October Road (2007) s01e03 Episode Script
Tomorrow's So Far Away
Previously on "October Road" One thing to pay a visit after ten years, but, uh, considering the number you did on Knights Ridge in your book, you might meet some resistance.
So you're a mom, huh? I didn't know that.
Well, there's a lot of things you miss when you vanish into the ether.
- Surprised, Garrett? - Shocked.
You meet Alison yet? What, Owen Rowan's wife? - I had sex with her.
- What? What have you been up to, man? I haven't left this house in five years.
Five years.
Nick's staying, Eddie.
Isn't that great? Maybe sometime you wanna come out.
Are you asking me out, Eddie? I guess.
How old is Sam? He turns 10 in 2 month.
But don't worry.
He's not yours.
The boy - he has your mother's eyes.
The college offered me a job.
You can't just wander into our lives, not now.
You really think the kid is yours? Peanut allergy - he's got one.
All the men in my family have peanut allergies.
- It's not that rare.
- Yeah, it is.
No, it's not.
Can I see a show of hands for everyone here with a nut allergy? And then Foulke underhanded the ball to Doug Mientkiewicz, and that's how the Red Sox won the World Series.
You probably already knew all this.
I'm sure the big guy up there had a hand in it.
What else? What else? This thing with Sam Hannah said the real father is some guy named Gavin Goddard.
But let's be serious.
Is anybody really named "Gavin Goddard"? That's, like, a name that you make up when you can't think of another name.
But on the other hand, evidently, everyone in the free world has a peanut allergy, so I don't know.
But here's what I keep coming back to, ma- I've already missed out on ten years.
I can't really chance missing any more, can I? Thanks, ma.
Glad we had this talk.
I gotta go to class.
Yeah, Hannah boy, Sam? He's amazing.
You would love him.
And he would love you, too.
I'll see you next week.
Miss you a lot.
Give my best to Steve McQueen.
How much longer do we have to hang out here? Just a little while longer.
I was coming over for that.
I thought I don't know what I thought.
You want me to go get it? It's already back in play.
Right.
So probably not.
That'd be dumb.
You're silly, Seth.
But my name's Sam.
Let's get meatball subs Seth.
"There was an age difference, "but Katherine didn't mind.
"Yes, he was older, "but there was a certainty about him, "a youthful certainty.
"She couldn't help herself.
"She leaned down "and she kissed him, "and it was everything she'd hoped for.
"At once, she understood the true meaning of the word 'shiver.
' "It wasn't something you did when cold.
"It was somethg you did "when hot.
" That's it.
Comments? Ross.
I think it was awesome, the way you realize what lovemaking is.
Um, it's-it's simple but powerful.
Mad right-on.
Thanks, Ross.
Yes, and there was an honesty there, but what I think Ross meant to say was that Aubrey's character came to this realization.
Remember, guys, it's fiction.
So that's it.
But, um, next week, we're reading Denny, Julia and, uh, Tim? Okay.
Well? Derivative? Brilliant? Lame? Wow.
Self-hating and grandiose all in one breath.
You really are a writer.
No, I thought- I- I thought it was very strong.
"Mad right-on"? Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit mad right-on.
See you next week.
Oh, um, so I heard that you and Eddie Latekka were hanging out.
Are you guys becoming friends? Why do you ask? Are you jealous? Excuse me? Do you want to be hanging out with Eddie Latekka? Actually, yeah, I do.
Give him time.
I'm telling you man, this girl is very cool.
And very hot.
- She's my student, Ikey.
- Who cares? You should take that down like Christmas decorations on january 10th.
You know what I can't understand? - What? - Alison Rowan.
She seems sophisticated, pretty, smart.
Why did she cheat on her husband with the likes of you? Tommy Tortorelli.
Who? Her high school sweetheart.
They went out for seven years, but he was a real creep and broke her heart.
That does not explain why she had a one-night stand with you.
I remind her of Tommy Tortorelli.
That's the only reason? - Yep.
- And that's okay by you? Oh, yeah.
I'm good with it.
Hey.
What does "rock the stadium of her heart" mean? Excuse me? "Rock the stadium of her heart.
" You did it in the book, and you got the girl to like you.
Okay, Sam, I didn't do anything in my book.
This is a work of fiction, okay? What do you want to know for? Is there a girl that you're interested in? Amanda.
Amanda, huh? Well, does amanda know that you exist? Ah! If you gotta think that long, kid, it's what's known as a mute point.
It's "moot," not "mute.
" Okay, Vinnie vocabulary, but the chick still doesn't know you exist.
Hey! All right, here's the thing- "rock the stadium of her heart," that's that's the third part in a 3-phase wooing process.
Maybe I should ask her to pumpkin fest.
Well, unless things have radically changed around here, nobody asks anybody to go to pumpkin fest.
Everybody just goes.
I got an idea.
You get through the first two phases, then you can rock the stadium of her heart - at pumpkin fest! - Ikey Wouldn't be the first time.
Can you? Come on! I mean, I get that he's confused.
But to challenge me about being Sam's father? It's ridiculous.
And the most ridiculous part of it is that we were fighting.
I know.
I saw the pub peanut poll.
The what? You polled the pub about the peanut thing.
Everyone is talking about it.
Everyone is talking about it? It was advanced.
And it's not that surprising you fought, Hannah.
I mean, it's pretty much been coming for ten years.
I don't think so.
I made my peace with Nick a long time ago.
I don't need to fight with him.
Oh.
Okay.
Sorry.
Why am I still talking about this? I don't know why I'm still talking about this.
No, you're fine.
It's not that.
Just I maybe have a maybe-date.
What's a maybe-date? As in, maybe he won't call.
Uh, maybe if he does, I won't go.
Maybe it's not even a date.
Maybe I wish I hadn't said anything.
Who's the maybe-date with? Maybe not ready to talk about that yet.
Well, I think it's great that maybe you have a maybe-date.
Back to Nick.
