Magnum, P.I. (1980) s01e03 Episode Script
China Doll
Halt! And watch his eyes.
He blinks before he strikes.
The Chinese Communists and Nationalists would both give millions for it.
And what, pray tell, are you doing with this one? He has agreed to be my protector.
You hired Magnum? He's my protector.
He's your protect- Sailor, sir.
Want a date? Want to really have a good time? Couple of drinks, maybe? Sailor, how about it? Do you want to know me, have a good time? Koko.
Hey, Duffy.
! Long time, no see.
When'd you dock? Midnight.
Any me mates about? Not yet.
But there's a malihini Pake at number three.
You Choi? Well, let's get to it.
I was told in Hong Kong that you'd pay 5,000 American for the location of one Mai Ling.
Since you're sittin' at my table, I take it I was right.
Oh, don't tell me, mate.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Which one of the arts is it? Uh, tae won do? Shotokan? Uh, kung fu? Shito-ryu? Whichever it is, it don't scare me none, rice ball, 'cause I've fought 'em all, from Singapore to Yokohama, and I ain't been whipped yet.
So don't get cute, or I'll break your fingers like they was chopsticks.
Now, we was discussing Mai Ling.
I know where she is.
And for 5,000 American and that bit of gold and jade hanging round your neck, so can you.
What is she to you anyway? Runaway wife? Sister? You don't talk much, do ya? But you sure do know how to count.
She's on Kauai.
She runs an antique shop in Lihue.
It's called Treasures of the Dove.
You cannot miss it.
It's called wing chun.
You know, Thomas, chasing a China doll can be fun, if she wants to be caught.
T.
C.
, do you have to fly into the sun? Do I what? Have to fly into the sun? I was out all night on a divorce case, and I'm tired.
Aw! Well, no, suh, massa, suh.
Old T.
C.
sure is sorry he let poor massa- let that sun shine on his little beady bloodshot eyes.
Ooh! - How's that, suh? - Great.
Oh! What the hell are they- But maybe you should talk to them.
Uh, nothing to worry about.
just a slight, uh, Kauai downdraft.
Uh, probably smooth sailing from now on.
Won't happen again.
just a Kauai downdraft, honey.
Won't happen again.
Kauai downdraft? That's good.
They upchuck all over my new upholstery, guess who's gonna clean it, Thomas.
Come on, T.
C.
What did I do? What did you do? What did you do? What you always do! I didn't care about the sun, but T.
C.
was gonna start in on Mai Ling again, and I didn't want to hear it.
Now, if you don't want someone on you about one thing, you give them something else to gripe about.
- It works every time.
- Of course, what should I expect from a grown man who spends all of his time chasing, of all things, a China doll.
Well, almost every time.
T.
C.
, that China doll, as you call her, happens to be an expert on ancient Oriental ceramics.
- She is teaching me all she knows.
Mm-hmm.
The only thing she is teaching you is "no'' in Chinese.
Since when are you interested in who teaches what? Since it started costing me a paying fare every time I fly to Kauai.
Harold.
Uh, pilot.
Am I replacing a paying passenger? Maybe.
Is someone else gonna fly with you today? Well, maybe.
Look, Thomas, I don't expect you to pay a fare, but once-if just once- you would offer to give me gas money.
That hurts, T.
C.
That really hurts.
When I think of all the times I saved your butt in 'Nam.
You saved my butt? Ha.
! You got me confused with some other beautiful human being, Thomas.
Okay, uh, welcome to Kauai, the G- Garden Island.
The, uh, oldest island in the Hawaiian chain.
The first to be visited by Captain Cook.
Anything else you want to know, there's a tour guide back there somewhere.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Dixon, are you sure you won't reconsider and fly back with me? No.
No.
Not ever.
I guess in that case you're entitled to half your money back.
Nah.
But, you know, I'm a small operation.
That's okay.
Fares like this- Nah, forget it.
I'm sorry.
Come on, Alice.
You- Maybe you might- Well- Fi- I leave at 5:00.
Not coming back with us, huh? Gas money.
What? Thomas, I am going to Monkey Pete's for a beer.
When I get back, I want those gas tanks topped off and the gas paid for.
You got it? Don't you think you ought to use a half hitch there? You can backstroke to Oahu.
Well, if I had to be marooned, at least it was on Kauai with Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Ah.
Mai Ling.
Some days I shouldn't get out of bed.
Instead of Mai Ling, her Uncle Ho was in the shop.
For all Ho ever said to me, he could be mute.
But then, some people don't have to talk.
Hi, Ho.
Uh, is Mai Ling here? Ho? You know, I realize that you're very busy, but if Mai Ling is here, could you nod your head, blink or something? Ho? Ho.
Mai Ling.
I must apologize for my appearance.
Um, I was planting flowers at my father's grave.
I didn't expect you until this afternoon.
Uh, well, why were you expecting me at all? Oh, you've come every Saturday for a month now.
I hoped today would be the same.
And it is.
Did you fly in with your friend? What's his name? T.
C.
T.
C.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling, um, what the hell is going on here? I'm going to Oahu with you for the weekend.
You are? Of course, I intend to pay.
What for? For your services.
To protect the vase you're carrying until I can deliver it to a buyer flying from San Francisco Sunday.
