Li'l Quinquin (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

1
- Hello.
- Captain.
Hello. Where's your coach?
That blond woman over there.
Hi, a word, please.
Hello.
I'm Captain der Weyden
from Boulogne.
I'm investigating a
I'm a little tongue-tied.
About Mrs. Lebleu
Yes?
So
notice anything unusual recently?
No, she always came to practice.
Yeah?
Nothing suspicious?
No.
She was the same as always.
- And Mr. Bhiril
- I'm sorry?
Mr. Bhiri
doesn't ring a bell either?
He's Aicha's father,
a girl in our group.
He has a daughter?
Of course.
Aicha, come say hello.
Aicha?
Say hi to the gentleman.
Say hello.
So Mrs. Lebleu knew her dad?
He brought her to practice,
Mrs. Lebleu was there as director.
We have to take our places now.
Come on, girls.
Carpentier!
They're jerking us around.
Obviously
Mrs. Lebleu and Mr. Bhiri
knew each other better than that.
Everyone's jerking us around, no?
Because
No one will say anything.
It's as plain as what is it?
The face on your nose that
Plus Aicha, Mr. Bhiri's daughter,
is a majorette, so
I'm positive they were lovers.
Yup.
Well, let's roll.
They're all looking at us!
Without law enforcement,
there'd be chaos.
No encores.
Once we're gone, tough luck.
Hi, Rogier.
The Devil's in our midst.
He's looking down at us.
Attention!
Eve!
Watch it!
Mr. Mayor. Nice ceremony.
I'm all for law enforcement!
- How'd it go?
- Great.
Any trouble?
No, perfect.
Let me introduce our local veterans.
Our contingent that
dwindles by the year.
I hope at some point
there'll be fresh troops,
to make new veterans
There'll always be war.
You can be sure
the young will start new ones.
Because the young will
I can see it coming.
A war in which region?
Dunno.
- Africa?
- No, all over.
All over?
Total war, then.
Not very comforting.
Goodbye, Mr. Mayor.
Alright.
See you next time.
Poor Rogier.
Is he a complete idiot?
What hogwash!
He doesn't know what war is.
He's no leader.
You need authority to lead.
Maybe he's unfit for duty.
That fatso's always on my case.
Maybe he's a fag.
So you know Mr. Lebleu?
- Mister?
- Lebleu.
I just saw you together.
He's more than a friend,
judging by your display.
Mr. Lebleu?
He's just a friend like I told you.
That's total bullshit.
- Not at all.
- It sure is.
Let's call my lawyer.
But there are people watching
Let's not make a scene, so
The Mayor's watching too.
What's this funny business?
Rogier, what in
darnation are you doing?
On Bastille Day?
With our majorette?
She's coming with me.
I won't spoil your holiday.
Thank you.
Did you question him?
No, I was waiting for you.
Mr. Lebleu, you can go.
We'll talk later.
I won't bother you today.
I don't get it, Capt'n.
Why let him go?
- Why?
- Yes.
It's Bastille Day.
Plus, it's sacred.
Always has been, always will be.
Sacred is sacred.
Bastille Day is sacred.
And it's mystical, too.
Let's roll!
Get on.
Hold on tight.
We're going to the bunker.
Alright?
Eve!
Coming, Li'l Quinquin!
You playing funeral music?
Sad, ain't it?
I wonder how the cow ended up here.
And how the lady ended up inside it.
Look what I found.
There are tons over there.
Hold me.
Come, my love.
Go give the firemen a hand!
What kind of dimwit
parks on the beach?
Get lost!
How can you be so stupid?
Wasting taxpayers' money!
Carpentier!
Hello, sir.
Do you own this vehicle?
It's completely submerged.
I was mussel hunting
and the tide snuck up on me.
You wanna be on TV?
The firemen have it under control.
Are you a fireman?
Then let's roll,
we've got work to do.
Try working for a change.
Look, it's my favorite bunker.
It's marvellous.
Truly extraordinary.
I'm going exploring.
