Lucky Hank (2023) s01e03 Episode Script
Escape
1
William: I always wonder if I got
this positive review in the Times
'cause Dad called in a favor.
♪
That reviewer loved your father.
♪
I mean, really loved him.
They have not filled
the position at Carlisle.
Whoa.
Yeah, I know.
I'm in excruciating pain. [GRUNTS]
I can feel the stone passing.
It could be due to stress.
♪
I'm submitting an alternate budget.
Think about what you can pull off
with three less professors.
[CAR ENGINE TURNING OVER]
[CRASH]
["MONDAY, MONDAY" BY THE
MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYS]
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Monday, Monday ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
So good to me ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Shit!
Monday mornin' ♪
It was all ♪
- Shit!
- I hoped it would be ♪
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Oh, Monday morning ♪
- [CRASH]
- [SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
[RUMBLING]
Shaking.
You want me to do something different?
The room is shaking.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
Hey, hey, hey! What's this?
What are you doing?
[MAN] Dropping your stuff off.
This isn't my stuff.
Are you 44 Allegheny?
Yeah.
Wait! Why did you drop
it in front of my garage?
I can't get my car out.
You actually use that garage?
Let me say this again, okay?
Can you get this giant hunk of metal
out of my goddamn driveway?
What's going on?
He says he's gotta deliver this here.
Well, obviously, there's a mistake.
No mistake. 44 Allegheny.
He just confirmed it.
If you need to arrange a pick-up,
call the number at the bottom.
Have a nice day.
You have a nice day.
Hey, let's get a beer later!
It's from New York.
West 112th Street.
Oh, isn't that Columbia?
Yeah.
That's my dad.
Maybe it's a pony.
It's a pleasure speaking
with you again, Marnie,
and thank you for picking up.
This is Hank Devereaux,
the one and only.
Now, cut to the chase,
there's a giant metal box
parked at the end of my driveway.
It's actually blocking my car in.
Can't you get around it?
No, I can't.
I don't I don't think that I can.
Um, so, look, what is it?
It's your father's office.
We packed it up.
Okay, and you put it in a box,
and then, well, you sent it to me.
You're doing great.
Mr. Devereaux Jr., I called you
- Not junior.
- several times
and you never got back to me.
Yeah, and I'm really
sorry about that right now.
Jump ahead.
Look, why did you send it to me?
He needs a place to keep it.
But why me?
I mean, we're hours away.
And look, if you
wanted to get rid of it,
why didn't you just throw it out,
I don't know, donate it, raffle it off?
You could melt it all down
and exchange it for something
more precious, like sand.
- Too much?
- It's just not funny.
He'll be able to access
it when he gets there.
What do you mean, when he gets here?
I think this should
come from your father.
Well, so much should
have come from my father,
but it is what it is, Marnie.
[HANK SR.] Hello?
Hello?
Hank?
- Hank?
- [HANK ENDS CALL]
He can't think this is okay?
Right? To come here?
He might.
Does he think I'm going
to take care of him?
I don't know.
After he just left us,
just walked out and
never stayed in touch,
not a word to me or
Mom in over 15 years?
Should you warn your mother?
Lily, the number of times
that he betrayed her,
he cheated on her.
One more knife in the back,
I think she's a goner.
I don't know. I think
she's pretty resilient.
Yeah.
[HANK, THINKING] When
you abandon your kids,
you should have to sign a release
that says you understand
you will never be
welcomed into their home.
The release could be available
at every Walgreens, or Walmart,
wherever you buy your fungal ointment.
All family obligations
would be then wiped clean.
Feel free to die in the
Airbnb of your choice.
- [LINE RINGING]
- [LAUREL] Hello, Hank.
Oh, hey, Mom. Are you sitting down?
I most certainly am not.
I sat enough in my life.
Well, you'll never believe
what your ex-husband did.
Oh?
He basically dumped
the entire contents of his office
into my front driveway.
He might be coming here.
That whole thing in the newspaper,
"I'm going to spend more
time with my family,"
I thought that was just a sick joke.
Oh, dear.
[♪♪]
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Oh, God.
Jason!
Stop that and put it away!
- Oh, that's going to be
- So gross!
[STUDENT] So disgusting!
[LILY] Pierre!
I need you.
There was a
there's urine all over the
lockers and hall near the library.
Nope.
I'm sorry?
Don't do urine.
Don't do feces.
You do mopping, right?
Not urine.
Pierre, everybody really appreciates
all the hard work you
do here at the school.
We wouldn't be able
to get by without you.
I don't do urine.
Yes, but I'm sure
that you can understand
that the students need
a urine-free environment.
I mean, this really isn't an option.
It is. I won't.
Clean the urine!
Don't do urine.
[PRINCIPAL] He just said he won't?
Yeah, that's what he said.
Huh.
What do you think we should do?
I mean, if the man won't do his job,
then I think that he
needs to be replaced.
I think you're right.
There's a union hearing
he gets, I think,
and, uh, if I'm remembering correctly,
he gets an appeal.
Christmas, maybe?
I'm sorry, what do we do
about the urine that is in the hallway?
The weekend crew will get it.
But it's Monday.
Mm.
There is urine in the hallway.
[HANK, THINKING] Okay, I'll admit it,
I was a difficult boy,
and I've always been a difficult man
a fact easily confirmed by
unlucky people around me.
But the extent of the pain
I'm willing to inflict?
Come on, there's no
comparing me to my father.
I specialize in minor strife
and insignificant irritation.
That's my lane.
My father is into life derailment.
[HONK!]
Shoo! Get outta here.
I saved your ass.
What's wrong with you?
I was too happy. I'm
trying to bring myself down.
I can help.
Did you hear any of
those rumors about a list?
No.
Ah, well, there's this
crazy rumor going around
that President Pope
has asked me to get a list
from my department heads,
naming 20% of their
faculty that can be cut.
An actual list with actual
names of human beings?
That's the rumor.
Crazy rumor.
I'm going to need that list.
What? Really?
I know.
It's this guy, Dickie Pope.
He's a real killer.
They say he was Jeb Bush's
spanking partner in Skull and Bones.
Well, I hope he hit hard.
20% of the adjuncts, too?
Absolutely not.
They're half the price.
You should load them up.
Yeah, I'm not making a list.
I know, and I'm not asking you to.
End of the week. Don't tell anyone.
They're just going to freak out.
We don't want to cause any distress
[QUIGLEY] There's Spanky.
We know about the rumors.
He's not going to tell us anything.
Hank
we all have a right to know.
Can you not be yourself
and be straight with us for one minute?
[EMMA] My friend in sociology
heard there were going to be cuts.
My friend in history said the same.
It's possible they
heard it from each other,
but also possible it was
two independent sources.
If history is to repeat itself,
which it is wont to do,
bore that it is,
then we are waltzing a waltz
that we have waltzed before.
