
- Agua? - Que bella.
That's so sweet of you.
(playing) - Agua? - Gracias, señorita.
(speaking Spanish) (chuckles) Muchas gracias.
(camera clicking) So my car's just right down over here, sir.
Sir, you haven't been without your detail for 40 years, okay? - Just look left and right.
- I'm not a goddamn four-year-old.
- Car! Car! - (horn honks) Asshole.
Former president of the United States.
You know, vulnerability, Isaiah, is one of the most underestimated of human emotions.
Yes, sir.
The square is really crowded.
My car is just there.
Hey! Dude, that interview that you gave, how George Washington would blow his brains out if he could see how we fucked things up, was so sick.
You saw that interview? Yeah.
Why is that so surprising to you? Oh, no, that's not today's just been kind of a crazy day.
Lots of various fires to put out.
- Are you okay? - I'm pivoting.
You on a break? My shift actually doesn't start for a while.
I just like to hang out here, observe the normals in their natural habitat.
Sir, we're already running behind schedule for Jeremy.
I know, for Christ's sake.
Bad day? Oh, just a complicated day.
Sir, this is kind of our cue.
You know, Samantha, I've become unshackled.
My new guiding principle is total spontaneity.
(laughs) I'm right there with you.
And it starts right now.
Oh, yeah, this is a great spontaneous idea.
Passed this place 100 times, but my detail would never let me go in.
Yeah, for good reason, sir.
Look at it.
We've really got to work on your anxiety threshold.
You just need to learn how to relax a little bit.
Relax? Sammy, I've got an ex-president in a biker bar in a part of town where literally the Secret Service would probably want their own protection.
This is a moment, be here for it.
Afternoon, everybody.
If you're drunk and you know it, clap your hands 'Cause the president of the United States is buying your fucking drinks, y'all.
Ow! (cheering) To nipples.
All: To nipples! Without 'em, tits wouldn't have a point.
(laughing) Hold on, wait a minute.
Stan, do the thing.
Do that thing.
All right.
I am not a crook.
Not Nixon.
The other thing.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman.
No, man, your Graves.
Do your Graves.
My fellow Americans.
All I have to say is that freedom saves and so does Graves.
No, no, no, no.
I don't do that.
- No.
- Whatever that was.
- You do kind of do that.
- Sort of a sustained growl, sir.
- Fuck all of you.
- (laughing) Olivia: Tits, mother.
You're unusually off your game.
You know when someone's on edge and it only takes that one little whisper to push them off? Don't be that whisper.
(phone chiming) Where the hell is your father? (music playing) Screw me till I can remember your name.
I never told you my name, ma'am.
Screw me till you tell me your name.
You want to dance, Prez? No.
No, thank you.
What's wrong? You got the "I Fucked Up the Middle East" blues or what? (laughs) No, it's my son.
- He's coming home today.
- Mmm.
I don't know how to talk to him.
I seem to always say the wrong things.
Well, who hasn't fucked up their kid in some small but significant way? It's the little cruelties.
It's the things that go unnoticed by everyone except for children.
And some are bigger than others.
I mean, take a look around.
The progeny of inattentive parents in all their glory.
So, I wouldn't be too late for soldier boy.
- Isaiah.
- Yeah? - Let's go.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
- Have a nice day.
Lay the green sod on me A soldier has come home What the fuck? (people speaking Spanish) Jeremy! Hey.
- Oh, my God.
- Hey.
(laughing) Oh, my God! I missed you so much.
- My sweet angel.
- Love you, too, Mom.
Okay.
Okay.
- Hooker.
- Ass clown.
So is no one going to mention the fact that there's a Cinco de Mayo tent party in the front yard? Your daddy's making a statement, sweetheart.
You are not going to believe what I have been going through.
My life is a hot fucking mess.
That's crazy, sis, 'cause Afghanistan was like Candyland but with never-ending hand jobs.
Sweetheart, why don't you go ahead and get cleaned up for dinner? - He's not here, is he? - Your father wanted to be here.
You fucking kidding me? The soldier has come home.
(door opens) - Welcome home, soldier.
- Hi, Dad.
- You look great.
- Thank you.
Where the hell have you been? I'm here, Maggie.
(sighs) Hey, Iz.
Iz? We're on a nickname basis? Dude, can we talk about today? The old man's like really going through some shit, huh? Yeah, apparently.
You know, I think I owe you an apology.
Really? Ever since we met, I've been a bit of a jerk.
More than a bit, actually.
Mm-hmm.
Go on.
It's just this family, the things that go on.
Family, I can't imagine.
No, seriously, they are so dysfunctional.
I mean, it might actually be unhealthy for me to even be around these people.
And the president, he is nothing I mean, nothing like I thought he would be on any level.
He urinated in the bushes off the highway last night.
(laughs) Who hasn't? The president of the United States, that's who.
Or who shouldn't.
Well, your bubble's burst.
People disappoint.
Welcome to the world.
Maybe I'm just off my game.
Oh, you've got game? - Yeah, somewhere.
- (laughs) - (phone chimes) - Sorry.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- What? I've got to go.
I'm so sorry.
(baby crying) Thank you, Ramona.
Slow down, honey.
(laughs) Thank you, Ramona.
I don't think I slept the entire time you were gone.
Yeah? You build up a tolerance to the Ambien? That's me.
So, son, now that you're home, you have any thoughts, plans? Yeah, Dad, you know, I do.
I got a lot of stuff brewing.
Entrepreneurial ventures.
