I Hate Christmas (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

1
A NETFLIX SERIES
[funky Christmas music playing]
I will stand, I'm standing alone ♪
I didn't sleep with an A level student.
[panting]
I I didn't sleep with an A level student.
[pants, laughs]
Hmm, yes, I did.
I will stand, I will stand ♪
[Gianna] Maybe he failed
ten years in a row, right?
You can fail ten times.
I will stand ♪
I'm standing all alone ♪
I will stand ♪
I'm standing all alone ♪
EVERYTHING IS GIVEN
TO THOSE WHO BRING LIGH
[Gianna] Well, yeah,
I do feel a bit guilty.
But he's so cute!
Can't I simply not care and just be happy
to be with someone so cute?
I will stand, I'm standing ♪
SCHOOL YEAR 2022/2023
I will stand, I'm standing all alone ♪
[Gianna] No, I can't.
15 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
What a cute little plaster! [chuckles]
Tell me you're
You're
Are you over 18?
I mean
- Tell me what happened isn't illegal.
- Yeah.
- I'm begging you.
- I'm over 18.
- Yeah?
- I'm 19.
- [Gianna] Okay.
- [laughs]
Show me your ID.
Hold on. I'll get my mum to confirm it.
She's just upstairs.
- What?
- Mum! Mum!
[laughs]
[Gianna] Are you joking?
[laughing] Yes, well, I'm 19,
but my mum isn't here!
You arsehole!
Just a little bit.
[Gianna] Okay.
So your parents aren't here?
No, no. They're in New York.
They organise weddings in Italy
for Americans. They're away a lot.
Okay. Well, it's getting late now,
so I'll be off.
No, I really have to go.
No, no. I have to go.
I have to go now. Come on.
Really! No, no, no, no! Really
Let me
It's all legal.
[light music playing]
[Gianna] Five!
Five, all in one night?
Yes!
[Caterina] I don't understand. Five what?
[Didi] Come here. Five
[snorts]
Hold on. Excuse me?
I mean, you spent the whole night
with a 19-year-old you just met in a club,
and then you two
- Yes.
- [Lisa] Mama?
Mama, what did Auntie Gianna do?
Uh
She danced! Auntie was dancing. [laughs]
Couldn't Guido
at least have had the children today?
- It's Sunday. He plays five-a-side.
- Oh, five-a-side.
Anyway, five times she danced.
Five times, with a 19-year-old.
That's screwed up, isn't it?
Totally screwed up.
No offence, but maybe those who haven't
ever danced should be quiet, okay?
Well, if that's the problem,
you can do it with me.
Uh, what?
- Dancing, of course.
- Oh!
- [Thomas] I'm rather good.
- [Caterina] Well, yeah, maybe one day!
- [Thomas] You two, come with me.
- Oh!
I'll show you
how to use the coffee machine.
- Thank you, Thomas.
- [Gianna] Bye.
- Bye!
- [Margherita] Off you go, little one.
- Isn't he lovely?
- [Margherita] Yeah.
Yeah.
But does "Lovely" know you want
to get married before dancing?
No, he doesn't.
Because there are lots of things
we don't say.
For example, you, Didi. You never say
you love us, but I think you do.
Margherita never says
how she would like her husband,
Guido, to appreciate her more.
And maybe you're not telling yourself
that you'd like
more than a night of sex with a boy.
Maybe you'd like someone
who makes you feel special.
And I've never made love before
because, well
because I would like
to fall in love with someone first.
Although, at 30, well,
even I'm having doubts about the chances,
um, of that happening. [chuckles]
There are lots of things we don't say
because it's difficult
to be sincere over a drink.
Actually,
it's difficult to be sincere, full stop.
Proseccos all round?
Yes, actually. Right.
Four Proseccos!
[Gianna] Five!
[all laugh]
Right!
She handed me that on a silver platter!
[bell tolls]
It's true though. Maybe Caterina is right.
Dancing isn't enough for me.
