On Becoming a God in Central Florida (2019) s01e03 Episode Script
A Positive Spin!
1 Previously [CODY.]
He was my workhorse.
Well, keep the wife.
[CODY.]
She can be very negative, sir.
I want to talk about Travis's business in light of the tragedy.
- Are those? - What do you want, Cody? I'm from Sunshine Repo, and your husband, rest his soul He has a few things that technically belong to the bank.
Well, it looks like one of your mortgages is past due.
Wait, what? "One of"? I need a raise, an advance, something.
[STAN.]
Water-obics needs a new instructor.
[BUZZ.]
My daughter Becca, she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
[KRYSTAL.]
I'm, like, one bad day from losing my house.
That's called "surrendering your leverage.
" Is that what you called it when you were trading tiaras for tug jobs? Give her an upline bonus.
Use the value of your business to show this widow her value.
- Ta-da! - [KRYSTAL.]
Give me double, - and I'll grow it.
- You'd recruit? [KRYSTAL.]
I'll have Ernie signed up in a week.
Guys, my life is good.
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, what's the, uh, fine for gator poaching? Really? Ten thou? [KNOCKING.]
[CECE PENISTON'S "FINALLY" PLAYING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns! Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns! Shake those hips! - Cannonball! - Squeeze those buns! [DISTORTED, ECHOING GASP.]
- Ah! Oh, my God! - [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Get! Get out of here! - You, too.
- Losers.
All right! Keep it going.
No pain, no gain.
Twist twist twist, and squeeze those buns.
Squeeze squeeze - squeeze - [OBIE.]
People are terrified of no.
N-O.
Just two little letters, but hearing them brings a man face-to-face with his soul.
That's why Timmy is afraid to swing during the biggest at bat of his Little League life, and he cries in front of the girlie he's got a crush on.
That's why Martin keeps his mouth shut at his J-O-B when Johnny Big Stuff takes credit for Martin's idea and walks off with the big promotion.
[DISTANT CHATTER.]
It isn't the no that makes your life terrible.
It's the fear.
- Oh, shit.
- [ERNIE.]
Oh, it's all right.
It's all right.
I got it.
Oh.
Oh, thanks, Ernie.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Oh, it's wet.
[ERNIE.]
Full of water now.
Where you been, girl? Oh enjoying hotel room service.
Yeah.
My FAM business is booming, and my floors were just begging to be redone.
[LAUGHS.]
So Have you thought about it anymore? - Starting your own business? - [MAN OVER SPEAKERS.]
Ernie.
- Nacho tank two is - I'm sorry, I got - Yeah, I got this.
- I got to go.
Okay, thank you.
All right, all right, coming.
[OBIE.]
The fear.
The fear that you'll run and hide in a corner when it comes time to prove what you're made of.
The fear that you're weak.
Do you want to know what I say to the letters N-O? Ask Dave Dingle in Memphis, Tennessee.
Go ask Dave.
Dave Dingle told me, "No, you can't take my wife dancing in the Dominican," and I said, "Thank you, Dave.
" - Bonar? - Yes? Your dad won't see you.
Disagree.
He will see me this time.
[POUNDS ON GLASS.]
[OBIE.]
Thank you, Dave Dingle.
Ha! Ha-ha! Thank you, Dave Dingle! Thank you for giving me drive.
Thank you, Dave Dingle, for volunteering yourself as my target.
[OVER EARPHONES.]
I will destroy your no.
I will crush your no into powder, and I will [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
- Your no is music - [MAN.]
Uh, keep walking, boy.
[OBIE.]
to my ears, and Mrs.
Dingle and I will dance the bachata to it.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING.]
- Come on! Let me feel it! Come on! Let me feel your yes! My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no, because that means I am close to a yes.
[LATIN SONG PLAYING OVER EARPHONES.]
[CLICKS.]
[TAPE REWINDING.]
[OBIE.]
And I will sift it all over my yes-flavored dessert.
Ha! - [BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Your no is-is music to my ears, - [SNIFFLES.]
- and Mrs.
Dingle and I will dance the bachata to it.
- Come on! - [MOUTHING.]
Let me feel it! Let me feel your yes! Come on! Let me feel your yes! My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no, because that means I am close to a yes.
[COFFEE POURING.]
Hi, Stan.
I've been working on these - on my breaks.
- Mm-hmm.
Billboard ideas for Splashercize.
Could really draw some crowds in off the interstate.
"Wet Sweat.
" "Wave Goodbye to Your Fat.
" "Make a Splash in Your Bikini.
" No.
No? You didn't even look at 'em.
Hey, this helps you, too.
We got, like, three people coming into class every day.
Don't you want more? The point of paying you two dollars a head is that you do the advertising.
If that's not enough, well, that's your problem.
Well, I can't live in the stockroom forever.
You're right, you can't.
So you're not gonna help me out? You're just gonna let me starve? [CHUCKLES.]
Starve, huh? Don't think I haven't noticed all those hot dogs that have gone missing lately.
What do you expect me to eat? Look, I am the only one that is helping you right now, okay? So don't point your finger at me.
Point it at yourself.
What the fuck does that mean? You shot those gators, right? You got caught.
You had to go and pay that poaching fine.
And if that means you're without a house, well, that's your fault.
It was my house or jail! I couldn't go to jail.
Here's the thing.
You get yourself all worked up in a tizzy, and then you do something rash.
You've got a temper.
And you've got your head up your ass! Have a great night.
Thank you! [DESTINEE CRYING OVER BABY MONITOR.]
Shit.
[DESTINEE CRYING LOUDLY.]
[CRYING STOPS.]
Okay.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
- [FUSSING.]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh [CONTINUES SHUSHING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[DESTINEE COOING, FUSSING.]
[MARGE.]
How pretty! Oh.
Hey, Marge.
Uh, first of the day.
I should get a prize.
Could I trouble you for a restroom? Morning coffee just turns me into a hose.
Oh, well, renovations on the house are in full swing, so - water's shut off.
- Can't wait to see it.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
[HORN HONKS.]
- Do you mind? - Course.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
No.
We're throwing a rally.
It'll be a real morale boost.
I don't have time for rallies.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- I don't have time for you not to have time, okay? I've got to get to the ballroom ASAP.
There are curtains to hang, balloons to fill, streamers - to stream - Our deal was that I do this and you pay me that's it.
And only until I get my house back.
Our deal was that you were gonna stick to the deal.
Have you locked down Ernie? Well, Krystal, you haven't even done the distro.
What do you want? A handout? Okay, okay, here's a handout.
Here's another.
I don't have any more hands to put out.
Looks like you might have to actually do some work.
- Huh? - Ernie's in the process, okay? And what do you mean, I'm not doing the distro? What's all this, then? Well, Carol says that order right there has been just sitting there like that for weeks.
Carol needs to mind her fucking business.
Well, Carol is gonna be here any minute to check on you, so cool your beak on the freaks if you ever want to get paid again.
Hmm? Well, why hasn't this Mimi lady been picking up her orders? [GROANS.]
Travis used to personally deliver that one, okay? Why? That's not the system.
[SIGHS.]
Why would he personally deliver something, Cody? I'm already behind schedule.
I've got choreography to learn.
Ask Carol.
Look what I got! Rally tickets.
[KRYSTAL.]
Yeah.
Sell them to your downline.
[KIDS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING PLAYFULLY.]
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
Ugh.
Come on.
Not the "boobs" kid again.
Does the park seem different recently? Well, the smell sure has improved, that's for sure.
Yes, it has, but that's not really what I'm getting at here.
You know, I used to come out here as a boy.
