Hailey's on It! (2023) s01e03 Episode Script
The Last Sand/The Show Must Go Wrong
1
BETA: Chaos bots have been
sent from the future
to stop the one person
who can save the world.
Me?
CHORUS: (SINGING) Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
HAILEY: Teach a cat to play the piano
Roller-skate all the way to Orlando
Use my ear wax?
To make a candle
CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
HAILEY: Win first place
for world's cutest pet rock
Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost
Eat an onion
Kiss my friend Scott?
(SCOTT GROANS)
CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
GREGORY: Legend shall speak of this day,
whence a hero will be not born,
but made.
Let's do this.
(CAR LOCK BEEPS)
Welcome, all, to Oceanside's Annual
Sandcastle Building Contest,
brought to ye
by the Oceanside Shakespeare Company.
-And also, by Gravy Cakes.
-(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
MAN: (SINGING) Soggy and brown
The best cakes in town, Gravy Cakes
KAI: Hey, the Banks are here.
Oh, Peter, hair's looking good,
news reporter good.
Hi, Mrs. Dawson.
You better get
that award-winning lemonade away from me
if you want to keep any.
Good morrow, Gregory.
My dad and I are kind of a big deal
at the Sandcastle Building Contest.
We've been doing it for years.
It's become our tradition.
My dad has this cherished
triple-packing technique,
which takes forever.
So, we never really make a big castle,
or win or place at all.
But we do always have a good time
and get those sweet
participation ribbons.
[Scott groaning]
Hey, Scott.
[Scott exclaims]
Thanks for watching Dwayne and Johnson
so we can do this.
Oh, it's easy.
When they get bummed,
I just give them cookies.
-[babies cooing]
-Ahhh!
Nice to finally have a relaxing day
to be Holy Kettle Corn!
Beta, why are you here?
You hate the sun and people
and birds and sand.
All true,
but I'm here because you need to win
the contest this year.
List item number 167.
I didn't tell you earlier,
because I know how you are.
-You'd freak out.
-I do not freak out!
I express my concerns loudly and quickly
because they're all buzzing around
in my head.
Now this contest
took on world-altering stakes.
Yes, I'm totally freaking out right now!
Hey, you got this, Hailey.
You know what?
Dad and I can totally win.
Nobody here
takes this contest seriously, anyways.
BOY: Hello, Hailey Banks.
HAILEY: This is A.C., and yeah,
that's how he always looks.
Way back at Taylor Dyer's
sixth birthday party,
I apparently beat him
at Duck, Duck, Goose,
and he's claimed to be
my bitter rival ever since.
I've tried ignoring him.
I tried explaining
that both people have to care
for it to be an actual rivalry.
But he's always just there.
Hope you brought aloe vera,
Hailey Banks,
because you're about to get burned.
Why are you here, A.C.?
As you know, I have been keeping track
of every competition we've ever had.
-Oh, jeez, not the paper
-On this paper.
And you are currently one up.
I am here to settle the score,
and nothing will stop me.
Aw! What the beans?
The folds keep going the wrong way,
and once you start,
it's just messed up from the
(BUGLE SOUNDING)
(CHUCKLES) We're having fun, aren't we?
Okay, we're gonna read the rules, folks.
Teams can bring three plastic shovels,
two pails and one personal bag
into the area of their choosing.
All builders must stay
in their roped-off area,
using only things within it
to build their castle.
Exciting stuff!
Don't do that.
Architects! Nigh is the time of
-(AIR HORN BLOWING)
-Look how loud this is. So loud, right?
Can you believe how loud this is?
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Whoa!
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
Hi! Good pick, Hail.
Water access, shade from the bluffs,
sand is a bit loose,
but nothing our triple-packing technique
can't fix.
Rookie move,
picking the least level area, A.C.
You're already off to a bumpy start.
Oh, no! Whatever will I
Wait, what's this,
that just happens to be buried here?
Gee, I just hope
I can guess the password
on this here control tablet.
Hey, it's my birthday.
