Punky Brewster (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

1
[dramatic rock music]
♪
- You're bluffing.
- [scoffs] I happen to have
a great poker face.
- This is your
"holding good cards" face
your "holding bad cards"
face
your "need to go
to the bathroom" face
and your bluffing face.
I won a lot of Go Fish
at Fenster Hall.
- Ha! That was my "bluffing
I was bluffing" face.
- Game recognize game.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Uh-oh, here comes the dance.
- If you stop,
I'll give you all my chips.
- Can't stop, won't stop,
can't stop!
Okay, I'll stop.
So
anybody got any big plans
for the weekend?
'Cause a little birdie told me
that you have a date with Sean.
- Okay, who told you?
- Chirp.
I tried to hold out, but
she bribed me with a banana.
She knows my weakness.
- Hannah, if you can't talk to
your mom about boys and dating,
who can you talk to?
- Literally anybody else.
And it's not a date, Mom.
It's just a hang.
- What's the difference?
- The word "date" is stressful,
and we are
an anxious generation.
- So where are you hanging?
- Hannah has left
the conversation.
- Okay, that is definitely
your "I have to go
to the bathroom" face.
- No, it's my "teenage daughter
is a pain in the butt" face.
And also, I have to go
to the bathroom.
- See? I'm good.
- Two, three ♪
- Hey! ♪
Hey, hey ♪
- Every time
I turn around ♪
- Hey, hey ♪
Hey,
hey ♪
- Is this what being a parent
of a teenager feels like?
Being excited
that she has a first date
but frustrated that
she won't tell you anything
about the boy or the date?
- You've got to be patient.
Being a parent of
a teenager gets better.
- When?
- When they're no
longer a teenager.
[laughs]
In fact, this is what we give
the teens over at Fenster Hall.
- "Explore your hormones."
Been there, done that.
Have the tattoo on my ankle
to prove it.
This would have given Henry
a heart attack.
All I wanted
when I was Hannah's age
was a mom to talk to.
And you know Henry was great,
but whenever I would talk
about boys, he'd go
La la la la la
la la la la ♪
Do you remember
when Jimmy kissed me
at the kissing rock
at Camp Kookalookie?
Ah, but my first real kiss
was Brett Forman.
Holy macanoli.
- Oh, the kiss that changed
my life: Rebecca Hilbert.
Lots of sparks.
- I miss sparks.
- Well, let's go get you some.
Girl, let me see
your dating app.
- Mm. There's this one guy
I've been talking to.
EvanLovesDogs77.
- Ooh, cute name, cute guy.
And he's got a daughter.
He's a #GirlDad.
I like him already.
[knock at door]
- Hey.
I think I left
one of my old lyric books here
when I dropped Diego
off from soccer.
I'll just be a sec.
- Hannah's got a date.
- Yeah, I know.
It's tomorrow night, right?
But it's more of just a hang.
- You knew about it?
- Of course. I'm her dad.
Oh, she didn't tell you.
- Why am I not in the loop?
- Ah, don't worry about it.
One of us has to be
the cool parent.
I'm sure there's all sorts
of boring stuff
you know about
that I don't.
- I have a date, too.
There's something
you didn't know.
- Really?
Oh. Okay, cool.
Totally good with that.
- That's big of you,
since we're divorced
and you have a girlfriend.
- Thank you very much.
What's up, Izzy?
- I'm making an "everything
in the fridge" sandwich.
Can you pass me
that whipped cream?
Hungry?
- I think I'll just watch
you explode.
Hey, this musician I love wants
me to write a song for him,
but all my good ideas are in my
lyric book, which I can't find.
It's not in that sandwich,
is it?
- I write songs.
Maybe I can help.
Pretty sandwich,
about to be in my belly ♪
Pretty sandwich, love you
'cause you're smelly ♪
- Rock on, sister.
- I am down
with this EvanLoveDogs77 guy.
I mean,
he enjoys being a parent
and he doesn't list the "school
of life" as his education.
- Okay, let's go for it.
"Hey, EvanLovesDogs77,
want to
hang out tomorrow night?"
Dog emoji.
What if he doesn't
[cell phone chimes]
Hey, he said yes.
- Oh!
Punky Brewster is back.
- Hannah, you and I
both have first dates.
- Great, because when I think
about my first date,
I want to be thinking
about my mom.
- Oh, and Aunt Cherie
gave us a pamphlet
to talk about our bodies.
