Prank or Tank (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
Escorpión Dorado and Facundo
face each other
in ten extreme challenges
across the country.
These challenges have been created
by iconic people from their past
who are out for revenge.
Today, Lolita Cortés will test
their endurance.
He's such a big baby.
The winner of each challenge
will be awarded money
that will later be donated to a charity.
But the loser will suffer
a humiliating and painful punishment.
This is Prank or Tank.
PRANK OR TANK
The competitors are almost neck and neck.
With six challenges ahead,
choosing a winner won't be easy.
Facundo is currently behind
with only 50,000 pesos,
which is a lot less than Escorpión,
who accumulated a total of 150,000 pesos.
-Again
-Fuck it up, fuck it up!
No pressure.
Victory!
At least we're just getting started
and I have time to get even.
-We'll see.
-Gentlemen.
-Sorry, I was showering.
-What are you doing?
-You forgot your chest. It's here.
-Another one?
-Ready?
-Yes.
-Yummy, man.
-What's that?
-No idea.
-It's a sandwich.
Why are you naked? It's gross.
I was showering.
It'd be okay if you were sexy like me,
but you're not, so get out.
He's got slutty boobs.
-Hey!
-Yeah. Wear a bra.
I got a message from Lolita Cortés.
-You're kidding.
-I'm not, man.
-You have her number?
-Her son and I are friends.
Gentlemen, how are you?
Believe it or not, I actually like you.
That's why I agreed to meet you
and give you two tests
that will measure your endurance.
Have you ever been to Chiapas?
Meet me there
and I'll explain the challenges.
Are you in for the prank,
or will you tank?
You're fucking kidding.
Of course, the jungle.
This is the jungle?
What's the point of the sandwich?
She thinks we're hungry.
You need to eat.
-Let's go, dude.
-Let's go.
Chiapas, here we come!
-Intern, here. You're hungrier than me.
-Thanks.
PRANK OR TANK
So, we're headed to Chiapas.
And, with Lolita Cortés as a guest,
anything could happen.
From Monterrey to Huixtla in a Jeep, dude.
Hell yeah!
Yeah right. Where's the glamor?
I'm starting to think
that the show's real punishment
is having to put up with Escorpión.
-No way.
-They crashed. Who's the idiot?
Who's the idiot?
It's us. We're lost.
-You're right.
-I know.
No turning back now.
-What did I tell you?
-You missed six exits,
-but since you're a know-it-all
-I'm sick of this.
-I want to get to Huixtla already.
-Sure. Which way to Huixtla?
-They said that way.
-No, it's this way.
Let's ask for directions.
I have to pee first. Then, we can ask.
Ask that man.
-Young man!
-Sir!
-How do we get to Huixtla?
-You're going to Huixtla?
-Simón.
-I'd like to come with you.
I was bored at home,
but, since it's my birthday,
I thought "Let's play the guitar
and see who wants to party."
You'll get lost.
Besides, it's my birthday.
-It's your birthday?
-Yeah.
-Happy birthday.
-Happy birthday.
Let's keep partying.
Isn't it a bit irresponsible
to give a ride to a stranger
-that looks like a drug dealer?
-I'm not afraid of death.
-It's fine.
-But we're afraid of you.
I'm a professional singer.
I've been singing for 25 years.
-What are you doing, man?
-I'll go with you.
You're getting in?
I'll go with you.
We just wanted to find a good Samaritan
to show us the way,
and this guy wants a ride
and gets in the fucking car.
-What's your name, sir?
-It's Don Ernesto.
-Don Ernesto.
-Who made you "Don"?
-You have to earn that title.
-People call me that.
-The people
-What people?
-The people here.
-There's nobody.
Do you write your own songs?
Yes, I got one that goes
A love date
I need with you
-He sings well.
-Yes.
Where we can be alone
-Is that yours?
-Yes, sir.
-It's nice.
-Yeah.
You like to sing, right?
-It's what I do.
-You should learn to do it right.
Do you know any rock songs?
-Of course.
-Like what?
You're in good company, but don't forget
that two challenges are waiting for you.
The loser will suffer
a humiliating punishment.
You're dozing off, asshole!
When the rain starts falling
You see? We're here.
-Yeah.
-Told you so!
You're the worst thing to happen to me,
and I already had Facundo.
Fuck dude!
If they thought
that getting to Huixtla was hard,
wait until they see Lolita's challenges.
Among the trees, I saw a figure.
A tiny one, but still a figure.
My dear Lolita Cortés.
Awesome! I thought you'd bail on me.
Name: Lolita Cortés.
Also known as: The Iron Judge.
Challenges: Endurance.