We need not fear a misstep or a st
[EMMA] Finny!
[GRACIE] We've earned the truth, Hank.
We demand the truth.
It's all true.
I'm gonna go make a list now, okay?
They wanted me to lie to you,
to tell you it wasn't happening.
They were concerned
that you might panic,
but I said no. No, they're all adults.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[♪♪]
Still waiting for my recommendation.
What's going on?
Don't become a professor.
Just stay an adjunct.
There's more freedom that way.
If you get this job,
you will throw yourself
into your teaching,
but it won't be long
before you realize you
can't help these kids.
There's more promise in a
senior-citizen yoga class.
They're not that bad.
Yeah, so fine,
you will throw yourself into
your writing, but guess what?
Selling 460 copies of your novel
about being a professor in a small town,
that's not as exciting to
your publisher as you imagine.
So, finally, you decide, you know what,
I'll just use my chairmanship
to torment my arrogant, petty,
self-obsessed colleagues.
Hey, lay off my mom.
But it's not too long before
even that holds no joy.
You will be trapped
by tenure in this town,
and you will regret it.
Hank, slide over.
No, sit there.
I'm getting close for effect.
You know how good a teacher I am.
Just because I haven't
published that first book yet,
I'm invisible unless I have the
endorsement of someone like you.
You know what?
If I don't get tenure here now,
I will have to move,
probably to, like,
Nebraska or something
Okay, I get it.
Or I would stay an adjunct,
and if I want to make
anything more than my rent,
I've gotta keep tending
bar in this shithole!
Sorry, guys, you know I love you.
Hank, don't tell me that tenure's
not a big deal when you have it.
I'm not even on track for it.
[♪♪]
You write it, I'll sign it,
but I won't read it.
I could write anything?
Go nuts.
That we're lovers?
Yeah, if you think that will help.
Well, I'd have to describe your penis.
It's square.
Color?
Okay. Okay, go.
[FINNY] I have a friend at Haverford.
He told me they had an opening
for a comp lit associate last spring.
They received 314 applicants. 314!
God, it is the worst
time to be an academic.
Do you think they filled it yet?
Mm you're media studies.
I could teach comp lit.
- Emma.
- I could.
No one from Railton is
getting a job at Haverford.
Or anywhere.
My point was the applicant pool
was the largest they've ever had.
You don't have a friend at Haverford.
[GRACIE] Any attentive Dean would know
Paul Rourke is not interested
in teaching freshman courses.
Yes, Jacob, I do have
a point, and that is
if there is a decision to be made,
it won't escape anyone's attention
that there are two poetry professors
in this department.
One of them is stuck
in the 18th century,
and the other receives
consistently higher cue scores
and can teach anything in the canon.
Well, if you like my confidence,
then you should tell
Hank what I just told you.
Don't flirt with me, Jacob.
I'm not in the mood.
[ENDS CALL]
The character's circumstances are dark,
and with the imagery
of light and darkness,
- the
- [DOOR OPENING]
well, her inner monologue is
is
energetic,
so it never bogs down
I need to talk to you.
This class has three more minutes.
[HANK, THINKING] Some
men can pull off a vest.
I don't know if it's
the shape of his arms,
or just his vest-y attitude,
either way, I am jealous as hell.
Okay, class is over.
They, uh
they tell me you're
going to make a list.
Yeah, I'm looking for my stencils.
I'm thinking of a decorative border.
I spoke with Leslie Schonberg.
Ms. Schonberg?
Oh! My second-grade teacher.
As our union rep,
she says that we don't
have to take this,
and I agree.
I guess we could all run
away and hide together.
We need a big enough building
abandoned factory, but spiders.
Okay, shut up.
Instead of a list, here's what you do.
You give them a signed
statement of solidarity,
all the departments, all the faculty.
We make sure those bozos in Harrisburg
know that we're not playing around.
They won't want a full
walk-out on their hands.
What if they do
want a full walk-out on their hands?
Why would they want that?
To test out their new sneaker gloves?
What the hell is it with you?
What do you even want?
Whose side are you on?
[DOOR CLOSES]
We know what we bring to the table.
And we know you know. We
don't have to enumerate it.
But do others know?
Do they know about our publications?
Do they know about our scholar
Guys, can I just stop you
before you settle into a rhythm?
And I appreciate you saying
that this would be a short meeting,
but I have to ask what the topic is.
The cuts. The list.
The list.
- Hank told us.
- Oh.
He told us you told him.
And he told us that you
told him not to tell us,
so you didn't hear this from us.
[TEDDY] We know the university
bias towards seniority.
We're the most recent
tenure-track hires,
and if seniority is, in
fact, an element here,
we just need to make sure
that people are acutely aware
of everything else we have to offer.
Well, until the legislature,
which is 100 miles away,
passes a budget for us,
there's nothing to discuss.
There's nothing for you to do,
so there's no point in worrying.
Okay, Dean
Okay. Okay.
There is a new committee.
I think we're a little
all over the place.
Well, we need more members.
What about your roommates?
I can talk to them.
What do they look like?
If they're too hot,
no one is going to take us seriously.
We need a mission statement.
Yes, we do.
Um
okay.
Okay, take this down.
Wait, so am I a secretary?
- I'll do it.
- I'm doing it.
Is this the Excellence Committee?
We're allowed to be here.
Oh, we know. We know.
I'm Professor Washington-Chen,
and so is he.
We are here at Dean Rose's behest.
We're your faculty advisors.
Uh, that's an obvious
conflict of interest.
No, no, it's a confluence of interest.
We couldn't be more on board
with what you're trying to do.
Mm-hmm, and we believe that our support
will help you have a
greater impact on the school.
The community needs to
know that they can trust us,
and that means that we
need to have some teeth,
and at times, we're
going to need to bite.
We can't have faculty saying
that we can't ruffle feathers.
We're not pulling punches.
[TEDDY] Pull punches?
No, no.
No.
Hey, look, we're here
to help you hit harder,
bite better.
Yeah, what was the other metaphor?
- Feathers.
- Right.
Uh, fly higher.
"Fly higher"?
[TEDDY] Mm-hmm.
I like it.
Take that down. "Fly higher."
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
Hey.
Hey, something wrong?
Is something wrong?
What, are you kidding?
Is this about that ?
Well, obviously, I'm
gonna be on your list.
You know what? Never mind.
- It's just
- I'm sorry.
You know But think about
Sorry.
But you don't have to
[SIGHS]
[CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Hey, what's up?
They want me to make a
list of people to fire.
Oh, shit. Are you going to?
Of course not.
I'll bet my father
would have made a list.
Just for fun.
[LILY] He was never Chair.
[HANK] Hmm, before he let Mom and me go,
I bet he made a list of us.
[LILY] I I don't know, Hank.
What are you going to do?
[HANK] Well
Ithink I might have a yard sale.
