Lost in Space (2018) s01e03 Episode Script
Infestation
1 [cheerful music.]
Harvey Harvey Harvey Hi, everyone.
Thanks for coming to another Leaf Club meeting.
This week's assignment was to find a leaf - you think is unique.
- Competition's over! Mine's the best! How is that one the best? [grunting.]
See, look at this.
Do you have any idea what I went through to get this? [spits.]
Ah! I don't respect you or your leaf.
Yyou spat on me? Why, you little brat! [both struggle.]
Guys, guys.
This wasn't meant to be a competition.
Everyone sees leaves differently.
Even our own two eyeballs see the same leaf differently.
See? Right eye, left eye Right eye, left eye.
- [scoffs.]
Sounds weird.
- Try it.
- Oh - Cool.
That was really great conflict resolution, Kathy.
You should think about giving advice professionally.
Maybe you could add a "life advice" section - to your video vlogs.
- Well, I was gonna go home and put a puzzle together but helping others does sound really nice.
You know, I'll do it.
[cheerful music.]
Ohhey, Kratz.
[giggling.]
[sighs dreamily.]
[upbeat synth music.]
Uh, hello, everyone.
Today I'm starting a new segment on my show, "Leaf it to Kathy.
" [chuckles.]
I enjoy a good leaf pun.
Our first video question is from Piri Piri.
Hey, Kathy.
My first question is: Do leaves ever feel sad when they're blown away in the wind, leaving their dreams to the whims of forces beyond their control? Hmm.
I think leaves just take life as it comes and "leaf" themselves open to new experiences.
Our next video question is from Jeremy.
Hey, Kathy.
Big fan.
So, I, uh, just got this plant that I really like, but it's started to attract all these bugs, and [screaming.]
Get away! [screaming.]
Oh, don't worry.
Those are just flesh-eating bugs.
Your plant will be fine.
Our last video is from Mikey.
Hey, Kathy.
My question is: as a fellow Internet star and viral sensation, how do you deal with the haters? Not really a leaf-related question, but I just tell them, "Don't hate the player.
Hate the game.
" [slurping.]
Well, that's it for today.
Be sure to tune in to the livestream later.
Wow, Kathy's so great.
So, why'd you call me over, Kratz? Uh, yeah.
I was wondering, what exactly should I do if I like someone who's really special and cool? You like someone? Who? Well, they're really smart and pretty.
[gasps.]
Claire? And robust.
And strong.
- Rooter? - And cool, and mature.
- My mom? - No, - Miriam and I are just friends.
- Who, then? They're really good at giving advice.
- It's me? - It's Kathy.
- I like Kathy.
- Oh Oh! That's so cute.
Yeah.
[upbeat synth music.]
I've always thought that she's amazing.
One time, I saw her she had this leaf, and she was talking to it, and holding it, and caressing it, and I realized I wanted to be that leaf.
[smooching.]
[paper crumpling.]
[sighs.]
Kratz, you have to tell Kathy how you feel! Are you crazy? Kathy is way out of my league.
But you're so cool, Kratz.
You're an underground comic book artist, the ace of subtext! [groans.]
[thud.]
Harvey, I wouldn't even know where to start.
Well, why don't you ask her? I don't think you understand how this works.
I mean, ask her in a sneaky way.
You ask Kathy how to win her heart, but you say it's for a friend.
- Does that really work? - Oh, yeah.
She won't suspect a thing.
No one's ever done that before.
Huh.
[peaceful music.]
- Hey, pretty lady.
- Hi, Harvey.
Just trying to get things ready for my livestream - later today.
- I've got a question to submit to you: are you single? Oh, um, you're a really sweet guy, but I think we should keep our relationship professional.
You got the wrong idea.
I'm just asking because I wanted to know if you had a type.
You know, like, a type of guy that you like like, would you be attracted to someone like oh, say, I don't knowKratz? Kratz, the tall, dreamy underground comic artist? The ace of subtext? [giggling nervously.]
Um, I don't know.
I guess.
But too bad he'd never be interested in a girl like me.
[gasps, stammers.]
[computer pings.]
Oh, speaking of handsome devil now, I have a video submission from him.
[computer beeps.]
[clears throat.]
Uh yeah, I have a question.
Uh [whispering.]
Friend! You have a friend.
Oh yeah.