(CHUCKLES MALICIOUSLY)
That is such a lucky break.
We're just going to have to step up
our game. Hey, Dad?
And, done. First brick.
Phew! I gotta pace myself. Musubi break.
You know, Dad, I was thinking,
maybe we could try
for a little bigger castle this year.
I mean,
what if we just did double packing?
(LAUGHS) And make a sandcastle
that will only last a week?
Isn't this a one-day contest?
Hailey, mai maka'u i ka hana.
Any job worth doing
is worth doing right.
Yeah. Dad, you know what?
I'm gonna work over here for a bit.
Scott, give me some raisins.
Wait, what is this?
This beach is crawling
with carpenter crabs,
who build around their food sources
to protect them.
GREGORY: Ah!
A western power casts its shadow
upon the eastern giant.
ZOOT: I like those little robots.
(SLURPS)
Is that a sardine?
-Ahhh! Beta!
-You are mine.
(GRUNTING)
Oh! All under control.
Thanks, Beta. Good luck.
How dare she thwart
my brilliant sabotage?
This means war.
Gee, who knew the beach
would be so warm?
I'd sure be a "fan"
of something that could cool me down.
Pun intended and well executed.
Wow. The Breeze Blaster 4000.
The world's most powerful
battery-operated fan,
which just so happens to be available
at my parent's store, Fans Plus.
What a coincidence!
Yeah, that's a huge coincidence.
I'm starting to think A.C. buried
some of that stuff beforehand.
-To cheat!
-(SCOFFS)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
GREGORY: The Black Plague,
the Sacking of Rome,
shampoo in thine eyes,
tragedies all but small
compared to this.
What the beans? Is that sea
(GRUNTS)
Yeah, it's seaweed.
Fire!
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
-(HUMMING)
All droids to the front lines.
All droids to the front lines!
Hailey, you should know, A.C.'s droids
are overpowering the crabs
on the battlefield.
Yes, Scott, I can see.
It's literally three feet away.
It's time. Release the twins.
Heaven help us all.
(RUMBLING)
(COOING)
(LAUGHING)
GREGORY: The crab queen's monsters
all heave and smash
but unseen to all,
looms the sugar crash.
What? Greg, have you been speaking
in rhyme this entire time?
Have I?
(GRUNTS)
(SNORING)
Time to finish this.
The crabs are gone,
the catapults are dismantled,
the twins are passed out.
Honestly, I don't want to wake them up.
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
-(HUMMING)
Aquari Aguami Uh
Oh! Just do the thing we talked about.
(CRYING)
That thing that you just
Whoa.
Contest got kind of crazy this year.
What have I done?
Now, we're never going to win.
And everyone else's castles
are destroyed, too.
Not everybody's.
But the wind, the water,
the small-scale war?
Are no match
for the triple-packing technique.
-Remember, any job worth doing
-Is worth doing right.
Whoa!
Déjà vu.
Except your dad said it earlier
and we were there.
It didn't sink in with you then,
-but now you've learned
-I get it, Scott.
What ho!
This last bastion shan't be other than
victor's hall.
I think you win by default.
(CLAPPING SOFTLY)
(BEEPING)
(GRUNTS)
What the beans?
Oh, yeah. Even better
than a participation ribbon.
And don't forget your sweet $25
Gravy Cakes gift card.
-Who wants wet cake?
-ALL: We do!
This is disgusting.
BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
KAI: Too wet.
We did it, old friend. We did it.
(SQUAWKS)
Come on, bug off, you dumb
No, I didn't mean to Ahhh!
Not today, Hungry Hank.
(BELL RINGING)
And tongs down.
The lunch buffet is closed.
Scott, Hailey, clean it up.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
HAILEY: Oh, yeah
SCOTT: Yeah.
-Yeah.
-(EXCLAIMS)
HAILEY: You're probably wondering
what I'm doing with a hot dog
and chocolate pudding pizzarito, right?
Wait, is that what I look like
when I eat?
