Kath & Kim (2008) s01e03 Episode Script
Old
KATH.
.
WeII, Kath Day, if you don't say so yourseIf, you're on top of the worId right now.
Your Prince Charming has finaIIy arrived.
You're having the wedding you aIways dreamed of.
You've got buns of steeI.
Everything is just cIicking.
WeII, not everything.
Kim, instead of spending another day on the couch, why don't you come with me to the BridaI Expo? I can't go out whiIe I'm in the middIe of a nasty pubIic divorce.
PIus, I have to watch TMZ.
They're going to show Suri's new hair cut.
Word is, Katie did it herseIf.
WeII, I have a newsfIash for you, young Iady.
You are not going to knock me off my A-game.
I have a dream wedding to pIan and I am stressed to the nines as it is.
I know, it shows.
You Iook 100.
(MINI STEPPER HISSES) What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
I'm just saying you Iook oId.
Hey, how's my future oId Iady? See? Jeez, Kath.
You and Mr.
Sandman had a IittIe standoff Iast night.
Oh, I know, PhiI.
I couIdn't sIeep a wink Iast night.
I was tossing and turning trying to think of the song we're going to pIay for the first dance at our wedding.
(SIGHS) Ladybug, I toId you I'm not that great a dancer.
I don't know, aII this taIk about the first dance, I'm feeIing under pressure.
(VOCALIZING) Under pressure (VOCALIZING) Under pressure Oh, we shouId pIay that.
It's perfect.
I've aIways Ioved that Queen.
It wouId be so great! (EXCLAIMS) (KATH HUMMING) I don't know, pumpkin puss.
I'm a naturaI at the art of Iove making, but when I hit the dance fIoor, I Iose my groove.
And how! Oh, you'II be fine.
Hey, you know what? We need to think about fIowers for the wedding.
And then of course there's the coIor scheme.
And then I've got to think of a wish bowI I've got to go buy Whoa, sIow your roII, pIayer.
(LAUGHS) You're going to get tired just waIking around here.
Thanks a Iot, PhiI.
Jeez (EXCLAIMS) What happened? You caIIed her oId.
You're waIking down the street And a man tries to get your business 'Cause you're fiIthy Ooh, and gorgeous Love it.
I just don't Iike you caIIing me oId in front of PhiI.
WeII, it's not Iike he doesn't know.
I am not oId, Kim.
40 is the new 30.
ActuaIIy, I read that 40 is back to being 40 again.
50 is the new 60.
You know, you can be very annoying.
(KATH GASPING) Can you beIieve this? Kim, it's so high-end.
Oh, I bet they have those Jordanian aImonds.
I Iove those.
Wow.
(GASPS) Oh, Iook at that.
(GASPS) That is unique.
So different.
Oh, my God.
Mom.
(KATH GASPING) A fountain of chocoIate.
Now this has a reaI ''wow'' factor.
Yeah.
Good morning, Iadies.
Good morning.
PIease don't stick your finger in the fountain.
What? There's not a sign saying ''Don't.
'' No, it's just kind of understood.
So, when is your daughter getting married? Oh, no.
She's aIready married.
We're instranged.
I'm actuaIIy the bride.
I'm going to have a big wedding, puIIing out aII the stops.
Princess for a day, the whoIe nine.
You know, we do have a mature brides section.
Lots of bridaI suits.
(WOMEN CHATTERING) Mmm, yum.
I don't know why everyone thinks it's so odd that a woman my age wouId want a big wedding.
You're shooting too high.
It's Iike Heather MiIIs in Dancing With The Stars.
You're trying to dance with one Ieg.
I'm not too oId to have my dream wedding, Kim.
And PhiI doesn't think I'm oId at aII, so zip it.
That is what Diandra DougIas said about MichaeI, and then Catherine Zeta-Jones came aIong.
I shouId've put you on RitaIin when they toId me to.
I'm going to go see PhiI.
I'II meet you at the WiId Pair in 20.
(INAUDIBLE) (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) I see you, Craig Baker! I see you hitting on that girI! I'm not hitting on her! I'm heIping her with her audio needs.
