Grounded For Life (2001) s01e03 Episode Script

Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Come on, Jimmy, I know you can hear me.
Come on.
Come on, this isn't productive.
Hey, James Francis finnerty, come on out! Jimmy? Any sign of him? No.
Are you even looking? Yeah, I'm looking.
You're a terrific uncle, you know.
Jimmy! How can you eat this lowfat cream cheese? It's like paste.
What kind do you have at your house? I don't keep food at my house.
Why would you? Oh, and you're all out of jelly, except for grape.
Now get in the backyard and look for Jimmy.
Come on.
Still no sign of him, huh? Whoo! Look at you.
Hing chow ding gow! It's the regular old work clothes, baby.
Well, I'm never home when you go to work.
Ha ha ha ha! Oh, yes, this is very good.
What better way of luring our son out of hiding than the promise of seeing his parents having sex? It's nothing he hasn't seen before.
Not a memory that's helping your cause.
Did you check the attic? No.
So, so far your entire search process has consisted of you wandering around the house yelling "Jimmy"? No, I also swore a lot.
Hmm.
How'd that work out? Not great.
Yeah.
All right.
You just let the master take over.
I'm his mom, I know how he thinks.
You gotta call work and tell them I'm gonna be a little bit late.
Lily: Ohh! I'm online! Sorry! Oh, nice job! Disconnected! Hey, wait! Shouldn't you be at school? I hope you're happy.
I was uploading my homework.
Now it's destroyed.
The file is destroyed.
You were in the Justin Timberlake chat room.
You don't know that.
God, I'm so fat.
I can't believe I'm eating this.
Ah, you're not fat.
You're a little stick girl.
It's disturbing.
Thank you.
Don't eat both of them.
Dad, what's that? Brought you a little something I found at work.
Claudia: You work at a dump.
I supervise a sanitary landfill.
Look what some idiot threw away A perfectly good set of encyclopedias.
Oh, my god! Well, they have the stench of death on them.
You don't smell them, you read them.
Why don't you keep them at your house? I'll just put them down here for you, let them breathe.
Jimmy ain't out there.
Ok, you are pathetic.
I will find him.
I always find him.
Jimmy's lost? No, no, he's He's just hiding.
Again.
Why isn't he in school? Uh, he's not going to school this week, and I didn't do anything wrong.
Oh, seany screwed up again, didn't he? No, no, dad.
Look Sunday was "the taste of staten island" festival, so we went, so we could do something together as a family.
Ohh! Eww.
What? I don't want anybody from school to see me with them.
Why not? A tiger and a zebra? It's so gay.
Hey! Ho, ho! That's not an appropriate thing to say.
I'm gay 'cause I'm a zebra? No! Are tigers gay? No.
What's gay? Nothing, nothing.
Gay means nothing.
I'm gay.
But I'm seeing someone right now.
They have a glass blowing demonstration at 5:30, candle dipping Hold this.
Hold this.
Oh, my god.
Do you know who's playing at the bandshell tonight? I give up.
Mm-hmm.
Ramones! Ramones! Ramones? The ramones, in their farewell tour.
We go to all their farewell tours.
Yeah, and you never know, this could be the last one.
Hey, I wasn't taking any chances.
Ah, the ramones are so gay.
Why? Are some of them zebras? I want to wipe my face off.
We gotta get going.
Jimmy, it's the ramones.
It's the seminal cultural event in your young life.
I have to make a model of the solar system for my science class.
And you will, ok? But it can wait a day.
Trust me, son.
Tomorrow, the solar system is gonna be there.
But the ramones are gonna be on a bus to Pennsylvania, and who knows when they're coming back? Come on, guys, I want to get there before the mosh pit fills up.
Ok.
Look, Jimmy, when I was your age, the ramones burst onto the scene and they changed the face of rock and roll.
Post-punk, grunge, speed metal None of it would have happened without them.
You're gonna have to trust me on this one.
I'm your father, all right? The ramones are more important than the solar system.
What are you doing, Man? Ok, Jimmy's not in the attic.
