Pause with Sam Jay (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

- Yo! What's good?
- Here they go, here they go.
- I'm a do-rag nigga,
but I'm wavy.
You--you just a do-rag nigga.
- Yeah, that's it.
-
- Wait, you're never gonna
drop them?
- It's gonna be a reveal.
- Oh.
- Yeah, I'm going to do it
on "Fallon."
- I'ma drink
until somebody thinks
I look good enough to fuck.
- Yeah, you need to relax.
- I'm not
- You look like Bernie Sanders.
Like, nigga, they gonna
kick you out of Judaism.
- Bernie Sanders
is, like, excommunicated.
- Yeah, they're going
to be like, "Nah.
Give us back your yarmulke,
bitch."
It's weird to have somebody
in your house that you fuck to.
Like, I fuck to your music.
- That's love, though.
- No.
I don't want to catch you
by the bathroom
singing to my lady.
- I'ma stay over here
all night.
- I'm staying over here
all night.
- Where you are,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- You could look at, like,
even white men and go, "Oh,
they are the most powerful,
and they're probably
the most free."
No, they got their own, like,
"weird white men boxes"
that they're--
they're trapped in.
You can't listen to Paris
about women.
She's terrible.
- That is a lie.
- She is a Gemini, number one.
I was already--
- Oh, she a Gemini.
I understand.
- It's like, "Oh, yeah,
so if they'll do that to
- I know.
- "A white woman,
you know what they'll do
to everybody else."
- Oh, they come for anybody.
- Yes, yeah.
- Once they take
a white woman's hand, nigga,
no one's talking.
- Yeah.
- Niggas also just
don't like to see
motherfuckers doing
something different.
The nigga's, like,
a hammering ass nigga,
and then the next day,
he's like,
"Yo, you know what
I really do?"
Nigga.
"You know what
I'm really about?"
- I draw.
- I be acting.
You be like, "Hold on, bro."
- I'm saying that Sam has been
Sam for over a decade now.
- Why you keep making
your arms like that
when you say shit like that?
- We all know
the body language.
- Fuck you.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
I can still put on heels.
I can still fucking tip--
- No, no, no, no.
- And I can still--
and I can still catch
some dick if I wanted to.
- Nigga, you can't catch dick.
You grip dick,
but I don't really think
- I'm saying like,
when I came out,
and I was like, "Yo, I'm a stud
and I'm masculine of center,"
I was like, "Oh, bitch,
it's over.
This is the last Sam
you gon' get."
And then I saw Billy Porter in,
like, a tux with a tulle dress.
And a beat face.
And I was like, "Bitch.
That's cute.
Roll the fuck up."
all: Yes!
- I didn't even know you
could fucking do that shit.
- Yes.
- You know what I mean?
So it's like, in that
same regard, I don't know,
maybe I'll suck a dick again.
Like, that's fucking possible.
Life changes,
you know what I'm saying?
Real shit.
- It does, yes.
- It moves
fucking quickly, dog.
I used to work at Best Buy,
then I was at Starbucks,
then all of a sudden
I'm a music manager--
- Yes.
- Then all of a sudden,
I'm fucking, you know,
auditioning to be
a 12-year-old boy
in a voice-over audition.
It moves very fast!
- Yes!
- Only to walk out and see
an actual 12-year-old boy
in the fucking lobby
and be like,
"Why the fuck am I even here,
dog?"
- I'm just saying,
at the end of the day,
niggas just need to let
motherfuckers be free, bro.
- That's right.
- You need to allow people
to fucking change,
and I don't know
why we can't accept that
in our individuals
around us but, like,
you'll let a nigga
like Andre 3000
be eight different niggas,
and we won't say shit
about that.
But the nigga next door
wear a different hat,
and you're like, "Oh, what,
you a new hat nigga?"
It's like, "Jesus Christ, man."
- Yeah.
- They only allow, like,
fucking entertainers
to be able to be anything else.
