Quantum Leap s01e03 Episode Script

It all started when a time travel experiment I was conducting went a little caca.
In the blink of a cosmic clock, I went from quantum physicist, to air force test pilot, which could have been fun if I knew how to fly.
Fortunately, I had help, an observer from the project named Al.
Unfortunately, Al's a hologram, so all he can lend is moral support.
Anyway, here I am, bouncing around in time, putting things right that once went wrong, a sort of time-traveling Lone Ranger with Al as my Tonto, and I don't even need a mask.
Oh, boy.
The trouble with quantum leaping is that just about the time I start to enjoy being a hero, the big guy with the remote control switches channels on me.
Now all I have to do is figure out who I am where I am, and why all these young women are staring at me as if I were Tom Cruise.
- Where, Where was I? - You were explaining Heathcliff's obsession with Catherine.
Right.
Right, right.
Heathcliff's obsession, uh, with Catherine in, uh, uh, Oh.
Wuthering Heights, of course.
Dr.
Bryant, do you think Heathcliff's obsession stems from Brontes own tragic yearning for Bramwell? I think the woman was sexually suppressed.
Far out, man.
You think she wrote this because she was horny? Right on! Great.
Four of my least favorite clichés.
Headbands, bell bottoms, flower power and English Lit.
What do you think, Dr.
Bryant? Uh, well, I-I, It's an interesting and, and a difficult question.
Uh, and one we'll have to discuss tomorrow.
No way.
No Friday classes in summer school.
Right? Oh, yes.
Uh, Dr.
Bryant.
! Dr.
Bryant.
! Oh.
I've been trying to get a moment alone with you all afternoon.
Uh, uh, Jamie-Lee, um, W - what can I do for you? "Give me life, my darling.
Touch my hand and light my soul.
" - Keats? - No.
Your lecture on expressing love.
My, I wanna go home.
You live this way.
Jamie-Lee, um, I'm a teacher and you're a student, so no fraternizing.
That's not what you said last night.
I didn't? No.
Donna.
Of course.
This is Lawrence.
! Where are you going? After, To the Rathskeller.
They're closed between 4.
00 and 6.
00 in the summer.
She's going in.
Donna Eleese works there.
Jerry, we have to talk.
It's a matter of life and death.
I'll put the tea on.
Jamie-Lee, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be in my rooms.
What's wrong? Everything.
Oh, don't say that.
I know there's a solution.
I believe our love will conquer all, even Daddy.
You gotta be kidding! No, I'm not.
I did it.
I told Daddy everything.
From that first blush of love to that glorious night in the bell tower.
Daddy was furious and threatened to have you horsewhipped within an inch of your life.
Oscar said he'd kill you with his bare hands.
- Oscar? - A Neanderthal who goes to Ohio State.
He wants to pin me.
Oh, Jerry! Precious! It's all so like Romeo and Juliet.
Great.
Men wanna horsewhip and kill me, and you're playing Juliet.
Juliet committed suicide.
Suicide? Oh, yes! Of course! A love pact! Sam, we don't want that to happen, do we? No.
Uh, Jamie-Lee, we are not committing suicide.
What else is there to do? Have a cup of tea.
Precisely what Jane and Edward would have done.
Jane and Edward? Oh, uh, Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester.
Charlotte Brontes star-crossed lovers.
How can you teach English literature if you don't know that? But, anyway, we're gonna get you out of this one quick this time.
Ziggy figures a 99.
5% chance - I don't want out of this one quick.
you'll be able to leap when, What? Hark, my sweetie pie.
Jamie-Lee, I want you to take this cup of tea and go straight back to your dorm.
You call your father and Oswald - Oscar.
Whatever.
Tell them it was all a joke.
You made it up because you missed them and wanted to get their attention.
But it's not a joke.
Ohhh.
Oh, yes, it is.
It's the school, isn't it? You're afraid of losing your tenure.
I'm afraid of losing my life.
If it comes to that, so be it.
Our love can live without these temporal bodies.
Uh, Romeo and Juliet? Lancelot and Guinevere.
Uh, Jamie-Lee, we, uh, w-we can play Lancelot and Guinevere some other time.
When, my darling? When, uh, the-the moon has crested over the towers of Camelot.
"When the moon has crested over the towers of Camelot?" I know.
