Mighty Med (2013) s01e03 Episode Script

Man, I'm getting really good at this! I should be a demon hunter in real life.
That, or a high school teacher.
Oh, go with the demon hunter, they deal with fewer demons.
( Vibrating ) Oh, no.
It's my dad.
He keeps asking where I go after school every day, and I can't tell him about our job.
Kaz! What? Do I have something on my face? This is serious.
What am I gonna tell my dad? Just tell your dad you're hanging out here.
He doesn't want me coming here.
He thinks all this superhero stuff is a waste of time.
Oh, and like what he does is so important.
He's a brain trauma researcher.
Just tell your dad you're hanging out at my house.
Oliver: I can't.
He also doesn't want me hanging out with you.
He thinks you're reckless, out of control, and never take responsibility for your own actions.
One time you go home with half of your head shaved, and suddenly I'm reckless? And I take responsibility for my actions.
Wasn't me.
He did it.
Okay, yo! Every day's an adventure you never know by the looks on our face at the school when we enter leave class early, work at 3:30 hit the comic store, read up before the journey all these new issues and super powers if we didn't have to work we'd be here for hours everybody say that we shouldn't worry but have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney? will we save the world today? you never know will we all be safe today? You never know will we fly away or stay? You never know but you know we mighty med team up and let's go! Save the people that save people after classes we flip the page and jump to action they call us normo no elite fantastic seeing superheroes that we only imagined this type of life you got to have fight put up your fist and fight for what's right never can tell what we see is out of sight do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight will we save the world today? you never know will we all be safe today? You never know will we fly away or stay? You never know but you know we mighty med team up and let's go! There.
Brain matter is good as new.
His head is on backwards.
Well, then he's better than new, he now has the power to see his own butt.
Oliver, Kaz, help us settle an argument.
This snake looks poisonous, right? Gus, there's nothing in there.
Gus: Uh-oh.
This is terrible! Now we'll never be able to settle our argument.
Gus, we're not having an argument.
You're talking to yourself, and I'm listening to a book on tape.
I wonder why they stopped making brain matter comic books and movies.
There hasn't been one in years.
Oh, no.
I know that look.
You're gonna search obsessively for the answer to a totally unimportant question.
Yeah, even if it means abandoning your school work, your friends, and your already shaky commitment to showering.
Okay, "a," everybody's already trying to answer the important questions and "b," I showered on Tuesday.
A week ago Tuesday.
I remember.
You smelled great that day.
( Vibrating ) Excuse us for a moment.
My dad just texted me "where are you?" ( Sighs ) Maybe I should just come clean and tell him about ( Whispers ) The thing.
All right.
Here's what you do.
You make up an after-school activity.
Something that sounds productive so he'll get off your case, but so boring he won't ask for details.
That's actually a good idea, Kaz.
Hmm.
Where'd you come up with that? Oh, in alibi club.
Yeah, and if anybody asks That's where I am right now.
Help settle another argument.
How many times a year does the average person go to the bathroom? I say six.
Ugh.
Oliver, your backpack stinks.
I know.
Stop putting your gym shoes in here.
Where else am I gonna put them, in my backpack? They stink.
You know what else stinks, by the way? The advice you gave me about my dad.
Oh, why? What happened? Well, I know he doesn't like the theater, so I told him I was in a play.
Ah, what play? That's what he said.
And since I wasn't prepared for him to ask, I was like, "um um um" So now he thinks that's the title of the play.
What would a play called "um, um, um" possibly be about? That's what he said.
And since we're reading Frankenstein in English class, I told him it was about Frankenstein, but the monster says he name like, ( Frankenstein voice ) "Um Um Ummm" Frankenstein? That's so played out.
Why would a bunch of high school kids wanna go see that? That's what he said.
So, I told him it was an updated version set in the white house.
Oh, well, that actually sounds good.
I'd like to see that.
That's what he said! So on Friday, he wants to go to a play that does not exist! What am I gonna do? He's gonna know I'm lying.
Well, Oliver, when you're caught in a lie there's really only one thing to do.
Tell the truth.
No! Pile an even bigger lie on top of the first lie.
My brother taught me that.
The brother who's in jail? You'll have to be more specific.
Well, I really hate lying, but I can't tell my dad about mighty med.
So, I guess I'll have to write and produce an entire school play by Friday, which means I can't work at might med so my dad doesn't find out I work at mighty med.
It's pretty funny when you think about it.
No, it's not.
Well It's pretty funny when i think about it.
( Grunting ) Aah! ( Beeping ) Why am even bothering at physical therapy? My powers are never coming back.
But you're making tremendous progress.
At what? Accepting crushing disappointment.
Hey, Horace.
I have a question for you.
Is it important? Probably not.
Then you have my full attention.
Hardly anyone is asking the really unimportant questions these days.
I know! Hey, anyway, since comic books are based off of real super heroes, I was wondering why there aren't any more stories about brain matter.
( Horror movie music plays, woman screams ) Sorry, that was my phone.
I was just changing the ring tone.