["LOW" BY BONFIRE NIGHTS PLAYS]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Oh, you jerks.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[LAUREL] "Dear Henry,
I just finished your manuscript,
and it is some of your
best work to date."
" You must not let Columbia
treat you as any other professor "
" Most modern literary critiques
owe you a tremendous debt "
"A three percent raise
is the least you should accept "
" I'm sorry to hear
about Stephanie leaving you.
I'm not entirely surprised."
" I've been thinking it over
and it seems best that I tell Hank."
" Though much time has passed,
next summer, please
consider staying with me."
" Hank is now out of the house,
so you won't be bothered
with any unwelcome distractions "
" You're very welcome in my home
and to consider it your home as well.
In time, I'm certain that
Hank will feel the same."
[CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Oh!
For Christ's sake.
[GROANS]
["MONDAY, MONDAY" BY THE
MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYS]
- [CRASH]
- Damn!
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMING]
[HANK SR.] How can I get any work done
when he's always in my office?
There's too many
distractions in this house.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
- [CLOCK CHIMING]
- [PAUL, PRESENT DAY] Hank!
[POUNDING ON GLASS]
Hank!
Hank! What the hell did
you think you were doing?
I must have, uh, passed out
because of the kidney stone.
You lazy son of a bitch!
Will you help me?
[PAUL] We've gotta talk.
I've got our union rep here.
Will you drive me to my mother's?
How old are you?
You two aren't gonna
Jimmy Hoffa me, are you?
I don't go for B.S.
I never see any reason
my cards shouldn't be
face-up on the table.
Unless you're playing cards.
[HANK, THINKING]
Sitting in the back seat
as an adult
it can be either
infantalizing or empowering
like you're being chauffeured
around like a boss
and I literally am the boss,
but I feel like an infant.
We both know you've had
your differences with
the union over the years,
pretty much from the beginning.
Yeah, I've had my differences
with the other side, too.
You're not the only ones
who think I'm a prick.
I'm not just talking about
these grievances against you.
I know it runs deeper than that.
You think we defend incompetence,
promote mediocrity.
I wish you would promote mediocrity.
We'd all get promotions.
What I'm saying is
nobody expects you
to become a union man.
We win this thing, we beat Dickie Pope
and all his corporate education B.S.,
and you can go right back
to the way you were before.
Younger? You going to make me younger?
See?
I told you there was no
point in talking to this guy.
He doesn't care about anything.
Everything's a joke to him.
Yeah, everything's a joke,
but they're not all funny.
[" BADINERIE FROM SUITE NO.
2 IN B MINOR" BY BACH PLAYING]
[♪♪]
So gross.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
What are these?
Flowers.
Aren't they pretty?
I picked them myself.
I'm not reimbursing you for this.
Jack, I needed those supplies.
You know that.
I didn't approve this.
Are you kidding me?
There was piss in the hall,
and I couldn't use the janitor's mop
because, apparently,
opening his closet is a union job.
We don't have a
cleaning-supplies budget.
There was piss
in the
I know that.
You have an emergency fund.
Not every piss can be an emergency.
We need to save some
for good emergencies,
like pizza for when
they do something good.
You have to ask first. I'm sorry.
Jack!
I'm taking a personal day next week
to interview at Arlyle.
Yeah, I'm going to New York
to interview at the Arlyle School.
Oh.
Have fun.
Send me a postcard,
and I'll send you one,
from England,
where I'll be auditioning
for the role of Henry
Higgins at the Globe.
So you want to work here?
Yeah, um,
if you want someone to work here,
I can do that.
Do you have a résumé?
Not with me.
So your father-in-law
tells me you're an idiot.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Yeah, he does say that.
I should be offended,
but that's, like, his defense.
You know, like, he uses
sarcasm to mask his pain.
Oh
Hank has a lot of pain?
Yeah.
I mean, you know,
guys of that generation
and their dads
you know, they were all
spanked, or whatever.
So Hank is his father's fault?
Well, yeah, Julie
thinks it's his father.
I think it's his mother, actually.
You've never met a
colder woman in your life.
It's like trying to have a conversation
with an ice sculpture.
I think that's where the
real abandonment comes from.
Actually, I think it
goes way darker than that.
I don't know if it's his work or
if he's in a terrible
marriage, or what
but it's bad.
It's kind of hard to tell
with that guy, though.
You know.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Why do you think
that he's reluctant
to support my tenure?
Because I know he respects me.
Yeah
I don't know, that's a tough one.
I mean, look, he respects me too.
I feel like the thing about Hank is
the guy can't make a decision.
He gets paralyzed by his own brain.
He's such a little boy sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm his dad.
I feel like you might
be being hard on him.
Because I know how Hank
feels about this town.
I mean, so I want to
be a college professor,
more than anything here,
but
I also know that there's a ceiling.
And
I think that Hank is
self-aware enough to understand
that Railton College, it's
not a destination
for anyone,
really, right?
It's like a
it's not even the
highlight of the journey.
I don't know.
I
I just see it differently.
I think the location is the illusion.
I think the adventure's
gotta be up here.
And here.
And a little bit down there, too.
And here, a little bit, too.
Maybe.
You never know.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'll be there shortly. Thanks.
Meg?
Where is she?
She found Hank's whiskey.
[♪♪]
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
No.
Damn Spanky!
Damn college.
This place is a disgrace!
Uh-huh, it's a disgrace.
I'm still paying off Lucy's
tuition, for God's sake,
and they don't care!
Nobody cares.
- Okay, Mom.
- I'm going to sit.
- No!
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
I hope you weren't
expecting anything to eat.
I haven't been to the market today.
I have some crackers.
I don't know whether they're stale.
I'm fine.
I was in the middle of my column.
Oliver, the homeless man
that lives on Rail Street,
has been sent to a halfway house.
Apparently, he's happy there.
Mom, there's something I
want to talk to you about.
Oh.
All right.
Just tell me what these are.
Oh, my goodness.
He saved them.
That can't be the first thing you say.
No.
I see that.
Hank, I have been
corresponding with your father
for some time now.
Yeah. Why don't you jump ahead
to the part that I haven't figured out
from having read them already?
You read my letters?
No, no,
you are not turning this around on me.
Now, what I did was a minor infraction.
What you did here was a felony.
And what was the felony?
Writing to my husband?
Ex! Ex-husband.
You know as well as I do
you've been acting like
we've been on the same
page this whole time,
like he hasn't contacted
you either in 20 years.
You're envious.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I never made any promises to you.
You haven't?
Don't you remember when he left us?
Hmm?
You remember what happened?
You said to me
"It's just you and me now."
Oh, stop it.
No, he abandoned us.
He abandoned you.
He moved away from me, and
now he's moving back.
No. No, he's not.
Well, that's not your decision, Hank.
Yeah, well, it's partly mine.
No, it's not.
