Murderville (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

1 [narrator.]
Meet Terry Seattle, Homicide Division.
For Terry, every day means a new murder case, and a new celebrity guest star as his partner.
Today's guest: film and television star Kumail Najiani.
But here's the catch.
Kumail isn't being given a script.
He has no idea what's about to happen.
Together, he and Terry will have to improvise their way through the case.
But it'll be up to Kumail alone to name the killer.
So join them as they punch a one-way ticket to Murderville.
[Terry.]
Here in the big city, when the sun goes down, the freaks come out.
And I was ready to get my freak on because tonight I was working the night shift.
[Rhonda.]
Terry? What are you still doing here? Well, I signed up for a double, Chief.
Figure it's gonna be a slow one so I might go over the old evidence from Lori's murder.
Wait, isn't your high school reunion tonight? Did you take this shift so you wouldn't have to go? I can't show my face there.
People expected big things for me, Rhonda.
What am I going to tell them? That I ended up a mediocre detective with a dead partner and a failed marriage and the all-time high score from Ms.
Pacman.
That's only one thing to be proud of.
Well, if you're working, then you're working with your new partner.
No, Chief.
Come on.
Not again.
Chief! - [Rhonda.]
Okay.
Come on.
- Hi.
Hi.
Kumail, this is Senior Detective Terry Seattle.
Terry, this is your new partner.
Kumail Nanjiani.
Nice to meet you, Terry.
Look at this.
Handshake right off the bat.
I bet this is some kind of hotshot sent from the brass from downtown.
Am I right? - Yeah.
I did pretty well in school.
- Yeah.
[Rhonda.]
Listen, I'm off the clock.
Do me a favor and don't screw up anything while I'm gone.
Why are you all dressed up anyway? You going to one of those weird night funerals? Actually, I have a date.
Is it okay that I told you that? Uh, no.
We're getting a divorce, Terry.
You want me to never go on another date for the rest of my life? Yeah, there, you got it.
I want you to end up unhappy and alone just like me.
- Oh, no, here we go.
- Here we go.
That's right, I'm the bad guy for not being as sad as you.
I was sad, Terry.
[Rhonda.]
You barely touched me for eight years, and I'm supposed to sit at home with my hands folded? [Rhonda.]
Absolutely not.
I work hard.
I need to be touched.
Not to put you on the spot, but which one of us is right? You said you hadn't had sex for eight years? Exactly, hasn't even touched me.
What's your definition of sex? Sex.
You'll have to make these kind of snap decisions out there in the field.
Come on.
- She's right.
- Thank you.
What? Just based on the cadence of the argument.
Stop using words that I am not familiar with.
Whatever.
My Uber is going to be here in 17 minutes.
I better wait outside.
I hope you have a terrible date.
Which word did you not know? Codence.
What did you say? I said cadence.
- Why don't you pop a seat here? - Yeah.
Kumail, what makes you think you got what it takes to hack it as a homicide detective? First of all, I'm very excited about this opportunity.
Thank you for having me.
I just am very observant.
I'm very good at reading people.
How many fingers am I holding beneath the desk right now? I don't think it takes a good detect You said you're observant.
Yeah, but I can't literally I literally cannot observe that.
I've got one hand.
So you know it's at most 5.
Is your middle finger out? Not with intent or malice.
But it is out.
I don't know.
How many fingers? I'm gonna go three.
It was three.
- I'm not surprised because - Yeah.
It was three.
You work out? I do.
Yeah, I do too.
So let's not make this a thing.
Yeah.
No.
You brought it up, sir.
And I'm not just strong in the body.
I'm also as strong in the I'm also brain strong, and that's a technical term.
Yeah.
I brought up the mental toughness because it's important to have that brain strength.
Yes, sir.
There's one thing you need to know.
This partner is never going to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs on you, but I need to know that I can count on you, Kumail.
I need to know that when the doo-doo goes sideways, when we are deep in the dog dirt, that your coconut's not going to just crack open and leak all over my goddamn shoes.
Do you think it will? I don't think it will.
You don't think it will? No.
It won't.
We need to be sure, and that is why I need you to take a psychopath test.
Psychopath test? That's right.