My father would walk his grounds, and everybody would wave at him.
"Hello, Harry," they'd say.
They were his friends.
They were our neighbors.
Now I look out from my office, and I don't recognize the faces.
I don't recognize the park.
Well, you just got to get out here more.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hola, Garcia.
[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH.]
- Hey.
Hola.
- Hola.
- [GIRL.]
Hi.
- [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
Hello.
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
It's like you don't even see what's happening around you.
And it's your job, to see.
Y-You know, I'm-I'm I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to be l-looking at.
[CHUCKLES.]
Our guests.
I just I want our old guests back.
You know, a little less Benetton, a little more Ralph Lauren.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, I-I get it.
- I get it, I get it.
- Yes.
Good.
[SIGHS.]
W Well, you know, generally, uh people don't wear shirts, so is this a bathing suit issue? I just need you to bring it All right.
Call it, um Suburban Outreach.
Huh? - Hmm? Here, take these - Ah.
Yeah.
Half-off passes.
Go to the malls, go to the zoo, and you give those to affluents, people that live in cul-de-sacs.
Just make it my father's park again.
You got it, Stan.
All right.
Get that shit off.
[CHEERING, LAUGHTER.]
Oh, honey, the Garbeau System can make any man feel like a stallion.
Now, of course, I don't worry about my own stallion, because he's getting an all-you-can-eat hay buffet at home.
Oh.
Come on.
Personal drop-offs? Late-night counseling sessions? Overnight seminars three towns over.
Oh.
These men like to make you think they're working hard, but Oh.
Travis barely had energy for me and Destinee.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why, of course.
Of course, right.
Travis was a good man, a loyal man.
I'm sure there's no reason to worry about this Mimi Waldenstock.
Oh.
We're gonna hang out while Mama and Mimi have a nice chat.
[CAROL CHUCKLES.]
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[EXHALES.]
My injection is not until next week.
Oh.
Mimi? Yeah.
Oh.
I I've got your FAM orders.
They're just taking up space in my yard.
Oh, honey.
You're Travis's wife.
Oh, come on in.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Mm.
Oh.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- I wanted to be at the funeral.
But my spine is crushing in on itself.
It's stenosis.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Oh, y you are stunning, like Travis said.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'll show you where Travis always put the stuff.
[CHUCKLES.]
How exactly did you know Travis? [LAUGHS.]
I taught him tenth grade history.
Twice.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, he was a real charmer.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Where's all your FAM stuff? It's out here.
You can put it wherever you like.
Huh.
Why do you keep ordering this stuff just to dump it out here? Oh, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm just storing it.
It's all Travis's.
He bought it.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
- Are we feeling it, people? - [MAN.]
Hey, it's Cody.
- [LAUGHING.]
Let me feel it.
- [MAN.]
Oh, my gosh, he's here.
- Hi, sir.
Good to see you.
- Good to see you, Mr.
Bonar.
- Oh, hi.
- [MAN.]
That's him.
- [GIGGLES.]
- [MAN.]
That's him.
- Beautiful.
Beautiful! - [WOMAN.]
Hey, Cody.
Hey.
What the frick, people? I can't prepare the rally - if I can't feel the rally.
- [SNAPS FINGERS.]
- Huh? - Yeah.
- Come on, let me feel it.
- What a pleasure.
- Right? Give me heat! - Whoo! - Energy.
Yes! - Yeah! Give me 200 motivation-starved IBOs just begging to get what I'm cooking up out of Mr.
Garbeau's cookbook.
Yeah! Sorry, that wasn't it.
- Well, find it! Quickly.
- Yes, sir.
- Come on! - Come on, come on.
- Let me feel it! - Oh, yes.
- Let me feel your yes! - Whoo! - Come on, people.
- Yes! Yes! - More.
More.
Let me feel it.
- [SCATTERED EXCLAMATIONS.]
- What? I can't hear you! - [CHANTING.]
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! - I can't hear you! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yes! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You know, if an elephant could fit on our waterslide, it would definitely go down it.
[LAUGHS.]
H-Here.
Half-off passes, good for the whole season.
- [MAN.]
Thanks.
- Thank you.
[SLOW, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
- Afternoon.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey.
You know, if a chameleon were to come to our water park, its best camouflage would be a huge smile.
Here, half off.
Good for the whole season.
Really, it's free.
Okay.
Half off.
Good for the whole season.
- Rebel Rapids.
- That place sucks.
Rebel Rapids.
Half off.
Good for the whole season, sir.
Thank you.
That's my house out there.
[MIMI.]
Couldn't you resell the stuff? [KRYSTAL SCOFFS.]
It's worthless.
Oh, it must have some value.
Travis bought so much.
Oh, honey, I Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I don't need your pity right now.
It's not pity.
It's an apology.
Every time he came around, there was some new story, some-some plan for the two of you.
Uh, taking you to Bali, putting Destinee in private school.
You don't vacation in Bali i-if it's not working, you know? Oh.
Oh.
They told him to buy this crap, just 'cause they said to.
He wanted to believe so bad, he did whatever they told him to, no matter what.
[AIR HISSES.]
No matter what.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yes.
Nice, Cody.
Mm.
[COUGHS.]
Can't breathe back here.
Well, that's the optimal spot for stagecraft.
[KISSINGER COUGHING.]
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Cody! Cody? [MUSIC STOPS.]
[KISSINGER COUGHING.]
Can you turn that off, please? Thank you.
Wow.
I sold 30 tickets to my downline today.
Hey! That's great.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Wow.
But what I'd really love is to speak at the rally.
What would you say? I would talk about how my upline has affected my life.
Mr.
Garbeau says that's what every great speech is really about.
[LAUGHS.]
Great.
Great.
Let's keep going.
[SEABIRDS SCREECHING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[MAN ON TV.]
So get those poles out and fire those boats up.
Back to you, Johnny.
[JOHNNY.]
And now it's time for "Mirta's Minute.
" [MIRTA.]
Local teens say goodbye to the streets and hello to the beats, live from Tickseed Park.
Don't miss "Mirta's Minute," coming up at the top of the hour.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[ISAAC.]
Mirta.
Uh, Mirta.
[MAN.]
Ready to go.
Ready? - [ISAAC.]
Five - [MAN.]
Let's do this.
[ISAAC.]
four - three - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[MAN.]
Yeah.
I'm Mirta Herrara, live, bringing you One Minute on hip-hop youth but with a positive spin.
- [MAN GRUNTS.]
- Yes.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- [MAN.]
All right, now.
- [MAN 2.]
Go ahead, slim.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[JUDD.]
Okay, coming through.
Uh, p-please.
I-I'm coming through.
- Please, can you move? - [ISAAC.]
Jesus.
Coming through, please.
Can you move? - I have something I need to say.
- [MAN.]
What is he doing? [ISAAC.]
Sir? Sir? - Please.
All right, sir.
- Papa misses you.
- Please, come home.
- We need you out of the shot.
Sir, please.
- FAM took my family.
- [ISAAC STAMMERS.]
- Get him off the stage.
- Obie Garbeau took my family.
- Okay, just - He took my family.
- Yeah, just focus on the dancers.
- He took them! He brainwashed them! He turned them against me! I don't even know where they are.
- [MAN.]
Cut the music.
- Oh, Jesus.
[JUDD.]
Daddy's looking for you.
- Daddy won't give up.
- [MAN.]
Uh.
- Uh-huh.
Back at it.
- [MAN 2.]
Yeah.
She makes the bed and he steals the covers She likes it neat and he makes a mess [BETS.]
Hey, Ernie? I know he's, he's only nine, but do you think that he's already I like to smoke Things in common? There just ain't one Oh, God forgive.
