Reaper s01e03 Episode Script
All Mine
Previously, on "Reaper" Before you were born your mom and I-- sold your soul to the devil.
- I'm the devil! - Aah!!! You're just going to bring escaped souls back to hell.
You know, like a bounty hunter.
- You didn't tell Andi? - No! I'm not gonna tell Andi.
If she knows, she'll think I'm a freak.
You can make her go out with you.
You can make her go out with you, Damien.
Sam, I like you.
I love working with you guys.
And how am I supposed to capture them? This will help.
A vessel.
Handcrafted in the bowels of perdition by the iniquitous and the vio.
How do you capture a soul with it? Maybe you drive it into the guy, right? You finally found the one thing that you're good at, and you kicked ass.
We kicked ass.
I did it.
You're dead.
You're dead.
You're dead! Ah, I'm dead.
*Good morning, new day's dawning* *and I'm through yawning* *now we get excited every week babe* *ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh* *what's it seem when everything's wrong?* *Despair sinking in* *spend days just sleeping in* *good morning, a new day's dawning* *and I'm through yawning now we get excited* *every week* Give me a bite of that.
No, no, I need you to feed it to me.
- What? - I'm starving, ok? Everything I put in my mouth ends up covered in bugs.
Oh, nice.
So bugs, huh? You think that's the work of, uh, el diablo? It must be.
Time to collect a soul that's escaped from hell.
I just wish the devil would do it in a less disgusting way.
All right, come on.
Open up, baby bird.
Tilt it back.
- Get it, get it real-- - Morning.
No, please continue.
Very romantic, actually.
Ha, yeah, no, it's-- my hands are dirty.
Sam, what time are you off work tonight? Seven.
Why? There's a primate lecture on campus tonight.
They're bringing in a lowland gorilla expert.
I could use your company.
Really? I just figured we could get a cup of coffee afterwards with some people in class.
So what do you say? You, me and the monkeys? Um, yeah, well, actually, uh--ahh.
Sock and I made plans to hang out, so Yep.
Yeah.
Yes.
Uh, we're gonna go donate bone marrow - to the needy at the convention.
- You guys are so weird.
Oh-ho.
That's right.
- Bone marrow? - Pardon me, idiot, but I think Andi just asked you out on a date.
No, it wasn't a date, ok? It was a lecture, and I don't want to spend the evening feeling stupid in front of her college friends.
Whatever, man.
She was all up in your grill piece, and you told her to take a hike.
- Good job.
- It's not a good time to start something with Andi, all right? It's just I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had such a full calendar right now.
My life is complicated, ok? If we actually went on a date, it would be a total disaster.
You know what? I'm sick of that old song and dance, ok? "My name's Sam, I gather shopping carts for a living, I collect souls for the devil.
" Boohoo.
Zero pity.
You're gonna have to do better than that.
Well? See, now I think that's cool.
Reaper Season 1 Episode 3 - All Mine You ever feel lost, Sam? - What? - Lost.
Aimless, lacking purpose.
Believe me, I can relate.
I wasn't always the manager.
I had to earn it.
But I had to shake off some serious addiction issues before I found direction in my life.
- You were addicted to drugs? - Gambling.
And shoes.
Lots of shoes.
Point is, Sam, is that I turned my life around.
And there's still hope for you.
Hope in the form of toilets.
- Toilets? - For 2,000 years, people have been using these porcelain "thrones," and they're gonna be using them for another 2,000.
Um, yeah, I just have no interest in selling toilets, so I see a spark of the old me in you, you know? Please don't tell me that, Ted.
And that's why I am prepared to promote you to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
What do you think of them apples? I think I want to stab myself.
- Sorry? - What? I'm throwing you a lifeline here, Sam.
I suggest you take it.
Yeah, it's just my destiny does not include spending the rest of my life at the work bench.
You know, I have plans to do something with my life.
Doing something with your life, Sam, requires skills.
And the only overt skills I see from you is tardiness and general ineptitude.
Lifeline, Sam.
- Think about it, ok? - Ok.
What are you doing? This is really nice.
Much roomier than it looks.
Why, you could live in there.
Finally get out of your parents' house, huh, Sam? Ugh.
Give me the vessel.
No, no, no, no.
I do not like this tone at all.
What's the problem? Ted wants to promote me to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
Promotion? Well, congratulations! Make sure you get the 401k.
No, no, don't congratulate me.
He's saying that I'm going to spend the rest of my life here at the work bench.
You know, I don't get you, Sammy.
You don't want to work here at this place, you don't want to work for me.
What exactly do you want? Just something that doesn't suck.
Well, one of these days, maybe you'll come up with a little better plan than that, huh? I brought this for you.
This is the vessel? No.
I just want to communicate with you on your level, buddy.
Go ahead, give it a gander.
Oh, man, what are you showing me? That's Harriet Swenseen, 62.
Her death was attributed to anaphylactic shock.
Keep going.
Lois Johnson, 59.
She caught the west nile virus.
Fiona Beauchamp, 65.
She was done in by a nasty infection from a bite.
Oh, sorry.
That's me at the Emmys.
All right, so let me guess.
They were all killed by bugs? Yeah, maybe, maybe.
I can tell you this-- all the deaths occurred in the last 2 months.
That's it? That's all you're gonna tell me? Oh, come on! Aren't you going to at least thank me for the visual presentation? - I mean, how cool was that? - It just doesn't help me.
- Wait, I need more help.
- Follow the bugs, buddy.
What does that mean? You didn't give me the vessel! Thanks.
Ass.
Ted offered me a job today.
Assistant manager of plumbing.
Oh.
I see.
- I'm not taking it.
- No, no, you know what? Go ahead, take your little job, Mr.
Man.
- When were you gonna tell us? - I'm not gonna take it.
I'm not taking it.
I'm probably not taking it.
Probably? Probably not going to take it? Well, guess what? I'm probably not going to feed management french fries.
Why are you so pissed off about this, huh? - Why? - Yeah, why do you care? Maybe if you didn't have your lips permanently sealed to Ted's anus like an ass gasket, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, ok? - Come on.
