Keeping Up Appearances s01e03 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) OF COURSE I OUGHT TO VISIT DADDY.
OH REALLY? IT'S MY DUTY TO VISIT DADDY.
I SUPPOSE IT IS.
AND HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN ME SHIRK MY DUTY? NOT A SINGLE SHIRK.
LIFE IS FULL OF RESPONSIBILITIES.
IT'S NOT THAT I MIND VISITING DADDY, OF COURSE NOT.
IT'S JUS THAT HE'S SURROUNDED BY SUCH IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE.
WELL, THEY'RE YOUR FAMILY, HYACINTH.
THERE ARE BLACK SHEEP IN THE BES REGULATED FAMILIES.
GETTING READY FOR INSPECTION, RICHARD? HELLO, LIZ.
YES.
HYACINTH FANCIES A RUN IN THE COUNTRY.
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D LIKE TO MAKE UP A THREESOME.
NO! THANK YOU, BUT I'M GOING TO BE VERY BUSY.
VERY KIND OF YOU TO ASK.
- GOOD MORNING, ELIZABETH.
- MORNING, HYACINTH.
HOW RELAXED AND CASUAL YOU LOOK.
PERHAPS I OUGHT TO BE GARDENING, TOO, BUT RICHARD INSISTS ON TAKING ME ON AN OUTING SOMEWHERE IN THE COUNTRY, SOMEWHERE EDUCATIONAL, NATURALLY-- SOAK UP A LITTLE CULTURE.
I FEEL I OWE IT TO SHERIDAN.
- WELL, HAVE A NICE TIME.
- THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM, IF YOU'D CARE TO-- NO! THANK YOU.
I THINK I BETTER WAIT HERE IN CASE MY HUSBAND TELEPHONES.
IT'S NICE WHEN THEY TELEPHONE, ISN'T IT? RICHARD ALWAYS TELEPHONES ME WHEN HE'S AWAY AND SHERIDAN RINGS ME CONTINUALLY.
WHEN WAS I AWAY? HAVE I EVER BEEN AWAY? I DON'T REMEMBER THE PRECISE OCCASION, DEAR.
BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT YOU TELEPHONED.
FUNNY.
IF YOU'D HAVE ASKED ME, I'D HAVE SWORN I'D NEVER BEEN AWAY.
NEVER BEEN AWAY.
VERY NICE, RICHARD.
OUR REGARDS TO YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE RINGS FROM THE FAR EAST.
TELL HIM WE OFTEN ASK AFTER HIM.
I WILL, HYACINTH.
THANK YOU.
THINGS LIKE "WHY DOESN'T HE COME HOME MORE?" IS THEIR MARRIAGE HAPPY DO YOU THINK? GOOD LORD YES, HE LIVES ABROAD MOST OF THE TIME.
WHY DOESN'T HE COME HOME MORE OFTEN? I DON'T SUPPOSE HIS FIRM ALLOWS HIM.
IT COSTS MONEY.
WHEN HE DOES COME HOME, I DO HOPE HE WON'T BE RIDDLED WITH TROPICAL AILMENTS.
FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS WE'LL HAVE TO BE VERY AWARE WHICH GLASS HE DRINKS FROM AT MY CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS.
( engine starts ) DRIVE VERY SLOWLY PAST NUMBER 23, I WANT HER TO SEE MY HAT.
Richard: NOW, WE CAN GO THE LANGLEY WAY OR THROUGH RIDLEY.
WHICH WAY WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO? I WISH YOU WOULDN' LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME, RICHARD.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE THE "B" ROAD AND WE'LL GO THE LANGLEY WAY.
I'D MUCH RATHER WE WENT THE RIDLEY WAY.
I LIKE THE RIDLEY WAY.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK WE'LL GO THE RIDLEY WAY.
I'LL TURN ROUND IN THE GARAGE.
( bell rings ) YOU KNOW, I REALLY OUGH TO VISIT DADDY FIRST.
TURN LEFT FOR DADDY.
ON REFLECTION, I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER TO SEE DADDY ON THE WAY BACK.
TURNING ROUND.
( bell rings ) NO, MY CONSCIENCE IS PRICKING ME.
I MUST PU DADDY FIRST.
LEFT AGAIN.
ON SECOND THOUGHTS, I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER TO GO TO CARLDON HALL FIRST, BEFORE IT BECOMES TOO CROWDED.