But when we get to [IMITATES SIREN.]
Dad alarm.
Hi.
Mom found this while she was cleaning your room.
[SIGHS.]
We-we don't have to talk about it.
But-but we can if you want to.
All right.
Um Listen, just, um know that I love you.
And if there's e-ever anything that you need to talk about I'm-I'm always here for you.
Always.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I take two steps forward I take two steps back We come together 'cause opposites attract And you know, it ain't fiction Just a natural fact We come together 'cause opposites attract Who'd-a thought, ah - - [KRYSTAL.]
My husband spent all our money on a product he didn't use.
Because he wanted to climb the FAM ranks to a point that it would make us rich.
Well, there's no riches coming to me now.
Nothing.
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
[SOFTLY.]
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
- [DESTINEE FUSSES.]
- "Maybe you're just lazy.
" "Maybe you're just a stinker thinker.
" Bullcrap.
You're going You're going broke for a lie.
If the Garbeau System worked, I wouldn't be broke.
If the system worked, I wouldn't be sleeping in a closet.
Now, you're all going broke for a lie.
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[KICKS DOOR.]
Locked out.
My baby and I sleep in a fucking roach closet.
[SIGHS.]
[SOFTLY.]
Oh, shit.
Vendor contracts.
[STAN.]
Floating the lazy river towards implosion on a bright warm day.
Okay.
Stan's a poet.
Huh.
What the fuck? [QUIETLY.]
Wait, what the fuck? [MAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE.]
[KEYS JANGLE.]
[MAN CONTINUES SCREAMING.]
- [GASPS.]
- No! Oh! Oh, my God.
You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? Cleaning, uh, graffiti.
You wouldn't believe where these kids will spray-paint.
Are you okay, Ernie? Happy as a clam.
[CHUCKLES.]
You can tell me.
Nothing to tell.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie.
Whatever it is you're feeling, I guarantee I've felt worse.
Harold's head is all twisted in circles, and now he's touching himself, and I had to throw out the TV and [SIGHS.]
I'm so worried about him, you know? Now Stan's all up my crack, you know, about this Suburban Outreach program, and then I got all these half-off passes that I'm supposed to spread out.
And I'm just, you know, I'm just, I-I'm going I don't know what to do with them, but - Ernie, just-just breathe.
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
- Breathe and relax, okay? - Okay.
Okay.
- [EXHALES.]
- Okay.
[SIGHS.]
It's just all so much sometimes.
[EXHALES.]
Everything's gonna be okay.
Bring Harold to the park.
Have some fun together.
I-I don't want him to think that I care more about this place than I do him.
Why would he? You're a great dad.
A great one.
If either of us had you as a father, I know we'd be somewhere else right now.
And Stan can take a chill pill.
Thank you, Krystal.
Hey, Ernie? I'll help you.
Give me the passes.
Really? Aw, Krystal.
[KRYSTAL CHUCKLES.]
You're one of the nicest people I've ever met in my whole life.
Thanks, Ernie.
- Good night.
- Night.
[JUDD.]
This is Judd Waltrip.
[MAN OVER PHONE.]
Now's not a good time.
I know he's there.
Put Obie Garbeau the fucking Second on the fucking phone.
- Do it! - The best I can do is take a message.
I know I'm on speaker, Obie.
I can hear it in the timbre.
Mr.
Garbeau isn't in the office right now.
You're a liar! I promise I will never write another word.
I-I just wanted to talk to them.
Please deposit five cents for the next three minutes.
- If five cents is not deposited - You can't do this to me! I know things! I can fuck up your whole life! Randy.
Put these over there, please.
Audio equipment.
If the recording turns out well, Mr.
Garbeau would like to consider distributing it as a tape.
[PHONES RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
Phones haven't stopped ringing.
- Biggest response we've ever gotten - [SNIFFS.]
to a "Mirta's Minute.
" Public loves a kook.
It's not our viewers.
All the calls are from these people.
They're upset.
One guy threatened to mail me a turkey sandwich every day until the network airs a retraction.
I don't understand what that means.
So stop answering the phone.
Aren't you tired of doing stories with a positive spin? I've been calling around.
There's a rally in town tonight.
- Not gonna happen.
- Come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
How long have we been doing "Mirta's Minute" now? [SIGHS.]
How did this guy turn to that? He's a crazy person, Isaac.
He might not even have a family.
Or maybe he pushed them away with a crippling drug addiction.
Fuck you.
- I have disc problems.
- Oh.
Do you want your back to hurt doing "Mirta's Minute" or 60 Minutes? [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
- If you can dream it, we can do it.
- Excuse me.
[MAN.]
Silver Jeffersons incoming.
Step aside, please.
Step aside, please.
Thank you.
[CROWD.]
If you dream it, we can do it.
If you dream it, we can do it.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me.
- I'm with the press.
- Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Okay.
Oh, excuse me.
Sir.
I'm Mirta Herrera.
I'm here for an interview.
I reserve one-on-one coaching for Franklin-level entrepreneurs.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
You'll have to wait for general admission.
[CROWD.]
If you can dream it, we can - Y'all ready? - [CROWD.]
Yeah! - All right.
- All right.
[MAN.]
How you doing out there, FAM? [WOMAN.]
They know what time it is.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
- Uh, ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong Well, I used to be so woebegone, ding-dong [CROWD SINGING ALONG.]
Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong I finally found my FAM and the lights came on - She'll sleep through it okay.
- Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Thank you, Betty.
[MAN.]
I'm making that climb He was tr Oh, sorry.
[SIGHS.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE.]
[WHISPERS.]
Emergency test.
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong [MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE.]
[MUTTERS QUIETLY.]
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong, ding-dong - Ding-dong Oh.
There you are.
Whatever it is, make it quick.
I'm on after this ding-dong sing-along.
That's exactly it.
No, you're not.
I'm sorry.
I'm not explaining this well at all.
Let me start over.
Mr.
Garbeau is recording tonight.
He's gonna put my speech out as a tape, so I'm the only one who's gonna speak.
Can you believe it? - Cody, that's - [SIGHS.]
My own Garbeau tape.
Hey, Cody? I-I I want to give you something.
Just to celebrate your big moment.
Really? Yeah.
You've taught me so much about about the system, about the importance of upline, about trust.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Do you trust me, Cody? You're my number one mentee.
But do you trust me? Yeah.
[QUIETLY.]
Good.
[WHISPERING.]
Okay, come on.
Follow me.
- [DOOR CREAKS.]
- Shh.
Okay.
Almost there.
All right.
Stay just like that.
Okay.
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong - [LOCK CLICKS.]
- Ding-dong, ding-dong Ding-dong [SIGHS.]
- You got this.
- [CROWD CHEERING.]
K-Krystal? [DOOR HANDLE RATTLES.]
- Oh.
Krystal? - [KNOCKS.]
What-what-what is it you want to give me? [CHEERING CONTINUES.]
Checks, hugs and rock and roll.
Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
All right, folks.
Krystal? Krystal? Krystal! Krystal! Krystal! - [KISSINGER.]
Are we ready - Hey! to talk some business?! [CROWD CHANTING.]
Let's talk business! - Let's talk business! - [KISSINGER.]
Yes! Let's talk business.
Our next speaker needs no introduction.
- He is the man you c - Hi.
Thank you.
Hey, y'all.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
My husband Travis was at an AA meeting when I found out I had a baby in my belly.
He was trying, but trying just meant he cried when he started drinking again.
I showed him the pregnancy test, and I told him I wouldn't raise a child with a drunk.