Psychopath test, question one.
Are you a psychopath? No.
That's actually not part of the test.
I just ask that because if you said yes then I wouldn't bother.
You'd save time? Have you ever experienced remorse, shame, or guilt? Yes.
Which one most? Shame.
Shame, and why? Be specific from your life.
I mean, it's happened so many times.
The thing that fills you with the most daily shame that you can barely look at yourself in the mirror.
I don't feel comfortable saying that to you.
Middle shame.
[chuckles.]
To low quality shame.
Well, okay, I'll be honest.
I've been in too many car accidents in my life, and all of them have been my fault.
All of them have been your fault.
Any legal issues, like lawsuits? No.
No lawsuits, but, you know, like I just had to get new insurance and they were like, "It says there was an accident.
" "What was it?" And I had to figure out what the last one was.
You'd forgotten? Yeah, 'cause I described it to them and they were like that wasn't it.
And I was like, oh, that was two accidents ago.
Are you able to form meaningful relationships with others, Kumail? Yes.
Do you believe that other people are worthy of your love? Depends on the people.
Do you think I'm worthy of your love? I just met you.
Blank slate.
Close your eyes.
When you open your eyes, when I say 3, you're going to tell me whether I seem like a lovable person.
Not until I say 3.
1, 2, 3.
[chuckles.]
Yeah, you seem very lovable.
- I seem lovable, right? - Yeah.
You are doing great.
Good thing.
My Uber canceled.
There's been a murder.
[gasps.]
You're supposed to gasp.
[gasps.]
Weird gasp.
[laughs.]
Yeah, do that gasp again.
- Yeah, very weird.
- Was that better? How would you do it? Like a asthmatic.
Okay.
- There's been a murder.
- [long gasp.]
More fear in the eyes.
Been a murder! You're hearing the news about the murder, but you're also kind of happy about it.
There's been a murder.
Great.
- Seth Gourley - [gasps.]
- No, no.
We're finished with that.
- Okay.
Sorry.
Seth Gourley, tech billionaire and CEO of the website Faceplace, was found dead at City Public High School's 30-year reunion.
Wait, that's my reunion.
Now I got a reason to be there.
- [Rhonda.]
Yeah.
- Hell, yeah.
You two better not mess this up like Terry messed up all of high school.
According to you.
Well, you don't need to throw it [Terry.]
That's fair play.
So did you go to school with this guy? Wow.
I wonder if Lisa Capobianco is gonna be there.
We were high school lovers.
Pretty hot and heavy for a couple people who never actually spoke.
In what sense were you lovers? [Terry.]
Ah, there she is.
Do you have a high school lover? I dated someone in high school, but we did speak so that's a different type of relationship.
Sounds kind of nerdy if you guys were talking to each other.
We did more than just talk.
Did you share some laughs about some high school things? "Look at the grass.
When the wind" [mocks.]
- We did share - "Let me write a poem about you.
" "Oh, to talk to you and to laugh about words.
" Am I right? No, I never did that.
Missed opportunity.
What's the name of that high school crush of yours by the way? I don't want to reveal that right now.
Say their name.
[chuckles.]
I'm not going to.
Can you rhyme the name? I'm not going to.
- Okay, you're going to open up to me.
- I feel like we're on the cusp - You're going to open up to me eventually.
- I don't want All right.
Let's go solve a murder.
Really jumpy.
[Terry.]
We headed over to the high school to find the reunion in full swing.
It was good to see all the vaguely familiar faces of people I'd forgotten ever existed, but there was no time for chitchat.
We had a dead body to stare at and walk around.
Ah Look at this.
It's study hall room.
I spent a lot of time in here.
- Studied a lot? - Kidding, obviously.
No, study hall was for losers who wanted to have secure jobs and successful lives.
[chuckles.]
[Terry clears throat.]
Hey, Terr-bear.
Ooh, nice shirt.
What is that? Polyester? - It's dacron, actually.
- [Amber.]
Okay.
The stuff they use to make couch cushions.
Amber Kang, forensics, this is Kumail.
Kumail, Amber Kang.
My first day.
What do we got here? Ah, yes.
