Perfect Couples s01e03 Episode Script

- All right, buddy We're on.
How's the ring? Good work.
All right, showtime.
- Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
What is all this? - Baby, from the minute that I met you, I knew that one day-- - Oh, congratulations! You guys are getting married! - No.
- You said no to him? You bitch.
- No, didn't say no, not a bitch.
Didn't ask yet.
- Oh, should I-- I'll go.
- Reset.
What the? Oh, Luke.
Marry me.
This is what you're signing up for.
Do you like this? Can I interest you in a life of this? - I'm a simple man, Leigh, so I'm gonna keep this simple.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely.
- Rex Shakespeare knew no love like ours.
My answer is yes.
- Oh, my God.
You're so boring.
I mean, you just drain me.
I feel so sad for the woman who marries you.
- Do you? 'cause I'll make it you.
- You don't have the balls.
- I'll marry you, you hick.
Your parents will be so happy.
"oh, hey, ma, little Amy's done getting hitched.
"we gonna get to fly on a jet plane, But we gonna have to buy us some shoes.
" - Oh, yeah, because your mother's Such a tremendous person.
Maybe she'll get drunk at the wedding And accuse the valet of stealing her sunglasses again.
"oh, wait.
They're on my face.
" - Won't you be mine? - I got this from my grandmother.
- I had this one made.
It's better.
- Suck it.
Perfect Couples - Season 1, Episode 2 "Perfect Proposal" - I can't wait to see the look on Vance and Amy's faces When they get off that plane.
- What a week for them-- Getting engaged, flying to Paris - What's that? What are you doing? No, I'm driving.
That's grossly illegal.
- Oh, Dave, you and your activist judges.
Show me where in the constitution it says You can't drink in a car.
- You guys, do you think they're being A little too impulsive? I mean, they always do this.
They break up.
No, thank you.
They get back together, Having magically discovered what was missing.
- We weren't living together.
- She's moving in.
- It was all the toxins In the red meat that we were eating.
- We're vegans, man.
We're two vegans in love.
- We weren't caring for a pet.
Meet Alonzo.
- I don't know.
I think it could work.
- Of course it can work.
- Did the veganism work? Did the bird work? - Well, they should have - Gotten rid of the ceiling fan, yeah.
Now that poor thing doesn't even fly.
It just crawls up things and falls off of them.
- The tragedy of the bird is undeniable.
- All right, let us off here at the terminal.
We have a surprise for them.
- You know how we always do A classic airport greeting for our friends? Like that time I picked you up dressed as a limo driver.
- Or when we pretended to be paparazzi, And everyone thought you guys were big stars.
- That was so good.
- We'll see you guys in there.
- You know, honey, Vance's proposal Came our of a fight in our bedroom.
I think he gave her my engagement ring.
- Well, you know, people have different ways Of doing these things-- they're all valid.
- I love them too much.
I'm just gonna tell them this is a big mistake.
- Okay, you listen to me, and you listen to me good, woman.
what is that? - We--we are not getting involved.
It is their relationship, and I--please? 'cause I have been sucked into their drama before.
It does not end well.
We will probably end up getting blamed.
- So I just have to hold my tongue? - Oh, no, no.
More than that.
See, Vance has a superhuman ability To detect lack of support from his friends, So you--you have to be on board To an almost off-putting degree.
You got to go in there, smile, And just be the big phony we know you can be.
- Hey! The happy couple! - Paris was epic.
- All right! Isn't this great? - We met them at gate.
- They only allow passengers back there, So we bought a couple tickets-- southwest to phoenix.
Our seats will be empty, but our hearts are full.
- Oh, my God, it's so great to just be surrounded By the people that love us most And just, like, see how excited you are for us.
- Whoo! - So happy for you, man.
- So happy for you, man.
- Why exactly? - You're getting married.
- Which you think is what-- a huge mistake? Where's this coming from, Dave? - Oh, God, no.
It's great.
- What is your issue? Do you hate Amy? Do you think I'm some animal Who can't keep it in his pants? 'cause that's your father, Dave.
It's not me.
Tell me you're on board.
Tell me right now That you think our marriage is a good idea.
- I - Oh, my God.
Hesitate longer.
My best friend, everyone.
- Damn it, Dave.
How is this your business? - If only you guys could see How happy they were coming off the plane.
- No, I am happy for you.
I'm so happy for you.
We drove to the airport.
I paid for parking.
- Here's a dollar--I don't want to owe you anything.
- This is a euro.
- You're a bad man, Dave.
You're a bad man.
- Yeah, she's wearing your ring.
- Yep.
Mm-hmm.
- Hey, Amy, You know who you should, uh, hire to be your wedding planner? The same pain in the butt who did Julia's.
- wedding planner.
- Just get through today.
You'll never have to deal with her again.
- Come on in.
- Hon You look beautiful.
Wedding planner to makeup.
Come in, makeup.
- So things got a little heated between the guys.
But you know I love you.
Would you be my maid of honor? - Amy I would love to.
- No, no, no, I'm not good with hugs.
That's why I waited till we were past warm-up speed.