SECOND THOUGHTS.
( bell rings ) ANYWAY, I NEED TIME TO PREPARE FOR ONSLOW.
I CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF ONSLOW LOUNGING ABOUT DRINKING BEER IN HIS UNDERSHIRT.
WATCH THE CYCLIST.
I'M WATCHING THE CYCLIST, HYACINTH.
MY EYES ARE RIVETED TO THE CYCLIST.
AREN'T WE GOING TOO FAST? THIS IS A BUILT-UP AREA.
I'M UNDER THE LIMIT.
WELL, YOU WENT PAS NUMBER 23 TOO FAST.
FAR TOO FAST.
SHE HAD NO OPPORTUNITY TO SEE MY HAT.
AND WATCH THE LORRY.
WHICH LORRY? THERE YOU ARE, YOU SEE.
YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE LORRY.
- WHERE IS HE? - PARKED OVER THERE.
WHY SHOULD I WATCH A STATIONARY LORRY PARKED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A DUAL CARRIAGE-WAY.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR TONE, RICHARD.
CHANGING TONE.
( tires screech ) - NOW WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? - IT'S NO GOOD.
I CAN'T GO BLITHELY OFF INTO THE COUNTRY.
I MUS VISIT DADDY.
I'D BETTER NOT PARK OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.
IT BLOCKS THE STREET.
HOW COULD MY SISTER MARRY ONSLOW? CONCEIVABLY SHE LOVED HIM.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
HOW CAN YOU LOVE AN ONSLOW? HE SINGS ON COACH TRIPS.
I JUST PRAY I'M NEVER SEEN HERE BY PEOPLE OF OUR OWN SOCIAL STANDING.
I HATE KEEPING DADDY IN THIS ENVIRONMENT.
- IT'S WHERE HE WAS BORN.
- THAT'S NOT THE IMPRESSION I CARE TO CULTIVATE.
I EXPECT PEOPLE TO ASSUME THAT I WAS BORN INTO THE CANDLELIGH SUPPER CLASS.
DON'T YOU SCREAM AT ME.
I NEVER TOUCHED YOUR HUSBAND.
I WOULDN'T TOUCH HIM WITH A SIX-FOOT POLE! I WISH I COULD FIND A SIX-FOOT POLE.
A SORT OF YOUNGER LECH WALENSA.
I CAN'T HELP I IF YOUR HUSBAND THROWS HIMSELF AT ME! HE WAS NOT ENCOURAGED.
IF HE CAN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF ME, THAT'S HIS PROBLEM.
SAW ME WITH HIM DOING WHAT? WELL, SHE'S LYING.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOUND IN HIS CAR, THEY'RE NOT MINE.
( panting ) WHAT'S THE MATTER? ARE WE ON FIRE? I'VE JUST SEEN A CAR PULL UP.
IT'S OUR HYACINTH.
- OH, GOD! - WELL, NEAR ENOUGH.
I'LL HAVE TO GO.
I'LL FIGHT WITH YOU LATER.
I WONDERED WHERE I'D LOST THAT PAIR.
HELP ME TIDY UP.
WHAT'S OUR HYACINTH DOING HERE? I EXPECT SHE'S COME TO VISIT FATHER.
I WISH SHE'D GIVE US SOME NOTICE-- LIKE ABOU THREE MONTHS.
PUT THE KETTLE ON, ROSE.
- MAKE A CUP OF TEA.
- IS ONSLOW GETTING UP? OH, YOU KNOW ONSLOW.
NOT UNLESS IT'S WORLD WAR III.
OH! LEAVE IT.
LEAVE IT.
( barking ) YOU'VE WOKEN THE DOG.
GOOD MORNING, ONSLOW.
DON'T SAY GOOD MORNING TO HIM WHEN I'VE JUST BEEN SAVAGED BY HIS DOG.
LESS NOISE, YOU DAFT BITCH.
AND THAT GOES FOR YOU AS WELL, DOG.
( laughing ) ( aluminum can crunches ) AREN'T YOU SMOKING TOO MANY, ROSE? IT HELPS KEEP YOUR FIGURE.
IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY FELLAS SHE KEEPS IT FOR.
SHUT YOUR FACE, ONSLOW.
ANY MORE TEA? OR MORE TO THE POINT, - ANY MORE BEAKERS? - YOU CAN HAVE THE RES OF THIS.