Anyway, when the lunch buffet ends
at U.F. Dough,
Scott and I graciously donate our time
to clean up the leftover food,
and by cleanup,
I mean stuff our face-holes.
Your gluttony disgusts me.
Do you want a bite?
Even if I could eat,
I wouldn't eat that.
Now focus up, chow hounds.
The next most optimal list item
for you to complete is number 89.
Be in a school musical.
Me? Sing in front of lots of people?
Hailey, that's crazy perfect timing.
The school musical
is just a few weeks away.
And my girlfriend Kristine,
who I'm full on dating now,
well, she's writing, directing
and starring in Hats, The Musical.
Let me guess, it's about hats.
How did you know that?
-You really are a supercomputer.
-Whoa!
Be in a musical?
Me? I mean, sure, I've always wanted
to be in a musical. Who hasn't?
But I've never sung
in front of an audience.
I'd be so nervous.
Come on, Hai, you sing
for your uncles' band all the time.
ALL: (SINGING) Just look at the sky glow
Who cares where the time goes
A beautiful night
Totally different.
I don't sing for my uncles,
I sing with them.
Hey, maybe we could sing together.
I got a lead role.
-BOTH: Really?
-Yeah.
But it was a tough audition process.
Hi, I'm Scott. And I'd like to
(EXCLAIMS) You got the part, boyfriend!
Show business is hard work.
SUNNY: You talking about the musical?
I love musicals, and I'm so glad
Scott is putting himself out there
and exploring the arts.
Unlike me, who spent my best years
in a dark room studying anatomy,
when all I wanted to do was bring
a slice of happiness to the people.
(MAN BURPS)
Even him. Anyway, great news,
I'm taking the whole night off
to see your show.
You are? But you never take time off.
Not even for Becker's birth.
What can I say?
I like to multitask,
plus, Darryl's gonna cover for me.
-Ahhh!
-(DISHES SMASH)
Or maybe I'll close for the night.
Are you gonna be in the musical too?
Uh, I don't know.
You wouldn't be performing alone.
I'd be there to back you up.
Come on. It might be fun.
I'll do it.
I just need to find the perfect role.
Perfect.
ALL: (SINGING) He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah,
Unignorable
Yeah, yeah.
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
He's fedorable
You guys, that was incredible.
Snaps all around,
but a little constructive criticism.
Some of you are dancing
like you have two left feet.
But I do have two left feet.
I apologize, Tina.
That cliche is outdated and offensive.
And you were
the only one doing it right.
Everyone else, be more like Tina!
Now, let's take a break.
Then Scott and I will rehearse
our big love duet.
Eee!
You heard the boss.
Take five, a true five.
Everyone, clear the stage.
Important set piece coming through.
And it ain't stopping for no one.
Clear, clear, clear.
-What's up, Hailey?
-Becker?
I didn't take you as a theater fan.
I'm not.
But I am a fan of smashing
the sets with a sledgehammer
once the show is done.
The perk of being a techie.
Becker, or should I call you "sister,"
now that Scott and I are full on dating?
Not if you like your eyebrows.
There's one teeny, tiny thing I need.
The spotlight at the end
of the Fedorable number
just isn't quite bright enough.
It's already
at the highest setting, boss.
Well, it's very important
it's even brighter.
We need to get the scene
the perfect hat-mosphere.
Well (SIGHS)
We're already working with 3,000 lumens
in a two-way converter box,
but I guess I could bypass
the restrainer block.
I don't understand a word of that,
but it sure sounds exciting.
Eee!
Grand jeté!
Isn't this fun?
Then we do the whole spinny thing
and then we tappity-tap,
and then
La, la, la, la
I just want the show to be really good
for my mom.
No worries. The show is great.
Whoo-hoo!
HAILEY: The show is not great.
The story doesn't make sense,
the costumes are ridiculous,
and it's way too long.
But there are some
surprisingly catchy songs.
(SINGING) He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah
Unignorable
The softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
-O-M-G-sharp.
-(GROANS)
Hailey, your voice is glam-tastic.