I think that ten years of silence has to come out somehow, that it might be odd if it didn't.
You know, the thing is, the whole time I was yelling at him, all I wanted to do was just kiss him.
Just grab him and kiss him.
Oh, my god, I wanted to grab him and kiss him! Now that's advanced.
What? Are you gonna be done soon? 'Cause Wolf Blitzer's about to start.
- I'll do my own dishes.
- Right.
Maybe when you get home from work tonight, if I'm lucky.
More like six days from now when a nice crust has formed.
If it's that important to you to do my dishes, do 'em after your program.
And then when am I supposed to read the paper? Read the paper after the dishes.
You have no concept of other people, do you? It's like everyone's supposed to be on your schedule.
You don't leave the house.
How it is that you're the busiest guy I know? See ya tonight, buddy.
Later.
Hello? Hi, Mrs.
Kessler.
Now? No, I mean, you know I adore your bundt cakes, but you do not need to go to the trouble of Okay.
I'll see you in a few minutes.
Bye.
You know, she happens to make nice bundt cake.
She'd tell you her glazed buttermilk is all-time, and who are you talking to, creepy shut-in? Help.
Help! Help! Help! Someone help! Someone, please! Mrs.
Kessler? Somebody help her! Hello? I need a-I need an ambulance! Come on.
It's open.
Come in.
It's you.
How are you? I'm fine.
I'm just, uh, making a carrot cake for the pumpkin fest, only the carrots keep clogging up the- why am I telling you my disposal woes? I don't know.
What are you doing here, Nick? First off.
Truce? Absolutely.
No more fighting.
We need to be like neighboring countries, peaceful coexistence.
We might have a slight problem, though.
One of your citizens came to see me yesterday.
What do you mean? Sam.
Sam came to see you? Yeah.
He wanted me to help him with a girl.
Sam likes a girl? Yeah.
And he came to you? Yeah, I know.
It's kind of like going to learn aerodynamics from the guy that invented the Hindenburg.
Well, why didn't he tell me about this? Well, it's not really the kind of thing boys tell their moms.
It's not? I- I can tell him that I can't help him- No.
I just don't know why he didn't feel he could go to- Hey, someone call about a garbage disposal? - Garrett.
- Hey, Big Cat.
Hi.
Why are you here? Is this gonna be a thing now that you're back? I come over and you're here.
I gotta tell you, pal, that is not a thing that I'm gonna be very happy about.
No, no.
It's not a thing.
No thing.
Sam has a crush on a girl, and he asked Nick to help him.
He asked you to help him? Wow.
We already did a Hindenburg joke, but you can feel free to chime in if you want.
I'm just gonna leave now.
Good idea.
Oh, and, Garrett? Future-speak? You can fail to feel the need to just drop by here, okay? Okay.
All right.
Help him.
Excuse me? Help Sam with the girl.
- Hannah.
- He came to him.
He came to you.
What's her name? Amanda.
That's a nice name.
Poor Mrs.
Kessler lived in Knights Ridge her whole life.
You know the bundt cake was invented in 1950? By H.
David Dalquist, who modified a ceramic pan by introducing folds in the outer edge.
So what's your point? Just that one could make the case that what H.
David Dalquist began, Mrs.
Kessler perfected.
- Pizza's here! - Come on in! - Hey.
How much? - $16.
Here's $20.
Keep it.
Did you hear about Mrs.
Kessler, Phil? That's why we've gathered- to honor her.
This is all she left behind.
She was so nice.
She always called every monday and ordered the same thing like clockwork- cheese manicotti and a caesar salad.
Oh, I watched Wolf Blitzer yesterday.
You were right.
He has an incomparable grasp on current events.
Is Wolf his real name? Yes, yes.
It's his maternal grandfather's name.
They said she died in the street alone in the street.
She wasn't alone.
She was not alone.
See you later, Phil.
Pizza girl's hot.
Yeah.
She's nice.
No, I didn't say "nice.
" I said "hot.
" - And she likes you.
- No, she doesn't.
Yes, you reclusive moron, she does.
Guys, she was trying to be kind to Mrs.
Kessler.
Remember her? The reason we're here? Dig in, boys.
Oh, no.
None for me.
I got-I got dinner plans.
With who? That's none of your business.
I bet she's hot.
All right, phase one.
First things first- you gotta get her interest.
But I don't play soccer.
You don't get her interest by doing things that she likes.
That just makes you seem desperate.
Do you have a girlfriend? We're just gonna keep the focus on you, okay? All right, now phase one- you wanna make the time, you gotta commit the crime.
You gotta do something interesting.
What's interesting? Same thing that's been interesting to girls since the garden of eden- the bad boy.
I love surprises.
Is it chocolate? No.
Can it be dipped in chocolate? Well, not without a massive undertaking involving engineers and candy makers.
Is my surprise in there? Well, your surprise is there.
It's a spec house we built, and I want to take it off the market.
Say the word, we move in this month.
"We" move in? Like like, together? Yeah.
Well, just think about how much sense it makes.
There's not enough room at my place for all of us.
Your place is falling apart.
I have a garbage disposal that rejects carrots.
I hardly think that constitutes falling apart.
I know, but the point is, it's crowded.
Look, I know it's not easy for Sam with the twins.
But in this house, any time I have Jasper and Casper, everyone could have their own space.
I think it's really sweet, Ray.
I just- Just think about it.
Okay, that's all I ask.
Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Con - Sam hates Jasper and Casper.
Pro - Ray's a good guy who wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Con - it feels like Ray's doing this as a reaction to Nick coming to town.
What says "I'm not assuming this is a date" more - a hoop or a stud? So you are going on the maybe-date? If I tell you who it's with, you can't say a word.
I told you I wanted to kiss Nick.
What could be more of a secret than that? Eddie Latekka.
Except that! But why did he ask me out? Has he run out of thin girls to sleep with? He asked you out because you're one of the top three people I know.
