Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman s01e03 Episode Script

Adopted kids looking for their birth parents, if you must know.
Search for "roots," "emotional roller coaster" "unrealistic expectations," "tearjerker reconciliations.
" - Quick study.
- Not really.
I did it three years ago.
There are no old stories, Lois, just new angles.
If your real parents don't care enough to raise you why give it a second thought? Because if they gave you away, they must've had a reason.
And it's that not knowing that kills you.
Good.
You stick to the touchy-feely stuff, I'll take Superman.
Smooth outfit, Lois.
New? What do you want, Olsen? Well, I was just thinking since your kid sister's new in town maybe she'd like somebody to, you know, show her around.
You want to ask Lucy out? Do I have a shot? I need a complete financial statement, and the results of a recent physical.
Okay.
Jimmy, I'm kidding.
You don't think she'll laugh in my face? Use the telephone.
I have a warrant issued by federal court.
Everyone step back from your desk.
What's going on? Nobody comes busting into my newsroom like this.
Take it up with Washington.
"Order to produce evidence, compel testimony.
" Lois Lane.
Clark Kent? Wait a minute.
Get your hands off of me! Put it away! It's just a reporter.
"Reporter"? As in "protected by the Constitution"? Lmpressive document, the Constitution.
It enables the courts to issue warrants, like this one which says: "I get what I want.
" What exactly is that? Mr.
Kent, I presume? - That's right.
- I want Superman.
And I'm not leaving here until you tell me where I can find him.
Do they think if we knew where Superman was we'd be hanging around this place? No.
Wait, just a minute.
I don't agree with you.
Okay, kids.
Here's the deal.
They want the two of you to take a polygraph test.
What? National security concerns about Superman.
A lie detector? I told them to stuff it.
Not my two reporters.
- That's right.
- Good for you.
I told them if they're so determined to take your computers and your notes to just get on with it, and get the hell out of my office so I can sue them to the next century.
- Take my computer? - You talk, they walk.
You don't, they're gonna confiscate the whole shebang.
Everything I've ever done or thought about doing is on that computer.
All my notes, my contacts.
- My novel.
- Novel? Don't you backup onto floppy disks? No time to discuss your compulsive behavior.
All right.
What's it gonna be, folks? Now, I'm with you either way.
What about the First Amendment, Lois? To them, the First Amendment is a pesky little detail.
I can't do We can't do this.
If we knew anything, I'd agree.
But this is like taking a polygraph about the ring-tailed lemur.
Now see, she's right.
I mean, we don't know enough about Superman to lie.
Kent? Do you know something that you haven't told us? You will answer "yes" to these first two questions.
We use this to calibrate the machine.
Is your name Lois Lane? That is what my byline says.
Yes.
Are you also President of the United States? Yes.
Do you have any reason to believe Superman is an agent of a foreign power? Yeah.
And leprechauns are agents of the IRA.
Is Superman from another planet? If something looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck chances are pretty good it is a duck.
He looks like a man to me.
During the time you both were alone did Superman discuss his mission on Earth? Mission? We flew, we didn't talk.
We didn't have to.
Nonverbal communication.
Does Superman have any telepathic powers? I hope not.
Do you have a romantic attachment to Superman? Yes or no? No.
You will answer "yes" to these first two questions.
We use this to calibrate the machine.
- Is your name Clark Kent? - Yes.
Are you also Superman? Yes.
Why isn't this reading as a lie? Either the machine is broken again or this reporter is so mild-mannered he hasn't got a pulse.
Ask him again.
Remember to answer "yes" now.
Are you Superman? Yes.
Working.
Well, Mr.
Kent, we'll proceed.
- Have you ever met Superman? - Met him? I've seen him in action, if that's what you mean.
I've never actually sat down and had a conversation with him.
I guess you could say I've met him.
- Is he from this Earth? - I don't know.
Can you take us to Superman right now? - Take you? - Can you contact Superman? You mean by telephone or By any means possible.
Telepathy, for example.
Can you contact Superman? No.
Perimeter's been penetrated.
You know, Mr.
Kent, I really don't need a polygraph to tell me I've been lied to.
I can see it in the eyes.
We're not finished.
Let's go! - Got it.
- Move.
What's going on with you people? I want an explanation for this! Chief, it is horrible the way they are treating us.
See that agent over there? He frisked me twice.
Biederman, let's get legal on this right away.
Lane, you and Kent type up your notes, give them to Valdez.
She's gonna be writing this.
What do you mean "our" notes? This is my story.
- Our story.
- Seniority.
