Pickle & Peanut (2015) s01e03 Episode Script
Pickle The Falcon Master; Pickle Adopts a Family
1 Sharks, swords, yogurt, kicks Fries, smart phones, hot tubs, yeah Shades, bagels, grills, airbrush, chrome Blankets, mopeds, yes Drop top, laptop, breath mints, scars Kittens, wet ski, drive thru, fresh Tight pants, wide screens, tacos, wheelies Freestyle, thrift stores, mini trampolines They call him Peanut They call him Peanut They call him Peanut Two hundred ninety-eight, 299, 300.
Hey, Pickle, what's with all the garbage in here? If you send in 300 of these thingies from the boxes, you win a prize.
Svenzeeohs? What kinda crazy foodstuffs is this? It's a nutritious and semi-delicious cereal I bought at the Recession Barn.
Let me get this straight.
You ate 300 boxes of this? It smells like wet fur.
And how did you figure out there's even a prize? This isn't a language.
This isn't even a usable font.
I can't figure out what the prize is, just that there is one.
I like to take chances, Peanut.
I'm kind of a daredevil.
And for your information, I didn't eat 300 boxes of Svenzeeohs.
I gave them to the ducks in the park.
Look, just 'cause it's called pantyhose doesn' mean you can make a sick wrestling match out of it.
- We can the Hose Bros.
- Uh, I don't know.
This feels pretty weird.
( doorbell rings ) ( gasps ) It's finally here! The cereal prize is finally here.
Peep.
( both gasp ) ( peeping ) What are they? ( peeping continues ) This has gotta be a massive mistake.
No, no, no.
Me Pickle.
What am you? ( peeping ) ( giggles ) They are kinda cute.
Ugh.
I think this one just peed.
( peeping ) Aw.
This one's burrowing.
( guffaws ) Okay, man, let's get 'em back in the box.
Huh? Why? This is no prize.
This is a burden.
Oh, I thought it was something cool like a whistle.
I think we should keep 'em.
I make a good Pops.
It'll be like those kittens I found, but this time, it'll end better.
You'll see.
It sounds like it's gonna be a lot of work and a real drag.
( purring ) Oh, come on.
We'll be a big, dumb family.
( laughing ) Ice cream.
( snoring ) ( heavy metal music playing ) ( turns music off ) Ha ha.
It's pretty stinkin' cute when one of these little ones tries to make a fist with his foot hand, isn't it? Wait, the little one that smells like clay, or the one that's growing a beard? Yeah, clay guy.
See, I knew you'd like this.
( turns music back on ) Let's order from Bill's tonight and get their family deal since it'll serve all five.
Five five fi-ay-yi-yi.
BOTH: Eww! Now that's how you make a baby.
Where are all these new ones gonna stay? What? Right here at their Papa Pickle, of course.
Pick, you're a big mama bird now, and this is your nest.
You're gonna sit down with those little birdlets, and their downy-soft butt feathers, and spit food in their mouths and junk.
You're right.
This mama bird is gonna bird the heck out of these guys.
( heavy metal music playing ) And that guy there, he sucked orifice.
Yeah, you gotta watch out for his bowel blaster.
You do not wanna be on the wrong end of that.
( laughs ) Whew, finally, he is home.
This babysitting stuff is tough.
I've been dealing with these guys for, like, an hour or something and I am beat.
Man, I don't know how you do it.
Besides, they coughed up, like, 50 more or something.
Oh, you didn't leave any money for food, so I just gave them a bunch of sugar packets I found.
All right, man, heading back to my house.
So, you know, gotta catch up on my beauty rest.
Hey, uh, can you stick around? No, man, I'm toast I gotta get some sleep.
You know I have a delicate system.
I gotta recharge my peanut battery.
Besides, I'm no good at this mama bird stuff.
But you, whoo, you're a natural, man.
Hasta pasta.
( all peeping ) ( alarm buzzing ) I have an idea.
Why don't we all go for a ride in the country? That's right, everybody in.
Come on, come on.
Who likes Svenzeeohs? Svenzeeohs? Yeah, yeah.
You like? Go get it, go get it then.
( hysterical laughter ) ( imitating gunfire ) Ooh! ( contented sigh ) Hey, everybody, come on down to Bill's Family Buffet.
