Poker Face (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
George.
I'm a murderer.
Look, Lou, I'm not
yanking your chain, okay.
Matter of fact, I just closed
on a massive beef rub deal.
I got a license deal with McCormick.
All we need is a few John Hancocks,
and the green will start rolling in.
Goddamn it, Taffy,
do you know who you borrowed from?
These are Dallas people.
They send someone down to deal with you,
they're gonna deal with you!
I got another call comin'
in, but hear me out.
Just tell 'em
everything's gonna be okay.
It's just, it's all in escrow, man.
All right, I'll talk to you. Bye. Whew.
Taffy Boyle speakin'.
Oh, hi. This is Michael Larson
from Port Arthur Bank and Trust,
- and I just wanted to go over
- Nope.
Got in a little trouble ♪
At the county seat ♪
Lawd, they put me
in the jailhouse ♪
Jamie, how's your ma doing?
Oh, her back's not so good.
Aw, shucks, you know, I'm gonna give her
a shoutout on the show tonight.
That'd make her week, Taff.
Sheriff, you better have a warrant
the way you harassing
that meat right there.
Brisket's so good, ought to be illegal.
Look here, everybody:
Don't forget to floss.
And remember what we like to say,
you know what our slogan is:
"We'll put the meat
in between your teeth,
but you gonna get it out."
Where have you been?
Come on, Mandy. Look,
I'm not a teleporter.
I got here as soon as I can.
You need to talk to your brother.
He's just been standing
in the meat locker
like some kind of ghost.
He's your husband. You know how he gets.
What's the problem
now? What, the new kid,
he used hickory instead of apple wood?
This is different, Taffy.
I've never seen him like this.
Hey, George.
We have built a temple of carnage.
You bet your ass, brother, we have.
Oh, whoa, wait a minute.
Uh, look, look here, George,
when we done with this beef rub deal,
okay, how about,
how about you and Mandy take a vacation,
go to the Gulf and celebrate.
It'd be your second honeymoon.
Matter of fact, here, I
got the contract right here.
We can get everything done right
I don't need a vacation.
I need out.
You need o-o-out of what?
Out of all of it.
The restaurant, the beef rub deal,
the self-perpetuating
cycle of endless cruelty.
I'm going vegan, Taffy.
Y y you're going vegan?
I no longer want to participate
in the sale of animal products.
Okay, uh, George,
you're a renowned pitmaster.
Your whole dang life
has been animal products.
Which is why this is hard for me.
I'd like to take my half of the business
and begin the next phase of my journey.
Come on, man, you know
I can't buy you out.
I don't save like you.
I already spoke to JJ Ruskin in town,
and he could take a look at our books.
He'll give us a fair shake.
What the fuck do JJ Ruskin
know about our books?
Huh? Why the fuck are you talking to
He don't know Look here,
let me tell you something,
I do my books a special way
It's only a certain
way I can understand.
JJ Ruskin not gonna understand
how to do my fucking
Hey, we're going to figure this out.
All right? Don't worry.
But this is happening.
Mandy, I feel like
like everything's closing in, you know?
I don't know what to do.
Okay
Now look here, y'all know
I love to run my mouth.
But you have to know that my
brother George is the real genius.
That's right. He could
take a piece of meat
and make it into something divine.
And you know what make
George so good at what he do?
Is how much he cares about the details.
Now look, I thought I'd
come by one last time,
to see if I can convince
you to change your mind.
Hmm?
You sure?
I'm sure.
How about we do this, let's, let's
Why don't we just sit here and enjoy
this beautiful sunset.
Mm.
Daddy's ax.
Remember all those
wood-splitting
competitions we would have?
- Mm-hmm. - I could
not beat you once.
I could not hold a candle
to my brother George.
And Daddy damn sure made
sure I knew that too.
Well, what good's a mean brisket
without butts on the benches.
You and Mandy made this place,
came up with the radio show.
Floss. People love the floss.
Yeah, they do love that floss.
You know, people take it home and
use it with they own food.
I'm really going to miss you.
I really am.
You're going to be all right without me.