Reason for revenge: Slander.
Lolita wants revenge for all the times
Escorpión slandered her
by saying they were in a relationship.
Grudge level: 7.8.
Honestly, me too.
Don Ernesto actually bailed.
How are you guys?
I can tell that you're lacking endurance.
-I'll give you two challenges.
-Okay.
Yes, two.
-I bet it's singing and dancing.
-To see who's the strongest and the best.
Yeah, sure. I'll explain.
You'll go on a zip line.
But you'll have to prepare
a delicious starter,
a main course, and a drink.
And all of this
while your opponent shoots at you.
So, we'll kill each other?
Lolita Cortés
She's good at many things.
She sings, she dances, she acts
But she can't create challenges.
Zooming down a fucking zip line
while preparing
Who would think of that?
I'll judge you on your preparation,
creativity, your presentation
What do you think?
-There's no other option.
-Who's first?
Dr. Volados, come in, please.
Dr. Volados, please, we need you.
-Who's first? Ready?
-Ready.
Everything's ready.
-Let's see.
-Yeah.
-Let's see who's first.
-One, two, three.
Facundo!
Come on, baby, you can do it!
The first challenge is
The Culinary Zip Line!
Here's your tostada, beans, cheese
-Okay.
-Everything is in here.
So, here's how this will go.
Whoever prepares the best looking
and most complete dish will win.
For starters: A tostada.
Watch out for your opponent's shots.
You're right!
Okay. See you, idiots!
-Come on. Start making it!
-Okay!
-Make it!
-A good tostada.
It broke!
Cream
There's your tostada. No
Did he even shoot me?
When? I didn't feel it.
He thinks he's a chef,
but he's barely a busboy.
-Ready?
-Sort of.
One, two, three!
Let's go! Beans!
He dropped something. The cheese.
He's done?
The power blinded me.
Good one, Escorpión.
Look, it's the intern's breakfast.
No fucking way! Son of a bitch.
I'll show him.
All of his shots were awful.
So, to make him feel better,
I put out my elbow.
The main dish is a sandwich.
Or, if you're from Jalisco, a lonche.
Here's a baguette and the mayonnaise.
Ready? Don't drop anything.
-Goodbye!
-Goodbye!
Yeah, make it! You can do it!
Tomato!
Fuck!
It hurts!
I actually felt a few good shots.
I have to admit that it really hurts.
-How many hit you?
-Like three.
-Where?
-Here, look. One.
Two. And another one back here, dude.
Right on his ass.
And to help the meal go down,
they have to make micheladas.
This fits perfectly in here.
I'll leave it open for easy access.
When that asshole flies by,
bully him and throw stuff at him.
-One, two, three!
-Bye, idiots!
-Oh, no! No!
-Lime, ready!
I dropped something.
Okay, beer.
Escorpión, Escorpión, Escorpión!
Regardless of how bad it is,
I'll still drink it.
Did you get shot?
Just here.
The only one in my entire life.
Do you have what I asked for?
The glue? Check this out.
-Fuck, Lolita.
-He got a cut and he's whining.
This will stop the bleeding.
-Ready.
-Kiss me.
Pro tips with Lolita Cortés.
Now, pay attention.
This paintball gun has 30 rounds.
One is for Escorpión.
The other 29 are for those
who root for him.
Go, go, go. No!
What the Go!
Come on, Escorpión!
Bring me a michelada!
Thank you!
Who's rooting for Escorpión?
Who's rooting for Escorpión?
I made exactly what I wanted.
Some sauce with a hint of beer.
We have to wait for Lolita, right?
-She's coming.
-Can I shoot at her?
Now that they went down the zip line,
I'll show them how to fly.
Let's fly!
Fly, Lolita! Fly!
Lolita's stuck in the middle.
We'll have to go rescue her.
I'll show them how to fly.
how to fly how to fly.
Damn it. Are we going to have
to work together to rescue her?
I still have all that to go?
Lola, don't jump!
-I'm too light. This is ridiculous.
-What happened?
Grab onto this!
-Okay, see you tomorrow.
-Save me!
They're useless.
A charming Tarzan showed up and helped me.
-Careful!
-Hi!
-We almost lost Lolita, dude.
-For real.
It looked like
the end of the road for her.
We'd lose half of Mexico's
performing arts.
No way.
I'm too small.
After her life was saved,
it's time for the judge to decide
which chef sucked less.
-I'll choose the winner.
-Expert.
-She's a foodie.
-She also judges food.
-A real expert.
-No way.
This is the ugliest sandwich
that's ever existed in the culinary world.
No way, it's vegan.
The tostada looks horrible.
This is terrible.
