Knight Squad (2018) s01e03 Episode Script

1 - Oh, oh, hey Hey, hey, hey - Hello? No one's here.
Solo dance party! [grunts rhythmically.]
Go Arc, get crazy - Happy Armor Day! - I wasn't dancing! You were! - Armor Day bump! - This is my favorite holiday tradition! - [screams.]
- [crashes, clanking.]
- Lucky for him I only used one cheek! - Happy Armor Day, Arc! - Aww, thanks! What's Armor Day? - What's Armor Day? - Not from Astoria, remember? I'm from Seagate, where we have normal holidays like Pretend Wednesday's Thursday Day.
- Seriously? - Yeah, our holidays are awful.
Let's talk about Armor Day.
- Okay.
First, you need to know how good I am at brushing your teeth.
- [gags.]
- Oh, oh, yes! Brushing someone else's teeth is my second favorite Armor Day tradition.
I'll brush yours, Warwick.
- No, my teeth still hurt from last year.
- PRUDENCE: Oh! It's a tradition! You're only making it worse by running.
- Please tell me what the troll is going on? - Our traditions may seem weird to you, but they mean a lot to us.
On Armor Day, we celebrate the story of the creation of the Armor of Astoria.
- This is story time? I love story time! - [tinkling.]
- Okay.
Start with "Once upon a time" - I'd rather not.
- Come on, pleeease? - [sighs.]
Once upon a time - Yay! - the first king of Astoria gathered his wizards because he knew evil forces would one day descend upon Astoria.
- Pause.
Are there scary parts? - Yes.
- Okay, I just need some warning.
- The first king commanded his wizards to make an enchanted suit of armor.
The wizards' powerful magic made whoever wore the armor indestructible.
Hogancross, the wisest wizard, said the armor was (imitates Hogancross) shinier than freshly brushed teeth.
- CIARRA: But as the king and his wizards were celebrating, the Shapeshifter snuck into the castle to steal the armor.
- [mournful violin music.]
- What are you doing? - I'm adding a suspenseful soundtrack.
Too much? - Eh, keep playing.
- [music continues.]
- CIARRA: To prevent the armor from falling into the hands of evil, Hogancross cast a powerful spell with his staff.
- [poof.]
- CIARRA: The armor was banished to an unknown place, where it remains to this day.
Armor Day celebrates the hope that one day, we'll find the armor and use it to keep Astoria safe.
- Aw, man, this is terrible.
- What are you talking about? Armor Day is the best day ever.
- Yeah, but if I don't know all the Armor Day customs, everyone will realize I don't belong in knight school.
- [deep horn blares.]
- Oh, man, they're sounding the alarms.
They know I'm not a Dragon Blood.
I-I gotta hide! I gotta go! - Pull yourself together! That horn means the festivities are starting.
The safest thing is for you to hide in here for the day and lay low.
- I gotta stay in here? By myself? On the best day ever? - I'm sorry, but I don't know any other way to keep your secret safe.
- Okay, go have fun.
I'll just be here having a sad dance party.
[sadly.]
Go Arc, so lonely - Whoa, oh, oh hey Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh, oh Ah Whoa, oh, oh hey Whoa, oh, oh Oh, we will be here We are the Knight Squad Hey - Ah Na, na, nana Na, na, nana, na, na - Hey, Buttercup.
I'm rigging the saltshaker so that - [salt sprinkling.]
- That'll happen! Ha, ha! You got Saged.
- Happy Armor Day! Boy, you got Saged.
Speaking of which, present time! It's a diorama of the day we met at knight school.
Here's the mean kids laughing at me.
- Oh, yeah.
And that's me, telling them to leave you alone or I'll - BOTH: use their windpipes as crazy straws.
- Aww, this is so sweet, Butty Butt.
Now, my gift to you is, um the honor of carrying it home for me.
- Yay! I have a job! - [door shuts.]
- Sage, Sage, Sage.
- Fizz! Try the salt.
- Buttercup gave you a present, and you gave her a job? - She was thrilled.
- She's heartbroken! - How would you know? - I've broken a few hearts in my day.
- I think I would know if Buttercup was upset.
She's my bestie.
- Or maybe you're the worst bestie ever.
A worstie! - Why are you even talking to me? Are you, like, the knight school janitor? - That's right, I clean things.
And right now, mm, you're a mess.
- Fine.
What's a good Armor Day gift? - Get her something beautiful, like a unicorn blossom.
- Those are almost impossible to find.
- You're welcome.
- I didn't say thank you.
- [whispers.]
You will.
- Na, na, na, na Oh Is he afraid Prudy's butt will bump him over the cliff? - It's not my fault you non-giants are so easily airborne.
- Arc's not feeling well.
He, um swallowed a toothbrush.
- Ah, been there.
- Oh, there's Sir Gareth.
Let's ask him.
- Sir Gareth, we were wondering if we could p - perform your ridiculous Armor Day dance thing? No.
- Well, actually, it's a song and dance revue called - BOTH: "The Sound of Armor.
" - Yes, you-you did it last year.
And it still haunts my dreams.
- Don't listen to him.
Your show is hilarious.
