Huge (2010) s01e03 Episode Script

Previously on "Huge" - And welcome, Willemina.
- I prefer Will.
Every camper must be in their bathing suit, for the "before" picture.
Everyone wants us to hate our bodies.
Well, I refuse to.
It's not that bad here.
I lost 26 and a half pounds, then I gained some of it back.
I'm Shay, your worst nightmare! I got me a new assistant coach.
Give it up for George! - Everybody's obsessed with him.
- He, like, is hot.
It's just a fact.
[Will.]
What is it you actually like about her? She's beautiful.
Trent, I totally love your hair today.
Delgado? [woman.]
Cute.
Tissues.
That's so "mom.
" - Take it.
- Wait, how's your cabin and everything? It's fine.
I gotta go.
Allow me to introduce to you, chef Joe Salzniak.
No seconds.
I real want this to work.
- Dad - I heard you.
[quacking.]
Good morning! Wake up, everyone! Morning time, morning time Time to start our day Mr.
Sun says please get up And let's be on our way [girl.]
Go away.
[girl yawning.]
[Will groaning.]
Will, I'm gonna count to three.
One Two Come on, you two.
[indistinct muttering.]
[yawning.]
Good morning, Camp Victory.
- [all, sleepily.]
Good morning.
- [blowing raspberry.]
[Dorothy.]
Please join me in our daily affirmation.
[all.]
We are grateful for our bodies and our spirits.
We are grateful for our health Wanna get under? for our strength of mind Hey, check out Amber's pajamas.
I need better pajamas.
- [yawning.]
- We are grateful for our friends, new and old.
We are grateful for our families.
Hey.
Can you, like, tell your friend to take a shower? Seriously.
We all think it should come from you.
He stinks.
[all.]
We are grateful for this new day.
Hail to thee Camp Victory Where hope shines like a star Although the summer sun may set We promise we'll not soon forget - Camp Victory - How wonderful you are What's that for? It's a larping group I'm hoping to form.
Do you know what larping is? - Um - It's basically a group of people role-playing as different characters in a fantasy scenario They go in the woods with fake swords and pretend they're elves.
Well, actually, the world I created is an egalitarian tribal society with nine races - Wow Well, good luck! - You too! I hope this isn't a mistake.
Dude, it'll be fine.
I'm gonna have to talk.
To people.
Will you come with me? To the first meeting? You wouldn't have to larp.
Yeah, I'll come.
You should ask Ian.
And that guy he hangs out with.
- Or I'll ask them.
- Thanks.
[Dorothy.]
OK, campers I dreamed the whole camp was on this island, and we were, like, stranded.
And the whole point was, like, for us to get so hungry that we would eat each other.
That's deeply disturbing.
So it's pretty crazy here at camp.
Living with so many guys in such a small space.
So if you're not sure how to use your free periods, we need people to work in the vegetable garden.
And last but not least, our first campfire of the summer will be, yes tomorrow night.
[cheering, applause.]
So you have to come to something.
Don't say it like that.
You don't have to.
- So what's the thing? - I'm starting this larping group Ooh, is that, like, with wizards? Can I be someone who speaks only in riddles? [Amber laughing.]
[Ian.]
So who else is coming to this thing? Like is anybody from your cabin coming? - Like who? - Should we dress up? - You don't have to.
- But we can, right? [laughing.]
You ever do that sulfur experiment in science? That's what this kid smells like.
That's horrible! It's true! I'm the victim here, his bunk is right next to mine.
The smell is like that force in The NeverEnding Story.
It wipes out everything.
Seriously, who is this? Uh, the gay kid, Alistair.
Oh.
Yeah.
Are "Tam" girls? Tam are partially feline humanoids.
They're raised in packs, and they disdain weaponry, using their claws to do damage.
I disdain weaponry! Now, "Wortlans," on the other hand, have their ancestry in the plant world, so they can expel a pollen that makes their enemies drowsy.
- Pretty unique.
- I have a confession to make.
I have larped.
In my life.
Well there goes my respect for you.
Shut up.
I dated this girl who was really into it.
Yeah, that can be rough.
She's a gnome, you're not That's not why I don't wanna get into it.
She just destroyed me slightly.
I'm over it.
Hey, can I ask you a question? It's kind of embarrassing.
Is this about Amber? What? No, it's about Alistair.
Oh.
- [Becca laughing.]
- It's How do you tell someone that they, like smell? Just do it.
I'd want to know.
I would too.
