Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (2003) s01e03 Episode Script

ANNOUNCER: What are these people running from? They're not, they're running to the world's toughest game show in town.
Today a team of dairy industry workers takes on a team of autoworkers in the classic battle of lactose versus lube jobs.
Get fired up for MXC, most extreme elimination challenge.
And now here's Kenny Blankenship and Vick Romano.
[CHEERING.]
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hello.
We got a great show today, the dairy industry workers versus the automotive workers.
VIC ROMANO: That's right, the people that keep this great country moving.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And mooing [LAUGHTER.]
.
Hey I heard you bought a new car.
VIC ROMANO: That's right Ken I bought Bruce's car.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You bought Bruce's car? VIC ROMANO: Yeah it's a fine '78 station wagon.
Hey what are you guys laughing at? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's a death trap.
VIC ROMANO: Knock it off, you stop that.
Let's go to Guy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: I thank you boys.
It's me, Guy here with my simple friend Spencer.
We anticipate the competition to be pretty fierce today.
In the preliminaries the dairy industry workers and their archrivals from the automotive industry reached havoc, carnage and total destruction.
And as we continue I am expecting even more fireworks.
Now down to Captain Tennille.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Hello players, let's kick it off with a question.
I say autoworkers and dairy I think union.
How many of you are proud of that American tradition? [CHEERING.]
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Well-organized labor is the leech that is sucking our economy dry.
Remember that.
Got it? [LAUGHTER.]
Well enough politics.
So, uh, what do you do? Over in this group, what do you - - what do you do over here? FEMALE: Hi, yeah we're against SUVs, um, they're dangerous, we hate them and they're gas-guzzlers.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Hmm, let me guess I bet you're a tree hugger aren't you? [LAUGHTER.]
And they're all clowns, how appropriate.
Let's go.
[ MUSIC .]
[CHEERING.]
VIC ROMANO: So let's get to our first challenge of the day.
A little thing we call wall bangers.
Like Skanky says it's four walls with four doors, but some of them are locked.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And leading it off with the autoworkers here's Jimmy Dalmao.
He's a gasket flasher out of Milwaukee and he's [OVERLAP.]
right through the first door, yes.
Looking very, very good.
Well it looks in - - like he may have dropped his keys or something.
[OVERLAP.]
Oh.
And he stalls out.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well good thing he found his keys 'cause he's goin' home.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is Ken.
And here's Jerry Munster, he's a dairy curd curdler.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nothing worse than uncurdled curd.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed, sour tasting and binding.
And there he goes, he's further Oh, Skanky, he avoids Skanky easily and he's through the third door Ken.
Then he does a switch up [OVERLAP.]
oh - - [LAUGHTER.]
he takes it hard.
That little bit of strategy didn't seem to pay off.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, look the cattle have already been through this course.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Oh and there you go.
A sign of poor sportsmanship [OVERLAP.]
, something so prevalent in the dairy industry.
Up next, Don Sparks.
He's a car painter specializing in first coats.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, check out his foot first style.
VIC ROMANO: Ooh and his butt first landing, eh, Ken? There he goes through the second door and he's hit hard and he's down.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Guess his feet didn't help him there.
VIC ROMANO: No, looks like he could use some undercoating himself.
Let's look at it again.
Through that first one and right there it's as no go.
And mud flap artisan Bobby Lamb.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh he comes in like a fighting lamb and goes out like a dejected little girl.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, right you are Ken.
Next up Irving Proctor, he's a bovine inseminator, little trouble on his feet there.
[OVERLAP.]
And he's got that unique headfirst style, uses at the office.
Well it appears he's fallen into something there Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That's from our friends at Spiffy Lube.
VIC ROMANO: Reclaimed motor oil? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: No it's from their porta-potty.
VIC ROMANO: Excellent.
And Skanky tries to give him some trouble but, uh, Irving gets right by 'em through the third door and he's all the way through the [OVERLAP.]