Hannah, I love you, but we're talking about Eddie Latekka.
And is it a date or not a date? How does one tell? By the good night kiss.
If it's on the lips, it's a date.
Cheek or forehead, no date.
Who are the other top two people? Well, Sam, of course.
And? Caroline Garrett.
Nick's mother? She was the best.
I think about her all the time.
Had she lived things would've been different.
Hello? Yes, this is Hannah Daniels.
What? Hi.
I'm Nick Garrett.
I got a call.
Yes.
Sam begged me- begged me- to call you instead of his mother.
Who are you? We're pals? You and a fourth grader? Yeah.
Of course, we called his mother as well.
Come in.
Hi, Mr.
Harrison.
I'm What are you doing here? Apparently, he and the What happened? Sam took it upon himself to let dozens and dozens of fruit flies loose in the elementary school.
How did he have access to dozens and dozens of fruit flies? The second grade was conducting the fruit fly-oatmeal experiment, and Sam decided to liberate the fruit flies.
You liberated fruit flies? Excuse me for asking the obvious, but why? We believe it had something to do with impressing a girl.
I'm sorry.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
What girl in her right mind would be impressed by fruit flies? That's not a question I can answer.
But I never did anything wrong before.
We don't get any points for what we haven't done, Sam.
- Well, what about- - Was the girl impressed? - Excuse me? - Nick! I'm just curious.
If we're to assume that he did this to impress a girl, I think it'd be nice to know if it had the desired affect.
- I don't see how that- - Because if he did impress her, he may be inclined to do it again.
We need to know.
To dissuade him.
Sam? I think it did impress her.
She laughed - and giggled.
- A laugh and a giggle? Wait, wait, wait, what-what's the difference? What's what difference? Between a laugh and a giggle.
A giggle happens after you've realized you've Laughed too much.
It's a self-conscious thing.
You're embarrassed for laughing overtly, so you devolve into a nervous giggle.
- Exactly.
- Excuse me.
What are we doing here? And I do believe there was a blush.
A blush? Oh, now did you hear that, principal Harrison? - There was a blush.
- Yes.
Extraordinary.
I want you all to leave my office now.
Thank you.
Wow.
How far did we drive? Are we still in Massachusetts? It's got the best veal scaloppini ever.
We drove through three time zones for veal scaloppini? There are a disproportionate number of older men with younger women here.
No! This place it's where people come for assignations.
Wh-what's that? Secret romances, sneak-aways, affairs.
No! It's called "Hugo's Hideaway.
" That's 'cause it's tucked in the woods.
I think that's a chicken/egg thing.
Is it an affair place 'cause it's tucked in the woods, or did they tuck it in the woods 'cause it's an affair place? Check this out.
"During prohibition, colorful canadian bootlegger Hugo Callahan "opened the Hideaway as a place to entertain lady friends "far from his wife's prying eyes.
" It's a virtual shrine to cheating.
I come for the veal scaloppini.
Of course, they don't have veal scaloppini.
What? Not on the menu, anyhow.
I don't ask for much, Eddie.
Heck, I don't ask for anything.
From where I'm sittin', I'm just happy to be sittin' where I'm sittin'.
There's only one thing I require of my friends, and that's honesty.
Are we here because you're embarrassed to be seen with me? Have we decided? Yeah, um, would you mind explaining to my friend here what Vito's special is? Oh, that's our version of veal scaloppini- the best in the state.
Really? We'll have two.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Here.
Keep the change.
I don't have to.
You don't have to what? Keep the change.
It's a tip.
Don't you - don't you work for tips? Yeah, I mean, traditionally.
It's just this place What about it? It, um struggles.
Hey, um, you don't write manifestos, do you? - What do you mean? - Tracts, screeds, ideological rants, anti-technology mantras hating on mechanizations and machines in industrial society? I mean, you don't just write those, do you? No.
I just think critical perspective is really important, that's all, for everything.
You know, my dad - when he runs out of staples, he throws out the entire stapler.
I'm sorry.
I go on.
I just feel the need to let conversations linger.
It's like I don't know how to end them.
You know, my friend Sarah - she says for my birthday she's gonna get me a carton of periods.
The punctuation mark, not the menstrual cycle.
God, a carton of menstrual cycles.
How do you even wrap that? I don't know.
Yeah.
Um, your pizza's getting cold, so I should go.
See you later.
Yeah.
I'll-I'll see you later.
Your eyes are off-the-hinge.
Excuse me? They're beautiful.
Just you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, and I'm an expert, 'cause I get a lot of looks.
Well so long.
So long.
So, um how do you feel about Nick moving back to town? It's a free country.
People are allowed to move where they want.
That's very generous of you.
Let's try again.
How do you feel about it? I'm sore at the guy.
Was it the book? I never even read it.
It's the movie.
Remember that scene when Freddy Venetta gets so drunk he hits the car? He's so afraid of getting in trouble, he just takes off? That never happened.
Yeah, I hit the car, but I stayed.
I faced the consequences.
I didn't take off unlike some people.
You know what I like about you, Eddie? You're not like the guy in the movie.
You're brave.
You don't run.
But I also think sometimes a lot of that gets lost in the shuffle of you being you.
I'll see you later, Janet.
Yeah, see ya.
What are you watching? Um, okay.
I'm worried on several levels.
Check it out.
That's Amanda.
It's getting worse.
Oh, okay, all right.
Is that Sam? Yeah.
Yeah.
Phase two- "nothing attracts like indifference.
" See? He's got her attention, but he's barely acknowledging her.
I never knew I could learn so much by watching little boys.
Is my maturity being called into question here? 'Cause I will have you know I'm doing the most mature thing on the planet.
By playing Cyrano to a fourth grader who may or may not be your son? I'm parenting.
Oh, right.
How's that working out for you? It's a cakewalk.
Yeah, I've heard that about kids.
Like model trains- you know, you just put 'em on the track, give 'em some juice, watch them go.
