Romantically Challenged s01e03 Episode Script

- Oh my God! Oh my God! - What? What happened? - Earthquake? Or hurricane? - No.
No, no, no.
Our cable company dropped the hockey channel - right before the play-offs.
- Well, don't panic.
I'll call F.
E.
M.
A.
and get us a trailer.
Oh, thank God you're here.
Quick.
Who's your cable provider? - Same as you.
- Me, too.
Oh, damn it! Which channel did they drop, sports or porn? - Sports.
- Oh, thank God.
So, Becs, are you sure you don't want to go - to the reunion Saturday night? - I really don't need to revisit that.
- High school was not my prime.
- You're kidding me.
I would've thought you'd have been popular.
I went through a pretty extended awkward phase.
Let's just say, until senior year, people couldn't always tell I was a girl.
Well, there's some pretty compelling evidence now.
(chuckles) You know, the only reason I'd go to that reunion is to see Jesse Powers.
- Who's Jesse Powers? - He was my prom date.
- At least, he was supposed to be, until he stood me up.
- No.
- Yeah, and I should have known.
You know, he was a football player and super good-looking.
Ugh.
The way he wore those cut-off t-shirts and painter's pants? Mm! Zip-a-dee-do-dah! I waited for him for two hours, and then I had my dad drive me to prom to see if maybe, you know, there was a mistake or something only to find him there with another girl - and everyone laughing at me.
- And then you tried to run away, - but you got tangled up in the streamers.
- Yeah, how did you know? I heard about that at my school! You're prom dork! But, Becs, you got over that and became the beautiful, successful - woman you are today, so - Oh! Yeah, you should totally go, Rebecca, and take me with you.
Why do you wanna go? You're four years younger than I am.
Yes, I am, but I knew a lot of the guys in your class pretty well.
No, I'm gonna pass.
I mean, believe me, I would love to show Jesse Powers what I got a-goin' on, - But it's not gonna happen.
- Why not? He lives in Germany now.
Uh, not that I stalk him on Facebook or anything.
because I totally don't care.
All right, hold still.
I'm just texting some friends from high school.
I gotta tell them I know prom dork! Ressinc By JesKa (sighs) What's up with you? Well, tonight's the first night of the play-offs, and I'm gonna miss it.
- What, nobody has the hockey channel? - No.
I spent the entire day going from bar to bus station, the hospital waiting room.
I've never seen you work so hard.
I've never cared about anything until now.
Lisa, which one of my dresses would make a guy Most regret screwing me over in high school? Black strapless with the slit up the thigh.
Wait a minute.
You're going to the high school reunion? Mm-hmm.
Is jesse powers gonna be there? - Yes.
- Well, go.
Get ready.
What are you waiting for? And remember, no matter how good you look, You're gonna ruin it all if you start to dance.
Ugh.
I'm so bored.
Hey, you want to go in the bathroom and have sexual intercourse, if you get my drift? As clever a single entendre as that was, no, thank you.
Now scram.
I'm waiting for my friend to show up.
Fine.
I just I need something to help me forget about my hockey situation.
- Hi.
I'm sorry I'm late.
- Hey.
(chuckles) Oh, look at that.
I found something.
Hey, did you know Lisa had a secret stash of hot friends she was keeping from me? Oh, yeah.
We all do.
Oh, makes sense.
(phone ringing) Wait.
Rebecca just texted me.
Now she is going to the reunion.
Oh, yeah.
Apparently, that, uh, Jesse guy is gonna be there.
- Wait.
He is going now? - Apparently.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna talk to her.
She's gonna find out.
Find out what? Oh, she is gonna find out because he's gonna tell her.
- Tell her what? - Okay I have never told anyone this, ok? You gotta swear you're not gonna tell anyone.
- I swear.
- No, I mean, swear on something sacred.
I swear on the memory of the hockey channel.
I knew Jesse was gonna stand her up on prom night.
- You did? - Yeah.
A couple days before, I was with a bunch of guys from the football team.
Oh, that's right.
I keep forgetting you were on the football team.