So, I have a friend a friend who isn't me and, uh line? "What should my friend do to impress someone they like? Romantically.
" [giggling.]
Um, hi, Kratz.
It was a really nice surprise seeing your video in my inbox.
[giggling.]
Um, anyway, about your friend.
Now, some say a romantic gesture is the best way to win someone's heart like if somebody got me glow leaves from the Deep Bark Cave, that'd be cool.
Umbut the best approach for your friend is to be honest and open about their feelings.
It's super important just to say how you feel.
[upbeat music.]
Okay! Kratz, Kratz! Did you see Kathy's new video? Yep, and I know what I have to do.
Great.
Good luck, buddy.
I'm so glad he's finally gonna tell her how he feels.
[peaceful music.]
Uh, hey, everyone! Thanks for tuning in.
Today, I'll be answering your questions live.
And then, I don't know, maybe I'll end with a couple leaf reviews.
[laughs.]
Okay, so why don't we get started? Our first video call is from Kratz! Oh, uhhi, Kratz.
Hi, Kathy.
I have a follow-up question regarding earlier.
Remember that cave you were talking about? How do I get out? Wait, what? Why are you in there? No reason.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, um, stay calm.
Uh, trytry heading towards a light source.
Uh, okay.
What can you see? Is it a way out? Uhno.
[monster roars.]
Kratz, what was that? Are you okay? [shouting.]
Cave monster! Okay, okay.
Um try to get to higher ground? [panting, grunts.]
[gasps.]
- Did you get away? - I think so [shouting.]
[bats squeaking.]
Okay, stay calm.
Just try calling for help.
[echoing.]
Help! [echoing, rumbling.]
[stone cracks.]
[shouting.]
Ow, my nervous system.
Hang on, Kratz.
I'm coming to get you.
I'll be there soon, just hold on.
[panting.]
It's real far.
You must be a fast runner.
I've always been - more of an indoor kid.
- Oh, I'm so bad when it comes to exercise.
[chuckles.]
But my advice has always been to just enjoy a long walk every day.
Wow, that's such good advice.
Uh, so, how's the livestream going? It's going great, actually.
I'm getting a ton of views for some reason.
Oh my gosh! I'm so worried about Kratz but I wanna see where all this chemistry is going.
Oh, I guess Kathy likes Kratz.
I'm not jealous.
I'm almost there, Kratz.
Just keep moving.
I think I'll be okay.
I've got a pretty good sense of direction [grunts, shouts.]
Kratz! Are you okay? UhI think so? [monster growling.]
Yeah, Kathy, I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Kratz, no! There's something more important I have to tell you.
[phone beeps.]
Well, I guess that's that.
Go ahead, monster.
I serve no greater purpose.
[roaring.]
[upbeat synth music.]
Uh, hey, Kratz.
Kathy? Uh how's it going? It's great um, I mean, it's good.
Good.
[laughs.]
How are you? Uh, I think I'm good.
- Oh, Kratz.
- Kathy.
Kratz.
[monster roars.]
You stay here.
"Leaf" it to me.
[monster roaring.]
[Kathy growling softly.]
[monster growling.]
Uh [monster growling.]
Hey! What's your problem? [roaring.]
Huh? so, I don't know, now it just feels weird.
I mean, I saw her in the grocery store.
I said hi, but she didn't say hi back.
I thought we had this thing, but now I don't know.
- What am I supposed to do? - Well, honesty is the most important part of any relationship.
You need to tell her how you feel.
Yeah, but what if she doesn't feel the same way? Well, some people are worth taking that risk for.
[gentle music.]
Huh okay cool, cool.
You know, you've really given me a lot to think about, here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh, Kathy? II No, wait.
I have to tell you something.
I have to be honest about how I feel.
[inhales deeply.]
Kratz, I I like you! I I like you a lot.
Glow leaves? You take my breath away, Kathy.
Although that could be a collapsed lung.
Anyway, you wanna hang out sometime? Yeah.
I'd like that.
[cheery music.]
[sighs contentedly.]
[music.]
Oh, gosh.
I almost forgot my laptop.
My mom would've been so mad.
Hey, everyone.
Thanks for tuning into the stream.
Today, Kratz and I helped resolve each other's problems, - so, uh - You could say we feel pretty - re-"leaf"-ed.