A week later, Travis came home with a FAM starter kit - and told me - [GASPING.]
"I found it.
" [APPLAUSE.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
FAM became everything to Travis More than liquor, even - Because FAM made him feel good.
- [WOMAN.]
Aw.
And for a while, that was great.
But Travis chased that feeling into the swamp and never came out.
[SIGHS.]
Travis gave everything to FAM.
His nights.
Our money.
His life.
When Travis got eaten by that gator, I lost everything.
You don't know how scared you are until you're looking at your baby and wondering where she's gonna sleep that night.
[SNIFFLES.]
[CODY.]
Krystal! I looked at my life after Travis died.
At bills, debts, loneliness.
At the vultures.
At my screaming baby and at my empty stomach, and I was terrified.
And then I looked at the at the business Travis built.
[WOMAN.]
Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
And I was excited! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
Who is that? That's the alligator widow.
Travis, - he left me a widow - [PANTING.]
but he also left me a future.
- [CHEERING.]
- He left me an opportunity.
Now, Travis always said, - "Go-getters go get.
" - Give me your jacket.
Well, I got out there, and I got mine, all right.
I found myself two plump gators, and I shot 'em in the face.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
And then I skinned 'em, I tanned 'em, and I pulled myself up by my bootstraps.
And you better believe they were alligator skin boots.
[LOUD CHEERING.]
I'm doing so well, in fact I said I'm doing so well, in fact [CROWD.]
How well? I'm doing so well that I spend all the time I want in the pool.
- [CHEERING.]
- Living the life of Riley.
Yeah! And while I'm in there, I might as well be getting my exercise in.
Am I right, girls? [WOMEN CHEERING.]
Now, I'm not a selfish person.
I know what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
- Am I right? - [CROWD MURMURING ASSENT.]
So I give back - every night.
- [WOMAN WHOOPS.]
[CROWD.]
Every night! - Every night! - Every night! - Every night! - Every night! Every night! Every night! - Every night! - I give back every night, teaching Splashercize down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped to go out there and recruit! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- Uh-huh! It's the key to my success! They told my husband to give everything he had.
And he did, so I could get up here and tell y'all that Travis's dream, my dream, didn't end in the swamp.
- [WOMAN.]
No! - It lives on in the pool.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
[OPTIMISTIC MUSIC.]
Now, I'm teaching a class tomorrow, bright and early.
[SINGSONGY.]
Who's interested? I've got half off.
[CHEERING.]
[CLAMORING.]
- Me! - I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
Here, pass 'em around.
Here you go.
Have-have the rest.
Now, settle down, 'cause our next speaker is closer than family to me.
He's my upline, Mr.
Cody Bonar! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- [MAN.]
Cody! [CROWD CHANTING.]
Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody [QUIETLY.]
Mentorship from the best.
[CHEERING CONTINUES.]
[APPLAUSE STOPS.]
Now, that is a millionaire in waiting! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Wow! [CHEERING CONTINUES.]
- [LAUGHING.]
- [CHEERING.]
[OBIE.]
People are hesitant to say yes, but they are terrified to say no.
Terrified of what they might miss out on.
Terrified of what they might not have.
Come on! Join us! Hey, Dad, can I go? Yeah, sure.
[OBIE.]
Which is why they say "what if.
" What if I won the lottery? What if I could date the prom queen? What if I could make my dreams come true? [WHOOPING.]
[DISTORTED.]
Come on! [OBIE.]
But a winner doesn't say "what if.
" A winner says - "when I.
" - Yeah! [WHOOPS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Come on! Everybody in! Come on, Ernie! [OBIE.]
Because "what if" is a pipe dream.
"When I" is a promise.
- Ernie! Ernie! Ernie! - You give me your pipe dream - Come on, Dad! - and I'll make you - a promise.
- All right! All right! You give me your yes, and I'll give you the world.
[DISTORTED.]
Eyes on me! [NORMAL.]
Okay, and push! Out! Push! Push! Right in front of my face Finally you've come along Up! Up! Push! Push! And we're touching our toes, touching our toes, touching our toes, touching our toes.
Pray it down.
Pray it down.
And push.
Push.
And touch.
Touch.
Touch.
Up.
Push.
Finally it's happened to me Right in front of my face And I just cannot hide it Finally Hey.
Where did all those people come from, huh? That much excitement in this park's never been a good thing.
Hey, I'm a walking billboard, Stan.
I only cost you two bucks a head.
How'd you do that? [SIGHS.]
I have access to people.
Suburban people.
They listen to what I have to say, - no matter what.
- Okay.
But they're gonna want FAM goods stocked here.
Now, I have a big order I can fulfill - for you immediately.
- Oh, my God.
But when that runs out, if those FAM folks don't see more FAM products, they're gonna stop showing up.
If this is some sort of joke, I'm not laughing.
Now, I have been very nice to you, and if you think you can just walk in here, say what you want about your goddamn FAM, that's not What are you No, don't! God! That's not what, um That's my father's.
[SIGHS.]
Shit.
You know, a lot of employees have been getting sick lately, - and, uh, it's just a hygiene issue - Shh! Buy the inventory.
Re-up through me.
Spackle your little eye-spy here.
You get to keep boosted ticket sales, I get my house back.
Win-win.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
$196 for 93 Splashercizers today, and a check for all this FAM inventory.
I thought we agreed on $10,027.
I'm not gonna write another one.
Pleasure doing business with you, Stan.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
How was it? It was weird.
But it's just another get-rich-quick thing.
Oh, I think I might have met the turkey sandwich guy.
Gave me investment advice.
Not much of a story there though.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Well, well, thanks for checking it out.
There was this alligator widow lady though.
It'd be a hell of a "Minute.
" [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Yeah.
Cool.
Let's talk b [GROANS.]
Be lovers if we can't be friends? [SINGING ALONG.]
How can we start over When the fighting never ends You hungry, little fella? All right, hold on.
How can we be lovers [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, wait.
[GASPS.]
Oh, shit! [PARROT SCREECHING.]
Ah, damn, where's the fire extinguisher? [SHOUTS.]
Oh, damn! What the fuck?! Oh, shit.
[SCREECHING.]
Come on.
C-Come on, little fella, come on.
Hey, there you go, there you go, there you go.
[SHOUTS.]
Oh, shit.
[WHIMPERS.]
Mr.
Crackers! We can work it out How can we be lovers [SHOUTS.]
How can we start over when the fighting never ends? How can we make love if we can't make amends - [ENGINE STARTS.]
- [TAPE CLICKS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
I give back every night, teaching Splashercize down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[KEYS JANGLE.]
Howdy, neighbor.
Welcome back.
- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Renovations done? Yeah.
Huh.
Wow.
Eh, looks the same to me.
That's how you know they did good.
Wow! They did amazing work.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look when-when Harold and I were in that pool together, splish, splash, I was having a blast.
[CHUCKLES.]
I-I don't know much about FAM, okay? But I do know how I felt when I was in there.
I felt surrounded.
Surrounded by love and positivity, by family.
Like a warm blanket.
That's what I've been missing.
It's what Harold needs.
Yeah.
I want in.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
I want to be part of the FAM.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, Ernie.
Yeah? We'll get you set up.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
[QUIETLY.]
Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- You, too.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
[SIGHS.]
He was my workhorse.
Well, keep the wife.
[CODY.]
She can be very negative, sir.
I want to talk about Travis's business in light of the tragedy.
- Are those? - What do you want, Cody? I'm from Sunshine Repo, and your husband, rest his soul He has a few things that technically belong to the bank.
Well, it looks like one of your mortgages is past due.