I know.
Everybody! Why don't we give
it up for my brother George.
Why don't you try the vibration? ♪
It's number one in the nation ♪
Taffy, what are you still doing here?
- You're on in five.
- I'm going. I'm going.
Don't get your panties in a twist.
I said it's uptight, all right, yeah ♪
I got the feeling, yeah ♪
Baby, make it all right ♪
Got to do the vibration ♪
She's all ready for you, Mr. Boyle.
I appreciate that, Austin.
And here you go, here's a
little something for you.
Oh.
Enjoy that.
Hey, there, come on,
Belgrade, hmm?
Pineland. Carthage. Nacogdoches.
And any other straggler
that's tuning in.
You know what it is? It's your
source for everything barbecue.
BBQ-and-A.
And I'm your favorite host
Taffy Boyle.
But enough about me. I
want to hear from you.
Caller, you're on the line.
Got some happy customers here, Taff.
Say hi, everyone.
Hi, everyone!
Hello, everyone. Back to you.
Now, look, that voice
sounded really familiar to me.
Is that who I think it is,
my sister-in-law Mandy Boyle?
Hey, Mandy. Won't you do me a favor?
Kick off the show with
the first question.
What you eatin' there, Luce?
Best damn hot links in the state.
Ooh, best damn hot links in the state.
You know, so one of my favorite things
at Boyle Barbecue is the hot links,
and that's what this
show should be about.
So I think tonight
we ought to talk about
how the sausage gets made.
And I mean it literally.
Now, you guys know I
love to run my mouth,
but you have to know that my
brother George is the real genius.
That's right. He could
take a piece of meat
and make it into something divine.
And you know what make
George so good at what he do?
Is how much he cares about the details.
We used to buy our hot links
from a farm that shall go unnamed.
But my brother George had a problem
with the texture of the casing.
He said to me, "Taffy,
from now on, we're sourcing
our own intestines "
the intestine casing,
they're thinking about
the meat inside, and that's a mistake.
The intestine is like a beautiful ship
that brings the meat on a journey
Shit.
real careful, real gentle,
so they never see it comin'.
Hey! Where the fuck you come from.
Shoo!
Shh. Shh.
Get away from me.
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
I bet that's why folks like yourselves
keep comin' back again and again.
At Boyle's, we do everything we can
to make sure every last
bite is damn near perfection.
And I want you all to know,
we're mighty grateful to you.
Well, I hope that answered your question
but I've been goin' on about
hot links for long enough.
All right.
I think it's about time
we take another call.
How you feel about that?
I I I think it's, uh
I think it's time that we
take another call, okay?
How about that?
- Oh, here we go.
- Taffy Boyle.
Nobody should know that
much about sausages.
Oh, come on. Is that you again, Mandy?
You gotta give somebody
else a opportunity to talk.
- Come on, now.
- Well, I just had to call in
and tell you what a
damn windbag you are.
Oh, now I'm a windbag.
I really love that, huh.
Let me tell you something,
let you know now, if you
thought that was a lot,
we get plenty of more
show where that came from.
So you better buckle up, little lady.
We're buckled up, Taffy.
No more long rants about sausages.
Another great show, Taffy.
It's all about the details, my
friend. All about the details.
Uh, hey.
Hi. How you doing? Hi.
Your dog is in my car.
Uh, we don't have a dog.
We're a gas station.
Uh
Okay. Go on. Disperse.
Ow!
Jesus.
Out. Let's go. Out the car.
Out the car.
This was a fun bit, but,
ow, it's time to go. Go!
Oh geez, you're so strong.
What's wrong with you?
Ow, geez.
Oh wow, look at this.
Yummy, yummy pork rinds.
All doggies like that.
Come on. A little Hansel and Gretel.
Okay. You know what?
A little company might be nice.
Ugh. Ugh.
You know what, I'm
having some hard regrets
My hospitality.
Oh, Jesus. Okay, you know what,
how about some music. Yeah?
Tame the savage whatever.
No?
Did you know 85 percent of Mexicans
have criminal records.