- Kratz, was that a leaf pun? [both laugh.]
[beeping.]
Oh, my battery.
[grunting.]
[all heaving and panting.]
All right, fellas.
All aboard.
Come on, come on.
[both grunting.]
Thanks again for organizing this cabin retreat, Rooter.
Harvey, how many times do I have to tell you? This is not a cabin retreat.
This is a wilderness trial.
[struggling.]
[grunts, thuds.]
I worry about you guys, so I'm gonna teach you some survival skills.
That way, when the apocalypse comes, you'll be strong, capable men not soft little wiener babies.
I am not a wiener baby [shouts.]
[sobs.]
I just bit my tongue.
All right, before we start, I'm gonna give you guys something my dad gave me when I was just a lad.
Take a gander at this! "Don't Die: A Child's Guide to Survival by Dr.
Myles Idyllwild.
" This is the essential guide to surviving in the wild on your own! Any questions? Where's the boat seatbelts? I can't seem to find mine.
Yeah, and where can I plug in my humidifier? I feel a nasty nosebleed comin'.
Anyone want some artichoke dip? - It's vegan.
- Oh, yeah.
- I love artichoke dip.
- Ooh, ooh, me! Ooh, yeah.
- That sounds wonderful.
- Count me in.
[drum music.]
[group screaming.]
Man, what's with this water? This is nothin' like the water in my bathtub.
Time to get acquainted with your surroundings.
- Now, what do you see? - All I see is a fork.
Ah, but it's dirty.
How am I supposed to eat - my pasta salad? - Now, tell me: what does chapter one say? It says "expect the unexpected"? That's right.
[machinery clanking.]
- Wait, what? - The only way you'll learn to fend for yourselves is if I leave you.
This is for your own good.
[shouting.]
Follow the guidebook! [all shouting.]
Okay, okay nobody panic.
Let's just try to come up with a plan.
Hey, maybe if we think positive and believe in ourselves, we can [all screaming.]
[water splashing.]
[all groaning.]
[sighs.]
Well, I guess I should've read chapter two: "Don't go chasing waterfalls.
" Guys, maybe Rooter's right.
Maybe we are too soft for this crazy world.
From now on, we need to read this book before we do anything.
But we're in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home.
What's your smart book say - about that? - Well, chapter three says, "Build a shelter.
" [up-tempo music.]
[finger tapping.]
[panicked shouting.]
It's dark! Help! [screaming.]
[panting.]
[stake clatters.]
Ow.
Well, it took a lot of work, but I think our tent turned out great.
It's like a fine hotel, yo.
Now, what to do for food? Chapter four: "foraging and collecting nature's bounty.
" Hey, Harvey, what about these berries over here? Uh, the book says to test before eating.
Okay.
Hey, Kratz, come here.
- Okay.
- Just gonna make sure this is safe.
[berry rustling.]
Yep, there's definitely some poison in there.
It also says red berries in this region are safe to eat.
Oh, did you know that already, Technobear? [munching.]
Know what? Okay.
It took us five hours, but we built a fire.
Man, this book really is a lifesaver.
Hey, Harvey, let me take a turn reading the book.
Sure, Dade.
How about I throw the book - over to you? - Yeah, throw it over to me and I'll catch it with my hands.
Roger that throwin' the book to your hands.
[smack.]
[grunts.]
[book sizzles.]
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[screaming and grunting.]
Uh, do something! [all shouting in panic.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! The pages are all messed up.
I hate to say this, but - I think we're on our own now.
- What? You said we wouldn't be able to survive on our own.
I remember! He said that.
- You said that! - Yeah, but - the book's totally ruined.
- Well [stammers.]
Maybe you're just readin' it wrong, buddy.
I'm just gonna look up how to treat my hangnail.
Ah, let's see, here "Cover face with with honey.
" [panting and grunting.]
[bees buzzing.]
[screams.]
Oh, gosh, it stings! [shouts.]
But I don't even notice my finger now, so, see? The guide's still helping us.
Yo, Dade.
What's that book say about punk snakes who won't let go of your arm? Hmm, that's either some sort of vase, or two faces kissin' All right, snake, I'm about to kiss you up.
[smooching, snake hissing.]
That's right, TB, you smooch that thing.
Okay, that makes zero sense.
[coins clattering.]