Wait, what? "One of"? I need a raise, an advance, something.
[STAN.]
Water-obics needs a new instructor.
[BUZZ.]
My daughter Becca, she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
[KRYSTAL.]
I'm, like, one bad day from losing my house.
That's called "surrendering your leverage.
" Is that what you called it when you were trading tiaras for tug jobs? Give her an upline bonus.
Use the value of your business to show this widow her value.
- Ta-da! - [KRYSTAL.]
Give me double, - and I'll grow it.
- You'd recruit? [KRYSTAL.]
I'll have Ernie signed up in a week.
Guys, my life is good.
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, what's the, uh, fine for gator poaching? Really? Ten thou? [KNOCKING.]
[CECE PENISTON'S "FINALLY" PLAYING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns! Shake those hips! Squeeze those buns! Shake those hips! - Cannonball! - Squeeze those buns! [DISTORTED, ECHOING GASP.]
- Ah! Oh, my God! - [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
Get! Get out of here! - You, too.
- Losers.
All right! Keep it going.
No pain, no gain.
Twist twist twist, and squeeze those buns.
Squeeze squeeze - squeeze - [OBIE.]
People are terrified of no.
N-O.
Just two little letters, but hearing them brings a man face-to-face with his soul.
That's why Timmy is afraid to swing during the biggest at bat of his Little League life, and he cries in front of the girlie he's got a crush on.
That's why Martin keeps his mouth shut at his J-O-B when Johnny Big Stuff takes credit for Martin's idea and walks off with the big promotion.
[DISTANT CHATTER.]
It isn't the no that makes your life terrible.
It's the fear.
- Oh, shit.
- [ERNIE.]
Oh, it's all right.
It's all right.
I got it.
Oh.
Oh, thanks, Ernie.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Oh, it's wet.
[ERNIE.]
Full of water now.
Where you been, girl? Oh enjoying hotel room service.
Yeah.
My FAM business is booming, and my floors were just begging to be redone.
[LAUGHS.]
So Have you thought about it anymore? - Starting your own business? - [MAN OVER SPEAKERS.]
Ernie.
- Nacho tank two is - I'm sorry, I got - Yeah, I got this.
- I got to go.
Okay, thank you.
All right, all right, coming.
[OBIE.]
The fear.
The fear that you'll run and hide in a corner when it comes time to prove what you're made of.
The fear that you're weak.
Do you want to know what I say to the letters N-O? Ask Dave Dingle in Memphis, Tennessee.
Go ask Dave.
Dave Dingle told me, "No, you can't take my wife dancing in the Dominican," and I said, "Thank you, Dave.
" - Bonar? - Yes? Your dad won't see you.
Disagree.
He will see me this time.
[POUNDS ON GLASS.]
[OBIE.]
Thank you, Dave Dingle.
Ha! Ha-ha! Thank you, Dave Dingle! Thank you for giving me drive.
Thank you, Dave Dingle, for volunteering yourself as my target.
[OVER EARPHONES.]
I will destroy your no.
I will crush your no into powder, and I will [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
- Your no is music - [MAN.]
Uh, keep walking, boy.
[OBIE.]
to my ears, and Mrs.
Dingle and I will dance the bachata to it.
- [CRYING, SNIFFLING.]
- Come on! Let me feel it! Come on! Let me feel your yes! My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no, because that means I am close to a yes.
[LATIN SONG PLAYING OVER EARPHONES.]
[CLICKS.]
[TAPE REWINDING.]
[OBIE.]
And I will sift it all over my yes-flavored dessert.
Ha! - [BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
- Your no is-is music to my ears, - [SNIFFLES.]
- and Mrs.
Dingle and I will dance the bachata to it.
- Come on! - [MOUTHING.]
Let me feel it! Let me feel your yes! Come on! Let me feel your yes! My favorite thing to hear is no.
My favorite thing to hear is no, because that means I am close to a yes.
[COFFEE POURING.]
Hi, Stan.
I've been working on these - on my breaks.
- Mm-hmm.
Billboard ideas for Splashercize.
Could really draw some crowds in off the interstate.
"Wet Sweat.
" "Wave Goodbye to Your Fat.
" "Make a Splash in Your Bikini.
" No.
No? You didn't even look at 'em.
Hey, this helps you, too.
We got, like, three people coming into class every day.
Don't you want more? The point of paying you two dollars a head is that you do the advertising.
If that's not enough, well, that's your problem.
Well, I can't live in the stockroom forever.
You're right, you can't.
So you're not gonna help me out? You're just gonna let me starve? [CHUCKLES.]
Starve, huh? Don't think I haven't noticed all those hot dogs that have gone missing lately.
What do you expect me to eat? Look, I am the only one that is helping you right now, okay? So don't point your finger at me.
Point it at yourself.
What the fuck does that mean? You shot those gators, right? You got caught.
You had to go and pay that poaching fine.
And if that means you're without a house, well, that's your fault.
It was my house or jail! I couldn't go to jail.
Here's the thing.
You get yourself all worked up in a tizzy, and then you do something rash.
You've got a temper.
And you've got your head up your ass! Have a great night.
Thank you! [DESTINEE CRYING OVER BABY MONITOR.]
Shit.
[DESTINEE CRYING LOUDLY.]
[CRYING STOPS.]
Okay.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
- [FUSSING.]
- Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh [CONTINUES SHUSHING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[DESTINEE COOING, FUSSING.]
[MARGE.]
How pretty! Oh.
Hey, Marge.
Uh, first of the day.
I should get a prize.
Could I trouble you for a restroom? Morning coffee just turns me into a hose.
Oh, well, renovations on the house are in full swing, so - water's shut off.
- Can't wait to see it.
[VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
[HORN HONKS.]
- Do you mind? - Course.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
No.
We're throwing a rally.
It'll be a real morale boost.
I don't have time for rallies.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
- I don't have time for you not to have time, okay? I've got to get to the ballroom ASAP.
There are curtains to hang, balloons to fill, streamers - to stream - Our deal was that I do this and you pay me that's it.
And only until I get my house back.
Our deal was that you were gonna stick to the deal.
Have you locked down Ernie? Well, Krystal, you haven't even done the distro.
What do you want? A handout? Okay, okay, here's a handout.
Here's another.
I don't have any more hands to put out.
Looks like you might have to actually do some work.
- Huh? - Ernie's in the process, okay? And what do you mean, I'm not doing the distro? What's all this, then? Well, Carol says that order right there has been just sitting there like that for weeks.
Carol needs to mind her fucking business.
Well, Carol is gonna be here any minute to check on you, so cool your beak on the freaks if you ever want to get paid again.
Hmm? Well, why hasn't this Mimi lady been picking up her orders? [GROANS.]
Travis used to personally deliver that one, okay? Why? That's not the system.
[SIGHS.]
Why would he personally deliver something, Cody? I'm already behind schedule.
I've got choreography to learn.
Ask Carol.
Look what I got! Rally tickets.
[KRYSTAL.]
Yeah.
Sell them to your downline.
[KIDS LAUGHING AND CHATTERING PLAYFULLY.]
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
Ugh.
Come on.
Not the "boobs" kid again.
Does the park seem different recently? Well, the smell sure has improved, that's for sure.
Yes, it has, but that's not really what I'm getting at here.
You know, I used to come out here as a boy.
My father would walk his grounds, and everybody would wave at him.
"Hello, Harry," they'd say.
They were his friends.
They were our neighbors.
Now I look out from my office, and I don't recognize the faces.
I don't recognize the park.
Well, you just got to get out here more.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hola, Garcia.
[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH.]
- Hey.
Hola.