We're a family friendly eating establishment, because we believe in ( distorted voice ) loving, nurturing support BILL: of your appetite.
We would never ( distorted ) abandon you alone.
BILL: at a side table.
Why? When you can eat at a family-style table surrounded by the small, confusing helpless people you call your loved ones.
Loved ones you committed to feeding and not leaving.
At Bill's Family Buffet.
Hey, family! Guess who's got board games.
Uh, why is it so quiet in here? I'm a monster.
I don't get it.
Where is everybody? Thought I could take care of them, but I failed.
I did a bad thing.
Pickle, what are you talking about, man? All of them, I dumped them in a field.
Wow, Pickle, what? Have you lost your mind? I know, I know.
I'm a bad mom.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
Shsss.
Let's think about this.
Maybe maybe it's a good thing, right? Baby birds gotta leave the nest, leave that mama bird behind, spread those little wings out and stuff, and they're gonna maybe go out there and fly.
Aw, thanks.
It's just too much for me.
Yeah, you're teaching them the ultimate life lesson.
How to survive.
I mean, sure, some of them will be hit by cars, and some are not gonna learn how to make shelter or whatever, but it's the circle of life.
Hachuka matama, man.
You think the weak ones are gonna die? Peanut, we can't have that happen.
Come on, man, grab your pantyhose.
They're nowhere to be found.
This is right where I left 'em.
Oh, Pick.
- Is that one of their - Their little socks.
Never to caress a sweet tiny foot again.
( sobbing ) BOTH: Whoa! Pick, they're thriving here.
It's all okay.
Hey, everybody, mama bird is back.
Yes.
Gather round.
Come here.
Look, guys, after I ditched you, I realized a few things.
When I took you in, I made an oath to love and protect you.
When the going got tough, I'll admit, I flinched, but I see you guys doing A-OK on your own.
So let's let bygones be bygones, forgive and forget, and accept that this is nature's way.
It's the circle of life.
( vocalizing in African dialect ) Oh, hachuka matama.
( ferocious hissing ) Get off, you little weirdo.
What was that? Did you see that? Those things were horrible.
I hope they're not infectious, man.
That has to be the worst prize ever.
I don't know.
I bet every mama bird feels like this when her chicks leave their nest, - even though they turned into - Oh, yeah.
Really? Wow.
Super cool.
Yeah, that's amazing.
( heavy metal music playing ) Peep.
( laughs )
Hey, Pickle, what's with all the garbage in here? If you send in 300 of these thingies from the boxes, you win a prize.
Svenzeeohs? What kinda crazy foodstuffs is this? It's a nutritious and semi-delicious cereal I bought at the Recession Barn.
Let me get this straight.
You ate 300 boxes of this? It smells like wet fur.
And how did you figure out there's even a prize? This isn't a language.
This isn't even a usable font.
I can't figure out what the prize is, just that there is one.
I like to take chances, Peanut.
I'm kind of a daredevil.
And for your information, I didn't eat 300 boxes of Svenzeeohs.
I gave them to the ducks in the park.
Look, just 'cause it's called pantyhose doesn' mean you can make a sick wrestling match out of it.
- We can the Hose Bros.
- Uh, I don't know.
This feels pretty weird.
( doorbell rings ) ( gasps ) It's finally here! The cereal prize is finally here.
Peep.
( both gasp ) ( peeping ) What are they? ( peeping continues ) This has gotta be a massive mistake.
No, no, no.
Me Pickle.
What am you? ( peeping ) ( giggles ) They are kinda cute.
Ugh.
I think this one just peed.
( peeping ) Aw.
This one's burrowing.
( guffaws ) Okay, man, let's get 'em back in the box.
Huh? Why? This is no prize.
This is a burden.
Oh, I thought it was something cool like a whistle.
I think we should keep 'em.
I make a good Pops.
It'll be like those kittens I found, but this time, it'll end better.
You'll see.
It sounds like it's gonna be a lot of work and a real drag.
( purring ) Oh, come on.
We'll be a big, dumb family.
( laughing ) Ice cream.
( snoring ) ( heavy metal music playing ) ( turns music off ) Ha ha.
It's pretty stinkin' cute when one of these little ones tries to make a fist with his foot hand, isn't it? Wait, the little one that smells like clay, or the one that's growing a beard? Yeah, clay guy.