I've invited him to
stay, and he accepted.
[HANK SIGHS]
[MARNIE] You have reached
Professor Devereaux's office.
Please leave a message after the tone.
[BEEP]
Hey, Dad, it's Hank.
Your son.
Couple things.
One, congrats on your retirement.
I hope you have some plans to relax.
I was meaning to send
you a set of paints.
That worked well for George W., which
that brings me to number two.
It's kind of the big one.
I've been holding on to a
lot of anger towards you,
and the more I think about it
the more
appropriate it seems.
It's well-earned.
So
you're not welcome here.
Don't come to Railton.
Enjoy the rest of the globe.
[JULIE] Dad?
Dad, are you okay?
Dad?
Did you really not hear me come in?
Is one of you moving out?
Huh? What?
The moving pod out front?
Uh
It's true, isn't it?
You know, I knew something
was going on with you guys.
What? No. It's a mistake.
I'm taking care of that.
What You want to sit
down, stay for lunch?
Yeah.
All right. I've got some
I've got some good bread
and, uh, ham and cheese.
I can make a grilled cheese.
[JULIE] Dad, I think
I'm in over my head.
I just
I don't know. I don't
know. I just feel
Let's talk about it.
We'll figure it out.
I started on this path a while ago,
and I started making all these choices,
and
- like with the pool.
- Uh-huh.
[SIGHS]
I just feel like
I started on this path a while ago,
and then I started
making all these choices,
like with the pool,
and now there's a
freaking rented backhoe
stuck in a hole in my backyard,
and I don't know how to get it out,
and everything is starting
to feel really overwhelming.
Yes, well, that's okay.
I mean, everybody gets there sometimes.
Yeah?
Here's the great thing, right?
You're not locked in.
Right? You can get out.
You're 24.
You can do anything.
Yeah, I know.
What do you what do you mean?
You can move to New York,
or Nashville,
anywhere where there's opportunity.
What are you talking about?
Are you trying to get me to leave?
No.
Well
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I was talking about one
DIY project that went wrong,
one project, and now you're trying
to use it to kick me out of town?
I'm not kicking you out.
Yeah, I'm not an idiot, Dad.
I didn't understand.
It is obvious to me
that I have not lived up to
all of your expectations
I never said anything
I didn't go to grad school,
or, like, write a bunch of books,
and I'm not super ambitious
like you and Grandpa,
and I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry that my whole life goal
wasn't to, like, achieve
stuff, or something,
but I like it here, and
I'm going to stay here.
You don't have anything to say?
You rented a backhoe?
Here.
For your troubles.
Thanks.
I'm gonna need a lot more of these.
Okay, so it's true.
How deep are the cuts going?
I don't know.
Oh My mom is really worried.
Yeah.
Yeah, she is not doing great.
Hank, I'm not blaming you.
I'll take care of her if I need to.
You know that.
Well, you're a lot better
daughter than I am a son.
I just left a message for my father
telling him he's not welcome here, ever.
Did you really?
Yeah, I did.
You don't even like it here, Hank.
Nobody does.
Yeah, no shit. We should all get out.
Can't. Tenure.
Can't. Mother.
Looks like we're both trapped here, huh?
[HANK, THINKING] When did she
start with the nose jewelry?
I mean, it's cute, but I'm not fooled.
It's a cry for help.
If nobody answers,
the next thing is gonna be crazy hats,
balloon pants,
and then she's riding a
unicycle down Main Street.
Meg, hey.
Listen
What?
They're instituting a hiring freeze.
There's not going to be any tenure
track positions for a long time.
For how long?
Years.
It's bleak.
Goddamn this place.
With these cuts,
I'm not going to be able
to give you any classes next semester.
Hey, you've got a killer resume,
and you're young for academia.
Your scholarship covers
all the hot topics.
Any school would jump at the chance,
even in this job market.
You should be out there looking around.
Seriously.
Yeah, I've got a better idea.
["SILVER TIMOTHY" BY
DAMIEN JURADO PLAYING]
I'll take I'll take one.
You want one?
[HANK] This is the good stuff?
[MEG] Yeah.
I was met on the road ♪
By a face that was mine ♪
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Spots on the irises bleed ♪
Where the numbers were born ♪
[♪♪]
Go back down don't
touch the ground ♪
Go back down don't
touch the ground ♪
[♪♪]
Careful with the table there.
Yeah. Yeah.
[♪♪]
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna get you a glass of water.
Okay.
Good night, Meg.
[HANK, THINKING] I was at the movies.
The restaurant.
A bar.
At the dentist.
I ran into Tony, and he needed a talk.
Oh
who cares where I was?
I mean, what, do I ask you
every damn thing about your life?
Come on, what, are we married now?
Yeah yeah, we are.
- You're still up.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm wiped.
I bet.
It's way past your bedtime.
Were you with Tony?
No, actually.
I was in the company
of a very attractive, young,
single, 30-something woman.
Mm. By the name of?
Meg Quigley.
Oh, you're working your way
through your bucket list.
You're my bucket list, baby.
She She was really drunk.
I had to drive her home.
Did you get any?
No.
Uh, we did end up in the bedroom,
and clothes were shed.
I mean, hers, not mine.
Is that is that true?
And I was forced to flee
to protect her honor,
and my honor, and your honor.
How lucky for all of
us that you were there.
Thank you.
She was really upset
because I told her classes aren't
happening for her this fall.
[LILY] That's terrible.
[HANK] No, it's not.
Somebody has to kick
her out of the nest.
I told her the classes
well, they're cut.
But are they?
[HANK] Well, no.
Did you lie to her?
Well, she was never going to leave.
She thinks she has to
take care of her mom.
Somebody has to end
this madness for her.
[LILY] But she had told
you that she wanted to stay.
Jesus Christ, Hank.
You're projecting all of
your shit onto everybody else.
What?
Julie, Meg,
telling everybody
they should leave town.
What is that?
Do you hate it here?
I take the fifth.
You can't treat
Forget it.
I talked to Tom.
I'm going to go to New York this week.
I'm going to interview
for that Arlyle job.
Yeah? You
Okay.
["GOTTA CHEER UP" BY
COTTON JONES PLAYING]
Come before us come the dark ♪
All the colors of your heart ♪
All the whistle in your park ♪
Children swimming through the sparks ♪
I was footing around ♪
- ALL: No cutting jobs!
- WOMAN: You spelled "humanities" wrong.
I know that you care
about those professors,
despite the fact that you
would never admit that.
President Dickie Pope.
You are the only department head
who has not submitted a
list of faculty to cut.
In that way I'm outstanding.
Lily. This interview could
give me some leverage.
Leverage?
The key thing to any organized
protest is that we're unified.
I will box a goose a day.
That man is chair over
the English department.
♪
[♪♪]
William: I always wonder if I got
this positive review in the Times
'cause Dad called in a favor.