- It's not a comedy.
- [poof.]
- Happy Armor Day, Sir Gareth! - Wizard Hogancross, so nice of you to poof in.
Perhaps a little pre-poof warning next time.
- Oh, stop dithering and get the students' attention.
I'll help.
- [zap.]
- [trumpets like an elephant.]
- Students! Yea, I'm the great and powerful wizard, Hogancross.
Ooh! - Wow, Hogancross has to be a thousand years old.
- [indignantly.]
I'm 985! - You're gonna make us do the elephant thing, aren't you? - [trumpeting like elephants.]
- [snickering.]
- One squad will have the extreme honor of hosting Wizard Hogancross for our Armor Day feast.
- And you will hide - [zap.]
- HOGANCROSS: the chocolate armor.
- [laughs.]
Who wants to volunteer to host? - Ugh, that thing sounds like a nightmare.
We don't want him to pick us.
Stop smiling! - I can't! I have resting happy face.
- Which squad has the most Armor Day spirit? - ARC: Happy Armor Daaaaay! - [thud.]
- Toothbrushes for everybody! - Oh, no.
- Toothbrushes! - [toothbrushes clacking on ground.]
- Sir Gareth? Open up.
- Clearly this flippy young lad has the most spirit.
- Boom! Phoenix Squad wins.
See you at the feast.
- Yeah! I heard the words "win" and "feast.
" That's never bad.
- That's very bad.
The hosts have to know everything about Armor Day.
- Relax.
We know the customs.
We're all Dragon Bloods.
- Right.
Imagine how bad it would be if we weren't.
- The best part is the hosts are in charge of entertainment.
- Sir Gareth? [chuckles.]
You can't have dinner without a - BOTH: show! - No! - I'm sorry, did you say no? Or - BOTH: show? - Uh, no.
- You were supposed to lay low.
- Well, I can't prove I belong here if I'm stuck in the rec room bump bumping like a chump.
- Well, now we have to host the feast for Hogancross.
- He's the wizard from the story? You think he'll let me touch his beard? - Arc, he's gonna expect perfection at the feast.
One false move and you'll be kicked out of knight school.
- Come on, he's a sweet old guy.
- HOGANCROSS: [yells indignantly.]
Brushing your own teeth on Armor Day? You don't belong in knight school! Be gone! - [zap, poof.]
- Still think he's a sweet old guy? - Oh, nana Nana, na, na, na - This-this-this is gonna be okay, okay? Hogancross is not gonna poof me away.
I'm not freaking out! - If only someone had told you to lay low.
Oh, wait, someone did.
- I should've listened to you.
I'm sorry.
Please help me stay in knight school.
- I'm not going to help you.
- [tinkling.]
- I'm gonna help you! - But you're the same person.
You do know that, right? - Of course I know that.
But you'll actually listen to me as the princess because I intimidate you.
- That's not true.
I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
- Okay, we have six hours to get you ready.
Let's hit the books.
- Bookshelf, give me every book on Armor Day customs.
- [whooshing, whacking.]
- Or let the books hit you! - Nana, na, na - Ooh, how much for this orange? And do you charge for Armor Day giftwrapping? - An orange?! - [yelps.]
- You're giving your bestie rotten fruit? - I looked everywhere.
No one sells unicorn blossoms.
So she's just gonna have to take this disgusting orange.
Do better, Larry.
- You can't buy a unicorn blossom.
You have to pick one.
- [scoffs.]
No way! They only grow in the pit of explosions! And to get there, you have to cross the River of Fire and go through the Forest of Stabby Things.
- Spoken like a true worstie.
- I am not a worstie! Fine, I'll do it.
But not because you told me to.
- [pipe and drum festival music.]
- Some corn, Wizard Hogancross? - Delightful! - Some butter? - [splat.]
- Ah, pit butter! Marvelous.
I must say, young Arc, you are nailing every Armor Day tradition.
Good show! - He's impressed by you! - I'm just as surprised as you are.
- A toast! Phoenix Squad, this feast was extremely lit.
To Armor Day! - ALL: To Armor Day! - Oh, Wizard, now it's time for you to find the chocolate armor.
- Not so fast.
First, I must complete the ceremonial 15 spin.
- [enthusiastic applause.]
- Oh, wait, are you sure you should be spinning at your age, Your Wizardness? - Nonsense! Witness the Hogancross tornado.
[inhales deeply.]
- ALL: [slowly.]
Onnnneeee.
Twoooo.
- My hiding place is awesome.
He's never gonna find that chocolate armor.
- What? He's supposed to find it.
He pretends to look, but it's always hidden under his chair.
- Oh, man, I-I must've learned so many things today, I-I forgot one.
- Because you took five books to the head! - Well, the good news is is that it's it's technically under his chair.
Way under.
Way way, way under.
- Please tell me you didn't throw it off the cliff.
- I threw it off the cliff.
- Hey, hey, hey - Hey, hey Hey, hey, hey - As soon as Hogancross finishes the 15 spins, he's gonna look for the chocolate armor.
That could be any second.
- ALL: Seveeeen - Okay, not any second, but soon.