Now I have tufts of insulation in my dress.
Whoa.
Stop picturing it.
You don't know what I'm thinking.
Start swearing.
You know you want to.
Not my style.
What are you doing? Just making sure you get chunky peanut butter.
You never get chunky.
Kids don't like chunky.
Get creamy, too.
That's no problem.
If I buy you creamy, will you eat it at your house? I don't have any bread.
I'll get you bread.
All right, I'm leaving the basement now.
When I turn off this light, it is gonna be very dark and very spooky.
Perfect for a ghost.
Oooh ooooh! Oooh oooh! Sean: Children, I eat children.
We can rule out the basement.
So it seems that concert you dragged Jimmy to really drove him around the bend.
No, it wasn't the concert.
Everything was cool until the next morning.
Ow! Hi, kiddo.
What? Good morning.
What? He may have been standing a little too close to the speaker last night.
Oh, uh, sorry, guy.
Which guy? Don't worry.
What? Hey, soldier, what you building over there? I told you, I had to build a model of the solar system.
Honey, do you want some help with that? Um, no, no, no.
No, mom.
But, see, these are it's fine.
This one has the tape I'll fix it.
That was Jupiter, mom.
It's in the milky way, right? Is that supposed to be funny? Sorry.
It's ruined.
Why'd you make me go to that stupid concert? Oh, come on, Jimmy, hey.
Dude, we were opening your mind.
Besides, you had a good time last night, didn't you? I hated it.
Hey, Lily, you liked the ramones, didn't you? Well, the music was good, but they were just ripping off green day.
You guys hear my brain buzzing? Lily, can you take Henry to school, please, so he doesn't get hit by a truck? - All right.
- Let's get going! I'm taking you to school today! Thanks, I already had some! I'm gonna get in trouble.
No, you're not.
I'm your father, ok? I'm gonna write you a note.
Ok? So I worked to bust my ass because singles around all along for five / six months to beach concert.
It's Jimmy's school.
They're all upset about something I'd gotta go to fix it, Which meant asking my supervisor for the afternoon off.
What are you, freaking kidding me, finnerty?! What kind of flunking operation do you think I'm running here? This is the New York smecking subway system! You dirt-sucking piece of cake! Sean: Yeah, so I go to see Jimmy's principal, and she's all Responsibility Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Role models Sean: And all about how Good work habits begin at home.
Absolutely, sister.
I appreciate everything that you're saying, and I understand mm-hmm.
Well, I'm not sure that you do, Mr.
Finnerty.
Let me read "dear sister Helen, "please excuse Jimmy for not having his solar system.
"The ramones were performing at a festival last night, and his mother and I felt it was important that he not miss it.
" That was such a lame note.
It was the truth! You don't tell the truth in a note.
You're supposed to lie! "Jimmy's sick," "Jimmy sprained his ankle,.
" "Jimmy's grandfather died.
" What? As an example.
Look, I'm not gonna teach my son to lie.
But you will take him to some concert when he should be doing his homework? Not some concert, dad, the ramones! I don't care if it was the ramones.
I don't care if Jimi Hendrix rose from the grave.
A concert is not as important as homework.
Whoa, whoa, wait, even if Jimi Hendrix rose from the grave? Well, ok, that might be the exception.
A-ha! I'm a nun.
I couldn't very well ignore a resurrection.
Sister, then you admit there might be a theological reason to attend a concert.
I don't see what that has to do with anything.
Just that it's possible.
Mr.
finnerty, we're talking about the ramones.
They're not dead, they're just over the hill.
Oh, come on.
I can't even tell rock 'n' roll high school from rockaway beach.
They're practically the same song.
No! That's no! That's not true.
I mean, ok, ok, granted, they have the same "rock, rock" part, but otherwise, they're totally different songs, they're totally different.
Mm-hmm.
Well, what's important here is not how artistically limited the ramones are.
What's important is that you seem to have decided that you know better than we do how to educate your son.
Do you have any kids? Again, I'm a nun.
That's my point! See, it's easy for you to be all high and mighty, but I had 3 kids before I was 25.