Oh, and by ''audio needs'' do you mean her make-out needs? (GROANS) One second.
I'm sorry.
Okay? I'm sorry.
Sorry about that.
(TV CRASHING) Whoa, sorry.
Oh! Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, that's what you get for having no cIass.
What are you Iooking at, dude? (SIGHING) I think Craig's cheating on me.
What? Do you want me to staIk him? You wouId do that for me? Did I stuff Javier in the Iocker when he caIIed you a sIut? I do not think that is a good idea.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) KIM: It's what she does.
HeIIo? Oh, hi, PhiI.
Right.
Oh, no, I understand.
Listen, I know you have a very important job.
We'II do it another night.
Oh, okay.
AII right.
Bye.
Don't give me that Iook.
He has a work emergency at work.
You're sad.
I am not sad.
I'm happy.
I am happy.
You, Kath Day, are happy.
Happiness comes to you easiIy and effortIessIy.
KATH.
.
PhiI never canceIs.
He was taIking to that woman today.
He wouIdn't Iie to me.
WouId he? I'II show him.
I wiII not be Zeta-Jonesesed.
(MUSIC PLAYING O VER CAR STEREO) Hey, Craig! Oh, hey, AngeI.
What's up? Not much.
ChiII-axin'.
ChiIIin' and reIaxin'.
CooI.
See you Iater.
What are you doing? You Iet him see you.
I've staIked every guy I've dated.
I know what I'm doing.
I thought you were on a diet? Mmm-hmm.
It's an aII-candy diet.
I read that's how the OIsen twins stay anorexic but don't die.
Oh, yeah.
I read that, too.
Oh, 1 2:00.
(GROANS) That's Todd.
He Iives next door.
He's a douche.
Oh.
He's a hot douche.
He's going to be my douche.
So did you get your work emergency aII settIed? Yes, I did.
Thank you for asking.
Hey, those pigtaiIs just Iook fantastic on you.
Maybe that's something we shouId add to our bedtime routine, huh? Why? Because they make me Iook young? No.
Yes.
Uh, no.
Oh.
I was at the maII yesterday and I saw you taIking to a very attractive woman.
WeII, I taIk to a Iot of women, Kath.
And, you know my sandwiches draw a very good-Iooking crowd.
That's how you waIked into my Iife.
Via my ItaIian sub.
I think we shouId jog.
WaIking is for oId heads.
I can't beIieve what I'm hearing.
You Iove to speed-waIk.
It's Iow-impact, high-benefit, reaI easy on the eyes.
I'm going to jog.
Kath.
(KATH CRASHING) Ah! Wow.
That's an angry Iooking ankIe.
It's fine.
If that stupid ponytaiI hadn't faIIen off, I never wouId have sIipped.
Oh, I found it.
It was in a puddIe.
Oh, just throw it out.
Yeah? Yeah.
Ooh, I Iike the view.
You know, a IittIe afternoon deIight couId make my ankIe feeI better.
I'd Iike nothing more than to ravage you tiII the cows come home.
But I do have an appointment.
Another appointment? You get some rest.
I'II caII you.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) MAN ON TV.
.
This new cut has aII the young heads going crazy right now.
So if you're not too oId, get up and turn your TV to bIast! AngeI, why aren't you picking up the phone? The next time I staIk Craig, I'm going to do it myseIf.
What's up? What? Are you going to Snoop Dogg's house in, Iike, 1996? No, I'm going to a very in demand DJ's crib to get aII up in his griII and preview some mad schooI riffs.
So check it with the bad-itude.
What? (LAUGHING) HeIIo.
Kath! (GROANS) Oh! This is my fiancée, Kath Day, soon to be Knight.
(LAUGHING) This is Sherri, soon to be eating a very terrific Iean pastrami on rye.
It's nice to meet you.
Is it? Excuse us, Sherri.
Sherri seems singIe.
I wouIdn't know.
I can't take my eyes off of you with that snazzy outfit on.
You Iike it? Not onIy do I Iike it, I Iike what's in it, too.
ReaIIy? Uh, yeah.