Seth Gourley, former dweeb turned billionaire tech oligarch, creator of your mother's favorite social networking site, Faceplace.
Cause of death is a vintage America Logged On CD-ROM, buried like a throwing star in his carotid artery.
Someone flung it at a high velocity.
Right.
Go ahead.
Tell me what do you see, Kumail? His hands and feet are bound with rope.
Excellent knots, too.
Not your average shoelace bunny ears.
Does he seem like he and I could be the same year because he seems a lot older.
I would say the same age.
I would say Well, hang on a second, I'm asking the homicide - You would say? - Obviously so.
Could you make that face so we could tell? Easily.
[Kumail chuckles.]
[Amber.]
He looks younger.
- He looks younger.
- [Amber.]
He looks younger.
That's a bunch of BS.
I honestly, when you closed your eyes and did that, I couldn't tell which one was dead.
Let me ask you something, Kumail.
If you're such a smarty pants, did you check his mouth? Check his mouth? You didn't check the mouth? Is there anything in there? Oh.
There is.
There seems to [laughs.]
- This - [Terry.]
What is it? Looks like the murderer did not like him.
You just learned a very valuable lesson.
The number one thing you always do is check the mouth for murder notes.
[Terry.]
Our first suspect was Kevin Rivera, Seth's childhood friend and former business partner.
They'd had a falling out right around the time Seth got spaceship rich off Faceplace.
Hard to believe this guy got taken advantage of.
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
" Eagle Scout [chuckles.]
Virgins by Choice Club Treasurer, voted second most likely to succeed.
I wonder who was voted most likely to succeed.
The person who came in first.
That's a fair assumption.
The Virgins by Choice.
Who would choose to be a virgin? I mean, think about it, when you're that age, you want to go on dates.
You went on a bunch with your girlfriend And her name is, forgive me, is escaping me.
No, I'm never going to tell you her name.
Let's go find Kevin Rivera.
[clears throat.]
Kevin, Terry Seattle Class of '91, technically graduated in '92, but now I'm a Senior Detective.
Kevin Rivera.
- Kevin.
Kevin.
- Kevin.
Shout.
- Kevin.
- Kevin.
- Kevin Rivera.
- Shout as loud as you can.
Kevin! Jump up and down.
Jumping up and down makes - Makes yourself big.
Make yourself big.
- What would that do? Kevin! - Kevin! Go tap him on the - Kevin? Tap him on the shoulder or something.
[screams.]
Okay, I'm sorry.
I get really absorbed when I'm coding Sorry, we said your name really loud many times.
I just needed a getaway.
Hide out for a little bit.
You code to relax? - Hey, wait a minute, I know you.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you were the kid who's always fainting and passing out for no reason.
Well, I mean, yes.
No, I would every once in a while, occasionally I fainted from just a very light social anxiety.
It was not a big deal.
No, I remember it being a really big deal.
Kumail, you want to Let's just get into You got anything you want to ask Kevin Rivera? Yeah, is it okay if we ask you a couple questions about the death of your partner? Could you describe your relationship with the victim? Yeah.
Well, Seth and I were best friends from pre-school all the way through college.
We would spend a lot of time in here, you know, just coming up with like really cool stuff.
We came up with this website that would rank all the girls in school.
Rank them in terms of what? You know, if they're nice or pretty or their hair Okay, you can't do that.
And like, we also would do one ranking their boobs.
- It's getting worse.
- [Kevin.]
Okay.
Each category makes it worse.
We would rank the individual boob, so it was, you know, one was nicer than the other kind of a thing.
Yeah, less of a set.
I think that's okay.
I think you can do that now.
I don't think you could ever do that.
So, how did it go? How did it end with you and Well, it was fine until Seth took my big idea and he used it to start Faceplace.
Why didn't you sue him? Well, to be honest the The big idea was start a company.
Oh.
That was the entirety of the idea? He's a billionaire and I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome.
So how did that make you feel when he stole your big idea, i.
e.
start a business.
Vulnerable and used.
And did those feelings of hurt turn into anger? Yeah.
Violent rage.
Violent rage.
- What do you do now? - Tons of worry.
Well, I'm an app developer.
I develop apps.