Why do you have a phone? You've been on this planet for, like, a week.
You don't know anybody.
That's why I got the no friends and no family plan.
So what happened to brain matter? ( Horror movie music plays, Horace gasps ) Why do you keep doing that every time I say "brain matter"? ( Horror movie music, Horace gasps ) Oh, you're hiding something.
And not very well.
Stop meddling.
I have some important work for you to do.
"Change light bulbs, clear away cobwebs.
" This is just busy work.
No, it isn't.
The title of the list is "busy work for Kaz.
" Kaz: Something weird's going on here.
Something scary and weird and I'm gonna find out what that big secret is.
Can I help? I'm going nuts sitting around here waiting for my powers to return.
I'm so desperate, I'm willing to voluntarily spend time with you.
You know, that's not the first time I've heard that.
And I'm not insulted.
Sure.
You can help, but be careful it could be dangerous.
Aah! Hello? Uh, no one there.
You're right.
There is a secret.
And it's the most amazing secret ever.
And I could tell you what it is, but I never will! Is it that nobody likes you? Ha! That's not secret.
So Jordan, wanna see my umbilical cord? I keep it in my wallet.
Jordon, Gus, I need a favor.
You have to help me put on a play by tomorrow.
Why? So my dad doesn't keep asking me where I go after school every day.
Where do you go after school every day? I have got to start preparing for follow-up questions.
Uh, I-I have job.
I-I work, um Making sandwiches.
At a sandwich shop.
But I have to keep it a secret from my father.
Why wouldn't you want your father to know you make sandwiches? He hates sandwiches, okay? He hates sandwiches and I love them, ( choked up ) And it's tearing our family apart.
( Normal voice ) Now, will you help me put on this play or not? Absolutely, but only because I'm sure it'll be terrible.
And there's nothing more delightful than watching a friend fail.
Then why don't you like me more? I said watching a friend fail, fair enough.
Well, I'll do it too.
But only if you bring free sandwiches.
And hold the Mayo.
Fine.
No, seriously.
Hold the Mayo.
Thank you.
His backpack's so much lighter with only one jar of Mayo in it.
Now, open up and say "ah.
" Okay.
You're perfectly healthy.
Hey, skylar and I have looked through files for information about brain matter and we found this.
Brain matter checked into the hospital years ago but never checked out.
I don't know what you're talking about.
If you don't tell me what it is, I will Start beatboxing right now.
He's just crazy enough to do it.
( Beatboxing ) Okay! Okay, stop! I'll tell you.
The tell of brain matter is dark and macab Re.
Because of him, something monstrous is hidden behind some door in mighty med.
Whatever you do, do not open that door.
It is the door of doom! Now, we're having problems with the locks, so I need you to open every door in mighty med.
But what about the door of doom? Do not open the door of doom! But how will we know which door it is? I've said too much.
Actually, you haven't! I appreciate you guys helping me.
Gus, here are the sandwiches you asked for, which were free and not 5 .
99 each because I work at a sandwich shop.
Gross.
I don't want these.
There's Mayo on them.
What? You carry around gallons of Mayo.
Not to eat.
I have a comment about the script.
There's a point where watching your friends fail is no longer delightful, and instead becomes just Fantastic! Oh, let me congratulate you on how truly awful this script is.
Well, it doesn't have to be good, just has to convince my father it's an actually play.
Now, in the first scene I, president Frankenstein, bring Gus, my hideous vice president creature to life.
Now, I want the atmosphere to be scary.
You want scary? Two words, use dry ice to make fog.
It is scary that you think that was two words.
But I would love fog all over the stage.
Done.
I know a guy.
Let's call him "Louie, who can get dry ice.
" Everybody knows a guy who can get dry ice.
Anyone can get it.
Nu-uh.
I know a guy, let's call him "ira, who can't get dry ice.
" But since we need dry ice, I will not be calling ira today.
( Sighs ) I'm so conflicted.
I'm dying to find out what happened to brain matter, but I don't want to die finding out what happened to brain matter.
What if we open the door of doom? ( Clattering ) ( Sighs ) I wish I would have done item one on Horace's list, "change the light bulbs.
" ( Door creaking ) Aah! Oh, relax.
They're just selling super scout cookies.
I'll take two boxes of mutant mints.
Those don't have coconut, right? 'Cause I hate coconut.
( Girls hissing, Kaz screams ) ( Door creaking ) ( Both screaming ) ( Skylar sighs ) It's the door we haven't opened.
It's gotta be the door of doom.
Stop being such a baby.
Aah! My eyes! Hey! A little privacy please? ( Organ music plays, applause ) They called me "mad" when I created a monster who would have tie-breaking vote in the senate.
Now, before being one heart beat away from the presidency, I must give it A heart beat! ( Phone ringing ) I've gotta go.
My dad has a meeting and he needs his suit back.
Um, I can't do the play without you.
The monster's in every scene.
Try improv, people love improv.
People hate improv.
I know.
It's the worst! Um my monster.