♪
That reviewer loved your father.
♪
I mean, really loved him.
They have not filled
the position at Carlisle.
Whoa.
Yeah, I know.
I'm in excruciating pain. [GRUNTS]
I can feel the stone passing.
It could be due to stress.
♪
I'm submitting an alternate budget.
Think about what you can pull off
with three less professors.
[CAR ENGINE TURNING OVER]
[CRASH]
["MONDAY, MONDAY" BY THE
MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYS]
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Monday, Monday ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
So good to me ♪
Bah-da, bah-da-da-da ♪
Shit!
Monday mornin' ♪
It was all ♪
- Shit!
- I hoped it would be ♪
[TIRES SQUEALING]
Oh, Monday morning ♪
- [CRASH]
- [SONG ENDS ABRUPTLY]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
[RUMBLING]
Shaking.
You want me to do something different?
The room is shaking.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
Hey, hey, hey! What's this?
What are you doing?
[MAN] Dropping your stuff off.
This isn't my stuff.
Are you 44 Allegheny?
Yeah.
Wait! Why did you drop
it in front of my garage?
I can't get my car out.
You actually use that garage?
Let me say this again, okay?
Can you get this giant hunk of metal
out of my goddamn driveway?
What's going on?
He says he's gotta deliver this here.
Well, obviously, there's a mistake.
No mistake. 44 Allegheny.
He just confirmed it.
If you need to arrange a pick-up,
call the number at the bottom.
Have a nice day.
You have a nice day.
Hey, let's get a beer later!
It's from New York.
West 112th Street.
Oh, isn't that Columbia?
Yeah.
That's my dad.
Maybe it's a pony.
It's a pleasure speaking
with you again, Marnie,
and thank you for picking up.
This is Hank Devereaux,
the one and only.
Now, cut to the chase,
there's a giant metal box
parked at the end of my driveway.
It's actually blocking my car in.
Can't you get around it?
No, I can't.
I don't I don't think that I can.
Um, so, look, what is it?
It's your father's office.
We packed it up.
Okay, and you put it in a box,
and then, well, you sent it to me.
You're doing great.
Mr. Devereaux Jr., I called you
- Not junior.
- several times
and you never got back to me.
Yeah, and I'm really
sorry about that right now.
Jump ahead.
Look, why did you send it to me?
He needs a place to keep it.
But why me?
I mean, we're hours away.
And look, if you
wanted to get rid of it,
why didn't you just throw it out,
I don't know, donate it, raffle it off?
You could melt it all down
and exchange it for something
more precious, like sand.
- Too much?
- It's just not funny.
He'll be able to access
it when he gets there.
What do you mean, when he gets here?
I think this should
come from your father.
Well, so much should
have come from my father,
but it is what it is, Marnie.
[HANK SR.] Hello?
Hello?
Hank?
- Hank?
- [HANK ENDS CALL]
He can't think this is okay?
Right? To come here?
He might.
Does he think I'm going
to take care of him?
I don't know.
After he just left us,
just walked out and
never stayed in touch,
not a word to me or
Mom in over 15 years?
Should you warn your mother?
Lily, the number of times
that he betrayed her,
he cheated on her.
One more knife in the back,
I think she's a goner.
I don't know. I think
she's pretty resilient.
Yeah.
[HANK, THINKING] When
you abandon your kids,
you should have to sign a release
that says you understand
you will never be
welcomed into their home.
The release could be available
at every Walgreens, or Walmart,
wherever you buy your fungal ointment.
All family obligations
would be then wiped clean.
Feel free to die in the
Airbnb of your choice.
- [LINE RINGING]
- [LAUREL] Hello, Hank.
Oh, hey, Mom. Are you sitting down?
I most certainly am not.
I sat enough in my life.
Well, you'll never believe
what your ex-husband did.
Oh?
He basically dumped
the entire contents of his office
into my front driveway.
He might be coming here.
That whole thing in the newspaper,
"I'm going to spend more
time with my family,"
I thought that was just a sick joke.
Oh, dear.
[♪♪]
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
Oh, God.
Jason!
Stop that and put it away!
- Oh, that's going to be
- So gross!
[STUDENT] So disgusting!
[LILY] Pierre!
I need you.
There was a
there's urine all over the
lockers and hall near the library.
Nope.
I'm sorry?
Don't do urine.
Don't do feces.
You do mopping, right?
Not urine.
Pierre, everybody really appreciates
all the hard work you
do here at the school.
We wouldn't be able
to get by without you.
I don't do urine.
Yes, but I'm sure
that you can understand
that the students need
a urine-free environment.
I mean, this really isn't an option.
It is. I won't.
Clean the urine!
Don't do urine.
[PRINCIPAL] He just said he won't?
Yeah, that's what he said.
Huh.
What do you think we should do?
I mean, if the man won't do his job,
then I think that he
needs to be replaced.
I think you're right.
There's a union hearing
he gets, I think,
and, uh, if I'm remembering correctly,
he gets an appeal.
Christmas, maybe?
I'm sorry, what do we do
about the urine that is in the hallway?
The weekend crew will get it.
But it's Monday.
Mm.
There is urine in the hallway.
[HANK, THINKING] Okay, I'll admit it,
I was a difficult boy,
and I've always been a difficult man
a fact easily confirmed by
unlucky people around me.
But the extent of the pain
I'm willing to inflict?
Come on, there's no
comparing me to my father.
I specialize in minor strife
and insignificant irritation.
That's my lane.
My father is into life derailment.
[HONK!]
Shoo! Get outta here.
I saved your ass.
What's wrong with you?
I was too happy. I'm
trying to bring myself down.
I can help.
Did you hear any of
those rumors about a list?
No.
Ah, well, there's this
crazy rumor going around
that President Pope
has asked me to get a list
from my department heads,
naming 20% of their
faculty that can be cut.
An actual list with actual
names of human beings?
That's the rumor.
Crazy rumor.
I'm going to need that list.
What? Really?
I know.
It's this guy, Dickie Pope.
He's a real killer.
They say he was Jeb Bush's
spanking partner in Skull and Bones.
Well, I hope he hit hard.
20% of the adjuncts, too?
Absolutely not.
They're half the price.
You should load them up.
Yeah, I'm not making a list.
I know, and I'm not asking you to.
End of the week. Don't tell anyone.
They're just going to freak out.
We don't want to cause any distress
[QUIGLEY] There's Spanky.
We know about the rumors.
He's not going to tell us anything.
Hank
we all have a right to know.
Can you not be yourself
and be straight with us for one minute?
[EMMA] My friend in sociology
heard there were going to be cuts.
My friend in history said the same.
It's possible they
heard it from each other,
but also possible it was
two independent sources.
If history is to repeat itself,
which it is wont to do,
bore that it is,
then we are waltzing a waltz
that we have waltzed before.