What kind of apps are we talking? Seth thought of me as just like a code monkey, but I have really good ideas.
I mean, you mean better than rank boobs individually? You want to hear? It's a meditation app.
Oh, that's great.
That's great because there aren't enough meditation apps on the market.
This one's different.
This one's called ShushHead.
It helps you get rid of all the intrusive thoughts that you have in your head when you're trying to meditate.
That's the hardest part of meditation, you know? Right.
I'm just like, I'm meditating, and does my mom love me? Now, the thoughts are - And then it's like that self-doubt.
- Like that little voice.
I'm that voice that's like you're in Kumail, you're not good enough.
No, that was terrible.
That's not what Kumail, what are you doing? You're so stupid.
- That's not what happens.
- Nobody's ever been this stupid before.
That's not my inner voice.
Make it sound more Pakistani, but don't be racist, but do an impression of a Pakistani guy.
- Okay.
- But don't be racist.
- Good luck.
- Okay.
Okay.
Here we go.
You ready? Yeah.
[in British accent.]
Hello, I'm originally from Pakistan, but moved to London when I was three.
Bravo.
Bravo.
I didn't like that he moved to London.
It's still in beta, but I'm willing to show you.
We'd love to take a look at your new Why don't you have a seat here? Remember, it's in beta, but it really does work.
[Kevin.]
Okay, just relax and follow the guided meditation.
[relaxing music.]
Shut up brain.
Shut the hell up.
Stop it.
Stop that thought.
Stop.
Just freaking meditate.
Harder! Relax harder! Why can't you do one simple thing? You're useless! No wonder everyone secretly hates you.
You deserve to be unhappy.
Right What do you think? Honest opinion.
Yeah, it doesn't matter what I think.
- Be as honest as you possibly can.
- I'm not a mediation expert.
- Why would you You don't need to - Well, you seem like you're very relaxed.
- I think it's awful.
It sucks.
- [Terry.]
Jesus, Kumail.
- Why don't you just get out? - Let's just get out.
- Just get out of here.
Get out of here! - We're gonna get out of here.
- Get out of here! - We're gonna go.
Look, we're leaving.
[Terry.]
Let's go.
Come on.
Get out of here! Do you see what he's doing? That's the murder weapon.
[Terry.]
Okay.
Don't take one of those to the head.
[Terry.]
Next on our most likely to commit murder list was none other than Brad Torker, king of the jocks.
Apparently, he was seen talking with Seth not long before he was found dead.
This guy was a real piece of work in high school.
Varsity football QB, president intramural Fight Club.
"No fatties except summers and weekends.
" - Makes sense.
- Why does it make sense? Because the weekends are kind of like short summers.
You're gonna have to pose as a former classmate otherwise he won't talk to you.
Okay? Oh - Can you do that? - Yeah.
All right.
So your undercover name is Cornelius Weinerbottom.
Got it? Um Does it have to be that? What's your name? - Okay, can we - What's your name? - I'm Brad.
What's your name? - Is it negotiable? Say your name to me real quick.
Cornelius Weinerbottom.
All right.
What about a cool walk? Can you do a cool walk? Show me how you could do a cool walk.
Let's see.
He's going to be watching.
Do a cool walk.
- Why don't you - One, two, three.
Hey, Cornelius, show me how you walk cool.
Yeah, he's cool.
Walk it out.
Stop.
Freeze, don't move a muscle.
While you're walking, pretend that your wrists, you have rubber bands attached to the ground so they're kind of pulling you.
You know, like a rubber band as you walk.
That's what cool, yeah.
And go.
Continue.
Rubber band.
Rubber band.
There we go.
Rubber band.
My man's got a rubber band and stop.
Back towards me.
There we go.
The rubber bands.
Rubber bands.
I don't care.
Forward.
I don't care.
Do it.
The whole thing.
And your head is being pushed down to one side, being held by like cement.
One side.
And bounce, rubber bands, hands, knees.
I don't care.
Go.
- Whatever.
- Come back.
Everything backwards.
Care? I don't.
- Say it.
- Care [chuckles.]
- You got to say it.
What? - Care don't I.
- Okay, say it again care.
- Care don't I.
[sighs.]