This one looks really good,
so let's try it.
She's eating it.
Delicious, right?
-I'll try it.
-A great tostada.
She's eaten worse things
while doing theater,
so she's fully immune.
On to the sandwich.
This sandwich is
This looks really sparse.
Where's the tomato,
and everything I gave you?
-It's got tostadas.
-Gross.
It's got ham.
It's got mayonnaise.
I'd never try that gross sandwich
Escorpión made.
Michelada. Michelada.
-Michelada, yes.
-Okay.
It's puke.
No, it's good.
So good!
-It's spicy.
-It'll kill her.
-There's something floating in it.
-It's the sauce.
It's got little bugs.
This is drinkable, this one isn't.
-Exactly.
-That's false.
-The winner is
-Undisputed.
the one who withstood everything,
including flying, with energy.
Facundo!
-Thank you!
-Yes, sir.
-No.
-Yes, sir.
Here's the score.
Facundo won this round
and adds 50,000 to his pool.
This means he's getting closer
to catching up to Escorpión.
-Please, put the chest here.
-Of course.
So, this chest will lead you
to your next challenge.
-Can I open it?
-Go ahead.
-This is for the next challenge.
-Yes.
Let's see.
Check this out.
-What is it?
-A flashlight.
-What's a flashlight for?
-Turn it on.
What's this?
Ice?
Is this ice or dice?
No, no, it's ice.
-You want me to
-What's this about?
get it on with Facundo.
No! Stop!
-I thought
-Dear God.
Think it over. I have to go.
-Wet T-shirts?
-I gotta go.
Don't get on the zip line again,
because
-Shut up, idiot.
-We almost lost you.
Goodbye, Lolita.
Hopefully the ice is
to soothe Escorpión's burn.
-Give me the keys. I'll drive.
-No, I'll drive.
-Give me the keys.
-You're worked up. You'll crash.
-The keys.
-I don't have them. Hand them over.
-Yeah, dude
-Intern.
Where are the keys?
"If you want your keys,
follow the arrows. Lola Cortés."
-No way
-I knew it!
What did you know, idiot?
A classic Lola Cortés move.
-She steals keys?
-It's typical of her.
-Damn Lola.
-You wouldn't get it
What arrows?
There's one. There's another one.
Damn it.
-What's that?
-Fucking hell.
Another classic Lola Cortés move?
Who does that fucking intern think he is?
Damn accomplice.
He's always lurking in the back.
He's really fishy.
So, they have to follow the arrows
to find the car keys,
but where's Lolita taking them?
What's she planning?
And more importantly,
will they have to eat bat poop?
Here's another arrow.
Lolita!
Look, some idiot is going to get iced.
-No.
-Poor idiot.
-It's not for us.
-You think?
It's gotta be a test.
There's no way that Lolita came here
to fill a pool with ice.
I don't think she had time.
She left only a bit ago.
I hate the cold.
I hate anything related
to enduring freezing temperatures.
Let's hear the message.
Let's see what I got.
Hey, guys. How's the place?
A bit cold, isn't it?
That giant ice pool
is currently at minus 5 degrees.
You'll have to search it for several keys
and try each one
until you find the one
that opens the acrylic box
that contains the keys to your truck.
Whoever finds it will win this challenge.
Use all the stamina you have,
because you're gonna love the punishment!
Damn Lolita.
What's wrong with her Lolita!
What's wrong with all of you?
I'm used to bathing
in fucking steaming hot Jacuzzis.
Come on, for real, dude?
Come on, we're overthinking it.
-Are we doing this?
-Yeah.
The Human Ice Bucket!
I don't want to! I don't want to.
No, enough!
This is horrible, dude.
I already feel horrible.
My hand's freezing.
I see one.
Here's one. They're tied down with string.
I have to get out of here.
-Move it.
-I can't, man.
I can't move.
Your fucking legs go numb from the cold
and it feels like you're standing
on blocks of wood.
If this isn't it,
I'm not going back in there.
It won't even go in.
Okay, go get another one.
Move aside, man! It's not that key.
It's not this one either!
I can't believe I'm going back in.
My fucking hand will fall off.
This is torture, dude.
Fuck off!
Say your line, Escorpión.
Junk in the trunk!
My rear end is feeling the freeze.
I was having a really rough time.
Move it. I can't take it anymore.
Don't drop them,
we won't know which ones are bad.
No fucking way!
No fucking way, man!
-How'd you open it?
-With a key
-I found it in the pool, idiot.
-You're lying.
I'm sure someone gave him the key
so he could open it.
You're fucking kidding me.
He didn't even stick his head in.
-It's the right one, man.