TA.
- WELL, HOW IS DADDY? - DAFT AS A BRUSH.
- BE QUIET, ONSLOW.
- WELL, HE GETS BARMY.
- DOES THE DOG LIVE IN THE CAR? - SHE LIKES THE CAR.
- YEAH, SO-- - I'M TALKING ABOUT DADDY.
- SORRY.
- I WISH HE'D LIVE IN THE CAR.
WHO'S A LOVELY GIRL, THEN? WHICH IS MORE THAN COULD BE SAID FOR YOUR HYACINTH.
WHERE DID SHE GET THAT HAT? THE HAT? STRIKING, ISN'T IT? I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COPE DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
OH, YOU GET USED TO IT.
THAT'S TERRIFYING.
THAT'S THE MOS FRIGHTENING THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THE DOG? OH, SHE ADOPTED US LAST WEEK.
I THOUGHT SHE'D SLEEP WITH US ON THE BED BUT SHE PREFERS THE CAR.
YOU'VE NEVER HAD A DOG, DICKY? NO, HYACINTH CAN' DO WITH THE MESS.
YOU KNOW, WE OUGHT TO GO OU AND HAVE A DRINK SOMETIME, YOU AND ME.
WHERE ARE YOU HEADING FOR TODAY? HYACINTH LIKES TO VISI THESE STATELY HOMES.
WE'LL PROBABLY END UP IN CARLDON HALL.
CARLDON HALL? THAT SOUNDS REALLY BORING.
PROBABLY WILL BE.
USUALLY IS.
( car engine running ) ( whines ) RIGHT.
WHERE IS THE BITCH?! SHE'S INSIDE, LOVE.
UPSTAIRS.
I'LL KILL HER! I'LL PLUCK HER EYES OUT! WHO IS SHE? IT'S USUALLY THE WIFE OF ONE OF ROSE'S BOYFRIENDS.
( screaming ) NEVER MIND WHO I AM! TO SORT YOU OUT! NEVER MIND WHO YOU ARE?! YOU COME BURSTING IN-- COME BURSTING IN! A DROP MORE TEA, HYACINTH? TEA? HADN'T WE BETTER DO SOMETHING? THERE'S A MAD WOMAN ATTACKING ROSE UPSTAIRS.
OH, NO.
ROSE WILL BE FINE.
SHE'S VERY EXPERIENCED.
THAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE.
POOR DADDY LYING SICK IN THE NEXT ROOM, LEARNING THE SINS OF HIS YOUNGEST DAUGHTER AT FULL VOLUME.
WHAT DOES DADDY MAKE OF ALL THESE SCENES? OH, HE NEVER BOTHERS.
YOU KNOW FATHER.
HE'S IN A WORLD OF HIS OWN.
BY THE WAY, BEFORE YOU GO, DO YOU MIND IF I TRY YOUR HAT? ONSLOW HATES ME IN A HAT.
( laughs ) NO.
NO, I TELL A LIE.
ONSLOW WOULD NEVER NOTICE ME IN A HAT.
HE CAN HARDLY RAISE A GRUNT THESE DAYS FOR YOUR BEST EFFORTS IN BRA AND BLACK STOCKINGS.
WILL ROSE BE ALL RIGHT? ROSE WILL BE FINE.
ROSE CAN HANDLE WIVES.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING SHE HANDLES MORE OFTEN AND THAT'S HUSBANDS.
( television starts playing music ) ONSLOW, THERE'S SOMEBODY CLIMBING DOWN YOUR DRAINPIPE DRESSED IN A BALACLAVA AND A FANCY CAPE.
- ARE YOU BEING BURGLED? - NO, THAT'S NOT A BURGLAR.
THAT'S YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW.
HYACINTH'S DADDY? WHAT'S HE DOING? THIS WEEK HE'S BEING CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT, SWORD OF JUSTICE, STRIKING TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF ALL EVILDOERS.
BUT IS HE ANY GOOD AT DRAINPIPES? ( crash ) NOT A LOT.
HE'S GONE DOWN THE STREET.
HADN'T WE BETTER GET AFTER HIM? - PERSONALLY, I'M INCLINED NOT TO BOTHER.
- REALLY? HE'S ONLY GONNA RESCUE HER AT THE POST OFFICE.