I just want a guy
who makes me feel special.
But it's not like you go to work
and, bang, you're special!
No, it doesn't work like that.
[playful Christmas music]
- [woman 1] See if there's a note.
- Who are they for?
[Gianna] What's going on?
- [woman 2] Ooh!
- [Gianna] What is it?
Gianna! But is this really for you?
Oh! [chuckles]
- [scoffs]
- [Gianna] Yes.
[woman 1] "I was too pushy
the other night,
but that is what happens
when I start to really like someone."
"I'm sorry."
"Carlo."
- Oh my gosh. How sweet!
- Please tell me you're going to marry him!
That is a real man.
Yes. No, he's very sweet, but [chuckles]
Maybe one would've been enough.
No?
I know what you're thinking,
that Carlo could be the one.
No.
But being with other people
means that too, doesn't it?
Overcoming
personal
limits.
I said "special", not Hmm.
Carlo is too much.
Or maybe I'm the one who's too much.
[lighthearted music playing]
- A rose?
- Thank you.
- A rose?
- Thank you.
- Good morning. How are you, Livia?
- Good, thank you.
- May I?
- Thank you very much.
- Oh, too kind!
- That's all right. For you.
I didn't know we also did
flower therapy at the hospital.
I got given a ton of roses,
and I thought I'd
give some to the patients.
Doing your job. That would be
a nice gift for the patients.
Yeah.
This is Patrick. Drug dependent.
Infective endocarditis.
Previous therapies haven't worked,
and his damaged valves
have been replaced with artificial ones.
- Take him to room 33.
- Of course. Very well.
Hi, Patrick. This is for you.
Yeah, hi. Fuck you.
Okay. I'm Gianna.
I'm a nurse. Anything you
Listen, I'm freezing.
You don't have something to
Of course. There's a blanket.
No, you can keep
your shitty synthetic blanket.
It just makes me feel worse. [sighs]
Serious heart condition, huh?
You're lucky to be alive.
[upbeat music playing]
Here we are. This is your room.
- If you need some help
- Get off me!
No? You can do it on your own.
[Patrick coughs]
[sighs]
[Patrick] How long do I have to stay here?
Maybe four to six weeks.
[Patrick] Huh?
I know it's quite a long time,
but it depends.
Maybe you can be discharged earlier.
I can also help you leave earlier
if you can cooperate.
Can you?
I think that's a no then.
Patrick?
Patrick!
Sooner or later, you'll be discharged
You've only known me for two minutes.
And you're not even a real doctor!
Hmm. That's exactly what my mother says.
- Patrick!
- [Patrick] I'm not staying here. Get it?
[Gianna] No! No!
[Patrick coughing]
[Patrick sighs]
[inhales sharply]
[exhales, groans]
[sighs]
I don't wanna stay here.
- [Patrick sighs]
- And where would you like to be?
[Patrick groans]
With my friends.
[breathing heavily]
[sighs] With my girlfriend.
[exhales]
Even at home with my bitch of a mother,
watching her favourite movie.
What's her favourite movie?
The one with the guy who dies
and comes back as a ghost.
Oh, yes.
[both chuckle]
Why do you think I have this great name?
- Oh, they named you Patrick after
- Yeah.
- Patrick Swayze. [laughs]
- That's right.
Do you know
why my parents called me Gianna?
After a song. "Gianna" by Rino Gaetano.
- [Patrick] Ah! Hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
So there was also a risk
I could've been called Rina.
Or Gaetana.
[both laugh]
[lighthearted music playing]
Shall we go back to your room?
Yeah.
[Matilde] I don't know
what all this fuss about drugs is about.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I mean, I might have tried them
when I was young, yeah, but [chuckles]
it was all boring and expensive stuff.
A bit like my second husband,
boring and expensive.
[both laugh]
But at least he wasn't addictive.
Quite the opposite.
You really have
experienced it all in life, haven't you?
Hmm, more or less.
