Hiccups and Hookups (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Now,
let's nail that rock star haircut.
Man,
I desperately need a makeover.
And you have come
to the right salon.
No! A little lower, please.
No, lower still.
A little lower.
Yeah. Okay.
Mom, these are so cute!
When did you buy
them? Let me see them.
She never likes my shoes.
Because they're always so meh.
But these are cool, right?
I think it also fits me better.
We're done.
It looks nice, yeah?
Whatever!
Can I have my bill?
That would be Rs 4,000, ma'am.
Mom!
I knew it!
You'd try to look edgy,
but you'd be the 'same old me'.
After spending one
hour and Rs 4,000,
you've transformed
into yourself.
Give me back my shoes!
I need at least six people
to sign up for this marathon.
Of course, you guys know
that we're raising funds to support
NGOs who support transgenders.
Alright? It's a good cause.
It's a great cause, right?
And marathons
are great for health.
So, please join up, guys.
We'll have the first warm-up
session this evening.
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
Hydrate yourselves.
And wear something
which isn't tight. Okay?
You have to feel free.
So, come on,
guys. Who's up? Come on.
- Hi, sir. I want to register.
- Huh?
Kavanya Khattar.
Oh, Kavanya! Perfect!
Here. Fill up your
name and number,
and meet me on the
field in the evening.
Yeah? - For sure, sir.
It's indeed strange. I save
my best jokes for my kids
so that I can crack
a few every day.
But yesterday, out of nowhere,
a cricket ball suddenly flew at me, and
- And it hit me in the head.
- Shit!
Out of nowhere!
Sir, are you sure the kids hit
you with the ball by mistake?
Congratulations, Fatima,
for asking a dumb question.
Of course,
they hit me by mistake!
They love me! - Definitely!
We all love you, sir.
Thank you. - Yes, sir.
So, as I was saying
Hey, this is a clever hack to
tolerate Sat-dick's nonsense!
Amazing!
This job, I tell you
I know it in my bones that I
should do something else.
I know, man!
Even my chakra has closed
after I almost opened it.
The darned chakra, I swear
Hello!
- Blue ticks Blue ticks
- Is the Flutey fuck back?
'Are you free? I can
meet you at 3 pm.'
What is he saying?
He wants to meet
at three o'clock.
You should go! Go
and play his flute!
Shh! It's not like that.
- Plus,
I have to be at the office and all
- Hey, come on!
When he plays his tune,
all your stress will be out.
Please go!
No, it's too risky. Anyway,
what's the point?
The big O!
So, that's the brief. The big O.
Febin,
how do we men look at women
in a raunchy music video?
Like how, sir?
I'm asking you,
and you're asking me. Stupid!
Sir!
Sir, lewdly. - Correct!
So,
we have to leer at this car lewdly.
Somebody, shoot me!
Did you say something?
Not at all, sir. - Okay.
So, Vasudha, review the designs
at 6 pm and email us your report.
That's your job. The big O!
Was this logo of Kechup
always placed here?
Yes, sir.
Good afternoon, Sanjana.
Good afternoon, sir.
Sir, Pankaj sir has asked me
to book the conference room
for your 1 pm with Mr Lal.
Mr Lal?
Who is Mr Lal?
Mr Lal is our landlord.
Mr Lal! - Yeah!
Of course! Mr Lal!
Oh, that meeting is today,
right? Okay.
Sir,
here's a copy of the rent agreement.
Sanjana,
please ask Pankaj to handle all this.
Paperwork is not my
cup of tea. You know that!
But, sir,
Pankaj sir is not free.
He has an interview with
DotCrunch at the same time.
DotCrunch?
What interview with DotCrunch?
- Sir, he has an interview scheduled.
- Here? At the office?
Sir, I have to urgently approve
some expense requests.
So, I'll take your leave.
Good day.
I'm sorry,
sir. It just slipped out of my mouth.
Sanjana,
I specifically told you
You know what? It's
fine. Okay? You can go.
Thank you, sir.
Hi, Sanjana.
I'm I'm sorry, sir.
Tell me fast. I'm in a rush.
Dude,
please handle the meeting with Mr Lal.
And I'll handle the
interview with DotCrunch.