And whose fault is that? Yours, yours! I went here, to this high school.
And my senior year, I was fruitful, and I doth multiplied.
And as I spent my own youth raising children, one of the things that makes it worthwhile is that I get to decide what's right for them.
Not you, but me.
And the ramones are on my syllabus.
I don't like your tone, Mr.
finnerty.
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do about it? You're suspended.
You can't suspend me! I don't go here! Which in retrospect was a stupid thing to say because Jimmy does go there.
Or did.
So she suspended Jimmy? For a week.
And I know how to flush him out.
A week, huh? Mm-hmm.
So that's what you get these days for assaulting a nun.
Ah, come on, dad, I didn't assault a nun! Well, whatever.
I'm sure god is pleased.
Oh, ho ho! Yeah, play the god card, right.
Don't come near me.
He's gonna strike you down.
Come on, dad, give me a hug.
Get away from me! I'm your eldest! Fire! The house is burning down! You are not good parents! Let's give it about a minute! What is this? You can't leave these books outside.
They'll get all mildewy.
Who put them back here? I did.
Walt, we really appreciate the free set of encyclopedias from the dump.
But the thing is, they're gonna have to be our outdoor encyclopedias.
Well, they're perfectly good.
They're from 1956.
I'm from 1947.
You're gonna throw me out, too? It's teeming with silverfish! I can't believe he didn't come out.
That smoke alarm should have worked.
Don't blame yourself.
The idea was inspired.
It doesn't make any sense.
Jimmy's afraid of everything.
He wears his bicycle helmet in the car.
He's he's a weird little dude.
So if I can't outthink him, and I can't scare him, what kind of mother am I? Relax, baby.
You can always withhold affection.
What happened? Everything was fine yesterday.
You guys had a good time, right? Yeah no, we had a great time yesterday.
Hoo ho! We had an excellent time.
All right, what's with the "hoo ho!" Why do you have to talk? What happened yesterday? Nothing, no big thing.
You sure you don't mind watching Jimmy? No problem.
No problemo.
How is it you don't have to work on a Tuesday? I have flexible hours.
Are you a criminal? No.
My dad says you sell beepers to drug dealers.
Well, not knowingly.
Do you smoke pot? Sean, get her off me! Lily, leave Eddie alone.
You're very mysterious.
Jimmy.
Hey, you ready to party with your uncle Edwin? I want to go to school.
Well, you can't.
Hey, it'll be fun.
Me and you.
We'll watch some tube, have a bite to eat, and then we're gonna go into Brooklyn and visit this dude I know, huh? I really want to go to school today.
He's a Chinese dude.
Sean: It was clear that I couldn't leave him alone with Eddie.
I called my boss to get another day off work.
Another day off? Bulldog! This is mother-talking bulldog! What the flip do you think this is, finnerty? You think the mta is Uh, you're right, sir.
Is that what you think? All the other mother-talkers got their stink together.
Inexcusable.
I've been watching you, finnerty.
I'm watching you! Ha ha! Hey, I'm hanging with you guys today.
I want to go to sch Uh-uh-uh! Don't say school, Jimmy, ok? 'Cause this is your school, all right? We live in the greatest city in the world.
Look, there's all kinds of stuff.
There's, uh, museums and historical sites, theater.
So where are we going, cappy? Well There she is, Jimmy.
Lady Liberty.
Who put her here? Ah, she was a present from our buddies over in France.
Yeah, during the French and Indian war.
They pretended it was a gift, but then we accepted it and French soldiers jumped out of her and kicked our ass.
Why do you say stuff like that? I don't know.
When our forefathers came here, that's the first thing they saw.
Can you imagine what that must've been like, after weeks and weeks at sea, tired and cold and hungry? Sweet Joseph, Margaret! I can't take no more.
I'll throw myself to the sharks before I endure another night at sea.
Ay, Seamus.
Seamus! What's that a-gleaming on the horizon? 'Tis, 'tis a great iron Lassie, Margaret.