But I've never had a toy boy like yours.
- For now!
- That's right. That's right.
[Matilde] Are you going to see him again?
I don't know, because if I did take him
to Christmas dinner at my parents
[laughs]
my mother would still make us
sit at the children's table, so [laughs]
Look, if I had listened to other people,
I wouldn't have done
half the things I did in my lifetime.
And I definitely
wouldn't have done anything that exciting.
Giannina,
you're a lovely young woman.
You deserve a toy boy!
Also, because behind a toy boy,
you could even find a loving boy.
[chuckles]
Seriously?
You're letting a patient
with serious bronchial problems smoke?
Listen, I'm 80 years old.
My lungs need scrapping.
What do you think
one cigarette is going to do?
Come on, matron. Be nice!
We're going straight back inside. Sorry.
There are lots of patients here
who need treating,
and you keep wasting time.
- [Gianna] Enough with the cigarette!
- Oh, come on!
EMERGENCY ROOM
Ah, Gianna.
So are they discharging me today?
I think so.
Good. That way,
I won't waste any more of your time.
It's not always a matter of time.
Well, you're the expert.
Well, you were on the Health Committee.
You should know
something about it, too, right?
I know about political pressure,
not so much about blood pressure.
Yeah.
Is there a problem then?
Well, I think if politicians
don't know anything about medicine,
then they shouldn't be telling us
how to do our job. That's it.
[playful music]
Go on.
What does "wasting time" mean?
I mean, if I'm caring for patients,
am I wasting time?
If I listen to them,
am I not doing my job?
Every patient is different.
And they all need different care.
One might need a smile.
Another might need a flower.
Another might need to smoke a cigarette.
So, for me, wasting time
means loving the patient.
- But then
- [Crisanti] Ah!
I don't feel very loved at the moment.
You're hurting me.
120 over 80.
As far as I'm concerned, you can go.
I think it's the chain, but this
It's this, you see?
Well, thank you anyway.
- Don't worry. I'll sort it out afterwards.
- Hi, sweetie!
- [boy] Hi!
- What are you doing here? Hi!
[sighs] Giacomo has a vaccination,
and I can kiss goodbye to the hairdresser.
- Sorry, couldn't Guido have gone with him?
- He was supposed to, but he forgot.
He doesn't even
look at my hair any more anyway.
Caterina's right.
Find a proper man. Someone sensible
who doesn't forget things.
Do you remember
when I had to get vaccinated?
I was scared of the needles,
and you sang me that song?
Oh, the song from that cartoon!
- A masterpiece!
- [Margherita] Brilliant!
Mummy, can you sing it to me too?
Of course, darling. Let's go.
I'll talk to them.
It'll be quicker that way.
[Margherita] Thanks.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
- [Gianna] Barbara.
Uh, my sister. My nephew has to have
his vaccination. Could you sort it?
- Thank you. Bye.
- [Margherita] Bye, darling. Thank you.
Good morning then.
No.
[Gianna] Whatever!
Would you accept the help of a politician
who knows nothing about medicine?
- Yes, please.
- The chain has come off.
[lighthearted music playing]
[Crisanti exhales]
[rattling]
It might be better
if we try to do it together. It's easier.
Do you want to try then?
I can usually manage.
Come on. Let's try together.
[Gianna] Okay. Let's see
Like this
[both laugh]
[Gianna] Perfect! [laughs]
Well done.
I'm sorry about earlier. I really am.
I was really edgy.
I shouldn't have snapped, not at you.
We can be on
first-name terms now, can't we?
Yes. Well,
thank you.
[Crisanti chuckles]
Anyway, if you want
to tell me off a bit more,
maybe Saturday afternoon on my boat?
You can call me.
[Gianna] Ah.
So this is how
a politician asks a woman out?
Now you want to teach me how to do my job?
- No!
- [laughs]
[phone beeps]
DAD
REMEMBER YOUR SWEATER.
[gentle uplifting music playing]
It's not a crime
to sleep with an A level student.