- God! You're angry today, man.
A little bit.
I want a salad.
Uh, no.
Sorry, I'm not going to order you a salad.
- That's a chick order.
- I want a salad.
You're not getting a salad.
We always do this.
- Do what? Do what? - Do this.
What, you always order a salad? You're getting the chicken midgets! Fine.
And a side salad, ok? You can have a side salad.
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
Hey, guys, look.
- Devil said follow the bugs.
- Go, go, go, go, go! Burger! I saw him turn right up there.
Pull over.
Horseshoe court.
What is this place? Looks like an apartment complex.
You think the exterminator's the escaped soul? I don't know.
- The soul kills people with bugs.
- Oh, head's up.
Dispatch, I got trouble.
This place is swarming with bugs.
They're everywhere.
I'm calling public works in on this one.
They're gonna have to fumigate the whole complex.
What do we do? I don't know.
I left the vessel at the bench.
What? We were getting food.
I didn't think we'd need it.
That's not exactly management thinking, is it, Sam? All right.
Look, look! It's locked.
It's locked, it's locked! Uh, yeah, good thinking, good thinking! Guess he's not the escaped soul.
Bug.
Oh! Relax, there's no bugs on you! They got in my pants, Sam.
In my pants! I know, I know, they got everywhere.
So the soul is in the apartment complex.
Makes sense.
The exterminator tried to kill the bugs, so the soul made the bugs kill him.
Ok, but the problem is, there's a dozen houses in there, so where does the soul live? Sock, bees are not nesting in your crotch.
What are you doin'? I thought these might help us find out where the soul lives.
You stole mail? - Yeah.
- Sock, that's a felony.
Well, come on now, there's a fine line between a felony and doing something really super cool.
- That's true.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Rooster in the dog house, buddy.
Andi's cozying up to a tie rack over there.
Who's that? I don't know.
I've never seen him before.
I know who that is.
Some college punk she met at that monkey thing that you wussed out on.
Now she's gettin' married, and it's all your fault.
She's not getting married.
Just take the mail in the back before you get arrested.
I'll be right back.
If you showed up more often, you'd know.
'Cause if you don't party all the time.
That's what people do in college.
- No! - They party, yes.
Hey.
Uh, this is Greg.
- Greg, this is Sam.
- Hey.
Good to meet you, Sam.
He was dropping off my jacket 'cause I left it at the lecture last night.
Oh, you guysyou guys go to school together.
We just met last night.
Though I'm hoping to see her more often.
He's just trying to convince me to go to school full-time, which I think is absolutely crazy.
I don't see why.
Do you realize how smart she is? Yeah, oh, yeah, she's totally smart.
Look, even then, I'd have to work, and there's just really no time to study, so Well, you'd have to quit this job.
Quit? Well, what do you think about me going back to college, Sam? Well, you know, I don't know, you go to school and you get all in debt, and then, you know, you graduate and you have to get a job to pay off all your loans, so you're right back at the bench where you started.
So to speak.
Or you could get a career.
You know, a salary, a job with a future.
There--there's a future here.
In, um toilets.
Toilets? You know, everybody needs toilet.
You know, I'm not knocking you, Sam.
I'm just saying, Andi can be so much more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, I need to head out.
- Nice meeting you.
- You, too.
Ok, well, I have drill bits calling my name, - so I will talk to you later.
- All right.
Hey, hey.
How'd it go with captain laptop? He's trying to convince Andi to go back to college full-time and quit the Bench.
Who the hell does this guy think he is?! I don't think she's gonna do it.
It's too much for her.
I'm sure I'm sure she'll stay here.
It's a passing thing, it'll be fine.
Did you guys find anything? Ah, well, for starters, miss Marjorie Platt from apartment - Another one? - The lakehouse.
God! Thank me later, Margie.
Well, everybody seems normal.
No weird bug fetishes, no satanic magazine subscriptions.
This guy's mail is forwarded from an old address.
Harold Bunsen.
Harold-- Oh, oh, wait a minute.
Uh, yeah.
I have his gas bill right here, and it says his service started 2 months ago.
Right around the time of the first murder.
Could be him.
I know how we could find out for sure.
All right, Josie's out to lunch.
We use her computer, we're on our merry way, nobody knows nothing.
- You still have keys to her office? - Ah, yeah.
Well, I mean, you know, I kept a couple after we broke up for emergencies only.
And for, uh, naps at her apartment while she's not there.
Great.
We need a password.
Oh, uh, try, uh try grumpy.
- It's a little pet name we had for-- - I don't want to know.
A cat that we had, you sicko.
God.
No, I'm just kidding.
It was totally a name for my junk.
That actually worked.
Keep an eye out for Josie, I want to see if Bunsen committed any crimes.
Ok, will do.
Don't you, uh, don't you want to know why we called it grumpy? I do not.
No.
Thank you.
Fine, suit yourself.
How you doin'? Having fun bein' hot? I am.
Just keep going.
Danger, danger, wrap it up, wrap it up.
I just started! Just wrap it up! Oh, my god, you are a stalker.
Wow, what are you doing here? That's so-- that's so weird.
What are you doing? - Uh who's this guy? - My boss.
He prosecutes criminals.
Daniel Scofield, district attorney.
Burt Wysocki, king of beers.
We'll pick this up later, Josie.
Awesome.
See you later.
Bangin' the boss, huh? Good choice, big shot.
I am not banging my boss.
Really? Maybe you should.
Might get a little promotion out of it.
Get out of here, Sock.
Wait, wait, Josie, Josie.
Um, I-- wait, I do have something important that I need to tell you, ok? This is hard.
I I have the cancer.
- What? - Yeah.
I don't have cancer, I'm sorry.
I had a dream about having cancer, and you were the first person that I thought of when I woke up.
I thought that had to mean something, you know? Right? There is something really wrong with you.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I'm gonna go take care of that right now, ok? I just wanted you to know, it means a lot to me that you still care.
Never come here again.
Ok! Listen to this police report-- Back in the sixties, Bunsen was the prime suspect in the murder of his wife.
