Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014) s01e03 Episode Script

Wherever good is threatened, heroes rise to the challenge and always save the day! Except when they don't.
And that's when I go to work.
I zap in two dimensions every day It's my job to be a hero, save the world And make things right Kung fu moles, rescue trolls Punch a zombie, score a goal I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit, I'm a knight Stretching, swinging, sliding by Kicking monsters in the eye Boone and Sashi always sticking by my side No villain's gonna stop Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero, part-time hero! Penn Zero Mom, you're too low.
You got to point it Nope, that's worse.
It's got to be higher.
Still can't see ya.
You got to point it at your face, hon.
Keep it up! I will eat another one of your eggs! You doing okay, sweetie? Uncle Chuck and Aunt Rose keeping things fun? - Uh - That's the way a chinchilla should look.
Who's ready for their power breakfast? - Look at this handsome rodent.
- Yes, you are.
I miss you guys.
Aw, we miss you, too.
Muhu hug.
I know it's not as good as the real thing.
It's okay, Mom.
I'm fine.
Okay, let's torch the nest! Ahh! Egg sac punch! No loose change in pockets? Remember, "Zap with coins, get scorched horribly.
" Plus, it is like impossible to find a snack machine that'll take 'em later.
Isn't that right, George-Melt-Facington? - Whoa, kind of looks like you, Phyllis.
- First degree burn.
Ow! La-la-la-la Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Why are we singing? And how cute is Sashi? We'll see who's laughing when I pull your stuffing out of your nose! Better.
Well, at least you're not some cheapo carnival prize.
Or your hands aren't stuck together.
Oh! Never mind.
I'm the best one.
Okay, Sosh, check the specs.
Mayor Pink Panda is in trouble and it's up to us to save her.
Well, good news is in a world like this at least we can't get hurt.
I stand corrected.
Help! Our mayor has been taken.
Government functions have ground to a halt.
Please tell me you are a band of wandering heroes.
That we are, Townsplushie.
We have heard your cries of distress and have come to save your mayor and your quilted city.
Now which way to the emergency room? That way! So what's the deal with the mayor? Oh, the evil giants came in the night, took her.
You got to get her back before they rip her to shreds, like they did with the police commissioner.
- A button from his shirt? - His eye.
Eww! I got eye on me.
Get it out.
Nurse, cancel my tee time.
Yes, Dr.
Hissy.
How bad can these evil giants be? What are they, giant teddy bears? Oh, dear.
I say.
They are beating the stuffing out of her.
Literally.
Giants, unhand me this instant, or I shall draft a resolution formally condemning your atrocious behavior - which I am confident would pass - Without the mayor, the plush toys' society will crumble into chaos.
And in desperation, they'll turn to me to lead them.
I say, put me down! You're smashing her.
I know how babies think.
I used to babysit my little brother.
- They let you babysit? - Yeah, why? Anyway, the thing about babies is they're very easily distracted.
Now let's go teach those babies the meaning of disappointment.
Playing tug-of-war with a public servant is forbidden by Article 7A of the town charter! Boone and Sashi sitting in a tree K-I-S-S Oh, whoa! - I totally forgot where that song goes.
- Come on, baby.
Take the pretty rattle and seal your doom.
Oh! Well, well, well, look who thinks he's so special with that rattle.
How long have you been plotting this move, Larry? Uh, Mayor Pink Panda, I'm here to save you.
Such bravery.
I shall see to it that you are awarded the key to the city.
This key comes with an honorary coupon book.
Yeah, that seems about right.
You got to hurry.
Things are getting worse.
Without the mayor to sign paperwork, the sanitation workers haven't been paid and trash is piling up.
Penn, allow this monkey to chuck a steaming pile of wisdom at you.
I babysit my neighbor's kid all the time.
Crying babies just want to be fed.
Whenever that baby makes a peep, I make with the foods.
Coming in for a landing! Flying baby food to tower! We're running on fumes! We've got a milk spill on the runway! You are not clear to land! Someone get me a juice box.
I'll put in the straw myself.
What I got from that was we should feed the giant babies.
Boone, you've switched off your targeting computer.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
I'm all right.
Eat this! Ha! It's apple sauce.
