Metal Hurlant Chronicles (2012) s01e03 Episode Script
Three On A Match
Narrator: The last fragment of a once-living planet.
Its body blasted into dust by the madness of its own inhabitants, while its head was cursed to roam aimlessly through time and space, screaming in pain and sorrow.
In legend and in fact, it is known as Metal Hurlant.
My name is Stanley Summers.
And I'm having a bad day.
( explosions ) You know, it's always the same thing.
Hey, you're not whining about the captain again, are you? Come on, we're grown men, after all.
I mean, we're not her boy toys.
Yeah, I know.
The uniform doesn't make us her bitches.
But what are we supposed to do? Besides, it's not that bad.
Captain! Don't you call me that! Show some respect! I am a woman after all.
( groans ) That's Madame to you, you little idiot.
But, Captain-- Madame.
Well, well, well.
Are you a man or not? You won't go far in the Army with that kind of courage.
( grunts ) Well, if you ask me, a superior officer shouldn't take advantage of her soldiers.
Not like that.
Well, if you ask me, you sound a little gay.
Like you wouldn't be up to the task or something.
( grunting ) Shut up and give me your warrior face! Warrior face, I said! Oww! For God's sake.
That's more like it.
( growls ) Feel your inner energy and give me the party I deserve! ( growls ) Who me? No way! But I bet you anything, that'd excite her even more.
I could see it already.
Hmm.
Finally things are getting interesting.
She sounds like, "You know, Frank never did like pussy anyway, but he better be up to the task.
" "Now that's an order!" Ha! I'll bet you a bottle of whiskey, that guy can't walk for a day after this.
Well, from the sound of things in there Come on, soldier! You can do better than that! Break my fucking hips! He won't be able to walk for a week.
( both laughing ) Yes! Yeah! Yes! ( moaning ) They're all dead and I would be dead if I hadn't been on my way outside for routine maintenance.
Ugh, come on! Open up the door, I don't want to be fried! No! It's the damn emergency code.
You have to open up! Okay, I may be unlucky, but once the trilantium core melts, the whole ship will go! And you little thing will make me die! Ahh, thank--oh, no! ( powering up ) Grab your ass and hang on, grunt! We're blasting off now! What? But--But these escape pods are built to hold eight! There may be more survivors coming! Yeah, well, screw them! In a situation like this, it's every man for himself! If we don't get outta this, we're gonna end up dead like the rest of them poor bastards! So let's go! Watch out! Oh! Oh, no! We've got to ride out these shock waves! ( grunting ) Yeah.
It's easing up now.
No! We've been through the worst of it.
All we have to do is lay in the course for our base station in Orpheon.
I'm engaging the autopilot and sending a distress signal.
Ahh.
We're saved? Yes.
We are saved.
Mister? Oh, Summers, Stanley Summers, maintenance crew engineer.
Summers, meet Timarek and, yours truly, Kaskoff, from the Space Commandos.
Wow, you guys are the elite.
No wonder you made it, eh? - Yeah.
- Phew! Hurray, we're heroes.
And now we've established that fantastic fact, I'll go and check on the food supplies while we wait for the rescue ship.
Good idea.
Maybe there's a bottle of champagne to celebrate our lucky day.
( laughing ) Ahh, whew.
( snoring ) ( chuckling ) So tell me, are you enjoying yourself? Hey, Kaskoff! - Mm? - Wake up! Let's never forget how lucky we were today.
Things could've been a lot, lot worse.
Worst? Like, things can be worst than anyone dying? Hey, kiddo, you've never lived a KOTCHEV situation.
And you know what? You probably never will.
He's an engineer.
How would you like those pussies to know anything about the KOTCHEV incident? Hey--hey--hey, we engineers are the essence and spirit-- I will rip that tongue clean out of your head if you finish that full-of-shit sentence.
Yeah, kiddo, keeps your mouth shut.
That's the best thing for you, for the moment.
Huh? And listen up.
You may learn something.
Okay.
The KOTCHEV was a damn fine ship damn fine ship.
It was traveling through the Ghaltar Par Region with its escort, when suddenly a--a small ship made a jump near them.
Nobody knew who it was.
But against all odds, this small fighter decided to launch a suicidal attack against the convoy.
They crashed into KOTCHEV? ( clicks tongue ) And this small ship, it was seriously outnumbered.
Nobody was able to hit it.
It was like madness, not one single shot.
But it was taking out the escort, one after the other.
You know, it was like destiny.
Like destiny had decided the entire fate of all of those people in that convoy.
They were killed.
They never made it out alive.
And when they recovered the KOTCHEV, they discovered that not one single scratch was made on that ship.
You know, they docked onto the KOTCHEV.
Two pilots.
They killed everyone on that ship, alone.