- Yeah.
- You were the backup quarterback, right? Well, backup to the backup's backup.
And, uh, Jesse and a bunch of his friends were talking about how they were gonna pull this prank on Rebecca, and I heard them, - and promised I wouldn't tell her.
- Why? I don't know.
I looked up to them because they actually got to touch the ball How could you do that to your best friend? I was weak, and it was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
And I've kept it a secret from her this whole time.
And now you think it's all gonna come out at the reunion? Yeah.
Oh, this is I gotta get over there and stop this.
If he talks to her and tells her, she's gonna hate me forever.
Well, she should.
You're a bad person.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go defile Lisa's friend, what's-her-name.
- Roz? - Do I know you? - Rebecca.
Rebecca Thomas? - Oh my God.
Did you make a pact with the devil? You look fantastic.
- No, I don't.
- No, you do, you bitch.
Oh, and there's Jesse Powers.
Yep, there's Jesse Powers.
- Remember at prom when he stood you up? - Yes! Yes! I'm prom dork.
- Rebecca Thomas.
- I'm sorry.
Do I know you? I, um It's me - Jesse Powers.
- Jesse Powers! I'm sorry.
I didn't recognize you at first.
I must have been distracted by my successful life and other stuff I got going on.
Yeah, you, uh, you look fantastic.
Uh, I'm actually I'm actually really glad that you're here.
Uh What I did to you on prom night, I have felt bad about ever since.
And in fact, the main reason I came tonight - was so that I could apologize.
- Oh, thanks.
Uh, look, um, I would really love to have the chance to explain to you why I did what I did.
But I don't I don't think that this is really the right place.
- Let me take you out to dinner.
- I'm not falling for that twice.
No.
No.
Ok, I promise that I will show up this time.
Uh, I know that I wasn't a nice guy then, but I swear that I am now.
I'll bring a corsage Ok.
What the hell? - Yeah? - Yeah.
- Great.
Ok, great.
Awesome.
I'll call you.
- Ok.
Uh, and by the way, since everybody is watching us If you'd like, You can throw your drink in my face.
Oh, no.
You'll get all sticky.
Eh, it's ok.
I deserve it.
Oh, no, it's ok.
I mean, that seems kind of childish.
Ooh, that was fun! That was fun! (giggles) Call me.
I can't believe you just threw a drink in Jesse Powers' face.
You're my hero.
We gotta hang out.
Mm! Mm-hmm! Mm! (gasps) Perry Gill! - Oh, my.
- Wow.
You still look the same.
- You, too, Roz.
- I know.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm so glad you came.
Oh, I got your text.
I just I mean - this is awesome.
- Yeah.
Oh, who have you talked to? Oh, have you talked to that guy? Or her? Or, uh, Jesse Powers? Or I actually did talk to Jesse Powers.
- You did? Oh.
- Yeah.
Did you tell him off? And then did he leave without saying anything back to you? He actually caught me off guard a little.
He apologized and then said he wanted to take me out - to talk about prom night.
- Oh, well, that's yeah.
That sounds like a bad idea, though, right? Really? Why? He seems like a nice guy now.
He even let me throw a drink in his face.
Oh.
Where would a fella go after a thing like that? The bathroom? Oh, that is a good place.
Cool.
Oh.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh! I gotta say hi to - H Hey! Perry Gill! - Yeah, Perry Gill.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
It's, uh, it's been a long time.
Yes, it has.
What have you been up to, man, since graduation? - Well, I actually I went to business school.
- Cool.
And I heard you were talking to Rebecca.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we're actually gonna go out on a date.
Oh.
Yeah, she mentioned something like that.
- That's so weird that you would want to do that.
- Yeah? Why? I don't know.
Rebecca she's always been kind of eh, you know? And her personality's all you know? And there's just so many other fish in the sea, you know? Did you see Roz, by the way? Damn! Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
Rebecca is incredible.
And besides, you know what? It'll feel good to finally come clean about what happened on prom night.
You know, it'll give us both some closure.
Closure's for doors.