How'd he kill her? No cause of death could be determined.
They never had enough evidence to charge him.
It says here that Bunsen disappeared in '72.
Must have been when he died and went to hell.
But why come back to kill some old ladies? - I know why it's bugs.
- Why? They found Bunsen's wife in a compost heap completely devoured by bugs.
Oh, god.
Can't we just skip this one? You know, just let it slide, tell the devil we couldn't find him? Can we do that? Let's get the vessel, see how hard it's going to be.
Yeah.
Oh, right, yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
How am I supposed to catch a soul with this? Oh, yeah, yeah, it has to be plugged in.
We gotta catch it wherever there's an electrical outlet? Well, that's why the Work Bench saves the day.
All right, let's find us an outlet.
Oh, laundry room's that way, I bet we can plug in there.
I'll do some recon.
Here.
Ok.
Hey, here it is.
- Oh, good, good, good.
- Yeah.
Just put it in.
This is it.
I should test it out.
No, I don't think you should, since I-- Oh! Oh! No! Die! Toaster! Die, toaster, die! That was me.
That was my fault.
Really.
Bad news.
Ben broke the vessel.
Go, go, go! Ok, so we know where the soul is.
As soon as Ben fixes the vessel, we go back and we nail him.
Sam, I want you to understand something, ok? This guy controls bugs.
I know.
That's why we have to stop him so he doesn't do it again.
Bugs, Sam! Bugs that kill people.
I'm sorry, I'm out.
Look, you guys don't have to do this, ok? This is my deal.
If it's too much, I understand.
Think I found the problem.
There's a short.
And this thing was never gonna work right, anyway.
Why am I not surprised? - Can you fix it? - Of course.
Just have to order the parts, which will take a day, and you and me can send this guy - back to hell in a toaster.
- Actually let me take care of this one on my own, Benji.
I don't want you to get hurt again.
Sam Oliver, Andi Prendergast, report to the manager's office.
Sam Oliver, Andi Prendergast, manager's office.
You sure, Sam? Positive.
I can totally handle this.
Kiss ass.
Coward.
What does Ted want to see us for? I don't know, maybe he's lonely.
Ok.
It's been exactly 24 hours since I've offered you a tremendous career advancement opportunity here at the Bench.
And your answer is? I don't want the assistant manager job, Ted.
Thank you, but no.
That is a bad decision on your part.
But good for you, Andi.
Congratulations.
You are the new assistant manager of the plumbing department.
What? Your training begins immediately.
Wait, no, I really don't want that job.
It's a big decision, I don't need your answer right now.
No, you have my answer.
No, thank you.
You can tell me next week.
I'm not going to be here next week.
What do you mean? I'm taking classes, prerequisites for college next semester.
I was thinking of a way to tell you.
Wait--wait, you're leaving? I'm real-- I'm really sorry.
Awkward for both of you.
Almost for all-- all three of us, actually, since--'cause I'm right here when it happened.
- Hey, everybody.
- All right.
To Andi, thank god you finally made it out of that dump.
Well, it still does not compute for me.
- What, growing up? - Ha ha ha, hilarious.
No, I am grown up, Josie, ok? I can drink, and I can vote.
When the hell have you ever voted? Unimportant.
Look, yay, yes, we're all very happy for Andi, but can someone please explain to me the attraction to college? Yeah, 'cause I want a career one day, not just a job.
- Exactly.
- You know what I mean? Yes.
No, I don't.
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.
Ok, well, I'm never going to buy a house off - of work bench wages, ever.
- I have a house.
- It's your mom's house.
- No, but I-- I live in it, ok? And somebody pays the bills, somebody cooks the food, and somebody does the laundry.
So I put it to you guys, the table.
The great life, or the greatest life? You are leaching off your mom, and you are actually defending it.
She's a mom, Josie, she likes it.
It's awesome for her.
Andi, do not listen to these morons.
I think that going back to school is the best decision you made since the last time you decided to do it, and this time it is going to stick.
All right.
Andi, I'm happy for you.
I think you're gonna do great, we're gonna miss you, you're going to do amazing in college.
Thank you, Ben.
I hate you so much right now.
I gotta--um, I'll be right back.
So what are we doing, Sam? I know, I know there were some technical difficulties with the vessel, but I'm gonna snag the escaped soul tomorrow.
No, I'm talking about you being such a buzz kill.
What's the problem? Andi's leaving again, probably for good.
Oh, so you're just gonna whine in your light beer.
- No wonder she's bailing.
- Ok, are we done? Or do you need to keep riding my ass? You know, Sam, sometimes I just don't understand you.
You know, it'd be one thing for you blow off your bounty hunter duties to get the girl, but you're not even doing that.
You're embarrassing me.
What do you want me to do? Get the girl, get the soul.
I don't care which, man, just pull that trigger.
Tired of coddling you.
You call what you put me through "coddling?" Oh-ho, Sam.
You have no idea.
It's not me.
I didn't kill anyone.
It's her, she's back.
- Who? - Gloria.
She's so jealous, so protective.
She killed my wife.
And that, uh, exterminator guy.
I told him to stay away.
And the three old ladies? Fiona something, um, Harriet and Lois? - They're all dead? - Yeah.
But I only talked to them.
Gloria's killing anyone she thinks is getting between us.
You just stay away.
She'll kill you, too.
She's everywhere.
She sees everything.
Bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs.
Gonna kill me some bugs.
That bug spray sucks ass.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
My old grandmother could kill more bugs than that stuff.
Try the red one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Go with that.
Get kind of heavy carrying all that stuff around, don't you think? Just a little? Hey, careful, careful with the bug bombs, all right? Don't want to mess around and blow the place up.
I do not.
You know why I can't go with you, right? Yeah.
I understand.
Good, good.
Good! Good, good, good.
All settled.
Good to know.
Sam, no, no, whoa, no, no, no! God, it's like you don't know anything sometimes! A fog machine? How are you going to see? You're going to suffocate, stupid! Unless you use a gas mask.
That'll work.
Right here.
Good thing we sell these.
Take that one.
