Marvel's Avengers Assemble (2013) s01e03 Episode Script

1x03 - Ghost of a Chance Come on, Falcon, push it.
You're running out of time.
Well, someone's in a rush.
- Tony? - Hello.
I hate it when you do that.
I know.
What's in the box? A bomb? Let me jet it into the exosphere for you.
It's not a bomb.
Rare vaccine for a plague-stricken village? - No.
- Huh.
Well, it must not be very important then.
Tony! Evidence that can save a wrongly condemned man? No.
Really? Now, you've got me interested.
Give it back! Will you quit it? I'm nervous enough as it is.
For what? Move-in day? Sam, I had your stuff shipped in hours ago.
The morning briefing.
We're 10 minutes late.
Seriously? No, I never get to those things on time.
Takes Cap half an hour just to make coffee.
- Huge yawn.
- That's you.
I'm new.
Do I look calm? You've got wing-pit stains.
Sam, relax.
You're here for a reason.
Trust me, everyone is very cool at these things.
All right, Avengers.
Strategically, the Hulk has six options that we've trained for.
Sorry I'm late.
What's in the box, little bird? - My mom made cookies.
- Mmm.
A little embarrassing.
Uh, she didn't want me to show up empty-handed.
Keep them coming.
Dibs on that last oatmeal.
Whoa! No, come on.
That's mine.
The Son of Odin shall have that cookie! Hands off! Let's get you settled in while they work this out.
Say goodbye.
Avengers! - Who are you? - Falcon.
New guy.
We kicked the Red Skull and MODOK's butts together.
Ah, that Hawkeye sense of humor.
Don't quit your day job.
He's just pulling your feathers.
Or he woke up on the wrong side of the man-cave.
Either way, ignore him.
Tony, that wasn't me! This still doesn't feel real.
Oh, it'll be very real once we go through all of the official stuff.
- I'll teach you the secret handshake.
- There's a secret handshake? Note to self, "Does not get sarcasm.
" You're loving every minute of watching me geek out, aren't you? A little.
Here's your quarters.
Home-sweet home? - This is my room? - Yeah, I know, but I was working late in the lab and I needed space.
So do I.
Unless you know how to juggle unstable particles without tearing a hole in the universe, it's gonna have to wait.
This time I'm not kidding.
So what do I do if moving in is on hold? You're an Avenger now.
So go on, new kid, mingle.
Maybe I should move the unstable particles instead.
Master Barton, surely you received the memo that the Arc-reactor is not for popping your kettle corn.
I'm here to pop something else.
No! More cannot come across until we secure the portal.
There's one more than we planned for.
- Will the human impede our progress? - No, he's insignificant.
Distract him until we can bring over our brethren.
If he becomes a nuisance, destroy him.
- Thor's room.
- So, I just walk in? - He doesn't bite.
- He has a hammer.
Yeah, watch out for that.
Um, explanation for being bigger on the inside than the outside? Asgardian inter-dimensional decorating.
That's all I got until I figure it out.
I hate it when I don't know things.
Don't worry, Bilgesnipes love to wrestle.
Especially on Earth.
We're gonna see who else is available.
- You just go on with your Viking thing.
- I am not a Viking! Hawkeye is always good for a fight.
Let's see what he's up to.
Falcon, have you more cookies? Okay.
Isn't hygiene training standard at S.
H.
I.
E.
L.
D? For a guy with perfect aim, he can't hit a garbage can, can he? Where is he? In the lab.
I swear, if he's making popcorn again I gotta go.
Try Hulk.
He's a great sparring partner.
Me, spar the Hulk? Now, I know you're kidding.
Iron Man! Falcon! Look out! Squashed by a humongous green foot.
Not how I thought I'd go out.
Uh, Hulk? Maybe I'll just go a few rounds with JARVIS.
Like, at chess.
This must be Widow's room.
No way it's Hulk's.
Looks like my mom cleaned it.
Why, Natasha, who knew you were the glass animal type.
Cute.
Huh? To the right.
We don't talk about this ever.
I've been looking for you.
I was about to start a round of training.
You want in? With you? Yes, definitely, now.
Enthusiasm, nice.
- How do you like the tower so far? - Not what I expected.
JARVIS, respond.
I didn't program you to take coffee breaks.
Gentlemen, did someone call a meeting of the Break Tony's Stuff Committee? We do not play with the big boy equipment in the House of Stark.
Hmm.
Oh, boy.
Good.
But don't stay so focused on the forward drive that you forget your flanks.
Would it be totally wrong to say how surreal this is? I just want to fit in.
But I feel like any minute somebody's gonna say, "April Fools'.
" What you're feeling is totally normal, Sam.
But don't worry, I've studied your bio and fought at your side.
Truth is Phantom Captain America: I don't think you can cut it.
Thanks, that means the Wait.
What? Fly home, birdie.
While you still can.
Cap.
I don't I may be having first-day jitters, but that's not Cap.
Tony, something weird is going on.
Tony? Aah! Black Widow, you too? Great, maybe MODOK and Skull are up to their body-swapping tricks? Heard you wanted to spar.
Someone want to tell me what's going on here? Get down! Stunned face later.
Right now, follow me.
Hurry, we're compromised.
Throw the switches.
We're locking down the tower.