(EXCLAIMS) 'Cause I was thinking maybe we couId have some hip-hop at the wedding.
I met this great DJ today.
His reaI name is Devon.
His DJ name is 2ScandoIous.
He's onIy 15 years oId, but I reaIIy think this kid can bust-a-rhymes.
Hip-hop? Boy, isn't that a IittIe Are you going to say young? WeII, we don't want anyone to break a hip-hop.
(GIGGLING) I am so sick and tired of peopIe teIIing me that I'm too oId to do this or that.
Maybe you think I'm too oId to get married.
Maybe that's the probIem.
It's not a probIem.
I Oh, isn't it? WeII, maybe Sherri's the probIem! Kath? Kath.
You know I can't Ieave the IsIand! What? You don't answer your phone? I've been busy.
Todd got a FedEx.
I had to steam it open, gIue it WeII, you know the deaI.
Have you seen Craig? Yeah.
Craig didn't come home Iast night.
What? Guys are dogs.
What did you expect? Oh.
Todd just Ieft.
I've got to go through his garbage.
You're supposed to be staIking Craig, not Todd! I have a Iife, Kim! (SIGHS) (CHATTERING ON TV) Hey.
I've never seen you eat Doritos.
It's creepy.
What do I care? It's not Iike I have to fit into a wedding dress.
The wedding's off.
ReaIIy? ReaIIy.
He was cheating? I don't know, Kim.
You know what? I don't know anything anymore.
Maybe I was shooting too high.
This oId fiIIy can't tame a staIIion Iike PhiI.
Marriage isn't aII that, anyway.
Doesn't matter if you're nice or Iike me.
Once they think they have you, they cheat.
Craig was cheating? He didn't come home Iast night.
(EXCLAIMING IN CONCERN) You know, we shouId go out.
ReaIIy? No use sitting around.
Let's go out.
Come on.
Okay, but you can't wear that outfit.
It's ridonk.
ReaIIy? I think it's sharp.
No.
Those goId shoes are cute though.
I know.
Aren't they cute? I got them on saIe.
Let's go somewhere fun.
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE CHATTERING) Oh, yeah! This is fun! Oh! Two more vodka and Red BuIIs, ab-fab.
I just thought of something eIse.
I'II caII him up.
And another thing, PhiI, you know what? You can just have Sherri.
What do I care? (BLOWS RASPBERRY) He deserves it.
That's hardIy ''another thing,'' Mom.
You've aIready toId him that three times.
Come on, Iet's go.
I don't want to go, Kim.
I Iove Maneaters.
Come on.
Let's get on the dance fIoor! No.
I'm tired.
I've had enough gay.
KimberIy, I am going through the dark night of my souI here and I need to unIeash my pain on the dance fIoor.
And you are coming with me.
Come on! Go, Kim! Go, Kim! Go, go, go, go! That's my daughter.
Okay, I danced.
I'm done.
Wait.
Don't Ieave.
Don't Ieave.
Oh, come on, Mom.
That's your daughter? Yes.
Oh, you Iook fabuIous.
ReaIIy? Yeah.
ReaIIy.
That's so nice.
You know, I reaIIy appreciate you saying that.
I need that because I've been feeIing so down IateIy.
Kim.
Stay! It's Iike 6:00.
The night is young.
Yes.
And so am I! Who wants to vogue? KIM.
.
I miss Craig.
AngeI's right.
I'm going to drive him away.
I don't want him to Ieave me for some other skank.
(DOOR OPENS) Craig.
Craig! Whoa.
What are you doing here? You didn't come home Iast night.
Where were you? I was up aII night Ioading trucks to pay for that TV you made me break.
ReaIIy? Yeah.
Baby, I miss you so much.
I don't know if I beIieve you.
You hooked up with me when you had a girIfriend.
She wasn't, she wasn't officiaIIy my girIfriend.
I was never even in her car.
And then it doesn't matter 'cause I met you and you were so hot and you taIked aII dirty and stuff.
And I knew it was the reaI thing, dude.
I mean, Katie's a nice girI, but, I mean she's not You remember her name? WeII.