Lord have mercy! Look how she beckons us with her torch held high! Ay, Seamus, 'tis a beauteous sight.
'Tis, 'tis, Margaret.
I can't wait another second before I kiss the ground beneath her great green foot! We're in America, Maggie! America at last! Isn't "Lassie" Scottish? You shut your gob, man.
This was France's way of telling poor people to come here? See? You are learning stuff already.
This is gonna be a blast.
I'm gonna go lie down on a bench.
Come on, Eddie! I'm dead! You've killed me.
We took a nice rest in the Hooters, huh, Jimmy? Yeah, dad.
Right in her Hooters.
Whoa.
That's it.
I quit smoking.
I'm done.
Race you to the top.
Ok.
I'll be up in a sec.
How you doing? Whoa.
Cool view, huh, Jimmy? You can see for miles.
It's amazing.
The majesty of our great nation spread out at our feet.
Hey, the dump's on fire.
Ho ho, that's gonna stink.
Yeah.
Look how cool the torch is.
You wanna go up there? Can we? Freaking 'a right! I'll race you! What's with all the racing? Excuse me, making our way to the torch.
Danke schoen.
Excuse me.
Merci.
Ok.
Whoa, what what's this? I'm sorry, the arm is closed to the public.
No way.
Whoa, what do you mean "closed to the public?" Nobody's allowed up there.
What do you mean nobody? There's that commercial, with Tony Bennett.
He's singing about lemon-lime soda.
It's ok, it's fine.
We'll just No, no, it's not fine.
Jimmy, if Tony Bennett gets to go to the torch, why can't I go? It's a commercial.
Ok, look, when you people said, leave your beers outside, we did.
Right? And when you told us to stop yelling, "echo," ok, we stopped.
But to deny us the torch, I mean, how can I explain that to my son? I understand.
Ok, ok, fine.
Fine.
Should we make our move? Let's go.
What are you doing? Did you read the poem downstairs, Jimmy? We are the huddled masses, and this giant lady is the one place where freedom should reign supreme.
Yeah, dad.
You know, there is a sign.
To the torch! Aaaah! Look, they're still up there, man.
There's like 3 of them aaaah! You mean you're not even gonna look? That's your idea of "no big thing?" How could you not tell me that? He's finally developed a sense of shame.
This is real progress.
Hey! I'm not ashamed about anything.
We had a valid point.
I got news for all you people! That's not the statue of Liberty, it's the statue of oppression! Fight the power, yo! So now Jimmy's freaking out, all 'cause you had to go up in some dumb arm? Hey, I'm not saying mistakes weren't made You told me Jimmy had a good time! He did! You have to look at the whole day.
Oh, you are amazing.
'Cause you could lie to me Jimmy? Jimmy, where were you? School.
You were kicked out of school.
I snuck back in.
You ran away to school? Yeah.
They caught him in the library reading a book.
Freak.
I never could have found you there, buddy.
Jimmy, come on! We were trying to make a point.
There are principles at stake here.
You know, I'm not like you and uncle Eddie, dad.
I don't like getting arrested for stuff.
Ho ho we weren't arrested.
We were admonished, then escorted.
When can I just go back to school? Ok, I'll write another note to sister Helen.
Oh, yeah, that'll help.
A different kind of note.
It's about time you apologized to that good nun.
Drop trou and bend over.
You know, I'm not gonna do this with him here.
Walt, could you go in the other room, please? Ok, look! There he is! I can see him! Oh, come on! You guys.
"Dear sister Helen, "though I still consider you to be in the wrong" no! "Though you fail" nuh-uh! "Dear sister Helen, I am a flaming idiot.
" That I like.
Dad, leave! Leave now! Come with me.
Please? Ok, which one's next? Um, saturn.
Ok.
All right, there you go.
Uh, we're gonna need the rings for that one.
Henry? I don't have them.
Spit them out.
All right.
And then there's old blue marble earth, and the moon.
What have we learned about the moon? Let's see "Someday, scientists hope to build a rocket that can take man to the moon.
" All right, that encyclopedia is out of here.