Kickin' It (2011) s01e03 Episode Script

All right guys, stand back.
What's the big deal, Jack? You've done that a thousand times.
Wait for it.
Whoa! Man, I'd give you a million bucks.
If you could do that to my cello.
Playas don't play the cello.
Well, you're not a playa.
I will be when I get rid of that dang cello.
I'm going to get a smoothie.
No no! Don't you die on me, not now! It's not your time! What's going on in there? Rudy's toilet's clogged again.
Poor myrtle.
I almost lost her.
Twice I had to plunge her back to life.
How do you know if a toilet's a boy or a girl? You take the top off the tank, - You reach your arm in, and you feel around - Stop! I think I'd rather hear about this.
In an awkward conversation with my father.
Rudy, focus.
The new owner of the mall's gonna be here any minute.
Hey, you guys gotta check this out.
These brochures are all over the place.
This new owner's making some big changes.
Wow, they finally moved the baby changing area out of the food court.
And if you ask me, that was a big step in the right direction.
No way! They're bringing in a Captain corn dog! Oh snap! That's a classy joint.
Yeah, my sister got married in a Captain corn dog.
The Captain walked her down the plank himself.
Whoa, look at that huge new parking lot.
Wait a minute, where's our dojo? There's a parking lot where our dojo should be.
Whoa.
All tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we can have a ball, run up the wall this is how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we can have a ball, run up the wall this is how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
- Mr.
Turner, - Nice to meet you, Rudy.
- This is my son Arthur.
- Hello, sir.
What a wonderful dojo you have here.
Let me ask you, how do you do it? A Sensei, a businessman and obviously a male model.
Yeah, I know, totally.
It's because I'm look at me.
Arthur, go make some friends while Rudy and I talk.
Yes, daddy.
You and Rudy go have a good talk, all right? I'll just I'll just be out here with the gang.
Okay okay.
How are you doing? So what do you losers this dump? Around.
Sit around and pretend to know karate? Yo, pretend to know karate? Check this out.
Go ahead, show him, Jack.
- Yeah.
- Come on, Jack.
- Come on, dude.
- You got this.
You got this, dude.
Come on.
Yeah! That was nothing.
You guys wanna see some real karate moves? Watch this.
Uh-oh.
- What was that? - I can't believe it, sir.
That kid just busted up all your trophies.
Milton, you are in big trouble.
What? It wasn't Milton.
It was Arthur.
Oh.
Well, accidents happen.
Thank you for showing us.
What a dangerous place that is to keep trophies.
Now everyone, give our newest member Arthur.
A big Bobby Wasabi welcome.
What? I love clapping.
Whoo! Ya ya ya! Ya! - Hi-yah! - Ah! - Kim, take it easy.
- Sorry, Eddie.
I'm just so sick and tired of being looked at as just another pretty face.
Oh, welcome to my world, sister.
I mean, what's the point of being a reporter for the school tv station.
If Margaret bork thinks I'm just.
Some "airhead" Southern belle who can't do real news? Oh man! You guys should've seen what we just did.
It was a riot.
It was like taking candy from a baby.
That's what you actually did, Arthur.
You took candy from a baby.
Hey, could could I get in on that? Thanks.
Nothing tastes better than something stolen from a baby.
I don't get it, Rudy.
Why does Arthur have to join our dojo? Why do we have to be his friends? And why are you sitting on a toilet? This new high-tech toilet is a gift from Mr.
Turner.
So you're just throwing myrtle away? After everything you put her through? Oh please, myrtle's just an old flush bucket.
The magic was gone years ago.
We were just going through the motions.
Oh okay, I see what this is about.
You sold us out for a new toilet.
I saved our dojo.
When Mr.
Turner was saying that Arthur was having a hard time making friends, I jumped on it and said he could make friends right here.
Rudy, we don't want to be friends with him.
Friends are loyal.
Friends have your back.
Now come on, just promise me.
That you'll try and make this Arthur thing work.
Fine.
If it means saving the dojo, I'll give the spoiled little brat a chance.
See? That's the spirit.
Hey, Jack, check this out.
The evacutron 5000 is now ready for boarding.
Would you like your seat warmed? If this thing could cook, I would totally marry it.
Apparently it can cook.
Your, uh, toilet waffles are ready.
- Are you sure you want to eat those? - No.
Not without syrup.
Ooh.