That's my worst fear.
That I smell and I don't know it.
So you would tell me if I did, right? - Yeah.
- Are you sure? [sniffs.]
You're fine.
Seriously.
You smell like fabric softener.
Thank God.
OK.
I'll tell him later.
Hey, why'd you think I was gonna ask you about Amber? No reason.
This is where the actual larp will take place.
This is Oben Nemeton.
It means "sacred grove of Oben," an incredibly powerful wizard whose soul haunts this ground.
I bet a bunch of people have done it here.
He left behind this sacred amulet.
And all the different races want to find it in order to gain its power.
I hope more people are coming.
I want to be one of the cat-people.
I feel like they'd be really graceful.
Like this [purring, growling.]
[Ian.]
This is just like Cats, the musical.
Um, who are you? Rader? [girl.]
You know her? This chick goes to my school! [laughs.]
So, finally decided to put down the cake.
- Good choice.
[laughing.]
- Get outta here, man.
Wait, wait, I just have one question.
When you're in the shower, and you look down What can you even see? - [boy laughing.]
- Your mother.
- Oh - Hey douchebag! You got one second to leave before I kick your ass.
What are you gonna do, eat us? This is our place.
We come here every day after tennis.
Will.
Let's go.
Come on.
- Bye.
- Uh, bye.
Yeah, back that ass up! [mimicking fat.]
[kids laughing.]
[George.]
OK and all the way up, really reach! It's called "salute to the sun," guys, the sun's up there.
And left knee Sorry.
Right knee.
That guy's been making my life hell since eighth grade.
I should've punched him in the nuts.
Is that something you usually do? [George.]
And lean into it.
I should've done something.
We shouldn't have moved.
And vinyasa.
[grunting.]
You found that place.
If you want to larp there you should larp there.
It's fine.
It's not like anyone showed up anyway.
We'll get people.
And go back.
I can't.
Not if those tennis kids are there.
If you let them scare you off, they win.
You have to show them they mean nothing to you.
[George.]
Good, find your balance Don't hold your breath.
Keep breathing.
Good.
- Ow.
- [Trent.]
I know.
I totally messed up my knee this year playing football.
So like, what position do you play? I try to be as versatile Trent.
No talking, hold the pose We get a bunch of people, and go down there and show those kids they can't screw with us.
And I, Willamina Rader, will larp.
And that is my promise to you.
[George.]
Weight forward, Alistair.
I can't.
Alistair! Get up! Everyone hold this position! Fill your lungs with Quit screwing around Piznarski! peaceful energy.
You're not here to be their friend, G.
Make them fear you! You're my assistant coach.
You represent me.
I don't want a repeat of what happened last summer.
Why, what happened last summer? Look, I chose you.
Just make me look good.
[mimicking Amber.]
So what position do you play? Oh, Amber, I play every position! [grunts.]
- Dude, get off me, freak! - I want to talk about - [George.]
Trent! - He started it.
- No, I didn't.
- This cabin has to do better.
A lot better.
People have not been doing their chores.
I was gonna do mine, but there was a spider in the broom.
- [laughing.]
- [George.]
I'm serious! From now on, you check the chore wheel Where is it? Whatever your chore is, you do it! - [wheel clatters.]
- [laughing.]
Is he, like, mad or something? We better not tell him about the toilet.
[door closes.]
[knocking.]
Um George? George? Oh, yeah, come on in.
There's kind of another issue.
[groans.]
The toilet? I know.
No, it's OK [whispering.]
you know how people say someone smells? Like an insult? Yet someone could actually smell.
Just in point of fact.
Are we talking about Alistair? I think he's taken, like, one shower since camp started.
And People want me to say something, but, I mean, I barely know him.
Don't worry.
I'll deal with it.
Just don't hurt his feelings, OK? You know what? I'd better do it.
Seriously.
It'll be less weird for him.
Coming from me.
The basic concept is, in the universe of Calwyn, these different tribes and types of beings interact.
Basically these different sides are in a war - cause they all wanna find this - Amulet.
amulet, so the point is to fight the enemy with swords, or a hypnotic spell, or laser vision [Amber.]
Jake? Semi-cute.
Like he's cute for here, you know? Yeah.
What about Trent? Trent's cute.
Like, officially.
But like, would you ever hook up with him? Mmm maybe? - Why, would you? - Oh, yeah! I mean if you didn't like him, I would maybe try something.
Oh.
I mean, so do you? I don't know.
Is that weird to say? No.