Just Please, just just for me, just don't go out with her.
Why why don't you want me to? Are you are you into her? Is that something that might make you back off? Well, absolutely.
Well, then please step very far back, because I'm not only into her, man, I'm I'm in love with her.
Wow.
Perr the bear, that's huge.
- Ok.
- Thanks, man.
I'm I'm very much in love with her.
Don't tell her, though, please, 'cause I haven't I haven't found the right time to tell her.
But I am in love.
It was one of the the it just kinda it was like What what is this? Cupid, thank you.
I've never done it so fast.
Well, you're so hot, I didn't want to take up a lot of your time.
That's very thoughtful of you.
No, I I meant, I never just meet someone and hop right into bed.
No.
No, me neither.
Thank you for making my first time so special.
Well the good news is, is now we have all night to talk and get to know each other better.
(giggles) Yeah, that does sound tempting.
Um, but, uh, you know, I've really gotta get home and and walk my dog.
Well, that's too bad.
- Maybe I'll see you around.
- Mm.
And we're back, with live play-off coverage on the hockey channel.
Pittsburgh up 2 to 1 with 8.
2 left in the second period.
faceoff back in their own end.
Stef wins it Can I be honest with you for a second? I was just running away because I was scared, scared of being vulnerable, sacred of letting you see the real Shawn, the one who really wants to spoon and "cuddow.
" Ok! Oh.
Yes! Oh, Hey, Lisa.
I heard you slept with Vanessa.
When did you start following me on Twitter? Shawn, this is why I keep my friends far away from you.
Let me tell you something.
Vanessa is different.
She has got something that I have been looking for all over the city.
I don't know what you're up to, predator but I will find out.
Just after a little thing called love, Lisa.
Maybe you've heard of it! You are not gonna believe this.
Jesse Powers said he was gonna call me, and he never did.
Say what? Yeah, so I called him, and then he never called me back.
He's actually standing me up again.
And you're surprised? That guy is I don't wanna be harsh here but worse than Hitler.
Maybe I should just forget about him.
That's the attitude.
I like that.
I can't stay for coffee, though.
Somehow I got talked into going to an olive oil tasting with Roz.
(phone ringing) Ooh! Ooh! It's Jesse Powers.
It's Jesse Powers.
Hello? (Jesse) Hey.
Hey, Rebecca.
Hi.
I was wondering when you were gonna call me.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry I haven't yet.
I, uh, you know, I have been struggling with something, And, well, I probably shouldn't tell you this, Because Perry Gill asked me not to What does he have to do with it? Well, he's the reason I haven't called.
Um, he asked me to back off.
Why would he do that? Well, he told me That he was in love with you.
Say what? Wow.
I was amazing.
So, uh, where's the remote? You know, we've been spending a lot of time in the bedroom.
Let's go someplace else tonight.
You're right.
And game two of the play-offs is off to an exciting start.
Yeah, that's better.
It's, uh, it's not exactly what I had in mind.
Oh, no, I know.
I know.
But if we go out, there are so many distractions, and I just want to focus on you.
Oh, speaking of you, uh, what are you doing Saturday? It'll be the third game in our series Of dates.
Um, well, actually, I'm going out of town tomorrow.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, I'm gonna go visit my mom for a week.
What? No, you can't.
You're the only person I know who who who makes me feel the way you do.
Yeahmons drops it back for Greenwood.
(knocking on door) - Hey.
- Hey.
- You're alone, right? - Oh, my God.
I knew this day would come.
Let me just go change the sheets, you're totally worth it.
No, Shawn, I need to talk to you about something.
Oh.
ok.
Well, uh, can you make it quick? I gotta go to a locksmith and get a copy of Vanessa's key.
Wow.
You guys are exchanging keys already? Yeah, something like that.
Um What's up? Perry's acting weird.
- He told Jesse Powers that he's in love with me.
- What? Yeah, and I know it's not true.
I I think he's trying to keep me from Jesse Powers, - I just can't figure out why.
- Oh, right.
Yeah, I think I know what's going on.