We need not fear a misstep or a st
[EMMA] Finny!
[GRACIE] We've earned the truth, Hank.
We demand the truth.
It's all true.
I'm gonna go make a list now, okay?
They wanted me to lie to you,
to tell you it wasn't happening.
They were concerned
that you might panic,
but I said no. No, they're all adults.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[♪♪]
Still waiting for my recommendation.
What's going on?
Don't become a professor.
Just stay an adjunct.
There's more freedom that way.
If you get this job,
you will throw yourself
into your teaching,
but it won't be long
before you realize you
can't help these kids.
There's more promise in a
senior-citizen yoga class.
They're not that bad.
Yeah, so fine,
you will throw yourself into
your writing, but guess what?
Selling 460 copies of your novel
about being a professor in a small town,
that's not as exciting to
your publisher as you imagine.
So, finally, you decide, you know what,
I'll just use my chairmanship
to torment my arrogant, petty,
self-obsessed colleagues.
Hey, lay off my mom.
But it's not too long before
even that holds no joy.
You will be trapped
by tenure in this town,
and you will regret it.
Hank, slide over.
No, sit there.
I'm getting close for effect.
You know how good a teacher I am.
Just because I haven't
published that first book yet,
I'm invisible unless I have the
endorsement of someone like you.
You know what?
If I don't get tenure here now,
I will have to move,
probably to, like,
Nebraska or something
Okay, I get it.
Or I would stay an adjunct,
and if I want to make
anything more than my rent,
I've gotta keep tending
bar in this shithole!
Sorry, guys, you know I love you.
Hank, don't tell me that tenure's
not a big deal when you have it.
I'm not even on track for it.
[♪♪]
You write it, I'll sign it,
but I won't read it.
I could write anything?
Go nuts.
That we're lovers?
Yeah, if you think that will help.
Well, I'd have to describe your penis.
It's square.
Color?
Okay. Okay, go.
[FINNY] I have a friend at Haverford.
He told me they had an opening
for a comp lit associate last spring.
They received 314 applicants. 314!
God, it is the worst
time to be an academic.
Do you think they filled it yet?
Mm you're media studies.
I could teach comp lit.
- Emma.
- I could.
No one from Railton is
getting a job at Haverford.
Or anywhere.
My point was the applicant pool
was the largest they've ever had.
You don't have a friend at Haverford.
[GRACIE] Any attentive Dean would know
Paul Rourke is not interested
in teaching freshman courses.
Yes, Jacob, I do have
a point, and that is
if there is a decision to be made,
it won't escape anyone's attention
that there are two poetry professors
in this department.
One of them is stuck
in the 18th century,
and the other receives
consistently higher cue scores
and can teach anything in the canon.
Well, if you like my confidence,
then you should tell
Hank what I just told you.
Don't flirt with me, Jacob.
I'm not in the mood.
[ENDS CALL]
The character's circumstances are dark,
and with the imagery
of light and darkness,
- the
- [DOOR OPENING]
well, her inner monologue is
is
energetic,
so it never bogs down
I need to talk to you.
This class has three more minutes.
[HANK, THINKING] Some
men can pull off a vest.
I don't know if it's
the shape of his arms,
or just his vest-y attitude,
either way, I am jealous as hell.
Okay, class is over.
They, uh
they tell me you're
going to make a list.
Yeah, I'm looking for my stencils.
I'm thinking of a decorative border.
I spoke with Leslie Schonberg.
Ms. Schonberg?
Oh! My second-grade teacher.
As our union rep,
she says that we don't
have to take this,
and I agree.
I guess we could all run
away and hide together.
We need a big enough building
abandoned factory, but spiders.
Okay, shut up.
Instead of a list, here's what you do.
You give them a signed
statement of solidarity,
all the departments, all the faculty.
We make sure those bozos in Harrisburg
know that we're not playing around.
They won't want a full
walk-out on their hands.
What if they do
want a full walk-out on their hands?
Why would they want that?
To test out their new sneaker gloves?
What the hell is it with you?
What do you even want?
Whose side are you on?
[DOOR CLOSES]
We know what we bring to the table.
And we know you know. We
don't have to enumerate it.
But do others know?
Do they know about our publications?
Do they know about our scholar
Guys, can I just stop you
before you settle into a rhythm?
And I appreciate you saying
that this would be a short meeting,
but I have to ask what the topic is.
The cuts. The list.
The list.
- Hank told us.
- Oh.
He told us you told him.
And he told us that you
told him not to tell us,
so you didn't hear this from us.
[TEDDY] We know the university
bias towards seniority.
We're the most recent
tenure-track hires,
and if seniority is, in
fact, an element here,
we just need to make sure
that people are acutely aware
of everything else we have to offer.
Well, until the legislature,
which is 100 miles away,
passes a budget for us,
there's nothing to discuss.
There's nothing for you to do,
so there's no point in worrying.
Okay, Dean
Okay. Okay.
There is a new committee.
I think we're a little
all over the place.
Well, we need more members.
What about your roommates?
I can talk to them.
What do they look like?
If they're too hot,
no one is going to take us seriously.
We need a mission statement.
Yes, we do.
Um
okay.
Okay, take this down.
Wait, so am I a secretary?
- I'll do it.
- I'm doing it.
Is this the Excellence Committee?
We're allowed to be here.
Oh, we know. We know.
I'm Professor Washington-Chen,
and so is he.
We are here at Dean Rose's behest.
We're your faculty advisors.
Uh, that's an obvious
conflict of interest.
No, no, it's a confluence of interest.
We couldn't be more on board
with what you're trying to do.
Mm-hmm, and we believe that our support
will help you have a
greater impact on the school.
The community needs to
know that they can trust us,
and that means that we
need to have some teeth,
and at times, we're
going to need to bite.
We can't have faculty saying
that we can't ruffle feathers.
We're not pulling punches.
[TEDDY] Pull punches?
No, no.
No.
Hey, look, we're here
to help you hit harder,
bite better.
Yeah, what was the other metaphor?
- Feathers.
- Right.
Uh, fly higher.
"Fly higher"?
[TEDDY] Mm-hmm.
I like it.
Take that down. "Fly higher."
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[WOMAN SOBBING]
Hey.
Hey, something wrong?
Is something wrong?
What, are you kidding?
Is this about that ?
Well, obviously, I'm
gonna be on your list.
You know what? Never mind.
- It's just
- I'm sorry.
You know But think about
Sorry.
But you don't have to
[SIGHS]
[CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Hey, what's up?
They want me to make a
list of people to fire.
Oh, shit. Are you going to?
Of course not.
I'll bet my father
would have made a list.
Just for fun.
[LILY] He was never Chair.
[HANK] Hmm, before he let Mom and me go,
I bet he made a list of us.
[LILY] I I don't know, Hank.
What are you going to do?
[HANK] Well
Ithink I might have a yard sale.