Projects, you know? Next-gen stuff, so Great.
Well, tell me.
Maybe I can help.
Yeah, the thing is, right now it's kind of in the embryonic stages.
And besides, with all the crazy shit that Liv's going through, I mean, I don't want to step on her toes.
Oh, no, I think it's best to step outside myself right now.
Let's just focus on you.
Richard: You know, Jeremy, I can pull any strings to help you.
Yeah, no, I don't know.
I think what's actually best for me right now is to just (exhales) take a break, you know? Get myself back into the civilian lifestyle.
Reentry is a bitch after all.
And with all the incidences of PTSD Oh, for Christ's sake, you were slinging hash.
- Food service operations.
- Richard.
It's an important job, Mr.
Graves.
If soldiers don't eat, they die.
They die.
Muerte, all right? And just for your information, the most injuries happen in the food hall, okay? Just that's a fact.
Remove one cog and the wheel won't turn.
Everybody plays their part.
President Graves! Hi.
Wow.
I'm so sorry to interrupt, sir, ma'am, but there's an emergency.
What is it, Isaiah? Homeland Security is headed here to execute deportation notices.
Daddy, you have to stop them.
Those poor people.
Deportation notices? For Ramona? Damn it.
- Hang on, Richard.
- I have to go to the bathroom.
Ramona made you icebox pie.
- Oh, icebox pie.
- Richard, wait! I missed this.
All of us together.
Margaret: Richard, hang on.
You're speaking to Secretary Burns again? Yes, I'm gonna call him, have another little sit-down in a neutral place.
Okay, listen to me.
Earlier you made a perfectly reasonable request and he chose to totally disregard a former president of the United States.
And that son of a bitch is sending immigration officers here to our home to embarrass us and our family.
You need to give him hell.
This is where you wanted to meet? Neutral.
At the very least, sir, this is false imprisonment of a member of the cabinet who was handpicked by the president and approved by the Senate.
Well, what are you gonna do? Here's the deal, so listen up.
If any immigration agent sets foot on my property, my wife and I will link arms with the most photogenic little brown babies we can find.
Then we're gonna scream bloody murder about the DREAM Act, about these poor undocumented children to every news outlet on the planet to see.
The frail old president and the beautiful former First Lady just wanted to help these children.
You tell that empty suit in the White House that I'm gonna shove my bully pulpit so far up his ass, he'll be shitting low approval ratings for years.
You think you can do that for me? I knew you could.
Isaiah.
You can't leave Santa Fe without trying the tamales from Posa's.
Love to your wife.
God bless.
I am so, so, so sorry.
I'm a coconspirator.
I'm gonna take the fall for this.
It'll never touch you.
It has to land on me.
Isaiah, take your tampon out and relax, okay? I'm not gonna take the tampon out.
I'm expressing serious concerns here, sir.
There is a line, sir, that you cannot expect me to cross.
With all due respect, hazing is over.
There need to be some boundaries.
I get it.
You have nothing to lose, but I do.
I know I do, sir.
Look, kid, trust me.
You make that so hard, sir.
(lighter clicks) Oh, hi.
(grunts) Don't worry, it gets worse.
Oh, yeah, well You know, I don't think we were properly introduced.
I wanted to welcome you home and thank you for your service.
You don't need to kiss my ass.
You want to know the weirdest thing? I just got back from Afghanistan.
This place feels like the real war zone.
I give you two days before you quit.
Gracias.
Muchas gracias.
Gracias.
(speaking Spanish) Your Spanish is good.
I had a thing with the king of Spain's son when I was 16.
He cheated on me with a Bush twin.
Not okay, but to be fair, we all made out with the Bush twins.
Your English, you you speak.
Yes, yes, I taught myself.
I noticed you've been watching me.
God.
Sorry, that's terrible, isn't it? No, no, it's okay.
I've been watching you, too.
Oh, my God.
I mean, you feel this, right? Because it's crazy.
I don't even know your name.
My name is Arturo del Rey, son of Jose and Margarita del Rey.
(speaks Spanish) Oh, God.
(baby crying) Muchas gracias, Presidente Graves.
Muchas gracias.
Hello.
(gasps) Oh, my.
Oh, my.
(chuckles) So what's all this really about? Well, happy accident.
You know, Jeremy I don't know what I'm doing yet.
You know, I I have no idea.
I'm just happy you're home.
And I missed you.
Yeah, well, I missed you, too.
(moaning) Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Sorry, let me just get my pants off.
God, I hate this part.
What? And in Santa Fe this morning, a number of undocumented immigrants who had sought refuge on the Graves family compound have been granted temporary visas by the White House.
A symbolic gesture from one president to his predecessor.
Buena suerte.
Anyway, who wants breakfast? Stop where you are Looking up at the sun See all the cars Standing still as they run Mi rey.
Last night was This is for you.
(man speaks Spanish) I have to go.
Mi vida.
Be careful.
You were never there I will.
I will! I will! You had it all More than most That I know You hide yourself Behind a wall And it shows Though you never cared You were never there Because you never cared Margaret: Obviously, it's been really busy, Annie.
I'm sorry I haven't gotten back.
Annie: I get it and I'm sorry to just show up, but I'm a pusher.
The RNC is nervous.
And this is just too important.
In two days you've helped drag Republican immigration policy into the future.
Proof of concept.
We need you to run against Nash.
Richard.
This is Annie Novak.
I know who she is.
Honey, they've asked.
I mean, they've asked me to run for the Senate.
It was a rainy night in a quiet town In Florida.