Right now, you two are the story.
In case those goons come back with a subpoena I want you out of here ASAP.
Let's get back to it! - I guess I can work at home then.
- Home? Anywhere but home.
Don't go anywhere they can serve you.
Wear your beepers.
We'll be in touch.
Since you're now a man in hiding I think this would be the perfect night to have dinner at my place.
You and me? Unless you think we need a chaperon.
I'm gonna change into something more comfortable.
Farm boy moves to the big city.
He's looking for a little piece of home.
That's just what he's gonna get.
I think a Pinot Noir would be nice.
I have one chilling.
You've got quite a library.
- I do read.
- I know you do.
Maybe your place is just different than I expected.
You haven't seen the bedroom.
Clark, relax.
I may never even show it to you.
- You're full of surprises.
- You have no idea.
I'm not here.
I'm not staying.
If anybody calls, tell them I was never here.
Don't even admit that I live here.
If someone knocks at the door, don't open it unless you're sure you know who it is.
Don't sign anything, don't accept any deliveries.
I don't know where I'm going.
Don't call me.
I'll call you.
You got all this? It's a man thing, right? Lois, chill.
You're not here.
You don't exist.
- I don't know you.
We never met.
- Well, that's good.
Hello? It's some southern guy with a real attitude.
He says turn on your beeper or you're fired.
Hi, Perry.
So, what made you get into the gossip business? Clark, we're all in the gossip business.
Yeah, but - You get paid for it.
- I get the best stuff.
You wouldn't believe some of the secrets people carry around with them.
You have any secrets, Clark? Must be the office.
May I? Thanks.
This is Kent.
Kent, there's been a new development.
I'm sending Jimmy with a van to pick you up.
I'll grab a taxi.
Where are you, anyway? My God.
Sounds like jungle drums.
Just a sec.
Clark, quit playing games.
Where are you? Lois, Clark is busy right now.
Why don't you give him a few minutes to freshen up first? Well, look what the cat dragged in.
You've got the wrong idea, Lois.
Cat Grant's bedroom has more comings and goings than Metro Station.
You're just another commuter.
Just tell me what's going on.
- What's going on is the warrant's phony.
- Phony? Phony as a lock of Elvis's hair from a Memphis souvenir shop.
Look at this.
Our lawyers contacted the Justice Department, FBI, State, CIA.
Heck, they even called the Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms people.
Nada.
Nobody in Washington wants to claim those boys.
So who are they? All we know is, they think their job is to hunt down Superman.
Which makes it your job, boys and girls, to hunt them down first.
See, that should read, "A spokesperson for the FBI.
" What? Your second paragraph.
It says: "The FBI says it has no existing operations concerning Superman.
" The FBI isn't a person.
It can't speak.
Clark, that's why we have editors.
Good morning, Lois.
Clark.
Sleep tight? I did.
- Nothing happened.
- Clark, you can do the horizontal rumba with the entire Met-Net cheerleading squad for all I care.
Just keep your hands off my copy.
Hey, CK.
It is all over the newsroom.
You and the Cat Woman.
Didn't think anybody could come up with anything as juicy as yesterday's raid, but you've done it.
I haven't done anything.
Hey, this is me you're talking to.
I'm gonna need details.
Specificity.
The who, what, where, when, how, and why.
Actually, I've got the who and why already figured out.
But, I am really curious about the how.
- Forget it.
- To be honest I never thought about asking you for advice about women until now but I've been thinking about Lois's sister, and Here she comes.
Great piece of journalism there, CK.
Sorry to interrupt your male bonding, but we have a break in the story.
I'll tell you why I'm in Metropolis.
The director himself sent me here to clean up that mess you started with that raid on The Daily Planet.
Now, I call the shots on Bureau 39, not you.
Stand by.
Yes? Send them in.
No, you stay right where you are.
I'm coming as soon as I bury this story with these reporters.
You hear me, Trask? - Mr.
Thompson, Lois Lane.
- Please.
Clark Kent.
You just flew in from Washington? Bullet train.
I'm not much for flying.
You? Who exactly do you work for? I'm a kind of government ombudsman.
I go where the problems are.
Right now, my job is to get to the bottom of this incident at The Planet.
Well, that's our job, too.
What can you tell us? Not much.
The first step in our investigation process is to gather all eyewitness accounts.
Your investigation? What about our investigation? That's the other reason I'm here.
We do not take it lightly when someone tries to pass himself off as an agent of the US government.
Can you give us a physical description of any of the people involved? Let me get something straight.
You're here to interview us? Yes.