Margaret, come on.
There are so many important stories I could cover.
Kimmy, you're good at pretty, you're good at perky, But you can't handle the big stories.
And that's why I'm the head reporter.
Here's your assignment.
Seriously? I'm standing here with Mrs.
Lubinski, The teacher that fell asleep during detention.
And was swarmed by a gang of spit-ballers.
Any comments? - Whoa, what's this? - It's a gift.
I know I've been a little bit of a jerk.
A little bit of a jerk? That's like saying Jerry's a little bit confused.
What? Wait, what'd I miss? I'm confused.
Look, to show you that I'm not all bad, I got you guys this brand-new.
State-of-the-art punching dummy.
You know what, Arthur? Maybe I had you wrong.
- That's a pretty cool move.
- All right, that's more like it.
Now I think I should be the one to break this bad boy in.
Whoo! Whoa! Oh man, that was good! See, I told you guys it was a punching dummy.
You get it? It's on, dummy.
It's on.
- That's it.
- Jack, you can't do this.
You promised Rudy.
- But I didn't.
- No, Kim.
- I want him all to myself.
- No, Eddie.
This one's all me.
Wait, why can't Jack do this? Guys, let's just start practice.
Whoa whoa whoa, Jack.
I got this.
Since Rudy's not around and I outrank everyone, I'll lead the class.
Are you nuts? You don't outrank Jack.
Really? See, I don't know if you noticed, But I'm a green belt.
Yeah, because your daddy bought it for you.
Jack, you don't know anything about karate.
You're nothing but a scrawny little skate rat.
And you're nothing but a spoiled little poser.
- Poser, huh? - Yeah.
That's it.
Whoa! - Whoa! - You're gonna be sorry you did that! - What is going on? - It's a good thing you're here, dad.
I was just saying my prayers and eating my vitamins, And Jack threw me into this wall.
We had a deal, Rudy.
You said this was a warm, safe environment.
Where Arthur could learn karate and make friends.
Jack, did you throw Arthur into our wall of friendship? They don't do that to just anyone.
They must really like you.
Don't you, Jack? Rudy, I didn't want to fight him.
He just came right at me.
He came at you, you came at him It's like a big comin' at you party in here.
All right, back to practice, you loveable scamps.
- Yeah.
- Rudy, this is unacceptable.
I want Jack thrown out of your dojo.
- What? - What? Bye-bye, Jack.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Turner, but that's not gonna happen.
Okay, then.
You have two hours to get out.
You're standing on the site of my new parking lot.
Come on, son.
It's time for your 3:30 appointment.
- Oh, shut up.
- I get it.
It's because I'm a toilet, isn't it? Jack, put your stuff down.
You're not leaving.
If I don't leave, you're all gonna lose the dojo.
I'm not gonna let that happen.
No no no.
You're not going.
Sometimes in life a man has to decide what's really important.
Hey, not my toilet! Take the boy instead! - Rudy! - Well, I'm sorry, but you've never sat on her.
We're not gonna take this, man.
We gotta fight the power, yo.
Jerry's right.
We've gotta fight back.
Like that guy on meyer Avenue.
Who chained himself to that old oak tree.
So they wouldn't cut it down.
He stood his ground and saved that tree.
Until it fell over in a storm, destroyed my aunt verna's house.
And she had to move into my room.
I've seen things no boy my age should see.
Gah! You know what? You guys are onto something.
What Turner's doing is wrong and we gotta fight back.
- What are you saying, Rudy? - I'm saying they can't tear down the dojo.
If I'm chained to that post.
And I will fight the good fight for as long as it takes.
So chain me up.
- Yeah! - Whoo! Get these things off me! I can't take it anymore.
I'm going crazy! Rudy, it's only been three minutes.
Well, if it's such a great story, Why don't you cover it yourself? That was Margaret trying to give me.
Another lame story to cover.
- Well, what was it this time? - Big news in the cafeteria: Apparently taco tuesdays is becoming fajita Friday.
Yes! You slip the lunch lady a box of chocolates and a Cat calendar Oh, you can move mountains, baby! All this talk about food is getting me hungry.
I'm going over to honey buns to hook us up.
No no no.
You can't go out there, man.
That's just what they want.
You go out that door, it's like we've given up.
Well, eventually we're gonna need something to eat.
You know, our air vent connects with the nail salon.
Those ladies are always snacking on something.