- Don't forget the old toaster.
- Oh, yeah.
Definitely need two of these.
Oh, yeah.
We'll strap this on your back.
Turn around.
Turn around! Honestly, it's like you're a child sometimes, Sam.
Ok.
Sock, do you want to come with me to capture the soul? Ok.
So are we gonna pay for this stuff? - Define "pay.
" - Like, pay money.
Oh, no, no.
What do you mean? We're not gonna pay.
Excuse me.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'll be right back, ok? Fine.
- Andi, hey.
- Hey.
What's wrong? I think I'm screwed.
Why? Listen to this.
"Statistical analysis.
Topics include-- probability, binomial and normal distributions, for means and proportions, applied combinative something, discrete and continuous random variables, and simple linear regression.
" Yeah, I think my brain just broke a little.
Yeah, I have to take this course, and I can't even figure out what the course description means.
Am I making a huge mistake by going to college full-time? Honestly.
You know, that's not really something I can answer.
Because I tried it before, and I left.
Look, you can do this, Andi.
This is nothing.
- I don't know.
- I do.
Take the hard classes, and then take some of the easy stuff, like, uh, badminton.
- I suck at badminton.
- Yeah, me, too.
You're just freaking yourself out.
It's a big change, and you know you've had your life on hold ever since your dad died.
Yeah.
You're right.
Maybe it's time that I move on.
On the Work Bench.
Thank you.
Yeah, no problem.
Ok.
You know, I'm gonna go this afternoon and sign up for classes.
I can't believe it.
We'll go plug in.
How are you getting in Bunsen's place? I don't know.
I guess we kick the door down? - Yeah.
- Be careful.
- Don't break your ankle.
- Thanks.
You get the vessel to Sam, - I'll feed you the cord, all right? - Got it.
Go, go, go, go.
Sorry.
You scared me.
Who are you? I'm, uh I'm Burt Wysocki, but everyone just calls me Sock.
I think it's because I fit like a glove, you know? Bunsen! Bunsen, you gotta get out of here! What are you plugging in? Oh, that's, uh, that's technical.
I don't want to bore you with the details.
What's, uh, what's your name? Ok, ok, look, look, look.
All right, look.
I was just trying not to scare you there before.
It's about to get pretty darn real out there.
I think you should stay with me, I'll protect you.
Is something bad about to happen? Well, I wouldn't say "bad" so much as, uh, "bad-assed.
" 'Bout to squash a few bugs, you know what I mean? Dead.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe after that, we could, uh, go grab a drink together.
Share a couple laughs, maybe, uh, launder some soiled clothing.
You got a little something on your forehead.
Never mind, looks like you got it.
Bunsen, Bunsen! Oh, boy.
No bugs.
Where the hell's the soul? Where the hell is Sock? Uh, Sock don'tmove.
I'm not an idiot, Ben.
- Come on, let him go.
- Sam, Sam, Sam! Keep it on the cool tip.
She knows I'm allergic to bees.
How does she know that? It came up in conversation, ok? Drop the toaster, or your friend chokes to death on his swollen tongue.
Actually, it's more of a hives thing-- Sam, Sam! Just let him go.
No one comes between Harold and me.
Not even the devil himself.
Let him go, Gloria.
That's enough already.
You can't just go around killing everybody you think is coming between us.
Harold, they're trying to send me back.
You don't want that.
Do you? Yeah, I do.
I never actually loved you, Gloria.
What? I'm sorry, I know I told you I did, but I was really into it for the sex.
What we had was a fling, nothing more.
What's going on? I don't know.
It's working, but it's not working.
When I realized you killed my wife, I, uh felt like I had to stay with you, but it was more fear than love.
It was all fear, actually.
I'm sorry.
I went to hell for you.
Oh, look.
Look, Ben, look.
- What? - It's a bug zapper.
I think we broke it when we fixed it.
- I am sorry.
- Don't be.
Because I'm taking you with me when I go back.
Oh, Sam, think of something! Do something, Sam! Hey, hey, bro-ham.
Never tell crazy that you were in it for the sex! No, all I'm saying is that I feel bad for the guy.
I'd still do that chick.
Gloria? - She almost killed you.
- I know.
Makes me want her more.
The guy could have ended this whole thing if he would have just told gloria the truth.
Instead, all those people died, and he lived a miserable life.
Yeah, you're right.
About what? I don't want to be miserable my whole life.
- Here, turn this in for me.
- Where are you goin'? Andi left for college once, and I never said anything.
The devil's right.
I just stare at her like an idiot and wait for something to happen.
I'm not gonna do that again.
- Keys.
- Hey, keys! *Each day's bettering me now* Excuse me, excuse me.
Do you know where the media studies building is? Thank you.
*Each day is bettering me now* *all the time, spend it with me now* Andi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here? Um, I just wanted to see you, to, uh, tell you something.
Ok, well, here I am.
So what do you want to tell me? Look, I was just thinking You know When I heard you were going to quit the Bench Look, I just really hate the idea of not working with you anymore.
You know? But I think it's cool that you want to go to school.
I'm not going to school anymore, Sam.
Classes were canceled for the whole semester.
- But why? - Asbestos.
Someone called into the state and reported the building is filled with it.
So they shut the whole department down.
That's weird, huh? Yeah, that's - Really, um, really weird.
- Yeah.
Andi, I'm sorry.
I know how important this is to you.
You know how I feel about it? - No.
- Relieved.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I'm not ready for all this.
You know, college, classes.
You know, I came back to the Work Bench because I wanted everything to be normal again.
I just really wanted everything to be the way that it used to be.
I realize that sounds crazy.
No, I totally get it.
I mean, I'll go back one day.
I'll be ready to change everything, just not now.
Right now, I really need my life to stay exactly the same.
You know? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
I mean, you could go back, too.
You aren't going to hang out in toilets forever.
Yes, I could go back.
But, uh, for now, - nothing changes.
- Right.
For now.
*Each day's better with you now* Are you--are you gonna eat that? It's all yours.
*All my time, spend it with you now* - That's a good cookie.