It's You better watch it, Sam.
You're gonna end up marrying her too.
They got married? June 20th, 1972.
Nice little intimate shotgun wedding, 12-gauge, I think it was.
That's what you're here for is to see that those two don't ruin both their lives.
Of course, there's not much more that could go wrong with Professor Bryant's.
That's not why I'm here.
Oh? I'm here to get a second chance, before I even get a first one.
You wanna let me in on the joke? Donna Eleese is here.
That's not funny, Sam.
But true.
Don't you see, Al? I'm here to get Donna and I a second chance.
You're here to see that Guinevere there doesn't make the biggest mistake of her life! How do you know that? Ziggy's got it computed down to the decimal point! I don't give a damn what a computer says! We're talking about the woman I love and my future.
I'm here.
She's here.
We've got a second chance.
And no one's gonna stop me from taking it.
Not even you.
Sam, you're breaking your own inside trader rule.
What? Quantum leap rule numero uno.
The time traveler shall not take advantage of his position to improve or alter his life.
- I made that rule? - Yes.
And you swore everyone to a blood oath of allegiance to it on penalty of death.
- Ah, that's my interpretation.
- If I made the rule, I can rescind it.
So ordered.
Not without committee approval, and Weitzman will never give it.
Weitzman? Short fat guy, uh, in knickers? Mm.
Tall skinny guy with a stovepipe hat.
He's got at Lincoln fixation and he also controls the committee, and he wants you declared non compos mentis.
Let him.
In case you haven't noticed, Al, the committee doesn't run this project or me anymore.
Pretty straight for the '70s.
Of course, this is a Catholic girls' college, - Look at you.
- Uh, it's psychedelic.
It must be the black light or something.
You look like a ghost.
Look.
There she is.
There's Donna.
Oh, my God.
It is her.
Now do you believe me? Donna's here.
I'm here.
Fate has put us together again.
When I saw her today, I couldn't believe it.
She's so young.
When we first met, she'd just left the Star Bright Project and was turning 30.
Don't do this, Sam.
The wedding was on the fifth of June at Old Mission Chapel.
It was hot and I was sweating, but, you know, it was more from nerves than from the heat and then, Everybody went home, because I didn't show up for the wedding.
No.
No, you showed up.
She didn't.
It had something to do with her father.
He didn't die, did he? I wouldn't know.
And if I did, I couldn't tell you.
I broke the rules before giving you personal data, and if I do it again, the committee's threatening to remove me from the project.
They can't remove you.
You're the only contact they have with me.
Al, I want you to run a, Chicken.
She smelled the same.
Of course, I didn't.
God, how I wanted to tell her I'm not the boozed-out professor she sees, that I was her Sam, the man she'll love 10 years from now, that I'm doing what we dreamed of, I'm traveling in time.
What can I get for you, Dr.
Bryant? - Uh, an avion, Evian.
- A what? Uh, C-Coke.
Uh, a Coke would be fine.
A Coke, cheeseburger and fries, medium rare on the burger, Hold the tomato, extra onion.
She knew.
She knew how I liked my burger.
Shove that up your gauge circuit, Ziggy.
Thank you.
Uh, Donna, um, could I talk with you? Oh, I really don't have time, Dr.
Bryant.
Oh, yeah.
I'll, um, uh, Maybe, Well, I'll just wait till you finish work.
Dr, Bryant, please, um, I'm quite capable of getting an "A" in your class by simply doing the work.
No.
No.
No, no.
No, tha-that's, that's not what I'm saying.
Donna, I'm not what I look like.
If you look into my eyes, you can see that.
- Is this your best line? - It's not a line.
If you look into my eyes, you'll see another soul.
- You've had too much to drink.
- I haven't had a drop.
This is silly.
Yeah.
So it's silly.
Do it anyway.
Please don't talk to me anymore, Dr.
Bryant.
Donna.
Hey.
! I thought I told you to leave my girl alone.
Donna's your girl? Jamie-Lee's my girl.
Oscar.
Yeah, Oscar, and he's here to break your face.
Look, Oscar, why don't we just talk about this man-to-man? If you don't like what you hear, you can always break my face.
Good.
First, Jamie-Lee is crazy about you.
Yeah, right.
And that's why all she can talk about is her precious Jerry.