I assume you do that sort of thing.
You are a private eye, aren't you? Well, I prefer "private investigator.
'' I also prefer to be asked.
I'm so sorry.
It was very stupid of me.
Mai Ling, I- I didn't say no.
I just said that I prefer to be asked.
Then I humbly ask you to be my protector, if that is a proper word, for the next two days and nights.
Well, I don't know if that's the proper word, but I accept.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Bye, Ho.
I wasn't quite sure what Mai Ling was up to, but how much trouble could I get into protecting her and a little vase? Excuse me.
Treasures of the Dove? Ah.
Thank you.
- Yes? - I'm looking for Mai Ling.
There is no one by that name here.
Do not lie to me.
- Mai Ling.
- I know nothing of anyone- No! Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Oahu.
And the Soul of Sung? With her! She took it with her.
When? Steady.
Now, lads.
Mai Ling, how are you with animals? What kind of animals? That kind.
Still in your jammies at this hour? Zeus, Apollo.
Patrol.
Mai Ling, this is Higgins.
He kind of takes care of the place.
I'll have an egg roll, the wonton soup and the chicken with snow peas.
And what, pray tell, are you doing with this one? He has agreed to be my protector.
Higgins.
Higgins.
I'm sorry, Magnum.
Really, I- Higgins.
! But the thought of you protecting a beautiful woman, you must admit- Higgins.
It's really rather funny.
Don't you think? No, I don't.
Well, I do.
At least, Mai Ling, you'll be safe in the main house.
Security is quite stringent, with one exception.
The only thing staying in the main house will be this vase.
Mai Ling will be in the guesthouse with me.
Vase? I'm staying with my Uncle Han in Kahala.
Uncle Han? What vase? The one Magnum is protecting until tomorrow.
You didn't say anything about an Uncle Han.
What kind of vase? Didn't I? No.
The only thing you said was you needed my protection day and night.
Surely you didn't think I meant- Yes, he did.
Is the vase Chinese? Mai Ling, of course I didn't think you meant- Of course.
It's Chinese.
Which dynasty? - Mai Ling.
- That's not a dynasty.
Sung.
Sung? It's this way.
Mai Ling, I hope you don't think that I thought what you think I was thinking.
Are you sure it's Sung? Yes.
Must be worth a bloody fortune.
Which is why I hired Magnum to protect it.
I never thought anything else.
Honest.
Ah.
May I open it? No.
Um, I'm merely an agent in this transaction.
The container was sealed in the seller's presence.
The seal cannot be broken by anyone but the buyer.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
I quite understand.
What, uh, color glaze? Blood red.
Oh, what a bloody shame.
I'm sorry.
I mean, I would love to have seen a Sung vase of that quality.
Well, if we're not going to see it, then why don't we just lock it in the safe? I can't open the safe until you leave the room.
It would be a breach of security.
Shall I open it? This is intolerable! That combination will be changed in the morning.
How did you get it? By watching you open the safe.
When? just now, Higgins.
Just now.
Mai Ling, lunch.
Excuse me, sir.
Yeah.
Did you just fly some people to Kauai? Huh? A fare to Kauai.
You need a flight to Kauai? I mean, you want to fly Island Hoppers? You must be new here.
Hey, step into my office.
Whoo-hoo.
! One born every minute.
Hoo-hoo! What was the bet again? Fifty.
Fifty.
Bucks? No, pesos.
They bet pesos in Hawaii.
Can you believe him? What is this? What are you doing? I'm writing my marker.
A marker? What do you think this is, Guys and Dolls? Ever hear of cash? I'm a little short, Rick.
Oh, I owe you for two days, plus expenses.
Mai Ling, that's all right.
I insist.
Please.
Let me.
No, it's fine.
Wait a minute.
You hired Magnum? He's my protector.
He's your protect- How about a walk on the beach before lunch, Mai Ling? He's been that way since 'Nam.
He's- Happens all of a sudden.
One minute he's fine.
The next thing, he snaps.
A protector! You have unusual friends.
I guess you could call Rick that.
Not just Rick.
T.
C.
, Higgins.
I wouldn't exactly call Higgins a friend.
Anyway, none of them are what they seem to be on the surface, are they? I mean, I've only briefly met them, but underneath, I sense something adventurous, perhaps even dangerous.
Especially in you.
It's what makes you so, uh, exciting.
You find me exciting? Very.
Then why are you running away from me to your Uncle Han's? Perhaps I, too, like to be asked.
Perhaps.
And perhaps you're just a beautiful woman who knows how to use flattery on a man.
I don't think I like what you're implying.
And I don't like to be lied to.
I don't know whether there was a Sung vase in that box or not, but I do know you lied to Higgins about the seal.
I watched your Cousin Ho seal that box in the antique shop just before you came in.
- There is a valuable vase in the box.
- Then why'd you lie to Higgins? Thomas, there are things I cannot explain.
Try me.
Perhaps tomorrow.
No.
Not tomorrow.
Right now.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Magnum.
! Magnum.
! Magnum.
It's T.
C.
, brah.
He's hurt bad.
Take it easy.
You got a couple of cracked ribs.
Lie back.
T.
C.
, you okay? No.
What happened? You're in big trouble, boy.
Yeah, he's in big trouble.