- *All my time, spend it with you now*
- I'm the devil! - Aah!!! You're just going to bring escaped souls back to hell.
You know, like a bounty hunter.
- You didn't tell Andi? - No! I'm not gonna tell Andi.
If she knows, she'll think I'm a freak.
You can make her go out with you.
You can make her go out with you, Damien.
Sam, I like you.
I love working with you guys.
And how am I supposed to capture them? This will help.
A vessel.
Handcrafted in the bowels of perdition by the iniquitous and the vio.
How do you capture a soul with it? Maybe you drive it into the guy, right? You finally found the one thing that you're good at, and you kicked ass.
We kicked ass.
I did it.
You're dead.
You're dead.
You're dead! Ah, I'm dead.
*Good morning, new day's dawning* *and I'm through yawning* *now we get excited every week babe* *ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh* *what's it seem when everything's wrong?* *Despair sinking in* *spend days just sleeping in* *good morning, a new day's dawning* *and I'm through yawning now we get excited* *every week* Give me a bite of that.
No, no, I need you to feed it to me.
- What? - I'm starving, ok? Everything I put in my mouth ends up covered in bugs.
Oh, nice.
So bugs, huh? You think that's the work of, uh, el diablo? It must be.
Time to collect a soul that's escaped from hell.
I just wish the devil would do it in a less disgusting way.
All right, come on.
Open up, baby bird.
Tilt it back.
- Get it, get it real-- - Morning.
No, please continue.
Very romantic, actually.
Ha, yeah, no, it's-- my hands are dirty.
Sam, what time are you off work tonight? Seven.
Why? There's a primate lecture on campus tonight.
They're bringing in a lowland gorilla expert.
I could use your company.
Really? I just figured we could get a cup of coffee afterwards with some people in class.
So what do you say? You, me and the monkeys? Um, yeah, well, actually, uh--ahh.
Sock and I made plans to hang out, so Yep.
Yeah.
Yes.
Uh, we're gonna go donate bone marrow - to the needy at the convention.
- You guys are so weird.
Oh-ho.
That's right.
- Bone marrow? - Pardon me, idiot, but I think Andi just asked you out on a date.
No, it wasn't a date, ok? It was a lecture, and I don't want to spend the evening feeling stupid in front of her college friends.
Whatever, man.
She was all up in your grill piece, and you told her to take a hike.
- Good job.
- It's not a good time to start something with Andi, all right? It's just I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had such a full calendar right now.
My life is complicated, ok? If we actually went on a date, it would be a total disaster.
You know what? I'm sick of that old song and dance, ok? "My name's Sam, I gather shopping carts for a living, I collect souls for the devil.
" Boohoo.
Zero pity.
You're gonna have to do better than that.
Well? See, now I think that's cool.
Reaper Season 1 Episode 3 - All Mine You ever feel lost, Sam? - What? - Lost.
Aimless, lacking purpose.
Believe me, I can relate.
I wasn't always the manager.
I had to earn it.
But I had to shake off some serious addiction issues before I found direction in my life.
- You were addicted to drugs? - Gambling.
And shoes.
Lots of shoes.
Point is, Sam, is that I turned my life around.
And there's still hope for you.
Hope in the form of toilets.
- Toilets? - For 2,000 years, people have been using these porcelain "thrones," and they're gonna be using them for another 2,000.
Um, yeah, I just have no interest in selling toilets, so I see a spark of the old me in you, you know? Please don't tell me that, Ted.
And that's why I am prepared to promote you to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
What do you think of them apples? I think I want to stab myself.
- Sorry? - What? I'm throwing you a lifeline here, Sam.
I suggest you take it.
Yeah, it's just my destiny does not include spending the rest of my life at the work bench.
You know, I have plans to do something with my life.
Doing something with your life, Sam, requires skills.
And the only overt skills I see from you is tardiness and general ineptitude.
Lifeline, Sam.
- Think about it, ok? - Ok.
What are you doing? This is really nice.
Much roomier than it looks.
Why, you could live in there.
Finally get out of your parents' house, huh, Sam? Ugh.
Give me the vessel.
No, no, no, no.
I do not like this tone at all.
What's the problem? Ted wants to promote me to assistant manager of the plumbing department.
Promotion? Well, congratulations! Make sure you get the 401k.
No, no, don't congratulate me.
He's saying that I'm going to spend the rest of my life here at the work bench.
You know, I don't get you, Sammy.
You don't want to work here at this place, you don't want to work for me.
What exactly do you want? Just something that doesn't suck.
Well, one of these days, maybe you'll come up with a little better plan than that, huh? I brought this for you.
This is the vessel? No.
I just want to communicate with you on your level, buddy.
Go ahead, give it a gander.
Oh, man, what are you showing me? That's Harriet Swenseen, 62.
Her death was attributed to anaphylactic shock.
Keep going.
Lois Johnson, 59.
She caught the west nile virus.
Fiona Beauchamp, 65.
She was done in by a nasty infection from a bite.
Oh, sorry.
That's me at the Emmys.
All right, so let me guess.
They were all killed by bugs? Yeah, maybe, maybe.
I can tell you this-- all the deaths occurred in the last 2 months.
That's it? That's all you're gonna tell me? Oh, come on! Aren't you going to at least thank me for the visual presentation? - I mean, how cool was that? - It just doesn't help me.
- Wait, I need more help.
- Follow the bugs, buddy.
What does that mean? You didn't give me the vessel! Thanks.
Ass.
Ted offered me a job today.
Assistant manager of plumbing.
Oh.
I see.
- I'm not taking it.
- No, no, you know what? Go ahead, take your little job, Mr.
Man.
- When were you gonna tell us? - I'm not gonna take it.
I'm not taking it.
I'm probably not taking it.
Probably? Probably not going to take it? Well, guess what? I'm probably not going to feed management french fries.
Why are you so pissed off about this, huh? - Why? - Yeah, why do you care? Maybe if you didn't have your lips permanently sealed to Ted's anus like an ass gasket, you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, ok? - Come on.
- God! You're angry today, man.
A little bit.
I want a salad.
