Kung Fu Panda Legends Of Awesomeness (2011) s01e03 Episode Script

- Wah-Tah! Huh! Huh! Ya! Male announcer: and now - hear the legends of the kung fu panda Doong, doong, doong, doong, doong-Bowng, doo-Boom-Boom Raised in a noodle shop Never seeking glory or fame He climbed a mountaintop And earned the dragon warrior name Hoo! Ah! Yah! Kung fu panda Doong, da-Doong, doong, shu-Gong, da-Doong, doong Master shifu saw the warrior blossom And master the skills of bodacious and awesome Kung fu panda Doong, da-Doong, doong-Doong, da-Doong, da-Da-Doong He lives, and he trains And he fights with the furious five Protect the valley somethin', somethin' Somethin', somethin' alive Ooh, ah, ooh! Kung fu panda Legends of awesomeness Sweet.
- Come on, mantis.
You have to eat something.
- [Sighs.]
i can't.
My stomach feels like i've been drinking From the cup of heartbreak and sorrow.
[Sighs.]
- Did you try salt? - It's not that.
Mantis' girlfriend dumped him, and now he won't eat.
- [Sighs.]
She was the most beautiful caterpillar you ever saw.
Then one day, poof! She becomes a butterfly.
Now it's like i don't even know her.
- Romantic entanglements upset one's chi.
That's why i avoid them.
- Yeah, that's the reason.
- [Chuckling.]
oh, man-Tis, you got to eat.
No eat-Y, no energy.
No energy, no train-Y.
- Because it's adorable? Ooh! I know just the dish to soothe your tiny broken heart.
Wha-Tah! Hoo-Ah! Need a few bean paste dumplings, liberal portion of honey, Some sticky plum sauce, extra sticky, And my own supersecret ingredient - isn't that what we patch walls with? - So? Now we patch a broken heart.
Now we just give it a good stir, and voila! Po's famous sticky dumplings.
Try one, mantis.
- Thanks, po.
Oof! [Muffled.]
i seem to be stuck on your dumpling.
- Oops.
[Chuckles.]
Guess i kind of went overboard with the sticky.
- [Grunting.]
Notas much fun as it looks! [Grunts.]
- This is ridiculous.
Here.
[Both grunting.]
- Pull! Pull! [Loud crash.]
- Uh - mealtime is over.
Let's train.
- Uh, but-- But i just made-- I mean, it seems like a shame to waste the--And-- Uh, maybe i'll just [screams.]
- Po! [Stammers.]
[Gulps.]
[Gulps.]
[Chains jangling.]
- [Sighs.]
- Excellent.
Now, po, i-- [Gasps.]
Panda, are you eating in here? - [Chewing loudly.]
[Swallows.]
No.
- We have rules about eating in the training hall.
- Is one of them that we should? - [Sighs.]
That's enough training for today.
You're dismissed.
Except for you, dragon warrior.
I have a special mission for you.
- Ah.
You guys go on.
Special mission.
- I would like the dragon warrior - yes? - To clean the entire training hall by sunset.
- Huh? [Groans.]
But, master shifu, you don't understand.
I was gonna - yes? - I got nothin', So i thought i'd just trail off like that.
- Good decision.
Now get to work, and take care.
This training hall is a hallowed and special place.
[Sleepy flute music.]
- [Swallowing.]
But first, a little dragon warrior action.
Hiy--Oh! Ah, stuck! The sticky dumplings.
Might have made 'em a bit too sticky.
[Grunting.]
Kee-Yah! [Grunts.]
No! Oof! [Chain jangling.]
Uh-Oh.
[Stammering.]
Ah! Ow! Ah! Oh-Hoo! Huh? The dumplings! Ah! Oh, no, the whole place! Noooo! Ah! [Cogs grinding.]
Ah! [Wood creaking.]
Uh, i broke the training hall.
That'skind of impressive And awful.
I got to fix this before shifu finds out.
[Grunting.]
almost.
I've just got towant it.
Here we go now.
[Grunting[ feel the thunder.
Yeah, feel the thunder.
Oof! You! I hope you're happy, sticky dumpling.
This is all your fault! Oh, i can't stay mad at you.
[Gulps.]
[Gasps.]
what's this? They must have made the training hall.
That's shifu's mark, and that's taotie.
[Gasps.]
i'll get him to fix the hall! Hey, someone could trip over this.
[Rattling sound.]
[Sharp chinking sound.]
Ah! [Wire whipping.]
Whoa, that is so-- Huh? Sweet! Wasn't so [screaming.]
bad! [Loud thud.]
[Grunts.]
Whew.
[Dart whistles through air.]
Ah.
[Gasping.]
Taotie? - Dad, it's for you.
- What is the meaning of this? - Uh! Ow! Ow! Uh! Look, i didn't come to fight.
But if i did, just so you know, i'm sort of the dragon warrior.
You'd need more than a stick.