- Yeah.
- And that sucks.
- Yes.
- You can't just be a nigga
at Best Buy wearing a dress.
- No, but you should
be able to.
- Yeah.
- You should, for sure,
be able to.
- As long as that dress
is blue and yellow,
nigga, you good, bro.
- Oh, man.
It's really exciting
to talk to you.
'Cause, you know, like,
you only hear one side
of a story, of course.
And so, especially
when I was young,
it was just, like, "All right.
"Ricky Williams just wanted
to smoke weed.
"And he threw away
his whole NFL career
'cause he wanted to get high,"
you know what I mean?
When I saw your "30 for 30,"
and you--
I get to watch you speak
from your own experience,
I was like, "Wow, this nigga
is just free as fuck,
and he's not being bound
by any of this shit."
How did you get that mentality?
- People make a big deal
about growing up
without a father in the house.
And I think, you know, there's
things that I--that I missed,
but the one thing that I got
was freedom, you know?
My mom, she--she worked,
and then she went
to school at night.
And so all day, it was just--
it was just me doing my thing.
And my mom always taught me
to be free.
The disadvantage was I wasn't
around a lot of people like me.
- When you say "People
like you," what do you mean?
- I mean Black people.
- Okay, yeah.
- I mean Black people.
And Black people
as a community.
I think in Southern California,
we have pockets,
but when I went to the South,
it was bigger than pockets.
It was huge communities.
- That's so interesting
because, like,
I feel like I had
that same experience
coming from Boston to Atlanta.
I grew up in Boston, where
it's like Black people live
in, like, one corner
of the city.
And then it's like,
it's as white as it could be.
And I always felt
like I was a weird kid
for where I grew up.
I listened
to alternative music.
I liked Marilyn Manson.
I was always dyeing
my hair some color
with, like, Kool-Aid.
And then I went to Atlanta,
and it was like,
all these white people
and all kinds of Black--
it was really mind-blowing.
And they say the South is,
like, less progressive
in so many ways,
but in that way,
I found it way more progressive
than, like,
where I had come from.
You know what I mean?
- I'm right with you
on that one, yeah.
- So--so making
that transition,
and seeing the--
that just, like, increased
your, like, validation
of, like, "Nah, I'm doing
the right thing
by just, like,
doing my own thing."
- Actually,
it was the opposite.
Because, you know, I was living
in the context
of a football team.
And there was an expectation
that I was supposed
to be the hero.
And I wasn't.
And they gave me the nickname
Ricky Weirdo.
Really?
- Just because I was different.
I was sitting in my locker
reading astrology books.
You know,
I had my nose pierced,
my tongue pierced,
my nipples pierced.
I was just--was different.
- Right.
How did you land in football
and not, like, surfing
or some shit?
- It--one, I was good at it.
I think when you're young,
you're trying to find
what you're good at
because it helps you
develop your identity.
And I think, two, I had
to prove that I was Black.
Because, you know, I grew up,
and I just was a curious kid,
and, you know, I started
to read really early.
And so when I got to school,
they used to beat me up
because they said I talked
like I was whiter,
I talked proper.
And so when I started,
you know,
we got to PE, and I could run
faster than everybody,
and then I--they started
to be like, "Okay."
And they started to respect me.
And that was just it.
It was identity.
- It was a way to fit in?
- It was a way to fit in.
In my mind,
when I got to the NFL,
they would let me be myself.
And it was
exactly the opposite.
- And I feel like you get
to the NFL as a Black man,
you know, it's like, this is
kind of the highest thing
you can be in
a lot of communities.
You go to the NFL,
man, you made it.
You did the ultimate thing.
How do you walk away from that?
- Because it's not true.
When I got there, I realized
that I'm not here to make it.
I'm here to use this platform
to have a voice.
- So do you feel like football
was a checkpoint for you?
- Definitely, definitely.
- Yeah.
- And something told me
I need a break.