I need to write you
a coat rack solo called, I'm Hooked.
Oh, no, I'm happy as a silent coat rack.
Aw. Sad face emoji.
Well, you can still change your mind.
We still have a few weeks
till opening night.
It's opening night!
Boys, act louder.
Tina, the box set starts
on your rightmost left foot.
I don't know which is which anymore.
Becker, did you brighten the spotlight
for the end of the Fedorable number?
Don't worry, boss.
I read you loud and clear.
(PANTING)
Looks like the audience
is brimming with excitement.
(CHUCKLES) Am I right?
(CHUCKLES) Killer hat pun, Hails,
but something's happening.
I have this weird rumbling
in my stomach,
like little butterflies are being eaten
by fire-breathing dragons
Sounds like nerves.
There's a first time for everything.
Wait, you've never been nervous before?
-I feel that way all the time.
-Really?
If I had to sing in front
of that audience tonight,
I'd be so nervous
I'd freeze and forget all the words
and then tumble off the stage
and break both my legs.
Uh Well, break a leg.
I mean, you know, not literally,
just, have fun out there!
(SINGING) Welcome to Hattington's
Selling you a hat again
No shenanigans
Any hat on a platter, man.
Every shape and style
A go-to shop
Come in and grab a brim
Welcome to Hattington's
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Yes!
Hat on a hat, on a hat, on a hat
What could be better than that?
Sombrero, sombrero
Wish I were a sombrero
Instead I'm a lame beret
Three-million four-hundred
Ways to hide your head
Why bother washing your hair
Just cover it instead
Am I a hat?
In my dreams
I cover the whole head
Instead of being just a brim
He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah
Unignorable
Yeah, yeah
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
He's fedorable
-(SCREAMS)
-(AUDIENCE GASPS)
-(GASPS)
-Ahhh!
Ow!
Jonathan, Thad
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
You're welcome.
Ow! Oh!
My ankle. And before our big love duet.
It's impossible to sing
with a sprained ankle.
But it's the best song.
-I wanted my mom to see it, and
-Hailey, you could do it.
-You have an incredible voice.
-Me?
But the nerves,
the butterflies, the dragons.
I know. But once you start singing,
that will totally go away.
Please?
I want to, but I'm sorry.
I just can't.
It's okay. I can do it by myself.
Kristine, sun hat costume, please.
But, Scott, you can't sing
a duet by yourself.
Yeah. Well, they said man would
never walk on the Sun either.
But those brave astronauts
proved them wrong.
Break a leg, boyfriend.
Pillbox, Stetson, bonnet, balaclava,
shower cap, the Santa hat.
We're like pancakes and ice cream
Public pools and chlorine
(GASPS)
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and
Um Mango?
HAILEY: Going out on that stage
in front of all those people
was the last place on Earth
I would ever want to be.
But for some reason, at that moment,
it didn't matter.
Because Scott needed my help.
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and meatballs
Are meant for each other
Or two puzzle pieces
BOTH: Like hot dogs and mustard
You, you fit me perfectly
Can't help but serenade ya
'Cause our love is tailor-made, yeah
You, you fit me perfectly
If I'm a lock, then you're the key
You fit me perfectly
Yeah
You fit me perfectly
Yeah, yeah
-Like pancakes and ice cream
-Waffles and ice cream
BOTH: Anything and ice cream
You fit me perfectly
Oops.
-Yeah, Scott!
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
I owe it all to the hats.
Thanks for saving me out there, Hails.
And hey, you actually sang on stage
in front of people.
Wait, I totally did.
And it was kind of awesome.
I think I want to do it again.
(ALL GASP)
KRISTINE: Becker! Stop!
We still have five more performances.
Why? The show is already a smash hit.
KRISTINE: Becker!
-(SMASHING CONTINUES)
-(BECKER LAUGHS)
(CHORUS SINGING)
He's fedorable! Yeah, yeah!
Unignorable! Yeah, yeah!
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town!
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town!
He's fedorable!
BETA: Chaos bots have been
sent from the future
to stop the one person
who can save the world.
