Little America (2020) s01e03 Episode Script

[MAN.]
Good luck, son.
[WESTERN THEME PLAYS.]
[HORSE WHINNIES.]
- [GOAT BLEATS.]
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[MAN.]
Remember, Cavanaugh? Fifteen years ago at the Meceita ranch? [IN IGBO.]
Sugar rots the teeth.
[IN IGBO.]
Take this, Iwegbuna.
[MAN.]
But you forgot one thing.
To kill me.
Get up! [AUDIENCE MURMURING.]
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING.]
Oh! Oh! [ALL MUTTERING.]
[PROJECTIONIST, IN IGBO.]
No more picture.
Go home! [ALL CHATTERING.]
[IN IGBO.]
We'll catch another movie next month.
Hmm? Your mother wants us back at the shop soon anyhow.
[SPEAKING IGBO.]
Chioke.
[IN IGBO.]
Careful, my little cowboys.
This is a big horse.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[ENGINE REVS.]
shot and Sam Shott was not.
So, it is better to be Shott than Nott.
[AFROBEAT: MAN SINGING, INDISTINCT.]
[AFROBEAT CONTINUES.]
[AFROBEAT CONTINUES.]
Excuse me, is that seat taken? No.
And it is a shame.
This is the second-best seat in the room.
There's almost no glare from the lights on the board.
The best seat, of course, is mine.
We can rotate.
Would you just mind moving? 'Cause we're all in a study group.
Ah.
Sure.
Mr.
Ah-Kee-Gee, is there any reason you're standing? Yes? Can you extinguish your cigarette? It's public space and the smoke is not that pleasant.
[STUDENTS MURMURING.]
Again, my sincere apologies for last week.
As all of you know, Ms.
Jones is having some personal issues.
So, we will be hiring a new TA.
Anybody interested, come see me after class.
An exciting opportunity.
How much does it pay? - Again, see me after class.
- [STUDENTS CHUCKLING.]
Kenneth Arrow's theorem of welfare economics.
What do we think? [STUDENTS CHATTERING.]
My mail finally came.
I hope there's good news in your box, too.
Sure.
[CHUCKLES.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING, LAUGHING ON TAPE.]
[SIGHS.]
[MAN, IN IGBO.]
Brother! I am rounding everyone up to come talk to you.
How are you? [IN IGBO.]
Fine.
Fine.
Tell me the truth.
I am surviving.
You're the first Ikeji to touch America.
Must be lonely.
But remember the plan.
[IN UNISON.]
Go to school.
[IN UNISON.]
Get a degree.
[IN UNISON.]
Come back home.
Aha.
[IN IGBO.]
You'll soon be back here where you belong.
Running Dad's shop beside me.
He's smiling at us from heaven.
- [IN IGBO.]
Iwegbuna! Hello! - [GIRL LAUGHING.]
Hey! [SHUSHES.]
[IN IGBO.]
Gramma's talking.
[IN IGBO.]
Mma, you don't have to dress up in order to send a tape.
[IN IGBO.]
Ah, I will dress for my son.
Ah! I sent you some cloth I wove! - It's been selling out in the store.
- [GIRL LAUGHING.]
Mm-hmm.
Know that God is keeping us well.
There has been some fighting between soldiers and the president, but it doesn't sound too bad.
[CHUCKLES.]
I want to see you.
Ehh? Save up faster so you can come home.
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
- Ehh! Move away from the recorder now.
- I'm talking with - [TAPE FLUTTERING.]
Some say Nott was not shot.
But Shott says he shot Nott.
Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot.
[TEACHER CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Good.
Good.
Remember, the goal is one sound.
On to today's extemporaneous speech, "What I Did This Weekend".
Leith.
[THICK SCOTTISH ACCENT.]
I buried me dog.
Funeral an' all 'cause of me gal.
A nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse on that one, if you ask me.
Okay.
[CLAPPING.]
What an improvement.
[SOFTLY.]
I lost my car in a parking lot.
[SOFTLY.]
Okay.
My mother dresses up even though I cannot see her.
My nieces and nephews are out of control.
My brother is worried that I am lonely and suggested that I visit my Nigerian friends in Tulsa soon.
- We are going to do - [STAMMERING.]
O-O Okay.
Remember, we were supposed to talk about our life here, not Nigeria, what we did this weekend.
Yes, that is what I am doing.
Oh, I'm a little confused.