- Hola.
- [GIRL.]
Hi.
- [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
Hello.
[BELL RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
It's like you don't even see what's happening around you.
And it's your job, to see.
Y-You know, I'm-I'm I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to be l-looking at.
[CHUCKLES.]
Our guests.
I just I want our old guests back.
You know, a little less Benetton, a little more Ralph Lauren.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay, I-I get it.
- I get it, I get it.
- Yes.
Good.
[SIGHS.]
W Well, you know, generally, uh people don't wear shirts, so is this a bathing suit issue? I just need you to bring it All right.
Call it, um Suburban Outreach.
Huh? - Hmm? Here, take these - Ah.
Yeah.
Half-off passes.
Go to the malls, go to the zoo, and you give those to affluents, people that live in cul-de-sacs.
Just make it my father's park again.
You got it, Stan.
All right.
Get that shit off.
[CHEERING, LAUGHTER.]
Oh, honey, the Garbeau System can make any man feel like a stallion.
Now, of course, I don't worry about my own stallion, because he's getting an all-you-can-eat hay buffet at home.
Oh.
Come on.
Personal drop-offs? Late-night counseling sessions? Overnight seminars three towns over.
Oh.
These men like to make you think they're working hard, but Oh.
Travis barely had energy for me and Destinee.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why, of course.
Of course, right.
Travis was a good man, a loyal man.
I'm sure there's no reason to worry about this Mimi Waldenstock.
Oh.
We're gonna hang out while Mama and Mimi have a nice chat.
[CAROL CHUCKLES.]
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[EXHALES.]
My injection is not until next week.
Oh.
Mimi? Yeah.
Oh.
I I've got your FAM orders.
They're just taking up space in my yard.
Oh, honey.
You're Travis's wife.
Oh, come on in.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Mm.
Oh.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- I wanted to be at the funeral.
But my spine is crushing in on itself.
It's stenosis.
[CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Oh, y you are stunning, like Travis said.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'll show you where Travis always put the stuff.
[CHUCKLES.]
How exactly did you know Travis? [LAUGHS.]
I taught him tenth grade history.
Twice.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, he was a real charmer.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
Where's all your FAM stuff? It's out here.
You can put it wherever you like.
Huh.
Why do you keep ordering this stuff just to dump it out here? Oh, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm just storing it.
It's all Travis's.
He bought it.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
- Are we feeling it, people? - [MAN.]
Hey, it's Cody.
- [LAUGHING.]
Let me feel it.
- [MAN.]
Oh, my gosh, he's here.
- Hi, sir.
Good to see you.
- Good to see you, Mr.
Bonar.
- Oh, hi.
- [MAN.]
That's him.
- [GIGGLES.]
- [MAN.]
That's him.
- Beautiful.
Beautiful! - [WOMAN.]
Hey, Cody.
Hey.
What the frick, people? I can't prepare the rally - if I can't feel the rally.
- [SNAPS FINGERS.]
- Huh? - Yeah.
- Come on, let me feel it.
- What a pleasure.
- Right? Give me heat! - Whoo! - Energy.
Yes! - Yeah! Give me 200 motivation-starved IBOs just begging to get what I'm cooking up out of Mr.
Garbeau's cookbook.
Yeah! Sorry, that wasn't it.
- Well, find it! Quickly.
- Yes, sir.
- Come on! - Come on, come on.
- Let me feel it! - Oh, yes.
- Let me feel your yes! - Whoo! - Come on, people.
- Yes! Yes! - More.
More.
Let me feel it.
- [SCATTERED EXCLAMATIONS.]
- What? I can't hear you! - [CHANTING.]
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! - I can't hear you! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yes! - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You know, if an elephant could fit on our waterslide, it would definitely go down it.
[LAUGHS.]
H-Here.
Half-off passes, good for the whole season.
- [MAN.]
Thanks.
- Thank you.
[SLOW, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
- Afternoon.
- Yeah.
Oh, hey.
You know, if a chameleon were to come to our water park, its best camouflage would be a huge smile.
Here, half off.
Good for the whole season.
Really, it's free.
Okay.
Half off.
Good for the whole season.
- Rebel Rapids.
- That place sucks.
Rebel Rapids.
Half off.
Good for the whole season, sir.
Thank you.
That's my house out there.
[MIMI.]
Couldn't you resell the stuff? [KRYSTAL SCOFFS.]
It's worthless.
Oh, it must have some value.
Travis bought so much.
Oh, honey, I Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I don't need your pity right now.
It's not pity.
It's an apology.
Every time he came around, there was some new story, some-some plan for the two of you.
Uh, taking you to Bali, putting Destinee in private school.
You don't vacation in Bali i-if it's not working, you know? Oh.
Oh.
They told him to buy this crap, just 'cause they said to.
He wanted to believe so bad, he did whatever they told him to, no matter what.
[AIR HISSES.]
No matter what.
[BACHATA MUSIC PLAYING.]
Yes.
Nice, Cody.
Mm.
[COUGHS.]
Can't breathe back here.
Well, that's the optimal spot for stagecraft.
[KISSINGER COUGHING.]
[COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Cody! Cody? [MUSIC STOPS.]
[KISSINGER COUGHING.]
Can you turn that off, please? Thank you.
Wow.
I sold 30 tickets to my downline today.
Hey! That's great.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Wow.
But what I'd really love is to speak at the rally.
What would you say? I would talk about how my upline has affected my life.
Mr.
Garbeau says that's what every great speech is really about.
[LAUGHS.]
Great.
Great.
Let's keep going.
[SEABIRDS SCREECHING.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[MAN ON TV.]
So get those poles out and fire those boats up.
Back to you, Johnny.
[JOHNNY.]
And now it's time for "Mirta's Minute.
" [MIRTA.]
Local teens say goodbye to the streets and hello to the beats, live from Tickseed Park.
Don't miss "Mirta's Minute," coming up at the top of the hour.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[ISAAC.]
Mirta.
Uh, Mirta.
[MAN.]
Ready to go.
Ready? - [ISAAC.]
Five - [MAN.]
Let's do this.
[ISAAC.]
four - three - [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[MAN.]
Yeah.
I'm Mirta Herrara, live, bringing you One Minute on hip-hop youth but with a positive spin.
- [MAN GRUNTS.]
- Yes.
- That's right.
- Yeah.
- [MAN.]
All right, now.
- [MAN 2.]
Go ahead, slim.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[JUDD.]
Okay, coming through.
Uh, p-please.
I-I'm coming through.
- Please, can you move? - [ISAAC.]
Jesus.
Coming through, please.
Can you move? - I have something I need to say.
- [MAN.]
What is he doing? [ISAAC.]
Sir? Sir? - Please.
All right, sir.
- Papa misses you.
- Please, come home.
- We need you out of the shot.
Sir, please.
- FAM took my family.
- [ISAAC STAMMERS.]
- Get him off the stage.
- Obie Garbeau took my family.
- Okay, just - He took my family.
- Yeah, just focus on the dancers.
- He took them! He brainwashed them! He turned them against me! I don't even know where they are.
- [MAN.]
Cut the music.
- Oh, Jesus.
[JUDD.]
Daddy's looking for you.
- Daddy won't give up.
- [MAN.]
Uh.
- Uh-huh.
Back at it.
- [MAN 2.]
Yeah.
She makes the bed and he steals the covers She likes it neat and he makes a mess [BETS.]
Hey, Ernie? I know he's, he's only nine, but do you think that he's already I like to smoke Things in common? There just ain't one Oh, God forgive.
But when we get to [IMITATES SIREN.]
Dad alarm.
Hi.