- Yeah, he's right.
- Yeah, but who's skinny enough to fit through that vent? Oh.
Oh! Let's do this.
I think the exhaust fan just kicked on.
What makes you say that? Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! No reason.
Check it out.
Turner just showed up with some people.
Attention dojo squatters, You have five minutes to get out.
We are bringing in a wrecking ball.
You don't scare us, Turner.
That whole bringing-in- a-wrecking-ball routine It's the oldest trick in the book.
Uh, Rudy? They just brought in a wrecking ball.
What? Unchain me, you fools! We can't.
You gave the keys to Milton.
What? No, it can't end like this.
I never sat in a hot tub full of pudding.
No, wait.
Yes, I did.
No, that was custard.
Smash it up, daddy.
Smash it up good.
We're not gonna smash anything, Arthur.
We're just bringing in the wrecking ball to scare them.
Well, it's not working.
Nobody is leaving.
Oh, they'll leave.
I just cranked up the air conditioning.
They have to be freezing in there.
Nothing brings a crowd out like a wrecking ball.
They're totally on our side.
You can feel the love.
Knock it down! Knock it down! - Knock it down! - Why don't you guys shut your pie holes? Y'all, I just realized I'm right in the middle.
Four kids from our school fighting a great injustice.
Kim, you'd better get out there.
Your friend Margaret bork just showed up.
Oh, no she didn't.
Not today, Margaret.
Not today! Whoa! In two minutes we're turning this place into a parking lot.
I'm going out there.
All right, I've got some demands, people.
All right, now we're gonna need a big bag of cheeseburgers, Some fries, some juice boxes and And throw in some of those glow-in-the-dark straws.
Yeah, they make drinking fun, you know? - Your demands stink.
- Yeah! I wasn't finished.
Ugh.
And uh and I'm also gonna need.
A couple of helicopters flown by supermodels.
- Now those are some demands! - Whoo! All right.
Thank you, thank you.
Yeah.
Now who's with me? Wasabi! Wasabi! Yeah, Wasabi! Wasabi! Yeah, Wasabi! - Where's Arthur? - Wasabi! Wasabi! Heh heh.
Margaret bork bringing you another exclusive story.
Behind me is the scene of a tense downtown stand-off.
- Margaret, - I'm on the air, Kim.
Aah! Yo, Arthur's lost it, you guys.
A few more swings and this dojo's history.
What are we gonna do? I got this.
Probably not my best idea.
- What's up, Arthur? - Jack, you're too late.
I don't think I am.
You can't do anything without the keys.
Say goodbye to your dojo, Jack.
Yes! I'm live on the scene here at the Bobby Wasabi dojo.
We have an eyewitness to the action Our own head reporter Margaret bork.
Margaret, in your own words, Would you tell us what you saw? So big, so round, so coming at me.
Coming at me.
Well said, Margaret.
There you have it, folks.
I'm Kim Crawford and I have a feeling.
Y'all will be seeing a lot more of me.
Is everyone okay in here? Look, Turner, you win, all right? Just go ahead and take your dojo back.
Put up your parking lot.
But you know what? We're proud.
And we will hold our heads high.
Really? Hands over the head that's all it took.
I think this belongs to you.
Arthur, how could you do something like this? I've given you everything.
- Maybe that's the problem.
- What do you mean? Well, this dojo might not be much, But it's built on the principles of discipline and respect, A couple of things Arthur obviously doesn't have.
Blah blah blah.
Look, can we just knock down their little dump now, dad? No.
He's right.
I'm sorry, Rudy.
Your dojo can stay.
- Yes! - Yes! Whoo! Arthur, get in the car.
You're grounded.
Grounded? What does that even mean? I think you're about to find out.
Bye-bye, Arthur.
Jack, what you did was incredible.
It wasn't just me.
We all did it.
Wait a minute.
Has anyone seen Milton? Tina, you are so much better off without him.
You know what I say? Change the locks, Make yourself a nice bubble bath.
And, girl, get your cry on.
Ow ow.
Take it easy.
kickin' it with you! who's there? Evacutron? I've come back to see you, Rudy.
What do you want? You know what I want.
- But I just went 10 minutes ago.
- What? You've cheated on me? How could you, Rudy? I never thought I would see you again.
Well, now you won't! No.
It was just a porta-potty.
She meant nothing to me.
Yes!