Uh, no.
Sorry, I'm not going to order you a salad.
- That's a chick order.
- I want a salad.
You're not getting a salad.
We always do this.
- Do what? Do what? - Do this.
What, you always order a salad? You're getting the chicken midgets! Fine.
And a side salad, ok? You can have a side salad.
Thank you.
Appreciate it.
Hey, guys, look.
- Devil said follow the bugs.
- Go, go, go, go, go! Burger! I saw him turn right up there.
Pull over.
Horseshoe court.
What is this place? Looks like an apartment complex.
You think the exterminator's the escaped soul? I don't know.
- The soul kills people with bugs.
- Oh, head's up.
Dispatch, I got trouble.
This place is swarming with bugs.
They're everywhere.
I'm calling public works in on this one.
They're gonna have to fumigate the whole complex.
What do we do? I don't know.
I left the vessel at the bench.
What? We were getting food.
I didn't think we'd need it.
That's not exactly management thinking, is it, Sam? All right.
Look, look! It's locked.
It's locked, it's locked! Uh, yeah, good thinking, good thinking! Guess he's not the escaped soul.
Bug.
Oh! Relax, there's no bugs on you! They got in my pants, Sam.
In my pants! I know, I know, they got everywhere.
So the soul is in the apartment complex.
Makes sense.
The exterminator tried to kill the bugs, so the soul made the bugs kill him.
Ok, but the problem is, there's a dozen houses in there, so where does the soul live? Sock, bees are not nesting in your crotch.
What are you doin'? I thought these might help us find out where the soul lives.
You stole mail? - Yeah.
- Sock, that's a felony.
Well, come on now, there's a fine line between a felony and doing something really super cool.
- That's true.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Rooster in the dog house, buddy.
Andi's cozying up to a tie rack over there.
Who's that? I don't know.
I've never seen him before.
I know who that is.
Some college punk she met at that monkey thing that you wussed out on.
Now she's gettin' married, and it's all your fault.
She's not getting married.
Just take the mail in the back before you get arrested.
I'll be right back.
If you showed up more often, you'd know.
'Cause if you don't party all the time.
That's what people do in college.
- No! - They party, yes.
Hey.
Uh, this is Greg.
- Greg, this is Sam.
- Hey.
Good to meet you, Sam.
He was dropping off my jacket 'cause I left it at the lecture last night.
Oh, you guysyou guys go to school together.
We just met last night.
Though I'm hoping to see her more often.
He's just trying to convince me to go to school full-time, which I think is absolutely crazy.
I don't see why.
Do you realize how smart she is? Yeah, oh, yeah, she's totally smart.
Look, even then, I'd have to work, and there's just really no time to study, so Well, you'd have to quit this job.
Quit? Well, what do you think about me going back to college, Sam? Well, you know, I don't know, you go to school and you get all in debt, and then, you know, you graduate and you have to get a job to pay off all your loans, so you're right back at the bench where you started.
So to speak.
Or you could get a career.
You know, a salary, a job with a future.
There--there's a future here.
In, um toilets.
Toilets? You know, everybody needs toilet.
You know, I'm not knocking you, Sam.
I'm just saying, Andi can be so much more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, I need to head out.
- Nice meeting you.
- You, too.
Ok, well, I have drill bits calling my name, - so I will talk to you later.
- All right.
Hey, hey.
How'd it go with captain laptop? He's trying to convince Andi to go back to college full-time and quit the Bench.
Who the hell does this guy think he is?! I don't think she's gonna do it.
It's too much for her.
I'm sure I'm sure she'll stay here.
It's a passing thing, it'll be fine.
Did you guys find anything? Ah, well, for starters, miss Marjorie Platt from apartment - Another one? - The lakehouse.
God! Thank me later, Margie.
Well, everybody seems normal.
No weird bug fetishes, no satanic magazine subscriptions.
This guy's mail is forwarded from an old address.
Harold Bunsen.
Harold-- Oh, oh, wait a minute.
Uh, yeah.
I have his gas bill right here, and it says his service started 2 months ago.
Right around the time of the first murder.
Could be him.
I know how we could find out for sure.
All right, Josie's out to lunch.
We use her computer, we're on our merry way, nobody knows nothing.
- You still have keys to her office? - Ah, yeah.
Well, I mean, you know, I kept a couple after we broke up for emergencies only.
And for, uh, naps at her apartment while she's not there.
Great.
We need a password.
Oh, uh, try, uh try grumpy.
- It's a little pet name we had for-- - I don't want to know.
A cat that we had, you sicko.
God.
No, I'm just kidding.
It was totally a name for my junk.
That actually worked.
Keep an eye out for Josie, I want to see if Bunsen committed any crimes.
Ok, will do.
Don't you, uh, don't you want to know why we called it grumpy? I do not.
No.
Thank you.
Fine, suit yourself.
How you doin'? Having fun bein' hot? I am.
Just keep going.
Danger, danger, wrap it up, wrap it up.
I just started! Just wrap it up! Oh, my god, you are a stalker.
Wow, what are you doing here? That's so-- that's so weird.
What are you doing? - Uh who's this guy? - My boss.
He prosecutes criminals.
Daniel Scofield, district attorney.
Burt Wysocki, king of beers.
We'll pick this up later, Josie.
Awesome.
See you later.
Bangin' the boss, huh? Good choice, big shot.
I am not banging my boss.
Really? Maybe you should.
Might get a little promotion out of it.
Get out of here, Sock.
Wait, wait, Josie, Josie.
Um, I-- wait, I do have something important that I need to tell you, ok? This is hard.
I I have the cancer.
- What? - Yeah.
I don't have cancer, I'm sorry.
I had a dream about having cancer, and you were the first person that I thought of when I woke up.
I thought that had to mean something, you know? Right? There is something really wrong with you.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I'm gonna go take care of that right now, ok? I just wanted you to know, it means a lot to me that you still care.
Never come here again.
Ok! Listen to this police report-- Back in the sixties, Bunsen was the prime suspect in the murder of his wife.
How'd he kill her? No cause of death could be determined.