You got cracked ribs and a concussión, and he's in big trouble.
All right.
Look out.
- Ow! - I'm sorry.
Shouldn't you get him to a doctor? Snow pea, I've patched and stitched these two jokers so many times in 'Nam, I know 'em better than their mamas.
- What kind of trouble? - I don't know.
But I could guess.
A Chinese dude, Rick's size, asking who I brought in from Kauai and where he could find them.
- Did you tell him? - Does it look like I did? He did this? A Chinese guy about my size? He caught me by surprise.
Man, I ain't never seen nothing like this boy.
He just blinked and boom.
Never saw him move.
T.
C.
, I've seen you whip half a dozen guys in a bar fight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I must be getting slow.
just wham, bam.
The whole thing only took five seconds.
I'm just surprised he didn't kill me.
What did he look like? Like I said, Chinese dude, Rick's size, late 20s.
Oh, yeah.
He had something tattooed in the palms of his hands.
A red dragon? Yeah.
Yeah, I think it was.
You know who he is? I know what he is.
I must get to my Uncle Han.
Not till you explain what the hell's going on here.
I'll explain in the car.
I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you.
- You didn't cause it.
- Yes, I'm afraid I did.
Please, can we go? Anything he wants, Rick, it's on me.
What are you gonna pay with? Your marker? - Anything, Rick.
- Okay.
Phew.
Chinese dude about my size? Don't get cute, Orville.
Well? The dragon tattoo is a sign of the tong.
On the palm, it signifies a wing chun warrior of the first degree.
Some people believe such a man can kill with a look.
Only women can do that, Mai Ling.
- I'm serious.
- So am I.
You know, I am involved in whatever is going on here because I went slightly nuts over you, which is really pretty stupid considering our entire relationship consists of a- a single kiss on Waikiki in front of a couple thousand tourists.
Now, I do stupid things occasionally, and that's okay as long as I'm the only one who's hurt.
But my friend in there has a couple of busted ribs and a cracked head, and before somebody gets killed, I think you better start filling me in.
Some people have already been killed.
By who? The man with the tattoo? And others who came before him.
It's that vase, isn't it? What's it worth? As an art object, perhaps 100,000.
As a symbol, the Chinese Communists and Nationalists would both give millions for it.
Have you ever heard of the Soul of Sung? No.
I'm sure your friend Higgins has.
Oh, well, of course Higgins has.
It's a vase containing the ashes of a great Sung emperor, Hui Tsung.
It disappeared shortly after the death of the last empress of China, Tzu Hsi in 1908.
Mai Ling, what the hell does this have to do with this guy who's chasing you all over the Islands? On her deathbed, the empress gave the Soul of Sung to a courtier.
She made him swear upon his family name to protect it until another royal dynasty sat again once more upon the throne in China.
Of course.
It's all very clear to me now.
That courtier was my great-grandfather.
He died protecting that vase.
As did my father and 10 others in the family.
Perhaps, by now, 11.
Cousin Ho? I will know more when we reach my uncle.
Next street.
Turn left.
My family's alone in this, Thomas.
We must carry on as the empress instructed.
Now that I have been located, my Cousin Pin will take over.
He's the one flying in tomorrow.
You know, you could've told me, Mai Ling.
I can trust no one outside the family.
I only tell you now because I have no choice.
I would die to protect the Soul of Sung.
Would you? Mai Ling.
Uh, Mai Ling.
English, please.
Uncle Han does not speak English.
Well, how about French then? No.
Vietnamese? No.
Only Mandarin.
Only Mandarin.
Of course.
Hi, guy.
You speak English, hmm? Ah.
Of course.
Only Mandarin.
There you go.
Come on, little birdie.
You like that? No.
The tong murdered a merchant sailor last night on Hotel Street.
This sailor knew of my shop on Kauai, but not of this place.
So I'm safe for the moment.
What about your cousin? Uncle Han knows nothing.
Cousin Ho will contact us here if he's still alive.
Thomas, guard the vase closely tonight.
I'm staying with you.
I'm safe here.
Tomorrow, when my Cousin Pin arrives, we will give him the vase and then you can be with me.
Until then, the vase is the only thing that matters.
Not to me.
But to me.
And therefore it should be so to you too.
There'll be tomorrow.
At least we're cutting down on the size of the crowd.
I'll be back tonight.
I didn't like leaving Mai Ling, but I had to warn Higgins that a tong warrior might show up to bust his ribs, which was something that was still bugging me.
A tong would either walk away or kill.
He wouldn't cripple.
Not unless he needed T.
C.
alive.
You damn fool.
He was following you.
Han? Mai Ling? Mai Ling.
The note was short and to the point.
Mai Ling for the Soul of Sung.
Noon tomorrow.
The location was a pay phone on Waikiki.
He didn't bother to threaten.
He didn't have to.
I'll get her back.
I'll get her back.
Housing costs surged up by 1.
5 percent for the third consecutive month in a row.
Higgins wasn't around when I went for the vase, so I opened the safe, ran from the dogs and spent the rest of the night at Rick's setting things up.
The tong warrior would set up the swap in his favor.
All I could do was try and outguess him, then wait.
And wait.
He said noon, and it was already 2:00.
I was broiling.