And so literally,
I had a globe, right?
And I spun the globe,
and I closed my eyes,
and I just put my finger,
and it landed in Australia.
So I spent two months
in Australia.
And I remember the moment
I picked up the phone
to call the NFL
and tell them I was retiring,
I saw my whole life flash
in front of my face.
And I realized that
every meaningful experience
in my life was somehow
connected to football.
And it was scary.
When I started traveling,
I was in Australia
looking for land.
'Cause I thought
I was never coming back.
And, uh, and I realized
I don't have a skill.
I was like,
I don't know how to do shit
except for play football.
And I just started reflecting,
and I realized
the moments
that I felt happiest
is where I was helping people.
So I thought maybe
I wanna, like, heal people.
And so I started studying
alternative medicine.
And from there,
I took a yoga class,
and I just fell
in love with it.
So I went to the yoga retreat.
And then I met
the teacher there,
and she was amazing.
She taught me astrology.
And she said, "I'm going
to India next week."
So I went with her,
and she was like,
"We're going
to the Himalayas to meditate
"in a cave for a week.
Would you like to come?"
-
- And how could you say no
to that, right?
I feel like the priority
in my life is
- I'll tell you
how I would say no.
- Experiences.
- "Fuck no."
That's how I would say no.
- I couldn't say no.
All my friends told me
I lost my mind.
All of 'em,
they told me I was crazy.
- Yeah, I mean, it sounds crazy
just hearing it right here.
Like, whoa.
What the fuck?
But there's this other part
of me that, like, thinks
you're not doing
anything different
than when you watch, like,
"Eat, Pray, Love."
- That's exactly--
that's exactly what it was.
- You know what I mean?
And that lady's just like,
"Hey, I've done
this version of life.
I wanna see
this version of life."
But I think, like,
when it comes to niggas,
it's just like, you really have
to conquer some shit
to even start to think about
who the fuck it is you are.
I just wanna see if there's
anything I didn't cover.
I feel like I got everything.
- You didn't ask me
if I had done any gay shit.
- Oh!
What I'm saying
is it's possible.
- No.
- And if I--yes, it is.
- I thought about sucking dick
after my relationship.
- For real?
- Yes!
- And then I went and got--
- Don't let him touch you.
- Paris!
- Absolutely not.
-
- I went and got
a strep throat test,
and I was like, "Never mind."
- A strep throat test?
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, they, when they hit you
with the shit right
in the back of your throat.
- Yeah.
- Wait, can I say this?
I believed that you guys
all sucked dick,
but I refuse to have
a stud suck my dick
and look me up in the eyes
and go, "You like that shit?"
- I would change my voice
if I was sucking dick, bitch.
What are you talking about?
- Do the voice.
- I'm not doing
the dick sucking voice.
- No!
- Ooh, tell me.
- Soso I was in Amsterdam.
And I woke up early one morning
and went for a walk
in the park.
And I didn't know it was, like,
a cruising park.
And this dude on his bike,
like, rode by,
and he was checking me out.
And I was just, you know,
I was just being friendly
and in another country,
so I was like, "What's up?"
And he came up to me,
and we just started talking.
And he started, like,
coming on to me.
And he was like, "Do you wanna
go in the bushes,
and I'll suck your dick?"
And so I was like,
my curiosity got
the best of me,
and so I started to think,
"I wonder if I can even get
an erection with a dude?"
And so I was like,
"I'm not saying yes,
but let's go in the bushes,"
right?
And so we went in the bushes,
and he was trying
to, like, get me hard.
And he was, like,
grabbing my dick,
and, like--
and I just couldn't do it.
I just couldn't do it.
And so I said, "I can't do it,"
you know?
And so he said, "Okay.
It's fine."
And so we took a walk,
and we walked around the park,
and there was this beautiful,
like, place
where there was a bunch
of rose bushes.
And I sat on the bench,
and he sat next to me,
and he put his head
in my lap.