I-it's alive! And has to run some errands! Well, we opened every door in the hospital.
No door of doom and no brain matter.
Maybe Horace was just testing us.
Maybe there is no door of doom.
Aah! What's wrong? We're out of tofu-pops.
( Groans ) That's weird.
Who put a brain matter figurine in the freezer? Oh, wow.
This thing's really heavy.
( Buzzing ) It's glowing! What's going on? It's the real brain matter.
What happened to you? The last thing I remember I was conducting an experiment on myself.
Something went terribly wrong, but I can't remember what.
( Gasping ) ( Moaning ) ( Groaning ) ( Deep voice ) Now I remember.
( Growling ) What did you do? I told you not to open the door of doom why didn't you just tell me not to open the freezer? Because I know you.
If I said, "Kaz, don't open the freezer" the frist thing you'd do is open the freezer.
I opened it anyway! ( Brain matter screaming ) Skylar: Um, guys He can pulverize things.
Everyone, up here! Huddle together! Force field activate.
What's happening? Brain matter was a hero.
How'd he become this monster? You're like a dog with a bone.
Just let it go.
All right, if that's the way you want it.
( Beatboxing ) Okay! Okay, fine.
Fine.
I'll tell you.
Brain matter was a brilliant scientist and crime fighter who invented his own weapons.
Miracles of technology that made him a hero to be reckoned with.
But brain matter grew envious of superheroes who didn't have rely on weapons.
So, he developed a serum that would give him his own superpowers.
I had heard the rumors, so I went to investigate.
But I was too late.
Wait, wait, wait.
This happened in the 1970s? No, this was five years ago.
I just had a very outdated sense of style.
Anyway Brain matter made a miscalculation with the serum, and turned into a hideous violent beast.
With an insatiable appetite for human brains.
My freezing the monster, we were able to neutralize and shrink him.
We stored him here until we could develop a cure.
If he is so dangerous, why would you keep him in a regular freezer? He was hidden behind the tofu-pops.
Who would eat a tofu-pop? The force field is stretched too thin trying to protect all of us.
We need to figure out a way to freeze him.
Do you have some kind of freezing chamber in this hospital? ( Mocking ) Do we have some kind of freezing chamber in this hospital? No.
But we have a freezing ray in the E.
R.
All right.
Let me think.
Oh! I got it.
Okay.
Horace, let me out and I will lure him to the freezing ray.
He'll rip you apart.
I can't let you do that.
Let him.
Let him! Kaz, are you sure about this? I'm never sure of anything I do, why would I start now? Wait! What are you gonna do? When brain matter worked in his lab, he always listened to Mozart.
And he hated to be disturbed.
The one thing that disturbed his most was Hey, Brian matter! ( Beatboxing ) ( Roaring ) It w whoa! Aah! ( Growling ) ( People screaming ) Horace! Is the freezing ray ready? Oh, no! We're out of dry ice! Help! Do something! Aah! Don't eat my brains.
Okay, I'm sorry about beatboxing would do you want to hear some Mozart? I don't know any Mozart.
So for my next improve, I'm an astronaut in a sporting goods store acting in the style of Shakespeare.
So yeah.
( Imitates radio sound ) Me thinks our jogging outfit beith overpriced.
Roger that, Houston.
Jordan, help me out here.
Are you kidding? You're doing horrible.
Oh! Tears.
Actual tears of joy.
I had to give my dad his suit back.
But I got one from my mom.
At last! My monster has returned.
What are you doing here? I'm in the middle of my play.
( Panting ) Monster.
Beatboxing.
Mozart.
He already did that improv.
Chased me.
All the way from mighty med.
Lost him.
( Roars ) Aah! Didn't lose him! ( Roars ) That's brain matter.
He accidentally turned himself into a brain-eating monster.
Do something! The only way to stop him is to freeze him.
We can push him into the dry ice.
Oh! And I think I know how to do it.
The love of brain matter's life was his lab assistant the brilliant, but homely, Colleen MacKenzie.
Kaz: Oh, that's right! He's been searching for her ever since she disappeared on that foggy night.
We need a Colleen MacKenzie! Jordan! Not homely enough.
No.
But Gus is.
Gus, go stand by the coffin! If I had a dollar for every time I heard that Kaz: Oh, no.
The monster has Jordan.
( Jordan laughing ) This play just keeps getting worse and worse.
This is the best day ever.
( Roaring ) Kaz: Hey, brain matter! Brain matter! Look, look! Hey, it's coleen.
She's returned to you.
It worked! Yes! Ah! ( Cheering ) So, does this monster guy go to our school? He's totally my type.
Hey.
So, turns out my dad never even showed up.
And this is so typical.
I worked for minutes and minutes on that play.
Probably had to work late again.
Huh, that's what he said.
He just called.
Why do you have my phone? That's what he said.
Anyway, I told him that the play went so well, that the school wants to do an encore performance.
What?! He's gonna wanna come.
That's what he said! So, now I have to do this all over again? I cannot believe you did this! Hey! Save your energy.
You have a performance tomorrow.