Guys, I just dropped a bunch of pennies.
- Well, check the guide! - The guide, the guide! Check itcheck the guide.
Check it.
All the back pages are just a bunch of horses laughing at me.
Wow, this really helps put everything - in a new perspective.
- It sure does, bro.
Okay, then I'm just gonna go up on this hillside and see if I can find a way home.
We have the guidebook.
Don't worry, we'll be fine.
Okay, maybe I can see Littlebark from way up here.
Okay, not the scary volcano Oh, heyIra Fingerman.
There's Mustache Mountain, and hey! There's my house.
If we take off now, we'll be home in no time.
Guys! I don't think we're too far from civilization? [flames crackling.]
[mud bubbling.]
[mumbles incoherently.]
[grunting.]
Harvey! Oh, you're alive! I was gone for only five minutes.
Oh, sweet, sweet child.
We endured so many dangers: the plague, the uprising, the second uprising.
The only reason we're still alive is the guide told us what to do.
[apprehensive music.]
What do we do next, guide? Guys, forget the guidebook.
You're all just hurting yourselves.
Now, let's go.
Guys? Why are you just staring at me? What do you mean, "forget the guide"? The guide is the only thing protecting us.
Buddy, I love you, but you sound insane.
Wait, what? What? [percussive chanting music.]
[screams.]
[crickets chirping.]
[snoring.]
The guide was so helpful, but now now it looks like a wet pizza.
They're taking it so literally.
Only if it would say something that would snap them out of it.
[sneaky music.]
Bleh! Follow whatever the guide says, bro.
[all snoring.]
I'm talking in my sleep.
[mud squelches.]
[music.]
[mud squelching.]
[group snoring.]
Protect [snores.]
the guidebook! [panicked shouting.]
- Okay, it's safe.
- Morning, guys.
What's going on? I just woke upin the cage.
How about we check in with the guide? Maybe it says something important.
Hey, there's a new chapter.
"Chapter nine: stop reading me"? "This guide has taught you all it can.
"It's time to put your skills to use and find a way home.
"Also, stop acting like crazy people "and put Band-Aids on those scabs, "because they look infected.
"The end of book.
No more.
"Stop, I mean it.
"Bye, I love you"? Wait, that's it? We're just supposed to move on? [tense string music.]
Guys, you heard what the guidebook said.
[grunts.]
[swooshing.]
[hopeful music.]
[thud.]
Ah, wellyou know.
You get the gesture.
That was beautiful, guys.
Can you let me outta here now? - Oh, of course, buddy.
- What are we gonna do now? Probably die.
No! Being out here has taught us something about ourselves.
We like air conditioning and pillows.
And sometimes baking butter tarts.
The world may be dangerous, but we can survive it just the way we are as soft boys.
[together.]
Yeah! All right, first thing we need to do is find a clear direction towards home.
Hey, hey hey, wait a second.
[sniffs.]
Pumpkin spice vanilla! That's from the scented candle store next to my house.
[sniffing.]
That way! [all panting.]
Oh, no.
[monster roars.]
- Someone do something! - Uh, sir? If you let us go by, I'll give you one of my 20% coupons to "Pillows, Sinks, & Further.
" [growls approvingly.]
[up-tempo music.]
I'm a little teapot [together.]
# Short and stout # Here is my handle [together.]
# Here is my spout # When I get all steamed up, hear me shout Tip me over and pour me out Oh, no! There's mud blocking our path.
Yo, yo, yo.
We need some of those super legit cleats they use for climbing mountains.
Where are we gonna get 'em, though? Oh, well, I don't know about cleats, but I happen to have the entire wardrobe from last year's Littlebark Dance Extravaganza.
Gentlemen, how do we feel about heels? [together.]
Ooh.
Left, left Left, height, left [together.]
# Left, left # Left, height, left Boys, it's no easy feat to survive in the wild.
You gave it your all.
Harvey, you didn't make it, but you spent your last moments in the woods, like men.
Dade, Technobear, et cetera.
You were like brothers to me weak, wiener-baby brothers.
And I know, if you were here - right now, you'd say - Stop the funeral! The soft boys have returned.
[upbeat music.]
- You guys survived! - And we did half of it - by ourselves.
- I'm so proud! You boys are tougher than I thought.
[thudding, groaning.]