- Honey, if there is anything I can do to make Your life easier, please do not hesitate.
- I would love a towel and some water.
- Oh, you're serious.
- Yeah, I'm the bride.
- Hey, man.
- So You kind of weirded out on me yesterday, man.
- Don't apologize.
I was wrong.
I can't marry Amy.
- Oh, boy.
- I'm a volatile being, Dave, And I was riding high on the way to Paris, But on the way back, panic set in, And I took it out on you, But it's just-- it's just too much.
I mean, that ring I gave her-- - Julia's ring.
- It was mocking me.
I mean, that poor, sad, little diamond Kept staring at me like a milky, misshapen eye.
I mean, I love her, But I just can't be sure about forever, you know.
Were you sure? - Look at the groom.
He's flipping out.
- No, man, I feel great.
I can't wait to see her walk down the aisle.
- Countdown to misery.
Dead man walking.
- I was sure.
But that's my relationship.
This is yours, okay? It's not my place to-- - I have to reset this.
Things should go back to the way they were.
All right, so you need to tell her-- - Whoa, I need? - You need to sit us down, share your concerns, Just get the ball rolling.
- Absolutely not.
That's so inappropriate.
You're gonna have to put your big boy pants on for this one.
Okay.
- I have a favor to ask.
- Wasn't that already a favor? - If this gets back to Amy and she feels She's being manipulated, game over, So this has to stay between us.
- What has to stay between you? - Hey.
Nice car.
- Thanks.
It's the new Bentley gtc.
Just got five down at the dealership.
They're flying off the lot.
What has to stay between you? - Don't worry about it.
- Are you guys holding out on me? You know I need to be in on things.
- It's not interesting, Rex, really.
- Why won't you tell me, then? It's all I can think about.
I got no appetite.
It's killing me.
- All right, Vance is having second thoughts About the engagement.
He wants me to go talk to Amy about it.
- Well, thank you for taking me into your confidence.
It means a lot.
- Who are you calling? - Leigh.
I got to tell her about this.
What? - Dude, she's my wife.
I don't have secrets from my wife.
What are we, in a beer commercial? - Hey, stallion.
Afternoon delight? - This is a guys-only secret, dude.
Get a hold of yourself.
- Why did I call her, then? - Hey, Leigh, it's Dave.
We were sitting around talking about how awesome you are And thought we would call you and let you know.
- Oh, thanks, Dave.
Have a good one.
- She did not question that.
- All right, all right, all right.
We're gonna go to Amy tonight before she gets too invested.
- What do you think, maid of honor? - Oh, honey, it is magnificent.
- Oh, you look like a princess.
- I'm so glad you guys are by my side.
Now run, get us some sushi and banana daiquiris.
Thanks, maid.
- Thanks.
- So, Dave, you've got Amy and I here.
What is this all about? - Okay, you know I love you guys.
I think you're amazing together.
Um, I just-- I-I just feel that this engagement Was put together a little hastily.
- This again.
This-- - shh.
- Yes, I-I just can't seem to let it go.
Um, yeah, just most people kind of-- You know, they don't get engaged out of spite.
- Listen to me, you son of a bitch you're doing good.
I'm doing good too, right? - Dave? - What are you doing here? - She is supporting our union By bringing me the batteries and diet Dr.
Pepper I sent her for.
Thanks, maid.
- Mm-hmm.
- Meanwhile, your husband is explaining Why we shouldn't get married.
- Really? - The audacity of this guy.
I mean, what are you gonna say next, Dave-- That there's no rush, That maybe we could get married in a year Or maybe--maybe even never, That--that ultimately loving each other May prove to be enough? - This is happening, Dave.
I found a dress.
I've chosen a date and a venue.
You did? - Parker ranch, October 8th, the leaves should be changing.
- You might not approve, Dave, but that doesn't matter.
I'm putting my faith in us In you, baby.
- Don't listen to Dave.
Vance had second thoughts about the engagement, And now he and Dave are playing you.
- What the hell, Rex? - I had no choice.
- Hi, honey.
- I have something I got to tell you.
- You don't want to marry me? And this is how I find out-- in front of everyone? Take your cheap, piece-of-crap ring back.
Oh, and thank you for making this The most humiliating moment of my life.
- Ah, just kill the damn thing.
- So when we get to Amy, what are we gonna do? - This is between you and her.
We do not get involved.
- Really? Don't get involved? You're sticking to that? - You think she'll leave me? I mean, if I lose her, I don't-- I don't know what I'm gonna do.
- How's she handling for you? - What? - The Bentley.
Man, these brits-- They'll throw a bottle of piss at you at a soccer game, But those snaggletooths sure can make an automobile, huh? - Are you trying to sell me a car? - God, I love watching Rex work.
Dave doesn't stand a chance.
- All right, when we get there, I'm going in alone.
I'm gonna take what's coming and beg her to forgive me.
- Good.
Reveal yourself to her, warts and all.
Take this next left.
I want to let you open her up a little bit.
- Better make room in the garage.
- What do you think? It's ours October 8th.
We could, uh, host a conference or, you know, a spelling bee.