The ones who wanted to defend themselves and the ones that-- that left the ship, just after overcharging the engines.
And you know something? There was over 1,000 people on that convoy.
And none of them ever stood a chance against them.
So when I say to you, "We're lucky," believe me, we are.
Things could've been a whole lot worse.
( alarm buzzes ) What the fuck is going on? Kaskoff, just calm down.
Let me take a look.
A piece of debris from the explosion must have punctured our hull.
We're losing air.
Based on this rate of leakage there might be enough air for two of us to reach Orpheon.
But no way three.
Well, we may have been lucky, but it just keeps going from bad to worse, eh? So, what are we gonna do, fellas? You're getting unlucky.
Stanley: Come on, you bastards! Oh, come on, bastards! ( grunting ) Goddamn motherfuckers! Bastards! ( laughing ) I mean--I mean, what a coward! He's probably still screaming in space now! You got that right, Timarek.
He should be thankful we let him keep his suit on.
He's got an hour worth of Both: free air.
( static ) Stanley: You don't need to do this! There's a full tank of-- ( static ) ( laughing ) ( sighs ) ( rumbling ) Yes, the rescue ship will be here in under an hour.
That's not gonna cut it.
Huh? What do you mean? We're losing oxygen faster than I originally calculated.
If we don't pick up speed or Or what? Or else there won't be enough oxygen for both of us to make it back to base.
So I guess it's time to-- You fucking-- Fuck you! ( grunting ) Aah! ( screaming ) ( panting ) You always giving lesson.
Can't stand your fucking stories! ( grunting ) ( screams ) It is time to die and save the life of others.
( panting ) Damn fool.
Fighting me like that ( knocking ) ( static ) rescue shuttle, please prepare to be docked.
The rescue ship.
This is the captain of the U.
S.
S.
Vancouver.
Do you copy? Prepare to be docked in 50, 49 I made it, I made it.
48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43 ( gasping ) 42, 41, 40 ( beeping ) Captain! At ease.
Rescue mission L-70 is completed, sir.
And what's the status of the men found in the pod, lieutenant? They're dead, sir.
Both of them? Both of them, sir.
From the looks of them, neither one went easy.
It would appear the poor bastards had problems communicating.
Stanley: I--I tried to tell them, you know.
And who the hell are you? If they only listened to me, we'd all have made it.
And just how did you survive, sir? That's the funny part.
Bloody bastards actually saved my life.
Because, when they pushed me out of the escape pod, I found the piece of debris that had pierced their shell.
Its body blasted into dust by the madness of its own inhabitants, while its head was cursed to roam aimlessly through time and space, screaming in pain and sorrow.
In legend and in fact, it is known as Metal Hurlant.
My name is Stanley Summers.
And I'm having a bad day.
( explosions ) You know, it's always the same thing.
Hey, you're not whining about the captain again, are you? Come on, we're grown men, after all.
I mean, we're not her boy toys.
Yeah, I know.
The uniform doesn't make us her bitches.
But what are we supposed to do? Besides, it's not that bad.
Captain! Don't you call me that! Show some respect! I am a woman after all.
( groans ) That's Madame to you, you little idiot.
But, Captain-- Madame.
Well, well, well.
Are you a man or not? You won't go far in the Army with that kind of courage.
( grunts ) Well, if you ask me, a superior officer shouldn't take advantage of her soldiers.
Not like that.
Well, if you ask me, you sound a little gay.
Like you wouldn't be up to the task or something.
( grunting ) Shut up and give me your warrior face! Warrior face, I said! Oww! For God's sake.
That's more like it.
( growls ) Feel your inner energy and give me the party I deserve! ( growls ) Who me? No way! But I bet you anything, that'd excite her even more.
I could see it already.
Hmm.
Finally things are getting interesting.
She sounds like, "You know, Frank never did like pussy anyway, but he better be up to the task.
" "Now that's an order!" Ha! I'll bet you a bottle of whiskey, that guy can't walk for a day after this.
Well, from the sound of things in there Come on, soldier! You can do better than that! Break my fucking hips! He won't be able to walk for a week.
( both laughing ) Yes! Yeah! Yes! ( moaning ) They're all dead and I would be dead if I hadn't been on my way outside for routine maintenance.
Ugh, come on! Open up the door, I don't want to be fried! No! It's the damn emergency code.
You have to open up! Okay, I may be unlucky, but once the trilantium core melts, the whole ship will go! And you little thing will make me die! Ahh, thank--oh, no! ( powering up ) Grab your ass and hang on, grunt! We're blasting off now! What? But--But these escape pods are built to hold eight! There may be more survivors coming! Yeah, well, screw them! In a situation like this, it's every man for himself! If we don't get outta this, we're gonna end up dead like the rest of them poor bastards! So let's go! Watch out! Oh! Oh, no! We've got to ride out these shock waves! ( grunting ) Yeah.
