LOL: Last One Laughing Germany (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
An Ave-Maria with Consequences
1
Is he serious?
I'm not prepared for that.
Let go of me, you critter!
I'm eating.
Off we go!
Oh, good heavens!
This is a pan with two eggs.
-Put the sausage at the back.
-I agree.
-That's different.
-A whole new person.
The situation was relaxed.
So why laugh?
-Yes.
-Right?
What happened?
-It was easy.
-Anke's gone pale.
No, Anke's fine. Right?
-Yes.
-Anke's fine.
-I like your costume.
-Thanks.
We have video proof,
which I won't keep from you.
Good one, right?
He tried to pretend
it was part of the character.
I was distracted for a sec.
Fine. Pity.
-Fine.
-I'm sorry, Wigald.
Let me walk you to the buzzer.
Focus!
What's strange is
there are much funnier things happening
What were you laughing at?
I have no idea.
At the penis in her face.
I put the phallus to the back.
That's funny?
I thought that was hilarious.
It's that easy.
Just turn your hat around.
-Good luck! Wigald, one life.
-Fine.
I'm a little angry at myself
for letting something that silly
throw me off.
Two eggs and a sausage on an apron,
that's not funny, for God's sake.
Right Anke, Max,
Torsten and Carolin still have 2 lives.
Keep them dangling?
-No, let's move on.
-Yes.
Restrain yourselves, please!
"Restrain yourselves, please!"
With pleasure.
As what?
Bully is harder on us
than the other candidates are.
You never feel safe.
Someone or something
might turn up unexpectedly.
-Hello!
-Hello!
My name is Steve Rawlings.
Remember my name
because you'll never hear it again.
Thank you!
I am the only juggler
stupid enough to use real
porcelain.
If I drop one
Thank you!
juggling porcelain plates?
Catch it!
Nobody sleeps when I work!
Look at Rick!
Seriously, though.
Sharp as a razor blade
Machete juggling.
It's better over here.
You won't feel any pain.
It would be a good idea
to keep your legs together.
Now, this trick is extremely dangerous.
My hands are insured
for up to three million euros.
That's a lot of money.
Why juggle?
I could retire.
If I was a rich man
How is your stomach?
I hope this is only a joke.
I do children's birthdays, too.
It was horrible.
It was absolutely horrible.
Especially for you!
-Thank you!
-Yes, thank you.
-Bravo!
-Thank you.
Bravo!
-We want more!
-No!
-"We want more"?
-Or not.
Who cares. I was just being polite.
If I'd known he would do that,
I wouldn't have joined the show.
Some music would be nice, right?
Yes, dancing. I crave dancing.
Does no one have a phone with music?
We prepared a song ourselves.
-Shall we sing it?
-Sure.
Okay, we prepared a song.
But it's not
Is that part of the song, Anke?
No, I just I was feeling a little
-Your head was cold?
-Yes.
The song.
They didn't prepare one, did they?
I have no idea.
Few of you know,
but Teddy and I have long been
a musical duo.
What makes us special is
we bow to our guests' demands.
-Yes.
-Which is great because we
We go with the moment, we follow the mood
and fulfill wishes.
If they pull that off, we're all out
and Amazon will have to figure out a way
to finish this thing.
If you want to hear a particular song,
we can perform it ad hoc.
We're called The Ad Hocs.
-Attics.
-The Attics.
But we don't agree on that.
You say "Ad Hocs," I say "Attics."
I'm in charge of the German market,
while Teddy says we can go international.
Any wishes?
-Niemals geht man so ganz.
-In English?
-As you wish.
-We prepared both.
I'll sing in English.
Never Go You So Once.
Never Go You So.
When you're in an extreme situation
you don't know what you're doing.
I did that out of necessity.
I feel good!
-When does the song start?
-This is part of it.
-I will sing, then.
-Kurt will sing!
Attention!
Look forward to the song. It'll be great.
He makes those breaks
only to continue trying to sing pretty.
My wife always sings Ave Maria!
for fun at Christmas
exactly in Kurt Krömer's pitch.
Bravo.
It was so hard for me to focus.
I thought, "No, he's not serious."
And he goes
Fuck!
I only wanted
I only wanted to help them.
I'll never do that again.
I'll never help anyone again.
-What is it this time?
-Guys, I have bad news.
-I caught another one.
-No!
-Yes!
-Ricky Rick?
I caught another one.
Let's take a look.