Me?
CHORUS: (SINGING) Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
HAILEY: Teach a cat to play the piano
Roller-skate all the way to Orlando
Use my ear wax?
To make a candle
CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
HAILEY: Win first place
for world's cutest pet rock
Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost
Eat an onion
Kiss my friend Scott?
(SCOTT GROANS)
CHORUS: Hey, hey, hey!
Hailey's on it!
GREGORY: Legend shall speak of this day,
whence a hero will be not born,
but made.
Let's do this.
(CAR LOCK BEEPS)
Welcome, all, to Oceanside's Annual
Sandcastle Building Contest,
brought to ye
by the Oceanside Shakespeare Company.
-And also, by Gravy Cakes.
-(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
MAN: (SINGING) Soggy and brown
The best cakes in town, Gravy Cakes
KAI: Hey, the Banks are here.
Oh, Peter, hair's looking good,
news reporter good.
Hi, Mrs. Dawson.
You better get
that award-winning lemonade away from me
if you want to keep any.
Good morrow, Gregory.
My dad and I are kind of a big deal
at the Sandcastle Building Contest.
We've been doing it for years.
It's become our tradition.
My dad has this cherished
triple-packing technique,
which takes forever.
So, we never really make a big castle,
or win or place at all.
But we do always have a good time
and get those sweet
participation ribbons.
[Scott groaning]
Hey, Scott.
[Scott exclaims]
Thanks for watching Dwayne and Johnson
so we can do this.
Oh, it's easy.
When they get bummed,
I just give them cookies.
-[babies cooing]
-Ahhh!
Nice to finally have a relaxing day
to be Holy Kettle Corn!
Beta, why are you here?
You hate the sun and people
and birds and sand.
All true,
but I'm here because you need to win
the contest this year.
List item number 167.
I didn't tell you earlier,
because I know how you are.
-You'd freak out.
-I do not freak out!
I express my concerns loudly and quickly
because they're all buzzing around
in my head.
Now this contest
took on world-altering stakes.
Yes, I'm totally freaking out right now!
Hey, you got this, Hailey.
You know what?
Dad and I can totally win.
Nobody here
takes this contest seriously, anyways.
BOY: Hello, Hailey Banks.
HAILEY: This is A.C., and yeah,
that's how he always looks.
Way back at Taylor Dyer's
sixth birthday party,
I apparently beat him
at Duck, Duck, Goose,
and he's claimed to be
my bitter rival ever since.
I've tried ignoring him.
I tried explaining
that both people have to care
for it to be an actual rivalry.
But he's always just there.
Hope you brought aloe vera,
Hailey Banks,
because you're about to get burned.
Why are you here, A.C.?
As you know, I have been keeping track
of every competition we've ever had.
-Oh, jeez, not the paper
-On this paper.
And you are currently one up.
I am here to settle the score,
and nothing will stop me.
Aw! What the beans?
The folds keep going the wrong way,
and once you start,
it's just messed up from the
(BUGLE SOUNDING)
(CHUCKLES) We're having fun, aren't we?
Okay, we're gonna read the rules, folks.
Teams can bring three plastic shovels,
two pails and one personal bag
into the area of their choosing.
All builders must stay
in their roped-off area,
using only things within it
to build their castle.
Exciting stuff!
Don't do that.
Architects! Nigh is the time of
-(AIR HORN BLOWING)
-Look how loud this is. So loud, right?
Can you believe how loud this is?
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Whoa!
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
Hi! Good pick, Hail.
Water access, shade from the bluffs,
sand is a bit loose,
but nothing our triple-packing technique
can't fix.
Rookie move,
picking the least level area, A.C.
You're already off to a bumpy start.
Oh, no! Whatever will I
Wait, what's this,
that just happens to be buried here?
Gee, I just hope
I can guess the password
on this here control tablet.
Hey, it's my birthday.
(CHUCKLES MALICIOUSLY)
That is such a lucky break.
We're just going to have to step up
our game. Hey, Dad?