[Blades chinking.]
Yeah, that'd do it.
- [Whimpering nervously.]
Whoa, cool thingies.
- Care for a closer look? My own inventions.
- Nobody cares, dad.
- Ah, no, that's plenty close.
Look, i wouldn't bother you, but [chuckles nervously.]
someone needs your help.
- Who? - Shifu.
- Shifu seeks my assistance? - Uh, yeah.
He's like all, "get taotie.
He's the man.
" - That doesn't sound like shifu.
- He's got a little cold.
Anyway, the training hall you guys built, It's kind ofbroke.
- What? That equipment was built to last centuries.
What kind of addlepated lummox could've broken it? - No one knows.
But, uh, between you and me, I think it was that grasshopper-Lookin' guy.
- And shifu sent for me? - You could say that.
Or you could say that it would be great if you fixed the hall Without anyone ever finding out.
- Ah, now i understand.
- [Slurping.]
I'm gonna take a nap.
[Yawns.]
Wake me when you guys aren't lame.
- Please excuse my son, bian zao.
He's just learning the business.
- Lame! - So will you do it? Will you fix the training hall? - Anything for my old friend shifu.
- Who we're not gonna tell anything about this to.
- It'll be our secret.
- Oh, what a relief.
If you fix it, this will be awesome.
- Sounds great.
Could you stand on that "x" again? [Dart whistles through air.]
- Hmm? Hmm.
- This is too perfect, my son.
Escorted into the jade palace by the dragon warrior Right under that moron shifu's pointy nose? [Laughs.]
- I thought you said shifu is your friend.
- Was my friend.
Many years ago, shifu and i were at the jade palace together, But i was never as good as shifu.
We thought better training would do the trick, So we worked side by side building the training hall-- My finest achievement.
But while it helped shifu improve tremendously, I was still hopeless.
I wanted to make up for my lackings, So i devised ingenious mechanical contrivances To compensate for my weak spots.
I was so excited to show my mechanical improvements To oogway and shifu.
They looked at me with horror.
My machines had sullied the purity of kung fu.
Well, i have news for you: Kung fu is outdated and useless! Which machinery comes power.
Now this lumbering mountain of black-And-White pudding Will take me right in.
Once my machines and i are victorious, The villagers will see what true power is.
They'll turn their backs on kung fu And worship me like a god.
- I'm not going.
[Slurping.]
- Just come.
You'll have fun.
I will soon destroy all who once opposed me! [Cackling evilly.]
- [Chuckling slowly.]
[Chuckling.]
Ah.
So you guys ready to go? [Grunting.]
- Is this really necessary? - Yes, i told you.
- Ow! - Yikes.
Gah! Hey, you guys look great.
[Chuckles.]
been working out? - Uh, no, no one's been working out, Because the training hall's closed Till you finish cleaning it.
- Oh, yeah, right, and that's just what i'm gonna do With this, uh-- This crate of giant sponges.
So, uh, bye.
[Grunts.]
- Ow! - Okay, now, we don't have much time, so-- - Behold, my son, my greatest-- Wha-- The training hall! It's ruined! Oh, my creation, my beautiful creation.
Oh, it's okay.
I'm here now.
Oh, oh! What did you do to it? - See what i've been dealing with? - Look, i told you, i-- Look, we can go back and forth over who did what and okay, not so much with the back-And-Forth, But what's important is, can you fix it? - Of course, but for a job this big, I'm going to need special tools.
Do you have anything of infinite power In the shape of an orb that's made of jade? - No.
We do have the jade orb of infinite pow--Oh! Ah, but that's sacred, And it's only for huge emergencies.
- And what exactly would you call this? - Good point.
I'll be right back.
Just remember to stay out of sight.
- Soon the jade palace will be ours, my son.
- Neat.
- [Grunting.]
- Oh! - What are you doing? - Uh, what-- What are you doing? I mean, stop looking at my butt.
I--I'm sensitive about it.
- Oh, sorry, man.
- [Grunts.]
Uh, there you go.
Now, if we can just move things along in here, 'Cause we're kind of out of time.
- Certainly.
Just keep everyone out.
- Right.
I'm on it.
[Screams.]
- Jeez! - Mantis, uh, what are you doing? - [Sighs.]
Drowning my sorrows in a good workout.
- That's a terrible idea.
You know what you should do? Talk about it, like, somewhere else And not right here.
- [Sighs.]
I miss my girlfriend so much.
Everything i look at reminds me of her, Like that rock or that butterfly.
- Actually, that's her.
- I'm just getting my stuff.
- When does it stop, The hurting? - [Gasps.]
Tigress! Good talk, buddy.
I feel better.
Bye! Wha! - Oof! Get off of me.
What are you doing? - Heh, this is better than training On some dumb machine, right? Feel the burn.
- [Grunts.]
I am going in there.
- Why? Because you're scared of me? - I am scared of nothing.