Oh, sugar!
You still have one life.
Yes.
-Sorry, Anke.
-It's all right.
Oh, God.
Kurt, that's your second.
-Yes.
-Oh, no!
But I have a nice seat reserved for you.
See you soon, Babsi.
That's right. So
Kurt Krömer!
-It's been a pleasure.
-Good luck!
I more or less executed myself,
but I brought down Anke with me.
That was nice
in a very sinister sort of way.
And let's go!
There's been a recent
band member replacement.
The lead singer
cannot be found.
I'm right here.
A fight with the guitarist?
-You often see that with bands.
-I'm here!
So please welcome
The Attics' new number oneAd Hocs'
-"Attics."
-Attics.
We are going for the German market,
so here is Günther!
Who's Günther?
Where is your Günther?
Günther!
Ladies and gentlemen, The Ad Hocs, with
Attention, attention!
Always making fun, fun making.
I think I know 90% of the acts
Mirco likes to do.
You know we're a musical duo?
We're a musical duo.
But that Italian guy
with the blond hair
That was just great.
You're the singer.
What?
Anke Engelke and Mirco Nontschew
performing an improvised song together.
It's inhumane not to laugh.
That's really inhumane.
And now the dance.
-We rehearsed a dance, too.
-Okay.
-I'm jumping.
-Where to?
-An aerial? Really?
-Yes!
Look! I have to buzz.
-Who was it?
-I laughed myself, didn't I?
Torsten, how can you stay calm?
I don't know what's up with Torsten.
Who was it?
I'm crying with laughter.
I'm finished. I'm dying.
But there was a moment,
even with the strongest will
I'm sorry. I'll show you the evidence.
-What?
-No!
Come on, that was despair.
Like a runner
who gets disqualified for a false start.
He fought, but he has to buzz.
-I'm sorry.
-Oh, no.
I was devastated.
I thought I was a professional,
but I'm like a little boy
who doesn't get to wear his costumes,
who doesn't get to do his sketch
It was all gone.
Okay, guys, the game is on.
Torsten Sträter made my gin tonic
way too strong.
I said, "Water it down."
and he poured in more gin.
I often cry when I'm drunk. Could be good.
Okay, we can perform as a trio.
I'd love to.
-Anke, I don't want to perform with you.
-Why not?
That one-on-one situation with Teddy
was like playing with fire.
-Let's sing something.
-We'll sing for you.
We'll sing whatever you like.
What are we singing about?
The song should be about
you two being bitches.
Both of you.
Two bitches.
So four in total?
Oh, God, stop it!
Well, you do go a bit mad in there.
He's a sick man!
Don't look at him like that, he's sick.
Oh, man, I almost had her there.
Bravo.
Something died inside of me.
And twice I actually
wet my pants a little.
I actually wet my pants a little
because I tried so hard not to laugh.
I'll have to live with that.
I only brought one pair.
Dear friends, don't panic.
We have a vermin problem.
I'm sending in pest control. Okay?
Won't take long.
Make yourselves comfy.
I realized
that it wouldn't be a walk in the park.
I had a bad feeling.
People talk about a good gut feeling,
but I had a bad one.
It's nice to be here.
Good evening.
Evening.
Oh, sorry.
A hare.
Look at Anke, she's turned to stone.
Anke is as cold as ice.
How he imitated animals "Hare"
Or, "hare" My God.
Every time he'd yell or make loud noises,
that's when I'd think,
"I'm gonna shit my pants."
I think Mirco is being beaten
with his own weapon.
Arrows.
Mirco is struggling.
Uh-oh, I think Mirco is falling apart.
That was too much.
But I made it through.
You still have 2 lives?
Yes.
Let me get my things.
Nothing makes you laugh?
You're a cheerful chap.
I've got relatively
good control over my face
but it won't work for much longer.
It's like a muscle,
and as I'm not muscular,
I don't think it'll work much more.
I brought you something.
My nose hair trimmer collection.
You think, "Finally, two minutes of rest."
But then Wigald Boning goes,
"Look at my nose hair trimmer collection."
You think, "No!"
If you feel like applying
sharp shear knives to your orifices,
this is your chance.
I think that would be very pleasant.
-Makes sense.
-Yes.
Anke and I will be right back with these.
Bye.
-What's going on?
-"What happened?"
We both walked away, going
Teddy started screaming.
-What's going on?
-What happened?
That was the real problem.
People behaving like idiots
when they had to laugh.