- Being cool is a lot of effort.
- Well, we're screwed.
We are screwed.
Rubber band between the knees.
Rubber band.
Yo, yo, yo, Brad, it's your boy, Terry.
Terry Seattle.
Who? Senior Detective Terry Seattle, class of '91.
We had metal shop together.
Oh, yeah, you're the kid that was always fainting and then farting after you fainted while he was unconscious.
Oh.
No, I don't Yeah, we had a name for it.
We called it "farnting.
" You're Terry, Terry Farnter.
I actually don't even remember that.
That seems improbable to me.
Well, you wouldn't remember it because you were fainted before it, right? Are you here because of the murder thing or What? No.
We're just Look how cool.
Tell him your name and show him your cool walk.
Sup, it's Cornelius Weinerbottom.
Weinerbottom.
Wait until you see Show him how you walk.
- No, I don't need to do it.
- He needs to see it.
- Walk to that.
Watch him walk to this.
- He saw me walk in.
I haven't seen him walk once.
You have to walk.
You're gonna blow it.
You're about to blow our cover.
Don't blow our cover.
I'm just going to check out back here, see what's going on.
Wait till you see What? [whistles.]
What's your name? Sup? Cornelius Weinerbottom.
I mean, you're cool, but I don't remember you.
No, man.
We went to school together, remember? Yeah? What home room were you in? Four.
That's what home room I was in.
Yeah.
You don't remember? We did the We're going to sing the school fight song together.
- Okay? - He was kidding around.
- One, two, three.
- You don't really need to Oh, let's go Ramblers Up the hill and down the hill And up the hill and sideways To the tree Where the apples don't grow Let's go, Ramblers Up the hill and up the hill again To victory we will eventually go Guess you did go here, huh? Yeah.
Just like I remember it.
And what a year it was, huh? A lot of amazing memories in this locker room right here.
Yeah, man, me too.
Oh.
Found some of my old graffiti right over here on this locker.
Look at that.
Brad, what happened between you and Seth tonight, dude? Oh, it's so embarrassing.
I don't even want to talk about it.
Oh, you don't have to be embar We're cool.
- No, dude.
We're just hanging out.
- It's me and my boy.
- What's your name? - It's me, Cornelius.
Alls I did was tell him that I thought what he did to me in high school wasn't right.
It was the Hey, listen.
I was a star athlete, right? - Of course.
Right.
- Okay? Every sport.
Football, basketball, water polo, Marco Polo, ultimate frisbee, penultimate frisbee, fencing, bullying, screaming, baseball, but football? Oh Football was my thing.
I remember, he was It was my destiny to play professional football in Canada, but you gotta take the SATs, and I'm not big into remembering things.
So I paid Seth to take 'em for me.
Day of the test, that dill weed didn't even show up.
Oh, what a dill weed move.
If that happened to me I would kill him.
[Terry.]
Yeah.
So what happened after? What do you think happened? I had to take it myself.
I got a minus forty for "hate speech".
Minus forty.
Many, many wrong answers.
My dreams of playing professional football in Canada were over before they began.
I spend most of my weekends getting drunk on my houseboat.
Do you have a boat? You boat? You ever? I got three boats.
Do you? What kind? Schooner, fishing - [Terry.]
No, yeah.
- Fishing, yeah.
Uh Sea-doo.
- A sea-doo.
Well, it's not really - Well, that's not really a boat.
That's a personal watercraft.
[laughs.]
Actual Sea-Doo brand? Or is it a different? It's a generic Sea-Doo knock off.
But you have a houseboat.
Well, that's what I call it so.
Is it a houseboat? Well, I mean I live on it.
So yeah, it's like a house.
Is it a houseboat? I live on a rowboat.
[Terry.]
It's cool.
We're going to cool walk out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good to catch up.
- [Kumail.]
Dude, really miss you.
- [Terry.]
Cool walking.
- Later.
- [Terry.]
There he is.
[exhales.]
That is a cool walk.
[Terry.]
The investigation was going well, but it was about to take a very unexpected and very romantic turn.
[Terry.]
Lisa Capobianco.
Oh, that's the girl you never talked to.
We had the thing.
The unspoken bond with.