Ow, owwie
Harvey Harvey Harvey Hi, everyone.
Thanks for coming to another Leaf Club meeting.
This week's assignment was to find a leaf - you think is unique.
- Competition's over! Mine's the best! How is that one the best? [grunting.]
See, look at this.
Do you have any idea what I went through to get this? [spits.]
Ah! I don't respect you or your leaf.
Yyou spat on me? Why, you little brat! [both struggle.]
Guys, guys.
This wasn't meant to be a competition.
Everyone sees leaves differently.
Even our own two eyeballs see the same leaf differently.
See? Right eye, left eye Right eye, left eye.
- [scoffs.]
Sounds weird.
- Try it.
- Oh - Cool.
That was really great conflict resolution, Kathy.
You should think about giving advice professionally.
Maybe you could add a "life advice" section - to your video vlogs.
- Well, I was gonna go home and put a puzzle together but helping others does sound really nice.
You know, I'll do it.
[cheerful music.]
Ohhey, Kratz.
[giggling.]
[sighs dreamily.]
[upbeat synth music.]
Uh, hello, everyone.
Today I'm starting a new segment on my show, "Leaf it to Kathy.
" [chuckles.]
I enjoy a good leaf pun.
Our first video question is from Piri Piri.
Hey, Kathy.
My first question is: Do leaves ever feel sad when they're blown away in the wind, leaving their dreams to the whims of forces beyond their control? Hmm.
I think leaves just take life as it comes and "leaf" themselves open to new experiences.
Our next video question is from Jeremy.
Hey, Kathy.
Big fan.
So, I, uh, just got this plant that I really like, but it's started to attract all these bugs, and [screaming.]
Get away! [screaming.]
Oh, don't worry.
Those are just flesh-eating bugs.
Your plant will be fine.
Our last video is from Mikey.
Hey, Kathy.
My question is: as a fellow Internet star and viral sensation, how do you deal with the haters? Not really a leaf-related question, but I just tell them, "Don't hate the player.
Hate the game.
" [slurping.]
Well, that's it for today.
Be sure to tune in to the livestream later.
Wow, Kathy's so great.
So, why'd you call me over, Kratz? Uh, yeah.
I was wondering, what exactly should I do if I like someone who's really special and cool? You like someone? Who? Well, they're really smart and pretty.
[gasps.]
Claire? And robust.
And strong.
- Rooter? - And cool, and mature.
- My mom? - No, - Miriam and I are just friends.
- Who, then? They're really good at giving advice.
- It's me? - It's Kathy.
- I like Kathy.
- Oh Oh! That's so cute.
Yeah.
[upbeat synth music.]
I've always thought that she's amazing.
One time, I saw her she had this leaf, and she was talking to it, and holding it, and caressing it, and I realized I wanted to be that leaf.
[smooching.]
[paper crumpling.]
[sighs.]
Kratz, you have to tell Kathy how you feel! Are you crazy? Kathy is way out of my league.
But you're so cool, Kratz.
You're an underground comic book artist, the ace of subtext! [groans.]
[thud.]
Harvey, I wouldn't even know where to start.
Well, why don't you ask her? I don't think you understand how this works.
I mean, ask her in a sneaky way.
You ask Kathy how to win her heart, but you say it's for a friend.
- Does that really work? - Oh, yeah.
She won't suspect a thing.
No one's ever done that before.
Huh.
[peaceful music.]
- Hey, pretty lady.
- Hi, Harvey.
Just trying to get things ready for my livestream - later today.
- I've got a question to submit to you: are you single? Oh, um, you're a really sweet guy, but I think we should keep our relationship professional.
You got the wrong idea.
I'm just asking because I wanted to know if you had a type.
You know, like, a type of guy that you like like, would you be attracted to someone like oh, say, I don't knowKratz? Kratz, the tall, dreamy underground comic artist? The ace of subtext? [giggling nervously.]
Um, I don't know.
I guess.
But too bad he'd never be interested in a girl like me.
[gasps, stammers.]
[computer pings.]
Oh, speaking of handsome devil now, I have a video submission from him.
[computer beeps.]
[clears throat.]
Uh yeah, I have a question.
Uh [whispering.]
Friend! You have a friend.
Oh yeah.
So, I have a friend a friend who isn't me and, uh line? "What should my friend do to impress someone they like? Romantically.