But it is a crime to dress like shit.
14 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
[upbeat music playing]
See you upstairs?
[dad] Let's see what we have here.
- Ah!
- [Gianna snorts]
- Gianna?
- This isn't
Remember the rule.
Statuettes on the table,
wrapping paper in the fire.
- [dad] Good.
- Hmm.
- You've only be telling me for 30 years.
- Oh yeah?
Well, go and tell it to the washerwoman
over there in the fire.
Still with the washerwoman?
I was six years old.
When you were little, you were convinced
these statuettes had a life of their own.
- Hmm.
- You invented all kinds of love stories.
The young shepherdess and the baker.
The blacksmith and the fishmonger,
although there was
that height problem between them.
- Mm-hmm.
- But the blacksmith had other qualities.
- Oh yeah? [chuckles]
- Mm.
Then one year, I told Margherita about it,
and she made fun of me.
And to show me I was stupid,
she put the statuettes away
in two separate boxes
and sealed them with sellotape
and her signature.
And the year after, you both found them
lying around the attic.
And the box looked like
it was still sealed.
Yes! But
- You did that?
- [laughs]
Well, even parents can create
a little bit of magic!
[Gianna laughs]
Anyway, it would be nice
to live in a Nativity scene.
Always knowing where your place is.
[dad] Listen, honey
Your boyfriend,
the one you're bringing over at Christmas
He doesn't exist, does he?
I'm sorry.
I tried.
It's difficult.
So there won't be anyone else to help you
with the Nativity scene this year either.
Come here.
I have you.
And you have been here for 30 years.
That's enough for me.
Mum will get over it. You'll see.
She might already have forgotten about it.
Hmm?
- I'll go and get the other statuettes.
- Yes.
GIANNA'S BOYFRIEND
It was there on the table.
"Gianna's boyfriend".
What am I gonna do now?
- [Didi] Drink.
- Pray.
[both] Drink.
- Do you need me?
- Yeah.
[exhales]
[all] Up, down, Christmas with a frown!
[Thomas] Well? What's the matter?
My mum's already prepared the place card
for my boyfriend who doesn't exist,
and I don't have
anyone to take to Christmas dinner.
Ah.
- Why don't you take toy boy?
- Stop calling him that. It's offensive.
Your pogo stick?
Margherita's right.
I need to take someone sensible.
And Davide won't
He won't do. But he's so cute.
I think
that you should take the politician.
What? You're dating a congressman?
He's a former senator.
He's my father's age and was married.
- You do know that, don't you?
- So he's a widower?
- Yes.
- [Caterina] Look
You've done well in your job as a nurse,
and Jesus has rewarded you a good man.
They're called "tits", not Jesus.
Well, he's actually invited me to go out
on his boat with him on Saturday.
Oh, nice! Is that a new way of saying,
"Come up to mine, and I'll show you
my butterfly collection?"
No.
Well, yeah.
It's the most discreet hotel in the world.
You can scream as much as you want.
You don't have to show any ID.
Wear a nice trench coat,
and when you get there,
bang! Naked! Beautiful!
- [laughs]
- [Caterina] Honey, don't mind her.
A boat ride will be lovely.
[snaps]
- Maybe it's not that bad an idea.
- Hmm.
A wonderful sailing boat and the sunset,
caviar, lots of champagne flowing.
Champagne.
Champagne!
13 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS
- [Crisanti] Nice, isn't it?
- Very
The horizon [laughs]
- [Crisanti] Why are you laughing?
- No [laughing] Nothing. It's just
You imagined a luxury boat
with caviar and champagne, right?
[Gianna] I'm imagining my friends' faces
when I tell them about this date.
[both laugh]
I had a government car,
but this is enough for me in life.
A little boat, a fishing rod and
and wonderful company.
Is there something wrong?
No, no. Only that I've just realised that
that, actually, I know another man
who is really into lagoon fishing.
Let me just
Another man?