And I just kind of rubbed his
back for, like, five minutes.
- Aww.
- Just to create a connection.
And then I was like,
"Thank you.
This was
an interesting experience."
And we went our separate ways.
- That's so sweet and cute.
- But, I mean, I just,
you know, I just--
- But I do wish you got
your dick sucked fully.
- Right, it's--
- 'Cause you was in another--
I feel like,
you gonna do gay shit,
Europe's the place to do it,
you know what I mean?
- I mean, I'm not closeminded
if I'm in a situation.
- Well, just don't do it here.
I don't wanna hear you were
at a club in Atlanta,
at a hookah lounge, and then,
like, "Ah. Boo."
Give me Paris.
Give me a model
who doesn't speak English.
You know, give me a time.
And we went to the Louvre,
like, I want a hotel.
- And maybe if he would've,
like, romanced me a little bit.
- I think so.
- He, you know?
- The bush is tacky.
- It was tacky.
- Yeah.
- I just didn't--but it did
give me an appreciation
for what women tend to feel
like when dudes are like that.
- Mm-hmm.
- So that was really
what I took away,
just that experience
of being on the other side
of somehow just trying
to get into my pants.
Right.
Like, rushing.
- Yes, yes.
- Not taking it.
- Yeah, like, what's the hurry?
- Straight to the dick.
He didn't even, like,
touch a nip first.
That's fucked up.
Oh, I've always been curious
about this.
Uh, and I was like, if I ever
sit in front of Ricky Williams,
I'm gonna ask him
this question.
Did you take it personally
when Ricky got killed
in "Boyz n the Hood?"
- Were you, like, "Damn!"
Like, did it hurt hurt
'cause his name was Ricky
and he played football?
- Actually, I was proud.
-
- Let me tell you why.
Let me tell you why.
Because if he wasn't
a running back, right,
that first shot,
he would've just gone down.
And he was a running back
so he kept going.
And that's why he took
the second one.
One shot is not taking me down.
I'm--
- When you're trying to find
your own freedom
in what you're doing,
the fear is like,
"Oh, I won't be accepted
for who I'm actually
trying to be."
- Of course, like I think
about when I was like,
"Okay, yo, I'm a lesbian.
I'm a stud."
There was still some hesitation
in that, right?
There was still some of me
straddling the fence
because I didn't know
if people around me
were gonna accept or allow me
to be this iteration of myself.
- And I don't know
if everybody knew that.
Like, you saying that out loud
is actually important.
Because most people would look
at you and go, like--
- No, no, no.
- This is solid.
- Like, what did you think
people were gonna say?
- I don't know!
I just thought people
were gonna be, like,
"What the fuck are you doing?"
You know?
- Right.
- And so I tried to, like--
I still had, like,
hoop earrings and shit.
You know what I'm saying?
- Right, right.
- And I had, like, a perm
but it was short.
'Cause I was, like,
foot in the water.
- Half-half, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, like,
I'm trying some shit,
but I ain't really ready
to pop out.
- To commit.
- I ain't committing
to this shit.
And then I started dating Ya,
and she was like,
"Nigga, I'm confused."
You know what I mean?
And I don't think
it was, like, the issue
of what I was actually,
like, wearing or doing
as much as I was
fucking confused.
So I was projecting confusion
because I wasn't confident yet
in, like,
what I was trying to do,
you know what I'm saying?
'Cause I see, like,
I see those same type
of masculine center women,
like studs and shit,
and they be running around
with they titties out,
with no shirt on, just standing
with niggas, chest out.
And I'm like,
"Shit, that looks cool, man.
I wish I could do that."
- The titty thing is a freedom
thing, you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- I feel comfortable
how I'm comfortable.
You know, right now,
I feel more comfortable
than I've been the whole time.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- So the whole time, like,
walking around in shirts,
you're like, "Shit."
- Waiting, like--
- Waiting for the titties out.
- Yeah.
