Nowhere Boys (2013) s01e03 Episode Script

He's such an airhead.
And his girlfriend, so far up herself.
- It's our anniversary.
- It's awesome, babe.
Thank you.
You wanna win so much, there's a short cut.
He's slipping! - Mum, Dad.
- You've got me confused, mate.
My Mum's got a whole new life.
Oscar can walk but my family can't remember me.
Whatever's going on happened to all of us.
Every gang needs a hideout.
Season 1, Episode 3 - What's that? - Nothing.
It's for a friend.
Friend, huh? Anyone I'd know? Maybe.
He must be pretty cool, then, seeing as you're carving his initials and stuff.
Well, he thinks he is, but he's not really.
I bet he's the coolest.
That's more like it.
It'll always be there.
- What are you doing? - Reckon I could skate us back to shore? Hey.
Come on.
What are you doing? Hey.
Hey.
Stop.
Only two days out of date and a little bit of mould.
Brilliant.
These will go well with the five-day-old custard.
Oh, yeah - Come on.
I'll boost you.
- Sorry, I'm germ-phobic.
Then consider this therapy.
Come on.
What would Bear Grylls do? Oh, I can feel the bacteria attacking.
All 10 million types.
Right.
Out.
Before I hit you mob for six.
That's my Dad.
Come on, sink or swim, bro.
I said out.
Mm.
Stale chips.
Not bad.
I'm not hungry.
It has a distinct aroma with a certain intense rubbishness.
Full of surprises.
Mould.
Grainy sugar.
And a hint of cigarette butt.
That explains it.
I'm giving it a 3 out of 10.
- Almost inedible.
2 out of 10.
- Big fat zero.
My Mum makes these.
We'll work this out.
I know it.
How do you solve a problem you can't even understand? What's that book you're always looking at? My diary.
I'm thinking about writing a bestseller.
About us.
Four boys that no one can remember.
- Have you worked out the ending? - Not yet.
It's a lot more than people just forgetting us.
It's like we don't even exist.
- Irrational.
We exist.
- Yeah? Prove it.
- Geez.
- There's your proof.
I mean, real evidence, Jake.
Records.
This is great.
You know what? That might actually be a good idea.
- Wow.
Thanks.
- School's enrolment records.
You want to go to school? Really? It's Saturday.
I know.
Perfect, isn't it? How can going to school on a weekend be perfect? We gather the required information and remain completely undetected.
Sam.
Sam.
The freak and the nerd want to go to school.
- To check our names in the records.
- You coming? - There's proof in that boat over there.
- What? - I'll catch up, OK? - OK.
The school.
See you there.
Guys, wait up.
It's still here.
I've got proof.
Wait.
Wait, guys.
I so exist.
In Year 8 I landed a month of Saturday detention and apart from 101 ways to clean graffiti off desks I did manage to pick up something.
Watch and learn, amateurs.
- So, you don't know the code.
- I know what it sounds like.
Unbelievable.
Sometimes my genius is a curse.
The mission is "Do we exist".
Agreed? I'll examine the school records.
I'll check the photos outside the gym.
- I don't know.
Library.
Year books.
- The library's closed.
Did you not just witness the extent of my powers? Who you waiting for? A friend.
A friend, huh.
Anyone I'd know? Um, no.
Not the beastly dude you've been hanging around with the past year? What are you talking about? Look, can we stop playing around now? - I'm not playing.
- Yes, you are.
- Look, is this, like, a thing? - "A thing"? Yeah, like, you walk into people's front yards and act all nutso.
I'm not acting nutso.
OK.
Sorry.
This is really weird and I have this design to finish so it was really nice meeting you, I guess, but I'm busy.
- You really don't know who I am.
- I've never seen you before.
Does this look familiar? Please.
Look.
It's the same.
But I made that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you a present, if I could do it again Sorry I'm late.
Last night my sister had this genius idea of putting fungal cream on her zits and now they're massive and infected, almost like leprosy.
So this morning she was in the bathroom covering them with bandaids and crying.
What are you doing here? - Who are you? Who is he? - I don't know.
Can we just go? Mia, wait.
Mia.
You'd think they'd want their students to learn.
The shrine to Jake Riles, super athlete.
Hey, Ellen.
Nice costume.
You going undercover as boring.
Two idiots in one day? It's like the Bremin Moron Convention.
We really don't exist.
But what does that mean? There's no trace of us here.
So, we're nothing.
- Jake, don't.
- What does it matter? If we don't exist, how can we get caught? I guess.
So, then, if we don't exist, we don't have to follow any boring rules.
There are no punishments.
We can do anything we want.
Oops, sorry, Jake.
Huh! Nice.
We confirmed that we no longer exist.
Then we took the next logical step - temporary madness.
Go nuts, Sam.
It will make you feel better.
No-one can catch you.
It's actually surprising how much that lessens the attraction.
Of course we exist.
Okay, after you guys left this morning, I found a carving that Mia and I did a month ago.
- It's still there.
- Exactly the same.
My initials.
Maybe someone's deliberately tried to erase our existences.
Like, identity theft.
Why would anyone try to steal your identity? They haven't managed to erase everything.
- Have you seen Mia? - Yeah, yeah.
I showed her this.
She acted as if she didn't even know me.
She knew me.
I could see it in her eyes.