["LOW" BY BONFIRE NIGHTS PLAYS]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
Oh, you jerks.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[LAUREL] "Dear Henry,
I just finished your manuscript,
and it is some of your
best work to date."
" You must not let Columbia
treat you as any other professor "
" Most modern literary critiques
owe you a tremendous debt "
"A three percent raise
is the least you should accept "
" I'm sorry to hear
about Stephanie leaving you.
I'm not entirely surprised."
" I've been thinking it over
and it seems best that I tell Hank."
" Though much time has passed,
next summer, please
consider staying with me."
" Hank is now out of the house,
so you won't be bothered
with any unwelcome distractions "
" You're very welcome in my home
and to consider it your home as well.
In time, I'm certain that
Hank will feel the same."
[CAR ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Oh!
For Christ's sake.
[GROANS]
["MONDAY, MONDAY" BY THE
MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYS]
- [CRASH]
- Damn!
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMING]
[HANK SR.] How can I get any work done
when he's always in my office?
There's too many
distractions in this house.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
- [CLOCK CHIMING]
- [PAUL, PRESENT DAY] Hank!
[POUNDING ON GLASS]
Hank!
Hank! What the hell did
you think you were doing?
I must have, uh, passed out
because of the kidney stone.
You lazy son of a bitch!
Will you help me?
[PAUL] We've gotta talk.
I've got our union rep here.
Will you drive me to my mother's?
How old are you?
You two aren't gonna
Jimmy Hoffa me, are you?
I don't go for B.S.
I never see any reason
my cards shouldn't be
face-up on the table.
Unless you're playing cards.
[HANK, THINKING]
Sitting in the back seat
as an adult
it can be either
infantalizing or empowering
like you're being chauffeured
around like a boss
and I literally am the boss,
but I feel like an infant.
We both know you've had
your differences with
the union over the years,
pretty much from the beginning.
Yeah, I've had my differences
with the other side, too.
You're not the only ones
who think I'm a prick.
I'm not just talking about
these grievances against you.
I know it runs deeper than that.
You think we defend incompetence,
promote mediocrity.
I wish you would promote mediocrity.
We'd all get promotions.
What I'm saying is
nobody expects you
to become a union man.
We win this thing, we beat Dickie Pope
and all his corporate education B.S.,
and you can go right back
to the way you were before.
Younger? You going to make me younger?
See?
I told you there was no
point in talking to this guy.
He doesn't care about anything.
Everything's a joke to him.
Yeah, everything's a joke,
but they're not all funny.
[" BADINERIE FROM SUITE NO.
2 IN B MINOR" BY BACH PLAYING]
[♪♪]
So gross.
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
What are these?
Flowers.
Aren't they pretty?
I picked them myself.
I'm not reimbursing you for this.
Jack, I needed those supplies.
You know that.
I didn't approve this.
Are you kidding me?
There was piss in the hall,
and I couldn't use the janitor's mop
because, apparently,
opening his closet is a union job.
We don't have a
cleaning-supplies budget.
There was piss
in the
I know that.
You have an emergency fund.
Not every piss can be an emergency.
We need to save some
for good emergencies,
like pizza for when
they do something good.
You have to ask first. I'm sorry.
Jack!
I'm taking a personal day next week
to interview at Arlyle.
Yeah, I'm going to New York
to interview at the Arlyle School.
Oh.
Have fun.
Send me a postcard,
and I'll send you one,
from England,
where I'll be auditioning
for the role of Henry
Higgins at the Globe.
So you want to work here?
Yeah, um,
if you want someone to work here,
I can do that.
Do you have a résumé?
Not with me.
So your father-in-law
tells me you're an idiot.
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
Yeah, he does say that.
I should be offended,
but that's, like, his defense.
You know, like, he uses
sarcasm to mask his pain.
Oh
Hank has a lot of pain?
Yeah.
I mean, you know,
guys of that generation
and their dads
you know, they were all
spanked, or whatever.
So Hank is his father's fault?
Well, yeah, Julie
thinks it's his father.
I think it's his mother, actually.
You've never met a
colder woman in your life.
It's like trying to have a conversation
with an ice sculpture.
I think that's where the
real abandonment comes from.
Actually, I think it
goes way darker than that.
I don't know if it's his work or
if he's in a terrible
marriage, or what
but it's bad.
It's kind of hard to tell
with that guy, though.
You know.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Why do you think
that he's reluctant
to support my tenure?
Because I know he respects me.
Yeah
I don't know, that's a tough one.
I mean, look, he respects me too.
I feel like the thing about Hank is
the guy can't make a decision.
He gets paralyzed by his own brain.
He's such a little boy sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm his dad.
I feel like you might
be being hard on him.
Because I know how Hank
feels about this town.
I mean, so I want to
be a college professor,
more than anything here,
but
I also know that there's a ceiling.
And
I think that Hank is
self-aware enough to understand
that Railton College, it's
not a destination
for anyone,
really, right?
It's like a
it's not even the
highlight of the journey.
I don't know.
I
I just see it differently.
I think the location is the illusion.
I think the adventure's
gotta be up here.
And here.
And a little bit down there, too.
And here, a little bit, too.
Maybe.
You never know.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'll be there shortly. Thanks.
Meg?
Where is she?
She found Hank's whiskey.
[♪♪]
Hey.
Hey, it's me.
No.
Damn Spanky!
Damn college.
This place is a disgrace!
Uh-huh, it's a disgrace.
I'm still paying off Lucy's
tuition, for God's sake,
and they don't care!
Nobody cares.
- Okay, Mom.
- I'm going to sit.
- No!
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
I hope you weren't
expecting anything to eat.
I haven't been to the market today.
I have some crackers.
I don't know whether they're stale.
I'm fine.
I was in the middle of my column.
Oliver, the homeless man
that lives on Rail Street,
has been sent to a halfway house.
Apparently, he's happy there.
Mom, there's something I
want to talk to you about.
Oh.
All right.
Just tell me what these are.
Oh, my goodness.
He saved them.
That can't be the first thing you say.
No.
I see that.
Hank, I have been
corresponding with your father
for some time now.
Yeah. Why don't you jump ahead
to the part that I haven't figured out
from having read them already?
You read my letters?
No, no,
you are not turning this around on me.
Now, what I did was a minor infraction.
What you did here was a felony.
And what was the felony?
Writing to my husband?
Ex! Ex-husband.
You know as well as I do
you've been acting like
we've been on the same
page this whole time,
like he hasn't contacted
you either in 20 years.
You're envious.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I never made any promises to you.
You haven't?
Don't you remember when he left us?
Hmm?
You remember what happened?
You said to me
"It's just you and me now."
Oh, stop it.
No, he abandoned us.
He abandoned you.
He moved away from me, and
now he's moving back.
No. No, he's not.
Well, that's not your decision, Hank.