- I'm so amazed.
- I love it.
- The hang-up for me
has nothing to do
with what I actually think.
If you ask me what
I actually think, I'm like,
"Titties is titties.
It's just a body."
Like, everything
that you're saying.
But there is, like,
society that's like,
women have to put
they titties up,
so for my whole life,
my titties been up.
And I don't know who I'd be
if they came out.
You know what I'm saying?
- I'm telling you, once you do
it, it makes you, like
I don't know--it bring out
the animal, for real.
It creates a monster.
- In what way?
- Genuinely.
Like, you don't care what
anybody says at that point.
Like, once you're able
to just show 'em,
it's like, I can do anything.
- Yeah.
- Well, that's so interesting
because, like, I feel like
you know, life is
a series of checkpoints.
And so, like, I felt
a little bit of that way, like,
when I came out as a lesbian,
and especially, like,
a masculine of center lesbian.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- But then, there's like,
this wall I hit
when titties come out.
I'm like,
"Mm, I don't know, like!"
And not to say--to me,
it looks cool as shit.
I would love to know
what it feels like
to drive with a top down.
- Do you have a lot of titty?
- I got a lot of titty too.
- That makes sense.
- So?
I got a lot of titty too!
- Yeah, you--I've never--
- I've got, like, a lot lot,
like, you can show
your big titties, believe me.
- It's enough, yeah.
- Like, when I'm at home,
and I'm playing basketball,
like, if I'm hiding 'em,
I'm taking my shit off.
And the guys who
I normally play with,
they okay with it.
They like,
"She like a fat boy."
You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, she been doing this--
- I do wonder though
if you had bigger titties,
would you pull
your titties out?
- Probably not.
- And why not?
- I feel like it brings out
more masculinity in me,
so that's why I do it now
with smaller tits,
but I don't feel like
I would feel--
I feel like I would feel
a little more feminine
if they were bigger.
- That's what I was
about to say.
The other thing
about going titties out
when you have
some titties is, like,
you just a bitch
with yo titties out.
You know what I mean?
all: Yeah.
- And that's not the vibe.
- And that's not the vibe
they're going for.
- That's not the vibe, yeah.
For sure.
- I wonder, like,
for all of you guys, like,
what does the male gaze do
for y'all
when you're out here,
titties out?
Does it make you second guess
what you got going on?
- I'm usually around men
that I know, you know?
And they just used to it.
'Cause it's just me, you know?
But definitely when
I'm in my own space,
I'm naked--
I'm talking completely naked.
- I grew up so, like,
in one of those households.
Like, my mom was
very much a, like,
"Put your clothes on
all the time,"
like, especially if
there's men in the house.
Like, "There's men
in the house.
Go put on a shirt.
Go cover yourself up."
Like, I can't even sleep naked
in my crib.
Like, I--no.
- Wow.
- I know.
It's, like, super repressed.
And I'm trying
to work through it.
- But no, if it works.
- No, because
it does feel good.
Like, I remember one time,
I went on a cruise.
And I, like, had a balcony
off my room.
And I lotioned myself, like,
naked on the balcony.
And I--I don't think
I've ever--
- Full butt crack.
- Full butt crack.
- Full butt crack.
- Yes.
I don't think I ever felt
freer, you know what I mean?
- Bitch, you could actually
be sitting there--
- No because I feel like
I've built a life
where that's
not possible for me.
- Pre-titties out.
- Yeah.
Like, my niggas ain't gonna
let me run around
with my titties out.
I've established
the relationship.
I've established
the relationship.
Now I show up titties out,
it's like,
"Nigga, what are you doing?"
- Right, right.
- I thought about doing shit
like being with them niggas
that tape down a shirt.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Like the open titty shirt?
- But have it open,
but tape it,
and be like,
"Y'all cool with this?
Y'all cool with half-titties?"
What was the first time
for y'all?
Like, what flipped
the switch in you?