- - unbelievable.
I smell a Taco Bell impact replay.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let's take a look.
Here he is, he's starting his double fisted, face first sea finder dive.
VIC ROMANO: That's top notch insemination Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And next up, Arlene Spally, she's a DMV vision tester, hello Arlene over here [OVERLAP.]
- - there she is.
Geez she didn't even try, typical government worker.
VIC ROMANO: That was kind of a waste of time, wasn't it Ken? And starting out with a little slip there, that's Felicia Felicita, she's an udder fluffer.
I can't tell you how important it is to keep those udders primed and excited.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What a gamer.
VIC ROMANO: She is indeed.
Right through the first one and oh the second one too.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You know I hear she has never missed a day of udder fluffing.
VIC ROMANO: Quite remarkable attendance record, right you are Ken.
There she goes and there Skanky tries to give her a double fist.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Little stagger.
VIC ROMANO: Yeah, oh she makes her way around and Ken she's through the third wall.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Taking her time.
VIC ROMANO: She's lining herself up and there she takes off and she's done it.
She has done it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Let's take a look at that again.
VIC ROMANO: And here she is turning off a little bit of a slip, and she definitely was very deliberate, took her time through the course, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well here's what slowed her down.
Look at all of that extra cottage cheese she's got to lug around.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed, or as they say in the auto industry, too much junk in the trunk.
But either way she's put her team ahead two zero.
She's got a nice smile though.
And here's Seth Wyman, oh, takes a spill there.
He's an odometer refurbisher for the used car industry.
Seth makes it through wall number one but he's gotta make it through all four of these if these auto workers are gonna stay alive.
There's number two.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he gets a taste of the fluid donated by our friends at Spiffy Lube.
VIC ROMANO: Looks like he got more than a taste there Ken.
And of course Skanky's gotta deal with him now.
Oh, nice little head fake and he's through the third wall.
And what's he gonna do here? The wrong thing.
And the autoworkers are down two zip.
So can they come back Kenny or are they as dead as your sex life? ANNOUNCER: Get wet, get dirty, get ready for get hard.
Next on MXZ [ MUSIC .]
ANNOUNCER: MXZ continues as the dairy workers try to cream the autoworkers.
VIC ROMANO: And welcome back, and that of course is Irving Proctor, the bovine inseminator who put the dairy workers in the lead.
Kenny he has really raised the bar on this competition.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I can't believe he gets paid to put his own hands inside a cow.
VIC ROMANO: I can't believe he uses his own semen.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And it's time to get hard.
The competition is gonna get a lot stiffer.
Why? Because our automotive and dairy teamers must crawl through 18 million cubic feet of quick drying cement and get to the other side before they get hard.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hey isn't that where they're putting the new parking lot? VIC ROMANO: Why I believe it is Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You see over there where those guys are getting hard? That's my parking spot, right by the dumpster.
VIC ROMANO: Good for you Ken.
Now remember the basic rule of this elimination challenge is that you crawl on all fours, grab a flag and continue on to the finish line.
And look at Bart Hayward, what a great stroke.
We had a chance to speak with him earlier.
BART: I like the feel of cement in my pants, is, uh - - uh, squishy.
VIC ROMANO: Well you can't argue with that, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Speaking of squishy, here's my Taco Bell impact replay.
Ooh look at her, she's a dirty girl.
She needs to be washed and spanked.
VIC ROMANO: Ken, I don't think that that actually qualifies as an impact replay.
And here taking a flag, LBK, he mounts rear bumpers.
LBK: My plan is to start slow and come from behind.
VIC ROMANO: And he's wiping up the rear right now.
Look like there's still quite a few cement swimmers on the course and it looks like that cement is starting to set up.
Well that's not good for the straddlers Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Ooh look, they dirty girls [LAUGHTER.]
.
Look at the high beams on those, huh? It's my first cement tee-shirt contest.
VIC ROMANO: All right Ken let's stick to the action, huh? Be a professional.