I was really hoping this was like a prank for my first official day on the job.
The exploding cake was going to be the prank.
This is an invasion.
Exploding what? Switch your heads-up display to ultraviolet.
One-nine-eight, nanometer range.
Tony! How does he say it? Oh, yes.
Hulk smash.
- What are these things? - If I knew, they'd be gone.
Surprise.
Don't hold back.
It isn't mind control.
That's some kind of copy.
- Like a clone? - It's beyond cellular.
Every atom in his body has been displaced by an identical packet of dark energy.
Displaced as in sent somewhere else? Where? You'll learn soon enough.
Now, brother! Tony! Falcon's nothing.
Finish him quickly so we can bring the others across.
Others? There are more of you? If that wasn't so unpleasant, I'd be really impressed.
Mind explaining what's so impressive about it? An alien life form that has no body, copies one, and then sends the original away apparently to a dark matter dimension? That's pretty elegant for a parasite.
Some days I'm glad I'm not a super genius.
I'd rather just be mad someone hacked into my body.
We've been watching the hostile takeover from these windows.
Probably how they studied us.
A small trans-dimensional rift.
And that, Mr.
Genius? That is very bad.
Hulk, do your thing.
Been doing it! They don't smash! Don't even make any noise.
Uh, you sure? Because I hear something.
Come on.
Come on.
They're all gone.
It's only me.
All me.
Finances.
Automation.
Finances.
Finances? All that money and you couldn't afford to give me a bigger room? Bingo, surveillance archives.
So I'm poking around with the fabric of the universe, and I've found this sort of limbo where dark matter seems to pool.
Limbo? Do not investigate.
I'm going to investigate.
JARVIS, put all this junk someplace, will you? Yeah, my room.
Fast forward.
Display UV spectrum.
He cracked open a door.
Now they want to kick it down and bring more through.
For an insignificant human, you've been quite annoying.
Not annoying, I'm avenging.
In case I actually survive this, I don't want the real Hulk to kill me.
Your resistance amounts to less than nothing.
We've absorbed life forms in countless dimensions.
But we coveted this one more than any other.
So rich with life, so many forms for our brethren to assimilate.
And the Avengers were the only force that could have stopped you so we were the first to be assimilated.
We're just trying to fit in.
You know how that feels.
Whatever.
We will stop you.
- There is no "we.
" - Huh? Nice try.
We can mimic organic and tech materials.
This armor is identical to the original.
But the guy inside is just a cheap copy who doesn't know the braking flap override is right here.
- He'll bring reinforcements.
- Let him.
By the time they come, we'll need the bodies.
We got company.
They are ugly.
Repulsors don't affect them.
But fists do.
Our ethereal bodies are on the same vibrational plane as theirs.
Finally, something I can smash! Why are they all attacking us? Didn't we get jumped already? We can handle a few space Phantoms.
Space Phantoms, seriously, that's what we're calling them? "Creepy ugly bad dudes" wasn't a better suggestion, Hawkeye.
I do not care what they're called, they will fall.
They're not here for us.
They're here for that.
We've established the dimensional bridge.
The rest of our brethren amass on the other side.
What's the delay? The barrier is more resilient than expected.
We need more energy to punch through.
Did someone say "punch"? I'm shutting down your dimensional doggie-door.
Go on, brave little bird.
Shut the portal and trap your team in limbo.
Forever.
They're alive? I am not the only one with weak points, am I? Sam! You're hardly even worth assimilating.
Though I'm sure someone will take you.
We are free! Avengers, trouble! No! Portal is open, folks.
You know what to do.
Stupid purple ghosts! Avengers, do whatever you have to.
Keep those things from entering our world.
Hey, space freaks.
Never underestimate an Avenger! Insignificant.
Redwing mode.
Toys won't help you.
He's using his redwing to create a vortex.
He's pulling those Phantom Avengers right at us.
Wish I would have thought of it.
Does this make Falcon officially smarter than you? Considering he survived the longest and got the Phantoms out of the tower? It's not over yet.
Falcon, what do we need to know about these guys? They have your strength, your equipment.
But they don't have your skills.
I'll show you skills.
No brains either.
That wasn't very smart, soldier.
Let's be civil about this.
You do civil.
I'll do angry! Hulk, a little help? What good is a simple hammer? Simple hammer.
Complex energy! Other questions? Ugh.
Nice breath! Stark, energy blasts work on our doubles.
Oh, that's cool.
I'll figure out the science later.
For now, badoosh.
Please, tell me my breath doesn't smell that bad.
I may be a super spy, but even I'm not that good a liar.
Think I'm nothing, huh? Just remember who put you back here.
We need to shut this door.
Hulk, quit playing around and give us some elbow room.
How's that for elbow room? Works for me.
You should do the honors.
Shut it down.
- Shut it down? - You're right, blow it up.
Thank you.
That was about your room, wasn't it? I'll have the stuff moved out.
After today, you're building me a bigger room.
Off the helipad.
You can afford it.
Way to rub his nose in it.
Hey, speaking of which did someone bake cookies? Careful.
You got Phantomed first.
No cookie for you.
I got dibs on that one.
Boys, step aside.
I'm hungry.
There's no tower like home.
Keep your filthy green hands off my cookie.
Where's my milk?