And, done. First brick.
Phew! I gotta pace myself. Musubi break.
You know, Dad, I was thinking,
maybe we could try
for a little bigger castle this year.
I mean,
what if we just did double packing?
(LAUGHS) And make a sandcastle
that will only last a week?
Isn't this a one-day contest?
Hailey, mai maka'u i ka hana.
Any job worth doing
is worth doing right.
Yeah. Dad, you know what?
I'm gonna work over here for a bit.
Scott, give me some raisins.
Wait, what is this?
This beach is crawling
with carpenter crabs,
who build around their food sources
to protect them.
GREGORY: Ah!
A western power casts its shadow
upon the eastern giant.
ZOOT: I like those little robots.
(SLURPS)
Is that a sardine?
-Ahhh! Beta!
-You are mine.
(GRUNTING)
Oh! All under control.
Thanks, Beta. Good luck.
How dare she thwart
my brilliant sabotage?
This means war.
Gee, who knew the beach
would be so warm?
I'd sure be a "fan"
of something that could cool me down.
Pun intended and well executed.
Wow. The Breeze Blaster 4000.
The world's most powerful
battery-operated fan,
which just so happens to be available
at my parent's store, Fans Plus.
What a coincidence!
Yeah, that's a huge coincidence.
I'm starting to think A.C. buried
some of that stuff beforehand.
-To cheat!
-(SCOFFS)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
GREGORY: The Black Plague,
the Sacking of Rome,
shampoo in thine eyes,
tragedies all but small
compared to this.
What the beans? Is that sea
(GRUNTS)
Yeah, it's seaweed.
Fire!
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
-(HUMMING)
All droids to the front lines.
All droids to the front lines!
Hailey, you should know, A.C.'s droids
are overpowering the crabs
on the battlefield.
Yes, Scott, I can see.
It's literally three feet away.
It's time. Release the twins.
Heaven help us all.
(RUMBLING)
(COOING)
(LAUGHING)
GREGORY: The crab queen's monsters
all heave and smash
but unseen to all,
looms the sugar crash.
What? Greg, have you been speaking
in rhyme this entire time?
Have I?
(GRUNTS)
(SNORING)
Time to finish this.
The crabs are gone,
the catapults are dismantled,
the twins are passed out.
Honestly, I don't want to wake them up.
-(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
-(HUMMING)
Aquari Aguami Uh
Oh! Just do the thing we talked about.
(CRYING)
That thing that you just
Whoa.
Contest got kind of crazy this year.
What have I done?
Now, we're never going to win.
And everyone else's castles
are destroyed, too.
Not everybody's.
But the wind, the water,
the small-scale war?
Are no match
for the triple-packing technique.
-Remember, any job worth doing
-Is worth doing right.
Whoa!
Déjà vu.
Except your dad said it earlier
and we were there.
It didn't sink in with you then,
-but now you've learned
-I get it, Scott.
What ho!
This last bastion shan't be other than
victor's hall.
I think you win by default.
(CLAPPING SOFTLY)
(BEEPING)
(GRUNTS)
What the beans?
Oh, yeah. Even better
than a participation ribbon.
And don't forget your sweet $25
Gravy Cakes gift card.
-Who wants wet cake?
-ALL: We do!
This is disgusting.
BOTH: Mmm-hmm.
KAI: Too wet.
We did it, old friend. We did it.
(SQUAWKS)
Come on, bug off, you dumb
No, I didn't mean to Ahhh!
Not today, Hungry Hank.
(BELL RINGING)
And tongs down.
The lunch buffet is closed.
Scott, Hailey, clean it up.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
HAILEY: Oh, yeah
SCOTT: Yeah.
-Yeah.
-(EXCLAIMS)
HAILEY: You're probably wondering
what I'm doing with a hot dog
and chocolate pudding pizzarito, right?
Wait, is that what I look like
when I eat?
Anyway, when the lunch buffet ends
at U.F. Dough,
Scott and I graciously donate our time
to clean up the leftover food,
and by cleanup,
I mean stuff our face-holes.