I totally get it.
What about Piznarski? Ugh, he's so annoying.
[upbeat music playing.]
Here I am, running 'round, 'round, spinning Into you again And each race and class has its own specific set of skills - and weaknesses - It's actually really simple.
You just pick a thing to be, and destroy who's ever in your way.
Let me be let me be Nice hustle, gentlemen.
Hey, DR.
- I am pumped for that first campfire.
- Good.
You know, the first summer that I worked here, when Lorraine was director? She'd have two or three campfires a week.
You've mentioned that.
[Shay laughing.]
She would tell these stories I don't know where she came up with them, they were flat out hilarious.
You should tell one, sometime.
Oh, no, I couldn't do it like she did.
She'd have us hanging on every word.
It'd just be great if there were something to bring us all together, you know? Like Lorraine did.
Too bad we can't invite her.
I know, right? Yeah [Ian.]
I am so ready to larp! [grunting.]
[Alistair hissing.]
- [yelling.]
- Hey! Cats can't get wet! Hey.
Alistair, I need to talk to you - [purring, growling.]
- No, really, listen - Listen, Alistair - Meow I need to talk to you about something.
- [purring.]
- What are you doing? - [hissing.]
- Are you kidding me? I kind of want to be a cyborg.
Like what if this was my arm? Guns don't exist in the Calwyn universe.
Come on, Becca.
You have to make it fun or people won't come.
You're good at this.
What, you've never fenced? - [Alistair meowing.]
- [Ian.]
OK, Alistair? I need to talk to you.
I really People have been Alistair! I need you to be serious.
So what are you gonna do if those kids are there? Depends.
If Brad starts any crap with me, I might have to fight him.
Like an actual fight? Yeah.
I've fought guys before.
How? Here.
Keep your feet apart like this.
Make your hands like this.
Keep your fists loose There you go.
Now I'm gonna come at you, and you block me.
Wait! OK.
OK.
I'm not really gonna hit you.
OK.
- [Alistair purring.]
- Alistair! - Good.
- [Ian.]
Alistair! How do you like that water, cat?! Oh God, I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
It was really refreshing.
- Dad? - Oh! Just dropping off my shopping list.
I didn't think you'd still be here.
I'm trying to find a story.
For the campfire.
They have campfire websites now? This one's OK.
I don't think it's hilarious, but I'm no Lorraine.
Who's Lorraine? The director here, before they hired me.
- Oh.
- Which was five years ago.
But people still I I guess they just really loved her.
Or something.
Well, people seem to like you as far as I can tell.
I just hope the staff doesn't, You know think of me differently, since Will went missing on my watch.
But you found her.
I got lucky.
I should have seen it coming.
Even if you had if someone's determined to leave - I'm gonna print this out.
- Yeah.
[Will.]
And you can be anything you want - Within one of the nine races.
- Yeah, like you could have plant tentacles, or you could be a zombie - Really? - Not exactly Yeah! You can come back from the dead and try to eat other players' brains! - We're in.
- I'm gonna be Piznaga, eater of galaxies! Good.
I wanted to speak with you - Becca, regarding - Oh, larping? This is actually an area of the camp that we consider off limits.
Oh.
Sorry.
We were only there like five minutes.
See, there were these other kids there, so we left.
- Other kids? - From the other camp.
Anyway, sorry, we won't go back there.
Excuse me.
Right after kickboxing, dress up.
Will, we have to move the larp.
Dr.
Rand just told me we can't do it there.
We have to do it there! That's the whole point! She said it's against the rules.
OK, we can do this.
We just gotta tell everyone to keep it on the DL.
Rand'll never know.
You gotta relax! It's gonna be awesome.
I feel really lucky.
Even when kids at school give me crap, it doesn't, like, bother me.
Cause the stuff they're saying is just true.
I mean, yeah, I'm weird.
You really think that's an insult? I'm excited to lose weight.
I think.
I just can't imagine what it will be like.
If it'll If it'll actually change anything.
It is hard imagining ourselves different.
But we don't have to do it alone.
We have each others' backs here.
[Dorothy.]
The campers are supposed to do this.
Dad.
Not quite ready.
These are the early girls.
You can use these now.
Some Lake Knolls kids were hanging around - by that old tool shed.
- What kind of kids? From the tennis camp.
I don't like anyone hanging out down there That tool shed could collapse at any time.
Just tell 'em to keep their kids off your land.
Yeah.
It's just The guy who runs that camp He's kind of He's I get along with him.