But why are you only confused with me? My elocution is fine.
I don't have Karolina's whisper-whisper problem, and my accent is not as thick as Leith's.
Haud yer wheesht.
Okay.
Remember, we talked about not alienating our "audience", right, by pointing out their personal challenges.
But wasn't everything I said true? No, I think people perhaps are more forthright in Nigeria.
Good afternoon, Professor Robbins.
I filled my TA application weeks ago.
When do we hear? The application window hasn't closed yet.
I see.
Well, to refresh your memory, I'm the best in class.
I have the most need, and the money will help me to get back home this summer.
I'm trying to hire a student who can teach in my stead.
- That is me.
- You're also extremely pushy.
How am I pushy? Well, take for example how you're going about trying to get this job.
Look, the truth is, you make people a little uncomfortable.
And for someone who wants to join the faculty, you don't seem to try very hard to fit in.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
So, I says to him, "Sure, you can keep your job.
Long as I keep the paycheck".
[BELL TINKLING.]
Can I help you with sumpin'? This is a wonderful place.
Thank ya.
You know your hat size? I do not.
But I would like to.
[AFROBEAT: MAN SINGING IN AFRICAN LANGUAGE.]
[STOREKEEPER MURMURS.]
- What you said this was for again? - To wear.
Well, right, but to wear to where? Well, every one's for something different, see? That's a ten-gallon.
The Cattleman.
Gus.
Cutter, Brick, Gambler.
What you looking for? I want the hat that is strongest.
[MAN.]
Now, that's the one.
- That's the one.
- [CHUCKLES.]
This is the price? Well, that's a steal right there.
Who pays this amount for anything? My pop gave me this hat on my 18th birthday, 50 years ago.
These ain't baseball caps, you understand? These are investments.
Pick the right one and you'll have a partner for life.
[CASH REGISTER BEEPS, WHIRS.]
What's your shoe size? You gonna need a pair of boots.
No, I don't have any more money.
Well, I didn't ask you about money.
I know it don't look like it now, but I understand.
I been there.
Vern, why don't you give him them pair a boots I brought in here and left last week.
Might be a bit big on ya.
They'll chafe them heels like crazy.
But if you soak 'em in a tub of water, they'll draw up.
You are too kind.
And don't worry, boots cannot hurt me.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
[AFROBEAT: WOMEN VOCALIZING.]
[CHATTERING.]
[WOMAN.]
Hello.
[GRUNTS.]
[SPEAKING IGBO.]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TAPE.]
[IN IGBO.]
Iwegbuna.
I had to tape this immediately! It is too funny.
Your cousin Eno's wedding is in three days and I wanted to cook.
Your brother bought me a live goat for stew.
Mmm? Hmm.
But this goat is too smart.
It does not want to die.
- It ran away from him into the house - [GOAT BLEATING.]
- [IWEGBUNA LAUGHING.]
- It's in here, Chioke! [CHIOKE SPEAKING IGBO.]
[IN IGBO.]
I'm telling you! Your brother is a herdsman! [CHUCKLES.]
- [CHIOKE, IN IGBO.]
Bad goat! - [MMA UDEH SIGHS.]
[IN IGBO.]
Nothing you're doing over there is as crazy as what is happening here.
Mama.
I need some help.
No, not me.
I'm too old for goat games.
- [CHIOKE CLICKS TONGUE.]
- [IWEGBUNA LAUGHING.]
Ah! My son.
Listen to me.
I want you to experience something there before you return home.
- Hmm? - [IN IGBO.]
Yes, Mma.
["DON'T BE CRUEL" PLAYS.]
Oh, excuse me, sir.
Mr.
Ah-Kee-Gee.
Why don't you, um find a seat and we'll, uh, get started.
[PROFESSOR CLEARS THROAT.]
So, picking up on the discussion of advanced industrial development as it relates to the stabilization of exchange rates.
- [COW MOOS.]
- [COWBOY SHOUTS.]
- [COWBOY.]
Hyah! Hyah! - [SONG CONTINUES.]
[COWBOY SHOUTING.]
- Whoo! - [CATTLE BELLOWING.]
Move, cow.
Move, cow.
[HORSE WHINNIES.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back out.
Aw, shit.
- Hey, what are you doing? - [HORSE WHINNYING.]
- I'll help you.
- You're gonna hurt your damn self.
Watch out.
All right, stay back now.
Stay back.
Settle.
That wasn't quite what I was looking for.