And to advise you to stay out of harm's way.
The person who did this is very dangerous Let me explain something to you.
We do not need your protection.
We came here because we thought you could help us find the man responsible for the raid.
Sorry.
Do you have any clues? Any ideas at all? Let me ask you a question, Miss Lane.
To the best of your knowledge, does Superman have any enemies? - Come on, Clark.
Let's go.
- Go? Well, it's obvious that Mr.
Thompson doesn't know anything.
Nothing.
I'm not feeling that great.
Maybe I should just go home and take a nap or something.
Yeah.
Sometimes you have to put yourself above the story.
I don't wanna leave you out in the cold.
You're not.
It's not like we're a team, anyway.
Do you need a ride? I'll walk.
Maybe the fresh air will do me some good.
Well, I'm just gonna make a few phone calls.
- I'll meet you back at the paper.
- Sure.
Feel better.
Thanks.
Jimmy? Lois.
I want you to pull everything on a George Thompson.
It's Superman! Be careful up there.
My mission is to identify alien threats to the security of this country.
- Superman? - The advance guard.
We don't resist him, they send in others.
After all these years of waiting, now they're here.
What's your plan? Capture Superman and then dissect him? I don't wanna study him.
I wanna kill him before he kills us.
Trask, your reckless freelancing is jeopardizing the integrity of the entire Bureau 39 operation.
You don't know anything about Bureau 39.
You sit there with the gutless paper pushers in Washington.
They're too stupid to know they're in a war, let alone fight it.
That is just more of your insane paranoia! Open your eyes.
They're coming after us.
A few are gonna die in the struggle, yes.
But we either draw the line here, or we capitulate.
And I will never submit.
This orders you to turn over all command and control of your military assets to civilian authority: Me.
- You can't shut me down.
- I can and I will.
I have the authority.
- You have no authority.
- I can't see.
- You don't like vegetarian, do you? - He's confused.
He probably doesn't know whether to plant it or eat it.
Sure looks like he missed your cooking, though.
Clark, honey, you just inhaled that.
Something's on your mind, isn't it? I wanna hear everything you know about how you found me.
Everything.
It was May 17, 1966.
We were driving past Simpson's Quai, just due west of the Elbow River.
We saw this thing in the sky.
At first we thought it was one of those ICBMs.
That ship came streaking across the sky in front of us.
It was hard to ignore.
And we found you and took you home.
Your eyes were so big, and so wide.
That little diaper thing they had you in made you look so cute.
Martha.
A few days later, some men showed up around town asking questions.
What kind of men? They said they were from the space program and that some debris had fallen down from some kind of Russian satellite and wanted to know if we had seen anything.
- So what'd you tell them? - Not a thing.
There was something about them.
They were scary.
So is that what you guys think I am? A Russian experiment? Honey, we don't care if you're a Russian or a Martian.
You were ours.
That's all we knew.
We weren't giving you away to anybody.
That's why your father went back there to where we found you.
We figured we'd destroy that spaceship so nobody would ever have any evidence of how you got here.
I planned to burn it good.
Haul it to the dump and get rid of it.
Dad, it's okay.
Destroying it was probably the right thing to do.
Yeah, it probably was.
But I didn't.
- Jonathan, why didn't you tell me? - I couldn't, Martha.
Yes.
It was part of you, Son.
And I just couldn't do it.
Eight paces due south through the two trees twenty-eight paces due east.
Are you sure this is the right place? That wagon wheel's still there, isn't it? It hasn't moved in over 25 years.
Son, are you all right? I know this must be hard for you.
What's hard, Mom, is not knowing.
Mom, you and Dad, you're my parents, you know that.
No one will ever replace you.
We know that, Clark.
But you wouldn't be human if you didn't have some questions.
Mom, what if I'm not human? Maybe we shouldn't have told you you were adopted.
That would've been tough after I started bench-pressing cars.
Six feet down.
- Right here? - Right there.
You guys should stand back.
- You sure about this, Dad? - One hundred percent.
Right there.
You don't forget something like this.
It was here.
Not anymore.
- Feeling better? - What? Oh, sure.
How did it go yesterday? I tailed our man Thompson to a furniture warehouse on Bessolo Boulevard.
Definitely weird, but he works for the government.
What did you dig up? Nothing.
Project Blue Book? Clark, the Air Force got out of the UFO business in 1969.
This is old news.
Way old.
Yeah, you're right.
It was just a hunch.
It didn't pan out.
Just a hunch.
That airman in the middle he's the piece of work that raided The Planet, isn't he? Maybe.