Seems like it was very unspoken.
Wow, I mean, that's Where is she? Oh, Lisa Capobianco.
Varsity cheer squad.
All state disc golf.
Voted best face.
You should see some of the stuff she wrote in my yearbook there.
You said that she never She wrote a bunch of stuff in the yearbook that was pretty Good luck.
That's it? Did she run out of ink? Well, wishing me luck.
She wanted me to have luck and not just It's seems like a generic thing.
She's not the only one.
You feeling okay, buddy? You know what we're gonna do? What are we gonna do? We're gonna do We're gonna treat her like a suspect.
Just till we can find out whether she's single or not.
I want you to take the lead so that I can be kind of cool, like a good cop, bad cop.
It's really important.
I need you to be rude and unattractive.
So I need you to do like an ugly walk.
Okay? I need you to walk as ugly as possible.
Like the ugliest, dirt walk, like just like a like you never walked before.
How would that help you? Because it's going to make me look good.
Okay.
Okay, and then Who's good cop, bad cop? And then I'm good cop.
You're stupid cop.
Let me see your stupid face.
Stupider.
Freeze the face and walk.
Keep the face.
Ugly walk.
There you go, and I'm going to go cool.
Perfect.
And you have a signature sound.
[laughs.]
What's your signature sound? [silly sounds.]
[silly sounds.]
- Hi.
- Excuse me.
Hi.
Sorry to bother you, Mrs No, Ms.
Ms.
Capobianco.
Yes! Senior Detective Terry Seattle, and this is very junior with a super ugly walk and a weird signature sound.
I don't know.
Putting it all on the line is like, just being free, there's something really hot about that.
You like the walk? Yeah.
We're here to ask about the murder.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I'll talk to a detective.
Sure.
I mean Did you guys figure out who did it yet? We just have a couple of dumb questions.
Wait a second.
Oh, here we go.
I know you.
You're Yes, Terry.
Terry.
Oh, my God.
You're Terry Farnter.
No, no, no, no, no.
Does everybody know about that? Oh, my God, he used to faint and fart at the same time.
It was hilarious and also really sad.
Listen, nobody really remembers that.
No, everybody remembers that.
Everybody we've talked to has so far remembered that.
We had a vibe.
You and I had a vibe.
- Don't you remember? - Did we? There was a whole like will they, won't they thing Seems like more like won't they, won't they.
The only thing I remember about you is like the principal wrestling that helmet on your head, and you like for fighting him off and saying, "Don't make me wear it.
Please, Mr.
Madison.
" "I promise I won't fart no more.
" And then he was saying, "You have to wear it because you know you can't control it, Terry.
"You have to wear it for insurance.
" And then you farnted so hard you crapped your pants.
- Oh, my God, you sharnted.
- Yeah.
That was at the senior prom I think.
Hard to forget something like that.
I don't know how you forgot.
So you guys had questions for me? Yeah.
Can we ask you a couple questions? You can ask me anything.
Anything you want.
Can you describe your relationship with the victim, Seth? With Seth.
Well, we dated for years.
What? No, she didn't know What? Yeah, we used to hook up right over there.
Stairwell seven.
Wait, you guys dated? - Yeah.
We were high school sweethearts.
- [Terry.]
What? I mean, I know you didn't have a high school sweetheart.
Did you have a high school sweetheart? Yeah, I did.
What was her name? I don't feel comfortable.
Let me guess.
I'm really good at this.
[Terry.]
Guess.
Marmol.
That's shockingly close.
You dated Seth in high school.
And then we were together like all through college.
- [Kumail.]
Really? You didn't know? - Yeah, but then he dumped me.
Wait, he dumped you? He dumped me when Faceplace blew up.
How did that make you feel? Like crap.
Like a piece of garbage.
He created Faceplace, became very successful, what do you do now? Yeah.
I was a journalist, but then that whole industry tanked because of Faceplace.
So yeah, basically Seth ruined my life.
Can you just give us one second? Listen, you're asking all these hard-nosed questions, you're being a total dick about this.
Well, what do you want me to do? I thought I was trying to solve a murder.
Just find out if she's single.
Find out more about what she does now, okay? Okay.