Holy cow.
She is into him.
Tomorrow night, phase three is a go.
What's phase three? It's the big finish- "rock the stadium of her heart.
" So have you given it any more thought? Have I given what any more thought? The house.
The spec house.
- Ray - I know.
I know you need some time to think on it.
I was just wondering if you're at least mulling it over.
It's just the timing of it all I find strange.
Strange how? We've been together for two and a half years, Ray, and in all that time, not a peep about any of this.
In fact, it was only a month ago that a toothbrush of yours finally declared permanent residency in my medicine chest.
So why the sudden urgency to move in together? Look, I'm just tired of packing an overnight bag three nights a week to sleep here And I'm tired of waking up alone those other four mornings.
You know what really buckles me, Hannah? Is that I remember the day that my toothbrush took up permanent residency in your medicine chest, 'cause you were so damn happy.
You welcomed that toothbrush with open arms, and now it's like all you wanna do is serve it with an eviction notice And my toothbrush and I just wanna know why.
I can't believe you're not gonna be with us to help Sam "rock the stadium of her heart.
" I know.
I wish I could be a part of it.
Well, it's not gonna be the same without you.
Can I ask you something? Yeah.
What is it? Pizza girl what do I say? You're asking me for advice? Why not? I mean, what you and Alison have, that's-that is something to aspire to.
Thanks, man.
I haven't been with a girl in over six years.
If it wasn't for sunday morning waffles with Eddie's saturday night take-homes, I would have no contact at all with the female of the species.
Which is why pizza girl is exciting.
Except for the one obstacle.
I'm a shut-in? I haven't played the game in a while, Physical Phil, but my gut tells me we don't lead with that.
Is pumpkin fest everything you remembered? And more.
How you doing? Great.
The other day at the principal's office, that was, um Fun? Yeah.
- A little bit.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
It was fun.
Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Have you two met? Aubrey, Hannah.
Hannah, Aubrey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
Aubrey's one of my students.
Were there always this many pumpkins at pumpkin fest? Yeah, one large pie, extra feta.
I'm just here to get some fried dough.
Don't mind me.
Good thing.
We wouldn't want anyone thinking you and I have a reason to talk.
Well, word might get out.
Guess we'll have to keep sneaking around.
I know a place in Denver, Colorado- Has a chicken marsala knock you blue.
Yeah? Make a reservation.
Excuse me.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? Everybody in the back, you're gonna want to move to the front.
You're not gonna want to miss this.
Come on up.
Come on.
Don't be shy.
We'd like to do a little number here for somebody very, very special.
Didn't Nick do this to you at pumpkin fest our sophomore year? A hootie and the blowfish song.
Right.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Um, large pie, extra feta.
That would be me.
You want the change? No, thanks.
Thanks.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Hey.
Oh.
Are you-don't- you're not gonna cry, are you? Are you gonna cry? Um, don't.
- Uh, do you want a corn dog? - No.
- It's gonna be all right.
- No, it's not.
I don't know how to do these things, and no girl's ever gonna like me.
Honey Let's get you home, baby.
Hannah, I'm sorry.
For what? It's my fault.
Janet's gonna take you to the car, okay? I'll be right there.
"Rock the stadium of her heart"? From your book? It's what I did for you, remember? Hootie? We were 16, Nick.
They're 10.
- There's a huge difference.
- I see that now.
I'm sorry.
Please don't apologize.
I'm the problem.
No.
The problem isn't you acting like you're 16.
It's that I've been acting like I'm 16 since you came back.
My judgment gets clouded, and I can't let that happen.
It's gonna be okay.
He's gonna be okay.
Ten years ago, you really blew my world, Nick.
I can't allow you to do that again not to me, and not to my son.
Hann-Hannah Hi.
Um, they said you called to complain there wasn't enough feta.
No, that pizza had plenty of feta on it.
I- I-I called you back because I was wondering if you'd like to go in sometime.
"Go in"? It's like going out, only you do it here.
So what they say is true? What do they say? You don't leave.
Yes, it's true.
I don't.
Mrs.
Kessler told me.
She did? I can't believe she narced.
I- I-I-all those years, I pretended to love those bundt cakes.
She said that in this day and age, when it's impossible to count on anyone what could be better than knowing there's a guy who'll always be there? She said that? She did.
Well, um I gotta get back to work, but you should ask me in sometime.
I will.
And you should know I don't even eat pizza.
I'm lactose-intolerant.
Mrs.
Kessler told me that, too.
Wow.
She was like Serpico.
So it's not a cakewalk, per se, but it doesn't mean you don't have good instincts.
Look, here's the thing about kids- it's all about the take-away.
Sam's gonna take away two things from today.
One-his first heartbreak.
There's nothing you can do about that.
It happens to everyone.
Two-you tried, and he knows that.
He knows that you care.
You couldn't have told me that instead of the trains on the track thing? Aubrey! There's my ride.
See you in class? Yeah.
Hey, thanks.
Well, well, well.
All the ladies love Garrett! Hey, Big Cat.
It worked back then.
What did? Oh, I was there the day you did it for Hannah, when we were 16.
Not sure what you're talking about.
The hootie.
Oh.
That.
Yeah.
Hannah broke up with me last night.
She did? Yeah.
Oh, she said it was 'cause of Sam, said it's 'cause she wasn't ready to move in together.
I mean, she gave me every reason under the sun except the real one, which is you.
If you hadn't come back, I would be moving into a new house right now.
And I know that.
And Hannah knows that.
And my kids know that.
All of us knowing that, that doesn't mean nothing.
I tell you what- your next book can be about a guy who comes back home and gets destroyed by the local contractor.
And this one- this one can be nonfiction, because I am gonna bury you, kid bury you gone.
I broke up with Ray.
He thinks it's because of well I was just feeling so much pressure.
You know what it's like to have a son How much they need How painful it is for them to admit it.
I thought I could do it all on my own, but he's growing up.