See, I knew you'd like this.
( turns music back on ) Let's order from Bill's tonight and get their family deal since it'll serve all five.
Five five fi-ay-yi-yi.
BOTH: Eww! Now that's how you make a baby.
Where are all these new ones gonna stay? What? Right here at their Papa Pickle, of course.
Pick, you're a big mama bird now, and this is your nest.
You're gonna sit down with those little birdlets, and their downy-soft butt feathers, and spit food in their mouths and junk.
You're right.
This mama bird is gonna bird the heck out of these guys.
( heavy metal music playing ) And that guy there, he sucked orifice.
Yeah, you gotta watch out for his bowel blaster.
You do not wanna be on the wrong end of that.
( laughs ) Whew, finally, he is home.
This babysitting stuff is tough.
I've been dealing with these guys for, like, an hour or something and I am beat.
Man, I don't know how you do it.
Besides, they coughed up, like, 50 more or something.
Oh, you didn't leave any money for food, so I just gave them a bunch of sugar packets I found.
All right, man, heading back to my house.
So, you know, gotta catch up on my beauty rest.
Hey, uh, can you stick around? No, man, I'm toast I gotta get some sleep.
You know I have a delicate system.
I gotta recharge my peanut battery.
Besides, I'm no good at this mama bird stuff.
But you, whoo, you're a natural, man.
Hasta pasta.
( all peeping ) ( alarm buzzing ) I have an idea.
Why don't we all go for a ride in the country? That's right, everybody in.
Come on, come on.
Who likes Svenzeeohs? Svenzeeohs? Yeah, yeah.
You like? Go get it, go get it then.
( hysterical laughter ) ( imitating gunfire ) Ooh! ( contented sigh ) Hey, everybody, come on down to Bill's Family Buffet.
We're a family friendly eating establishment, because we believe in ( distorted voice ) loving, nurturing support BILL: of your appetite.
We would never ( distorted ) abandon you alone.
BILL: at a side table.
Why? When you can eat at a family-style table surrounded by the small, confusing helpless people you call your loved ones.
Loved ones you committed to feeding and not leaving.
At Bill's Family Buffet.
Hey, family! Guess who's got board games.
Uh, why is it so quiet in here? I'm a monster.
I don't get it.
Where is everybody? Thought I could take care of them, but I failed.
I did a bad thing.
Pickle, what are you talking about, man? All of them, I dumped them in a field.
Wow, Pickle, what? Have you lost your mind? I know, I know.
I'm a bad mom.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.
Shsss.
Let's think about this.
Maybe maybe it's a good thing, right? Baby birds gotta leave the nest, leave that mama bird behind, spread those little wings out and stuff, and they're gonna maybe go out there and fly.
Aw, thanks.
It's just too much for me.
Yeah, you're teaching them the ultimate life lesson.
How to survive.
I mean, sure, some of them will be hit by cars, and some are not gonna learn how to make shelter or whatever, but it's the circle of life.
Hachuka matama, man.
You think the weak ones are gonna die? Peanut, we can't have that happen.
Come on, man, grab your pantyhose.
They're nowhere to be found.
This is right where I left 'em.
Oh, Pick.
- Is that one of their - Their little socks.
Never to caress a sweet tiny foot again.
( sobbing ) BOTH: Whoa! Pick, they're thriving here.
It's all okay.
Hey, everybody, mama bird is back.
Yes.
Gather round.
Come here.
Look, guys, after I ditched you, I realized a few things.
When I took you in, I made an oath to love and protect you.
When the going got tough, I'll admit, I flinched, but I see you guys doing A-OK on your own.
So let's let bygones be bygones, forgive and forget, and accept that this is nature's way.
It's the circle of life.
( vocalizing in African dialect ) Oh, hachuka matama.
( ferocious hissing ) Get off, you little weirdo.
What was that? Did you see that? Those things were horrible.
I hope they're not infectious, man.
That has to be the worst prize ever.
I don't know.
I bet every mama bird feels like this when her chicks leave their nest, - even though they turned into - Oh, yeah.
Really? Wow.
Super cool.
Yeah, that's amazing.
( heavy metal music playing ) Peep.
( laughs )