I don't know.
My eyes aren't so good.
Well, I have perfect vision.
Superman does not see like I do.
Jason Trask.
That's our man.
Almost missed that one, rookie.
I didn't know Trask was in the Air Force.
No military service record.
Disappeared into thin air in 1969.
- All right.
Keep looking.
- I've got just the place.
The other guy in the photo: Gen.
Burton Newcomb.
He's retired.
He lives in Metropolis.
What are you waiting for? Get going.
You wanted to talk? I can't now, but Look.
Somehow everybody thinks we were hanging from the chandeliers wearing black leather the other night.
Well, we were interrupted.
I have to go.
But I would appreciate it if you would put a stop to this.
And ruin my reputation? Kent? Could I see you in my office, please? Kent, you ever hear of Anita Wood? I guess I haven't.
Memphis DJ, beautiful girl, won a beauty contest.
Do you know she and Elvis almost got married? I missed that.
Yeah.
Right after he was drafted, 1958.
He and Anita were talking marriage.
But Col.
Parker knew it would hurt Elvis's career so he put a stop to it.
Now, if the Colonel hadn't gotten wind of it Elvis might not be the King.
Do you understand what I'm saying here? She was the wrong girl for him.
Fools rush in, son.
Fools rush in.
- Chief, I think people have the wrong idea.
- Really? Well, it's definitely not what you're thinking.
What I'm thinking is when it comes to women if you wanna be the King, you'd better listen to the Colonel.
Thank you.
I'll remember that, Colonel.
- It's Thompson.
- The guy you lost on the tail? They found him.
Metropolis Harbor.
Coroner's got him.
Yesterday, a man named George Thompson came to Metropolis.
Today, he's dead.
That's regrettable.
But what does it have to do with me? He was investigating your old friend: Jason Trask.
Have either of you ever had to keep a secret? A huge secret? - Sure.
- Like what? Well, I'm a reporter.
You know, protecting sources and stuff.
Keeping a secret eats away at you just a nibble at a time, but it adds up.
And one day you wake up, and you realize that it has consumed everything inside you.
See, we were just a small group when we started but we all took a very special oath the same day: August 2, 1947.
Just about your age.
You didn't take an oath to protect people like Trask, did you? You don't need me to find Trask.
He's probably hiding in plain sight.
Like a furniture warehouse on Bessolo Boulevard? Getting to him, though.
That's another matter.
A man like Trask would no doubt be protected by some impenetrable security system.
Every system has a flaw.
No, not this one.
I designed it myself.
You'd need someone on the inside or someone who'd been on the inside to help you out.
Now, assuming you found such a person you can only hope that that person found a man like Trask to be so repugnant, his methods so un-American that he would, in fact, choose to help you.
That's a tall order.
I'm gonna count to three.
And when I turn around, I expect you to be gone.
One, two three.
Well, that was hard.
I think they've added this since the General's day.
This is no time to get smug.
Don't tell me.
Safecracker? The General said August 2, 1947.
Eight right, two left, 47 right.
You are so weird.
Works for you, though.
I don't know about this, Lois.
Where is everybody? Clark, the thing about luck is, you don't question it.
Give me a break.
I've seen this movie.
I don't know, Lois.
These look real.
They're too good.
It's gotta be a setup.
What if it's not? What if people really traveled in these things? People from far away? There might be a story here, Clark, but I don't think it's UFOs.
I thought you were the one who said: "If it looks like a duck" Do not quote me to myself, Clark.
How did you know that I said that, anyway? What are you doing? You don't like their pictures.
Let's see what else they have.
I suppose you think I'm gonna lift up one of these tarps and find a UFO.
I don't know what we're gonna find.
Eenie, meenie, minie, moe.
This is just an unidentified salvage yard.
This doesn't look like any scrap metal I've ever seen before.
Clark, you really think this could Krypton.
Clark, somebody's coming.
Now, how did you two manage to get in here? - That's your problem.
- That's correct.
Getting out, however, is yours.
- People know we're here.
- Like Superman.
He's going to come looking for us.
I do hope so.
In fact, I'm counting on it.
- Hi, I'm Jimmy.
- What? I'm Jimmy.
Jimmy Olsen from The Planet.
I don't think you can get the whole effect unless you can hear the music on a cellular level.
- Now, who are you again? - Jimmy Olsen.
I thought Lois might have mentioned me.
Jimmy? I don't think so.
I'd remember a guy named Jimmy.
You know, I'm thinking about going with James.
Did you come here to ask my opinion about your name? No.
No, it's your sister.