No. Look
Everything has been fixed.
So, let's switch, buddy.
Look, this is not based
on my need to skip office.
Nor am I insecure about the fact
that you left me out of this interview.
I get it, bro.
I haven't been coming to
work. So why would you tell me?
Yeah. I guess that's
nice of you. Thanks.
But listen, buddy.
Uncle takes you more seriously.
Actually,
who doesn't take you seriously?
You're the ideal boy.
You're Alexander The Great.
And I'm just Alexander,
a 36-year-old bachelor.
Do you understand?
Do you understand that I've prepared
for the interview with DotCrunch?
All these notes
And I'm getting really late. So,
let me go.
Panku, I realise you're stressed
that I'd mess up the
interview by going unprepared.
I won't mess it up! I swear!
Look, if our rent increases,
it'd be a problem.
Panku, I'm thinking about us,
not me!
Alright, man. Please don't
say anything stupid, okay?
We need this.
Panku,
I know. I got this. Trust me.
Listen, I'll crack this interview and
then take you out for beers tonight.
Hey! - Just like old times.
No,
I've quit. I don't drink anymore.
Gosh,
why don't you die for a few days then?
Okay,
you should go now. You have to go, right?
You're going to meet with Noyona,
1:30 pm, at Flex.
Look, don't fuck it up.
Noyona!
Okay,
man! I'll look at her respectfully.
I promise.
Go.
Like I said, for Panku.
Bye, Sanjana.
Hello, Noyona.
I don't know! My mom
wouldn't allow me.
- Isn't Prashant, the new coach, very hot?
- Kay.
Oh my God!
Kay, can we just talk?
I mean,
you don't pick up my phone calls.
You can't keep avoiding me all the time,
you know!
For the tenth time, fuck off!
I don't want to talk to you,
and I don't want to listen to anything.
Bro, like I've been saying
for the last 15 days, I'm sorry.
Fine. I accept your apology
like I have been accepting
it for the last 15 days.
Now, bye.
Come on, Kay! It's not like
we were exclusive, right?
We were in an open relationship. So,
what the fuck?
So, why don't you leave
me alone if it was open?
Why do you want to talk to me?
This is over. I don't know
why you keep pursuing me.
Yeah! He's very 'that'!
Hey.
Hey.
Have you come
to visit a relative?
You're very cute.
I love ice cream.
Thank you.
The fridge is over there.
Hey!
Hey!
So, finally! Akhil Rao!
Hey. Noyona? Nayana? I
don't wanna get this wrong.
It's No-yo-na.
Okay. Hey,
Noyona. Should we sit?
Absolutely! Let's sit.
So, will you have coffee,
greet tea or juice?
How about a whiskey sour?
Oh, bold!
Life's short, you see?
You sure have a way of making a point,
but without
Without making a point, right?
I was just about
to not finish that
because a smart-ass
interviewee is a turn-off, I'm sure.
You know,
guys trying to be too cool
It's an occupational hazard,
you see?
Well,
I left my smart-ass chip at home.
So,
I guess all you have is just me.
Which looks good enough to me.
Waiter.
A whiskey sour for the lady,
and just water for me.
You definitely need some water.
I have to be back at
the office in half an hour.
Half an hour.
A lot can happen
in half an hour.
So, how did you guys stand out?
Is casual sex something
you knew really well? Is it?
I mean,
sex is also human behaviour, right?
And in today's times,
we just want to hook up without much else.
Go on. I hear you.
And at Kechup, we've combined
modern dating with food habits.
Also, food and sex go together.
Like, on a deeper level,
they satisfy the basic hunger.
So, our algorithm is primed for
great chemistry via food habits.
That's why we say,
'When taste matches, rest matches.'
So,
what do you think about our chemistry
right here, right now?
It's good.
What about an
'early early dinner'?
I've heard it's really
good for health.
You know,
where we can match our taste
and then figure out the rest?
Oh, shit!
Noyona, I'm so sorry. You know,
today's just one of those days
I have another
meeting scheduled here.
And I have no idea
when will it end.
Sad. But alright.
Hey, but this was fab!
Catch up soon? - Yes, sure.
Hopefully, super soon.
See you. - See you.