Which Which proves my point.
See, if she was crazy about me, she'd never mention me.
But since she's really crazy about you, all she does is talk about me.
She's trying to make you jealous.
Well, it's working.
Oscar, Jamie-Lee once told me that you were the only man who ever made the earth move for her.
Yeah? Yeah.
That ain't what she told me.
Isn't.
Of course not.
See, she's frustrated with you.
She, She thinks you want her only for her body.
Oh, she's got a great body.
She also has a mind, Oscar.
Oscar.
A deeply poetic mind.
And if you want her to love you, you gotta let the romantic side of you free.
Romantic side of me? I-Isn't Jamie-Lee in your thoughts night and day? Yeah, except for wrestling practice.
Well, tell her that, but don't mention the wrestling practice stuff.
Take to a romantic movie, a candlelit dinner, read her a poem.
I did.
You did? There once was a young man from Kent - Oscar, limericks aren't exactly what I had in mind.
Look, read her a romantic poet, Kelly, Sheets - Keats.
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? You're the prof.
I mean, the choice is yours.
Tell her how beautiful she is, how her perfume drives you crazy, how you can't get her eyes out of your mind.
And her lips.
How - How wet and how juicy they are.
Perfect.
That's mush.
I can't talk mush.
To guys, it's mush.
To women, it's romantic.
Look, Oscar, Jamie-Lee doesn't want a broken-down lit prof.
She wants a young football hero - Wrestling! Wrestling hero who'll be a little mushy.
Dr.
Bryant, I love Jamie-Lee so much I'm willing to try anything.
But I think you're feeding me a line of crap.
And if this don't work, you can expect me to be back to break your face.
That might help.
Where's Donna? She wasn't feeling hot, so she went home.
Did you want tomatoes on this? They didn't put tomatoes on 'em, but I can get tomatoes for you.
Did you want tomatoes? You know what else? I was looking at the class schedule, Muskie has 156 delegates pledged to him and many endorsements.
Muskie met with McGovern today in Washington.
If the party can stand on, it'll be successful this fall.
But we didn't talk about the matter of endorsements.
Would you like his support before you go to the convention? I would love it.
The United States Military Command in Saigon said today that yesterday's air attacks over North Vietnam were the heaviest, There was a time when I cared about politics and the making of history, but the big picture seemed unimportant next to getting a chance for Donna and I in the future.
Bryant had summed up my feelings with a thought.
"Between love and the noblest cause, there should be no contest.
Love is life's only true satisfaction.
" Yoo-hoo.
! Lancelot.
! The fires burn deep, my knight, as passion roars within me.
Riddled with guilt, yet desperate for your loins, your Guinevere has arrived! Oh, boy.
I get the feeling that you brought this one on yourself.
Where have you been? Waiting for the moon to crest over Camelot.
See what I mean? - You're not dressed.
- I wasn't expecting guests.
But you promised to be Lancelot next.
Next? Sam, there's all kinds of kinky stuff in here.
! There's leather stuff.
There's a Roman toga.
There's rubber stuff in here.
! Jamie-Lee, don't you have more important things to do, like homework? I'm trying to work on my "A" in English Lit.
Oh, my God.
! Sam, you gotta see this.
! Jamie-Lee, you gotta forget about me.
You gotta start thinking about other men, like, like Oscar.
He's just a boy.
That boy wanted to break my face.
He wanted to defend my honor? Uh, define "honor"? Oscar's willing to kill for you.
Don't you think you should at least give him a chance? But he's so stiff, so unromantic.
Not anymore.
I wouldn't be surprised if Oscar started reading you romantic poetry.
Oscar? Oscar.
Look, believe me, Jamie-Lee.
He's the one for you, not me.
Ah.
You're both young.
You got your whole life in front of you.
Uh, tell her they're both gonna grow up to be yuppies.
Give him a chance.
They're gonna eat pasta and drive B.
M.
W's with, uh, fuzzy seats.
Well, if you think I should, Al, Donna, But it won't affect my love for you! Peace.
Al, Donna knew how I wanted my cheeseburger.
What? She looked into my eyes, and she knew it was me.
Well, how could she know it was you when she doesn't meet you for 12 years? We're star-crossed souls.
That uncrossed.
Well, you know, I've been working on that, and I think I can fix it.