Yes, and he even comes
in the afternoon, actually.
He's more or less your age
Oh yeah? And who is he?
My father.
[drum riff]
[Gianna] Hi.
- Hi!
- [Gianna] Mum, Dad, hi! [laughs nervously]
- Hi!
- [Crisanti] Hello.
This is my my patient
my friend, Dante Crisanti.
Hello. Nice to meet you.
Dante! Is that really you?
- Marta!
- [Marta] Hi!
[Crisanti] I don't believe it!
- It's been so long! Hi!
- [Crisanti] Come here and say hello.
- Oh! [laughs]
- [Marta] Oh!
Oh! Oh no!
[Marta and Crisanti laughing]
[Marta] We met in Venice.
We studied at the same university.
[Crisanti] Yeah, well, we studied.
Let's just say
that studying wasn't the first thing
on our minds. [chuckles]
So you went to the same classes?
Yeah, sort of,
when there were no parties. Hmm?
[Marta laughs]
Do you remember that freshers' party
where we danced until ten in the morning?
[both laugh]
[laughs sarcastically]
[Crisanti] Then, an hour later,
we had an exam!
[laughing] No!
[laughing] Yes, yes. But what about when
we got stuck in the lagoon with the canoe?
Oh my God!
- Hold on. Hold on. The canoe?
- Yes! We used to go rowing.
- You?
- Yes, and she was much better than me.
- You used to row, Mum?
- Yes.
You hate going out on the boat.
Today was the first time
I've seen you out on the boat.
Well, yes, but, honey, things change.
Your father asked me, and I
I went. I'm trying.
Yeah. Yeah.
[Crisanti] It's a bit cold.
WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU FREE?
Why don't we all go out
to dinner this evening?
I was thinking the same thing!
Come on!
- Why not? [laughs]
- Let's do it!
YES I'M AT HOME WHY?
Um, I have to go to the hospital.
Emergency! Nurses Always ready! [laughs]
- I can't
- Oh. Do you want me to take you?
No, no, no. But could you
lend me your boat?
- Do you know how to drive it?
- [Gianna] Of course I know how!
My father taught me.
[chuckles]
All right.
He's not sensible,
he doesn't make me feel special,
but at least he hasn't dated my mother!
Balls hanging low
While I pop a bottle off a yacht ♪
Chain swinging, clang, clang
And it cost a lot ♪
Bitch, I'm always after guala, yeah
And you're not ♪
Badass B keep on goin'
Till you hit the spot, whoa ♪
I'm a big bag hunter with the bow ♪
Mama called me
And she happy with the grow ♪
Never ever fall for daddy, that's a no ♪
- [Gianna] Hi.
- Hi.
Are you alone?
Uh, yeah.
All night long?
Yeah. Why?
Yeah, I don't really ever wanna
talk, talk, talk, talk ♪
Only really ever wanna
Top, top, top, top ♪
Guess I'm going back
to the start, start, start ♪
Least this money never dropped low ♪
Mama called me
And she happy with the grow ♪
Never ever fall for daddy, that's a no ♪
[alarm beeping]
[stops]
Where are you going?
It's very early.
To make some bread.
- To buy some?
- No.
To make some bread.
I want to do it myself.
Is that something you often do?
No.
[inhales]
But you're special.
[exhales]
[kisses]
[upbeat music playing]
Did you hear that?
He said it. Hmm? He said I'm special.
I'm special.
I'm special.
I'm special. I'm special.
He said I'm special!
[singsong] Special!
I'm special.
I'm special. He said it.
I'm special. I'm special.
You heard it. I heard it. He said it.
I will stand, I will stand ♪
I will stand, I will stand ♪
BASED ON HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
I will stand, I'm standing all alone ♪
I will stand, I'm standing all alone ♪
I got, I got my style ♪
I got, I got my style ♪
And it's all right ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style ♪
And it's all right ♪
And it's all right ♪
I got my style ♪
I got my style, my style ♪