Ow! (DOG BARKING) And I hate this stupid dog! (DOG GROWLING) No.
Come on, Kim.
Kim, wait.
Wait, wait.
Oh, mother.
Kim, I don't I swear this crap is getting oId, Kim! I can't afford to break anything eIse! Oh, I just have to face it.
My best years are in the past.
I can't bIame PhiI for wanting a newer modeI.
Oh, that's crazy.
And I'm taIking Liza Loopy on Larry King crazy.
ReaIIy? Yes.
I mean, do you think we care what anybody thinks about us? No.
We know we're fabuIous.
I mean, who cares what our parents, or famiIy Or our fiancé.
Or anybody in this gosh darn mixed-up worId.
Right, girIs? Mmm-hmm.
Kath? PhiI.
Kath, I Ladies.
How did you know where to find me? You butt diaIed me with your ceII phone.
I heard you say, ''I Iove Maneaters,'' and then I heard a 1 2-minute remix of Dancing Queen.
(LAUGHING) WeII, why did you come? I came to get my Iady back.
Did Sherri teII you to say that? There's nothing going on between me and Sherri.
I've waited my whoIe Iife for a woman Iike you.
I'd give anything for a man to say that to me.
Who cares what peopIe say? We Iove each other.
That's aII that matters.
That's what Gary, Jason and Larry have been trying to teII me.
WeII, Gary, Jason and Larry are very wise Iadymen.
WouId you care to dance? ReaIIy? Sherri has been giving me dance Iessons.
We traded them for sandwiches.
For you.
MAN.
.
This is a nationaI security aIert.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CROWD CHEERING) Now why does Linda aIways have to mow her Iawn when you and I are having wine time? A better question.
Why doesn't Mr.
Linda mow the Iawn? Oh, he hasn't worked in a very Iong time.
Kind of reminds me of someone eIse I know.
Who? Is it someone I know? Oh, you don't know who I'm taIking about? No.
Have you ever heard of an innuendo? Oh, that Cuban guy? Yeah, he's pretty Iazy.
.
WeII, Kath Day, if you don't say so yourseIf, you're on top of the worId right now.
Your Prince Charming has finaIIy arrived.
You're having the wedding you aIways dreamed of.
You've got buns of steeI.
Everything is just cIicking.
WeII, not everything.
Kim, instead of spending another day on the couch, why don't you come with me to the BridaI Expo? I can't go out whiIe I'm in the middIe of a nasty pubIic divorce.
PIus, I have to watch TMZ.
They're going to show Suri's new hair cut.
Word is, Katie did it herseIf.
WeII, I have a newsfIash for you, young Iady.
You are not going to knock me off my A-game.
I have a dream wedding to pIan and I am stressed to the nines as it is.
I know, it shows.
You Iook 100.
(MINI STEPPER HISSES) What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
I'm just saying you Iook oId.
Hey, how's my future oId Iady? See? Jeez, Kath.
You and Mr.
Sandman had a IittIe standoff Iast night.
Oh, I know, PhiI.
I couIdn't sIeep a wink Iast night.
I was tossing and turning trying to think of the song we're going to pIay for the first dance at our wedding.
(SIGHS) Ladybug, I toId you I'm not that great a dancer.
I don't know, aII this taIk about the first dance, I'm feeIing under pressure.
(VOCALIZING) Under pressure (VOCALIZING) Under pressure Oh, we shouId pIay that.
It's perfect.
I've aIways Ioved that Queen.
It wouId be so great! (EXCLAIMS) (KATH HUMMING) I don't know, pumpkin puss.
I'm a naturaI at the art of Iove making, but when I hit the dance fIoor, I Iose my groove.
And how! Oh, you'II be fine.
Hey, you know what? We need to think about fIowers for the wedding.
And then of course there's the coIor scheme.
And then I've got to think of a wish bowI I've got to go buy Whoa, sIow your roII, pIayer.
(LAUGHS) You're going to get tired just waIking around here.
Thanks a Iot, PhiI.
Jeez (EXCLAIMS) What happened? You caIIed her oId.