- Even worse.
- How's this?
- Boring!
You're not going to church.
- Okay, well, now
I'm running out of clothes.
Is this better?
- I like that for you.
It says "I'm casual, I'm cool,
and I'm 100% hottie."
- [gasps softly]
Thank you.
By the way,
pro tip when dealing with Mom:
don't blurt things out without
knowing exactly what she knows,
because I wasn't dying for her
to hear about my plans.
- Sorry.
Rookie mistake.
Still getting used
to this whole sister stuff.
- Me too.
[sighs]
- You nervous?
- So nervous.
- Hey, you got the good sister.
And remember,
if it doesn't work out,
there are other options.
It's a numbers game.
- How do you know so much
about this stuff?
- My mom dated a lot.
"Remember, you can't be
that thirsty.
Otherwise you're never
gonna get a drink."
- What does that mean?
- I have no idea.
[warm acoustic music]
- Remember, this is
only a date.
Nobody can replace you two,
so don't worry.
- We weren't
Until you just said that.
- Whoa, you need to see this.
- Did you see dirt on Sean?
- No, your date
Mr. EvanLovesDogs77.
Once you've seen this,
you can't unsee it.
He's an adult man
in a wizard costume.
Should have been a hard pass.
- I think the cloak is baller.
Hit me.
I don't know
if I'm more nervous
about my date or Hannah's.
- Just in case, let me spray
some of this on your pits.
- Thank you.
[upbeat music]
♪
- Whoa, whoa.
- Ooh.
- Hannah, you look amazing.
So what do you think?
- I think that I want to focus
on how I cute I look.
- Ladies, what's important here
is that
we all look better than Diego.
- What's up, guys?
Reporting for duty.
Ready to babysit.
- They're your kids.
It's called being a dad.
- Punky, you look
Wow.
- Thanks, Trav.
- You let that smoke show go?
Woof.
- Okay, Hannah, before you go,
you need to give me
Sean's real number.
The one you gave me
was for Jersey Mike's.
- Fine.
[cell phone chimes]
- Received.
Okay, remember,
dinner before ice cream.
- And Izzy's bedtime is 8:30,
but she'll tell you
it's midnight.
- Hey, Mom, I'm going to run
a background check on this guy.
Is LovesDogs77
his real last name?
- Gotta go.
- All right, bye, guys.
All: Bye.
- Have fun.
- Yup.
- [sighs] So
what do we know about this dude
your mom's meeting up with?
- We know he's going to have
a better night than you are.
♪
- You're not on the road
anymore.
Use a bowl, man.
- Yeah, we're not animals.
- Oh, really?
You know you have a little
something right
ugh, basically
all over your face.
- Dad, do you know how to get
on the dark web?
- I don't,
and if you stop trying,
you can have more Breyers.
- Ice cream is your solution
to everything.
And I love it.
- Hey, don't tell your mom.
Oh, you know,
I found my lyric book.
Turns out it was
mostly doodles.
So I guess I'm just blocked.
- Maybe you're distracted
'cause you're thinking
about Punky.
You looked sad seeing her go
on her date
with another man.
- Yeah, I guess
it was kind of weird,
but I gotta get used to that.
Okay, where were we?
Oh, that's right.
I have no ideas.
- Maybe you should write a song
about something
that makes you happy,
like ice cream.
- Eh, I don't know.
- What's your favorite flavor?
- Uh, this is silly.
Um
rocky road.
- My favorite thing in life
was rocky road ice cream ♪
I'd eat it every day
and all night long ♪
- Then one day
my little marshmallow ♪
Walked out the door ♪
And now that she's gone ♪
I love her even more ♪
- You said "she."
- Did I?
- Yep.
Punky is your rocky road.
♪
- It says
we'll be picking up notes
of plum, vanilla, and earth.
- Hmm.
Mine just tastes like wine.
- Hmm.
That can't be right.
- So, tell me, what do you do?
- Well, I'm in marketing
for a software company
that specializes in
aggregation of
and I'm already boring you.
[chuckles]
- Uh, no, it's not you.
Um
this is actually my first date.
- E-ever?
- [chuckles]
No, since my divorce.
But I'm really distracted
because my daughter
is on her first date, too,
and she won't tell me anything
about the date.
- Mm. I'm totally
into my daughter's life.
We have a YouTube channel
where she makes fun
of all my clothing choices.