Your gluttony disgusts me.
Do you want a bite?
Even if I could eat,
I wouldn't eat that.
Now focus up, chow hounds.
The next most optimal list item
for you to complete is number 89.
Be in a school musical.
Me? Sing in front of lots of people?
Hailey, that's crazy perfect timing.
The school musical
is just a few weeks away.
And my girlfriend Kristine,
who I'm full on dating now,
well, she's writing, directing
and starring in Hats, The Musical.
Let me guess, it's about hats.
How did you know that?
-You really are a supercomputer.
-Whoa!
Be in a musical?
Me? I mean, sure, I've always wanted
to be in a musical. Who hasn't?
But I've never sung
in front of an audience.
I'd be so nervous.
Come on, Hai, you sing
for your uncles' band all the time.
ALL: (SINGING) Just look at the sky glow
Who cares where the time goes
A beautiful night
Totally different.
I don't sing for my uncles,
I sing with them.
Hey, maybe we could sing together.
I got a lead role.
-BOTH: Really?
-Yeah.
But it was a tough audition process.
Hi, I'm Scott. And I'd like to
(EXCLAIMS) You got the part, boyfriend!
Show business is hard work.
SUNNY: You talking about the musical?
I love musicals, and I'm so glad
Scott is putting himself out there
and exploring the arts.
Unlike me, who spent my best years
in a dark room studying anatomy,
when all I wanted to do was bring
a slice of happiness to the people.
(MAN BURPS)
Even him. Anyway, great news,
I'm taking the whole night off
to see your show.
You are? But you never take time off.
Not even for Becker's birth.
What can I say?
I like to multitask,
plus, Darryl's gonna cover for me.
-Ahhh!
-(DISHES SMASH)
Or maybe I'll close for the night.
Are you gonna be in the musical too?
Uh, I don't know.
You wouldn't be performing alone.
I'd be there to back you up.
Come on. It might be fun.
I'll do it.
I just need to find the perfect role.
Perfect.
ALL: (SINGING) He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah,
Unignorable
Yeah, yeah.
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
He's fedorable
You guys, that was incredible.
Snaps all around,
but a little constructive criticism.
Some of you are dancing
like you have two left feet.
But I do have two left feet.
I apologize, Tina.
That cliche is outdated and offensive.
And you were
the only one doing it right.
Everyone else, be more like Tina!
Now, let's take a break.
Then Scott and I will rehearse
our big love duet.
Eee!
You heard the boss.
Take five, a true five.
Everyone, clear the stage.
Important set piece coming through.
And it ain't stopping for no one.
Clear, clear, clear.
-What's up, Hailey?
-Becker?
I didn't take you as a theater fan.
I'm not.
But I am a fan of smashing
the sets with a sledgehammer
once the show is done.
The perk of being a techie.
Becker, or should I call you "sister,"
now that Scott and I are full on dating?
Not if you like your eyebrows.
There's one teeny, tiny thing I need.
The spotlight at the end
of the Fedorable number
just isn't quite bright enough.
It's already
at the highest setting, boss.
Well, it's very important
it's even brighter.
We need to get the scene
the perfect hat-mosphere.
Well (SIGHS)
We're already working with 3,000 lumens
in a two-way converter box,
but I guess I could bypass
the restrainer block.
I don't understand a word of that,
but it sure sounds exciting.
Eee!
Grand jeté!
Isn't this fun?
Then we do the whole spinny thing
and then we tappity-tap,
and then
La, la, la, la
I just want the show to be really good
for my mom.
No worries. The show is great.
Whoo-hoo!
HAILEY: The show is not great.
The story doesn't make sense,
the costumes are ridiculous,
and it's way too long.
But there are some
surprisingly catchy songs.
(SINGING) He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah
Unignorable
The softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
-O-M-G-sharp.
-(GROANS)
Hailey, your voice is glam-tastic.
I need to write you
a coat rack solo called, I'm Hooked.