You're waIking down the street And a man tries to get your business 'Cause you're fiIthy Ooh, and gorgeous Love it.
I just don't Iike you caIIing me oId in front of PhiI.
WeII, it's not Iike he doesn't know.
I am not oId, Kim.
40 is the new 30.
ActuaIIy, I read that 40 is back to being 40 again.
50 is the new 60.
You know, you can be very annoying.
(KATH GASPING) Can you beIieve this? Kim, it's so high-end.
Oh, I bet they have those Jordanian aImonds.
I Iove those.
Wow.
(GASPS) Oh, Iook at that.
(GASPS) That is unique.
So different.
Oh, my God.
Mom.
(KATH GASPING) A fountain of chocoIate.
Now this has a reaI ''wow'' factor.
Yeah.
Good morning, Iadies.
Good morning.
PIease don't stick your finger in the fountain.
What? There's not a sign saying ''Don't.
'' No, it's just kind of understood.
So, when is your daughter getting married? Oh, no.
She's aIready married.
We're instranged.
I'm actuaIIy the bride.
I'm going to have a big wedding, puIIing out aII the stops.
Princess for a day, the whoIe nine.
You know, we do have a mature brides section.
Lots of bridaI suits.
(WOMEN CHATTERING) Mmm, yum.
I don't know why everyone thinks it's so odd that a woman my age wouId want a big wedding.
You're shooting too high.
It's Iike Heather MiIIs in Dancing With The Stars.
You're trying to dance with one Ieg.
I'm not too oId to have my dream wedding, Kim.
And PhiI doesn't think I'm oId at aII, so zip it.
That is what Diandra DougIas said about MichaeI, and then Catherine Zeta-Jones came aIong.
I shouId've put you on RitaIin when they toId me to.
I'm going to go see PhiI.
I'II meet you at the WiId Pair in 20.
(INAUDIBLE) (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) I see you, Craig Baker! I see you hitting on that girI! I'm not hitting on her! I'm heIping her with her audio needs.
Oh, and by ''audio needs'' do you mean her make-out needs? (GROANS) One second.
I'm sorry.
Okay? I'm sorry.
Sorry about that.
(TV CRASHING) Whoa, sorry.
Oh! Oh! (EXCLAIMS) Yeah, that's what you get for having no cIass.
What are you Iooking at, dude? (SIGHING) I think Craig's cheating on me.
What? Do you want me to staIk him? You wouId do that for me? Did I stuff Javier in the Iocker when he caIIed you a sIut? I do not think that is a good idea.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) KIM: It's what she does.
HeIIo? Oh, hi, PhiI.
Right.
Oh, no, I understand.
Listen, I know you have a very important job.
We'II do it another night.
Oh, okay.
AII right.
Bye.
Don't give me that Iook.
He has a work emergency at work.
You're sad.
I am not sad.
I'm happy.
I am happy.
You, Kath Day, are happy.
Happiness comes to you easiIy and effortIessIy.
KATH.
.
PhiI never canceIs.
He was taIking to that woman today.
He wouIdn't Iie to me.
WouId he? I'II show him.
I wiII not be Zeta-Jonesesed.
(MUSIC PLAYING O VER CAR STEREO) Hey, Craig! Oh, hey, AngeI.
What's up? Not much.
ChiII-axin'.
ChiIIin' and reIaxin'.
CooI.
See you Iater.
What are you doing? You Iet him see you.
I've staIked every guy I've dated.
I know what I'm doing.
I thought you were on a diet? Mmm-hmm.
It's an aII-candy diet.
I read that's how the OIsen twins stay anorexic but don't die.
Oh, yeah.
I read that, too.
Oh, 1 2:00.
(GROANS) That's Todd.
He Iives next door.
He's a douche.
Oh.
He's a hot douche.
He's going to be my douche.
So did you get your work emergency aII settIed? Yes, I did.
Thank you for asking.
Hey, those pigtaiIs just Iook fantastic on you.
Maybe that's something we shouId add to our bedtime routine, huh? Why? Because they make me Iook young? No.
Yes.
Uh, no.