Who doesn't like apple sauce? Shaking Penn Zero senseless and building important hand-eye coordination.
Baby win! Mayday! Mayday! I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I guess I won't be coming home for dinner.
Bail out! Bail out! Well, that could not have gone worse.
We're running out of time and thread, hero.
The mayor's not here to approve the police budget so law and order is breaking down.
Hey! Hey! That was a gift.
Hey, I need those! I'm okay.
Go, get the mayor.
Okay, babies, babies, babies.
How do I deal with ba Oh! Uh, Mom, Dad, real quick, when I was a baby, what did you do when I was angry? You were never angry.
You only ever fussed when you needed changing.
You did go through a lot of diapers though.
Yeah, some days you were like a soft-serve ice cream machine with no off switch.
Ooh! Aside from all the gross parts, it sounds like those were pretty good times.
The best.
Remember, no matter how heroic you get, you'll always be our baby.
We have to jump for our lives, son, but not before a hug.
- You pooped a lot.
- So I did.
But it gives me an idea.
Yeah, we're not doing this.
They dropped her.
Let's move! Good day, Your Honor.
Hang on tight.
Those diapers are full.
We got her! We got the mayor! You fools! You broke town ordinance 431E.
Never lead giant babies to the village.
Wait.
I got it.
Townplushies, lend me your hands.
The babies stop here.
Form a line with me.
Yup, interlock your fingers.
And if you don't have fingers, link your arm.
- You, too, little giraffe.
- You got it, chief.
What are you going to do? Give the babies what every little rascal wants, a hug.
Let's go! Townplushies, hug! It's working! Hug harder! For saving the day, I prescribe one Dr.
Hissy.
Thanks, heroes, we'll take it from here.
Fools! No playpen can hold me! When I escape this prison, I shall rain down vengeance upon Oo-hoo, pacifier.
- Don't you quit on me! - Go and win this race.
- Win it for the both of us.
- No! We are winning this thing together.
We are so close.
Oh, man.
You should not be this tired at the starting line.
I'm not leaving you, buddy.
Yeah! Picking up speed now, huh? Hello, children.
Good to see your human faces.
What? I can't be in good mood? Uh No, we're just used to a far meaner version of yourself.
I mean, look, you do have a "not welcome" mat.
Oh.
Okay, end of good mood.
Trying to change self for better.
No respect from children.
You want good mood? I'll give you good mood.
Bad mood all day because of you.
Loin cloths? We're either aliens or maybe we're dancers.
What, what is this thing with you and dancers? Boone, we're not dancers.
Okay, Sosh.
- Sashi? Hello? - Hello, down here.
- All I see is this hideous beast.
- It must have eaten her! Don't worry, Sashi, we'll get you out of this vile, putrid Oozy, warty - Guys - Unintelligent - Reek-fest, stink-burger - Guys, it's me! I'm the stink-burger! Your breath is so bad, I'm picking it up with all five senses.
All right, a peaceful alien princess is lost in the dangerous lands of the evil alien Kronad tribe.
Our mission is to find and escort her back to her people.
That's it? Give some fancy lady a ride home? Piece of ca Penn, what are you daydreaming abou This is the greatest moment of my life.
Hi.
I'm Princess Argelblat Blunkenthorp.
Such a beautiful name.
In nature, all things are beautiful, especially my name.
Uh.
Me and my best friend here have come to save you.
Along with that.
Blessed be your arrival.
I rule over the purple people of the East.
My light sustains our soul and protects our bodies.
You brave warriors must protect me from the evil orange Kronads who wish to steal my light to power a weapon capable of wiping out our forest.
Then maybe you should have left your stupid diva light at home.
Hey, whoa, whoa! This isn't the blame game.
Don't worry, princess.
You're in good hands.
Strong, rugged, green hands.
Yeah, no one is taking your adorable light, not on my watch or whatever you tell time with here.
This looks like a sundial kind of place.
So not on my sundial.
The spirit of the forest shows me you're both surrounded by the aura of honor, nobility and strength.
Careful with my bags.
- I got it.
- I got it.
- Me first.
- I got it.
I got it.
No! There.
I can defeat Penn Zero with a press of one particular button.
Ooh.
Huh.
This is like every time I get a new microwave.