- WHAT FROM? - A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH, I THINK HE SAID, AT THE HANDS OF SOME TOTALLY HAIRLESS GREEN PEOPLE FRESH FROM OUTER SPACE AND DESPERATE FOR A WHITE WOMAN.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD TELL HYACINTH.
I'LL GO ALONG WITH THAT.
BUT HOW WILL WE GET HIM BACK? - THEY'LL GET A COUPLE OF CUSTOMERS TO BRING HIM BACK.
- REALLY? IT'S THE POST OFFICE.
THEY DELIVER.
YOU'RE QUITE RIGHT.
IT COULD DO WITH A COAT OF PAINT.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET THE DECORATORS IN.
CAN'T ONSLOW DECORATE? MY ONSLOW? ( laughs ) OH, NO.
HE'S MORE YOUR BIG IDLE SLOB.
OH, WE WARNED YOU, DAISY, WHEN YOU MARRIED HIM.
I KNOW, YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM MARKS FOR CONSISTENCY.
- LISTEN.
- I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
THAT'S JUST IT-- I CAN' HEAR THEM ARGUING ANYMORE.
IT'S GONE QUIET.
DEATHLY QUIET.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
I WARNED ROSE THAT HER WAY OF LIFE WOULD ONE DAY LEAD TO TRAGEDY.
NOBODY CAN SHOW THAT AMOUNT OF LEG AND EXPECT TO BE GUIDED SUPERNATURALLY.
I CAN'T EVEN HEAR OUR ROSE SMOKING.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
YOU DON'T THINK-- OOH! ROSE ISN' USUALLY VIOLENT.
Hyacinth: NO, BUT WHAT ABOU THAT OTHER WOMAN?! ( sobbing ) - MEN! - THEY'RE ALL SWINES! IT'S US WOMEN THAT SUFFER.
SHOULD THAT BE "IT'S WE WOMEN WHO SUFFER"? - WE'LL MAKE HIM PAY.
- OOH, I'D LIKE THAT.
IT WILL BE A PLEASURE.
I'LL HAVE TO GO GET HIS DINNER ON.
AND YOU, LOVE.
THAT ROSE, SHE KNOWS WHAT SUFFERING IS.
YOU'RE A SWINE TO YOUR WIFE, YOU MISERABLE, NO-GOOD-- HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE A SWINE TO YOUR WIFE? I'LL TELL YOU HOW I KNOW-- BECAUSE SHE'S JUST LEFT HERE.
OH, I BET THAT'S JUST MADE HIS DAY.
DAISY, DADDY'S NO IN HIS ROOM.
WHERE'S HE GONE? HE SHOULDN'T BE OUT ON HIS OWN.
HE WON'T BE ON HIS OWN.
HE'LL BE IN THE GRIP OF A COUPLE OF CUSTOMERS.
- MMM? - PROBABLY WOMEN.
OH, HOW CONSIDERATE.
I EXPECT HE'S HELPING THEM BOTH SAFELY ACROSS A BUSY ROAD.
AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ILLUSTRATED EROTIC BOOKS BACK! HOW YOU CAN SPEND MONEY ON-- WOULD YOU LIKE A DROP MORE TEA, HYACINTH? I THINK NOT, NO THANK YOU.
- RICHARD-- - I DON'T MEAN THE BLACK RUBBER CLOTHING SECTION! THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF TELEPHONE CONVERSATION YOU SHOULD BE OVERHEARING.
YOU WEREN'T ALL THAT TERRIFIC ANYWAY.
BOOKS OR NO BOOKS, WITH YOUR BUILD YOU'D NO CHANCE OF GETTING PAST PAGE 22.
AY! JUST LET'S GO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.
BAD ENOUGH DAISY MARRIED TO ONSLOW, BUT TO LET HIM DRINK OUT OF HER BEAKER.
AND AS FOR ROSE, I SUPPOSE ONE OUGHT TO BE GRATEFUL THAT AT LEAS SHE'S MISBEHAVING WITH SOMEONE LITERATE.
WELL, YOU'VE DONE YOUR DUTY.
YOU VISITED YOUR FATHER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TRIES TO FORCE HIMSELF ON THE POSTMISTRESS.
WELL, AT LEAS YOU KNOW HE'S FIT.
MMM? NO, I EXPECTED SOMETHING QUITE SIMPLE.