" [giggling.]
Um, hi, Kratz.
It was a really nice surprise seeing your video in my inbox.
[giggling.]
Um, anyway, about your friend.
Now, some say a romantic gesture is the best way to win someone's heart like if somebody got me glow leaves from the Deep Bark Cave, that'd be cool.
Umbut the best approach for your friend is to be honest and open about their feelings.
It's super important just to say how you feel.
[upbeat music.]
Okay! Kratz, Kratz! Did you see Kathy's new video? Yep, and I know what I have to do.
Great.
Good luck, buddy.
I'm so glad he's finally gonna tell her how he feels.
[peaceful music.]
Uh, hey, everyone! Thanks for tuning in.
Today, I'll be answering your questions live.
And then, I don't know, maybe I'll end with a couple leaf reviews.
[laughs.]
Okay, so why don't we get started? Our first video call is from Kratz! Oh, uhhi, Kratz.
Hi, Kathy.
I have a follow-up question regarding earlier.
Remember that cave you were talking about? How do I get out? Wait, what? Why are you in there? No reason.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, um, stay calm.
Uh, trytry heading towards a light source.
Uh, okay.
What can you see? Is it a way out? Uhno.
[monster roars.]
Kratz, what was that? Are you okay? [shouting.]
Cave monster! Okay, okay.
Um try to get to higher ground? [panting, grunts.]
[gasps.]
- Did you get away? - I think so [shouting.]
[bats squeaking.]
Okay, stay calm.
Just try calling for help.
[echoing.]
Help! [echoing, rumbling.]
[stone cracks.]
[shouting.]
Ow, my nervous system.
Hang on, Kratz.
I'm coming to get you.
I'll be there soon, just hold on.
[panting.]
It's real far.
You must be a fast runner.
I've always been - more of an indoor kid.
- Oh, I'm so bad when it comes to exercise.
[chuckles.]
But my advice has always been to just enjoy a long walk every day.
Wow, that's such good advice.
Uh, so, how's the livestream going? It's going great, actually.
I'm getting a ton of views for some reason.
Oh my gosh! I'm so worried about Kratz but I wanna see where all this chemistry is going.
Oh, I guess Kathy likes Kratz.
I'm not jealous.
I'm almost there, Kratz.
Just keep moving.
I think I'll be okay.
I've got a pretty good sense of direction [grunts, shouts.]
Kratz! Are you okay? UhI think so? [monster growling.]
Yeah, Kathy, I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Kratz, no! There's something more important I have to tell you.
[phone beeps.]
Well, I guess that's that.
Go ahead, monster.
I serve no greater purpose.
[roaring.]
[upbeat synth music.]
Uh, hey, Kratz.
Kathy? Uh how's it going? It's great um, I mean, it's good.
Good.
[laughs.]
How are you? Uh, I think I'm good.
- Oh, Kratz.
- Kathy.
Kratz.
[monster roars.]
You stay here.
"Leaf" it to me.
[monster roaring.]
[Kathy growling softly.]
[monster growling.]
Uh [monster growling.]
Hey! What's your problem? [roaring.]
Huh? so, I don't know, now it just feels weird.
I mean, I saw her in the grocery store.
I said hi, but she didn't say hi back.
I thought we had this thing, but now I don't know.
- What am I supposed to do? - Well, honesty is the most important part of any relationship.
You need to tell her how you feel.
Yeah, but what if she doesn't feel the same way? Well, some people are worth taking that risk for.
[gentle music.]
Huh okay cool, cool.
You know, you've really given me a lot to think about, here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Uh, Kathy? II No, wait.
I have to tell you something.
I have to be honest about how I feel.
[inhales deeply.]
Kratz, I I like you! I I like you a lot.
Glow leaves? You take my breath away, Kathy.
Although that could be a collapsed lung.
Anyway, you wanna hang out sometime? Yeah.
I'd like that.
[cheery music.]
[sighs contentedly.]
[music.]
Oh, gosh.
I almost forgot my laptop.
My mom would've been so mad.
Hey, everyone.
Thanks for tuning into the stream.
Today, Kratz and I helped resolve each other's problems, - so, uh - You could say we feel pretty - re-"leaf"-ed.
- Kratz, was that a leaf pun? [both laugh.]
[beeping.]