Soon, he won't tell me anything.
He needs a father and I just don't know what to do.
So you're a mom, huh? I didn't know that.
Well, there's a lot of things you miss when you vanish into the ether.
- Surprised, Garrett? - Shocked.
You meet Alison yet? What, Owen Rowan's wife? - I had sex with her.
- What? What have you been up to, man? I haven't left this house in five years.
Five years.
Nick's staying, Eddie.
Isn't that great? Maybe sometime you wanna come out.
Are you asking me out, Eddie? I guess.
How old is Sam? He turns 10 in 2 month.
But don't worry.
He's not yours.
The boy - he has your mother's eyes.
The college offered me a job.
You can't just wander into our lives, not now.
You really think the kid is yours? Peanut allergy - he's got one.
All the men in my family have peanut allergies.
- It's not that rare.
- Yeah, it is.
No, it's not.
Can I see a show of hands for everyone here with a nut allergy? And then Foulke underhanded the ball to Doug Mientkiewicz, and that's how the Red Sox won the World Series.
You probably already knew all this.
I'm sure the big guy up there had a hand in it.
What else? What else? This thing with Sam Hannah said the real father is some guy named Gavin Goddard.
But let's be serious.
Is anybody really named "Gavin Goddard"? That's, like, a name that you make up when you can't think of another name.
But on the other hand, evidently, everyone in the free world has a peanut allergy, so I don't know.
But here's what I keep coming back to, ma- I've already missed out on ten years.
I can't really chance missing any more, can I? Thanks, ma.
Glad we had this talk.
I gotta go to class.
Yeah, Hannah boy, Sam? He's amazing.
You would love him.
And he would love you, too.
I'll see you next week.
Miss you a lot.
Give my best to Steve McQueen.
How much longer do we have to hang out here? Just a little while longer.
I was coming over for that.
I thought I don't know what I thought.
You want me to go get it? It's already back in play.
Right.
So probably not.
That'd be dumb.
You're silly, Seth.
But my name's Sam.
Let's get meatball subs Seth.
"There was an age difference, "but Katherine didn't mind.
"Yes, he was older, "but there was a certainty about him, "a youthful certainty.
"She couldn't help herself.
"She leaned down "and she kissed him, "and it was everything she'd hoped for.
"At once, she understood the true meaning of the word 'shiver.
' "It wasn't something you did when cold.
"It was somethg you did "when hot.
" That's it.
Comments? Ross.
I think it was awesome, the way you realize what lovemaking is.
Um, it's-it's simple but powerful.
Mad right-on.
Thanks, Ross.
Yes, and there was an honesty there, but what I think Ross meant to say was that Aubrey's character came to this realization.
Remember, guys, it's fiction.
So that's it.
But, um, next week, we're reading Denny, Julia and, uh, Tim? Okay.
Well? Derivative? Brilliant? Lame? Wow.
Self-hating and grandiose all in one breath.
You really are a writer.
No, I thought- I- I thought it was very strong.
"Mad right-on"? Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit mad right-on.
See you next week.
Oh, um, so I heard that you and Eddie Latekka were hanging out.
Are you guys becoming friends? Why do you ask? Are you jealous? Excuse me? Do you want to be hanging out with Eddie Latekka? Actually, yeah, I do.
Give him time.
I'm telling you man, this girl is very cool.
And very hot.
- She's my student, Ikey.
- Who cares? You should take that down like Christmas decorations on january 10th.
You know what I can't understand? - What? - Alison Rowan.
She seems sophisticated, pretty, smart.
Why did she cheat on her husband with the likes of you? Tommy Tortorelli.
Who? Her high school sweetheart.
They went out for seven years, but he was a real creep and broke her heart.
That does not explain why she had a one-night stand with you.
I remind her of Tommy Tortorelli.
That's the only reason? - Yep.
- And that's okay by you? Oh, yeah.
I'm good with it.
Hey.
What does "rock the stadium of her heart" mean? Excuse me? "Rock the stadium of her heart.
" You did it in the book, and you got the girl to like you.
Okay, Sam, I didn't do anything in my book.
This is a work of fiction, okay? What do you want to know for? Is there a girl that you're interested in? Amanda.
Amanda, huh? Well, does amanda know that you exist? Ah! If you gotta think that long, kid, it's what's known as a mute point.
It's "moot," not "mute.
" Okay, Vinnie vocabulary, but the chick still doesn't know you exist.
Hey! All right, here's the thing- "rock the stadium of her heart," that's that's the third part in a 3-phase wooing process.
Maybe I should ask her to pumpkin fest.
Well, unless things have radically changed around here, nobody asks anybody to go to pumpkin fest.
Everybody just goes.
I got an idea.
You get through the first two phases, then you can rock the stadium of her heart - at pumpkin fest! - Ikey Wouldn't be the first time.
Can you? Come on! I mean, I get that he's confused.
But to challenge me about being Sam's father? It's ridiculous.
And the most ridiculous part of it is that we were fighting.
I know.
I saw the pub peanut poll.
The what? You polled the pub about the peanut thing.
Everyone is talking about it.
Everyone is talking about it? It was advanced.
And it's not that surprising you fought, Hannah.
I mean, it's pretty much been coming for ten years.
I don't think so.
I made my peace with Nick a long time ago.
I don't need to fight with him.
Oh.
Okay.
Sorry.
Why am I still talking about this? I don't know why I'm still talking about this.
No, you're fine.
It's not that.
Just I maybe have a maybe-date.
What's a maybe-date? As in, maybe he won't call.
Uh, maybe if he does, I won't go.
Maybe it's not even a date.
Maybe I wish I hadn't said anything.
Who's the maybe-date with? Maybe not ready to talk about that yet.
Well, I think it's great that maybe you have a maybe-date.
Back to Nick.
I think that ten years of silence has to come out somehow, that it might be odd if it didn't.
You know, the thing is, the whole time I was yelling at him, all I wanted to do was just kiss him.