They never had enough evidence to charge him.
It says here that Bunsen disappeared in '72.
Must have been when he died and went to hell.
But why come back to kill some old ladies? - I know why it's bugs.
- Why? They found Bunsen's wife in a compost heap completely devoured by bugs.
Oh, god.
Can't we just skip this one? You know, just let it slide, tell the devil we couldn't find him? Can we do that? Let's get the vessel, see how hard it's going to be.
Yeah.
Oh, right, yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
How am I supposed to catch a soul with this? Oh, yeah, yeah, it has to be plugged in.
We gotta catch it wherever there's an electrical outlet? Well, that's why the Work Bench saves the day.
All right, let's find us an outlet.
Oh, laundry room's that way, I bet we can plug in there.
I'll do some recon.
Here.
Ok.
Hey, here it is.
- Oh, good, good, good.
- Yeah.
Just put it in.
This is it.
I should test it out.
No, I don't think you should, since I-- Oh! Oh! No! Die! Toaster! Die, toaster, die! That was me.
That was my fault.
Really.
Bad news.
Ben broke the vessel.
Go, go, go! Ok, so we know where the soul is.
As soon as Ben fixes the vessel, we go back and we nail him.
Sam, I want you to understand something, ok? This guy controls bugs.
I know.
That's why we have to stop him so he doesn't do it again.
Bugs, Sam! Bugs that kill people.
I'm sorry, I'm out.
Look, you guys don't have to do this, ok? This is my deal.
If it's too much, I understand.
Think I found the problem.
There's a short.
And this thing was never gonna work right, anyway.
Why am I not surprised? - Can you fix it? - Of course.
Just have to order the parts, which will take a day, and you and me can send this guy - back to hell in a toaster.
- Actually let me take care of this one on my own, Benji.
I don't want you to get hurt again.
Sam Oliver, Andi Prendergast, report to the manager's office.
Sam Oliver, Andi Prendergast, manager's office.
You sure, Sam? Positive.
I can totally handle this.
Kiss ass.
Coward.
What does Ted want to see us for? I don't know, maybe he's lonely.
Ok.
It's been exactly 24 hours since I've offered you a tremendous career advancement opportunity here at the Bench.
And your answer is? I don't want the assistant manager job, Ted.
Thank you, but no.
That is a bad decision on your part.
But good for you, Andi.
Congratulations.
You are the new assistant manager of the plumbing department.
What? Your training begins immediately.
Wait, no, I really don't want that job.
It's a big decision, I don't need your answer right now.
No, you have my answer.
No, thank you.
You can tell me next week.
I'm not going to be here next week.
What do you mean? I'm taking classes, prerequisites for college next semester.
I was thinking of a way to tell you.
Wait--wait, you're leaving? I'm real-- I'm really sorry.
Awkward for both of you.
Almost for all-- all three of us, actually, since--'cause I'm right here when it happened.
- Hey, everybody.
- All right.
To Andi, thank god you finally made it out of that dump.
Well, it still does not compute for me.
- What, growing up? - Ha ha ha, hilarious.
No, I am grown up, Josie, ok? I can drink, and I can vote.
When the hell have you ever voted? Unimportant.
Look, yay, yes, we're all very happy for Andi, but can someone please explain to me the attraction to college? Yeah, 'cause I want a career one day, not just a job.
- Exactly.
- You know what I mean? Yes.
No, I don't.
I'm sorry, I don't understand that.
Ok, well, I'm never going to buy a house off - of work bench wages, ever.
- I have a house.
- It's your mom's house.
- No, but I-- I live in it, ok? And somebody pays the bills, somebody cooks the food, and somebody does the laundry.
So I put it to you guys, the table.
The great life, or the greatest life? You are leaching off your mom, and you are actually defending it.
She's a mom, Josie, she likes it.
It's awesome for her.
Andi, do not listen to these morons.
I think that going back to school is the best decision you made since the last time you decided to do it, and this time it is going to stick.
All right.
Andi, I'm happy for you.
I think you're gonna do great, we're gonna miss you, you're going to do amazing in college.
Thank you, Ben.
I hate you so much right now.
I gotta--um, I'll be right back.
So what are we doing, Sam? I know, I know there were some technical difficulties with the vessel, but I'm gonna snag the escaped soul tomorrow.
No, I'm talking about you being such a buzz kill.
What's the problem? Andi's leaving again, probably for good.
Oh, so you're just gonna whine in your light beer.
- No wonder she's bailing.
- Ok, are we done? Or do you need to keep riding my ass? You know, Sam, sometimes I just don't understand you.
You know, it'd be one thing for you blow off your bounty hunter duties to get the girl, but you're not even doing that.
You're embarrassing me.
What do you want me to do? Get the girl, get the soul.
I don't care which, man, just pull that trigger.
Tired of coddling you.
You call what you put me through "coddling?" Oh-ho, Sam.
You have no idea.
It's not me.
I didn't kill anyone.
It's her, she's back.
- Who? - Gloria.
She's so jealous, so protective.
She killed my wife.
And that, uh, exterminator guy.
I told him to stay away.
And the three old ladies? Fiona something, um, Harriet and Lois? - They're all dead? - Yeah.
But I only talked to them.
Gloria's killing anyone she thinks is getting between us.
You just stay away.
She'll kill you, too.
She's everywhere.
She sees everything.
Bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs.
Gonna kill me some bugs.
That bug spray sucks ass.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
My old grandmother could kill more bugs than that stuff.
Try the red one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Go with that.
Get kind of heavy carrying all that stuff around, don't you think? Just a little? Hey, careful, careful with the bug bombs, all right? Don't want to mess around and blow the place up.
I do not.
You know why I can't go with you, right? Yeah.
I understand.
Good, good.
Good! Good, good, good.
All settled.
Good to know.
Sam, no, no, whoa, no, no, no! God, it's like you don't know anything sometimes! A fog machine? How are you going to see? You're going to suffocate, stupid! Unless you use a gas mask.
That'll work.
Right here.
Good thing we sell these.
Take that one.
- Don't forget the old toaster.