Like, "Nah,
I'm in a public space,
and like, I don't really care."
- When I was a kid,
I used to walk around
with no shirt on
all the time.
And so, like, as I got older
and it was just, like--
now I like button-ups
and, like I said,
the whole point is, you know,
to show off.
So it's like, you know,
you had to button--
it's just a layer,
you know what I'm saying?
I just probably just took it
off and just was like,
"I don't even need
to wear a bra."
Ah, you know, and that looked
good once I got this tat.
You know, I was like, I might
as well show it off too.
- It's always the tats
that are inspiration.
Because I started it, like,
once I got all the tats,
I'm like, "I wanna show 'em."
I definitely found myself
through going topless.
I can say that for sure.
- Yeah?
What do you feel like you
found out about yourself?
- Just a new sense of freedom.
New level of self-love.
And that's--
I think that, truthfully,
we are waking up
a lot of people.
Like, people haven't seen,
to me, studs for real.
Like you--it's just been so
swept under the rug for years.
And we've never really
gotten a platform.
- I was on a trip
to Virginia Beach
- Mm-hmm
- You know, like,
three years ago, and I was
like, "I'm hot as shit."
- You're very motivated
by the heat.
- Yeah, the heat does it
for me.
I'm hot.
I'm taking this shit off, yeah!
- For real, for real.
- I do whatever I gotta do
to get cool.
- I got my foot hanging
out the window.
I'm in the passenger seat
with my girlfriend.
And I got my sports bra on.
And I said,
"I'm taking this bra off."
She like, "Do it!"
- Yeah.
- I was like, "Okay, bloop!"
You know?
And from then,
I was like, fuck it.
From now on, I'ma just do it.
- Yeah.
- That's beautiful.
- Shoutout to the fix.
- Yeah!
- So is there anything
in your lives
where, you're like, "Huh.
"I wanna go there,
but I just haven't quite
let myself go there."
And what is
that checkpoint for you
that you haven't hit yet
if it exists?
- Mm.
- Hmm.
- I'm gonna just be honest
and go ahead and drop it.
Mine is, like, penetration.
'Cause I don't have a problem
with being a woman.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know?
And I think a lot, you know,
people think that about cis--
like, I don't have
a problem being a woman.
I just--I don't like that--
I don't like penetration.
- I feel that to a degree.
I definitely let
my girl finger me,
but her nails got long,
and now I'm not with it.
- Yes.
- But never, uh,
like, she--sometimes,
she's like,
"Ooh, would you let me
strap you?"
And I'm like--
- Mm-mm.
- I don't think--I don't think
that's in me to do it.
But there's a part of me
that's like, "Why not?"
It's not like
I haven't had sex with dudes.
And if it's something that,
like, she wants to do,
and it's gonna make her happy,
like,
would it kill me, but I'm like,
I think it might.
- Throw my equilibrium off.
- Right.
- Something's not gonna
be right.
- Or take some
of my masculinity away
if I'm just being, you know
- For real.
- Luckily, honest.
- Just, like, it's okay
to be vulnerable
and sensitive and soft
and even a stud.
It's like, you know,
people might think
you know, we gotta be hard
- Stigmas.
- And more so aligned
with hetero cis male
thinking and ways
when we wanna--
it's really like,
"Why do that
when we are already queer
"and already revolutionary
just to be ourselves
when we could just--?"
- I mean, you're not wrong.
But I'm still not gonna be
bent over like no bitch.
But everything you're saying
is correct.
Once you step
into a masculine space,
you just watch men change,
right?
They just respect you more.
It sounds so fucked.
- They do; it is true though.
- But they respect you more.
They, like, consider
your opinion on things.
And like, in a way
that I distinctly saw,
like, a shift, you know?
- Yeah.
- It's all energy
at the end of the day.
- It's all energy.
- Absolutely.
- And now you're matching
their energy.
And they're like,
"Oh, you taste pussy too."
You know what I mean?
- Right.