Just grab him and kiss him.
Oh, my god, I wanted to grab him and kiss him! Now that's advanced.
What? Are you gonna be done soon? 'Cause Wolf Blitzer's about to start.
- I'll do my own dishes.
- Right.
Maybe when you get home from work tonight, if I'm lucky.
More like six days from now when a nice crust has formed.
If it's that important to you to do my dishes, do 'em after your program.
And then when am I supposed to read the paper? Read the paper after the dishes.
You have no concept of other people, do you? It's like everyone's supposed to be on your schedule.
You don't leave the house.
How it is that you're the busiest guy I know? See ya tonight, buddy.
Later.
Hello? Hi, Mrs.
Kessler.
Now? No, I mean, you know I adore your bundt cakes, but you do not need to go to the trouble of Okay.
I'll see you in a few minutes.
Bye.
You know, she happens to make nice bundt cake.
She'd tell you her glazed buttermilk is all-time, and who are you talking to, creepy shut-in? Help.
Help! Help! Help! Someone help! Someone, please! Mrs.
Kessler? Somebody help her! Hello? I need a-I need an ambulance! Come on.
It's open.
Come in.
It's you.
How are you? I'm fine.
I'm just, uh, making a carrot cake for the pumpkin fest, only the carrots keep clogging up the- why am I telling you my disposal woes? I don't know.
What are you doing here, Nick? First off.
Truce? Absolutely.
No more fighting.
We need to be like neighboring countries, peaceful coexistence.
We might have a slight problem, though.
One of your citizens came to see me yesterday.
What do you mean? Sam.
Sam came to see you? Yeah.
He wanted me to help him with a girl.
Sam likes a girl? Yeah.
And he came to you? Yeah, I know.
It's kind of like going to learn aerodynamics from the guy that invented the Hindenburg.
Well, why didn't he tell me about this? Well, it's not really the kind of thing boys tell their moms.
It's not? I- I can tell him that I can't help him- No.
I just don't know why he didn't feel he could go to- Hey, someone call about a garbage disposal? - Garrett.
- Hey, Big Cat.
Hi.
Why are you here? Is this gonna be a thing now that you're back? I come over and you're here.
I gotta tell you, pal, that is not a thing that I'm gonna be very happy about.
No, no.
It's not a thing.
No thing.
Sam has a crush on a girl, and he asked Nick to help him.
He asked you to help him? Wow.
We already did a Hindenburg joke, but you can feel free to chime in if you want.
I'm just gonna leave now.
Good idea.
Oh, and, Garrett? Future-speak? You can fail to feel the need to just drop by here, okay? Okay.
All right.
Help him.
Excuse me? Help Sam with the girl.
- Hannah.
- He came to him.
He came to you.
What's her name? Amanda.
That's a nice name.
Poor Mrs.
Kessler lived in Knights Ridge her whole life.
You know the bundt cake was invented in 1950? By H.
David Dalquist, who modified a ceramic pan by introducing folds in the outer edge.
So what's your point? Just that one could make the case that what H.
David Dalquist began, Mrs.
Kessler perfected.
- Pizza's here! - Come on in! - Hey.
How much? - $16.
Here's $20.
Keep it.
Did you hear about Mrs.
Kessler, Phil? That's why we've gathered- to honor her.
This is all she left behind.
She was so nice.
She always called every monday and ordered the same thing like clockwork- cheese manicotti and a caesar salad.
Oh, I watched Wolf Blitzer yesterday.
You were right.
He has an incomparable grasp on current events.
Is Wolf his real name? Yes, yes.
It's his maternal grandfather's name.
They said she died in the street alone in the street.
She wasn't alone.
She was not alone.
See you later, Phil.
Pizza girl's hot.
Yeah.
She's nice.
No, I didn't say "nice.
" I said "hot.
" - And she likes you.
- No, she doesn't.
Yes, you reclusive moron, she does.
Guys, she was trying to be kind to Mrs.
Kessler.
Remember her? The reason we're here? Dig in, boys.
Oh, no.
None for me.
I got-I got dinner plans.
With who? That's none of your business.
I bet she's hot.
All right, phase one.
First things first- you gotta get her interest.
But I don't play soccer.
You don't get her interest by doing things that she likes.
That just makes you seem desperate.
Do you have a girlfriend? We're just gonna keep the focus on you, okay? All right, now phase one- you wanna make the time, you gotta commit the crime.
You gotta do something interesting.
What's interesting? Same thing that's been interesting to girls since the garden of eden- the bad boy.
I love surprises.
Is it chocolate? No.
Can it be dipped in chocolate? Well, not without a massive undertaking involving engineers and candy makers.
Is my surprise in there? Well, your surprise is there.
It's a spec house we built, and I want to take it off the market.
Say the word, we move in this month.
"We" move in? Like like, together? Yeah.
Well, just think about how much sense it makes.
There's not enough room at my place for all of us.
Your place is falling apart.
I have a garbage disposal that rejects carrots.
I hardly think that constitutes falling apart.
I know, but the point is, it's crowded.
Look, I know it's not easy for Sam with the twins.
But in this house, any time I have Jasper and Casper, everyone could have their own space.
I think it's really sweet, Ray.
I just- Just think about it.
Okay, that's all I ask.
Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Con - Sam hates Jasper and Casper.
Pro - Ray's a good guy who wants to take your relationship to the next level.
Con - it feels like Ray's doing this as a reaction to Nick coming to town.
What says "I'm not assuming this is a date" more - a hoop or a stud? So you are going on the maybe-date? If I tell you who it's with, you can't say a word.
I told you I wanted to kiss Nick.
What could be more of a secret than that? Eddie Latekka.
Except that! But why did he ask me out? Has he run out of thin girls to sleep with? He asked you out because you're one of the top three people I know.
Hannah, I love you, but we're talking about Eddie Latekka.
And is it a date or not a date? How does one tell? By the good night kiss.