- Oh, yeah.
Definitely need two of these.
Oh, yeah.
We'll strap this on your back.
Turn around.
Turn around! Honestly, it's like you're a child sometimes, Sam.
Ok.
Sock, do you want to come with me to capture the soul? Ok.
So are we gonna pay for this stuff? - Define "pay.
" - Like, pay money.
Oh, no, no.
What do you mean? We're not gonna pay.
Excuse me.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'll be right back, ok? Fine.
- Andi, hey.
- Hey.
What's wrong? I think I'm screwed.
Why? Listen to this.
"Statistical analysis.
Topics include-- probability, binomial and normal distributions, for means and proportions, applied combinative something, discrete and continuous random variables, and simple linear regression.
" Yeah, I think my brain just broke a little.
Yeah, I have to take this course, and I can't even figure out what the course description means.
Am I making a huge mistake by going to college full-time? Honestly.
You know, that's not really something I can answer.
Because I tried it before, and I left.
Look, you can do this, Andi.
This is nothing.
- I don't know.
- I do.
Take the hard classes, and then take some of the easy stuff, like, uh, badminton.
- I suck at badminton.
- Yeah, me, too.
You're just freaking yourself out.
It's a big change, and you know you've had your life on hold ever since your dad died.
Yeah.
You're right.
Maybe it's time that I move on.
On the Work Bench.
Thank you.
Yeah, no problem.
Ok.
You know, I'm gonna go this afternoon and sign up for classes.
I can't believe it.
We'll go plug in.
How are you getting in Bunsen's place? I don't know.
I guess we kick the door down? - Yeah.
- Be careful.
- Don't break your ankle.
- Thanks.
You get the vessel to Sam, - I'll feed you the cord, all right? - Got it.
Go, go, go, go.
Sorry.
You scared me.
Who are you? I'm, uh I'm Burt Wysocki, but everyone just calls me Sock.
I think it's because I fit like a glove, you know? Bunsen! Bunsen, you gotta get out of here! What are you plugging in? Oh, that's, uh, that's technical.
I don't want to bore you with the details.
What's, uh, what's your name? Ok, ok, look, look, look.
All right, look.
I was just trying not to scare you there before.
It's about to get pretty darn real out there.
I think you should stay with me, I'll protect you.
Is something bad about to happen? Well, I wouldn't say "bad" so much as, uh, "bad-assed.
" 'Bout to squash a few bugs, you know what I mean? Dead.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe after that, we could, uh, go grab a drink together.
Share a couple laughs, maybe, uh, launder some soiled clothing.
You got a little something on your forehead.
Never mind, looks like you got it.
Bunsen, Bunsen! Oh, boy.
No bugs.
Where the hell's the soul? Where the hell is Sock? Uh, Sock don'tmove.
I'm not an idiot, Ben.
- Come on, let him go.
- Sam, Sam, Sam! Keep it on the cool tip.
She knows I'm allergic to bees.
How does she know that? It came up in conversation, ok? Drop the toaster, or your friend chokes to death on his swollen tongue.
Actually, it's more of a hives thing-- Sam, Sam! Just let him go.
No one comes between Harold and me.
Not even the devil himself.
Let him go, Gloria.
That's enough already.
You can't just go around killing everybody you think is coming between us.
Harold, they're trying to send me back.
You don't want that.
Do you? Yeah, I do.
I never actually loved you, Gloria.
What? I'm sorry, I know I told you I did, but I was really into it for the sex.
What we had was a fling, nothing more.
What's going on? I don't know.
It's working, but it's not working.
When I realized you killed my wife, I, uh felt like I had to stay with you, but it was more fear than love.
It was all fear, actually.
I'm sorry.
I went to hell for you.
Oh, look.
Look, Ben, look.
- What? - It's a bug zapper.
I think we broke it when we fixed it.
- I am sorry.
- Don't be.
Because I'm taking you with me when I go back.
Oh, Sam, think of something! Do something, Sam! Hey, hey, bro-ham.
Never tell crazy that you were in it for the sex! No, all I'm saying is that I feel bad for the guy.
I'd still do that chick.
Gloria? - She almost killed you.
- I know.
Makes me want her more.
The guy could have ended this whole thing if he would have just told gloria the truth.
Instead, all those people died, and he lived a miserable life.
Yeah, you're right.
About what? I don't want to be miserable my whole life.
- Here, turn this in for me.
- Where are you goin'? Andi left for college once, and I never said anything.
The devil's right.
I just stare at her like an idiot and wait for something to happen.
I'm not gonna do that again.
- Keys.
- Hey, keys! *Each day's bettering me now* Excuse me, excuse me.
Do you know where the media studies building is? Thank you.
*Each day is bettering me now* *all the time, spend it with me now* Andi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here? Um, I just wanted to see you, to, uh, tell you something.
Ok, well, here I am.
So what do you want to tell me? Look, I was just thinking You know When I heard you were going to quit the Bench Look, I just really hate the idea of not working with you anymore.
You know? But I think it's cool that you want to go to school.
I'm not going to school anymore, Sam.
Classes were canceled for the whole semester.
- But why? - Asbestos.
Someone called into the state and reported the building is filled with it.
So they shut the whole department down.
That's weird, huh? Yeah, that's - Really, um, really weird.
- Yeah.
Andi, I'm sorry.
I know how important this is to you.
You know how I feel about it? - No.
- Relieved.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, I'm not ready for all this.
You know, college, classes.
You know, I came back to the Work Bench because I wanted everything to be normal again.
I just really wanted everything to be the way that it used to be.
I realize that sounds crazy.
No, I totally get it.
I mean, I'll go back one day.
I'll be ready to change everything, just not now.
Right now, I really need my life to stay exactly the same.
You know? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
I mean, you could go back, too.
You aren't going to hang out in toilets forever.
Yes, I could go back.
But, uh, for now, - nothing changes.
- Right.
For now.
*Each day's better with you now* Are you--are you gonna eat that? It's all yours.
*All my time, spend it with you now* - That's a good cookie.
- *All my time, spend it with you now*