Oh, my battery.
[grunting.]
[all heaving and panting.]
All right, fellas.
All aboard.
Come on, come on.
[both grunting.]
Thanks again for organizing this cabin retreat, Rooter.
Harvey, how many times do I have to tell you? This is not a cabin retreat.
This is a wilderness trial.
[struggling.]
[grunts, thuds.]
I worry about you guys, so I'm gonna teach you some survival skills.
That way, when the apocalypse comes, you'll be strong, capable men not soft little wiener babies.
I am not a wiener baby [shouts.]
[sobs.]
I just bit my tongue.
All right, before we start, I'm gonna give you guys something my dad gave me when I was just a lad.
Take a gander at this! "Don't Die: A Child's Guide to Survival by Dr.
Myles Idyllwild.
" This is the essential guide to surviving in the wild on your own! Any questions? Where's the boat seatbelts? I can't seem to find mine.
Yeah, and where can I plug in my humidifier? I feel a nasty nosebleed comin'.
Anyone want some artichoke dip? - It's vegan.
- Oh, yeah.
- I love artichoke dip.
- Ooh, ooh, me! Ooh, yeah.
- That sounds wonderful.
- Count me in.
[drum music.]
[group screaming.]
Man, what's with this water? This is nothin' like the water in my bathtub.
Time to get acquainted with your surroundings.
- Now, what do you see? - All I see is a fork.
Ah, but it's dirty.
How am I supposed to eat - my pasta salad? - Now, tell me: what does chapter one say? It says "expect the unexpected"? That's right.
[machinery clanking.]
- Wait, what? - The only way you'll learn to fend for yourselves is if I leave you.
This is for your own good.
[shouting.]
Follow the guidebook! [all shouting.]
Okay, okay nobody panic.
Let's just try to come up with a plan.
Hey, maybe if we think positive and believe in ourselves, we can [all screaming.]
[water splashing.]
[all groaning.]
[sighs.]
Well, I guess I should've read chapter two: "Don't go chasing waterfalls.
" Guys, maybe Rooter's right.
Maybe we are too soft for this crazy world.
From now on, we need to read this book before we do anything.
But we're in the middle of nowhere, with no way to get home.
What's your smart book say - about that? - Well, chapter three says, "Build a shelter.
" [up-tempo music.]
[finger tapping.]
[panicked shouting.]
It's dark! Help! [screaming.]
[panting.]
[stake clatters.]
Ow.
Well, it took a lot of work, but I think our tent turned out great.
It's like a fine hotel, yo.
Now, what to do for food? Chapter four: "foraging and collecting nature's bounty.
" Hey, Harvey, what about these berries over here? Uh, the book says to test before eating.
Okay.
Hey, Kratz, come here.
- Okay.
- Just gonna make sure this is safe.
[berry rustling.]
Yep, there's definitely some poison in there.
It also says red berries in this region are safe to eat.
Oh, did you know that already, Technobear? [munching.]
Know what? Okay.
It took us five hours, but we built a fire.
Man, this book really is a lifesaver.
Hey, Harvey, let me take a turn reading the book.
Sure, Dade.
How about I throw the book - over to you? - Yeah, throw it over to me and I'll catch it with my hands.
Roger that throwin' the book to your hands.
[smack.]
[grunts.]
[book sizzles.]
[screaming.]
[all screaming.]
[screaming and grunting.]
Uh, do something! [all shouting in panic.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! The pages are all messed up.
I hate to say this, but - I think we're on our own now.
- What? You said we wouldn't be able to survive on our own.
I remember! He said that.
- You said that! - Yeah, but - the book's totally ruined.
- Well [stammers.]
Maybe you're just readin' it wrong, buddy.
I'm just gonna look up how to treat my hangnail.
Ah, let's see, here "Cover face with with honey.
" [panting and grunting.]
[bees buzzing.]
[screams.]
Oh, gosh, it stings! [shouts.]
But I don't even notice my finger now, so, see? The guide's still helping us.
Yo, Dade.
What's that book say about punk snakes who won't let go of your arm? Hmm, that's either some sort of vase, or two faces kissin' All right, snake, I'm about to kiss you up.
[smooching, snake hissing.]
That's right, TB, you smooch that thing.
Okay, that makes zero sense.
[coins clattering.]