And it looks like there are some people out there in trouble, but not to worry, 'cause I think we've got one of our rescue workers out there and it looks like she's in trouble too.
Okay, this game is really getting sticky.
As they continue on through the course, it's getting harder and harder and right there with one final lunge it's Gayle Spicer back seat tester.
She takes the flag and the game for the autoworkers.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Hey I thought you were all winners, but let's hear from the people that didn't make it and are now part of our new parking lot.
[CHEERING.]
All right, hey, watch the suit, watch the suit everyone.
Just - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That new parking lot's gonna be sweet, you can park your new car there.
VIC ROMANO: Well my manservant can park there, I don't drive.
And speaking of horse-less carriages, let's go to Saddle Sores.
In lane number one it's faulty child seat.
Number two, Yo-yo Yogurt, Crank Gasket.
Screamin' Creamin', Linda's Lube job and in the sixth spot Violent Phlegm.
And the captain starts 'em off and here we go, we are under way.
And it's Crank Gasket.
And coming up on the outside it's number six it's Violent Phlegm, moving at a nice - - oh and she's down.
And there of course number four Screamin' Creamin', makin' her move - - and across the first second steeple, Crank Gasket, oh.
And Creamin' Screamin' is down, Gasket over and - - and there's Linda's Lube Job and Crank Gasket is gonna take it all alone.
Let's go back here Violent Phlegm.
Such a shame.
Don't worry Ken she'll be humanely destroyed.
And here is Crank Gasket coming across the finish line.
A great stride and takin' the tape for the autoworkers.
All right let's go to our second featured race of the day, there's Lay Lady Lay, Gelding the Lilly, Momma's on Top, Designated Mounter, Huffler Strikes Again and Papa's Got A Brand New Nag.
Thank you captain and they are off.
And it looks like Papa's Got a Brand new Nag taking off on the outside.
They all look pretty close don't they Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nose to nose.
VIC ROMANO: And there's number four, Designated Mounter [OVERLAP.]
- - oh down.
Unmounting herself, that puts Gilding the Lilly taking the lead.
But on the outside Papa's Got a Brand New Nag.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Come on Papa, [OVERLAP.]
Come on Papa.
VIC ROMANO: And Papa's Got a Brand New Nag hangs on to win.
And as he trots over to the winner's circle let's take another look at the spectacular death of Designated Mounter.
Ooh.
How about a reverse angle Ken? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah.
VIC ROMANO: Equally excruciating.
I tell you the competition doesn't get any better than this.
[SHOTS.]
Well while the captain does a little house cleaning we're gonna take a break.
ANNOUNCER: Hey maties, hang on tight, swish bucklers next on MXZ.
[ MUSIC .]
ANNOUNCER: MXZ continues as the autoworkers try to demolish the dairy workers.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: We're back, oh I gotta tell you Vick.
VIC ROMANO: Yes, Kenny? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I got my money on those dairy workers.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny, a professional commentator should always be impartial.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I know.
VIC ROMANO: And objective.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh I am, I never cross that line.
I just bet on 'em.
VIC ROMANO: Okay.
Now let's go down to Hardie Har' Harbor for a game of swish bucklers.
You know Ken the game is taken from an old pirate drinking game popular among alternate lifestyle pirates.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh yeah, the butt pirates of the Fire Island.
VIC ROMANO: They prefer the term buccaneer, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: They also were known as the pillage people.
VIC ROMANO: All right, Ken.
And there's Van Bidona, he's a milk flotsam skimmer and oh next swaying, good landing and oh - -.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: And he goes down.
VIC ROMANO: Hang on.
This game was very, very popular among the sassy seamen of the high seas.
The object was to swish across the open ocean on a ropy strand and forcibly board the barrel.
As it's clear, autoworker Leona Croft is having trouble doing right there.
And who do we have up next for the dairy workers? It's Jeff Piper.