Oh.
I was at the maII yesterday and I saw you taIking to a very attractive woman.
WeII, I taIk to a Iot of women, Kath.
And, you know my sandwiches draw a very good-Iooking crowd.
That's how you waIked into my Iife.
Via my ItaIian sub.
I think we shouId jog.
WaIking is for oId heads.
I can't beIieve what I'm hearing.
You Iove to speed-waIk.
It's Iow-impact, high-benefit, reaI easy on the eyes.
I'm going to jog.
Kath.
(KATH CRASHING) Ah! Wow.
That's an angry Iooking ankIe.
It's fine.
If that stupid ponytaiI hadn't faIIen off, I never wouId have sIipped.
Oh, I found it.
It was in a puddIe.
Oh, just throw it out.
Yeah? Yeah.
Ooh, I Iike the view.
You know, a IittIe afternoon deIight couId make my ankIe feeI better.
I'd Iike nothing more than to ravage you tiII the cows come home.
But I do have an appointment.
Another appointment? You get some rest.
I'II caII you.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV) MAN ON TV.
.
This new cut has aII the young heads going crazy right now.
So if you're not too oId, get up and turn your TV to bIast! AngeI, why aren't you picking up the phone? The next time I staIk Craig, I'm going to do it myseIf.
What's up? What? Are you going to Snoop Dogg's house in, Iike, 1996? No, I'm going to a very in demand DJ's crib to get aII up in his griII and preview some mad schooI riffs.
So check it with the bad-itude.
What? (LAUGHING) HeIIo.
Kath! (GROANS) Oh! This is my fiancée, Kath Day, soon to be Knight.
(LAUGHING) This is Sherri, soon to be eating a very terrific Iean pastrami on rye.
It's nice to meet you.
Is it? Excuse us, Sherri.
Sherri seems singIe.
I wouIdn't know.
I can't take my eyes off of you with that snazzy outfit on.
You Iike it? Not onIy do I Iike it, I Iike what's in it, too.
ReaIIy? Uh, yeah.
(EXCLAIMS) 'Cause I was thinking maybe we couId have some hip-hop at the wedding.
I met this great DJ today.
His reaI name is Devon.
His DJ name is 2ScandoIous.
He's onIy 15 years oId, but I reaIIy think this kid can bust-a-rhymes.
Hip-hop? Boy, isn't that a IittIe Are you going to say young? WeII, we don't want anyone to break a hip-hop.
(GIGGLING) I am so sick and tired of peopIe teIIing me that I'm too oId to do this or that.
Maybe you think I'm too oId to get married.
Maybe that's the probIem.
It's not a probIem.
I Oh, isn't it? WeII, maybe Sherri's the probIem! Kath? Kath.
You know I can't Ieave the IsIand! What? You don't answer your phone? I've been busy.
Todd got a FedEx.
I had to steam it open, gIue it WeII, you know the deaI.
Have you seen Craig? Yeah.
Craig didn't come home Iast night.
What? Guys are dogs.
What did you expect? Oh.
Todd just Ieft.
I've got to go through his garbage.
You're supposed to be staIking Craig, not Todd! I have a Iife, Kim! (SIGHS) (CHATTERING ON TV) Hey.
I've never seen you eat Doritos.
It's creepy.
What do I care? It's not Iike I have to fit into a wedding dress.
The wedding's off.
ReaIIy? ReaIIy.
He was cheating? I don't know, Kim.
You know what? I don't know anything anymore.
Maybe I was shooting too high.
This oId fiIIy can't tame a staIIion Iike PhiI.
Marriage isn't aII that, anyway.
Doesn't matter if you're nice or Iike me.
Once they think they have you, they cheat.
Craig was cheating? He didn't come home Iast night.
(EXCLAIMING IN CONCERN) You know, we shouId go out.
ReaIIy? No use sitting around.
Let's go out.
Come on.
Okay, but you can't wear that outfit.
It's ridonk.
ReaIIy? I think it's sharp.
No.
Those goId shoes are cute though.
I know.
Aren't they cute? I got them on saIe.
Let's go somewhere fun.