While you're here, give me a hand.
Come on, son.
Grab her backside.
Easy, easy.
You wanna help? Come on, give me a hand.
You gotta get a hold of it, son.
All right.
Now, dig them pretty boots of yours into the ground like they're tree stumps.
Dig them boots in.
Good.
Good.
Now, settle.
Just be here with her.
That's good.
All right, you can let her go.
All right, girl.
Go ahead.
Nice job, greenhorn.
Get that gate.
[HORSE WHINNIES.]
- [BACKGROUND: COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [BAR PATRONS CHATTERING.]
Orange soda, please.
Put that on my tab.
That's a big toothpick.
Where you get something like that? Nigeria.
Aw, shucks.
You don't have to.
First year in a pair of new boots is always a doozy.
Pretty soon you won't remember how you ever got along without 'em.
Those there will last you a lifetime.
[MAN.]
Three pitches.
Three strikes.
Three outs.
Only in America can such a perfect game exist.
Baseball.
Only in America do you add tax after you see the ticket price.
Only here do you [SOFTLY.]
smile but you don't mean it.
- Karolina, such progress.
- [GROUP CLAPPING, EXCLAIMING.]
[KAROLINA.]
Thank you.
Here is something only in America.
Hamburgers.
Cheeseburgers.
Bacon cheeseburgers.
- Chili cheeseburgers.
- [GROUP CHUCKLES.]
Bacon chili cheeseburgers.
Why? Why do this? Have other food on your plate if you must.
Have your bread, your tomato.
But why wet lettuce? Why put cheese? Then bacon? A pig, too? This stacking everything on top of everything, it's a sickness.
- What do you even taste? - [GROUP LAUGHING.]
You taste the wet ketchup.
The wet mustard.
The wet onions.
The wet pickles.
The wettest, most wet secret sauce.
When God made the meats, do you think God said to Adam, "This must have the sauce"? Why even have the cow? You will not notice if I let it run free.
You will still say, "What a delicious hamburger.
Very wet".
This is something only in America.
Bravo.
["I'M A RAMBLIN' MAN" PLAYS.]
- I was just dancing.
- Jackson Six.
- [WOMEN LAUGHING.]
- Brothers.
Sisters.
It's so nice to see my old friends again.
My legs fell asleep from four hours of driving, but I made it.
- [EXCLAIMING.]
- [WOMAN.]
Hey, hey, hey! Iwegbuna! The African Howdy Doody has arrived.
Brother, I knew you are lonely, but come see us more instead of this, huh? We can pitch in for gas or drive to you.
I was lonely, but it is getting better.
- Victor, is there any more fufu left? - Of course.
I have traveled all the way to Tulsa so I can eat real food.
Don't get too excited.
It's made from Bisquick.
I call it "Okie fufu".
Ehh-ehh-ehh.
Iwegbuna, you're changing the subject.
Why are you dressed like that? - Yes.
- You and your cowboy fetish.
[WOMAN.]
Mr.
Pony Express.
Just as the Igbo man understands the importance of home [MAN.]
Here we go.
so does a cowboy.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
We respect women and children.
We walk with confidence even though our country spat on us.
That's right.
What are we if not cowboy? [MAN 2.]
Whew! Fire! - [WOMAN.]
Mmm! - [SNAPS FINGERS.]
I watched Westerns with my father before he died.
- Yeah.
- He was a cowboy, too.
- Ah.
- [ALL SPEAKING IGBO.]
Yeah! - [TOASTS IN IGBO.]
- Yeah! [EXCLAIMING.]
And to our host and the pounder of Okie fufu.
- Ah.
- Thank you, Victor.
- You're welcome, you're welcome.
- [GROUP CHUCKLES.]
- [WOMAN.]
Yeah.
You try it.
- I am so happy for this, but I cannot wait until I get home and eat some of my mother's yam and egusi.
[IWEGBUNA CHUCKLES.]
Iwegbuna.
When was the last time you heard from your family? It's been a while.
The mail service in Nigeria has been terrible.
Why? I had to cancel my plans to go home this summer.
[WOMAN.]
I did as well.
Things are getting bad again.
Why all this fear? The country has survived the civil war.
What more can happen? [IN IGBO.]
You are too smart to be this naive.
People are so scared right now, they are moving all their money out of Nigerian banks.
If I were you, I'd call home.
[LINE RINGS.]
[WOMAN.]
Operator.