- You do? What? - No, no, no, no, no.
I can't say anything.
Well, if you tell me, I'll let you in to my secret stash of hot friends.
I can't I can't do it.
No, I'm sorry.
That's ok.
I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't like Jenna anyway.
She was gonna be a ballet dancer, but her boobs were too big.
Perry was in on the whole prom humiliation thing.
What? No, that can't be true.
No, it is.
It is.
Uh, he knew Jesse was gonna stand you up, and he didn't say anything to you, because he wanted to get in with the cool kids.
I can't believe he would do that.
Um, do me a favor, ok? I I kinda want to handle this in my own way, so don't tell Perry that I know about it.
Deal.
Ok, so wait, wait, wait.
How do I get in touch with Jenna? Oh you can e-mail her at jenna@girlijustmadeup.
com.
Hey, Lisa.
- Hey, Perry.
- What's wrong? Apparently, Shawn isn't trying to screw over my friend.
I hate being wrong.
Well, he does really like her.
I've noticed.
He's not even obsessing about the hockey channel anymore.
I don't know.
I guess I owe him an apology.
- You know where he is? - Uh, yeah, he went over to Vanessa's.
No, that can't be right.
She just went out of town.
Wait a minute.
Players battle in the corner for possession.
Williams jabs it loose.
Looks like we're going on down (cat mewing) Oh, God! My God.
Aha! Busted! I knew you were using Vanessa, Shawn.
Now get over here.
Oh, come on on Li Oh, God.
Come on.
Let's go.
All right, fine.
Just let me give her back her slippers.
I can't believe you would take advantage of my friend like that.
Oh, look at that steam shower! (knocking on door) - Hey.
- Hey.
Thanks for coming over.
Of course.
What'd you want to talk about? Uh, have a seat.
So Yeah? So I spoke to Jesse, and he told me you're in love with me.
He did? Shh! I'm in love with you, too.
Say what? Yeah, and I'm so happy, seriously.
I mean, I haven't felt this good since my divorce, tou know, just to know that I can love and be loved again.
Oh, God.
I hope nothing ever takes this feeling away.
I have to pee.
Perry, you're so funny.
It's one of the many things that I love about you.
I mean, that, and and your body, which I'm gonna straddle right now.
Well, where do we you know what? I can't do this.
You can't? Why not? Uh, well, I'm not love with you.
Yeah, I know that, you jackass.
You do? I can't believe that you would do this.
Ok, you knew what was gonna happen to me on prom night, and you kept it a secret for twenty years, and then you tried to scare Jesse away so that you could cover your own tracks? And thus, Pandora's Box was opened.
Rebecca Thomas, it has been an honor to be your friend all these years.
What I have done is unforgivable, and now I will, with great sadness, step aside and make room for your new best friend, whoever he or she may be.
Might I suggest Roz, by the way? She was kind of a gas at the olive oil tasting.
Hey.
Don't go.
And stop being such a weirdo.
- I am so sorry about all this.
- I know, honey, but it's just the next time you make a mistake, you gotta just tell me, you know? Our friendship can take it.
I know.
I know.
I don't know why I'm so stupid.
I'm so sorry.
Let me give you another prom.
Let me give you the prom you never had.
I can rent a limo.
I can get the gym.
I can get the band.
Do you think the Jeff Kleinfelt Experience - is still together? - (laughs) You don't have to give me a prom.
All right.
Well, can we at least listen to Bryan Adams all night - and drink till we throw up? - I'll get the schnapps.
All right.
I'll get the bucket.
Come on.
Come on.
No, no.
Pass the puck! He's open! Pass the puck! Oh, come on.
What are you waiting for? - He shoots.
He scores! - Yes! Yes! - Shawn? - Yes! Did you break into my apartment? No, I used the key.
How did you get a key? I'm sorry.
I thought we were at the "take each other's keys" point in the relationship.
Get out.
- Oh, come on.
- Out.
- Smoochers? - No.
Out! Good-bye.
Can you believe that guy? The nerve of him.
I'll get my things.