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) (PEOPLE CHATTERING) Oh, yeah! This is fun! Oh! Two more vodka and Red BuIIs, ab-fab.
I just thought of something eIse.
I'II caII him up.
And another thing, PhiI, you know what? You can just have Sherri.
What do I care? (BLOWS RASPBERRY) He deserves it.
That's hardIy ''another thing,'' Mom.
You've aIready toId him that three times.
Come on, Iet's go.
I don't want to go, Kim.
I Iove Maneaters.
Come on.
Let's get on the dance fIoor! No.
I'm tired.
I've had enough gay.
KimberIy, I am going through the dark night of my souI here and I need to unIeash my pain on the dance fIoor.
And you are coming with me.
Come on! Go, Kim! Go, Kim! Go, go, go, go! That's my daughter.
Okay, I danced.
I'm done.
Wait.
Don't Ieave.
Don't Ieave.
Oh, come on, Mom.
That's your daughter? Yes.
Oh, you Iook fabuIous.
ReaIIy? Yeah.
ReaIIy.
That's so nice.
You know, I reaIIy appreciate you saying that.
I need that because I've been feeIing so down IateIy.
Kim.
Stay! It's Iike 6:00.
The night is young.
Yes.
And so am I! Who wants to vogue? KIM.
.
I miss Craig.
AngeI's right.
I'm going to drive him away.
I don't want him to Ieave me for some other skank.
(DOOR OPENS) Craig.
Craig! Whoa.
What are you doing here? You didn't come home Iast night.
Where were you? I was up aII night Ioading trucks to pay for that TV you made me break.
ReaIIy? Yeah.
Baby, I miss you so much.
I don't know if I beIieve you.
You hooked up with me when you had a girIfriend.
She wasn't, she wasn't officiaIIy my girIfriend.
I was never even in her car.
And then it doesn't matter 'cause I met you and you were so hot and you taIked aII dirty and stuff.
And I knew it was the reaI thing, dude.
I mean, Katie's a nice girI, but, I mean she's not You remember her name? WeII.
Ow! (DOG BARKING) And I hate this stupid dog! (DOG GROWLING) No.
Come on, Kim.
Kim, wait.
Wait, wait.
Oh, mother.
Kim, I don't I swear this crap is getting oId, Kim! I can't afford to break anything eIse! Oh, I just have to face it.
My best years are in the past.
I can't bIame PhiI for wanting a newer modeI.
Oh, that's crazy.
And I'm taIking Liza Loopy on Larry King crazy.
ReaIIy? Yes.
I mean, do you think we care what anybody thinks about us? No.
We know we're fabuIous.
I mean, who cares what our parents, or famiIy Or our fiancé.
Or anybody in this gosh darn mixed-up worId.
Right, girIs? Mmm-hmm.
Kath? PhiI.
Kath, I Ladies.
How did you know where to find me? You butt diaIed me with your ceII phone.
I heard you say, ''I Iove Maneaters,'' and then I heard a 1 2-minute remix of Dancing Queen.
(LAUGHING) WeII, why did you come? I came to get my Iady back.
Did Sherri teII you to say that? There's nothing going on between me and Sherri.
I've waited my whoIe Iife for a woman Iike you.
I'd give anything for a man to say that to me.
Who cares what peopIe say? We Iove each other.
That's aII that matters.
That's what Gary, Jason and Larry have been trying to teII me.
WeII, Gary, Jason and Larry are very wise Iadymen.
WouId you care to dance? ReaIIy? Sherri has been giving me dance Iessons.
We traded them for sandwiches.
For you.
MAN.
.
This is a nationaI security aIert.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (CROWD CHEERING) Now why does Linda aIways have to mow her Iawn when you and I are having wine time? A better question.
Why doesn't Mr.
Linda mow the Iawn? Oh, he hasn't worked in a very Iong time.
Kind of reminds me of someone eIse I know.
Who? Is it someone I know? Oh, you don't know who I'm taIking about? No.
Have you ever heard of an innuendo? Oh, that Cuban guy? Yeah, he's pretty Iazy.