What's wrong?
What are you guys doing?
Are those really yours?
-Yes!
-Wow, crazy!
-That is the right
-But who laughed?
-I didn't notice.
-We'll have to see.
That was really clever.
Shit.
Holding that little hand
in front of your face
Did you think that'd work?
Caro suffered so much
The whole time.
The worst thing is when everyone starts
riling each other up
and nobody's really in control
and everyone's trying to fight it somehow.
And Teddy, that's really
-Hey, Kurt. Want to press?
-Sure.
Look, if I press here
you can talk to them.
Go ahead.
Didn't you want to speak?
So they can hear me
when I press the button?
-Kurt.
-Kurti!
-You can all laugh now.
-No!
-Huh?
-Oh, you can't.
Sorry, I read it wrong.
My mistake.
-Bye, sweeties!
-Ciao!
Something happened?
Teddy.
I studied the pantomime guy.
That's why it was so easy for me.
He yelled a lot.
Splat!
When he imitated
the pantomime hunting act
For me, that was
My goodness, he did it brilliantly!
Easy.
Look at Anke.
Easy.
And how he imitated the dog
Anke is struggling.
You just can't look, you really can't,
or you're under his spell.
Hare.
Yes, great imitation.
Mirco is close, too, huh?
Eve?
The temptation apple?
Hare and Eve.
-Discarded?
-Original sin?
-Labor pains?
-A window cleaner?
Deodorant ad?
Can you wait a second?
-Huh? Sorry.
-Excuse me.
It's no fun
when I haven't shown what it is
and someone already shouts, "Plum!"
Nobody did.
Nobody said "plum."
"Nobody said 'plum'."
-Can I continue?
-Yes, go on. It's great.
Plum!
Wigald
-It was, right?
-No.
-Mirabelle!
-Yes.
It was a mirabelle.
Greengage!
I'm going to flip, just let me
-Klaus Kinski.
-Yes.
Oh, wow! That was very good.
What's off with them?
There is no word for female masturbation.
-"Parking it in the snail shell."
-Sure!
I'm not sure what's going on
in Caro's head.
Humor hurts.
You stupid swine!
-I get it.
-Shut your mouth!
I think I'm traumatized for life.
That was hard.
You're dropping like flies now.
Is he serious?
I'm not prepared for that.
Let go of me, you critter!
I'm eating.
Off we go!
Oh, good heavens!
This is a pan with two eggs.
-Put the sausage at the back.
-I agree.
-That's different.
-A whole new person.
The situation was relaxed.
So why laugh?
-Yes.
-Right?
What happened?
-It was easy.
-Anke's gone pale.
No, Anke's fine. Right?
-Yes.
-Anke's fine.
-I like your costume.
-Thanks.
We have video proof,
which I won't keep from you.
Good one, right?
He tried to pretend
it was part of the character.
I was distracted for a sec.
Fine. Pity.
-Fine.
-I'm sorry, Wigald.
Let me walk you to the buzzer.
Focus!
What's strange is
there are much funnier things happening
What were you laughing at?
I have no idea.
At the penis in her face.
I put the phallus to the back.
That's funny?
I thought that was hilarious.
It's that easy.
Just turn your hat around.
-Good luck! Wigald, one life.
-Fine.
I'm a little angry at myself
for letting something that silly
throw me off.
Two eggs and a sausage on an apron,
that's not funny, for God's sake.
Right Anke, Max,
Torsten and Carolin still have 2 lives.
Keep them dangling?
-No, let's move on.
-Yes.
Restrain yourselves, please!
"Restrain yourselves, please!"
With pleasure.
As what?
Bully is harder on us
than the other candidates are.
You never feel safe.
Someone or something
might turn up unexpectedly.
-Hello!
-Hello!
My name is Steve Rawlings.
Remember my name
because you'll never hear it again.
Thank you!
I am the only juggler
stupid enough to use real
porcelain.
If I drop one
Thank you!
juggling porcelain plates?
Catch it!
Nobody sleeps when I work!
Look at Rick!
Seriously, though.
Sharp as a razor blade
Machete juggling.
It's better over here.
You won't feel any pain.
It would be a good idea
to keep your legs together.
Now, this trick is extremely dangerous.
My hands are insured
for up to three million euros.
That's a lot of money.
Why juggle?
I could retire.
If I was a rich man
How is your stomach?
I hope this is only a joke.
I do children's birthdays, too.