He's a non-union cheese worker.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Nothing worse than a scab handling your cheese.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed.
Now, looks like he picked the wrong game [LAUGHTER.]
.
Ah here's Wayne Stateman, he's an after market chrome buffer Ken.
Here he goes a nice launch into a full 90 degree fisterton.
Oh and he misses.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: You know if they covered their one eye like a pirate they probably would be able to see that platform.
VIC ROMANO: Right you are Ken.
This game originally played by a bunch of one eyed, one legged, hook handed maniacs.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Ar.
VIC ROMANO: All right, and here's a replay of Sergio Fuentes, director of research and development at the Pastorini Institute of Cheddar.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: He's a real cheese whiz.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he is and he wins that one.
Ah and here is autoworker Stella Whiteman.
She's a quality control director for an upscale fuzzy dice manufacturer.
Oh.
And she rolled snake eyes on that one.
And this is Kurt Shehe for the dairy workers, he's a milk carton creaser.
Third generation milk carton creaser Ken.
As a matter of fact his great grandfather, Episcopal Shehe was one of the first egg craters.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Wow that's fascinating.
VIC ROMANO: Yes but it didn't help Kurt out here.
Next up is Bobbie Bloomberg, who you may remember was a 1999 strap on tool calendar girl.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah I've been to her web site.
VIC ROMANO: Oh and look what's going on here, she's on to a double split blackbeard carton into a mister mask.
And coming back for a premature manual release.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: I've seen that a million times but I've never heard it describe so well Vick.
VIC ROMANO: Oh, I started in telemarketing Ken.
Next up we still have no winners but it's Bernie Brodie, will he be the first? Oh, oh unbelievable.
Let's take a look at that again.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: That deserves the Taco Bell impact replay.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed it does.
Bernie, a butter substitute teacher from Valhalla.
[OVERLAP.]
Oh, good heavens.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Dude, crushed everything he owns.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed he has Ken.
And next up for the autoworkers, young Ralph Dripper.
He's an oil pan handler.
There's a good take off, ankles together.
Oh, and that could have been his undoing.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, a real swish buckler never let's his thighs tough.
VIC ROMANO: You're absolutely right there Ken.
And coming up last it's Milton Shanks.
He's a bull milker.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: What kind of cheese comes from that? VIC ROMANO: I don't know Ken but it doesn't belong in a bagel.
Oh and a nice landing he's holding on.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well he's known for his grip.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed, that's a durnsie grip Ken.
And he is hanging on, let's see if he can do it.
Can he? [HORN.]
Yes the justices have said he's held on long enough, let's take another look.
Here he is, Wilton Shanks.
I tell ya, after a rough day of bull pullin' to have the strength to come out here and compete like that Ken it's impressive.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah, it sure is.
VIC ROMANO: Well those dairy workers are really making a show of it.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yes we are, Vick.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny you're not supposed to take sides.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: No, I'm being impartial and objective.
I put 50 bucks on the autoworkers too.
I might win twice.
VIC ROMANO: You're an idiot.
ANNOUNCER: The teetering temple of crippling doom.
Next up on MXZ.
ANNOUNCER: MXZ is back.
The final battle between the autoworkers and the dairy workers is about to begin.
VIC ROMANO: And we're back.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yes we are.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny we are down to our final challenge and it happens to be one of my favorite [OVERLAP.]
games.
MALE: MXZ rules.
VIC ROMANO: Hey, I got it here buddy, okay? It is the teetering temple of crippling doom.
CAPTAIN TENNEAL: Get it on.
VIC ROMANO: And first up from the dairy folks, it's Steve Motlan.
He's a mad cow therapist and he's also lactose intolerant.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Ooh, I hope he can tolerate pain.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed let's take another look at that Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh, back breaker.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed it was.
Here is Loretta Salzano, she has an exhausting job working at a muffler division.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Eh, she started in tail pipes, worked her way up to the top.