Mom found this while she was cleaning your room.
[SIGHS.]
We-we don't have to talk about it.
But-but we can if you want to.
All right.
Um Listen, just, um know that I love you.
And if there's e-ever anything that you need to talk about I'm-I'm always here for you.
Always.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I take two steps forward I take two steps back We come together 'cause opposites attract And you know, it ain't fiction Just a natural fact We come together 'cause opposites attract Who'd-a thought, ah - - [KRYSTAL.]
My husband spent all our money on a product he didn't use.
Because he wanted to climb the FAM ranks to a point that it would make us rich.
Well, there's no riches coming to me now.
Nothing.
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
[SOFTLY.]
The Garbeau System doesn't work.
- [DESTINEE FUSSES.]
- "Maybe you're just lazy.
" "Maybe you're just a stinker thinker.
" Bullcrap.
You're going You're going broke for a lie.
If the Garbeau System worked, I wouldn't be broke.
If the system worked, I wouldn't be sleeping in a closet.
Now, you're all going broke for a lie.
[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[KICKS DOOR.]
Locked out.
My baby and I sleep in a fucking roach closet.
[SIGHS.]
[SOFTLY.]
Oh, shit.
Vendor contracts.
[STAN.]
Floating the lazy river towards implosion on a bright warm day.
Okay.
Stan's a poet.
Huh.
What the fuck? [QUIETLY.]
Wait, what the fuck? [MAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE.]
[KEYS JANGLE.]
[MAN CONTINUES SCREAMING.]
- [GASPS.]
- No! Oh! Oh, my God.
You scared the shit out of me.
- Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? Cleaning, uh, graffiti.
You wouldn't believe where these kids will spray-paint.
Are you okay, Ernie? Happy as a clam.
[CHUCKLES.]
You can tell me.
Nothing to tell.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie.
Whatever it is you're feeling, I guarantee I've felt worse.
Harold's head is all twisted in circles, and now he's touching himself, and I had to throw out the TV and [SIGHS.]
I'm so worried about him, you know? Now Stan's all up my crack, you know, about this Suburban Outreach program, and then I got all these half-off passes that I'm supposed to spread out.
And I'm just, you know, I'm just, I-I'm going I don't know what to do with them, but - Ernie, just-just breathe.
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
- Breathe and relax, okay? - Okay.
Okay.
- [EXHALES.]
- Okay.
[SIGHS.]
It's just all so much sometimes.
[EXHALES.]
Everything's gonna be okay.
Bring Harold to the park.
Have some fun together.
I-I don't want him to think that I care more about this place than I do him.
Why would he? You're a great dad.
A great one.
If either of us had you as a father, I know we'd be somewhere else right now.
And Stan can take a chill pill.
Thank you, Krystal.
Hey, Ernie? I'll help you.
Give me the passes.
Really? Aw, Krystal.
[KRYSTAL CHUCKLES.]
You're one of the nicest people I've ever met in my whole life.
Thanks, Ernie.
- Good night.
- Night.
[JUDD.]
This is Judd Waltrip.
[MAN OVER PHONE.]
Now's not a good time.
I know he's there.
Put Obie Garbeau the fucking Second on the fucking phone.
- Do it! - The best I can do is take a message.
I know I'm on speaker, Obie.
I can hear it in the timbre.
Mr.
Garbeau isn't in the office right now.
You're a liar! I promise I will never write another word.
I-I just wanted to talk to them.
Please deposit five cents for the next three minutes.
- If five cents is not deposited - You can't do this to me! I know things! I can fuck up your whole life! Randy.
Put these over there, please.
Audio equipment.
If the recording turns out well, Mr.
Garbeau would like to consider distributing it as a tape.
[PHONES RINGING IN DISTANCE.]
Phones haven't stopped ringing.
- Biggest response we've ever gotten - [SNIFFS.]
to a "Mirta's Minute.
" Public loves a kook.
It's not our viewers.
All the calls are from these people.
They're upset.
One guy threatened to mail me a turkey sandwich every day until the network airs a retraction.
I don't understand what that means.
So stop answering the phone.
Aren't you tired of doing stories with a positive spin? I've been calling around.
There's a rally in town tonight.
- Not gonna happen.
- Come on.
[CHUCKLES.]
How long have we been doing "Mirta's Minute" now? [SIGHS.]
How did this guy turn to that? He's a crazy person, Isaac.
He might not even have a family.
Or maybe he pushed them away with a crippling drug addiction.
Fuck you.
- I have disc problems.
- Oh.
Do you want your back to hurt doing "Mirta's Minute" or 60 Minutes? [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
- If you can dream it, we can do it.
- Excuse me.
[MAN.]
Silver Jeffersons incoming.
Step aside, please.
Step aside, please.
Thank you.
[CROWD.]
If you dream it, we can do it.
If you dream it, we can do it.
Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me.
- I'm with the press.
- Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
- Okay.
Oh, excuse me.
Sir.
I'm Mirta Herrera.
I'm here for an interview.
I reserve one-on-one coaching for Franklin-level entrepreneurs.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
You'll have to wait for general admission.
[CROWD.]
If you can dream it, we can - Y'all ready? - [CROWD.]
Yeah! - All right.
- All right.
[MAN.]
How you doing out there, FAM? [WOMAN.]
They know what time it is.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
- Uh, ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong Well, I used to be so woebegone, ding-dong [CROWD SINGING ALONG.]
Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong I finally found my FAM and the lights came on - She'll sleep through it okay.
- Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Thank you, Betty.
[MAN.]
I'm making that climb He was tr Oh, sorry.
[SIGHS.]
[MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE.]
[WHISPERS.]
Emergency test.
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong [MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE.]
[MUTTERS QUIETLY.]
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong - Ding-dong, ding-dong - Ding-dong Oh.
There you are.
Whatever it is, make it quick.
I'm on after this ding-dong sing-along.
That's exactly it.
No, you're not.
I'm sorry.
I'm not explaining this well at all.
Let me start over.
Mr.
Garbeau is recording tonight.
He's gonna put my speech out as a tape, so I'm the only one who's gonna speak.
Can you believe it? - Cody, that's - [SIGHS.]
My own Garbeau tape.
Hey, Cody? I-I I want to give you something.
Just to celebrate your big moment.
Really? Yeah.
You've taught me so much about about the system, about the importance of upline, about trust.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Do you trust me, Cody? You're my number one mentee.
But do you trust me? Yeah.
[QUIETLY.]
Good.
[WHISPERING.]
Okay, come on.
Follow me.
- [DOOR CREAKS.]
- Shh.
Okay.
Almost there.
All right.
Stay just like that.
Okay.
- Ding-dong - Ding-dong - [LOCK CLICKS.]
- Ding-dong, ding-dong Ding-dong [SIGHS.]
- You got this.
- [CROWD CHEERING.]
K-Krystal? [DOOR HANDLE RATTLES.]
- Oh.
Krystal? - [KNOCKS.]
What-what-what is it you want to give me? [CHEERING CONTINUES.]
Checks, hugs and rock and roll.
Huh? [CHUCKLES.]
All right, folks.
Krystal? Krystal? Krystal! Krystal! Krystal! - [KISSINGER.]
Are we ready - Hey! to talk some business?! [CROWD CHANTING.]
Let's talk business! - Let's talk business! - [KISSINGER.]
Yes! Let's talk business.
Our next speaker needs no introduction.
- He is the man you c - Hi.
Thank you.
Hey, y'all.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
My husband Travis was at an AA meeting when I found out I had a baby in my belly.
He was trying, but trying just meant he cried when he started drinking again.