It's not that.
He's married.
Which is neither here nor there.
I mean, it doesn't factor in.
So are you in love with him or something? - I was joking.
- Oh.
It's hard to tell.
Your face stays exactly the same.
I know.
[line ringing.]
[man.]
You've reached Jonathan DeLuca.
Leave a message, I'll return! Jonathan, it's Dorothy.
Rand.
How are you? I hope you are well, I hope you and Heather are So I'm calling because, apparently, some of your kids were hanging out in that little clearing and it's on my I mean, our property.
And I thought you should know.
Because I would want to know if any of my kids were breaking the law.
Which, technically, trespassing is.
I I don't if that matters to you.
I don't know what matters to you.
[woman.]
If you are satisfied with your message, press one.
To erase and re-record If you are satisfied with your message No, not satisfied! [woman.]
Thank you, your message has been sent.
Not Not satisfied.
I think I could rock this look full time.
I agree.
So.
You invite a lot of people? What? Just admit you want to know if Amber will be there.
OK.
- [purring.]
- Ready? Yeah.
Where's Becca? I thought she was with you.
Hey, Becca? Anyone? The guys said they were going to that thing, but I might show up late I have to do my toenails.
They are a tragedy.
[snickering.]
Hey.
You seen Becca? No.
Ooh, quiz.
"Are you assertive enough?" [Chloe.]
Hit me.
"The hottie waiter at your fave restaurant accidentally brings you the wrong meal.
Do you" Oh, Will was just looking for you.
OK.
"A, nicely tell him about the mix-up" B, demand to speak to the manager Or C, just suffer in silence.
"After all, you don't want to bother him.
" [Chloe.]
Um, that's pathetic.
I guess A, because I don't think I'm too aggressive.
But I'm not like a total loser, either.
[both laughing.]
OK, so basically, the object of this game is to kill anyone on another team! So once you're dead, you're out! Unless you become a zombie! So everyone get where you wanna be! [all chattering.]
Game on! [shouting, yelling.]
[Chloe.]
"or C, grit your teeth and try not to let it bother you.
" God, the "C" answers are so sad.
"If you got mostly Cs, you're a Debbie Doormat.
- You have the self-esteem of a wet towel.
" - [Amber giggles.]
Oh, my god! She's gonna shoot us with an arrow.
[both giggling.]
You think you know You told me You think you know But you don't see Just go away, you suck Just go away, you suck [bolt strikes tree.]
Not so quick in the face of my arrow, are you? Ah! Curse you, foul archer! [chuckles.]
You would wound me with a toy? Dude.
It's a gun.
A what? Fool, this nonsense amuses only yourself.
Wait, time out, I thought we could have guns.
You think yourself a god, to rewrite the rules of the universe? I think I might go to that larping thing.
Oh.
OK.
I mean Do you, like, mind if I go, too? Why would I mind? I don't know.
You just seem kind of Look, I can't help it if Trent likes me.
OK, first of all, you don't actually know that he likes you.
And I can't believe you think I'm even still thinking about that.
You should go to the thing.
Great.
I will.
[door opens, shuts.]
[Dorothy.]
Poppy, George! - Can your kids help out with campfire set-up? - Um sure.
I don't know when they'll be done with rehearsal, though.
Rehearsal for what? For um Isn't it sort of a folk dance thing? - It starts with an "L?" - Larping.
- [laughing.]
- I know.
Wild.
- Hi.
- [boy.]
Hey.
Sorry I was trying to find some people and I got totally lost.
I know, right? These woods are like endless! Can I just say That is such a cute top.
Thanks.
I like yours, too.
Hey, do you know who you're with yet for doubles? I don't know.
Try to get in Mike's group.
That's where we're at.
Cool.
So I'm going on and on about how hot he is And he's standing right behind me.
Oh my god, that would so happen to me.
Wait, do you hear that?! Dude.
I bet the butter-trolls are back.
- Ew.
- Yes! [yelling.]
[laughing.]
[purring.]
[grunts.]
[girl.]
That was nothing! I can fight you with one arm! What the crap is this?!? [giggling.]
There's, like, so many of them! Amber! - Do you know that guy? - No.
Hey, why you all dressed up like that? Is it Fat Halloween? AwRader! [laughing.]
Leave this place.
- Ooh - You heaps of dung! Leave this place.
Leave this place! Leave this place! [all chanting.]
Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Banish all evil, thought and deed.
Banish these soulless husks.