Guys, I just dropped a bunch of pennies.
- Well, check the guide! - The guide, the guide! Check itcheck the guide.
Check it.
All the back pages are just a bunch of horses laughing at me.
Wow, this really helps put everything - in a new perspective.
- It sure does, bro.
Okay, then I'm just gonna go up on this hillside and see if I can find a way home.
We have the guidebook.
Don't worry, we'll be fine.
Okay, maybe I can see Littlebark from way up here.
Okay, not the scary volcano Oh, heyIra Fingerman.
There's Mustache Mountain, and hey! There's my house.
If we take off now, we'll be home in no time.
Guys! I don't think we're too far from civilization? [flames crackling.]
[mud bubbling.]
[mumbles incoherently.]
[grunting.]
Harvey! Oh, you're alive! I was gone for only five minutes.
Oh, sweet, sweet child.
We endured so many dangers: the plague, the uprising, the second uprising.
The only reason we're still alive is the guide told us what to do.
[apprehensive music.]
What do we do next, guide? Guys, forget the guidebook.
You're all just hurting yourselves.
Now, let's go.
Guys? Why are you just staring at me? What do you mean, "forget the guide"? The guide is the only thing protecting us.
Buddy, I love you, but you sound insane.
Wait, what? What? [percussive chanting music.]
[screams.]
[crickets chirping.]
[snoring.]
The guide was so helpful, but now now it looks like a wet pizza.
They're taking it so literally.
Only if it would say something that would snap them out of it.
[sneaky music.]
Bleh! Follow whatever the guide says, bro.
[all snoring.]
I'm talking in my sleep.
[mud squelches.]
[music.]
[mud squelching.]
[group snoring.]
Protect [snores.]
the guidebook! [panicked shouting.]
- Okay, it's safe.
- Morning, guys.
What's going on? I just woke upin the cage.
How about we check in with the guide? Maybe it says something important.
Hey, there's a new chapter.
"Chapter nine: stop reading me"? "This guide has taught you all it can.
"It's time to put your skills to use and find a way home.
"Also, stop acting like crazy people "and put Band-Aids on those scabs, "because they look infected.
"The end of book.
No more.
"Stop, I mean it.
"Bye, I love you"? Wait, that's it? We're just supposed to move on? [tense string music.]
Guys, you heard what the guidebook said.
[grunts.]
[swooshing.]
[hopeful music.]
[thud.]
Ah, wellyou know.
You get the gesture.
That was beautiful, guys.
Can you let me outta here now? - Oh, of course, buddy.
- What are we gonna do now? Probably die.
No! Being out here has taught us something about ourselves.
We like air conditioning and pillows.
And sometimes baking butter tarts.
The world may be dangerous, but we can survive it just the way we are as soft boys.
[together.]
Yeah! All right, first thing we need to do is find a clear direction towards home.
Hey, hey hey, wait a second.
[sniffs.]
Pumpkin spice vanilla! That's from the scented candle store next to my house.
[sniffing.]
That way! [all panting.]
Oh, no.
[monster roars.]
- Someone do something! - Uh, sir? If you let us go by, I'll give you one of my 20% coupons to "Pillows, Sinks, & Further.
" [growls approvingly.]
[up-tempo music.]
I'm a little teapot [together.]
# Short and stout # Here is my handle [together.]
# Here is my spout # When I get all steamed up, hear me shout Tip me over and pour me out Oh, no! There's mud blocking our path.
Yo, yo, yo.
We need some of those super legit cleats they use for climbing mountains.
Where are we gonna get 'em, though? Oh, well, I don't know about cleats, but I happen to have the entire wardrobe from last year's Littlebark Dance Extravaganza.
Gentlemen, how do we feel about heels? [together.]
Ooh.
Left, left Left, height, left [together.]
# Left, left # Left, height, left Boys, it's no easy feat to survive in the wild.
You gave it your all.
Harvey, you didn't make it, but you spent your last moments in the woods, like men.
Dade, Technobear, et cetera.
You were like brothers to me weak, wiener-baby brothers.
And I know, if you were here - right now, you'd say - Stop the funeral! The soft boys have returned.
[upbeat music.]
- You guys survived! - And we did half of it - by ourselves.
- I'm so proud! You boys are tougher than I thought.
[thudding, groaning.]
Ow, owwie