I showed him the pregnancy test, and I told him I wouldn't raise a child with a drunk.
A week later, Travis came home with a FAM starter kit - and told me - [GASPING.]
"I found it.
" [APPLAUSE.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
FAM became everything to Travis More than liquor, even - Because FAM made him feel good.
- [WOMAN.]
Aw.
And for a while, that was great.
But Travis chased that feeling into the swamp and never came out.
[SIGHS.]
Travis gave everything to FAM.
His nights.
Our money.
His life.
When Travis got eaten by that gator, I lost everything.
You don't know how scared you are until you're looking at your baby and wondering where she's gonna sleep that night.
[SNIFFLES.]
[CODY.]
Krystal! I looked at my life after Travis died.
At bills, debts, loneliness.
At the vultures.
At my screaming baby and at my empty stomach, and I was terrified.
And then I looked at the at the business Travis built.
[WOMAN.]
Mm-hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
And I was excited! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
Who is that? That's the alligator widow.
Travis, - he left me a widow - [PANTING.]
but he also left me a future.
- [CHEERING.]
- He left me an opportunity.
Now, Travis always said, - "Go-getters go get.
" - Give me your jacket.
Well, I got out there, and I got mine, all right.
I found myself two plump gators, and I shot 'em in the face.
[CROWD CHEERING.]
And then I skinned 'em, I tanned 'em, and I pulled myself up by my bootstraps.
And you better believe they were alligator skin boots.
[LOUD CHEERING.]
I'm doing so well, in fact I said I'm doing so well, in fact [CROWD.]
How well? I'm doing so well that I spend all the time I want in the pool.
- [CHEERING.]
- Living the life of Riley.
Yeah! And while I'm in there, I might as well be getting my exercise in.
Am I right, girls? [WOMEN CHEERING.]
Now, I'm not a selfish person.
I know what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
- Am I right? - [CROWD MURMURING ASSENT.]
So I give back - every night.
- [WOMAN WHOOPS.]
[CROWD.]
Every night! - Every night! - Every night! - Every night! - Every night! Every night! Every night! - Every night! - I give back every night, teaching Splashercize down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped to go out there and recruit! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- Uh-huh! It's the key to my success! They told my husband to give everything he had.
And he did, so I could get up here and tell y'all that Travis's dream, my dream, didn't end in the swamp.
- [WOMAN.]
No! - It lives on in the pool.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
[OPTIMISTIC MUSIC.]
Now, I'm teaching a class tomorrow, bright and early.
[SINGSONGY.]
Who's interested? I've got half off.
[CHEERING.]
[CLAMORING.]
- Me! - I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
Here, pass 'em around.
Here you go.
Have-have the rest.
Now, settle down, 'cause our next speaker is closer than family to me.
He's my upline, Mr.
Cody Bonar! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- [MAN.]
Cody! [CROWD CHANTING.]
Cody, Cody, Cody, Cody [QUIETLY.]
Mentorship from the best.
[CHEERING CONTINUES.]
[APPLAUSE STOPS.]
Now, that is a millionaire in waiting! - [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE.]
- [LAUGHING.]
Wow! [CHEERING CONTINUES.]
- [LAUGHING.]
- [CHEERING.]
[OBIE.]
People are hesitant to say yes, but they are terrified to say no.
Terrified of what they might miss out on.
Terrified of what they might not have.
Come on! Join us! Hey, Dad, can I go? Yeah, sure.
[OBIE.]
Which is why they say "what if.
" What if I won the lottery? What if I could date the prom queen? What if I could make my dreams come true? [WHOOPING.]
[DISTORTED.]
Come on! [OBIE.]
But a winner doesn't say "what if.
" A winner says - "when I.
" - Yeah! [WHOOPS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Come on! Everybody in! Come on, Ernie! [OBIE.]
Because "what if" is a pipe dream.
"When I" is a promise.
- Ernie! Ernie! Ernie! - You give me your pipe dream - Come on, Dad! - and I'll make you - a promise.
- All right! All right! You give me your yes, and I'll give you the world.
[DISTORTED.]
Eyes on me! [NORMAL.]
Okay, and push! Out! Push! Push! Right in front of my face Finally you've come along Up! Up! Push! Push! And we're touching our toes, touching our toes, touching our toes, touching our toes.
Pray it down.
Pray it down.
And push.
Push.
And touch.
Touch.
Touch.
Up.
Push.
Finally it's happened to me Right in front of my face And I just cannot hide it Finally Hey.
Where did all those people come from, huh? That much excitement in this park's never been a good thing.
Hey, I'm a walking billboard, Stan.
I only cost you two bucks a head.
How'd you do that? [SIGHS.]
I have access to people.
Suburban people.
They listen to what I have to say, - no matter what.
- Okay.
But they're gonna want FAM goods stocked here.
Now, I have a big order I can fulfill - for you immediately.
- Oh, my God.
But when that runs out, if those FAM folks don't see more FAM products, they're gonna stop showing up.
If this is some sort of joke, I'm not laughing.
Now, I have been very nice to you, and if you think you can just walk in here, say what you want about your goddamn FAM, that's not What are you No, don't! God! That's not what, um That's my father's.
[SIGHS.]
Shit.
You know, a lot of employees have been getting sick lately, - and, uh, it's just a hygiene issue - Shh! Buy the inventory.
Re-up through me.
Spackle your little eye-spy here.
You get to keep boosted ticket sales, I get my house back.
Win-win.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
$196 for 93 Splashercizers today, and a check for all this FAM inventory.
I thought we agreed on $10,027.
I'm not gonna write another one.
Pleasure doing business with you, Stan.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
How was it? It was weird.
But it's just another get-rich-quick thing.
Oh, I think I might have met the turkey sandwich guy.
Gave me investment advice.
Not much of a story there though.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Well, well, thanks for checking it out.
There was this alligator widow lady though.
It'd be a hell of a "Minute.
" [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Yeah.
Cool.
Let's talk b [GROANS.]
Be lovers if we can't be friends? [SINGING ALONG.]
How can we start over When the fighting never ends You hungry, little fella? All right, hold on.
How can we be lovers [CHUCKLES.]
Okay, wait.
[GASPS.]
Oh, shit! [PARROT SCREECHING.]
Ah, damn, where's the fire extinguisher? [SHOUTS.]
Oh, damn! What the fuck?! Oh, shit.
[SCREECHING.]
Come on.
C-Come on, little fella, come on.
Hey, there you go, there you go, there you go.
[SHOUTS.]
Oh, shit.
[WHIMPERS.]
Mr.
Crackers! We can work it out How can we be lovers [SHOUTS.]
How can we start over when the fighting never ends? How can we make love if we can't make amends - [ENGINE STARTS.]
- [TAPE CLICKS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
I give back every night, teaching Splashercize down at Rebel Rapids.
And, dang, if it doesn't get me pumped [CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[KEYS JANGLE.]
Howdy, neighbor.
Welcome back.
- Hey.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Renovations done? Yeah.
Huh.
Wow.
Eh, looks the same to me.
That's how you know they did good.
Wow! They did amazing work.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look when-when Harold and I were in that pool together, splish, splash, I was having a blast.
[CHUCKLES.]
I-I don't know much about FAM, okay? But I do know how I felt when I was in there.
I felt surrounded.
Surrounded by love and positivity, by family.
Like a warm blanket.
That's what I've been missing.
It's what Harold needs.
Yeah.
I want in.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
I want to be part of the FAM.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Okay, Ernie.
Yeah? We'll get you set up.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
[QUIETLY.]
Thank you.
- Have a good night.
- You, too.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
[SIGHS.]