She hasn't checked in, and she doesn't answer her pager.
- You know where she is? - Nope.
She made a big deal the other day about making herself scarce.
- She can usually take care of herself.
- Yeah, I'm sure she's okay.
You wanna maybe go out sometime? Catch a movie or something? Wait a minute.
You come over here with this big story about how maybe my sister's in trouble, and then you ask me out.
Is that right? - Yeah, that's pretty much it.
- Okay.
Flying to 10,000.
Level drop at 07043 It's a romance novel.
- What? - My novel.
It's about a woman that dies without ever finding her true love.
That's not gonna happen to you, Lois.
Yeah? Check it out, Clark.
These guys look serious.
- Okay, I told you.
Now you tell me.
- Tell you what? What really happened between you and Cat the other night? Not that I care.
It's just probably the best secret you've got going.
If we get out of this, you have got to raise your standards.
I assume the two of you are familiar with the scientific method? Advance a theory, submit it to a test.
My theory is: At least one of you knows how to contact this alien creature Superman probably by some form of telepathic communication.
How do you plan to test it? If you suddenly become airborne at, say, I assume you will focus all your energies on contacting this Superman.
What if this theory of yours is wrong? Pushing back the frontiers of science is not without risk.
What happens if Superman does show up? Does the worm need to know whether the fish is going to be fried or charbroiled? Wait, no.
Take me.
- No, it's okay! I'll go! - Lois, you don't understand! - I think I'm entitled to one last request.
- Within reason.
I wanna kiss Clark goodbye.
You take the one on the left.
No, she's mine! Superman, if you can hear me drop what you're doing and get over here now! Superman, help! - You've got both of them? - The guy's hurt.
I shot him.
Guess again.
- No trace of blood.
- I shot him.
- I saw it.
- You missed.
Superman, help! - Target acquisition.
Zero, niner, five.
- Execute.
Missile lock in three, two, one.
Executed.
Superman You really do read minds.
Not really.
But I do have good hearing.
Clark.
They still have him.
He may be hurt.
Don't worry, I'll go back for him.
You'll be all right? Lois? Superman.
Impact in three, two Let's get out of here.
Lois, what happened? Before or after we were thrown out of the plane? Airplane? Superman? Is he all right? We don't know.
We're trying to track down some witnesses.
- Now, do you know what happened to - Clark! - You're alive.
- Seems so.
Everybody, Clark's alive.
And if Clark's alive, that means Superman's alive.
This story's getting bigger every second.
What are we waiting for? All right, move it! All clear! It was all here, Perry.
- Tell him.
- She's right.
UFOs: Unidentified flying objects.
Only they were all identified.
Bagged, tagged, processed, right here.
- UFOs? - Yes.
Don't you see? It's a cover-up, big time.
That's what's going on.
Okay.
This story could be bigger than Superman.
What we have got here is cosmic Watergate, Perry.
I'm gonna go back, start writing this right now.
Now, just hold on.
Now look.
This is where I gotta get off this bus you're driving.
We know what we saw.
Now, you two are the best.
You tell me something, I believe you.
- I can't let you write it, though.
- Sure you can.
- Clark and I can corroborate each other.
- Not when you're talking UFOs.
Lois, your physical evidence is gone.
Trask is missing.
Thompson's dead.
Gen.
Newcomb says he never even heard of you.
We print this, we're gonna look like The National Whisper.
You two could kiss your careers goodbye, and take the paper along with you.
I just can't let that happen.
Sorry.
I believe you.
Do you realize what we've lost here, Clark? Yeah, I do.
I hear you've been looking for me.
All my life.
Everybody's looking for you.
I know.
And I know that you almost died because of that.
Well, it did make that bungee jump I did last year seem pretty tame.
I'm gonna find that man and stop him.
That's a promise, Lois.
You know my name.
But I don't know yours.
"Superman" seems to have caught on.
Where are you from? I mean, you're not from Kansas.
That's for sure.
I'm from another planet.
A place called Krypton.
- Do you mind if I write some of this down? - No.
You seem to have all the parts of a man.
I am a man, Lois.
Just like you're a woman.
I'm really glad you're here.
But, why are you here? - To help.
- To help? I need a little bit more of a quote than that.
Something like, "I have not yet begun to fight" or "damn the torpedoes.
" Something like that.
I mean, if you said, "I am here to fight for truth or justice" "Truth and justice.
" That sounds good.
You can use that.
Help! - What is it? - Someone's in trouble.
This is a job for Superman, right? I'll be seeing you.
I hope so.
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