Let Nemeton remain pure.
[all chanting.]
Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! Leave this place! - [chuckling.]
- [chanting continues.]
- [howling.]
- [all cheering.]
[rock music playing.]
Becca, that was so badass! Becca! What's going on here?! [whistles.]
Hey! Where's Becca? I will deal with all of you later.
But I want you all at your cabins until campfire.
Now! [Will.]
Wait! Are you mad at me? Just wait, dude.
Talk to me.
It's always what you want! People just act like my feelings don't matter.
- That's not true! - I made up that universe! That was mine.
And you just took it over and changed everything.
I thought you wanted my help! It's not like you were gonna talk to people on your own! I mean, if you were pissed off, you could've told me.
Forget it.
[coughing.]
Hey, Alistair.
Can I talk to you a minute? Yeah.
[George.]
So you're getting really active here.
Which is great.
But it means you have to shower maybe more than you normally would.
OK.
Yeah.
I get it.
And I would say this to any of the guys.
If The other guys don't have this problem.
Sure they do! Guys sweat.
No, I mean with the shower.
I can't be in there with everyone.
There's no privacy.
It's like it doesn't even bother anyone else.
But I Hey.
I got your message.
You look shocked.
Did I age over the winter? It's OK, I spoke to the kids involved, and apparently This is actually kind of funny: It was your kids.
Who were on our property.
What? No.
Yeah.
Apparently your kids actually threatened our kids.
This is not funny to me, Jon.
Hey, nobody's filing charges.
I just thought you should know.
Our kids do not harass people.
- Our kids get harassed.
- Well, not this time.
And I happen to know exactly where all this took place, and it is absolutely our property! And you're absolutely certain about that? Dorothy Why Why did you come here? Why did you call me? Come on, you don't have to play this game This is um our new cook.
Chef.
- Pleased to meet you.
- I'm her father.
Got your campfire story? All clear.
I'm gonna stand out here and make sure no one else comes in.
We can do it like this every time if you want.
Thanks.
Could you please not tell anyone about this? Like anyone? Ever? Promise.
[Dorothy.]
Yeah, I'll meet you over there.
George.
What are you doing? You know your kids are waiting for you at the campfire? Your kids need you.
Do you understand that? I need you.
I need to know that you're committed to this job.
Sorry.
I'll see you down there.
[indistinct chatter.]
So that was weird.
When everyone was, like, chanting? OK, so maybe I was a little jealous.
It doesn't matter.
The truth is I don't like Trent like that.
He's cute, but I don't like feel like I'm gonna die every time I see him.
So you should go for it.
Really? - 'Cause I don't wanna, like - Seriously, it's fine.
I think you'd be cute together.
You're the best.
Oh, my god.
Is my hair good? - Hey.
- Hey.
So, um who were you today? What? In the game.
I was a Wortlan.
It's like a Like a plant creature.
Oh, uh I was myself.
Sort of.
Hey, that was rad today.
When's the next game? Oh.
I don't know.
Let me know.
Thank you! This is great.
Who needs marshmallows when you've got sticks? You were right.
I didn't speak up.
I'm always afraid it's not gonna come out right, or no one will even listen.
I mean, that's what I admire about you.
You always say exactly what you mean.
Not always.
I'm gonna tell Rand it was my fault.
No, it's OK.
It kinda feels good to be in trouble.
Hey, you brought a story! [blows whistle.]
OK, everybody, listen up.
Dr.
Rand has something to share.
This is our first campfire.
We're just getting to know each other, so I wanted to find a way to bring everyone Here Take one and pass it along.
Take one and pass it along.
Now tear them in pieces and pass the pieces around.
OK, does everyone have a flag? Everyone hold up your white flag.
So much of the time, it feels like we're at war.
Every day is a battle we have to win.
But what if we stop fighting? Is it even possible? To stop attacking other people, and ourselves and just surrender? I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
- I surrender.
- I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
I surrender.
[Alistair.]
Oh, and Tam also hibernate for, like, three months out of the year, but that doesn't really matter.
Now, the amulet.
Whoever has the amulet is immortal.
That means you can't die.
In the game.
[laughs.]
But it also gives you the power to restore peace in the land.
That's what I want to do.
So wait, if you're a cat, how come you can talk? OK, let me start over.
There are nine races, OK? And of these nine races, you have your character players and your non-character players.
[Piznarski.]
I'm no longer in the bathroom, Alistair! If you want to be a character player, you can be a character player.
You know, I look great as a cat