But I have to locate her father, and I was - No.
Al.
Al, couldn't you - No.
No, no.
No! No! I can't help you, Sam.
If I even try, they're gonna pull the plug, and they're not kidding.
Weitzman is at the foundation right now arguing for the authority to do it.
You've broken your rules.
You've broken their rules.
You've broken our rules.
You gotta stop thinking with your heart and start thinking with your noggin.
Is that what you'd do? If, Hey.
If some woman stood me up at the altar, it's 'Adios, amigos.
" Actually, uh, I wish a couple of them had.
Don't give me that sick puppy look.
Stop it.
I'll never scratch you behind the ears again.
Now, stop it.
Donna's father was career military.
Shh.
No.
Sam, Uh, he was in the army, I think.
Sam.
Sa No.
No.
Bunsen burners, there's no other smell like it.
They are the common denominator that make all science departments equal.
My life's blood, and I'm trapped in Mr.
English Lit.
There's no justice.
Thanks.
You forgot Hubble's Constant and, uh, the red shift.
Right.
Your calculations are in the right direction.
You're just not applying your astrophysics.
Expanding universe.
Ever read Lemaitre's "Primeval Atom?" No.
"Then came the explosion, followed by the filling of the heavens with smoke.
"We come to late to do no more than visualize the splendor of creation's birthday.
" It's beautiful.
It's the poetry of physics.
Why do you know so much about this? Uh, well, I read a lot.
Pretty heady reading, Einstein and Lemaitre, not to mention the math.
What lured you into it? Guess I just wanna know why things happen to us.
Don't you think you have a choice? Do you? Well, I used to.
I'm not sure anymore.
Well, if we did have a choice, I sure would've made things happen a lot differently.
Who knows, maybe I'll go back in time and change it.
- What, you think that's silly? - No, no.
It If you could travel back in time, when would you go back to? When I was happiest, maybe six or seven years old.
- Before your father left you? - How did you know about that? I guess somebody told me.
Well, nobody could've told you because I never told anyone.
- Who the hell are you? - Just a friend.
Look, Donna, it was just a guess.
Please.
Please.
I noticed you didn't list a father on your school record, and you went by your mother's maiden name.
- What were you doing in my records? - You're in my class.
Let's just keep it at that.
I have a string theory on time.
It's very complex and completely improvable, but I'd like your opinion.
It's based on an expanding but finite universe.
Well, the universe is infinite.
Maybe not, and if not, then time is finite too.
- I have to go to the library.
- It's a nice public place.
But only in his own lifetime? Well, that-that's the way I see it.
Ohhh.
I think I'm getting a headache.
Yeah, well, it's kind of a lot to, Oh, no! Stacy's gonna be here in 10 minutes.
I have to open tonight.
I'm sorry, Dr.
Bryant.
I have kitchen duty.
Well, can we continue this after work? Sure, as long as, It's public.
Yeah.
Bye.
You're not giving away any trade secrets, are you? - How long have you been there? - Eh, long enough to know that you could still construct an atomic bomb if you had to.
An atomic bomb? Al.
Nothing we discussed remotely is connected to nuclear detonation.
Al, I was just trying to, - You're not alone.
- Nope.
- But they can't hear or see me.
- Thank God for little favors.
- Weitzman and the committee? - I- I can't help you, Sam.
You got to, Al.
Look, I figured it out.
Donna left me at the altar.
Did the same thing to the guy she was engaged to before me.
It's a pattern.
When she was 8, her father left and she's never gotten over it.
Al, she blocked out her own father's name.
Don't you see? Donna's never gonna risk being hurt by a man like that again.
She's gonna go through life leaving them before they can leave her.
But But if I can get Donna and her father together, who knows? You know, uh, those six doctorates that you hold, Not one of them is in psychiatry.
Medicine, yes.
Uh, quantum physics, yes.
Ancient languages, yes.
- Ancient languages, yes.
- Yes.
The sash? Brilliant, Sherlock.
Hieroglyphics? I can read hieroglyphics? Well, you never know unless you try.
It's all just a bunch of pictures to me, Al.
I can't remember what they That That is a the symbol for a capital.
Um, what was the ancient capital of Egypt? Memphis! He's in Memphis! - No, I wouldn't say that, Sam.