And I had the feeling that's exactly what he wanted.
- Yeah.
- Walk Diamond Head.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
I didn't exactly panic, but I was glad I hadn't had lunch.
Where is she, hotshot? On the beach.
The other way.
If you leave the sand with her before I have the vase, you're both dead.
Where is it? It's the corner of Kalakaua and Ohua.
There's a blue Paradise Pedicab next to a grass shack.
The driver'll take you to the vase.
To put Mai Ling on the beach, he'd have brought her out before dawn.
That meant she'd been in the sun for eight, maybe nine hours, probably drugged with no liquids.
I had to find her.
Fast.
Hey, driver.
How much to Diamond Head, huh? I'm on a tanning break, sir.
A what? What? I never heard of such a thing.
Look, lady, will you move along? My cab's not for hire.
Come on.
I think we should report this to the police.
For why? This is a public vehicle.
This is licensed for the public to use.
Whoa, whoa.
Lady, lady.
Take a regular cab.
It's faster, and it's air conditioned.
Thank you.
Come on.
Give it ba- Al- Come on.
Alice.
Might as well take it.
That's all right.
What if- I'm not gonna turn it down.
If he gave it to me, I'm gonna take it.
What are you doing? I'm not gonna give it back to him.
He's a meshuggener.
Give it back to him.
You're crazy.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling? Mai Ling.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Uh- Uh, put that down and shade her.
Yeah.
Just like that.
I need an ambulance and some water.
Mai Ling? Mai Ling? It's all right, Mai Ling.
It's over and you're safe.
Under the seat there's a box.
Okay, we're even now, pal.
You got the vase.
We got Mai Ling.
Not quite.
- That could've been my head.
- What head? Come on, Higgins.
Lay off Orville.
He- He darn near busted a gut running away from that tong.
Real funny.
Let me tell you something, you big lug.
After what he did to that vase, I wasn't about to hang around and play ring-around-the-rosy until you showed up.
And besides, he was bigger than me.
Oh, I think you did great, Rick.
And you were supposed to land and give him a hand, T.
C.
Man, Orville pedaled so far into the forest, I had to park in a parking lot a half a mile away, and I don't run too good with busted ribs.
This vase is a reproduction.
- You mean it's a fake? - I didn't say that.
I said- I said it was a reproduction.
There's a difference, you know.
No, you wouldn't.
This vase was thrown sometime during the 15th century.
It's a Ming copy of the Sung original.
Probably commissioned by a member of the royal court.
So it was valuable, huh? Well, it's no Soul of Sung, but in one piece it would have been worth 50,000 or 60,000.
Bucks? Pounds.
I shall never forgive Mai Ling for not letting me see it.
Well, she couldn't risk it.
What? Well, she knew all along the tong would be following us.
I mean, she even set it up so that he could.
Yeah, man, but why would she do that? To buy time.
Time for her Cousin Pin to fly in to the Islands and escape with the real Soul of Sung.
Now, if she'd let Higgins see the vase, he might've recognized it as a fake.
- A reproduction.
- Whatever.
Anyway, she couldn't risk anyone knowing that the vase inside the box wasn't the real Soul of Sung.
If the tong found out, he would've known where the real vase was hidden.
Where? Right where she led him away from.
Kauai.
What'd the hospital say? A couple days rest and she'd be fine.
You talk to her? No, she was still pretty doped up.
I should have known something was wrong with her the minute she pretended she wanted to spend the weekend with you.
Come on, T.
C.
She hired me to protect the vase.
I didn't think she wanted to sleep with me.
Oh, you didn't, huh? Well, not exactly.
See, I mean- just the way she walked into the antique shop- Mm-hmm.
and the cute little way she apologized for her hands being dirty.
- Up! Take us up! - Huh? Take us up.
! She wasn't planting flowers.
She was hiding the vase.
There he is! No place to land, Thomas.
Behind those trees.
Uh, put her down.
I'll jump.
All right.
It's your funeral.
Hey, Thomas.
Don't be no hero, man.
Use the.
45.
Watch his eyes.
He blinks before he strikes.
By the time I hit the ground, I had so much adrenaline pumping I wasn't even scared.
Well, not too scared.
Halt! Turn around.
Down.
You're not a tong.
Pin Ling? Don't even think it.
Nobody's that fast.
What is it, Magnum? Oh, we just thought we'd come by and see how you were doing.
Ah.
Mai Ling.
Oh, no.
No, no.
I know you both speak English.
It is impolite of us to converse in Chinese.
I wanted to apologize for having lied to you about the vase.
I quite understand.
May I offer my condolences on the death of your Cousin Ho.
That is most appreciated.
Is the Soul of Sung safe? For the moment.
My Cousin Pin has departed with it.
Good.
I hope you don't mind.
I've been trying to piece this Ming versión back together.
This is very good.
During the war I was attached to the British Museum in Cairo for a brief stint.
Learned a thing or two.
You never told me that.
I don't tell you many things.
Which reminds me.
The combination to the safe has been changed to keep undesirables out.
Well, a dinner for two at the club says I can get in and out without you knowing it.
Impossible.
- Is it a bet? - It's a bet.
Come along, Mai Ling.
Dinner is on Higgins tonight.
You'll have to get into the safe first, Magnum.