If it's on the lips, it's a date.
Cheek or forehead, no date.
Who are the other top two people? Well, Sam, of course.
And? Caroline Garrett.
Nick's mother? She was the best.
I think about her all the time.
Had she lived things would've been different.
Hello? Yes, this is Hannah Daniels.
What? Hi.
I'm Nick Garrett.
I got a call.
Yes.
Sam begged me- begged me- to call you instead of his mother.
Who are you? We're pals? You and a fourth grader? Yeah.
Of course, we called his mother as well.
Come in.
Hi, Mr.
Harrison.
I'm What are you doing here? Apparently, he and the What happened? Sam took it upon himself to let dozens and dozens of fruit flies loose in the elementary school.
How did he have access to dozens and dozens of fruit flies? The second grade was conducting the fruit fly-oatmeal experiment, and Sam decided to liberate the fruit flies.
You liberated fruit flies? Excuse me for asking the obvious, but why? We believe it had something to do with impressing a girl.
I'm sorry.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
What girl in her right mind would be impressed by fruit flies? That's not a question I can answer.
But I never did anything wrong before.
We don't get any points for what we haven't done, Sam.
- Well, what about- - Was the girl impressed? - Excuse me? - Nick! I'm just curious.
If we're to assume that he did this to impress a girl, I think it'd be nice to know if it had the desired affect.
- I don't see how that- - Because if he did impress her, he may be inclined to do it again.
We need to know.
To dissuade him.
Sam? I think it did impress her.
She laughed - and giggled.
- A laugh and a giggle? Wait, wait, wait, what-what's the difference? What's what difference? Between a laugh and a giggle.
A giggle happens after you've realized you've Laughed too much.
It's a self-conscious thing.
You're embarrassed for laughing overtly, so you devolve into a nervous giggle.
- Exactly.
- Excuse me.
What are we doing here? And I do believe there was a blush.
A blush? Oh, now did you hear that, principal Harrison? - There was a blush.
- Yes.
Extraordinary.
I want you all to leave my office now.
Thank you.
Wow.
How far did we drive? Are we still in Massachusetts? It's got the best veal scaloppini ever.
We drove through three time zones for veal scaloppini? There are a disproportionate number of older men with younger women here.
No! This place it's where people come for assignations.
Wh-what's that? Secret romances, sneak-aways, affairs.
No! It's called "Hugo's Hideaway.
" That's 'cause it's tucked in the woods.
I think that's a chicken/egg thing.
Is it an affair place 'cause it's tucked in the woods, or did they tuck it in the woods 'cause it's an affair place? Check this out.
"During prohibition, colorful canadian bootlegger Hugo Callahan "opened the Hideaway as a place to entertain lady friends "far from his wife's prying eyes.
" It's a virtual shrine to cheating.
I come for the veal scaloppini.
Of course, they don't have veal scaloppini.
What? Not on the menu, anyhow.
I don't ask for much, Eddie.
Heck, I don't ask for anything.
From where I'm sittin', I'm just happy to be sittin' where I'm sittin'.
There's only one thing I require of my friends, and that's honesty.
Are we here because you're embarrassed to be seen with me? Have we decided? Yeah, um, would you mind explaining to my friend here what Vito's special is? Oh, that's our version of veal scaloppini- the best in the state.
Really? We'll have two.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Okay.
Here.
Keep the change.
I don't have to.
You don't have to what? Keep the change.
It's a tip.
Don't you - don't you work for tips? Yeah, I mean, traditionally.
It's just this place What about it? It, um struggles.
Hey, um, you don't write manifestos, do you? - What do you mean? - Tracts, screeds, ideological rants, anti-technology mantras hating on mechanizations and machines in industrial society? I mean, you don't just write those, do you? No.
I just think critical perspective is really important, that's all, for everything.
You know, my dad - when he runs out of staples, he throws out the entire stapler.
I'm sorry.
I go on.
I just feel the need to let conversations linger.
It's like I don't know how to end them.
You know, my friend Sarah - she says for my birthday she's gonna get me a carton of periods.
The punctuation mark, not the menstrual cycle.
God, a carton of menstrual cycles.
How do you even wrap that? I don't know.
Yeah.
Um, your pizza's getting cold, so I should go.
See you later.
Yeah.
I'll-I'll see you later.
Your eyes are off-the-hinge.
Excuse me? They're beautiful.
Just you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, and I'm an expert, 'cause I get a lot of looks.
Well so long.
So long.
So, um how do you feel about Nick moving back to town? It's a free country.
People are allowed to move where they want.
That's very generous of you.
Let's try again.
How do you feel about it? I'm sore at the guy.
Was it the book? I never even read it.
It's the movie.
Remember that scene when Freddy Venetta gets so drunk he hits the car? He's so afraid of getting in trouble, he just takes off? That never happened.
Yeah, I hit the car, but I stayed.
I faced the consequences.
I didn't take off unlike some people.
You know what I like about you, Eddie? You're not like the guy in the movie.
You're brave.
You don't run.
But I also think sometimes a lot of that gets lost in the shuffle of you being you.
I'll see you later, Janet.
Yeah, see ya.
What are you watching? Um, okay.
I'm worried on several levels.
Check it out.
That's Amanda.
It's getting worse.
Oh, okay, all right.
Is that Sam? Yeah.
Yeah.
Phase two- "nothing attracts like indifference.
" See? He's got her attention, but he's barely acknowledging her.
I never knew I could learn so much by watching little boys.
Is my maturity being called into question here? 'Cause I will have you know I'm doing the most mature thing on the planet.
By playing Cyrano to a fourth grader who may or may not be your son? I'm parenting.
Oh, right.
How's that working out for you? It's a cakewalk.
Yeah, I've heard that about kids.
Like model trains- you know, you just put 'em on the track, give 'em some juice, watch them go.
Holy cow.
She is into him.
Tomorrow night, phase three is a go.