- Amy.
- I should have known That this would happen, I mean, after a proposal like that.
- I love you so much.
I love your eyes.
- Shut up.
I know you love me.
I'm just trying to decide if I love you enough To keep putting up with your crap.
Let me look at you.
You're big.
I like that because you make feel small.
You make me laugh, 'cause you're dumb, And you're, you know, the best kind of dumb, Because you think you're smart, but you're not.
You are dumb.
I like drinking with you.
- I have so much fun drinking with you, Because your Louisiana comes out.
- Yeah, I mean, anybody can look classy Drinking out of a wine glass, But I look classy drinking out of my jar.
- I sense a relationship in crisis.
They need me.
- Oh, stop.
Let's not get involved.
- Whoa, did you put your hands on my wife? This test drive just took a very ugly turn.
Come on, Leigh.
- Okay, everybody, Relationship exercise.
Okay, so you are going to dig a hole, And then you are going to shout your fears into that hole.
We're gonna demonstrate, okay? - Abandonment.
- Babies talking like adults.
- You guys, we're back together.
- Oh.
We did it.
- So the wedding's back on? - Yep, we figured out what was wrong.
- It was the ridiculous proposal.
I mean, it happened in the middle of a fight.
- Yeah, I'm gonna give you a nice, normal proposal, Boring even.
I'm gonna put your ring in, like, a dessert.
Or I'm gonna write "marry me" with rose petals Or--what's that stupid thing you did, Dave? - He put the ring on the dog's collar.
- Oh, that's so lame.
- What's the matter, Dave, couldn't find a jumbotron? - Oh, that sounds great.
I want all that stupid stuff.
- Do it, buddy.
Lock her in.
That's what you do when something's so beautiful, You can't live without it.
You put the money down, and you lock her in.
- Congratulations, you guys.
- I got my bride back.
- No! Oh, God, do I not want to get involved.
You guys can't get married.
- Why? - You have become Unhinged.
You guys keep making the same mistakes.
- It's different this time.
You weren't there.
I'm big.
She drinks from a jar.
I really think it can work, Dave.
- You got to be sure.
I'm sorry.
I was sure.
Julia was sure.
These guys were sure the second they met.
- My sister married my best friend.
- Excuse me, sir.
We haven't even served the salads yet.
You have to hold it together.
- I need you.
- I know.
- Vance, I love you.
You have something wrong with your brain.
Sometimes I think it's from when I pushed you off the ski lift.
I'm not sure.
I'm not a doctor.
Amy, you came into our lives a little later.
I can't account for your brain injuries.
- Fell off a balance beam.
I was dead for three minutes.
- Okay, there you go.
Maybe that's it.
You guys are so impulsive.
All right, someone's got to stop and think.
And it's got to be me.
Marriage is hard.
You know, you got to be sure, And you're not, so don't do it.
- You know, they don't have to be sure.
- Well, yes, they do.
- Not everybody can.
- Then don't get married.
- Well, I wasn't sure.
- What? - I really wasn't that sure.
- Body blow.
- You asked me to marry you.
I knew I loved you.
I figured I would just get sure before the day, But I didn't.
- But you were so relaxed and happy at the wedding.
- Oh, honey, I was drunk.
I was really, really drunk.
Hi.
- You said you were stumbling with joy.
that's not a thing.
- Now that I think about it, Yeah, how could I not realize that? You were so drunk.
you light up my life I do.
What we have could not be better, But if someone had come to me on our wedding day And said you have to be sure, I might have missed out on the best thing That has ever happened to me.
- Me, right? yeah.
- Hey, Vance, buddy.
I'm sorry.
I was way out of line.
You know, you--you love Amy, And I love you guys.
And take the leap.
I'm with you 100%.
- Yeah.
They're not in the car.
- But how about that tint job? I mean, you don't have to go that dark, but I recommend it.
- I heard every word Best man.
- Really? - Now, why don't you rustle me up some thai food And bring it by the house? - Oh, you--oh.
- the warmth of your love's like the warmth from the sun and this will be our year took a long time to come don't let go of my hand now the darkness has gone this will be our year took a long time to come and I won't forget the way you held me up when I was down and I won't forget the way you said "darling, I love you, you gave me faith to go on" now we're there and we've only just begun this will be our year took a long time to come - Did your brother just propose to her on the day he met her In the middle of our wedding? - Balloons! - and this will be our year took a long time to come you don't have to worry all your worried days are gone and this will be our year took a long time to come and I won't forget the way you helped me - So, Rex let you borrow the Bentley, huh? - He knows I have it.
It gets Surprisingly good gas mileage.
You don't give up luxury for performance.
- Did you buy this car, Dave? - No.
I leased it.
- Oh, God, I should have never left you alone with Rex.
Did he throw in the floor mats? - No.
Big boss wouldn't approve 'em.
- There is no big boss, Dave.
- All right, he got me.
He is good.
He is a great-- it was amazing to watch.
I'm probably not even a Bentley guy.
I bet he just told that to me for-- I'll give it back.
- Yeah, I'll come with you.
- I think that's wise.