VIC ROMANO: And on usual ended up on her back.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Don't they all.
VIC ROMANO: There we go and next up now, let's go to Tiffany Teal.
We had a chance to chat with her earlier about her chances.
TIFFANY: If you ask me, this game is so [BLEEP.]
ing easy.
Oh, did I say [BLEEP.]
? Ah [BEEP.]
.
VIC ROMANO: Well it doesn't seem like confidence is a problem.
But let's see how cocky she is, she ends up underneath under one of those two-ton titanium slabs Ken.
Well wait a minute.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She made it.
VIC ROMANO: She did indeed.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: She she's goin' back.
VIC ROMANO: Unbelievable.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: This game is [BLEEP.]
in' easy.
VIC ROMANO: Kenny.
Well she's coming back again.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Wow, she is [BLEEP.]
talented.
VIC ROMANO: No she's not Kenny, she's [BLEEP.]
lucky.
Sorry.
Next up Schwammer Ganoosh.
Ooh and he takes a spill, let's take another look at that.
A courtesy lounge attendant at a Detroit Lube and Rinse, you can see right there his mis-step.
Uh-oh.
And next up it's perky little Michelle Read, she's the regional director of the cream cheese counsel and chairperson of the national butter board.
Ooh.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Sounds like she's spreading herself thin.
VIC ROMANO: Indeed Ken.
And here's Wayne Longacre.
He's a prescription windshield crafter.
Let's see how he does.
Oh, not good, a head on collision with a hefty slab.
Here's our Taco Bell impact replay, and you can see he got into trouble right there, Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yeah look at his back foot, way too far extended.
VIC ROMANO: Let's go to Guy to find out what went wrong.
GUY LE DOUCHE: How do you think your daddy did, huh? SON: He totally blew it, that game's so [BLEEP.]
easy.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Ah, it is not easy, it's a hard game.
SON: I'm gonna play my other father.
GUY LE DOUCHE: Oh, your other father, you have two daddies right there? SON: Yeah he's just my fuckin' step dad.
VIC ROMANO: And Janet Jinkens, she works in the convertible division.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Oh I'd like to take her top down.
VIC ROMANO: Who wouldn't Ken? It looks like she took herself down there.
And here's Carol Lovelace, she's a string cheese braider.
There she goes.
It takes concentration for her job and she's brought it to this competition, look at that.
Unbelievable Ken, let's take another look at that.
Stepping gracefully atop the top of the tablets, not unlike the Incan sacrificial virgins who originated this game.
And right there Ken, snatches victory for the dairy workers and look at them celebrate.
What a fine competition Ken.
And what time is it now? KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Hmm, I'm thinkin' maybe the coolest part of the show.
VIC ROMANO: Well it is a popular segment.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Well I'm thinkin' it's the best segment.
VIC ROMANO: Just roll it Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: It's time for Kenny Blankenship's painful eliminations of the day.
Number ten, Finny Bedona doesn't have the grip for swashbucklers.
Number nine, Jimmy Dalmao, gasket flasher, he fought the door and the door one.
Violent Phlegm through escape had to be put down.
And here's young cheese whiz Sergio Fuentes, just spread him on a cracker.
Curd curdler Jerry Munster has a blood curdling impact.
Tail piper Ralph Dipper is catalytically converted to chum.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Ooh and there's my dirty little girl.
She's dirty.
VIC ROMANO: All right Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Designated Mounter goes down hard as now a jar of kindergarten art paste.
Lube and Rinser swarm above a Ganoosh, becomes part of the teetering temple of crippling death one vertebrae at a time.
And my most painful elimination of the day goes to stand out for the victorious dairy workers, butter man Bertie Brodie.
Oh, he churned his innards to cottage cheese with this sternum-crushing attempt.
Ouch.
Yeah.
I need a towel.
VIC ROMANO: I think that says it all Ken.
KENNY BLANKENSHIP: Yep.
And what do we always say? GROUP: Don't get eliminated.