I know.
Zeus, Apollo, kill!
He blinks before he strikes.
The Chinese Communists and Nationalists would both give millions for it.
And what, pray tell, are you doing with this one? He has agreed to be my protector.
You hired Magnum? He's my protector.
He's your protect- Sailor, sir.
Want a date? Want to really have a good time? Couple of drinks, maybe? Sailor, how about it? Do you want to know me, have a good time? Koko.
Hey, Duffy.
! Long time, no see.
When'd you dock? Midnight.
Any me mates about? Not yet.
But there's a malihini Pake at number three.
You Choi? Well, let's get to it.
I was told in Hong Kong that you'd pay 5,000 American for the location of one Mai Ling.
Since you're sittin' at my table, I take it I was right.
Oh, don't tell me, mate.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
Which one of the arts is it? Uh, tae won do? Shotokan? Uh, kung fu? Shito-ryu? Whichever it is, it don't scare me none, rice ball, 'cause I've fought 'em all, from Singapore to Yokohama, and I ain't been whipped yet.
So don't get cute, or I'll break your fingers like they was chopsticks.
Now, we was discussing Mai Ling.
I know where she is.
And for 5,000 American and that bit of gold and jade hanging round your neck, so can you.
What is she to you anyway? Runaway wife? Sister? You don't talk much, do ya? But you sure do know how to count.
She's on Kauai.
She runs an antique shop in Lihue.
It's called Treasures of the Dove.
You cannot miss it.
It's called wing chun.
You know, Thomas, chasing a China doll can be fun, if she wants to be caught.
T.
C.
, do you have to fly into the sun? Do I what? Have to fly into the sun? I was out all night on a divorce case, and I'm tired.
Aw! Well, no, suh, massa, suh.
Old T.
C.
sure is sorry he let poor massa- let that sun shine on his little beady bloodshot eyes.
Ooh! - How's that, suh? - Great.
Oh! What the hell are they- But maybe you should talk to them.
Uh, nothing to worry about.
just a slight, uh, Kauai downdraft.
Uh, probably smooth sailing from now on.
Won't happen again.
just a Kauai downdraft, honey.
Won't happen again.
Kauai downdraft? That's good.
They upchuck all over my new upholstery, guess who's gonna clean it, Thomas.
Come on, T.
C.
What did I do? What did you do? What did you do? What you always do! I didn't care about the sun, but T.
C.
was gonna start in on Mai Ling again, and I didn't want to hear it.
Now, if you don't want someone on you about one thing, you give them something else to gripe about.
- It works every time.
- Of course, what should I expect from a grown man who spends all of his time chasing, of all things, a China doll.
Well, almost every time.
T.
C.
, that China doll, as you call her, happens to be an expert on ancient Oriental ceramics.
- She is teaching me all she knows.
Mm-hmm.
The only thing she is teaching you is "no'' in Chinese.
Since when are you interested in who teaches what? Since it started costing me a paying fare every time I fly to Kauai.
Harold.
Uh, pilot.
Am I replacing a paying passenger? Maybe.
Is someone else gonna fly with you today? Well, maybe.
Look, Thomas, I don't expect you to pay a fare, but once-if just once- you would offer to give me gas money.
That hurts, T.
C.
That really hurts.
When I think of all the times I saved your butt in 'Nam.
You saved my butt? Ha.
! You got me confused with some other beautiful human being, Thomas.
Okay, uh, welcome to Kauai, the G- Garden Island.
The, uh, oldest island in the Hawaiian chain.
The first to be visited by Captain Cook.
Anything else you want to know, there's a tour guide back there somewhere.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Dixon, are you sure you won't reconsider and fly back with me? No.
No.
Not ever.
I guess in that case you're entitled to half your money back.
Nah.
But, you know, I'm a small operation.
That's okay.
Fares like this- Nah, forget it.
I'm sorry.
Come on, Alice.
You- Maybe you might- Well- Fi- I leave at 5:00.
Not coming back with us, huh? Gas money.
What? Thomas, I am going to Monkey Pete's for a beer.
When I get back, I want those gas tanks topped off and the gas paid for.
You got it? Don't you think you ought to use a half hitch there? You can backstroke to Oahu.
Well, if I had to be marooned, at least it was on Kauai with Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Ah.
Mai Ling.
Some days I shouldn't get out of bed.
Instead of Mai Ling, her Uncle Ho was in the shop.
For all Ho ever said to me, he could be mute.
But then, some people don't have to talk.
Hi, Ho.
Uh, is Mai Ling here? Ho? You know, I realize that you're very busy, but if Mai Ling is here, could you nod your head, blink or something? Ho? Ho.
Mai Ling.
I must apologize for my appearance.
Um, I was planting flowers at my father's grave.
I didn't expect you until this afternoon.
Uh, well, why were you expecting me at all? Oh, you've come every Saturday for a month now.
I hoped today would be the same.
And it is.
Did you fly in with your friend? What's his name? T.
C.
T.
C.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling, um, what the hell is going on here? I'm going to Oahu with you for the weekend.
You are? Of course, I intend to pay.
What for? For your services.
To protect the vase you're carrying until I can deliver it to a buyer flying from San Francisco Sunday.
I assume you do that sort of thing.