It was horrible.
It was absolutely horrible.
Especially for you!
-Thank you!
-Yes, thank you.
-Bravo!
-Thank you.
Bravo!
-We want more!
-No!
-"We want more"?
-Or not.
Who cares. I was just being polite.
If I'd known he would do that,
I wouldn't have joined the show.
Some music would be nice, right?
Yes, dancing. I crave dancing.
Does no one have a phone with music?
We prepared a song ourselves.
-Shall we sing it?
-Sure.
Okay, we prepared a song.
But it's not
Is that part of the song, Anke?
No, I just I was feeling a little
-Your head was cold?
-Yes.
The song.
They didn't prepare one, did they?
I have no idea.
Few of you know,
but Teddy and I have long been
a musical duo.
What makes us special is
we bow to our guests' demands.
-Yes.
-Which is great because we
We go with the moment, we follow the mood
and fulfill wishes.
If they pull that off, we're all out
and Amazon will have to figure out a way
to finish this thing.
If you want to hear a particular song,
we can perform it ad hoc.
We're called The Ad Hocs.
-Attics.
-The Attics.
But we don't agree on that.
You say "Ad Hocs," I say "Attics."
I'm in charge of the German market,
while Teddy says we can go international.
Any wishes?
-Niemals geht man so ganz.
-In English?
-As you wish.
-We prepared both.
I'll sing in English.
Never Go You So Once.
Never Go You So.
When you're in an extreme situation
you don't know what you're doing.
I did that out of necessity.
I feel good!
-When does the song start?
-This is part of it.
-I will sing, then.
-Kurt will sing!
Attention!
Look forward to the song. It'll be great.
He makes those breaks
only to continue trying to sing pretty.
My wife always sings Ave Maria!
for fun at Christmas
exactly in Kurt Krömer's pitch.
Bravo.
It was so hard for me to focus.
I thought, "No, he's not serious."
And he goes
Fuck!
I only wanted
I only wanted to help them.
I'll never do that again.
I'll never help anyone again.
-What is it this time?
-Guys, I have bad news.
-I caught another one.
-No!
-Yes!
-Ricky Rick?
I caught another one.
Let's take a look.
Oh, sugar!
You still have one life.
Yes.
-Sorry, Anke.
-It's all right.
Oh, God.
Kurt, that's your second.
-Yes.
-Oh, no!
But I have a nice seat reserved for you.
See you soon, Babsi.
That's right. So
Kurt Krömer!
-It's been a pleasure.
-Good luck!
I more or less executed myself,
but I brought down Anke with me.
That was nice
in a very sinister sort of way.
And let's go!
There's been a recent
band member replacement.
The lead singer
cannot be found.
I'm right here.
A fight with the guitarist?
-You often see that with bands.
-I'm here!
So please welcome
The Attics' new number oneAd Hocs'
-"Attics."
-Attics.
We are going for the German market,
so here is Günther!
Who's Günther?
Where is your Günther?
Günther!
Ladies and gentlemen, The Ad Hocs, with
Attention, attention!
Always making fun, fun making.
I think I know 90% of the acts
Mirco likes to do.
You know we're a musical duo?
We're a musical duo.
But that Italian guy
with the blond hair
That was just great.
You're the singer.
What?
Anke Engelke and Mirco Nontschew
performing an improvised song together.
It's inhumane not to laugh.
That's really inhumane.
And now the dance.
-We rehearsed a dance, too.
-Okay.
-I'm jumping.
-Where to?
-An aerial? Really?
-Yes!
Look! I have to buzz.
-Who was it?
-I laughed myself, didn't I?
Torsten, how can you stay calm?
I don't know what's up with Torsten.
Who was it?
I'm crying with laughter.
I'm finished. I'm dying.
But there was a moment,
even with the strongest will
I'm sorry. I'll show you the evidence.
-What?
-No!
Come on, that was despair.
Like a runner
who gets disqualified for a false start.
He fought, but he has to buzz.
-I'm sorry.
-Oh, no.
I was devastated.
I thought I was a professional,
but I'm like a little boy
who doesn't get to wear his costumes,
who doesn't get to do his sketch
It was all gone.
Okay, guys, the game is on.
Torsten Sträter made my gin tonic
way too strong.
I said, "Water it down."
and he poured in more gin.
I often cry when I'm drunk. Could be good.
Okay, we can perform as a trio.
I'd love to.
-Anke, I don't want to perform with you.