No.
- Not in Memphis.
Um, maybe the capital of Egypt today - Don't tell me he's in Cairo.
You're being too literal, Sam.
Well, that hieroglyphic is the symbol for a capital.
Mm.
Um, Our capital? You're trying to tell me he's in Washington.
Good.
Okay.
Donna's father is in D.
C.
, and he, um, is still in the army.
That's the symbol for the pharaoh's army.
Sam.
Square times five.
- And in the Pentagon! - Oh, I'd give you one of these if I could.
I need his name, Al.
That's, uh That's ridiculous.
Uh, Sam, Ziggy is scanning my side of this conversation, and he thinks I'm trying to communicate to you in a code.
What hieroglyphics? Hey! How can I write Colonel Wojohowitz in hieroglyphics? Al! Did you call me, Dr.
Bryant? If I asked you to go to Washington, would you do it? Dr.
Bryant, I was just getting to like you.
Don't treat me like that.
I'm not treating you like that.
If I were 15 years younger or this was 15 years later, I would, but I can't now.
Donna, it's important.
Hell, I'll bring a chaperone.
We can be there and back in a day.
To do what? Save a lost love.
- Colonel Wojohowitz.
- Thank God.
What? Uh, Colonel, you don't know me.
My name is Bryant, Dr, Gerald Bryant, and I'm on the faculty at Lawrence College in Marion, Ohio.
Yes? Uh, I was wondering if I could see you.
Dr.
Bryant, I ship out for Vietnam at 0800 tomorrow.
Vietnam.
I'm sure you've heard of it.
Of course.
I just Doctor, I'm very busy.
Would you get to the point? It's your daughter.
Colonel, are you there? Yes.
- Do you remember Donna? - Of course I remember Donna.
She needs you, sir.
Is she hurt? No.
Uh, not physically.
Colonel, since you're shipping out tomorrow, I don't have time to be subtle about this.
I don't know why you left your family.
I'm sure you had your reasons.
But your leaving and never contacting her again has affected Donna's ability to love anyone else.
Dr.
Bryant, the breakup with her mother and I had nothing to do with her.
She doesn't think you love her, that if you did, you wouldn't have abandoned her.
I love my daughter.
I loved her very much.
I'm not going to reopen this wound not when I'm shipping out.
Maybe when I come back.
Well, forgive me, sir, but, uh, what if you don't come back? Good-bye, Dr.
Bryant.
Just a damn minute! Look I told you I'd be back.
Okay.
All right.
So my advice didn't work.
Right.
Right.
Right? What happened? I did what you told me.
I, uh, I read her poetry.
I told her that her perfume made me horny and that her lips made me even hornier.
I get the idea.
And then, I get the idea! Look, Oscar, "horny" isn't romantic.
Well, it is to me.
Not to Jamie-Lee.
To Jamie-Lee, "breathless with passion" is romantic.
Do you have a car? O.
Triple deuce, Hurst four-speed, 3-9-0 rear end, mag wheels.
Uh, will it hold four people? Maybe.
Say, me, and Donna Eleese and you and Jamie-Lee? In that order? Yeah, in that order.
- Did you see him? - Bang.
You'd shoot that magnificent creature? It was a buck.
Bambi was a buck! I want to change seats, please.
Jamie-Lee, Romeo hunted deer.
He did? Yes, he did.
- And, uh, as well as - Lancelot.
Lancelot.
You know, I bet Lancelot brought Guinevere a deer a week.
And Rochester rode on stag hunts.
That's right.
The first time Blanche came to Thornwood she rode to the hounds.
Is that how you hunt stag? Mm, sort a.
And while Lennon read a book on Marx The quartet practiced in the park And we sang dirges in the dark The day the music died Fill 'er up? Yep.
Okay.
Where's the bathroom? Uh, back there.
Where's the key? Key? We don't have no key.
Al! Thank God you're here.
I thought I'd never see you again.
I figured that they'd pulled you off the project.
Oh, they did.
They fed the hieroglyphics into Ziggy, and then they fired me.
They can't do that.
Tell Weitzman.
But it's unimportant.
What's important is he's had a change of heart.
I didn't think Weitzman had a heart.
He probably doesn't, but his wife does.
You slept with his wife? I would never do anything so unscrupulous as that, unless it was Bartlett's wife.