You are a private eye, aren't you? Well, I prefer "private investigator.
'' I also prefer to be asked.
I'm so sorry.
It was very stupid of me.
Mai Ling, I- I didn't say no.
I just said that I prefer to be asked.
Then I humbly ask you to be my protector, if that is a proper word, for the next two days and nights.
Well, I don't know if that's the proper word, but I accept.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Bye, Ho.
I wasn't quite sure what Mai Ling was up to, but how much trouble could I get into protecting her and a little vase? Excuse me.
Treasures of the Dove? Ah.
Thank you.
- Yes? - I'm looking for Mai Ling.
There is no one by that name here.
Do not lie to me.
- Mai Ling.
- I know nothing of anyone- No! Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Oahu.
And the Soul of Sung? With her! She took it with her.
When? Steady.
Now, lads.
Mai Ling, how are you with animals? What kind of animals? That kind.
Still in your jammies at this hour? Zeus, Apollo.
Patrol.
Mai Ling, this is Higgins.
He kind of takes care of the place.
I'll have an egg roll, the wonton soup and the chicken with snow peas.
And what, pray tell, are you doing with this one? He has agreed to be my protector.
Higgins.
Higgins.
I'm sorry, Magnum.
Really, I- Higgins.
! But the thought of you protecting a beautiful woman, you must admit- Higgins.
It's really rather funny.
Don't you think? No, I don't.
Well, I do.
At least, Mai Ling, you'll be safe in the main house.
Security is quite stringent, with one exception.
The only thing staying in the main house will be this vase.
Mai Ling will be in the guesthouse with me.
Vase? I'm staying with my Uncle Han in Kahala.
Uncle Han? What vase? The one Magnum is protecting until tomorrow.
You didn't say anything about an Uncle Han.
What kind of vase? Didn't I? No.
The only thing you said was you needed my protection day and night.
Surely you didn't think I meant- Yes, he did.
Is the vase Chinese? Mai Ling, of course I didn't think you meant- Of course.
It's Chinese.
Which dynasty? - Mai Ling.
- That's not a dynasty.
Sung.
Sung? It's this way.
Mai Ling, I hope you don't think that I thought what you think I was thinking.
Are you sure it's Sung? Yes.
Must be worth a bloody fortune.
Which is why I hired Magnum to protect it.
I never thought anything else.
Honest.
Ah.
May I open it? No.
Um, I'm merely an agent in this transaction.
The container was sealed in the seller's presence.
The seal cannot be broken by anyone but the buyer.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
I quite understand.
What, uh, color glaze? Blood red.
Oh, what a bloody shame.
I'm sorry.
I mean, I would love to have seen a Sung vase of that quality.
Well, if we're not going to see it, then why don't we just lock it in the safe? I can't open the safe until you leave the room.
It would be a breach of security.
Shall I open it? This is intolerable! That combination will be changed in the morning.
How did you get it? By watching you open the safe.
When? just now, Higgins.
Just now.
Mai Ling, lunch.
Excuse me, sir.
Yeah.
Did you just fly some people to Kauai? Huh? A fare to Kauai.
You need a flight to Kauai? I mean, you want to fly Island Hoppers? You must be new here.
Hey, step into my office.
Whoo-hoo.
! One born every minute.
Hoo-hoo! What was the bet again? Fifty.
Fifty.
Bucks? No, pesos.
They bet pesos in Hawaii.
Can you believe him? What is this? What are you doing? I'm writing my marker.
A marker? What do you think this is, Guys and Dolls? Ever hear of cash? I'm a little short, Rick.
Oh, I owe you for two days, plus expenses.
Mai Ling, that's all right.
I insist.
Please.
Let me.
No, it's fine.
Wait a minute.
You hired Magnum? He's my protector.
He's your protect- How about a walk on the beach before lunch, Mai Ling? He's been that way since 'Nam.
He's- Happens all of a sudden.
One minute he's fine.
The next thing, he snaps.
A protector! You have unusual friends.
I guess you could call Rick that.
Not just Rick.
T.
C.
, Higgins.
I wouldn't exactly call Higgins a friend.
Anyway, none of them are what they seem to be on the surface, are they? I mean, I've only briefly met them, but underneath, I sense something adventurous, perhaps even dangerous.
Especially in you.
It's what makes you so, uh, exciting.
You find me exciting? Very.
Then why are you running away from me to your Uncle Han's? Perhaps I, too, like to be asked.
Perhaps.
And perhaps you're just a beautiful woman who knows how to use flattery on a man.
I don't think I like what you're implying.
And I don't like to be lied to.
I don't know whether there was a Sung vase in that box or not, but I do know you lied to Higgins about the seal.
I watched your Cousin Ho seal that box in the antique shop just before you came in.
- There is a valuable vase in the box.
- Then why'd you lie to Higgins? Thomas, there are things I cannot explain.
Try me.
Perhaps tomorrow.
No.
Not tomorrow.
Right now.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Magnum.
! Magnum.
! Magnum.
It's T.
C.
, brah.
He's hurt bad.
Take it easy.
You got a couple of cracked ribs.
Lie back.
T.
C.
, you okay? No.
What happened? You're in big trouble, boy.
Yeah, he's in big trouble.
You got cracked ribs and a concussión, and he's in big trouble.