The bunker collapsed, but
I found a tunnel
where I'd never been.
Well, I'm going.
Wait for me, OK?
Don't leave without me.
Li'l Quinquin!
Hey there!
How'd you get over there?
I found a secret passageway.
This bunker's connected
to the other one.
It was so dark I couldn't see.
Wait, do you realize?
There.
Maybe the cow
it probably came this way.
It didn't fall from the sky.
See?
Let's split.
Why? You scared?
The Devil lives here.
Do I look OK?
Well, here I go.
I've just arrived on this farm
in a peaceful seaside town,
where heinous crimes
have been committed, many crimes.
Two corpses turned up on the beach,
the bodies dismembered.
No!
One was near the bunker!
The mood here is one of total shock.
It's a little town where
This is a big town!
where not much happens.
So after the first two corpses,
a third corpse
is about to be announced.
It was found on this farm.
Residents are still
in a state of shock
following these awful crimes.
I think we have a local here
who can tell us more.
Hello, Jean-Michel.
Can you tell us how
the population is reacting
to these mysterious
and somewhat terrifying crimes?
I dunno.
You don't know?
What about you, Michel?
What's your reaction?
I can't say.
Folks don't know.
But, Michel, how do you feel
about these awful crimes?
You have to ask the owners.
Then you have to ask
the townsfolk.
Thanks, Jean-Michel.
Behind me the police
and CSI unit are hard at work.
That's the last straw.
Hey, Carpentier?
A herd of frenzied reporters.
Like dung flies.
Look at me.
I better fix my hair first.
It's fine.
Yeah, you look good.
Good. Let's go.
Excuse me, Capt'n?
What's the latest?
What did you find
on this little farm?
We found a corpse.
According to the medical examiner,
it's Mr. Lebleu, the farm's owner.
What state was the body in?
I can't comment at this stage.
We found his wife a week ago.
For now the tests are ongoing,
so we can't
We can't comment.
We're still doing tests so sorry.
What's the status of the case,
now that a third body
has been found brutally murdered?
That's all for today.
The camera! Watch out!
Stand back!
The dung flies
are afraid of moo-cows!
See how dumb they are?
Let's roll.
See, Carpentier?
You thought this man
murdered his wife and her lover.
Odd, finding him in his slurry tank.
Suicide, maybe.
You kidding me? In a slurry tank?
It's a murder.
I don't need lab work to know that.
But you always say
to wait for lab results.
Lab results are the rule.
And rules are rules.
You're a good cop, Carpentier.
You'll end up with my job.
I'll even give it to you.
I know a woman
who's sure to know something.
Let's roll.
What are all these dung flies
doing in the car?
Let's try the parade moves again.
Begin with two twirls like this
3, 4
1
2
Everyone got it?
One more time.
3, 4
And now with music
One more time.
So the next one is
With your left hand.
The same thing with the right.
Above your head,
back, right, front,
to the side
Mrs. Campin?
and turn.
Mrs. Campin,
we have to finish our little chat.
You know my name?
Yes, I saw you yesterday
with Mr. Lebleu.
What a horrific crime.
Were you two an item?
Isn't that obvious?
What's it to you?
A police investigation is underway
People are dead and all that.
Were you together yesterday?
You saw us, didn't you?
What'd you do after?
I was at home with my husband.
Here he is now.
See you next week, girls.
How could she fall for a farmer?
When she's got
such a handsome biker.
You know what they say:
Big chopper, little pecker.
He could've put
his wife's lover in a slurry tank, no?
Whaddya think?
- Sir?
- Yeah, what?
Young lady
What is it?
A little girl interested
in police work. Good!
What do you want to know?
Li'l Quinquin found
a tunnel yesterday.
And there he is.
Future citizens of France! Good.
Let's go see.
"Quinquin, my l'il chick
My big ol' raisin"
So what'd you find?
The tunnel to the other bunker,
where the dead cow was found.
You found the entrance?
Well, take us there.
Let's roll, Carpentier.
Show us the secret passageway.