PROBABLY THE EFFOR OF LICKING HIS STAMPS SENT THE BLOOD RUSHING TO HIS TONGUE AND HE STUMBLED TOWARDS HER.
POOR DADDY.
IT'S DICKY I FEEL SORRY FOR.
SHE'S GO EYES EVERYWHERE.
I REALLY BELIEVE OUR HYACINTH CAN SEE THROUGH LAMINATED SURFACES TO THE GRIME UNDERNEATH.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CLEAN THAT KITCHEN.
IF WE ALL GOT "STOOKEN," WE COULD SOON CLEAN THAT KITCHEN.
TALK TO YOURSELF, DAISY.
THERE'S YOUR FATHER BEING TAKEN HOME NOW.
DO YOU WANT TO STOP? NO, IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING.
HE SEEMS TO BE HAPPY.
THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR ONE EXPECTS FROM CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
50p FOR THE CAR PARK, PLEASE.
OH, CAN'T WE PARK IN THAT LITTLE SPACE NEARER THE HOUSE? THAT'S RESERVED FOR THE FAMILY, MADAM.
I'M NOT SAYING I AM FAMILY, BUT I HAVE WRITTEN TO HER LADYSHIP FROM TIME TO TIME FOR CHARITABLE PURPOSES.
I'M SURE SHE'D REMEMBER MY PERSONAL EMBOSSED WRITING PAPER-- SAFFRON WITH MATCHING ENVELOPES.
YOU'LL HAVE TO PARK IN THE PUBLIC AREA, MADAM.
IT ISN'T AS IF WE BELONG WITH THE MASSES, I HAVE A SON AT UNIVERSITY.
I'M SORRY, MADAM.
MY HUSBAND IS AN OFFICER OF A LARGE LOCAL AUTHORITY.
I WISH YOU WOULDN' INVOLVE ME, HYACINTH.
ENORMOUS SUMS OF MONEY PASS THROUGH HIS HANDS.
I'D REALLY RATHER JUST SIT HERE IN NEUTRAL.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO PARK IN THE PUBLIC AREA, MADAM.
- I DON'T THINK-- HYACINTH, IT'S NOT WORTH UPSETTING HIS LORDSHIP.
VERY WELL, DEAR.
THANK YOU.
DRIVE ON, RICHARD.
WHY DO WE ALWAYS COME TO THIS ROOM? BECAUSE IT'S NEAR THE FAMILY QUARTERS, DEAR.
ONE OF THESE DAYS I SHALL CATCH HIS LORDSHIP'S EYE, OR BETTER YET, HER LADYSHIP'S, AND I SHALL STRIKE UP AN ACQUAINTANCE.
AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHO CAN PARK IN THE LITTLE PRIVATE AREA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE THROUGH THERE YET.
DO BE PATIENT, RICHARD DEAR.
THE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER ABOU THE ARISTOCRACY IS THEIR IMPECCABLE MANNERS.
ONCE WE'VE ESTABLISHED EYE CONTACT, WE'RE ALMOST HONOR BOUND TO BE INVITED TO TEA.
IT'S NOT VERY LIKELY, HYACINTH.
ANOTHER THING IS THAT THE ARISTOCRACY ALWAYS RECOGNIZE QUALITY.
WHY AM I WEARING THIS HAT? - LET THESE PEOPLE PASS, RICHARD.
- NO, NO, NO, AFTER YOU.
NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE WAITING FOR HIS LORDSHIP.
OH.
I AM SORRY.
I THOUGH YOU WERE JUST VISITORS.
I KNOW.
PEOPLE KEEP MAKING THAT MISTAKE.
( booms ) YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
- HOW MUCH YOU GOT, ROSE? - 20.
50p PLEASE, SIR.
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND US A BIT OF A SLOPE TO PARK ON.
ONLY THIS OLD BITCH ISN' TOO CLEVER AT STARTING AGAIN.
- I CAN BELIEVE THAT.
- ( Onslow laughs ) HERE, HAVE YOU HAD A WELL-POLISHED CAR THROUGH HERE, DRIVER LOOKING SHELL-SHOCKED? WOMAN WITH A BIG HAT? SHE WAS MURDER.
THAT'S THE ONE.
( engine roars loudly ) WE OUGHT TO MOVE ON A BIT, HYACINTH.
NOW DO BE PATIENT, RICHARD.
ABSORB THE PICTURE.