- And, like, being masculine
and being masculine of center,
and like, just walking
the streets and shit.
I remember one night,
I was walking down the street,
and I had just kind of, like,
I'm like, a little fresh out.
I just got my little haircut.
Just got my little shit--
- Feeling fresh.
- Feeling fresh.
Just got my little shit
going on.
Just starting to feel my dick
a little bit,
you know what I'm saying?
And I'm--
- A nice feeling.
- Yeah, and I'm walking
down the street.
It's nighttime.
And this dude walked past.
And my first instinct was like,
it's late as fuck.
I'm on this street by myself.
Like, men are men,
you know what I mean?
At what I been understood
men to be like.
Men are men,
and like, holy shit.
What, like, all right.
Let me check my surroundings.
Whatever, whatever.
And then the nigga
just head-nodded me.
And I was like, "Oh, shit.
"I no longer have to worry
about getting fucked
'cause I'm doing the fucking."
It's a whole new space.
It's a whole new--
- See
- Like, you have arrived.
- You come out with that energy
though too.
You have that energy.
- It's all about feeling
a power too.
There was something
to the first time
I strapped a woman,
and I just watched her
be laid out from the dick,
just asleep, and I was like--
- Sleep.
- Nigga!
- I did her!
-
- Damn, she asleep as fuck!
- Can't even walk!
- I made her tired!
- I just walked around in the
strap drinking juice, nigga.
Like, oh, my God.
- It makes you feel like that.
- And I think every woman
needs to feel that.
- Every woman should peg a man,
for sure.
- Period, it's a beast.
- For sure.
- There's something about--
there's something--
- I got poked in my ass.
I was like, "Oh, okay.
I get it.
I get everything."
- I fucking love it,
just standing there.
- My girl was like, "Oh.
Oh!"
- There something about putting
a dick in something
that you're like, "Word."
I used to be like you.
Knock-kneed, sciatica
from being folded like
a lawn chair, day after day,
and then I strapped up
and laid my first pipe,
and I was transformed.
I understand stocks.
I eat ribs for breakfast.
I take up four seats
on the train.
Christopher Nolan movies
make sense to me.
You are all here because
you've been made to feel weak.
You've been bent over by life.
You've been taking
all those backshots,
and now it's time
to shoot back.
This is you.
"Oh, should I spit?
Should I swallow?"
Bitch, you should cum.
Now put on these dicks.
I knew it.
In white?
Got to work for it
if you want it, baby.
All right, ladies.
You ready to fuck?
- Yeah!
- Let's go.
- I haven't either.
- I really like the color.
- Oh, this is actually
pretty cool.
- Warm-ups.
Meat swings in left and right.
Thigh, thigh, thigh.
Danza slap.
Ah, and ah!
I want connection!
Come on.
Work it, ladies!
Oh, shoot.
Sorry.
Higher.
Very good.
Hit that G-spot.
- I've never done this before.
I do feel more powerful.
I feel balanced.
Like, I'm tall,
so I have a long penis.
- Megan, make eye contact.
How she know you love her?
And down.
- I love you.
- Hands up.
- I'm too tired to be on top.
Um, do I feel more powerful?
No, I feel more exhausted,
okay?
I have asthma,
and you can't be putting me
stroking bitches down.
I can't do that.
I like to lay on my back.
- Lisa, give it to me stronger.
- I feel very powerful.
I just need
to get better at it.
Everything's a skill.
Practice.
You don't just jump on a piano
and start playing Mozart.
- It's time to get
all up in them guts.
French vanilla, Thai,
chocolate deluxe.
I want to see you work.
And work it.
Look like you struggling
over here.
Maybe change angles.
- I want it to be better,
but I'm gonna make that happen
because I'm committed
and I bought a package, so.
- Yeah!
- It kind of made me,
like, tap
into, like, who I really am.
I can fuck now.
- Ah!
- I didn't know
that was possible.
- Yeahhh!