You go first.
So the cow came this way?
Beats me.
You know that
you got no business
being in a bunker.
Fine.
It's against the law.
Don't do it again
Over here, sir.
You hit the jackpot.
You stepped in dung, sir.
- In what?
- Cow dung.
Gosh darnit! It's shit!
It did come this way, by George!
Good afternoon, sir.
Hello.
I'm bringing back your kid
and a little girl.
Good work, champ.
Well, I'll be back.
Nice farm you got here.
Yes.
And a great view to boot.
Who's that walking over there?
My brother.
Your brother?
Well, I'll be going now.
Mr what was it?
Mr. Lebleu.
Mr. Lebleu?
That's odd.
Are those your kin
at the farm down below?
No?
Yes.
That's good to know.
Li'l Quinquin, I learned
something coming out here.
Good work.
Thanks to you
we learned stuff today.
Secret tunnel in the bunker
That's great.
It's a good lead.
Mr. Lebleu, be careful.
Your cousin is dead, after all.
So
We'll probably meet again. OK?
Because there've been deaths.
We'll meet again.
Get over here.
Why'd you bring them here?
It wasn't me. Eve snitched.
What'd she say?
That I found a secret tunnel
between the two bunkers.
What were you doing
in them bunkers?
You know it's not allowed!
That's twice they've shown up.
It's that tub of lard.
He's always on my case.
Well, you make trouble!
- No.
- Yes, you do!
They even brought the bike.
Yeah, but if Eve snitches,
I have to show them.
You're grounded!
Got it?
He was your cousin!
You could've told me.
We don't see them anymore.
Come on, Dany.
Did you get in trouble?
What do you think?
It's his cousin who got killed.
Your father's cousin?
Yeah.
See this, Carpentier?
A fine machine like this.
It makes me think
of a fine animal, too.
A human being, maybe, or better
A woman's body!
That'd be even better!
Capt'n? The Lebleus
They're not cousins, but brothers.
What? They're brothers?
That fella lied to me.
He didn't lie.
It was you who brought up his cousin.
He didn't say anything.
But he's still a smartass.
So it's time to
solve this case, Carpentier
Nobody's home?
Go see. Ring the doorbell.
OK, I'll try again.
But there's no answer.
A gunshot will wake them.
Well? Ring again!
Nobody's home at this time.
Let's roll, then.
What's all the ringing?
What's the matter?
Didn't we see each other
this morning?
Did we wake you up?
Yeah, I'm a night owl.
Sorry, but
Your husband's out?
He's at work. Why?
I didn't finish
my questions this morning.
Not in front of him, thank you.
Did your husband know
about you and Mr. Lebleu?
Where's your wife?
Don't start again, Mrs. Campin.
Sheriff"s Dept.
Do you want to go to jail?
My husband knew nothing.
When did you start seeing Mr. Lebleu?
3 months ago.
Where were you last night?
At work. No mystery there.
I'm very tired and upset.
I'd like to go back to bed.
We'll leave you,
but you may be asked
to cooperate, OK?
I'll cooperate.
Handsome woman.
She impresses you, Capt'n?
Like that chopper impresses me.
But she
I've never met such a tough cookie!
I mean, she's tough.
Yeah.
We shouldn't fool ourselves.
Maybe she killed
the whole darn lot of them
- You think?
- Yes.
Let's roll, Carpentier!
Your show was awesome
the other day.
That's sweet.
I'm being serious!
You do little shows,
but you could do big ones.
You really have a voice.
What's your name?
Mohamed, like the Prophet.
Hey, Aur駘ie.
Hi, Jennifer.
Are you free tonight?
- Is he your boyfriend?
- No.
Who are you?
Mind your business.
I'm allowed to ask who you are.
Did I ask you? No?
So shut up.
Don't sass me.
I'm not your girlfriend.
Good, I'm glad!
So am I because, frankly,
dating a dirty nigger like you?
No thanks!
Well, this nigger says
you're a big fat whore!