You got to relearn everything.
How to set the time.
How to make a bag of popcorn.
What makes it burst into flames.
"How do you put out drapes?" Now you got to get a new microwave.
No! I refuse to get caught in your microwave loop again.
I've got this figured out, anyway.
I just press this Why is that even a button?! Keep it together, Sashi.
Don't eat the princess.
I will require a shelter to protect me from nature's wondrous gifts.
I shall build you a shelter, princess.
Actually, I should probably build a shelter.
- You couldn't build your face.
- That doesn't make any sense.
Your face doesn't make sense.
Repeating what I say with the word "face" in it is not a comeback.
- My comeback coach would disagree.
- You have a comeback coach? Yeah.
Mr.
Hartuian, the janitor.
The water spirits are crying out for me to drink them.
Will you heed their call, beast? I know you didn't just call me "beast.
" - Did you forget how to hear, beast? - That's it! Fetch, beast.
I'll give you this nasty treat.
I'm not some dog! Good thing that rental place was near our crash site.
That worked out! Victory! We're back to square one! Your laugh is my sixth favorite thing about you.
- Want to guess the other five? - No.
Your royal tent awaits.
Off the ground to keep the creepy-crawlies out, bug nets for double creepy-crawlie protection and a pillow stuffed with creepy-crawlies.
It's so wonderfully tiny, modest and underwhelming.
I've actually got room to spare.
Yeah, surround sound, light-up dance floor, a little breakfast nook, kick-boxing gym, and, of course, hot and cold running water.
Is it filtered? I want to say yes, but I can't because it's not.
Oh.
Like the ancients wrote in the book of wisdom, "hopefully tomorrow will be less disappointing.
" Stop ruining this for me.
I think the princess likes me.
You? She just burned down your tent.
Only to be polite 'cause she was burning down yours.
We'll just see who she's being polite to.
You know, princess, I think Boone is tired.
We should probably stop, let him recover.
Oh, I'm fine.
Penn's the one that could use the breather.
Uh uh Carrying this weightless light is so exhausting.
I could really use a deep tissue massage.
Me too.
But I'm more of a walk-on-my-back kind of guy.
Oh, enough about massages.
Get her! Who will bravely risk their life for my much more important life? - Ah-ha! - Hi-ya! Uh, oh, gosh.
I can't lift my arms.
Oh! I am so sore.
I can't even stand.
Oh, Boone, you got any ideas? - Nope.
Hmm - hmm Larry, take this spoiled princess' light.
Did we win or was I horribly crushed? Holy stink-burger! That thing's hideous.
Nice going, geniuses.
You were so busy impressing the princess, you almost got us killed.
So wait, are you saying I impressed her? Hmm, no, I think she's saying I impressed her.
You both impressed me.
My forest people, I know it was hard to be without me.
But I am back.
Yay.
And it is all thanks to these heroes and their foul, hideous beast.
Mission over.
Goodbye, stupid princess.
Mother Forest, Father Forest and the entire Forest extended family have presented me with two worthy suitors.
But which shall I choose? Please be me.
Please be me.
Please be me.
The brave courageous soul who has won my heart is the one who slays the death-eater in a blood battle for my affection in a cage match versus the grinkon! Penn! Boone! We are going to die.
No, you're not, stupids! Just work together.
Sashi's right.
When we work together, nothing can stop us.
Let's do this! Boone, look, I was a real jerk today.
I let an insanely gorgeous, beautiful alien lady with a light thing in her hand come between me and my BFFFF and it was stupid.
But if this is it for us, I want you to know that your friendship means more to me - than anything in the world and - Shh.
We let a lady get between us and it turned you into a raging jerkface.
But it's okay.
I forgive you because I love you.
I love you, too.
Super emotional, near-death man-hug? Super emotional, near-death man-hug.
- Do you yield? - You can yield? - You can talk? - Of course, I can talk.
Just because I'm a vile and hideous beast, doesn't mean I can't talk.
Am I right or am I right, my grotesque sister? Yeah, I hate this mission.
Yield! Yield! Yield! We yield.
I accept.
Mom, I won the princess' heart! - We're getting married! - That's my boy.
- What? - Come here.
Okay, maybe I don't hate this mission.