Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020) s01e03 Episode Script
Chapter Three: The Cliffs Of Insanity
1
- Are you ready?
- CHILD: Action.
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
VIZZINI: We're safe.
Only Fezzik is strong
enough to go up our way.
He'll have to sail around for
hours till he finds a harbor!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
He's climbing the rope.
And he's gaining on us.
Inconceivable!
♪
Faster!
I thought I was going faster.
You were supposed to be this Colossus.
This great legendary
thing and yet, he gains!
Well, I'm carrying two people,
and he's got only himself.
VIZZINI: Now, I don't accept excuses.
I'm just gonna have to find
a new giant, that's all.
[HUFFS]
Don't say that, Vizzini, please.
VIZZINI: Did I make it clear
that your job is at stake?
♪
[GROANS]
He has very good arms.
He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
You keep using that word.
I do not think it means
what you think it means.
My God, he's climbing!
Whoever he is, he's obviously
seen us with the princess
and must, therefore, die!
You carry her!
We'll head straight for
the Guilder frontier.
Catch up when he's
dead. If he falls, fine.
If not the sword.
- I want to do him left-handed.
- You know what a hurry we're in.
Well, it's the only
way I can be satisfied.
If I use my right?
Pfft! Over too quickly.
Fine! Have it your way.
You be careful.
People in masks cannot be trusted.
I'm waiting!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[GRUNTS]
Hello, there!
Slow going?
Look, I don't mean to be rude,
but this is not as
easy as it looks, so
I'd appreciate it if
you wouldn't distract me.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
[GRUNTING]
I do not suppose you
could speed things up?
If you're in such a hurry,
you could lower a rope or a tree branch
or find something useful to do?
I could do that. In fact, I, uh
I've got some rope here.
But I don't think you
would accept my help,
since I am just waiting
around to kill you.
That does put a damper
on our relationship.
I promise you will reach the top alive.
That's very comforting.
But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
I hate waiting.
I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
[GRUNTING] No good! I've
known too many Spaniards.
So you cannot find
another way to trust me?
Nothing comes to mind.
I swear on the soul of my
father, Domingo Montoya
you will reach the top alive.
Throw me the rope.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
♪
[GRUNTS]
♪
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
[PANTING] Okay. Thank you.
We'll wait until you're ready.
Once again, thank you.
[GROANS]
I don't mean to pry, but
I guess you wouldn't have six fingers
on that right hand of yours, do you?
Do you always begin
conversations this way?
My father was slaughtered
by a six-fingered man.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
He was a sword maker, my father.
A great one.
And one day, a six-fingered man arrived,
and asked for a very special sword.
My father took the job.
He slaved for one year
until he was done.
♪
[LIGHTSABER IGNITES]
[WARBLING AND HUMMING]
- I've never seen its equal.
- [LIGHTSABER POWERS DOWN]
The six-fingered man returned
and demanded it.
But he offered one-tenth
of his promised price.
My father refused and
without a word
the six-fingered man slashed
him through the heart.
Obviously, I challenged
his murderer with a duel.
But I failed.
[SCOFFS]
The six-fingered man left me alive
with the special sword.
And this and this.
How old were you?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I was 11 years old.
But when I got strong enough,
I dedicated my life to
the study of fencing.
So the next time we meet,
I will not fail.
I will go up to the
six-fingered man and say
"Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die."
You've done nothing but study swordplay?
Well, more pursuit than study.
[CHUCKLES]
It's been 20 years now.
I'm starting to lose my confidence.
[SIGHS]
There is not a lot of
money in revenge, you know?
[CHUCKLES] That's why I work
with Vizzini to pay the bills.
Well, I certainly hope
you find him some day.
[EXHALES FORCEFULLY] Are you ready?
Whether I am or not,
you've been more than fair.
You seem a decent fellow.
I hate to kill you.
You seem a decent fellow.
I hate to die.
Begin.
- Are you ready?
- CHILD: Action.
[GRUNTING]
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
VIZZINI: We're safe.
Only Fezzik is strong
enough to go up our way.
He'll have to sail around for
hours till he finds a harbor!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
He's climbing the rope.
And he's gaining on us.
Inconceivable!
♪
Faster!
I thought I was going faster.
You were supposed to be this Colossus.
This great legendary
thing and yet, he gains!
Well, I'm carrying two people,
and he's got only himself.
VIZZINI: Now, I don't accept excuses.
I'm just gonna have to find
a new giant, that's all.
[HUFFS]
Don't say that, Vizzini, please.
VIZZINI: Did I make it clear
that your job is at stake?
♪
[GROANS]
He has very good arms.
He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
You keep using that word.
I do not think it means
what you think it means.
My God, he's climbing!
Whoever he is, he's obviously
seen us with the princess
and must, therefore, die!
You carry her!
We'll head straight for
the Guilder frontier.
Catch up when he's
dead. If he falls, fine.
If not the sword.
- I want to do him left-handed.
- You know what a hurry we're in.
Well, it's the only
way I can be satisfied.
If I use my right?
Pfft! Over too quickly.
Fine! Have it your way.
You be careful.
People in masks cannot be trusted.
I'm waiting!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[GRUNTS]
Hello, there!
Slow going?
Look, I don't mean to be rude,
but this is not as
easy as it looks, so
I'd appreciate it if
you wouldn't distract me.
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
[GRUNTING]
I do not suppose you
could speed things up?
If you're in such a hurry,
you could lower a rope or a tree branch
or find something useful to do?
I could do that. In fact, I, uh
I've got some rope here.
But I don't think you
would accept my help,
since I am just waiting
around to kill you.
That does put a damper
on our relationship.
I promise you will reach the top alive.
That's very comforting.
But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
I hate waiting.
I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
[GRUNTING] No good! I've
known too many Spaniards.
So you cannot find
another way to trust me?
Nothing comes to mind.
I swear on the soul of my
father, Domingo Montoya
you will reach the top alive.
Throw me the rope.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
♪
[GRUNTS]
♪
[GRUNTS, GROANS]
[PANTING] Okay. Thank you.
We'll wait until you're ready.
Once again, thank you.
[GROANS]
I don't mean to pry, but
I guess you wouldn't have six fingers
on that right hand of yours, do you?
Do you always begin
conversations this way?
My father was slaughtered
by a six-fingered man.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
He was a sword maker, my father.
A great one.
And one day, a six-fingered man arrived,
and asked for a very special sword.
My father took the job.
He slaved for one year
until he was done.
♪
[LIGHTSABER IGNITES]
[WARBLING AND HUMMING]
- I've never seen its equal.
- [LIGHTSABER POWERS DOWN]
The six-fingered man returned
and demanded it.
But he offered one-tenth
of his promised price.
My father refused and
without a word
the six-fingered man slashed
him through the heart.
Obviously, I challenged
his murderer with a duel.
But I failed.
[SCOFFS]
The six-fingered man left me alive
with the special sword.
And this and this.
How old were you?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I was 11 years old.
But when I got strong enough,
I dedicated my life to
the study of fencing.
So the next time we meet,
I will not fail.
I will go up to the
six-fingered man and say
"Hello.
My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die."
You've done nothing but study swordplay?
Well, more pursuit than study.
[CHUCKLES]
It's been 20 years now.
I'm starting to lose my confidence.
[SIGHS]
There is not a lot of
money in revenge, you know?
[CHUCKLES] That's why I work
with Vizzini to pay the bills.
Well, I certainly hope
you find him some day.
[EXHALES FORCEFULLY] Are you ready?
Whether I am or not,
you've been more than fair.
You seem a decent fellow.
I hate to kill you.
You seem a decent fellow.
I hate to die.
Begin.