It's like when you can't remember a word and it's on the tip of your tongue.
You know, I just need to get through to her somehow.
Then you've got to take her to the carving.
She thinks I'm a psycho.
Then take it to her.
What, you want me to carry a boat to her house? No.
Idiot.
A photo.
- We could use the cameras on our phones.
- Negative.
They're all dead.
Well, my brother's got a digital camera.
And when all of this is proved to be completely pointless, we need food, blankets.
- Deodorant for you, in particular.
- We ate rubbish, remember? My Dad's an outdoors nut.
We've got heaps of spare camping gear.
You name it, we got it.
I can grab my brother's camera while I'm there.
Now, who's in? - Me.
- Me.
Fine, but Andy's coming with me to get food.
That's not fair.
Why can't Jake? Doesn't your grandma own the local Chinese restaurant? Oh, yeah.
- Still not fair.
- Come on! Lucky we don't exist.
Sweet.
That's the new stuff.
The old stuff's over here.
How old were you when you last used this? I was six, OK? What are you doing? Watch and behold.
My super power.
Two serves of 22, extra spicy.
Yep.
Four 63s, a 54, and a 37.
Yep.
Delivered to 144 Acacia Court.
Yes, in cash.
- Get some lemon chicken.
- That's not even real Chinese.
No, that's all, thanks.
Now we wait.
All hail King Vince.
Sorry, Pete, must be hard coming second.
For your whole life.
Oh, dude, that is rank, man.
Ah, time out.
I'm grabbing a juice.
- Vince.
- What? Make me an egg sandwich, or some baked beans.
That is toxic, man.
Hey.
Cheat.
Oh.
I was supposed to be at cricket Boofhead, can you give me a lift? Do I have to drive you everywhere? Got it.
Got it.
The ninja would observe their target for weeks, in intimate knowledge of their daily habits.
The home delivery guy.
Here he comes.
Our subject has a crush on the newsagent.
Every afternoon, he sneaks her over a little package of xiaolongbao.
Love dumplings.
Ninja.
- What now? - Decoy's an essential element.
Master.
Apprentice.
Clear enough? Kick a goal, mate.
For all of us.
OK.
So it's all designed, online, and ready to go.
Awesome.
Oh, no.
Hey.
Look, we're kind of having a meeting right now.
I've just got something to show you.
Look, the red boat.
The carving.
- We did this.
Can you remember? - Awkward.
- Yeah.
Of course I remember the carving.
- I knew it.
But I didn't do that with you.
I was with my boyfriend.
Sammy.
Sammy? Who are you? That's my board.
Are you that nut job who came to my house yesterday? - What, your house? - Yeah.
My brothers told me about you.
And what are you doing talking to my girlfriend? - Give me my board.
Hack.
- It's mine.
Hand over my board and leave us alone, stalker.
Just stop it guys.
This is so stupid.
Hey.
My board! Run, stalker.
So cute.
Yet so mental.
Shame.
Come on, guys.
Oh.
Sorry, you frightened the life out of me.
- Are you looking for Sammy? - Who is he? - What, love? - That other boy.
Why is he in our house and why is he trying to be me? - Oh, sorry.
- Are you OK, Mum? Sweetie, I'm not your mum.
I'm your son.
You're not.
Mum.
Mum.
Are you OK? Please, just listen to me.
Every birthday you make us cheesecake.
The same your mum used to make for you when you were a kid.
What? And when you were my age, you lived at the beach.
- You were a junior surf champ.
- How do you know this? That's why I started skating.
So I could be just like you.
I don't know who you've been talking to.
I miss you, Mum.
Please, just remember me.
I think you've made a mistake.
Mum! Mum.
Mum! Police, fire or ambulance? Please state the nature of your emergency.
- Mum.
Mum.
- Hello? Hello.
Please state the nature of your emergency.
It's OK.
Everything's alright.
- Shouldn't we get Sam? - We'll save him some.
Out of your share.
Number 63.
Phoenix talons.
Steamed chicken feet.
Number 22.
Szechuan liver with snow peas.
And number 54, the ultimate - chu kiok chou, pig trotters and vinegar.
- Yuck.
Why'd you order that? - Why'd you call me a nerd? Oh I know I'm gonna regret this.
Oh.
Hot.
- Ouch.
What is that? - Presumably a Szechuan pepper.
Water.
I need water.
And I nearly forgot.
Number 37.
Lemon chicken.
Mm.
I guess it's edible.
Well done.
Nerd.
There's food inside.
Well, kind of.
It's cool.
Finding out you don't exist kinda kills your appetite.
And that your parents had another kid and - Gave him the same name.
- Yeah? I just kept thinking, "Not me".
I'll be different, you know? And I am different.
I'm replaced.
What was that? I don't know but it has a friend.
I was kind of hoping Andy's food would be the weirdest thing that happened.
What was that? Run.
Run! - Jake, open the door! - Open the door! - What's that? - What? - Open it.
- It's stuck.
Jake, come on, Jake.
Just open the door.
I can't I can't! - Jake.
Jake! - It's stuck.
- What's going on? - Something out there.
- Something's coming.
- What is it? I think it's some kind of evil spirit.
- What? - What? Like a ghost? There's no such thing as ghosts.
There's no such thing as ghosts.
There's no such thing as ghosts.
There's no such thing as ghosts.