- I don't know why I thought I could fake being a Dragon Blood.
- Clearly I don't belong here.
- You can't just give up.
- Great, another thing I can't do.
- Well, we can still fix this.
We just have to buy some time.
- CROWD: Eiiiight.
- Wizard Hogancross! We have a special surprise for you.
- Ooh, I do love surprises.
- It's a song and dance revue called "The Sound of Armor"! - Oh my goblin! - Prudy, it's happening! - No, no, this is not happening.
I clearly said and they're wearing sparkly outfits.
- [drumroll.]
- Say, Warwick, what's that sound? - I hear it.
It's getting louder.
It's - BOTH: the sound of armor! - Five, six, seven, eight.
- [rhythmic cymbal intro.]
[Sung to the tune of "The Hot Honey Rag".]
Do, do, do, dodo, do Armor Do, do, do, dodo, do A wizard Do, do, do, dodo, do Toothbrush - I'm not watching this.
You-you can't make me! - Oh, yes I can.
- [zap.]
- I can't I can't close my eyes! - [music continues.]
- Okay, let's find that armor.
Arc, hurry up! - ARC: [screams.]
- [thud.]
- Too much hurrying.
- Oops! Guess my hands are still covered in pit butter.
- I don't see the armor.
What are we gonna do? - We're gonna hide 'cause there's a giant packrat coming! - [clacking.]
- [deep, long burp.]
- Ugh! That thing's digusting! - Yeah, we have them all over Seagate.
They're half human, half rat, and love trash.
- Oh, a broken umbrella! Bada bing! - The chocolate armor! Let's get it! - Oh, we have to be careful.
They have a deadly venomous tail.
Watch.
- [sizzling.]
- That'll teach ya to sneak up on me, rock! - Oh, man! She's in a bad mood.
- That's a she? - Isn't it obvious? - Ha Na, na, nana Na, na, nana, na, na - Ooh, that looks yummy! - Warlock! - [snaps.]
- Get the lady a fruit punch.
- Comin' right up! - [thud.]
- [slurps.]
Mm, just like Momma used to punch! [giggles.]
- [pants.]
[coughs.]
- Sage, are okay? - [scoffs.]
Been better.
Happy Armor Day! - An Armor Day gift from you? But you're my bestie! That's a present I get every day.
- Aww, that's so sweet.
It makes me uncomfortable.
Open the box.
- [sniffs.]
[shrieks.]
A unicorn blossom! I'm super allergic to those! [snorts.]
[yelps.]
- What? Are you serious? - Oh, right, you mentioned that yesterday! - [sneezes.]
- Fizzwick! You told me this would be the perfect Armor Day gift! - It is the perfect gift for my mom! That's why I tricked you! - Are you serious? - I can't feel my tongue! - Nice seeing you, Buttercup! Happy Armor Day! - Remind me to exact my revenge on that twerp! - [blubbering.]
Yay, I have another job! - Hey - How are we gonna get him away from the armor? - Don't worry.
I have a plan.
- Ugh! Your plan stinks.
- Exactly.
Packrats love dirty socks.
- [sniffs.]
Oh, socks! Bada boom, bada booyah! - Okay, I'll go grab the armor.
- Uh, maybe I should grab it.
You have pit butter hands.
- [clanks.]
- Hey! Get your mitts off my trash! - [sizzling.]
- [growls.]
Give me back my stuff, you mooks! - [sizzling.]
- [growls.]
- Toss me the armor! - You mess with the rat, you get the tail! - [sizzling.]
- Oh, quick, get to the rope! Packrats are afraid of heights.
- [suspenseful music.]
- Arc, jump! - PACKRAT: [grunts frantically.]
- CIARRA: Happy Armor Day! - [cheerfully.]
Thanks! Hope you fall! - Armor, armor, armor, yeah Do, do, dodo, do Magic [drumroll.]
- I haven't seen moves like that since I was on "Dancing With the Wizards.
" - Good goblin, Wizard, let me blink! - [zap.]
- Oh, so dry! - [sizzling.]
- [screams in pain.]
Why is there a cup of lemon juice on the table! - Oh, Wizard Hogancross, all that's left is the hunt for the chocolate armor.
- Ah.
Let the search begin.
Where oh where can it be? Where oh where ahh! Found it! This was a perfect Armor Day feast.
Thank you, Phoenix Squad and especially young Arc.
- That's me.
I'm Arc! I did it! - Of course you did, because you belong here.
- Even though I'm not from Astoria? - Especially because you're not from Astoria.
You know things the rest of us don't.
That's what's gonna make you a great knight.
- Thanks.
It'd mean a lot more if you could tell me that as the princess.
- Don't ruin this.
- Well, students, it's getting late for an 1,000-year-old man to be up.
Wizards [clears throat.]
we bounce.
- [poof.]
- Oh, I'm so glad he's gone.
- [poof.]
- And he's back.
I missed you.
- Hold that.
I so loved your show.
I must see it one more time.
- Oh my goblin! - Prudy, it's happening again! - Five, six, seven, eight! - Do, do, do, dodo, do Armor Do, do, do, dodo, do Wizard - [yelling in agony.]
No!