My poor hormones! Panku
- Done for the day. Thank you so much.
- Ma'am.
- You can clear the food.
- Excuse me.
- Can I have the cheque, please?
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Hey, is this food so good that you
need to click pictures to see them later?
Well, I do it to avoid cute men
who think they're damn cool.
You know the type.
Cute? Who? Me?
Long day at work.
Want to get a drink?
Sure.
Do you have spoons?
Hello.
Do you have spoons?
Bhuwan took all the
spoons when he moved out.
Okay.
I have to rush back to office.
I don't want to,
but it doesn't seem like I have a choice.
You've zoned out completely, eh?
So,
you went from the big O to
Ah Ah Arrhhh
Stop it!
Did it happen?
I've missed out on so much!
The sex was so good!
And he's exactly
how he comes across.
You mean hot, right?
No.
I mean, he's just so real.
He doesn't pretend at all.
And did he
You were prepared, right?
Prepared? What do you mean?
You have to have
your Brazilian done.
I'm not going to get a
Brazilian. It's very painful.
Come on, you have to!
I'm getting you an appointment.
Casual sex is production-heavy,
but your privates need to be
cleaner than your conscience.
Got it?
I'm so excited!
Fuck!
Oh! Hi, Kay. - Hi, Mekhla.
How are you?
I just came to pick
up my running shoes.
I'm moving back to Delhi.
Mekhla,
give me two minutes. I'll get ready and
Kay! When did you get here?
I'm just here for
a quick minute.
I came to pick up
my running shoes.
Man, what is all this filth?
Has Kavita gone on leave again?
Kavita left once Vasu left.
They were the best of friends.
So,
get another maid! You're not 17!
Oh God! Why are you
acting like my mother?
I missed you so much.
Okay, I've to go for marathon training. So,
I'll call you later.
I'll drop you. I'll drop
you at the airport.
And I'll drop you wherever you
want. Just give me five minutes.
No, I'll go on my own.
- No, you're not going back.
- But you come, I'll wait with Mekhla.
I'll drop you. Hang on.
So - Yes?
Tell me one thing. What
works with older guys?
Like,
you and pops How did it start?
Like, he's so old and boring.
Well,
I hadn't planned it.
But he's a nice guy.
We used to talk at work,
and I guess I never realised.
And it just happened.
And if you're into someone,
they just know it.
But now, he doesn't want it.
He's quite clear.
That must be irritating.
I guess that's life.
So,
I'll head back to Delhi and figure it out.
Wow, pops!
How is this boring look different
than what you were wearing before?
Yes, I'm boring. Let's go.
Come in.
Wow! Fancy!
Yeah.
Are you a pro photographer?
Kind of.
Come here.
One second.
Fancy!
Ma'am, it hurts the first
time. You'll get used to it.
Oh, mom!
It's done,
ma'am. I'll bring oil.
Fuck!
'Hello, kids.'
'We have three more weeks of this cruise,
'
'which is just perfect.'
'We've made our
post-retirement plan.'
'We can all catch up very soon.'
'Best wishes, mom.'
Everything was going so well!
Come on, Akku! Pick up!
Amazing!
Yeah. Isn't that pretty? I
got that from Hong Kong.
No, I meant
This What just happened.
Yeah. That was pretty amazing.
Let me show you something.
You know? - What?
I feel weirdly
comfortable around you.
Aww! When do you
want to meet my parents?
Do you want to have
a destination wedding?
I don't think anyone
knows about this.
'I believe that atoms are
what bring people together.'
'And I'm looking for a girl'
'whose atoms
respond to my atoms'
'so that we can cook a
molecule of love together.'
You wrote this?
It's so cute! - It's cute.
But it's also an epic fail.
I haven't got a single match
on this profile in three years.
Oh, no! - But then,
there's this.
Ta-da!
Profile number two.
Oh!
So, this is the reality.
Despite being the
co-founder and CTO,
I have to do the
same packaging shit
like other people.
But that's so shitty.
These days, the word 'real'
is reserved only for IG stories.
The rest is all packaging.
You have to look
at life through filters.
You know what?
I really like you.
Fuck everything else.
This was amazing!
Yeah. Wasn't it?
I never thought I could have
great sex with someone like you.