I'VE BEEN ABSORBING I FOR 10 MINUTES.
10 MINUTES? THESE WORKS OF ART ARE PAINTED TO BE ENJOYED FOREVER.
IT'S BEGINNING TO FEEL LIKE FOREVER.
WE'LL LEAVE WHEN I'VE HAD A GLIMPSE OF THE FAMILY.
WHAT'S THE POINT? THE POINT IS TO BEGIN BUILDING UP A RELATIONSHIP.
THAT'S THE POINT.
THEY DON'T KNOW YOU FROM ADAM.
LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.
THEY'LL RECOGNIZE BREEDING WHEN THEY SEE IT.
ISN'T THA A LOVELY PICTURE? I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I ME HER LADYSHIP.
WHEN? WHEN DID YOU MEET HER? WE MET, OF COURSE, THE FIRST TIME WHEN SHE OPENED THE GARDEN PARTY.
YOU WERE IN THE CROWD, THAT'S ALL.
SHE KEPT LOOKING IN MY DIRECTION.
I BELIEVE MY DEPORTMEN IMPRESSED HER.
I SUPPOSE THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER MUST HAVE BEEN AT THAT DINNER AFTER THE GALA PERFORMANCE OF SWAN LAKE.
SHE KNOWS THE FAMILY.
THEY'RE FRIENDS OF THE FAMILY.
OF COURSE HER LADYSHIP AND I HAVE WORKED TOGETHER FOR CHARITY.
- WHEN WAS THAT? - THE GARDEN PARTY.
OUR FAMILIES, HER LADYSHIP'S AND MINE, ARE NOT WITHOU THEIR LINKS.
MY FATHER, TOO, IS NO NOVICE WHEN IT COMES TO CARRYING A SWORD.
Onslow: ARE YOU UP THERE, DICKY? ( Onslow continues ) ONSLOW.
- DID YOU TELL HIM? - TELL HIM WHAT? - YOU MUST HAVE TOLD HIM.
- TOLD HIM WHAT? - WHERE WE WERE GOING.
- I MAY HAVE MENTIONED SOMETHING.
FANCY DOING THAT.
YOU PRACTICALLY INVITED HIM.
HYACINTH, HE'S HERE NOW.
WE JUST CAN' KEEP RUNNING.
I WILL NOT BE FOUND ON STATELY PREMISES IN THE COMPANY OF SOMEONE WHO DRINKS BEER IN HIS UNDERSHIRT.
ONLY WHEN HE CAN AFFORD IT.
Daisy: I DON'T THINK HYACINTH WILL WELCOME I WHEN WE DO FIND HER.
WHAT ABOU THAT CAR PARK ATTENDANT? - I RATHER LIKE THAT CAR PARK ATTENDANT.
- OH.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WAN TO SPEND THE AFTERNOON WITH HYACINTH.
I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE AFTERNOON WITH YOUR HYACINTH.
IT'S YOUR FATHER WHO'S SENILE, NOT ME.
WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE POOR OLD DICKY.
HE'S THE ONE I FEEL SORRY FOR.
I JUST THOUGH SOMEONE SHOULD RESCUE HIM AND GET SOME BEVYS DOWN HIM.
WHAT THE HELL DO CALL THAT? IT'S ART.
ART? I WOULDN'T WRAP MY CHIPS UP IN IT.
HERE, ROSE, WHAT DO YOU RECKON OF THIS? AHHHH-- HIDE.
THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY.
COME ON! RICHARD! PSST! PSST! CAN I HELP YOU? THIS IS NO A PUBLIC AREA, YOU KNOW.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY'S.
HER LADYSHIP AND I ARE OLD ACQUAINTANCES.
SO IT WOULD BE VERY UNWISE OF YOU - TO START GETTING OFFICIOUS.
- OH, YES BUT-- WE'RE MERELY HIDING FROM SOME UNACCEPTABLE PERSON WHO'S TRYING PURSUE US.
THERE ARE SUCH ODD PEOPLE ABOUT.
I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.
Hyacinth: HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT THAT WAS HIS LORDSHIP? HE LOOKED LIKE THE GARDENER.
HE MUST BE VERY LOW DOWN ON THE ARISTOCRATIC SCALE IF HE LOOKS LIKE A GARDENER.
I THINK IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE'S NO RIGH TO LOOK LIKE A GARDENER.
( theme music playing )