All right.
Look out.
- Ow! - I'm sorry.
Shouldn't you get him to a doctor? Snow pea, I've patched and stitched these two jokers so many times in 'Nam, I know 'em better than their mamas.
- What kind of trouble? - I don't know.
But I could guess.
A Chinese dude, Rick's size, asking who I brought in from Kauai and where he could find them.
- Did you tell him? - Does it look like I did? He did this? A Chinese guy about my size? He caught me by surprise.
Man, I ain't never seen nothing like this boy.
He just blinked and boom.
Never saw him move.
T.
C.
, I've seen you whip half a dozen guys in a bar fight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I must be getting slow.
just wham, bam.
The whole thing only took five seconds.
I'm just surprised he didn't kill me.
What did he look like? Like I said, Chinese dude, Rick's size, late 20s.
Oh, yeah.
He had something tattooed in the palms of his hands.
A red dragon? Yeah.
Yeah, I think it was.
You know who he is? I know what he is.
I must get to my Uncle Han.
Not till you explain what the hell's going on here.
I'll explain in the car.
I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you.
- You didn't cause it.
- Yes, I'm afraid I did.
Please, can we go? Anything he wants, Rick, it's on me.
What are you gonna pay with? Your marker? - Anything, Rick.
- Okay.
Phew.
Chinese dude about my size? Don't get cute, Orville.
Well? The dragon tattoo is a sign of the tong.
On the palm, it signifies a wing chun warrior of the first degree.
Some people believe such a man can kill with a look.
Only women can do that, Mai Ling.
- I'm serious.
- So am I.
You know, I am involved in whatever is going on here because I went slightly nuts over you, which is really pretty stupid considering our entire relationship consists of a- a single kiss on Waikiki in front of a couple thousand tourists.
Now, I do stupid things occasionally, and that's okay as long as I'm the only one who's hurt.
But my friend in there has a couple of busted ribs and a cracked head, and before somebody gets killed, I think you better start filling me in.
Some people have already been killed.
By who? The man with the tattoo? And others who came before him.
It's that vase, isn't it? What's it worth? As an art object, perhaps 100,000.
As a symbol, the Chinese Communists and Nationalists would both give millions for it.
Have you ever heard of the Soul of Sung? No.
I'm sure your friend Higgins has.
Oh, well, of course Higgins has.
It's a vase containing the ashes of a great Sung emperor, Hui Tsung.
It disappeared shortly after the death of the last empress of China, Tzu Hsi in 1908.
Mai Ling, what the hell does this have to do with this guy who's chasing you all over the Islands? On her deathbed, the empress gave the Soul of Sung to a courtier.
She made him swear upon his family name to protect it until another royal dynasty sat again once more upon the throne in China.
Of course.
It's all very clear to me now.
That courtier was my great-grandfather.
He died protecting that vase.
As did my father and 10 others in the family.
Perhaps, by now, 11.
Cousin Ho? I will know more when we reach my uncle.
Next street.
Turn left.
My family's alone in this, Thomas.
We must carry on as the empress instructed.
Now that I have been located, my Cousin Pin will take over.
He's the one flying in tomorrow.
You know, you could've told me, Mai Ling.
I can trust no one outside the family.
I only tell you now because I have no choice.
I would die to protect the Soul of Sung.
Would you? Mai Ling.
Uh, Mai Ling.
English, please.
Uncle Han does not speak English.
Well, how about French then? No.
Vietnamese? No.
Only Mandarin.
Only Mandarin.
Of course.
Hi, guy.
You speak English, hmm? Ah.
Of course.
Only Mandarin.
There you go.
Come on, little birdie.
You like that? No.
The tong murdered a merchant sailor last night on Hotel Street.
This sailor knew of my shop on Kauai, but not of this place.
So I'm safe for the moment.
What about your cousin? Uncle Han knows nothing.
Cousin Ho will contact us here if he's still alive.
Thomas, guard the vase closely tonight.
I'm staying with you.
I'm safe here.
Tomorrow, when my Cousin Pin arrives, we will give him the vase and then you can be with me.
Until then, the vase is the only thing that matters.
Not to me.
But to me.
And therefore it should be so to you too.
There'll be tomorrow.
At least we're cutting down on the size of the crowd.
I'll be back tonight.
I didn't like leaving Mai Ling, but I had to warn Higgins that a tong warrior might show up to bust his ribs, which was something that was still bugging me.
A tong would either walk away or kill.
He wouldn't cripple.
Not unless he needed T.
C.
alive.
You damn fool.
He was following you.
Han? Mai Ling? Mai Ling.
The note was short and to the point.
Mai Ling for the Soul of Sung.
Noon tomorrow.
The location was a pay phone on Waikiki.
He didn't bother to threaten.
He didn't have to.
I'll get her back.
I'll get her back.
Housing costs surged up by 1.
5 percent for the third consecutive month in a row.
Higgins wasn't around when I went for the vase, so I opened the safe, ran from the dogs and spent the rest of the night at Rick's setting things up.
The tong warrior would set up the swap in his favor.
All I could do was try and outguess him, then wait.
And wait.
He said noon, and it was already 2:00.
I was broiling.
And I had the feeling that's exactly what he wanted.
- Yeah.