- They're erasing us folks.
- Bullshit.
Us real Americans.
Oh!
Every day the wall goes unfinished
This is what you want to listen to.
and rapists arrive
on our hallowed soil.
MAGA dog. Perfect.
malfeasance on the
part of the government.
Listen carefully, Patriots.
The truth train's-a-comin'.
And there she blows, every
hour on the quarter here
at the Deep State Dispatch.
Oh my god, I'm snapping.
Okay? This is me snapping.
I am snapping right here.
You racist, homophobic,
anti-Semitic, flatulent,
just bad dog.
Bad dog!
Yeah, I said it. Uh-huh.
Oh, now you want to get out?
Oh, okay.
You bet your goose-stepping
fascist dog ass.
Very good. Go build a wall,
you jackboot piece of shit.
Oh!
Oh fuck.
Shit.
Hey, hey. Hey, hey,
you. Is that your dog?
Uh, no.
Okay. I just saw you let it
out. What do you mean, no?
That dog has ate $300 worth of
food, and you're gonna pay for it.
It was a couple of sausages.
Where did you get that math?
Look here, we got a problem,
I'll go tell the sheriff.
- He's right at table five.
- There is no need to jump to extremes.
I just, uh
I typically don't carry
around that kind of cash.
How much would you say
a spare tire is worth?
Hey, what's the problem here?
The problem is, is that
her little mangy mutt
has ate half a steer.
Okay, look, that dog is an asshole.
There's no daylight between
us on that. I just
Look, I'm kind of broke, and
I could really use a break.
We could always use a
extra hand in the pit.
George, okay, we're not
hiring some vagabond. Come on.
What do you say? Huh?
Work a shift, we call it square.
If you like it, you stay on.
Barbecue means many
things around the world.
But in Texas, it means beef.
And we like to keep things simple.
Meat, salt, pepper,
and the fourth ingredient, wood.
Now, our main smokers
use a blend of hickory,
apple, mesquite, and cherry.
Hmm, which one is this?
George, I got no idea.
Good barbecue is like a symphony,
playing on all five senses,
and a skilled conductor
can pick out each and every note.
When in doubt, try tasting it.
Ha, ha. You're adorable.
The reason brisket needs eight hours
is because of the stall.
What's the stall?
The first hour or two,
the temperature is steadily increasing
until you reach about 160.
Then you can get stuck there
for about four, five, even six hours.
See, the stall is where a
kind of alchemy takes place.
You pull it at 210,
let it rest for an hour,
and always slice
against the grain.
Now, you see that look
on your face right there,
that's what it's all about.
Mm.
So what's up with all the
floss? It's everywhere.
Taffy's big innovation
and our trademark quirk.
- I think it's great.
- Bullshit.
Okay, I hate it.
We do all this
and we leave our customers
with a putrid chemical cinnamon.
It's a air horn at the symphony.
Huh.
Meat poet. Look at you.
These animals give their lives,
and I believe in
honoring their sacrifice
by using every last part of them.
Are those, uh
dicks?
Tongue.
It is my absolute favorite
thing that we make here.
I use pecan just for this.
An unusual wood.
Hey. That smells different.
Mm-hmm.
Huh.
Does Mandy ever stay up here with you?
Hmm. She prefers the house in town.
Must get boring.
Nah.
Alone at night
I do my best thinking.
You can hear what the
universe is trying to tell you.
Yeah. Sounds boring. You a movie guy?
You like animals, right?
So, let's see, we got "Babe"
what else, "Charlotte's
Web," and we got "Okja."
Uh, I've only seen the
first half of that one,
but it's pretty cute so far.
Uh, oh and there's
George?
I'm a murderer.
So I just said it.
Taffy, I'm out.
So I'm out.
Wow.
Good for you.
You know, it took guts to do that.
And for what it's worth, I
don't think you're a murderer.
I think you're a good person, George.
You, uh
you live on the road, right?
Uh yeah. Yeah, I guess I do.
So what's it like?
To leave everything
behind and start fresh?
Well, it's, uh it's easy.