Oh, no, I'm happy as a silent coat rack.
Aw. Sad face emoji.
Well, you can still change your mind.
We still have a few weeks
till opening night.
It's opening night!
Boys, act louder.
Tina, the box set starts
on your rightmost left foot.
I don't know which is which anymore.
Becker, did you brighten the spotlight
for the end of the Fedorable number?
Don't worry, boss.
I read you loud and clear.
(PANTING)
Looks like the audience
is brimming with excitement.
(CHUCKLES) Am I right?
(CHUCKLES) Killer hat pun, Hails,
but something's happening.
I have this weird rumbling
in my stomach,
like little butterflies are being eaten
by fire-breathing dragons
Sounds like nerves.
There's a first time for everything.
Wait, you've never been nervous before?
-I feel that way all the time.
-Really?
If I had to sing in front
of that audience tonight,
I'd be so nervous
I'd freeze and forget all the words
and then tumble off the stage
and break both my legs.
Uh Well, break a leg.
I mean, you know, not literally,
just, have fun out there!
(SINGING) Welcome to Hattington's
Selling you a hat again
No shenanigans
Any hat on a platter, man.
Every shape and style
A go-to shop
Come in and grab a brim
Welcome to Hattington's
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Yes!
Hat on a hat, on a hat, on a hat
What could be better than that?
Sombrero, sombrero
Wish I were a sombrero
Instead I'm a lame beret
Three-million four-hundred
Ways to hide your head
Why bother washing your hair
Just cover it instead
Am I a hat?
In my dreams
I cover the whole head
Instead of being just a brim
He's fedorable
Yeah, yeah
Unignorable
Yeah, yeah
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town
He's fedorable
-(SCREAMS)
-(AUDIENCE GASPS)
-(GASPS)
-Ahhh!
Ow!
Jonathan, Thad
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
You're welcome.
Ow! Oh!
My ankle. And before our big love duet.
It's impossible to sing
with a sprained ankle.
But it's the best song.
-I wanted my mom to see it, and
-Hailey, you could do it.
-You have an incredible voice.
-Me?
But the nerves,
the butterflies, the dragons.
I know. But once you start singing,
that will totally go away.
Please?
I want to, but I'm sorry.
I just can't.
It's okay. I can do it by myself.
Kristine, sun hat costume, please.
But, Scott, you can't sing
a duet by yourself.
Yeah. Well, they said man would
never walk on the Sun either.
But those brave astronauts
proved them wrong.
Break a leg, boyfriend.
Pillbox, Stetson, bonnet, balaclava,
shower cap, the Santa hat.
We're like pancakes and ice cream
Public pools and chlorine
(GASPS)
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and
Um Mango?
HAILEY: Going out on that stage
in front of all those people
was the last place on Earth
I would ever want to be.
But for some reason, at that moment,
it didn't matter.
Because Scott needed my help.
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and
Like spaghetti and meatballs
Are meant for each other
Or two puzzle pieces
BOTH: Like hot dogs and mustard
You, you fit me perfectly
Can't help but serenade ya
'Cause our love is tailor-made, yeah
You, you fit me perfectly
If I'm a lock, then you're the key
You fit me perfectly
Yeah
You fit me perfectly
Yeah, yeah
-Like pancakes and ice cream
-Waffles and ice cream
BOTH: Anything and ice cream
You fit me perfectly
Oops.
-Yeah, Scott!
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
I owe it all to the hats.
Thanks for saving me out there, Hails.
And hey, you actually sang on stage
in front of people.
Wait, I totally did.
And it was kind of awesome.
I think I want to do it again.
(ALL GASP)
KRISTINE: Becker! Stop!
We still have five more performances.
Why? The show is already a smash hit.
KRISTINE: Becker!
-(SMASHING CONTINUES)
-(BECKER LAUGHS)
(CHORUS SINGING)
He's fedorable! Yeah, yeah!
Unignorable! Yeah, yeah!
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town!
With the softest brim
A dented crown
He's the slickest lid in town!
He's fedorable!