Someone who doesn't
have a 10/10 body.
I mean, not even an 8/10 one.
And you're not very cute either.
But the sex was mind-blowing!
I learnt a lesson today.
Personality is underrated.
So, thank you, Shabana,
for teaching me this.
You have no idea
how this opens a whole
new window of girls
to hook up with.
Amazing!
Let's do this again.
Just take one. Kay will kill us.
Sometimes, I think she loves these
cookies even more than she loves me.
What good news do
you have? Tell me.
S-E-X.
No!
Who?
I feel bad that my app couldn't
help you. I guess it's okay.
Anyway,
this is about you, not me.
But, Akku, he really gets me.
Now, I know why your app,
Kechup, is such a big hit.
This casual sex is like
I know, right?
I also had an encounter today.
She's absolutely not my type!
Basically,
the 'not hot but good
personality' type.
But surprisingly, great sex!
And before that,
I nailed this media interview for Kechup.
Panku was so stressed.
And my testosterone was raging,
but no!
I decided not to
mix work with sex.
- I've become so mature, sis!
- I see.
That's why you didn't
answer my call today.
You know what? I was thinking
I should start
playing football again.
I think I should face my fears.
In school,
it triggered you to attempt suicide.
Football!
You wanna go straight to that!
Can't you face your
fears some other way?
Why don't you guys go to sleep?
Do you know what time it is?
Y'all are giggling like kids!
Cookie?
Hey! Is that my box?
What?
- Kay, I'll buy two boxes for you tomorrow.
- No.
Mom,
these are made in select batches!
Shit!
Guys, you suck.
Let's eat one more cookie
from the select batch each
and then go to sleep.
Okay, guys. Remember.
After the dynamic stretches,
do this trail.
It's key to a balanced
awareness. Alright?
Good! Good! Good!
Good stuff.
You guys are up next, okay?
Nice shoes, Kavanya.
Have you run a marathon before?
Sir, just call me Kay.
Yes, but then I took a break.
My parents separated.
So, that's why
Tough.
Okay. So, you keep running.
It'll reduce your stress.
And the harder you train,
the better your stamina will be.
Okay?
Come on. Get up. You can do it.
Okay, guys. Come on.
Are you done? Get up! Come on.
Come on! One more round!
I tried.
But these people say
'excuse me' and barge in.
It's okay.
'My mood is bright today.'
'So,
I'll handle them right away.'
Well said!
Hello, Mrs Iyer.
Very good.
- We're all being so proud of you.
- Thank you.
One big co-founder of a big
technology making company in our area!
It's very nice.
Otherwise, today's bachelors are
worse than yesterday's bachelors.
Mrs Iyer is so right.
Akhil, you're being such a nice,
good boy.
And we really are wanting
you to join our RWA.
Yes, absolutely! Absolutely!
Oh, sorry.
My real business
partner. The real good boy.
Yo! - 'You asshole!'
'asshole, what did you do?'
'You've fucked us up!'
- Excuse me. He's
- 'What did you do with Shabana?'
'What did you do?'
- What did I do?
'You fucked us up!
You fucked us up!'
How the fuck did I fuck us
up? What did I do? Tell me!
'What did you do with Shabana?'
With Shabana?
'And that fucking
video that's gone viral'
'All the celebs are sharing
it and calling you toxic!'
'I don't fucking get you, man!'
'Why are you hell-bent on
shutting down our company?'
fuck! I really had no idea, man!
'What do you mean
you had no idea?'
'Akhil,
you shouldn't step out of the house.'
'You can't do anything properly.'
- Pankaj
'Do you know? Mrs
Lal also called me.'
'She's asked us to
bloody leave the office!'
'I begged and
convinced her not to.'
'Our rent has gone
up ten percent!'
'fuck, man! Akhil, you'
'Get some help, man! Seriously!'
Pankaj
fuck!
Hi.
Baby, who is that lady?
Spoons
Sorry.
'He body-shamed me.
And he called me ugly.'
'And he told me how Kechup
looks at all the people the same way.'
'Toxic men like Akhil Rao'
'enjoy cushy jobs at
companies like Kechup'
'and are spreading the filth
of their masculinity all over.'