Yeah, well, it's partly mine.
No, it's not.
I've invited him to
stay, and he accepted.
[HANK SIGHS]
[MARNIE] You have reached
Professor Devereaux's office.
Please leave a message after the tone.
[BEEP]
Hey, Dad, it's Hank.
Your son.
Couple things.
One, congrats on your retirement.
I hope you have some plans to relax.
I was meaning to send
you a set of paints.
That worked well for George W., which
that brings me to number two.
It's kind of the big one.
I've been holding on to a
lot of anger towards you,
and the more I think about it
the more
appropriate it seems.
It's well-earned.
So
you're not welcome here.
Don't come to Railton.
Enjoy the rest of the globe.
[JULIE] Dad?
Dad, are you okay?
Dad?
Did you really not hear me come in?
Is one of you moving out?
Huh? What?
The moving pod out front?
Uh
It's true, isn't it?
You know, I knew something
was going on with you guys.
What? No. It's a mistake.
I'm taking care of that.
What You want to sit
down, stay for lunch?
Yeah.
All right. I've got some
I've got some good bread
and, uh, ham and cheese.
I can make a grilled cheese.
[JULIE] Dad, I think
I'm in over my head.
I just
I don't know. I don't
know. I just feel
Let's talk about it.
We'll figure it out.
I started on this path a while ago,
and I started making all these choices,
and
- like with the pool.
- Uh-huh.
[SIGHS]
I just feel like
I started on this path a while ago,
and then I started
making all these choices,
like with the pool,
and now there's a
freaking rented backhoe
stuck in a hole in my backyard,
and I don't know how to get it out,
and everything is starting
to feel really overwhelming.
Yes, well, that's okay.
I mean, everybody gets there sometimes.
Yeah?
Here's the great thing, right?
You're not locked in.
Right? You can get out.
You're 24.
You can do anything.
Yeah, I know.
What do you what do you mean?
You can move to New York,
or Nashville,
anywhere where there's opportunity.
What are you talking about?
Are you trying to get me to leave?
No.
Well
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I was talking about one
DIY project that went wrong,
one project, and now you're trying
to use it to kick me out of town?
I'm not kicking you out.
Yeah, I'm not an idiot, Dad.
I didn't understand.
It is obvious to me
that I have not lived up to
all of your expectations
I never said anything
I didn't go to grad school,
or, like, write a bunch of books,
and I'm not super ambitious
like you and Grandpa,
and I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry that my whole life goal
wasn't to, like, achieve
stuff, or something,
but I like it here, and
I'm going to stay here.
You don't have anything to say?
You rented a backhoe?
Here.
For your troubles.
Thanks.
I'm gonna need a lot more of these.
Okay, so it's true.
How deep are the cuts going?
I don't know.
Oh My mom is really worried.
Yeah.
Yeah, she is not doing great.
Hank, I'm not blaming you.
I'll take care of her if I need to.
You know that.
Well, you're a lot better
daughter than I am a son.
I just left a message for my father
telling him he's not welcome here, ever.
Did you really?
Yeah, I did.
You don't even like it here, Hank.
Nobody does.
Yeah, no shit. We should all get out.
Can't. Tenure.
Can't. Mother.
Looks like we're both trapped here, huh?
[HANK, THINKING] When did she
start with the nose jewelry?
I mean, it's cute, but I'm not fooled.
It's a cry for help.
If nobody answers,
the next thing is gonna be crazy hats,
balloon pants,
and then she's riding a
unicycle down Main Street.
Meg, hey.
Listen
What?
They're instituting a hiring freeze.
There's not going to be any tenure
track positions for a long time.
For how long?
Years.
It's bleak.
Goddamn this place.
With these cuts,
I'm not going to be able
to give you any classes next semester.
Hey, you've got a killer resume,
and you're young for academia.
Your scholarship covers
all the hot topics.
Any school would jump at the chance,
even in this job market.
You should be out there looking around.
Seriously.
Yeah, I've got a better idea.
["SILVER TIMOTHY" BY
DAMIEN JURADO PLAYING]
I'll take I'll take one.
You want one?
[HANK] This is the good stuff?
[MEG] Yeah.
I was met on the road ♪
By a face that was mine ♪
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
Spots on the irises bleed ♪
Where the numbers were born ♪
[♪♪]
Go back down don't
touch the ground ♪
Go back down don't
touch the ground ♪
[♪♪]
Careful with the table there.
Yeah. Yeah.
[♪♪]
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm gonna get you a glass of water.
Okay.
Good night, Meg.
[HANK, THINKING] I was at the movies.
The restaurant.
A bar.
At the dentist.
I ran into Tony, and he needed a talk.
Oh
who cares where I was?
I mean, what, do I ask you
every damn thing about your life?
Come on, what, are we married now?
Yeah yeah, we are.
- You're still up.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm wiped.
I bet.
It's way past your bedtime.
Were you with Tony?
No, actually.
I was in the company
of a very attractive, young,
single, 30-something woman.
Mm. By the name of?
Meg Quigley.
Oh, you're working your way
through your bucket list.
You're my bucket list, baby.
She She was really drunk.
I had to drive her home.
Did you get any?
No.
Uh, we did end up in the bedroom,
and clothes were shed.
I mean, hers, not mine.
Is that is that true?
And I was forced to flee
to protect her honor,
and my honor, and your honor.
How lucky for all of
us that you were there.
Thank you.
She was really upset
because I told her classes aren't
happening for her this fall.
[LILY] That's terrible.
[HANK] No, it's not.
Somebody has to kick
her out of the nest.
I told her the classes
well, they're cut.
But are they?
[HANK] Well, no.
Did you lie to her?
Well, she was never going to leave.
She thinks she has to
take care of her mom.
Somebody has to end
this madness for her.
[LILY] But she had told
you that she wanted to stay.
Jesus Christ, Hank.
You're projecting all of
your shit onto everybody else.
What?
Julie, Meg,
telling everybody
they should leave town.
What is that?
Do you hate it here?
I take the fifth.
You can't treat
Forget it.
I talked to Tom.
I'm going to go to New York this week.
I'm going to interview
for that Arlyle job.
Yeah? You
Okay.
["GOTTA CHEER UP" BY
COTTON JONES PLAYING]
Come before us come the dark ♪
All the colors of your heart ♪
All the whistle in your park ♪
Children swimming through the sparks ♪
I was footing around ♪
- ALL: No cutting jobs!
- WOMAN: You spelled "humanities" wrong.
I know that you care
about those professors,
despite the fact that you
would never admit that.
President Dickie Pope.
You are the only department head
who has not submitted a
list of faculty to cut.
In that way I'm outstanding.
Lily. This interview could
give me some leverage.
Leverage?
The key thing to any organized
protest is that we're unified.
I will box a goose a day.
That man is chair over
the English department.
♪
[♪♪]