Too easy maybe.
A life of fresh starts.
But it suits me.
And, yeah, and you get to
meet all sorts of people
and all sorts of lives.
- All sorts of lies?
- Lives.
But, you know, sometimes I just,
I take a map, I pick a spot,
and I head there.
So what are you going to do?
I have no idea.
And that should scare me, but it don't.
- One thing I do know
- Charlie!
Where did you go?
Oh, I guess I kind of work here.
Well, I should probably go.
But, uh, what's the one thing you know?
- Don't leave me hanging.
- Charlie!
Go on. I'll tell you later.
Eh, I'll hold you to that.
Hope things don't get too
hectic in the pit without me.
Oh. Come on, I've had three
whole days of training,
I'm practically a pro.
Hot, hot, hot, holy hell.
Hot, hot.
- Geez.
- You know, we have fire gloves.
What? Oh God, great.
Okay, your timing is
just chef's kiss, Beto.
Another great show, Taffy.
It's all about the details, my friend.
All about the details.
How'd it go?
Fine.
Beto, I can't find the paprika.
Can you go ask George where it is?
It's
Help!
Help!
Uh
you know, I know it's
hard to move forward
from a tragedy like this,
but, um, me and Mandy
discussed this and
we think the best way to honor
my brother George's memory is, um
is by keeping Boyle's
Barbecue goin' strong.
This place here brings people together.
Puts smiles on their faces,
meat in their bellies.
And I know that's what
my brother George
I know that's what he would have wanted.
Bullshit.
Uh, hey, uh
I think I'm gonna hit the road.
You gonna be all right
in the kitchen without me?
It'll probably be easier.
I appreciate the honesty.
I, I know he was going
through some heavy stuff,
but he seemed
I don't know, happy.
I don't think that's so unusual
once people have made up their minds.
You think it could
have been an accident?
Nah. Sheriff confirmed it was a suicide.
He shut all the windows. He
locked it from the inside.
I had to force the door open myself.
George knew what he was doing.
All right, well, uh
Hey, um, if you see that fascist dog,
tell him he's a real asshole for me.
Here.
And again, very happy
to be in business with you.
But we could have waited
to finish the signing.
We know you're in mourning.
Look-look here, we
appreciate your condolences.
But as you know, more than anything,
my brother George cared about sharing
his signature beef rub with the world.
Taffy and I just really
feel it's important
to make his dreams a reality.
This last one is just an initial.
Welcome to the knitting
circle with me, Cathy Jay.
Today, I'll be debating the merits
of diamond honeycomb stitch,
with a very special guest,
my dear friend Meryl Beauregard.
You poor dumb little turd.
Ow, asshole.
He'll be fine after a few days' rest.
I mean, what kind of a
person runs a dog over
and then just leaves it there.
Oh, he wasn't run over.
Someone beat him with a piece of wood.
- What's that now?
- Yeah, it was brutal.
I extracted those from his head wound.
I'm also not certain
this dog is entirely dog.
It could be up to 25 percent jackal.
Oh. Behaviorally, that tracks.
You can tell by the teeth.
One was ripped out recently.
That's what first drew
my attention to the
What the fuck are you doing?
I thought you was leavin'.
Oh, I am. Yeah.
Just, uh, doing a wood thing,
'cause dog justice.
- You don't care.
- I don't care.
Uh
We are done.
Dallas guys are paid.
It is over.
No more bridge loan shit.
Yes, I'm in agreement.
There is going to be
some changes around here.
Okay. Change is good. Change is healthy.
From now on, I'm handling the finances.
Look, we done what
had to be done, right?
Now we can move on with our lives.
Yeah. Mandy, you thought of everything.
We should get back out there.
Put on a good show.
Yeah, I'm just trying
to figure out, like,
where was he, you know.
When was the last time you saw him?
Hey, Charlie.
Uh, what are you doing
here? Didn't you quit?
Oh, yeah, I did.
Uh, I'm just trying to figure out
When was the last time you
saw that fascist asshole dog?
Okay. Um, how about
we talk in my office?