I think this dick
has made me worse by far.
I wasn't a great person
to start with,
and now, it's hard to not
just wanna run up and--
You know?
- I like you on the bench.
You are long and strong.
- Before the dick,
I did sex differently.
And now I have more ideas.
I don't know if I see my life
without the strap.
- Ladies, this isn't
just about sex.
This isn't just about putting
something hard
into something soft, and then
rolling over and taking a nap.
That's weak.
That's man shit.
This is about
liberating yourself
from whatever keeps you
from feeling free.
Some of you may leave here
and go peg your husbands
the second you get home.
Some of you may never strap up
and fuck a watermelon
ever again.
Either way, I want each
and every one of you
to carry these dildos
in your spirit.
Let your energy
swing long and proud,
Even when no one else
can see it.
And if anyone makes you feel
like you aren't strong,
then you metamorphically
Danza slap the shit
out of them.
Now everybody wipe down
your dicks
for the next class.
- I definitely think
this is an experience
others should try.
In fact, I'm gonna try
different shapes
and sizes and textures
and different fruits.
- I do wish that
it was bigger.
I'm a little embarrassed
I did have the tiniest dick
in the class.
And I did notice.
But I think that's good
for internal growth too.
- Sam is a great instructor.
Uh, she inspired me to never
put a strap on ever again.
I used to wish I was a lesbian,
but nope, no more of that.
I would be a bottom lesbian,
a bottom gay dude,
and I'm a bottom straight.
- People need room
to try stuff.
Purple cargo shorts
may not be for everyone,
but how do you know
they're not for you
if you don't try it?
And maybe
they'll look terrible,
and you'll be glad
there's no pictures
of that period in your life.
But at least you tried
something new.
You never know
what tomorrow's gonna bring,
and that doesn't just have
to be some shorts.
Maybe you need to leave
the place you started in.
Or maybe you just need
to take the train
a few stops past where
you normally get off.
The world
is constantly changing,
so how do we expect
not to change with it?
We need to realize this is
just a series of checkpoints.
If you're doing
this shit right,
you'll go through several
iterations of yourself
before it's all said
and done.
And we should
be excited for that.
And we should encourage it
in others.
Unless, of course,
they look stupid.
Then we should tell them,
but, like, constructively.
Also, we should mind
our fucking business.
We all have purple cargo
shorts in our hearts,
but we won't wear them,
or say it, or do it
because we're afraid
we'll look dumb.
Who cares?
Just put them shits on
and figure it out.
And if you don't,
that's okay too.
But just know those shorts
will always be waiting
for you when you're ready.
[tape fast-forwarding,
engine turns over]
Like, my niggas ain't gonna
let me run around
with my titties out.
Now I show up titties out,
it's like,
"Nigga, what are you doing?"
Die for me, bitch,
I'm perfect, yeah
you perfect
you perfect--perfect
you perfect--wow
I'm perfect--I'm perfect
I'm perfect--I'm perfect
you perfect--wow
you perfect--wow
I'm perfect--wow
I'm perfect--perfect
I need more bucks--cash
at the top floor
she get soft more
while you was sophomores
nothing, make you hot, boy
like we the yacht boys
damn, damn, damn
you perfect
you perfect--wow
I'm perfect--yeah
I'm perfect--perfect
you perfect--wow
Tell me the white people secrets
of how to get this bread!
You're already doing it.
No, I'm not, dog.
I'm buying sneakers
You're talking about investing.
and I know that's not right.
What did you understand
about money as a kid?
Hustling.
Gotta hustle to get it.
-Right?
- Word.
I'll cheers to that.
Cut this shit!
Having made a company
and made money,
you went to jail
for selling weed.
How much weed?
Was it a lot of weed?
It was a lot of weed.
My indictment
was for 3,000 kilos.
Ooh, you better bag
all that weed!
I have like no depth perception
at all.
All right, yeah,
this is gonna be a disaster.