- Operator? - Yes? Yes.
- International, please.
- What country? - Nigeria, Abiriba.
- What's the number? Just page me to their call center.
I need to leave a message.
- Do you accept the charges? - Yes.
I'll accept the charges.
Please hold.
[LINE RINGS.]
[LINE BEEPING.]
[PHONE RINGS.]
Iwegbuna.
Chioke! [IN IGBO.]
Chioke! Speak up! You know the line is bad.
- [CROWD MURMURING.]
- [IN IGBO.]
Brother, it's so good to hear your voice.
I wish I could see your face.
[IN IGBO.]
What is happening? [IN IGBO.]
Listen.
There's talk of a military takeover! You hear me? [IN IGBO.]
What are they doing now? [IN IGBO.]
No one knows.
We are fine.
We're packing up the business just in case they try to take everything.
[IN IGBO.]
What? I should come home.
[IN IGBO.]
Tell him no.
[IN IGBO.]
How long now? Wrap it up.
[IN IGBO.]
I have just enough for a one-way.
- I am coming home.
- [IN IGBO.]
No! - But the plan was - No, no, no! Plans change! There's no way to build anything in Nigeria right now.
You are over there.
Make something of yourself where you can.
That's how you will help us.
Hello? - [DISCONNECT TONE.]
So, tell me, Mr.
Ah-Kee-Gee why are you the best candidate for this position? I don't know.
Maybe I'm not.
I don't even know if I need this job anymore.
Really? I mean, you've been harassing me about this for weeks.
What gives, Mr.
Ah-Kee-Gee? "Ikeji".
Not "Ah-Kee-Gee".
Mr.
Ikeji.
I needed this job so I could save money to visit home.
My country has collapsed, and I will not be going back for the foreseeable future.
Well, Mr.
Ikeji, Nigeria has oil, so the economy will bounce back No.
When the oil came, it made us feel rich.
But it was just the beginning of Dutch disease.
Well, I'm not sure the Corden-Neary model really applies in this instance, but I It does.
Nigeria basically functions as a single-product economy.
Oil was discovered, the value of the currency spiked, but the broader economy stopped growing.
Now it is extreme poverty and widespread corruption.
Now my country has been overthrown by the military.
I did read about that.
I'm I'm sorry.
But I must say Mr.
Ikeji, the notion of Corden-Neary in West Africa is fascinating.
The model is a great predictor of destabilization in developing countries.
Hmm.
[CATTLE LOWING.]
Hello? [IN IGBO.]
Family! Chioke, how are you? Mma, I hope you're still dressing up for me.
[IN IGBO.]
We can't even trust what the newspaper tells us anymore.
Ehh! [IN IGBO.]
Stop looking at that, ehh? Come listen to your brother's tape.
Ehh.
[IN IGBO.]
I have been wanting to send you something to cheer us all up.
Some goodgood, sweetsweet news.
Your pride and joy, Iwegbuna Ikeji, has landed a job.
[EXCLAIMING.]
I am a teacher's assistant to Professor Robbins in the graduate economics department.
And next semester, I will lead a course on understanding economies of developing nation-states.
Hey! - [MMA UDEH EXCLAIMS.]
- [CHIOKE.]
Wow.
Chioke, you know I've rediscovered something? - Mm-hmm.
- Cowboys.
Cowboys are real.
I've seen them.
In fact, I'm watching them now while talking to you.
I want to see them myself.
I wish I could.
- [IWEGBUNA CHUCKLES.]
- [HORSE BLUSTERS.]
One day, I will fly you all here so you can meet them.
It's a hard life for cowboys, but they survive it, just like us.
Chioke.
The business may be gone, but your brilliant mind will come up with another plan.
Don't worry too much.
I'll be fine here.
I promise.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm going to let the tape record to the end.
So you can hear the cows.
- Mmm.
- [CHIOKE.]
Hmm.
[COW LOWS.]
[LOWING.]
But I think you can go deeper into capital flow.
They say "follow the money", right? - Thanks.
- Keep up the good work.
[STUDENTS CHATTERING.]
Mr.
Ikeji.
Is everything okay? There's a department custom to hand-deliver the first paycheck to new faculty.
We're happy to have you.
My advice: spend that on something special.
[NIGERIAN FOLK: WOMEN VOCALIZING, SINGING.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[ENGINE REVS.]
[SONG CONTINUES.]
[SONG CONTINUES.]