All right. What are
you doing here, Charlie?
Oh, you know, I, I, I
think there's been a murder.
Murder?
Well, you know, not a murder
but an attempted murder, so I
I think someone tried to
kill that little shithead dog.
A dog?
You do know my brother just died, right?
Oh no, I know. And I'm very sorry.
Uh, I-I'm just,
I'm trying to figure out what happened.
So someone beat it with a log
over by your brother's trailer,
which, I mean, I get it.
That thing can be a real dick.
But then they moved it.
I mean, that's weird, right?
What do you mean they moved it?
Well, because of the pecan.
The pee-what?
The pecan wood?
Eh, I could hear when I tasted
there were traces
of pecan wood in the dog wounds.
And that means the
murder weapon came from
Okay. When did you become CSI?
Look, it's just a dead
dog in Texas. That's it.
Well, mm
I mean, it's not just though.
You've got two kind
of mysterious incidents
in very close proximity to each other.
My brother's death is not mysterious.
It's tragic.
Well
yeah, but now that we're
talking it through, uh
I think maybe the dog saw something
related to your brother's death.
- Like what?
- Like, I don't know.
- Malfeasance.
- Malfeasance?
Something that someone
didn't want it to see,
and they felt that the
dog had to be silenced.
I mean, you do know
dogs can't talk, right?
Well, nobody's saying dogs can talk.
So what are you saying, Charlie?
Well
he said he'd tell me later.
The last time George and I talked,
he said he'd tell me something later.
And he believed it.
And that means, you know,
he thought he'd be alive
at the end of the night.
Look
we're all taking this
really hard, Charlie.
Do you know I would
give all of this up
to have my brother back.
Bullshit.
Sorry.
You know what I think?
I think
you need to get the fuck out of town
and don't show your
face around here again.
Because in Texas,
no matter if you're canine or other,
we do not smile kindly on trespassers.
Is that purely decorative?
Not entirely, no.
Shit.
Well, yeah, I know,
but he basically said
he'd shoot me if I go back there.
Look, you might be right,
but we don't have any proof.
I don't know, I just say we move on,
fresh start, you know,
put all this behind us.
Avenge you? I don't even like you.
Fine. Listen, you got to stay here.
Remember, you're a wanted bitch.
Just all right,
I'll put on the sicko.
I don't know about you,
but what I do in the bathroom
definitely ain't "gender neutral."
Ugh.
Just don't bark.
I'm so sorry, Taffy.
I'd rather break my heart in two ♪
Thank you.
Than have you spread the word around ♪
Every time you put me down ♪
An air horn at the symphony.
Hmm.
The heck are you doin'?
The door was locked from the inside,
but that's where the cinnamon
floss comes into play.
Right? Cinnamon floss?
I guess I'm not over the part
where you're a human lie detector.
Yeah, I know. It's,
uh, it's crazy, but
My favorite color is yellow.
Bullshit.
- I grew up in Old Dime Box.
- Bullshit.
I grew up in Tanglewood.
Wow.
You ever gamble? 'Cause
you could make a killing?
Nah.
I loved my husband.
How about that one?
Out of my purview.
I loved how much he loved what he did.
And then one day he wakes up
and decides he hates the thing
that he devoted his life to.
He thinks it's murder.
I can only imagine that.
I still don't believe he wanted to die.
Malfeasance, you said.
Yeah.
I think so.
Well, I mean, Taffy's got a solid alibi.
We all heard him on the radio.
these
Chinese sonar attacks
have caused a 30 percent increase
in homosexuality amongst our teens.
Their beams are able to
traverse vast differences
- Oh, my God, bullshit.
- and unlock the hormones
associated with unholy desires!
And I'm going to tell you
how to protect yourself
from these sonar attacks.
But, uh, up first, one
of my favorite records,
"Filles de Kilimanjaro" by Miles Davis.
Enjoy.
Hey, uh, how can I help you?
Hanky T. Pickens.
Wait, all this, it's all a gag?
I knew you didn't really
believe any of this crap.