Now, there is a woman to get fired over.
Ran into her one time at the fights.
Uh, Barlett was at some, I don't know, some seminar in Utah.
And it was her birthday, and you know, the fool forgot.
What happened? Oh, well, we had a couple of drinks, a nice rare steak with green chiles - With Weitzman! Oh! Weitzman.
You know Tina? Yeah.
Weitzman knows her too.
You set Tina up with Weitzman and then blackmailed him? Yeah.
That Unscrupulous, but effective.
At least you're here.
That's the way I figured it.
Now, I had Ziggy compute the odds on your being right about fixing Donna's hang-up.
Pretty low, huh? Well, if you get Donna and her father together, the odds are 4-to-1 that she'll commit to a relationship in the future.
Al, no offense, but this time I'm gonna make Ziggy my best man.
Wait a minute.
You're forgetting something.
What? Well, she was engaged to someone before she even met you.
Yeah? Yeah, so if you pull this off, she could marry this other jerk first.
Confession time.
What? I used to think you wrote your book just to pick up young, naive coeds.
You really are romantic, aren't you? Well I mean, you’re trying to get these two back together, driving 400 miles for the sake of a lost love.
What I don't understand is why you wanted me here.
You remind me of her.
Twelve years younger, but you're her.
Sweet, bright.
She's a quantum physicist.
That's why you read those books.
We were very much in love, engaged to be married.
In fact, we had a wedding, or, rather, I did.
She didn't show? Why? I think she was afraid to commit.
Afraid that I'd leave her the way her father left her.
I don't wanna see you run away when your chance for happiness comes.
That's why I'm taking you to see your father.
You're taking me to see my father? Yes.
You really are romantic.
To show I love you Thinking of you Write your name across the sky May I help you? Yeah.
We're just going up to see Colonel Wojohowitz.
Can I have your names, please? Yeah.
I'm Dr.
Gerald Bryant and this is the Colonel's daughter, Donna.
Oh.
Colonel Wojohowitz.
Oh, thanks.
Uh, sir, excuse me.
The Colonel has a "Do not disturb" on his line.
Well, this is his daughter.
Could we see some identification, Miss Wojohowitz? Oh, I use my mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry, but unless you can prove you're his daughter, I can't ring through.
You're welcome to wait here and catch him when he leaves.
Well, that'll be a little late.
He's shipping out to Vietnam this morning.
Look, she's driven all night from Ohio to see her father.
Couldn't you just please call him on the phone and tell him that his daughter's here? I'm sorry, sir.
I can't do that.
Thank you.
You've been most helpful.
Guess it wasn't meant to be.
You sound like Ziggy.
Who? Something about that guy bothers me.
There's a car in visitor's lot.
I didn't see it there earlier.
Harry, this car has Ohio plates.
Check the back.
I'll put Jeff on alert.
Roger.
Oh, no.
We're gonna get in trouble.
Don't worry.
I'll protect you.
So it wasn't meant to be? This was a mistake.
No.
The mistake was waiting 10 years.
I'm sorry, baby.
I love you.
Ohhh.
That's all I wanted to hear, Daddy.
Don't leave.
I'll be in the car.
Uh, if only you were a little Little younger? Uh, or I was a little older.
You will be.
Where's Jerry? You don't need Dr.
Bryant.
Not with me here.
Well, you are big.
Harry, we got an open door.
Police, this is the Watergate.
We have a break-in here.
Jamie-Lee, you make me so hor breathless with passion.
You seem pretty pleased with yourself.
Yeah.
Mm.
Well, so am I.
'Course, Ziggy's blowing out microchips like they were popcorn.
He just He didn't see it coming.
What? What? Sam, this is the 17 th of June, 1972.
So? So? We're in the Watergate! Break-in.
Nixon.
Impeachment.
I don't remember.
Oh, boy.
The Republicans would love you.
You know, I don't understand you, pal.
Well, you're wearing that goofball grin and Donna is probably gonna end up marrying that sucker that she hooked before you.
Maybe not.
Maybe she'll jilt him and marry me.
Wanna bet? Yeah.
I got connections.
Then how come you haven't leaped yet? Maybe I need a shotgun Get up.
! Get up.
! One, two, three Up! Up! Come on! four, five, six.