-Why not?
That one-on-one situation with Teddy
was like playing with fire.
-Let's sing something.
-We'll sing for you.
We'll sing whatever you like.
What are we singing about?
The song should be about
you two being bitches.
Both of you.
Two bitches.
So four in total?
Oh, God, stop it!
Well, you do go a bit mad in there.
He's a sick man!
Don't look at him like that, he's sick.
Oh, man, I almost had her there.
Bravo.
Something died inside of me.
And twice I actually
wet my pants a little.
I actually wet my pants a little
because I tried so hard not to laugh.
I'll have to live with that.
I only brought one pair.
Dear friends, don't panic.
We have a vermin problem.
I'm sending in pest control. Okay?
Won't take long.
Make yourselves comfy.
I realized
that it wouldn't be a walk in the park.
I had a bad feeling.
People talk about a good gut feeling,
but I had a bad one.
It's nice to be here.
Good evening.
Evening.
Oh, sorry.
A hare.
Look at Anke, she's turned to stone.
Anke is as cold as ice.
How he imitated animals "Hare"
Or, "hare" My God.
Every time he'd yell or make loud noises,
that's when I'd think,
"I'm gonna shit my pants."
I think Mirco is being beaten
with his own weapon.
Arrows.
Mirco is struggling.
Uh-oh, I think Mirco is falling apart.
That was too much.
But I made it through.
You still have 2 lives?
Yes.
Let me get my things.
Nothing makes you laugh?
You're a cheerful chap.
I've got relatively
good control over my face
but it won't work for much longer.
It's like a muscle,
and as I'm not muscular,
I don't think it'll work much more.
I brought you something.
My nose hair trimmer collection.
You think, "Finally, two minutes of rest."
But then Wigald Boning goes,
"Look at my nose hair trimmer collection."
You think, "No!"
If you feel like applying
sharp shear knives to your orifices,
this is your chance.
I think that would be very pleasant.
-Makes sense.
-Yes.
Anke and I will be right back with these.
Bye.
-What's going on?
-"What happened?"
We both walked away, going
Teddy started screaming.
-What's going on?
-What happened?
That was the real problem.
People behaving like idiots
when they had to laugh.
What's wrong?
What are you guys doing?
Are those really yours?
-Yes!
-Wow, crazy!
-That is the right
-But who laughed?
-I didn't notice.
-We'll have to see.
That was really clever.
Shit.
Holding that little hand
in front of your face
Did you think that'd work?
Caro suffered so much
The whole time.
The worst thing is when everyone starts
riling each other up
and nobody's really in control
and everyone's trying to fight it somehow.
And Teddy, that's really
-Hey, Kurt. Want to press?
-Sure.
Look, if I press here
you can talk to them.
Go ahead.
Didn't you want to speak?
So they can hear me
when I press the button?
-Kurt.
-Kurti!
-You can all laugh now.
-No!
-Huh?
-Oh, you can't.
Sorry, I read it wrong.
My mistake.
-Bye, sweeties!
-Ciao!
Something happened?
Teddy.
I studied the pantomime guy.
That's why it was so easy for me.
He yelled a lot.
Splat!
When he imitated
the pantomime hunting act
For me, that was
My goodness, he did it brilliantly!
Easy.
Look at Anke.
Easy.
And how he imitated the dog
Anke is struggling.
You just can't look, you really can't,
or you're under his spell.
Hare.
Yes, great imitation.
Mirco is close, too, huh?
Eve?
The temptation apple?
Hare and Eve.
-Discarded?
-Original sin?
-Labor pains?
-A window cleaner?
Deodorant ad?
Can you wait a second?
-Huh? Sorry.
-Excuse me.
It's no fun
when I haven't shown what it is
and someone already shouts, "Plum!"
Nobody did.
Nobody said "plum."
"Nobody said 'plum'."
-Can I continue?
-Yes, go on. It's great.
Plum!
Wigald
-It was, right?
-No.
-Mirabelle!
-Yes.
It was a mirabelle.
Greengage!
I'm going to flip, just let me
-Klaus Kinski.
-Yes.
Oh, wow! That was very good.
What's off with them?
There is no word for female masturbation.
-"Parking it in the snail shell."
-Sure!
I'm not sure what's going on
in Caro's head.
Humor hurts.
You stupid swine!
-I get it.
-Shut your mouth!
I think I'm traumatized for life.
That was hard.
You're dropping like flies now.