Yeah. Well, I also hate jazz,
but, uh, that doesn't stop me from doing
Midnight Cool with Dr. James.
Oh, my God. The doctor is in
the groove.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, I, I have logged a lot
of miles listening to you, man.
You're blowing my mind right now.
What else do you do?
The Morning Buzz with Jimmy the Jerk.
- No.
- The Knitting Circle with Cathy Jay.
Fucking Cathy.
Y la Poderosa Super con DJ Sanchez.
Oh, I, I'm not sure that
one's cool to do anymore.
Yeah. You know, I was a
theater major in school,
and there's a lot of
hours to fill in here.
Uh, you work at, at Boyle's, right?
Yeah. How do you know that?
You kind of smell like a fireplace.
But not in a bad way.
Yeah, I guess I came here to scope out,
poke around something.
I don't know what I
actually thought I'd find.
Uh, were you here for
last night's BBQ-and-A?
Sure, sure. Uh, Taffy brings me brisket.
Uh, did he leave at
any point during the show?
No. I was sitting right
out there the whole time,
and he never came out.
Can I ask you a weird favor?
When were you gonna tell me you beat
a dog within an inch of its life?
Um
I wasn't.
Well, now we've got a big problem.
Here you go. Whole BBQ
hour from last night.
Wow. Thanks for your help.
Literally any time.
I cannot overstate how bored I am.
Uh, I think I know how he did it.
Oh, Charlie. You scared me.
I've been listening
to last night's show,
and there's this 16-minute
stretch with no live calls,
where Taffy's just
going on about sausage.
So if he had prerecorded that,
well, he could have snuck
out and killed George then.
Wow, that's, I mean, that's crazy.
But would that have been enough time?
Well, actually, yes. I, I tested it.
Gah! Fuck you, Dog.
Dog.
The one piece I can't figure out is that
in order to have prerecorded that,
he would have had to know
that he was going to get
a question about hot links.
- He did.
- Oh, he did?
He asked me to cue him.
It's something we've done before
when we're trying to move
a particular cut of meat.
Like you just go up to
someone who's eating it?
Yeah.
Wow. So, I mean, this is,
this is some serious shit, Charlie.
I mean, this is a murder accusation.
- Can you prove it?
- Prove it?
What, like cop prove it, prove it?
No, very much not.
But goddamn, I swear,
there's a piece missing.
You know, something that would
tie the whole room together.
It's, it's, it's right
on the edge of my brain
just driving me nuts.
Well, if you do find real proof,
you come to me first, okay?
I'm, I'm tight with the sheriff,
and we can go to him together.
Good night, Charlie.
Paprika.
Paprika?
Yeah, just this stupid little
thing that's been bugging me.
'Cause mostly when people lie,
it's for some dumb "who cares" reason,
which I'm sure this is.
So last night in the kitchen,
you said you didn't know
where the paprika was,
but y-you did know.
So why were you lying about the paprika?
It was hectic.
There was a lot going on,
and I wanted Beto to find it.
To find it?
Right.
Look, Charlie, I like you.
And if Taffy really is
who you say he is, then
well, he must be very dangerous.
For your own safety, I
think your best move is
to hit the road, get a fresh start.
God, I told you to be quiet.
I'm trying to think.
Hey.
Hey. Didn't I tell you not to
show your face around here again?
I know what you did,
you shit-kicking psycho.
Why don't you do me a
favor and just get out?
Nope. 'Cause I got proof.
Cop proof.
Something you missed, and
it's going to put you away.
- Oh really?
- Well, at first,
it was a lot of little things.
Dog tooth in the ashes,
cinnamon floss, George's beer.
You know, I sniffed the bottle,
and it didn't smell like anything.
And I thought, what
are you doing, Charlie?
You're not a poison sniffer.
And anyway, you wouldn't use a poison
that would show up in an autopsy.
You'd use Ambien or something.
But what does Ambien even smell like?
But what's weird was
it really didn't smell like anything.
I mean, not even beer.
You see, someone had
washed out the bottle.
I mean, who washes out a bottle of beer?
So you think George was killed
because somebody rinsed
out a beer bottle?