I'm just happy to be involved.
Daughters are hard.
- Tell me about it.
Okay, back to us.
No more phone
right after I just
text her once more.
[light music]
♪
- You're staring at me.
- I can't help it.
You've, uh, got some foam
right there.
No, uh, here.
[cell phone chimes]
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
- No, no, it's great.
[softly]
What?
Ugh, I can't believe
she's texting me again.
- At least your mom cares.
You should probably answer it.
- Absolutely not.
So, um, tell me more
about where we're going next.
- Okay, it's so cool.
We are going to
the Warlock Jones escape room.
- I didn't know you were
a Jones fan.
- I'm not.
I just thought it'd be cool
to be locked
in a room with you.
I'm sorry; I didn't mean
for that to sound creepy.
- [chuckles]
[Sean's cell phone blips]
- I think it's your mom.
Wow, she is really
into the siren emoji.
I'll just ping her back.
- How about we don't text her
at all?
She'll be fine.
[chuckles]
Oh, look,
I have foam on mouth again.
- Oh, my God, I can't believe
you don't actually have dogs.
How can you call yourself
EvanLovesDogs77?
- Well, I am fatally allergic,
but I do love dogs from afar.
And 77 is actually
the amount of times
I've had to use
an EpiPen, so
[both laugh]
- Oh. Evan
I sent sirens.
It's a whole thing now.
- It's okay.
- Hey, how are things
over here?
[clears throat]
- Oh, our coffee is fire.
Thanks.
- Awesome.
Oh, and are you Hannah,
and are you Sean?
- Yes.
[camera shutter clicks]
- Your mom wanted
proof of life. Thanks.
- She tracked my phone.
That's it, I'm shutting it off.
- Well, I'd say we should go
to our next destination,
but if I'm being honest,
it seems like there's
someplace else you'd rather be.
- You know what?
This phone is staying
in this purse permanently,
and I am all-in
on wherever we're going next.
- Oh, well, then here's
to continuing the night.
[cell phone chimes]
- Mm.
- Oh.
You don't mind
if I just chug this, do you?
Mm.
Yeah, still no plum but
notes of sadness.
- I'm sorry.
It's my son Diego.
He wants to run
a background check on you.
Apparently he doesn't trust me
to make my own decisions,
which is truly annoying.
- Huh, that's kind of like you
texting your daughter all night
because you don't trust her.
- That is not remot
oh, my God.
Hannah probably thinks
I don't trust her.
"Hannah, no more texts.
I promise."
All right, let's bail
on this wine bar
and see where
the night takes us
as long as I'm home by 10:00.
- Well, if you're open
to an adventure,
then I have just one question.
Do you believe in magic?
- Welcome
to Snaggletooth Academy,
witches and wizards.
I mean witch and wizard.
Our student, Warlock Jones,
needs your help.
You're both in mortal danger.
Magnus McNasty has locked you
in the Room of Discontent
and is planning to attack
Snaggletooth Academy
in one hour.
You must escape
and warn Warlock Jones.
- You guys are just gonna
make out in here, aren't you?
[both chuckle]
- What?
- Wait! Holdicus the Dooricus!
[chuckles]
That's wizard lingo.
- Hannah? Sean.
- Mom?
- What are you doing here?
- Hi, Mrs. Brewster.
- Oh, you can call me Punky.
- Oh, hi, I'm Evan.
I'm Punky's boyfriend.
- And I'm officially in hell.
- Your 60 minutes trapped
in a small room all together
with no way out starts now.
- No! No!
Get me out of here!
I'm on a double date
with my mom.
[upbeat music]
- Is it a calendar
or a compass?
Come on, come on, Evan,
think like a warlock.
- This is something I didn't
think I'd be saying tonight,
but, Sean, could I have
a word alone with my mother?
- Sure.
I guess I'll go help out
your mom's date.
I'll miss you.
- [clicks tongue] Aww.
She'll miss you, too.
- Mom.
You're ruining my life.
- Hannah, I promise,
I had no idea
that you and Sean were
going to be here
or that Evan
would bring me here.
- So you want me to believe
that this is a coincidence?
- Yes. Do you really think
that I woke up this morning
thinking I'd be
in a Warlock Jones escape room
with my daughter?
- Yes! I mean,
why should I believe you?
You've been texting me
all night.
It's like you
don't even trust me.
- I know. That's why
I sent the apology text.