-Hug me.
-Hug me.
-Of course.
-You're freezing.
-You're warm.
At least the ice didn't go to waste.
Right, Don Ernesto?
Aren't you suffering, dude?
I'm fucking pissed off.
I got rid of all the bad keys
so you could get the right one.
-So you?
-It was teamwork.
I say we each deserve half of the win
because we had to rule out keys.
Dude, that was worse
than any possible punishment.
Okay. I'd say we're even.
-We're even.
-Yeah.
Lolita Cortés,
from the bottom of my heart,
-I fucking hate you.
-Me too.
Facundo didn't only win this episode,
racking up 100,000 pesos,
but he also wins an award
for the best reactions.
Let's see them again.
-Open the door. You got the key.
-I'll open it.
-You must be happy.
-Get in.
When we get home,
Lolita's going to pay for this.
Yeah.
Where do you want to be humiliated?
We're off to San Cristóbal.
Folklore, food, and humiliation!
I hope Escorpión's ready
for the punishment he's about to get.
What can I say? Welcome?
Good morning? Some coffee?
-Don't talk to me.
-It's just a punishment.
I'm sick of you, asshole, I
I'm ready to bail on all this.
You lose once and you act like a diva?
-This can't be.
-Okay.
-This can't be.
-It's here.
-Let's see.
-It's that crowd.
-That crowd.
-Move aside.
-Make way!
-Make way!
No way, the zombies are attacking!
The zombies!
The zombies are attacking us!
What's up, zombies?
The zombies!
HELP!
They want an autograph!
After crossing that horde of fans,
they're ready to meet their real enemies.
Party!
This party looks pretty good.
Right?
I expected a punishment,
but this looks fun.
Look, they even have cake.
-Want some?
-Wait.
I'm actually offering you some.
Production, want some? Yeah!
They're hungry. See? Cameraman.
I've always loved kids more than adults.
They're like fun little drunk guys.
I thought this would be a punishment.
No way, there's booze?
-I got a message.
-What are you drinking?
It's Lolita. Listen.
Lolita sent a message.
Hit it, hit it, hit it!
It's not a party without a piñata.
Today you'll be the life of the party.
Cool.
Your punishment is
to be the piñata at this party.
Hey, listen!
-The piñata?
-Bravo!
-What does she mean?
-Sounds good!
-Pajamas. She said pajamas.
-That sounds good!
Pajamas or piñata?
No way.
It's a good thing I'm tough and buff,
or I'd be crying right now.
I think this is your piñata costume.
Who's going to hit the piñata hard?
-Me!
-Me!
Me too!
Prank or tank?
Prank or tank?
Prank or tank?
The kids looked really innocent,
so we gave them cake, soda,
and we got them all pumped up
and aggressive.
-Let's go! Who'll go first?
-Me!
-I'm dizzy.
-Come on!
-Stop!
-Hit him! Hit him!
Okay, kids. Take turns hitting him.
Hit him hard, okay?
What's going on here?
-You hit like a kid.
-It's a party.
Don Ernesto!
How are you?
It's great to see you, buddy!
-Give me that. Down the hatch.
-Cheers.
It's my birthday.
Move aside, kids.
I'll teach you how to hit!
-This is hitting!
-Don't do that to me.
Want to see how it's done?
-No, no!
-Let me have a go at the piñata.
-Watch it!
-That hurt.
Hit him, hit him!
You got a great piñata!
Get him out of here, Don Ernesto!
Get him out of here.
Jaime Duende doesn't exist.
It's your parents.
That Jaime
He might be inappropriate.
But I like him. Everyone does.
Bye, you snotty kids!
Finish kindergarten first!
-Let's get some beers.
-Jaime, I'm still here!
Jaime!
These assholes went too far.
They went way too far. I have my limits.
Okay, that's enough.
You can let me down now.
-Hey! Let me down!
-You little bitch.
No! Enough! I mean it!
Get me down!
Servants! Hey, wait.
Get me down from here.
This wasn't in my contract! Get me down!
You can't leave me hanging.
I'm your god.
I'm the king of this fucking show.
Who will get me down from here?
I'm the star!
Facundo managed to tie with Escorpión
and now they each have 150,000 pesos
in their pool.
Let's see who takes the lead
in the next episode.
PRANK OR TANK
I hope it bites and kills you!
What are you feeling?
-A tingling
-Burning?
From my toes to my hands.
Fuck this!
OMG!
No way!
-Guys.
-Oh, no.
Now it's getting good.
Really good.
The edge!
That's it.
This defines the competition.
Three, two, one!
You win or you die!
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're about to announce the winner.
PRANK OR TANK