Well, then there was your radio show.
I listened to it over and over,
like I was Gene Hackman or something.
- Gene Hackman?
- I was looking for a sound.
Uh, something that would prove
that you recorded it ahead of time.
And I found nothing.
Of course, you didn't.
But then I realized it wasn't a sound.
It was the absence of a sound.
Sort of like the beer but for the ears.
The truth train. You know, it
goes by every hour on the quarter.
I You can hear it
in all the other shows.
You should have been able to
hear it in last night's BBQ-and-A,
but it's not there.
Oh.
So, let me get this straight.
You think that I could
be charged for murder
because you didn't hear
the sound of a a train.
Probably not.
But that's when I found the real proof.
The thing that's gonna
put your ass away.
Well, I'm going to explain it to you
in great detail right now.
You see
- Hello?
- We're fucked.
She's got us dead to rights.
Taffy? What are you talking about?
That nasty little blonde.
She can prove we killed George.
Wha ?
Okay, calm down, Taffy.
Tell me what happened.
I'm going to call the sheriff.
Tell him everything.
Maybe he'll cut us a deal.
Taffy, do not.
That is the last thing we should do.
I'm scared, baby.
I'm so scared. I can't go to prison.
Well, maybe if you'd stuck to my plan
and hadn't attacked that fuckin' dog,
she wouldn't be on to us.
Don't do anything.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
See you soon, sweetheart.
Which seems inconsequential
until you consider the atmospherics.
The high yesterday was 72 degrees.
Humidity: 84 percent.
Wind: Four miles per hour from the east.
Not an unusual set of
conditions in and of themselves,
but nothing exists in a vacuum.
Consider: Do you know the
smoke point of hickory?
- No.
- 570 degrees.
That's 570 degrees.
I'm going to let you ponder
the implications of that for a moment.
Charlie, what the fuck
are you talking about?
Look, look, I've been
hearing your bullshit
this whole time for 20 minutes straight,
and it doesn't make any fuckin' sense.
Now, for Pete's sake,
could you do me a favor
and just let me know what
this undeniable evidence is?
It doesn't matter.
- What?
- Eh, doesn't matter.
Because I just got a confession, so.
I haven't confessed to anything.
Oh, no, not yours.
What the hell is all this, huh?
It's what your brother taught me.
The most important part of the cook
it's the stall.
What?
There he is!
There's my husband's killer.
Which will conclusively prove
George Soros' role in
orchestrating the plandemic.
But first, dear patriots,
the truth train has
brought us a conspiracy
in our own backyard.
Now, you may think you know the story,
brotherly bloodshed at Boyle's Barbecue
where the side of the day is fratricide.
But it turns out there's one more layer
of this bloomin' onion
left to peel back.
Now, feast your ears on this.
I'm scared, baby. I'm so scared.
I can't go to prison.
Well, maybe if you'd stuck to my plan
and hadn't attacked that fuckin' dog,
she wouldn't be on to us.
Shit.
Now, it's like I always say,
there's a whole lot
of bullshit out there.
So I'd like to give a special shoutout
to the truth tellers.
Those real-life heroes
that can sniff it on out.
See, they're our only
hope against Soros,
Pelosi, the Zionists,
the Mexicans, the snowflakes,
and the local
I'm so glad I found you ♪
Stay strong, truth tellers.
Stay strong.
Let me put my arms around you ♪
And we'll rock till
the break of dawn ♪
This feels like heaven ♪
Just you and me ♪
This feels like heaven ♪
Oh yes, indeed ♪
Yes, you know you
stand here in my arms ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all night long ♪
Feels like heaven ♪
Just you and me ♪
I'm in my glory ♪
Oh yes, indeed ♪
Mmm, seems like a story ♪
Just you and me ♪
Well, you know you're
standin' here, kissing my lips ♪
You make my poor heart go ♪
This feels like heaven ♪
Just you and me ♪
I'm so glad I found you ♪
'Cause I was all alone ♪
Let me put my arms around you ♪
And we'll rock till
the break of dawn ♪