It's easing up now.
No! We've been through the worst of it.
All we have to do is lay in the course for our base station in Orpheon.
I'm engaging the autopilot and sending a distress signal.
Ahh.
We're saved? Yes.
We are saved.
Mister? Oh, Summers, Stanley Summers, maintenance crew engineer.
Summers, meet Timarek and, yours truly, Kaskoff, from the Space Commandos.
Wow, you guys are the elite.
No wonder you made it, eh? - Yeah.
- Phew! Hurray, we're heroes.
And now we've established that fantastic fact, I'll go and check on the food supplies while we wait for the rescue ship.
Good idea.
Maybe there's a bottle of champagne to celebrate our lucky day.
( laughing ) Ahh, whew.
( snoring ) ( chuckling ) So tell me, are you enjoying yourself? Hey, Kaskoff! - Mm? - Wake up! Let's never forget how lucky we were today.
Things could've been a lot, lot worse.
Worst? Like, things can be worst than anyone dying? Hey, kiddo, you've never lived a KOTCHEV situation.
And you know what? You probably never will.
He's an engineer.
How would you like those pussies to know anything about the KOTCHEV incident? Hey--hey--hey, we engineers are the essence and spirit-- I will rip that tongue clean out of your head if you finish that full-of-shit sentence.
Yeah, kiddo, keeps your mouth shut.
That's the best thing for you, for the moment.
Huh? And listen up.
You may learn something.
Okay.
The KOTCHEV was a damn fine ship damn fine ship.
It was traveling through the Ghaltar Par Region with its escort, when suddenly a--a small ship made a jump near them.
Nobody knew who it was.
But against all odds, this small fighter decided to launch a suicidal attack against the convoy.
They crashed into KOTCHEV? ( clicks tongue ) And this small ship, it was seriously outnumbered.
Nobody was able to hit it.
It was like madness, not one single shot.
But it was taking out the escort, one after the other.
You know, it was like destiny.
Like destiny had decided the entire fate of all of those people in that convoy.
They were killed.
They never made it out alive.
And when they recovered the KOTCHEV, they discovered that not one single scratch was made on that ship.
You know, they docked onto the KOTCHEV.
Two pilots.
They killed everyone on that ship, alone.
The ones who wanted to defend themselves and the ones that-- that left the ship, just after overcharging the engines.
And you know something? There was over 1,000 people on that convoy.
And none of them ever stood a chance against them.
So when I say to you, "We're lucky," believe me, we are.
Things could've been a whole lot worse.
( alarm buzzes ) What the fuck is going on? Kaskoff, just calm down.
Let me take a look.
A piece of debris from the explosion must have punctured our hull.
We're losing air.
Based on this rate of leakage there might be enough air for two of us to reach Orpheon.
But no way three.
Well, we may have been lucky, but it just keeps going from bad to worse, eh? So, what are we gonna do, fellas? You're getting unlucky.
Stanley: Come on, you bastards! Oh, come on, bastards! ( grunting ) Goddamn motherfuckers! Bastards! ( laughing ) I mean--I mean, what a coward! He's probably still screaming in space now! You got that right, Timarek.
He should be thankful we let him keep his suit on.
He's got an hour worth of Both: free air.
( static ) Stanley: You don't need to do this! There's a full tank of-- ( static ) ( laughing ) ( sighs ) ( rumbling ) Yes, the rescue ship will be here in under an hour.
That's not gonna cut it.
Huh? What do you mean? We're losing oxygen faster than I originally calculated.
If we don't pick up speed or Or what? Or else there won't be enough oxygen for both of us to make it back to base.
So I guess it's time to-- You fucking-- Fuck you! ( grunting ) Aah! ( screaming ) ( panting ) You always giving lesson.
Can't stand your fucking stories! ( grunting ) ( screams ) It is time to die and save the life of others.
( panting ) Damn fool.
Fighting me like that ( knocking ) ( static ) rescue shuttle, please prepare to be docked.
The rescue ship.
This is the captain of the U.
S.
S.
Vancouver.
Do you copy? Prepare to be docked in 50, 49 I made it, I made it.
48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43 ( gasping ) 42, 41, 40 ( beeping ) Captain! At ease.
Rescue mission L-70 is completed, sir.
And what's the status of the men found in the pod, lieutenant? They're dead, sir.
Both of them? Both of them, sir.
From the looks of them, neither one went easy.
It would appear the poor bastards had problems communicating.
Stanley: I--I tried to tell them, you know.
And who the hell are you? If they only listened to me, we'd all have made it.
And just how did you survive, sir? That's the funny part.
Bloody bastards actually saved my life.
Because, when they pushed me out of the escape pod, I found the piece of debris that had pierced their shell.