What's phase three? It's the big finish- "rock the stadium of her heart.
" So have you given it any more thought? Have I given what any more thought? The house.
The spec house.
- Ray - I know.
I know you need some time to think on it.
I was just wondering if you're at least mulling it over.
It's just the timing of it all I find strange.
Strange how? We've been together for two and a half years, Ray, and in all that time, not a peep about any of this.
In fact, it was only a month ago that a toothbrush of yours finally declared permanent residency in my medicine chest.
So why the sudden urgency to move in together? Look, I'm just tired of packing an overnight bag three nights a week to sleep here And I'm tired of waking up alone those other four mornings.
You know what really buckles me, Hannah? Is that I remember the day that my toothbrush took up permanent residency in your medicine chest, 'cause you were so damn happy.
You welcomed that toothbrush with open arms, and now it's like all you wanna do is serve it with an eviction notice And my toothbrush and I just wanna know why.
I can't believe you're not gonna be with us to help Sam "rock the stadium of her heart.
" I know.
I wish I could be a part of it.
Well, it's not gonna be the same without you.
Can I ask you something? Yeah.
What is it? Pizza girl what do I say? You're asking me for advice? Why not? I mean, what you and Alison have, that's-that is something to aspire to.
Thanks, man.
I haven't been with a girl in over six years.
If it wasn't for sunday morning waffles with Eddie's saturday night take-homes, I would have no contact at all with the female of the species.
Which is why pizza girl is exciting.
Except for the one obstacle.
I'm a shut-in? I haven't played the game in a while, Physical Phil, but my gut tells me we don't lead with that.
Is pumpkin fest everything you remembered? And more.
How you doing? Great.
The other day at the principal's office, that was, um Fun? Yeah.
- A little bit.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
It was fun.
Hello.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Have you two met? Aubrey, Hannah.
Hannah, Aubrey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
Aubrey's one of my students.
Were there always this many pumpkins at pumpkin fest? Yeah, one large pie, extra feta.
I'm just here to get some fried dough.
Don't mind me.
Good thing.
We wouldn't want anyone thinking you and I have a reason to talk.
Well, word might get out.
Guess we'll have to keep sneaking around.
I know a place in Denver, Colorado- Has a chicken marsala knock you blue.
Yeah? Make a reservation.
Excuse me.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? Everybody in the back, you're gonna want to move to the front.
You're not gonna want to miss this.
Come on up.
Come on.
Don't be shy.
We'd like to do a little number here for somebody very, very special.
Didn't Nick do this to you at pumpkin fest our sophomore year? A hootie and the blowfish song.
Right.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Um, large pie, extra feta.
That would be me.
You want the change? No, thanks.
Thanks.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Hey.
Oh.
Are you-don't- you're not gonna cry, are you? Are you gonna cry? Um, don't.
- Uh, do you want a corn dog? - No.
- It's gonna be all right.
- No, it's not.
I don't know how to do these things, and no girl's ever gonna like me.
Honey Let's get you home, baby.
Hannah, I'm sorry.
For what? It's my fault.
Janet's gonna take you to the car, okay? I'll be right there.
"Rock the stadium of her heart"? From your book? It's what I did for you, remember? Hootie? We were 16, Nick.
They're 10.
- There's a huge difference.
- I see that now.
I'm sorry.
Please don't apologize.
I'm the problem.
No.
The problem isn't you acting like you're 16.
It's that I've been acting like I'm 16 since you came back.
My judgment gets clouded, and I can't let that happen.
It's gonna be okay.
He's gonna be okay.
Ten years ago, you really blew my world, Nick.
I can't allow you to do that again not to me, and not to my son.
Hann-Hannah Hi.
Um, they said you called to complain there wasn't enough feta.
No, that pizza had plenty of feta on it.
I- I-I called you back because I was wondering if you'd like to go in sometime.
"Go in"? It's like going out, only you do it here.
So what they say is true? What do they say? You don't leave.
Yes, it's true.
I don't.
Mrs.
Kessler told me.
She did? I can't believe she narced.
I- I-I-all those years, I pretended to love those bundt cakes.
She said that in this day and age, when it's impossible to count on anyone what could be better than knowing there's a guy who'll always be there? She said that? She did.
Well, um I gotta get back to work, but you should ask me in sometime.
I will.
And you should know I don't even eat pizza.
I'm lactose-intolerant.
Mrs.
Kessler told me that, too.
Wow.
She was like Serpico.
So it's not a cakewalk, per se, but it doesn't mean you don't have good instincts.
Look, here's the thing about kids- it's all about the take-away.
Sam's gonna take away two things from today.
One-his first heartbreak.
There's nothing you can do about that.
It happens to everyone.
Two-you tried, and he knows that.
He knows that you care.
You couldn't have told me that instead of the trains on the track thing? Aubrey! There's my ride.
See you in class? Yeah.
Hey, thanks.
Well, well, well.
All the ladies love Garrett! Hey, Big Cat.
It worked back then.
What did? Oh, I was there the day you did it for Hannah, when we were 16.
Not sure what you're talking about.
The hootie.
Oh.
That.
Yeah.
Hannah broke up with me last night.
She did? Yeah.
Oh, she said it was 'cause of Sam, said it's 'cause she wasn't ready to move in together.
I mean, she gave me every reason under the sun except the real one, which is you.
If you hadn't come back, I would be moving into a new house right now.
And I know that.
And Hannah knows that.
And my kids know that.
All of us knowing that, that doesn't mean nothing.
I tell you what- your next book can be about a guy who comes back home and gets destroyed by the local contractor.
And this one- this one can be nonfiction, because I am gonna bury you, kid bury you gone.
I broke up with Ray.
He thinks it's because of well I was just feeling so much pressure.
You know what it's like to have a son How much they need How painful it is for them to admit it.
I thought I could do it all on my own, but he's growing up.
Soon, he won't tell me anything.
He needs a father and I just don't know what to do.