Well, the whore says
go back to Africa, monkey!
Allahu Akbar!
Piece of shit!
Allahu Akbar
Look, it's your sister!
- Stop it!
- Very funny.
Stop it!
Allahu Akbar
Drift off there, Carpentier?
It was you who drifted off.
No, I was thinking.
The sea makes my head spin.
Well, it helps me think.
Whatever, it's only water.
If you're so smart,
why haven't you found
whoever killed all those people?
I don't know, Capt'n.
I really don't.
But what I do know
is how deep evil is.
And how vast.
Go take a dip.
You'll see things even clearer.
I have a philosopher with me now.
Horseshit!
When it's time, it's time.
Captain Van der Weyden.
Wait there, Carpentier.
Please, Captain.
Make yourself comfortable.
- You OK?
- Yes, Mr. Prosecutor.
- Everything alright?
- Yeah.
Weather's nice. No complaints.
Yes, nice day.
Very pretty.
Nice view. Stupendous.
Plus
the English coast's visible,
so sunshine is guaranteed.
The English coast?
Off in the distance.
All that's the English coast?
Yup, no problem.
Everything I see there?
That's the English coast?
I thought it was the Opal Coast.
No, we're not surprised.
That's just how it is.
Very impressive.
Never seen anything like it.
"English shores, it never pours!"
- So it'll be sunny.
- Really?
There's another proverb:
"Morning sun brings rain."
Not in my parts. News to me.
So when it rains,
there'll be bad weather later.
No way! That's your proverb?
Yes, that too.
If it rains? But it's not raining.
Morning rain,
and the whole day's screwed.
I just learned something.
When it's sunny,
how do you explain that?
No, it's just sunny.
We see the English coast!
I had to come here to learn
your local proverbs.
Still, let's get down
to business, Captain.
I saw your pretty face on TV
Back to business, Captain,
I saw your
What'll it be?
Nothing for me. I don't drink.
Enjoy!
Van der Weyden, Captain,
let's get down to business
We've been seeing
a lot of you on TV.
I don't have a set
How's the case going?
We've got 3 related victims
They're so closely related,
2 of them are chopped meat.
There's the wife,
the husband, the lover
And the lover's dead.
So all 3 are dead.
So he's not around
to kill the others
so we're sitting pretty.
Sitting pretty?
3 murders and no arrests?
The killer's still at large.
I want results, Captain.
This is serious.
We're seriously investigating, so
Depends on your definition
of "serious."
Yes, but
- I want results.
- No problem.
3 unsolved murders.
What about the cows?
They ate chopped-up human being.
So it's mad cow disease.
There's that, too!
We found one in a bunker
but how'd it get there?
We found a secret tunnel.
A second cow on the beach
And the husband in all this?
The husband
we know he had a mistress.
If not the cuckold,
maybe his brother.
I'd like to get back
to business, please.
Captain! Van der Weyden?
I want results.
We have 3 bodies,
there've been no arrests.
Time to get cracking.
We're counting on you,
on your professionalism,
if it's not too much to ask.
Well, I'm off.
I'll see you soon.
Enjoy, gentlemen.
You, too.
Captain?
Yes, Mr. Prosecutor?
We'll stay in touch.
And this time, don't make waves.
Anyway,
I can't stand the media,
the cameras and all that.
They're dung flies, I say.
Captain. No dung, no flies.
Yeah, but
So, Capt'n?
Good debrief?
No flies, no dung, Carpentier!
From now on,
we keep our mouths shut.
Let's roll, Carpentier.
Goodbye, Mr. Prosecutor!
How can you bring
a kid like that to a restaurant?
If you had a kid like that,
what would you do?
I wouldn't have a kid like that.
That's harsh.
It might be harsh, but, no
- Well
- Really!
I'm sorry I said it,
but we're all hypocrites.
Let's go.
Need a hand, folks?
Maybe I can help?
See, all patched-up.
The SWAT team?
Yeah
We're on our way.
To the Bhiri place, quick!
He's shooting anything that moves!