Well, I-I didn't get it.
I turned my phone off.
- Hannah, you can't turn
your phone off.
You've got to have it on
at all times.
- Why, so you can
drive me crazy?
- Yes. I'm your mom.
It's my job.
- Oh.
[chuckles]
- Well, at least
they're having fun.
I think they're going to be
really happy together.
- The journal
Maybe there are some clues.
Ah.
Read it, young Sean-icus.
- "As a young boy,
I never understood
why I could talk to toads."
Toads.
Look for something with toads.
- Toads!
Hold my jacket.
[grunting]
[laughs wildly]
I found it!
The Sword of Haggis!
Look, Punky, look what I did!
- Way to go.
- Yes!
- I really should have read to
the end of his dating profile.
- I got it!
We stab the journal!
- You got it,
young Warlock Jones
I mean Sean.
- [yells]
both: Don't want
no chocolate chip ♪
Don't want strawberry
or peach ♪
She's my favorite flavor ♪
She's my favorite treat ♪
- Yeah.
Hey, you totally just helped me
through that writer's block.
You're like
my little mini muse.
- Cool.
You can thank me on Venmo.
- The only thing I could find
on EvanLovesDogs77
is that he once
bought a mug on Etsy
that says "But First, Coffee."
- Dude, you stalking
your mom's date on Google
is so wrong
in so many different ways.
- There has to be
something wrong with him.
Aren't you worried?
- I'm guessing this isn't just
about Evan.
What's going on with you?
- I just don't want
a step wizard.
- Come on, man,
it's just a date.
Wait, did you say "wizard"?
- I guess I always thought
you and Mom
would get back together.
- Ah, dude.
- Yeah, but now she's out
with EvanLovesDogs77,
and you have
your emoji girlfriend,
and it's never gonna happen.
Why can't things just be
the way they were?
[sighs]
- Hey
the way things were
wasn't always great, you know.
Ah, look
I get our divorce
is tough on you sometimes.
I mean, your mom and I are
still trying
to figure things out.
But we're still a family.
Hey, we just look
a little different.
- It's just weird.
It's like you guys get along
better together
now that you're apart.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a real good way
to put it.
Hey, I'm really feeling
what you just said, Diego.
You don't mind if I put that
in my ice cream song, do you?
- Just promise me, no dad rap.
[upbeat music]
♪
- Hannah,
I'm doing my best here.
I didn't have a mom to talk to
about this kind of stuff.
I want you to know that you do.
I'm here.
- That's nice.
What if I told you
I wish you weren't here?
- I don't really want
to be here either.
I thought he was going
to take me dancing.
- I'm sorry I worried you.
But also
Sean and I are having
the best time,
and it's really awesome
to be able to tell you that,
even though you are my mom.
Please don't scream,
because he'll hear you.
- That's amazing.
Mine's a bust.
- Uh, what was that?
- Evan, you seem like
a really nice guy,
but it's never going to work.
I have a dog,
and he sheds way too much.
- And and you're gonna
choose this dog over me?
I get it.
- [scoffs] Mom, look,
I know that I've been
shutting you out lately,
but I was nervous.
And I wanted things to go well.
You know, this whole dating
stuff's new territory for me.
- It's new territory
for me, too.
Sean's so cute.
- I know, right?
[giggles]
- Mm.
[exciting music plays
from chest]
- Yes!
- Congratulations.
You've escaped,
whereas I am working a double.
- We have saved
Snaggletooth Academy!
Huzzah!
- Let's go get a victory photo.
- All right!
- Hannah, come on.
[Hannah giggles]
- [sighs] Well, seems the only
puzzle I can't solve is love.
- Hey, you.
- Uh, me?
- You can do way better
than that guy.
I'm just a disembodied voice
in an escape room
asking a beautiful, slightly
older woman to like me.
- I'm flattered.
Thank you.
Still got it.
- You're
the sweetest thing ♪
My rocky road ice cream ♪
But sometimes
something good ♪
Can still be bittersweet ♪
Even though ♪
It breaks my heart ♪
Maybe we're better together ♪
Apart ♪
audience: Aww.
- Wow.
- [grunts] Hey.
That's, uh it's just a song
about ice cream.
- Really? Because it seems
like a metaphor for love.
- Yeah, about how much
I love ice cream.
- So there's
no deeper meaning?
Because that song really
makes me want
ice cream.
- [exhales]