Hey, there.
- [Terry.]
We're back.
- Hi.
You're back.
So yeah, what do you do now that you're not a journalist? I get paid 50 bucks a day to write negative comments on YouTube videos, - but it's flexible hours.
- Okay.
I get to drink while I work which was a big problem at my last job.
[Terry.]
Which was? I was a bus driver.
You're a detective now? - [Terry.]
Yeah.
- Here working on this murder? - Yeah.
- Wow.
- That's something, right? - So [mumbles.]
Shut up.
- You know what? - What? - I'm feeling crazy.
- Are you? Do you want to meet me over in stairwell seven and like, TB? What's TB? Touch boob.
And remember as a champion disc golfer, I have really strong wrists.
- Oh, yeah.
One second.
One second.
- Yeah.
Listen, I'm really torn.
What do we do? What are the ethics of like getting, you know Hooking up with a murder suspect? I don't know what the rules are right now.
I'm still married to the chief, and so she's on a date with somebody else and so all the rules are out the window, and I feel like I want to go for it.
Why not? - This is unethical.
- We're talking about Lisa Capobianco.
And when it's Lisa Capobianco you just go for it, okay? So that's what I'm gonna do.
Lisa, I'm Lisa! Lisa! I'll never forgive you for this.
You did this to me.
[panting.]
[Terry.]
My hot and cold love affair with Lisa would have to wait.
It was time for Kumail to decide who he believed had murdered Seth Gourley.
[clears throat.]
Hello.
I speak to you tonight, not as your extremely successful former classmate, but as a senior detective in the city's homicide unit.
Somebody was murdered and one of these three suspects is the killer.
Now Kumail, I want you to take this crown and put it on the head of the person you think killed Seth Gourley.
Was it Kevin Rivera, Lisa Capobianco, or Brad Torker? It is time for you to crown the king or queen of murder.
The killer of Seth Gourley is Brad Torker! [Terry.]
Oh, Torker.
What's going on here? Chief, Kumail cracked the case.
Wait, you're on a date with Daz? Not now, Terry.
We were going to tell you, just wanted to see if this is real first.
Well, is it? I mean, you're wearing matching bibs.
It seems very real.
It seems like they're getting along.
Kumail, what makes you think that Brad Torker killed Seth Gourley? Well, he had motive because he didn't help him cheat on his SAT.
He was a football player, so he was good at throwing, which is what the murder weapon was.
It was thrown.
We'd established early on that the murderer was a good thrower, and he's got a boat.
A rowboat.
So he's good at tying knots, which is a skill he used to tie down Seth Gourley before killing him.
Well, I am shocked, though not surprised to say that you are 100 percent correct.
Yes! It was Brad Torker.
I knew it.
You obviously realized that as a boat owner I live on a rowboat.
[Rhonda.]
Brad would have been an expert in knot tying, and he definitely could have thrown the CD.
By his own admission, he was an elite Ultimate Frisbee player.
Ultimate frisbee, penultimate frisbee.
It couldn't have been Kevin.
His carpal tunnel left him unable to throw the disc with any velocity, and even though Lisa was an accomplished disc golfer, she wrote in cursive, but the murder note was in all caps, matching Brad's high school graffiti exactly.
I followed all that and had clocked it, and I knew all that stuff.
Kumail, congratulations.
You know, you did a great job, and I got to say, I'm really happy that I got to come back here tonight because I got to see that I'm not that same kid who went to high school here, and Lisa, will you go on a date with me? Apparently, I can now.
I literally don't know who you are.
Did you just ask another woman out in front of me? You literally went on a date with Daz tonight.
Yes.
I'm on a date with Daz, and I liked it, and I like him, and you know what we're going to do? We're going to go back to my house, which used to be your house and I'm going to let him TB.
- Touch boobs.
- Touch boob.
Oh Oh, no.
It's happening again.
Oh [thud.]
[farts.]
Hey, Terry Farnter made it.
[Terry.]
On the next episode of Murderville Terry, meet your new partner, Annie Murphy.
I'm ready to solve a crime! Let's go! - You got your voice? - [grunts.]
[Terry.]
God, I can't believe it's gonna end like this.