- How about now? Grr! Or now? Huh! Or now? [Cackles wickedly.]
- I am not scared of you.
- Yes, you are, scaredy-Cat, scaredy-Cat, Scaredy-Ca-At! - Po! Po? - [Gasps.]
Shifu! Oh, uh, what's up, 'fu? I mean, shi'.
See how i did that backwards? [Chuckles nervously.]
'fu - i want to see how the training hall Is coming along.
- Uh, i want it to be a surprise.
- I don't like surprises.
- Really? Uh, because i'm doing some stuff with floor wax That will really blow your mind.
- What are you hiding from me, panda? - Uh, nothing.
What--What makes you think i'm hiding anything? - Ya! Thought i wouldn't find you, huh? - You're not sensitive about your butt.
- Giant sponges aren't heavy.
- You've been acting weird all day.
- Are you dating my girlfriend? - All right, you guys must be crazy, Because i don't know what you're talking about.
[Explosion.]
[Foreboding music.]
- What is that? - Thetraining hall.
- And who is that? - Hello, shifu, my old friend.
- Taotie! - How did this happen? How did he get in here? - Oh, it was quite simple, shifu.
Your dragon warrior showed us right in.
[Dramatic music.]
[Laughs loudly.]
- Yeah, about that i kind of got some sticky dumplings Stuck in the training machine, Which then went all, like, crash, boom, And then i found taotie to fix it, And he--Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah--Made that! - You're responsible for all of this? - No! Yes! But i--I thought you and taotie were friends.
- We were once, Until he abandoned kung fu when his heart turned dark.
- Ohwould have been good to know.
- [Growls.]
I'm very angry with you, panda, So angry, i can't even think of a punishment harsh enough.
[Loud thunk.]
That's good enough.
Everyone, positions.
- Huh! - Huh! - Yeah, we can do it.
We can take this thing down.
- Po, i gave you a broom, and this happened.
Do you think i'm going to let you fight? - Yeah.
Maybe you sit this one out.
- Haven't you done enough? - As the wise man say: Get the heck out! - But - we don't want your help.
- Look at that, shifu.
All your precious training running ayay.
You'll never see a machine do that.
- And you'll never see a machine do this.
- Oof.
Uh! - [Grunts.]
Hyah! [Panting.]
[Grunting.]
[Dishes rattling.]
- Oh, gah, this is torture.
I'm an idiot.
All this mess just because of some stupid dumplings.
- [Cackling loudly.]
[Blades chinking.]
- Oof! [Arrows whistling through air.]
- Uh! [Chain clanging.]
- Ahh! [Throwing stars chinking.]
- [Rattling.]
- [Grunting.]
Oof! Bad idea! [Throwing stars chinking.]
[Fire roaring.]
- [Gasps.]
Ah! - So, shifu, ready to admit that machinery is more powerful Than your old-Fashioned kung fu? - Machinery will never be more powerful, Because it has no heart.
- And soon neither will you.
- [Gasps.]
[Grunting.]
- [Laughing evilly.]
- Surrender, taotie.
- Ha! Your panda style is no match for my mechanical marvel.
- It is you who is no match for this.
- Dumplings? - Dumplings? - Sticky dumpling style.
[Arrows whistling through air.]
Huh! Ha! [Arrows pinging.]
[Suspenseful flute music.]
- Ooh! Ooh! Ha! Ooh! Ha! Huh! Huh! Huh! - [Cackles.]
[Chain jangling.]
[Chopsticks whistling through air.]
- [Sighs.]
Uh! [Grunting.]
[Growling.]
Ha! [Fire roaring.]
Whoo.
Come on, sticky dumplings, do your thing.
- [Cackles.]
[Cackles.]
- Hoo-Ah! Huh! Shifu! - Uh! - Uh-Oh.
[Grunting.]
- Thought you could beat me with dumplings? Ah! What's happening? Crank harder! - You crank harder.
- No! - You fellas want to come down and try your luck mano a mano Without hiding behind your machines? [Wood creaking.]
- Ah! [Loud crash.]
[Blades chinking.]
- Not really.
We'll be back for the palace someday, And then you'll see the awesome power Of my inventions and-- Wha-- Did you oil these blades like i asked you to? - Blades are stupid.
- Whoa! - Whoa! [Loud thud.]
- They're getting away! - Let them go, panda.
We'll send them the bill.
- Shifu, sorry for, uh-- - Everything? - Well, i don't know about everything, but a lot.
- Po, i must admit that you did a good job defending us, So good that i have one more job for the dragon warrior.
- Yeah? Bring it! [Whimpers.]
- Delicious.
- More sticky dumplings, mantis? - Oh, don't mind if i do.
- So you seem to be feeling better.
- I'm doing great.
- Good, because you know what? You were really too good for her.
I mean, nobody really liked her.
- Yeah we actually got back together.
- She's lovely.
Nice lady.
Best to you both.