- Walk Diamond Head.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
I didn't exactly panic, but I was glad I hadn't had lunch.
Where is she, hotshot? On the beach.
The other way.
If you leave the sand with her before I have the vase, you're both dead.
Where is it? It's the corner of Kalakaua and Ohua.
There's a blue Paradise Pedicab next to a grass shack.
The driver'll take you to the vase.
To put Mai Ling on the beach, he'd have brought her out before dawn.
That meant she'd been in the sun for eight, maybe nine hours, probably drugged with no liquids.
I had to find her.
Fast.
Hey, driver.
How much to Diamond Head, huh? I'm on a tanning break, sir.
A what? What? I never heard of such a thing.
Look, lady, will you move along? My cab's not for hire.
Come on.
I think we should report this to the police.
For why? This is a public vehicle.
This is licensed for the public to use.
Whoa, whoa.
Lady, lady.
Take a regular cab.
It's faster, and it's air conditioned.
Thank you.
Come on.
Give it ba- Al- Come on.
Alice.
Might as well take it.
That's all right.
What if- I'm not gonna turn it down.
If he gave it to me, I'm gonna take it.
What are you doing? I'm not gonna give it back to him.
He's a meshuggener.
Give it back to him.
You're crazy.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling.
Mai Ling? Mai Ling.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Uh- Uh, put that down and shade her.
Yeah.
Just like that.
I need an ambulance and some water.
Mai Ling? Mai Ling? It's all right, Mai Ling.
It's over and you're safe.
Under the seat there's a box.
Okay, we're even now, pal.
You got the vase.
We got Mai Ling.
Not quite.
- That could've been my head.
- What head? Come on, Higgins.
Lay off Orville.
He- He darn near busted a gut running away from that tong.
Real funny.
Let me tell you something, you big lug.
After what he did to that vase, I wasn't about to hang around and play ring-around-the-rosy until you showed up.
And besides, he was bigger than me.
Oh, I think you did great, Rick.
And you were supposed to land and give him a hand, T.
C.
Man, Orville pedaled so far into the forest, I had to park in a parking lot a half a mile away, and I don't run too good with busted ribs.
This vase is a reproduction.
- You mean it's a fake? - I didn't say that.
I said- I said it was a reproduction.
There's a difference, you know.
No, you wouldn't.
This vase was thrown sometime during the 15th century.
It's a Ming copy of the Sung original.
Probably commissioned by a member of the royal court.
So it was valuable, huh? Well, it's no Soul of Sung, but in one piece it would have been worth 50,000 or 60,000.
Bucks? Pounds.
I shall never forgive Mai Ling for not letting me see it.
Well, she couldn't risk it.
What? Well, she knew all along the tong would be following us.
I mean, she even set it up so that he could.
Yeah, man, but why would she do that? To buy time.
Time for her Cousin Pin to fly in to the Islands and escape with the real Soul of Sung.
Now, if she'd let Higgins see the vase, he might've recognized it as a fake.
- A reproduction.
- Whatever.
Anyway, she couldn't risk anyone knowing that the vase inside the box wasn't the real Soul of Sung.
If the tong found out, he would've known where the real vase was hidden.
Where? Right where she led him away from.
Kauai.
What'd the hospital say? A couple days rest and she'd be fine.
You talk to her? No, she was still pretty doped up.
I should have known something was wrong with her the minute she pretended she wanted to spend the weekend with you.
Come on, T.
C.
She hired me to protect the vase.
I didn't think she wanted to sleep with me.
Oh, you didn't, huh? Well, not exactly.
See, I mean- just the way she walked into the antique shop- Mm-hmm.
and the cute little way she apologized for her hands being dirty.
- Up! Take us up! - Huh? Take us up.
! She wasn't planting flowers.
She was hiding the vase.
There he is! No place to land, Thomas.
Behind those trees.
Uh, put her down.
I'll jump.
All right.
It's your funeral.
Hey, Thomas.
Don't be no hero, man.
Use the.
45.
Watch his eyes.
He blinks before he strikes.
By the time I hit the ground, I had so much adrenaline pumping I wasn't even scared.
Well, not too scared.
Halt! Turn around.
Down.
You're not a tong.
Pin Ling? Don't even think it.
Nobody's that fast.
What is it, Magnum? Oh, we just thought we'd come by and see how you were doing.
Ah.
Mai Ling.
Oh, no.
No, no.
I know you both speak English.
It is impolite of us to converse in Chinese.
I wanted to apologize for having lied to you about the vase.
I quite understand.
May I offer my condolences on the death of your Cousin Ho.
That is most appreciated.
Is the Soul of Sung safe? For the moment.
My Cousin Pin has departed with it.
Good.
I hope you don't mind.
I've been trying to piece this Ming versión back together.
This is very good.
During the war I was attached to the British Museum in Cairo for a brief stint.
Learned a thing or two.
You never told me that.
I don't tell you many things.
Which reminds me.
The combination to the safe has been changed to keep undesirables out.
Well, a dinner for two at the club says I can get in and out without you knowing it.
Impossible.
- Is it a bet? - It's a bet.
Come along, Mai Ling.
Dinner is on Higgins tonight.
You'll have to get into the safe first, Magnum.
I know.
Zeus, Apollo, kill!